Video sex spy camera

Here is what you need to know . Published Fri, Oct 9 2020 10:50 AM EDT. AJ Horch @AJHorch. Kilito Chan. As the global pandemic enters its seventh month, millions of Americans lack health insurance Best of James: https://goo.gl/iiEtLz Subscribe here: https://goo.gl/jkJg9u Music video by James performing I Know What I'm Here For. (C) 1999 Mercury Records... But here’s what I do know. All that is not important. It doesn’t matter how you tell your story, whether you go Indie or traditional or simply print out the words and read them to your grandmother in her nursing home ... Here is what I know. Rumor. Hopefully this brings some good news to everyone. I work for EA as a QA Tester. You should expect an announcement sometime after EA Play this year as EA wants to show off brand new games at this years event. Expect ME Trilogy Remaster announcement and release date during N7 Day this Year. I know things don’t always work out. I know life doesn’t last. Life is finite. I know love survives death.. But I also know sometimes love doesn’t work out, doesn’t last, doesn’t live up ... I now know that my purpose and destiny is to share what I have learned and lend a helping hand to those in need. God honors a good servant and I am proud to serve. I want parents to know that you are not alone and I am here to share my story and offer guidance and support. Recommended in The Horn Book Magazine, which also chose it as the 2010 Boston Globe–Horn Book Award-winner, in the Picture-Book category, Canadian author Laurel Croza's debut title, I Know Here, the poignant story of a girl who has just learned that her family will be moving from rural Saskatchewan to urban Toronto, has specific geographic roots, but far more wide-spread significance and meaning. Brian Eno. " I Know What I'm Here For " is a song by British rock band James. It was the first single released from their eighth studio album, Millionaires, and reached number 22 on the UK Singles Chart .

2020.10.18 20:32 mcfarlin87 Here Is What I Know

It took Donald Trump 6 months to clean house and swamp in Washington"
As soon as the military became access to cameras, cellphones and other spy technology the declassing begun. The Game was on !!! Attorney General Barr was placed well in advance to keep an eye on the CIA who only served the 13 families. Julian Assange's arrest was necessary so the MSM would brand him a certain way. The real truth about him we will find out in the near future. en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_B
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Barr SAUDI ARABIA Crown Prince Alwalleed bin Talal is known for many crimes such as being an Adrenochromer, harvesting children, running massive tunnel networks, involvement in vaccine businesses and corruption. He also handpicked and funded Obama. truepundit.com/saudi-prince-b…
Saudi Prince Billionaire Al-Waleed bin Talal Reportedly Arrested In Corruption Sting; Owns Stakes in Fox News, Twitter – True Pundit In a shocking development, Saudi press Al Mayadeen reported late on Saturday that prominent billionaire, member of the royal Saudi family, and one of the biggest shareholders of Citi, News Corp. and T… https://truepundit.com/saudi-prince-billionaire-al-waleed-bin-talal-reportedly-arrested-in-corruption-sting-owns-stakes-in-fox-news-twitte When Donald Trump arrived 2017 in Saudi Arabia he layed out folders full of documents, cds, dvds and video recordings to confront them with their horrific commited crimes. On his second day the King and Crown Prince submitted publicly to hand over control of Saudi Arabia to him.
The publicly held sword dance ritual was proof of the powershift. The new Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman took over. He seized billions of dollars of the corrupt saudi elite and froze their assets.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4…
Trump takes part in traditional Saudi sword dance President Donald Trump was spotted swaying and smiling as he stood shoulder to shoulder with Saudis for the ceremonial male-only sword dance on Saturday. https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4525766/Trump-takes-traditional-Saudi-sword-dance.html ISRAEL Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu was the next big player to take out by Donald Trump. Israel invented the jews, bad jews and zionists. They had tunnel systems run from jerusalem all the way to the vatican.Trump had to stay an extra day cause the Israelis wouldn't give in.
After Donald Trump did visit the wailing wall the Israelis submitted publicly by allowing the US to move their embassy to Jerusalem with american military protection.
VATICAN Pope Francis was deeply involved in child trafficking, hunting them down, sadomising them and kill them. When Donald Trump layed out all the proof he teased the pope to get his red shoes on which are a trophy made out of childrens skin. The photo taking the next day...
...in Vatican City was symbolic as sign off. The Jesuits (the real Mafia) were in charge of the catholic church before. They controlled the Federal Reserve. Francis had to issue the hand over to Donald Trump. He now holds the power of money world wide.en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Federal_R…
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Federal_Reserve Now the Rothschilds had their legs cut off. In summer 2017 the city of London was no player anymore ever since their power got removed.
EU + NATO D. Trump called a meeting with political heads, finance minister + behind the scene players. He purposely came late to let them sweat. After presented with damaging evidence they capitulated very fast. The EU backed down from Brexit and Nato stepped up to fund nations.
In october there was an attempt to kill Bin Salman in Las Vegas. Mandalay Bay shooting was a cover up. After saved by military (intel/NSA) he was asked to take on a bigger role and met with google twitter facebook.. to play along or they would be declassified as child murderers.
UPDATE: Las Vegas – Saudi Assassination Attempt and More The tangled web surrounding the Las Vegas massacre and the upheaval in Saudi Arabia have a common thread that just got yanked. Below is the continuation into th https://americandigitalnews.com/index.php/2017/11/10/4706-update-las-vegas-saudi-assassination-attempt/ JAPAN After presented with lots of proof of their commited crimes the Japanese surrendered and let Donald Trump present the Sumo Wrestling Championship Trophy as symbolism. Now he was in control.
SOUTH KOREA The biggest arms for supplying adrenochrome was Asia and Southeast Asia. Huge customers were Hollywood and Washington politicians. There were demands for years.
All asian goverments were to capitulate control over to Donald Trump.
NORTH KOREA In secret President Trump flew to the north Korea borders to meet with Kim Jong to talk peace. That was completed in silence on their own. North Korea stepped down from evil and is now helping the process.
CHINA The chinese officials wanted to have the communists/satanists kicked out therefore they welcomed Trump with open arms and surrendered. He met with President Xi in the forbidden city a very spiritual symbolic place. In spring 17 Xi already visited the President in Mar-a-Lago
VIETNAM The Vietnamese did not put up a fight. They promised to stop human trafficking and showed by holding a public ceremony that Donald Trump was now in charge.
ANNUAL MEETING 2018 - SWITZERLAND The key players the most evil cooperations and world leader incl. Soros were present. At the first day everyone got handed an envelope and damaging evidence. The next day there was more...they had no other choice but to play along. Powerchange !
Meanwhile US Senator John Mc Cain got executed (shot in the head) for his crimes in the middle east. The Press wrote he had cancer. The wrinkled flag on his coffin symbolizes a "traitor".
INDIA The Indian Leader Modi had his hands tight. Now he is working together with Donald Trump, Putin (Russia) and Xi (China) to drain the swamp.
MEXICO President Amlo didn't want to give up his power and eating children. He was extremely evil and corrupt. Trump always made comments how inhospitable Mexico was but after all Amlo had to sign over the power.
BRASIL President Bolsonaro a huge rapist submitted very soon. After that key arrests of pedophilia companies and individuals were made. The main player John of God (Oprahs friend) was running the largest adrenochrome production and facilities in the world.abcnews.go.com/International/…
Brazilian spiritual healer 'John of God' indicted for rape, accused of sexually abusing nearly 600 women https://abcnews.go.com/International/brazilian-spiritual-healer-john-god-indicted-rape-accused/story?id=60019325 ARGENTINIA Argentinians President Macri was known for his corruption - he was a global bankster. Donald Trump purposely disrespected him by walking of stage at the G20 meeting.panampost.com/raquel-garcia/…
Argentina President Macri Could Be Investigated for Fraud in Bond Sales President Mauricio Macri may be investigated for allegedly fixing the price of the dollar through the issuance of external debt and Lebacs https://panampost.com/raquel-garcia/2017/01/04/president-mauricio-macri-could-be-investigated-for-issuing-debt-securities/?cn-reloaded=1 CANADA Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is a publicly known pedophile and adrenochromer. President Trump took his power away.
Part 2 follows shortly
Soros At Davos: Trump Is A Danger To The World - Joe.My.God. Bloomberg reports: Billionaire Democratic donor George Soros on Thursday took aim at President Trump and tech giants during an appearance at the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland. “I consider… https://www.joemygod.com/2018/01/soros-davos-trump-danger-world-video/
• • •
In January of 2019 President Donald Trump signed an executive order to declare war on all sex traffickers including inside the government
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2020.10.17 13:24 readingrachelx Video sex spy camera

POTOMAC

ORANGE COUNTY
BRAVO
NEW YORK
BEVERLY HILLS
CHESHIRE
MIAMI
NEW JERSEY
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2020.10.12 16:52 gravy816 Passion in Paradise

I stepped back from the keyboard. Sex trafficking. This wasn't a TV show...this was a scam....and everyone thought I was dead.
Three days prior:
"I did it! I'm going to be a contestant on Passion in Paradise!" I yelled into the phone. I could hear Melanie, my best friend, rolling her eyes. "It's a new competitive dating show in Cabo!"
"How can you be on a show like that Jess? It's so shallow and manipulative! It's so fake and over done! It's so...not you."
She was right. Passion in Paradise was a new show coming next season on ABC or whatever where 20 single women compete for the man of their dreams in a villa in Cabo. Did I think I was going to find "the one"? Hell no. Was I willing to act like for a free trip to Cabo and free publicity and fame? Hell yes.
I talked to Max, the producer, that morning and he said that I flew out in 2 days because filming began immediately. "Tell your family tell your friends about the show! We want to get as much publicity as we can out there. Your life is about to change," We were also told to take two months off of work for filming and publicity tours.
Time moved fast. One minute I was packing in my small apartment and next thing I knew I landed in Cabo and was met at the airport by Max and his small team. We waited around for a few hours until all the other 19 girls had landed and then we loaded up onto a small bus and drove to our new temporary home to meet our hunk.
The villa was breathtaking. It had old red stone, vines running up the side, and a certain calmness. We filed off the bus and met outside of our new castle. We were forced to give any cell phones or electronics to Max, there was zero communication allowed with the outside world.
"Here's the deal ladies, we got three floors in the house. First floor is your basics, kitchen, 2 living rooms, 2 bathrooms, pool and pool house, laundry room. Second living quarters. There are 4 rooms and 20 of you. After tonight two of you will be going home so no need to unpack," he barked at us like he was reading off orders to a kitchen. He had three other strong and large men with him setting up cameras and lights. None of them looked at us or even tried to make small talk.
"Two of us are going home tonight?!" a chirpy and feminine voice yelled from the back.
"The cameras ain't rollin' sweetheart, we don't need the theatrics," Max continued, "Third and top floor 100% off limits. Do you understand? This is where our hunk will be staying along with crew and storage for equipment. If we see anyone up there you will be sent home immediately. Ruins the ambiance. Also cameras are always rolling. We will begin recording in a few hours. You signed up for the world to see, now show 'em. Any questions?...Good. Now start getting ready, tonight is formal wear."
I ended up picking "The Purple Room" with four other girls: Bella, Savannah, Lauren, and Molly. "I don't mean to be rude, my name is Jess. Is it okay if I take a shower first? It will only be like 5 minutes," I asked to my roommates. "Yeah girl no worries!" they all responded. Each room had a bathroom with a shower. Once I stepped out of my steaming shower I feeling refreshed and ready, I picked a beautiful strapless black dress, super tight on top and on the bottom. I went over to a red head named Molly, I figured I wasn't there to make friends, but I can at least be friendly.
"Hey girl would you mind zipping me up please?" I asked. "Not a problem," she smiled as she started closing my dress. "Where are you from?" I inquired staring ahead at the wall. Molly began, "I live in Iowa! I sell real estate out there. I am so excited to meet our hunk tonight!" I almost forgot why we were all here in the first place.
"Oh yeah girl!!" I learned that if you call everyone "girl" you don't have to learn everyone's names. We were left upstairs for an hour until we heard shouting to come outside. This was not as glamourous as I thought.
"Okay ladies. Now we're going to take your picture, so the hunk can use them in the eliminations. Line up and one by one give me a nice pose and you can meet the crew,"
"This is the director Eric, another producer named...uh.. Joe, and this is Ben, he handles any problems and is the host." All of them looked like they could beat someone to death.
Eric began filming, which was odd because I always thought there would be a herd of camera operators for these types of shows, but then again there were cameras placed throughout the house.
Ben walked over to greet us. He had a huge smile on his face, opposite of Max, the director, and the producer. Ben was carrying a tray of champagne flutes. "Good evening ladies! Whose ready for champagne?" Every girl lifted their head back and gave a powerful "woo!".
"Okay ladies. Now we have to take cast pictures. Cast pictures equals champagne. Line up and as soon as the producer Joe here snaps your photo I'll give you a glass of champagne. That easy right?!"
I was the second to last one. Nobody tells you how much down time there is on reality shows. One by one girls were trickling over to Ben after their pictures were taken to collect their reward. Bella, one of the girls from my room walked over to me. She was smiling and holding her drink. We were chatting with two other girls. Bella sneezed sending a large portion of her champagne on my arm. "Oh shit dude! I'm so sorry!" she exclaimed. "No worries girl, it just got on my arm. I'm going to go dry off, I don't need to be sticky," I assured Bella. I had plenty of time before my picture so I quietly went into the house. I walked up to the second floor and stepped inside the bathroom.
I reached for a washcloth in the small basket on top of the toilet lid. I put a little bit of water on it and began rinsing away the champagne. I placed the washcloth back on top of the lid next to the basket.
The washcloth slipped and fell behind the toilet due to the curvature of the lid. I let out a small "Fuck" and bent down and extended my arm behind the neck of the toilet. I felt a cold plastic cable running from the floor to the toilet bowl. I am not a plumber, but something seemed off. These were the types of cables that you find in your living room. I lift the lid and found a small cable running to a small black box with a blinking red light. I raised the seat on the toilet and right beneath the rim was a small button sized lens. My heart began to race.
"Please don't let this be what I think it is..." I looked closely and realized it was a small waterproof camera angled up perfectly to spy on anyone using the toilet.
I walked over to the shower. I examined the head until I found a similar lens underneath the shower head, perfectly capturing anyone taking a shower. I had it. I felt sick to my stomach, were these sick fucks watching us shower?
I ran outside and stormed right up to Max. "What the hell is going on!?" I screamed into his face. The entire team stopped what they were doing and looked over. A smirk ran across his face. "What's the matter?" I turned towards the group of girls starting to swarm us.
"There are cameras in the bathroom!" I screamed and frantically threw my hands up. Max let out a huge laugh, "Of course silly, you're on TV. You signed up for this." I looked around at the mixed expressions on the girls, but no one made a sound. "Doesn't this bother you?! They are spying on us and taking videos of us naked in the shower!"
Ben spoke with a calming voice, "We have sensors on the cameras in the bathroom. In the contract you agreed to be filmed and one of the locations was in fact the bathroom. If three or more of you go into the bathroom then the cameras automatically turn on. It's in your contract."
"That's insane!" I yelled to the small audience. No one said a word.
Finally Molly finally spoke up, "I don't have a problem with it. We did sign up for this." Other girls began nodding their head. "You see Jess? You are blowing this out of proportion. Nobody else is bothered, why don't you have a glass of champagne," Ben offered. His smile was kind and comforting.
I reached for a glass. I wasn't in the mood to drink so I stood silently in line for my picture. An hour went by and no one talked to me. I was the last one in line to take my picture. I looked around at the beautiful girls drinking champagne and looking fabulous. None of them seemed bothered by what was going on. I don't belong here I thought.
"Come on!" Eric yelled holding the camera, "you're the last one!". As I approached the producer we heard a loud puking sound. We turned our heads and a black haired girl was on the ground a few yards away from me clutching her champagne glass vomiting.
"She's having a seizure!" I heard another scream. I turned the other direction and saw a small group of girls collapsing and shaking on the ground. A couple of girls went over to help. A few more girls at the other end of the driveway began to hit the floor and started vomiting as well.
Everything was happening so quickly, yet time was still. I was frozen as I watched in horror. I looked to my left and saw Molly. She was turning blue and swaying in her heels. She puked as chunks covered her dress as she reached for her throat. Her eyes starting rolling into the back of her head until you couldn't see any color. She fell backwards and hit her head on the pavement letting out a small stream of blood from her nose.
I looked to my right and saw another girl from my room scratching violently at her arm until her nails were tearing off little pieces of skin. Blood was trickling out of her, dripping from her fingertips as she just stood there unaware of what she was doing.
The "camera guy" and "producer" were walking over to a few unconscious bodies. The men dug into their pockets and pulled out zip ties and began tying the girls up one by one. Max was watching the chaos with a huge smile. I realized I was the only one that didn't have champagne.
"You idiot! You didn't dose this out right!" Ben shouted to Max.
There were only a few women left standing, they began running towards the bus. I knew it was no use. They began wobbling and sure enough they started vomiting blood and passed out within inches of the vehicle.
Through all the commotion, I was able to silently retreat back into the villa. There was a small path from the driveway to the front door. I didn't know what to do. I just wanted to go somewhere to think and process.
I went up to my room on the second floor, I had a small window that looked down on to the driveway. I ran up the stairs, and silently crawled over to the window. I slowly raised my head and saw the "director" going around zip tying the almost lifeless girls. All 19 of them were on the ground with their eyes closed and either dry puke or blood on their face and clothes.
Max was loading the girls into a separate van that was parked a few yards away. He picked up the limp bodies and carefully set them down like they were dry cleaning.
"Look at the set of tits on this one!" the producer Joe yelled over to the director as he began groping the unconscious woman's breasts.
"Don't touch the merchandise!!" Eric barked back. "Oh my God," I let out quietly under my breath. I didn't know what to do. I felt like I was watching a movie, but living. it.
They probably took the phones to the third level I told myself. I can call for help from up there.
I quickly and as low to the ground as possible went back over to the grand staircase. I began climbing, not knowing what I was getting myself into. On the top floor there were only two doors facing each other. One door said "Hunk" and the other said "No Trespassing". I walked over to the "No Trespassing" door praying it was unlocked. I reached my hand out to the knob and it released with ease.
Inside looked like a scene from a police station. There were about 24 monitors on the wall showing every live feed as well as controls and a desk in the corner. I looked at monitors 4-7 and could see the four guys setting the girls in the van in the drive way. I looked over to cameras 11 and 12 and saw the bathroom where I got ready. I looked down at the controls, which were pretty self explanatory.
I selected camera 11 which was facing down on the shower in our bathroom. I hit rewind to 5 hours ago and sure enough I saw myself showering. You were able to see every inch of my naked body.
I looked back at the first set of screens to confirm that the four guys were still out there. They were, but soon they would realize they only have 19 girls, instead of 20.
I looked back towards the wall and one screen had a small red light in the corner blinking. I scanned over to the monitor and turned the volume up. It was playing CNN with some anchor interviewing someone who looked like Ben the host and it had flashing text reading "LIVE" running across the bottom. I pressed rewind to the beginning of the broadcast. "23 U.S. Citizens Dead from Bus Accident in Cabo" read the headline "For those of you just joining us, we are here with Ben Malcom creator of Passion in Paradise. Now Ben can you explain to us what happened?"
Ben looked distraught, "Good evening Diane I am the creator of Passion in Paradise, a new show we wanted to bring to TV this fall. We flew 20 beautiful, young, and smart women out here with 3 crew members to begin this romantic journey. We don't have a lot of information right now, but as we began shooting and the shuttle bus flew off a hill killing everyone on board," the screen cut to some b-roll action of a bus on flames in the bottom of a canyon. "I was able to meet each and every girl and this is a horrific loss. We are sending prayers to their families and trying to make arrangements to send some sort of relief to their grieving families. We are fully cooperating with authorities, but this was an honest accident and we are personally looking into this case".
The screen flipped back to the reporter. "We are joined now by one of the deceased's closet friends, Melanie. Melanie are you there?" Oh no. No, no, no. Please no.
My best friend Melanie appeared on the TV crying and talking to a reporter outside of her apartment. "I begged Jess not to go! And now I will never see her again!"
Everyone thinks we're dead!! My thoughts were interrupted when I heard a small ding go off on the main computer on the other side of the room.
I walked over to the work station and sat down at the desk. A web page called "Passion in Paradise" was open. On it were the pictures of each girl that were taken at the beginning of the night. Dollar amounts were next to every name. Molly had $10,000, another girl had $3,000 which was climbing to $3,400 and then $3,750. The prices next to all the girls' names varied from $500 to $15,000 and were climbing. I looked for my name, under Jess it said 'picture pending'.
"What is this?" I said quietly to myself. I clicked on Molly's picture and immediately a slideshow began playing. The first picture was her casting photo from earlier that night, next was a screenshot of her changing in our bedroom with just her bra and panties on. I flipped again and there was a picture looking up as she was sitting down to use the toilet, you could see everything from the waist down. I went back to the main page and clicked on Savannah's profile. I began flipping through her pictures and it was the same story. It looked like a catalog of every female I had encountered in this house.
I clicked back, went to the home page saw in the top left hand corner a tab that said "Total Bidders Online: 84". I scrolled down the list and saw dozens upon dozens of usernames. I clicked on a name: User2949 and under the banner it said "Chat". I began typing:
You: HELP!!! Please! I don't know what's going on!! I think this is some sort of mistake.
User2949: I'm interested in Bella. How much for one night? I know your price said $2,500. But I like to rough my girls up. What if I give you $15,000 and I get to keep her???
I clicked out of the chat. I went to User110.
You: PLEASE!! HELP ME! We are in a Villa in Cabo, nobody is dead!
User110: I love redheads, what is the status on Molly? I think she would make a fine addition to my collection.
I stepped back from the keyboard. Sex trafficking. This wasn't a TV show, there was never a hunk. This was a scam.
I checked the monitors and I could only see Eric, Joe, and Ben outside still piling the women up. I looked around the room for any sort of weapons. I didn't know where Max was and I needed to get out of there. There was still one place I hadn't checked- the "hunk's bedroom". I slowly and quietly slipped into the hallway and prayed that the door would be unlocked.
Sure enough, I was able to open to door and flipped on the light. There was nothing in the room except a dirty mattress on the floor. I walked over and prayed that there might be a knife or anything I could use to protect myself.
The door slammed, I turned and saw Max staring at me. He looked hungry and wild. "I knew you were going to be trouble. Now, let's see how much that pussy is really worth."
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2020.10.09 17:52 metamars_ Trump "Hail Mary" Re-election Strategy Proposal

(See UPDATE & UPDATE 2, below)

I'm a NJ resident, with an unfortunately strong interest in national politics. I'm basically a lifelong independent, though I voted for Trump in 2016. I want to see him win in 2020, which right now isn't looking good. This is in spite of the fact that he's not a particularly effective President, and he's a terrible politician, who seems to have learned nothing from his time in office. (Most recent example: telling his staff to cease negotiating with Democrats on a 2nd stimulus.)

The reason to have a strong preference for Trump is that the Democrats are an awful party, with awful people in their top leadership positions. I view them as ruthless Jacobins, who silently blessed 3 months of rioting, until the polls started narrowing. Their treatment of Kavanaugh was also horrific. They have no respect for the rule of law, even at the elite level, which doesn't even apply to us little people. Following Jordan Peterson, I'm afraid the net result of going along with their nonsense may be a real Terror, analogous to the Gulag endpoint detailed by Solzhenitsyn.

Finally, the still-ongoing results of an illegal spy and smear operation against candidate and then President Trump rises to the level of treason, in a moral if not legal sense. Although family members I know and love will doubtless vote for Democrats, the fact is, they are enabling treason by doing so. Again, at least in a moral sense.

What I would like to see is for President Trump to deliver extended "truthful propaganda" scripts that would be read into a video camera, and then released over the internet. Stylistically, these would be similar to "Michelle Obama's Closing Argument" on youtube. Given the late stage of the campaign, I recommend releasing one every 3-4 days.

To further flesh out the idea, the tone would not be Trump's usual blustering, repetitive, rambling style, which is well received by his rabid base at rallies; and not so well received by most everybody else. Instead, the tone would actually be similar to "Michelle Obama's Closing Argument", with similar levels of eye contact. This implies he has to rehearse and/or use a teleprompter. Quite often when Trump is merely reading something, he speaks in a boring monotone, which is no way to communicate either real empathy, or a subtly sarcastic empathy. (Ideally he would master communicating both real and subtly sarcastic empathy. The point of infusing a subtle sarcasm in parts of a presentation is to make clear to viewers how easy it is to be manipulative by faking empathy, while not doing this so blatantly that people are repulsed - especially women. But moreso to underscore that the person being subtly mocked via the fake empathy has been spouting nonsense.) I'm thinking an obvious tell for when the sarcastic empathy is being communicated, which would help communicate the real message, would be clasping his hands together and and leaning forward, as well as looking slightly more earnest. (A public speaking and acting coach is an obvious asset.)

As to substance, rather than spelling out the wealth of specifics that could be communicated, I will focus on 'thematic leitmotivs', that resonate with me. THESE are what you want to communicate to the public, at large, especially independents, such that you know that if you vote for Biden/Harris, you are also voting for these themes. While I don't want to take the time to spell out lots of specifics, they need to be there. More intelligent voters aren't impressed with generalities and mere talking points. Trump is notoriously lacking in specifics. He needs to go into at least as much depth and explanation as Michelle Obama. His presentation can be as scripted as Michelle Obama's doubtless was. But it needs to be as smooth, as hers, also.

Themes/Memes:
* Mob rule, and tacit acceptance of violence as a political tool (as seen in riots)
* High Level Corruption (as seen in the persection of Trump on phony Russigate charges, which has gone on for years; Hunter Biden's grifting; Hilary's email server)
* Divisive Racial Politics (clearly seen in endless identification of Republicans as racist)
* Oppressive Identity Politics (more a cultural and educational thing than a Democratic thing; see Jordan Peterson on damage being done to young males by anti-male messaging)
* Authoritarian Lockdown Governments, bordering on tyrannical (In Australia, a pregnant woman was arrested for posting a Facebook ad advertising a protest against lockdowns.)
* Overall Ruthlessness and Hypocrisy (as seen during the Cavanaugh confirmation hearings)

What doesn't resonate with me are "socialism", "Supreme Court", "Communism", and "stock market".

I find the Trump Administration's endless harping on the stock market personally offensive, as I don't own any stocks. Neither does half the country. Plus identifying a stock market with national greatness is shoddy repackaging of crass materialism. Can you imagine an American soldier laying down his/her life to preserve the "great American" stock market? "Supreme Court" must be huge with conservatives and gun owners, but I dont' think it resonates with independents that much. Our post office and military are (or mostly were) socialist institutions, and everybody knows it. We have a mixed economy, like it or not.

(I'm sort of ambivalent about "taxation". It probably still resonates, in general, though not for me.)

The "truthful propaganda" videos I'm proposing would be addressed to a specific person, following (what I understand of) Alinsky's useful rule #13 "Pick the target, freeze it, personalize it, and polarize it. " (Yes, that Saul Alinsky. You don't necessarily have to be a force for good to be a good strategist or tactitian. The Wermacht made effective use of blitkrieg, but nobody takes them as a force for good.)

So, the first person I would target, and marry to some of the truthful propaganda themes, is Michelle Obama (as her video attack is a fresh one, and it was well done, so that much more worthy of being exposed and reacted to). Michelle Obama says, "What the president is doing is …. yes, it is racist". Well, she should be made to own those words. Forever. Or, more reasonably, as long as she is active in public life. And exposing her racism baiting should take the form of her being a poster girl of divisive smear merchandizing, using race. I.e., following Alinskiy, the truthful propaganda meme is that the Democrats habitually smear Republican voters (at least white ones) and Republican politicians as racist. But personalizing this meme should take the form of individuals; in this case Michelle Obama. Following Alinsky, I would not jump around and make her the poster girl of racism baiting this week, and then, say, Maxine Waters the poster girl of racism baiting next week. Propaganda - good and bad - depends on repetition.

In the short time until election day, I would of course also have (two or three) videos on Biden. Now, there's a lot to pin to Biden, but given his son's grifting ala the Biden name, I would dedicate at least one video to the "high level corruption" meme. I mean, we can be sure, can't we?, that if Biden wins the election, any existing investigation into the grifting of Hunter Biden as may exist, will promptly be terminated.

Speaking of the Department of Justice, Loretta Lynch and Eric Holder, each deserve their own video, around the principle propaganda meme of "high level corruption".

Harris deserves at least two videos. Her tolerance of the rioters entitles her to be the poster girl of the "Mob rule, and tacit acceptance of violence as a political tool" meme. Although I normally wouldn't want her sex life to be a show-stopper consideration in seeking public office, not least because Trump is no shining example of purity, either, at least Trump didn't use sex to advance his political career. So, Harris can be made a poster girl of "overall ruthlessness and hypocrisy"
Some media figure(s) deserve to be Alinsky'ized. And maybe the best people to narrate such a propaganda video aren't named "Trump", though they would be introduced by Trump, and the archived video would be amongst the Trump narrated videos. I'm thinking an excellent narrator on the theme of "Oppressive Identity Politics" would be Nick Sandmann, who was disgustingly targeted by elements of the Democratic friendly media, who just couldn't resist playing smear merchants.


There are two very big elephants in the room barring the way to re-election success for Trump, that I will briefly address. One is dealing with covid as a health challenge. The other is the economic devastation wrought by covid. The Michelle Obama-like propaganda presentations that I am calling for, above, are less important, here, than addressing the deficiencies of basic policy and government.

COVID as health challenge
The lockdowns lasted far longer than the danger covid-19 posed, and this was evident in the data as early as April, according to Ivor Cummins. There is now a new organization, founded by 3 epidemiologists, which has thousands of scientist, medical professional, and public poicy professional endorsers. This is “The Great Barrington Declaration”, currently signed by 5,924 Medical & Public Health Scientists and 12,103 Medical Practitioners. See gbdeclaration.org. They say:

" Current lockdown policies are producing devastating effects on short and long-term public health. The results (to name a few) include lower childhood vaccination rates, worsening cardiovascular disease outcomes, fewer cancer screenings and deteriorating mental health – leading to greater excess mortality in years to come, with the working class and younger members of society carrying the heaviest burden. Keeping students out of school is a grave injustice.

Keeping these measures in place until a vaccine is available will cause irreparable damage, with the underprivileged disproportionately harmed.
"

My recommendation is for Trump and members of the coronavirus task force to be briefed by gbdeclaration luminaries, at least twice a week, with the video streamed live, and posted. The briefings should cover international experience. The endorsers of gbdeclaration are from around the world. Sympathetic state governors should be invited to at least listen in (remotely), and also ask questions, if time allows.

One big problem: the gbdeclaration.org website has no references, and instead states,
"A comprehensive and detailed list of measures, including approaches to multi-generational households, can be implemented, and is well within the scope and capability of public health professionals." Ah, but this isn't much better than just trusting Fauci and CDC, in their non-transparent decision making. They need to make their decision making process transparent, and document it via references.

I heard Joe Biden speak at a fundraiser that I helped a customer of mine cater, in Princeton, not too long after 911. He said something along these lines, “The one thing I keep getting asked, by soccer moms all over the country, is “Is it safe? Are our children safe from terrorist attacks?” Joe Biden knows that soccer moms care more about whether they can feel their children are safe, than the damn stock market. The facts are on Trump's side when it comes to schoolchildren going to school, but his failure to communicate these to America's soccer moms, alone, could cost him the election.

As for prophylactics against covid, the Trump Administration should have embraced vitamin D sufficiency, including ubiquitous vitamin D blood testing, especially for African Americans, who are 76% deficient (as per Cooper Institute). The Administration failed, Congress failed, EVERY single state in the union failed, but especially the CDC/NIH/NIAID failed. See my newish website governmentincompetence.org, for more information.

COVID as economic challenge
I dont' have much of a head for economics, so I will simply make the suggestion that Trump and relevant members of his administration be publicly briefed on the wealth transfer to the plutocratic class that was accelerated by the covid economic damage. Again, these briefings would be streamed, live, and then made available online.

As I mention on governmentincompetence.org, two sources for this are Chris Martenson and Matt Stoller.

UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE
I could have/ should have made clearer that the targets are to be addressed, personally, and not in the 3rd person. This is to make it harder for them to ignore the video, and to increase the degree of personalization. It also will make it harder for their followers and apologists to ignore the video. We want to provoke a response, which will doubtless betray yet more of the dysfunction that the target memes encapsulate.
So, e.g., in a video targeting Michelle Obama, Trump would start out with something like this,

Michelle, we need to have a little talk about comments you've made about me being racist, ......
and NOT
This is President Trump, and I wanted to address some comments made recently by Michelle Obama, all but calling me a racist.

UPDATE 2 UPDATE 2 UPDATE 2 UPDATE 2
I don't know how I could have failed to mention this, but an obvious video target is Hilary Clinton, with an obvious Meme target of "High Level Corruption". Trump will probably have to take a chill pill, making this in segments, with lots of de-stressing breaks (like sniffing lavender essential oil), etc. That's because he might otherwise understandably convey lots of anger, no doubt magnified by the frustration of her teflon law-breaking. But, this is not the time for loosing his cool. He can unload on her, and the DOJ, after he gets re-elected. :-)
A great source for details about her mega-grifting and flouting of laws is Charles Ortel, who has done major work exposing the Clinton Foundation.
N.B. It appears that amazon.com has completely stopped carrying any books by Charles Ortel. This suggests that it may make sense to target the CEO of one of the tech giants, who are carrying water for the Democrats (and Social Justice Warrior types). It also suggests that I missed an important meme, viz., censorship.
submitted by metamars_ to benshapiro [link] [comments]


2020.10.04 06:26 CaptainGibb Video sex spy camera

A little while back I made a “complete” list of every silent feature (~45+ min) released on Blu-ray, so here is an updated and expanded list that covers more countries, though I only included releases not available in the US or the UK. This time, I sorted by country of distributor, then distributor. Italicized titles have releases by another distributor. Since this list was made by an English language speaker, I will specify whenever a non-English film does not have a subtitle for the intertitles. I will try to keep this list up to date this time! Please comment any that I may have missed!
United States Kino Lorber

Flicker Alley
The Criterion Collection
Cohen Media Group
Milestone Films
Grapevine Video
Cartoons on Film Thunderbean Animation Other Distributors
United Kingdom EUREKA: Masters of Cinema
BFI: British Film Institute
Curzon: Artificial Eye Other Distributors
France Lobster Films
Pathé Distribution
Gaumont: Carlotta Films Other Distributors
Germany All Distributors
Spain Mexico submitted by CaptainGibb to boutiquebluray [link] [comments]


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submitted by PhatA18Sepl to u/PhatA18Sepl [link] [comments]


2020.09.14 05:46 bingley777 Video sex spy camera

Let's keep it rolling? This is where Quinntana becomes the Unholy Trinity...
In the first sequence, Quinn and Santana are seen together without Brittany. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vv2BlCdbdXM 1:20) This time, it's Santana leading the pair of them, rather than Quinn, which is an interesting dynamic shift. For someone who, throughout the show, fights to maintain control in all her relationships - friendly, enemy, romantic - Quinn sure is fine with giving it over to Santana here. Perhaps this relationship isn't about control or image?
Quinn's seen a few scenes later, with the comparison to such a relationship: she's fighting with Finn (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YRA7ZYaIt3Q 0:45) She says she's worried about both their images, but then says that she won't give up on popularity so that he can express himself, so there's no affection, just control. There's also the implication that she would be willing to express herself if not for the 'bigger picture': a false image to fit in, and fit in so much they're the poster image kids, so she must really think she doesn't fit in and is overcompensating. This is then when she makes the offer to let Finn touch her breast, mentioned in the Pilot thread: she doesn't care about being touched by him when she can use it to control him, she doesn't care about being chaste at that level, so (seen in Pilot) she must just not actually like his touch and won't let him when it's not beneficial to her. This locker confrontation is also the scene where she points out that singing makes people think he's gay, and her by extension, too. If they were really so popular in the school, it would take more than one club meeting to bring down the quarterback and the head cheerleader, right, especially since she almost immediately joins said club without concern? So Quinn's very overprotective about not being seen as gay. And (mentioned in Pilot thread), it shines a light on why Quinn and Santana made attacks on Rachel singing: they go after their own insecurities. They like singing, but this can make kids think you're gay, and they are scared of that. Quinn then bites at eavesdropping Rachel, calling her "manhands" - a defense, we know, but this one is also Quinn implying she finds male hands unappealing. There's a subtle difference between being transphobic, playing into the then-common image of 'trans people are gross' (you go 2009!), and just applying male attributes to a girl to tear both down at once. And right after offering to let a boy touch her... It's also interesting that Quinn, a 15 year old from conservative Ohio, and a Christian at that, knows enough about gay culture to know the term beard? Either she's overheard her dad's homophobic rants a bit too much, or she does engage with gay culture. Or both, she'd at least have had to find out what bearding means.
The celibacy club appears! (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2CsIVlapEL8 1:30) Through Quinn's opening announcement, while everyone else is glaring across the room towards Rachel, Quinn keeps glancing at Santana. Rachel's first question is where the boys are: her reason for joining was to spend more time with Finn, and that's her main concern and what she thinks people are getting out of the club. A moment later, Finn says he only joined to spend time with Quinn, too, so that seems to be the idea. But Quinn runs it, and her concern is not spending time with boys. She should know, she convinced enough cheerleaders (totally promiscuous) to join. Is Quinn's interest being surrounded by cheerleaders...which JBI quickly says is some form of sweet torture. Puck then mentions how good Santana looks in her cheer skirt and from that line the image cuts to a nice juxtaposition: Quinn staring at Santana's ass in her cheer skirt. Then another line of Quinn's where she says what she thinks, but it's questionable at best, and so she follows it up with a mitigating statement: "God bless the perv that invented these..." sounds like she sees the appeal - she could have said 'man' instead of 'perv', right? Using perv suggests that she connects something about the skirts and their appeal with sin, despite just thanking God. Like the fact she finds them appealing, perhaps. The mitigating statement here is "remember the power motto, it's all about the teasing and not about the pleasing", which she's using as a 'I swear it's just for the skirts' ability to control boys'. This also is a line that is kind of adapted from abstinence culture, where they talk about not giving in to pleasure. Quinn's remixed it, to say that the girls should tease boys but not please them, skipping over the thought that girls might get some pleasure from it. She's also fully aware from her encounters with Finn and his arrival issue that teasing does please boys. Then the kids all come together for the balloon dance (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rkXiG2iMZjY 0:27). Santana, bless her, looks absolutely disgusted at Puck's approaches, and a few seconds later, Quinn has the same reaction to Finn popping their balloon - her face (more than her words) shows this, as it's a much more disgusted face than when she started the dance at that safe no-touching distance. When Rachel then says the whole thing's a joke, Quinn looks terrified. What was she expecting Rachel to say? Because it's not angry, it's scared; Rachel calling her attempts to keep out of touching distance of boys a joke could well be terrifying if celibacy is her excuse for doing that. Thankfully, Rachel is only calling the general idea of celibacy a joke, and Quinn can return to just angry. But then she looks genuinely confused when Rachel says girls want sex, too, almost like she's never felt that sexual attraction.
In the bleachers for the Push It performance, Quinn and Santana are sat next to each other, one over and a row behind Brittany (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CC1SWg16aog 2:20) and when Will's introducing the glee club and the camera cuts back to Sue, you can see Quinn's arm move over to Santana (2:38). After the performance starts, there's a close up of Quinn looking some combination of sad/horrified/confused that I call Good Acting (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5qemkvKRZ0 0:53) - why she's confused is the catch, because it's definitely a different expression to Sue's horrified. Surely Quinn expected Finn and Rachel to dance in the glee club, after how much she's told them both she's against it but it doesn't mean anything if they dance together, so it's the sex element. And that confuses her more than appalls her. Wasn't she saying earlier how sex appeal (when it's girls...) is a great tool? She's not morally outraged by sexual content. A few seconds later, as the camera swings back to Sue from Figgin's foot tapping, you can see Santana watching Brittany, who looks interested. First, Santana looking over a few people to watch Brittany is, like, how that ship started. But she's also looking over to see how Brittany, unlike Quinn (and Quinn as the example to follow), is interested in the sexual performance, and Santana looks confused, too. (of course this is about half a second of background content.) Then when the performance ends and all the kids start cheering, just before Emma jumps up in front of her, Quinn is just looking around. Confused. These two just... don't get the appeal - it was somehow explicit and bad, and the high school kids being excited at large is more a 'sex drive justified' thing. Quinn and Santana, possibly not having experienced sexual attraction that they understood yet, didn't get it.
And we have to bring up Finn kissing Rachel (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tt76M--Vy6g) because, we've seen him make out with Quinn. He can get kissing from Quinn if he wants it, but he'd rather get it from Rachel. This comes right after he's made a long speech about knowing Rachel's attracted to him, to kind of creepy levels. He wants to kiss Rachel because he senses her attraction, something he doesn't get from his girlfriend.
Then the Unholy Trinity audition. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=apMqn_jO8cU) - note how Santana scoffs when Quinn says "what kind of girlfriend would I be if I didn't support him" (Finn). She knows the real reason is (right now) to stay close to Finn/get him out of the club rather than support, but she kept a poker face through the rest of Quinn's little speech, seems like she really finds that line unbelievable for more than the ruse, like her gaydar's already awesome. Then the dance. Santana watches Quinn a lot, it could be to keep up with the steps, but does she really need to watch for that? Then the pose at the end. Brittany and Santana do not need to be feeling up Quinn's arms that much. That's gay, ladies. And, specifically, at 0:56 in that video, you have Brittany using the same arm stroke move that Quinn did on Santana in "I Do" - did Quinn recognize it was more gay than not at the time, so stored and remembered and used it? Sue immediately calls the threesome in, and Quinn's back on the transphobic insults when trying to explain why she joined glee club. We get it, you don't want people to see you as gay. Then after getting them to spy, Quinn does the defense thing again and adds that she'll get Finn back - sure, she wants him for the image, but this might also be doubling down with her defense again, that final word in.
I was also eating through this one, so if sentences are half finished or parts are skipped that is my bad but it's longer so I'm letting it be :)
submitted by bingley777 to glee [link] [comments]


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submitted by Meda31Augl to u/Meda31Augl [link] [comments]


2020.08.26 17:40 welcometosouthapp Video sex spy camera

Wednesday, August 26th, 2020
After a ten-day cheese binge, Gigi had gained ten pounds.
That didn’t stop Frank, the Italian Stallion, from picking her up and pinning her to the dorm room wall. They began making out in their underwear for the first time.
“Um...do you have a condom?” Gigi whispered as Frank lifted her up.
“But soft, my dear! Why, I carry the finest lambskins in the land. Made from the intestines of the most supple virgin sheep.”
Frank squeezed her thighs while sliding his tongue down her throat. But after holding her up for so long, his arms began to tremble.
“Maybe we can take it on the bed?” Gigi laughed nervously. “I guess I’m well on the way to the Freshman 15. Woo-hoo!”
Frank tossed the 130-pound Gigi onto the beanbag chair. He straddled her, reaching behind her back to unclasp her bra.
“On second thought, maybe not,” Gigi mouthed, gently pushing his hands away.
“But ask you did - did you not?”
“I...I like you, Frank,” Gigi admitted. “But on a sweaty bean bag chair in a dorm room? It’s...not what I have in mind for my first time!”
“Woe is me! Alas, my sexual and culinary advances remain unrequited.”
Sure enough, Frank was supposed to have cooked dinner for Gigi that previous Friday. But once she’d found out lasagna was on the menu, Gigi had promptly faked the flu. Following her secret cheese dinner with Winston, she had secretly sampled nearly every type of cheese in Buncombe County. And cottage cheese, an ingredient in Frank’s lasagna, was her least favorite. Hard pass.
Gigi slipped into her tight blue jeans and white Beavers hoodie. “Um...looks like I shall depart for class!”
“Next time, shall I conduct myself differently?”
Gigi smiled meekly. “Come as you are, Frank. We’ll try sex again in three months!”
On the 300 Hall, a naked Claire stood handcuffed to the top bunk from behind. She bit her shoulder to muffle her moan as a shiver rattled her body. An also-naked Winston stood up from his knees.
“Mmm...let’s, like, totally do it already!” Claire panted, sweat dripping down her bangs.
It would be Winston’s and Claire’s first time. And he had planned ahead with the help of a little blue pill. “Ah, right,” he grunted. “I reckon I’ll go get a Jimmy hat.”
Winston opened his desk drawer, reminded that his prized fake ID collection was missing. Whoever took it, your ass is grass, Winston thought. Then, while Claire wasn’t looking, he popped a Cialis in his mouth - his second pill in an hour. For good measure, he cracked open a can of Red Bull and chugged.
“Wow,” Claire cooed, looking down at it. “You must be, like, getting ready for a bonafide marathon with me!”
“Your satisfaction is 100% guaranteed or your money back, ma’am.”
But as soon as Winston opened Claire’s legs, it happened.
A metric fuck-ton of caffeine and testosterone coursed through his veins. His pulse sank from one head to another. Target locked: Claire. She gasped in surprise. And Winston’s fragile ego, along with something else, deflated.
“Hashtag OMG,” Claire whispered, more embarrassed than Winston. “It’s, like, totally okay! It looks like we, like, had a little too much foreplay.”
Winston, dead-eyed and stone-faced, put on an old pair of Wrangler jeans and a red flannel. “I...need to give a presentation for class.”
“Oh! Like, good luck! Do you think you can, like, get me a towel?”
Winston grabbed his damp, musky shaving towel and tossed it to Claire. “Wait!” Claire called out as Winston stepped into the hallway. “You forget the-”
The door slammed.
“-Handcuff key.” Alone in Winston’s room, she stared at the key on his desk. “Hey, Siri!” she called out to her iPhone. “Call the Italian Stallion on speaker.”
Frank answered. “Ah, Claire: the woman with fire in thy loins. Shan’t you be in class at this time?”
“You’re, like, too silly! Mornings are for sobering up, not classing. Anywho, Winston I and totally ended our morning...prematurely.”
“Methinks you and Winston hath made more progress than Gigi and yours truly.”
“Aw, you poor thing!” Claire teased, sticking out her lower lip. “Tell you what. My hands are, like, tied right now. Hashtag literally! Wanna come up to Winston’s room and take advantage of me?”
***
At 8 AM Econ class, Jacky, Tai, Sarah, and Evelyn sat in the back of the massive lecture hall. While the professor rambled on about exponential growth, Jacky flipped through the binder of fake IDs.
“On the real, we’re not selling fake IDs,” Jacky declared, pulling out an one that favored the Latina teaching assistant. “We’re selling freedom, the way God always intended it.”
“Well put, Cali,” said Sarah. “Looks like you’ve dethroned Frank as the poet in our posse.”
“Whoa, let’s not get crazy,” Tai chuckled. “Unlike us peasants, Francisco is a Sicilian king.”
“If you love him so much, why don’t you just marry him, broseph,” Jacky snapped. Tai looked down like a shameful dog. Jacky held his grey-eyed stare like an Olympian. Finally, he burst out into laughter. “I’m just dogging you, scaredy-cat! Gotta keep you on your toes or this college junk will get stale.”
“College fucking sucks,” Evelyn chimed in, cranking the volume on her Mickey Avalon song. “It’s all a scam.”
The charismatic Jacky swiped an ID of a girl who looked like a preppy version of Evelyn. “Sounds like you need a new perspective, dudette. In college, you can be anybody you want to be. On the real, that’s why in the past 10 days, I’ve sold 25 IDs alone.”
Tai raised his eyebrows. “Twenty-fucking five? Not too shabby.”
“Oh, did I say 25? I meant that I sold 25 IDs to people in this room alone. Heck, the real total is somewhere around...200.”
Their jaws were on the floor. Jacky pulled out a roll of 100-dollar bills from his cargo shorts. He fanned the cash, then divvied a few bills to each of them.
“That’s 500 apiece each,” Jacky declared. “Just as a show of good faith that this operation won’t be a waste of our time.”
“Holy shit,” Sarah whispered, stuffing the money in her purse. “That’s almost enough goddamn cash for...half a textbook!”
“True that, but God’s last name is not damn,” Jacky hissed.
“Wait, how much money have you made so far?” Tai asked, reaching down and holding Jacky’s hand.
Plenty more,” Jacky whispered, inviting them to get close. “Look at all of God’s lost sheep in this room. Investing all this time and money to make this kind of money appear. Heck, we can do it much faster, dude and dudettes. We can take our operation straight to Beleavers.”
Jacky was referring to the Methodist youth group that met in the Chadwick Learning Center each Wednesday. Students of all faiths, colors, creeds, and M.O.’s were welcome - if only for the campus-renowned free popcorn.
“Ugh, organized religion is a farce,” Evelyn groaned, putting her headphones back in.
“Then you should have no problem taking their money,” Sarah said, yanking her earbud out.
“Exactamundo,” Jacky declared as the professor dismissed class. “Just picture all those students walking around with Mommy and Daddy’s tithe money. All we need to do is earn their business. Let’s get there early tonight and set up a vendor table. Sarah, Evelyn: we need a front. What can you sell?”
“I can sell my collection of human bones from my graveyard raids,” Evelyn offered casually.
They all stared at Evelyn in silence. “H-how about we make homemade bath bombs instead?” Sarah suggested casually.
“Perfect,” Jacky declared. “Tai and I will go to the dorm kitchen and whip up some baked goods. They’ll come for the snacks and leave with new identities.”
“Gravy,” Sarah said, flashing a peace sign. “Now, Evelyn and I have a rematch to settle.”
“Mario Kart?” Tai asked.
“Nah, grappling on the quad.” Sarah snatched Evelyn in a headlock and tickled her stomach. Evelyn burst out laughing, then tapped out. The two friends left the lecture hall.
“On the real, your hippie friend has a lot of nerve leading her on like that,” Jacky said, packing up his books.
“Eh, Sarah’s made it clear that she doesn’t like girls. Or...anybody for that matter.”
“Well, from one gay to another: Sarah’s full of horse crap.”
“Dude, they’re friends! And Evelyn’s not holding out for anything more.”
Jacky cocked his head as the last few students left the lecture hall. “What about us, Tai? Are we just friends?”
Tai leaned in to kiss him. Jacky kissed back harder, slipping his hand beneath Tai’s nylon shorts. Tai tossed his head back, pacing his breaths.
“Try to hold out as long as you can,” Jacky whispered, nibbling his neck. “I don’t want this to end…prematurely.”
“Hold out, huh?” Tai moaned between breaths. “Fuck...guess I gotta...uh, think about Evelyn the demon or something. That’s a turnoff...uh, am I right?”
“Seriously?” Jacky mumbled. “I’m trying to please you, and you’re gonna talk about another woman? Just stop talking.”
My boyfriend’s a hard nut to crack, Tai thought. Yes, it was true that Jacky had been a cocky, jealous, holier-than-thou douche during the whole class. He’s shallow. But God, his hand feels so good. So Tai let Jacky California finish. And afterward, Tai felt like the shallow one. For letting somebody kiss, caress, and fondle him when he knew for damn sure that they had nothing in common.
***
“And in conclusion,” said a female brunette. “That’s why multicultural cuisine is integral to improving the health of obese Americans in our nation. Thank you!”
“Delightful,” exclaimed Dr. Cartwright: Winston’s female Public Speaking professor. The student thanked her, then returned to her desk in the small Learning Center classroom. Today’s topic: Describe how multiculturalism has changed your life.
“Next up: Winston Beavers,” Dr. Cartwright announced. “Ah, quite a fitting last name, if I do say so myself.”
“Much obliged, ma’am.” Winston tipped his cowboy hat. “No one liked my last name until I became a student at South App.” He walked to the front of the classroom carrying two large foam boards.
“Oh! Somebody chose to use props, I see.”
“I was always a visual learner myself.” Winston set the foam boards up on tripods. “Ever since I was a little shit...um, I mean child, I always had a knack for pictures instead of words. I reckon ain’t much changed since then.”
“That’s very...insightful, Winston. Please begin whenever you’re ready.”
Two huge images were printed on the foam boards. One was a high-res photo of a revolver. The other was a simple stock photo of a 3-ring binder.
“Ladies and gents, when I enrolled last month, two precious items were stolen from me.” Winston pulled out a cigarette and pointed at each of the photos. “Exhibit A: my Colt Single Action Army revolver, gifted to me by my daddy. And Exhibit B: a top-secret binder, gifted to me by the fine folks from Beta Delta Epsilon.”
“Who’s got big dicks? We’ve got big dicks!” chanted a few BDE pledges in the back of the class.
“Don’t you forget it. Uh, anyway, I say all this to say: multiculturalism has impacted my life because it was statistically somebody of a certain race who stole these items from me.”
“Mister Beavers, I must stop you as this is highly inappropriate!” blurted out the professor’s teaching assistant.
“Let...let him continue,” Dr. Cartwright muttered, swallowing the lump in her throat. “Mister Beavers, I do presume you have...dare I say, a valuable theme in your speech?”
“I humbly assure you, I do,” replied Winston tipping his cowboy hat. “I reckon you’re gonna wanna listen to what I’m fixin’ to say.”
***
Down at the other end of the Student Center, Gigi donned goggles and rubber gloves while she weighed silver nitrate powder on a scale.
“Everybody make sure that your scale is switched to grams!” cautioned Dr. Spivey: a wild white-haired mad scientist. “And before anybody asks: no, I will not help you cook meth in an RV! I will, however, give you a list of Asheville’s finest marijuana dealers...for a price.”
Gigi added the powder to a volumetric flask. Then, she unzipped her bookbag and grabbed a bottle of distilled water. She slowly poured the water into the flask, swirling the mixture around.
“Smart, smart, smart!” Dr. Spivey praised Gigi. “Why, I see somebody brought their own water. Now, I think I know why. But please humor me.”
“Gladly!” Gigi obliged, swirling the flask until the silver nitrate dissolved completely. “Well, Professor, I opted to access my personal inventory in hopes of bypassing a lengthy dihydrogen monoxide queue! Translation: look at that line!”
Sure enough, a long line of students stood with flasks in hand, waiting to use the tap of distilled water. Dr. Spivey flipped through his attendance roster. “Ah, you’re my pre-dental student: Ji-hye.” He pronounced it incorrectly as Gee-Hi.
“Oh, it’s actually pronounced Gee-Hey. But my real name’s caused so much...um, confusion that most people call me Gigi now.”
“I see. That’s quite unfortunate. Having to change your name all because of someone else.”
Before Gigi could respond, a frat boy called out to the professor. “Hey, Walter White! I’ll pay ya a hundred bucks for a list of all your dealers. Come on, bubba, that’s like half your salary!”
Dr. Spivey sighed and feigned annoyance. “Ah, these kids and their shrewd business exchanges. Guess I better entertain their shenanigans. Keep up the diligence, Ji-hye.” That time, he pronounced it correctly.
After Dr. Spivey left, a nerdy hipster girl tapped Gigi’s shoulder. “Hey, check this out.” The girl raised her cardigan sleeve to reveal a dark silver nitrate tattoo. Fuck Landsharks. It was the South App Beavers’ rival mascot.
“I...fully approve this message!”
“Here, try one on you before the professor gets back.” The girl handed Gigi a paintbrush.
“Neat!” Gigi replied as if accepting party pills for the first time. “But what to write?” She stared at her class schedule, where her name was also listed as “Ji-hye Moon.” Maybe...I should get used to using my real name again.
Gigi pulled up her hoodie sleeve and dipped the brush into the silver nitrate solution. Just then, the professor summoned everybody back to their desks for discussion. “Ji-hye, Ji-hye, Ji-hye,” she repeated, quickly painting a tattoo on the inside of her left hand.
Gigi rushed back to her desk. Dr. Spivey laughed at the class, his white hair sprawling in all directions. “Fools! I saw what you did. Now, let this be a lesson in commitment. Because silver nitrate tattoos take a week to fade. Now...who wants to show me theirs? Or shall I start calling names?”
Goosebumps rose on the back of Gigi’s neck. Not because her tattoo was semi-permanent, but because she was surely about to be the center of attention. But after a moment of tension, the professor simply dismissed class. Gigi bolted out the door. “So long, Ji-hye!” his voice echoed down the hall.
Shit, did he see my tattoo? Gigi picked up the pace, bumping into students who filed out of the Learning Center classrooms. Around the corner, she heard the grinding of coffee beans and frothing of whole milk. She would soon reach safety at Doppio Coffee Shop...
“Whaaa-oomph!” Gigi gasped, slipping on a banana peel. She landed flat on her back, sending her notebook and loose papers flying.
“Whoa, are you okay?” asked a short Indian guy as he rushed to Gigi’s aid. He helped her to her feet. “Yo, did you get that on video?” he asked another Indian, who ran up with a video camera. “Hey, Miss, it was just a social experiment! See, we’re from the South App Social Club. Hey, are you listening? It was just a prank, bro!”
A mentally-drained Gigi kneeled down to collect her supplies. It was only when Gigi reached down to collect her papers that she read the tattoo on her hand. And it did not read Ji-hye...
“WINSTON?!” her voice cracked.
“Jesus fuckin’ Christ,” mumbled a young cowboy, hunched over a large caramel frappuccino. “Are ya that surprised to find me here?”
Winston was sitting at Doppio Coffee Shop. Gigi hurriedly pulled down her hoodie sleeves past her fingertips. She balled the draping sleeves over her fists, concealing the palms of her hands. Then, she walked over to Winston as if she didn’t look like a complete-
“You look like a complete dork!” Winston chuckled.
“Oh! I was...uh, cold,” Gigi lied. She held up her balled-up fists like a panda bear. “See, I made my own gloves!”
Winston snatched her right wrist, then placed it palm-down on the counter. He reached into his pocket for a dull, rusty Swiss Army Knife.
“So what we wanna do is make a quick little incision where the thumb is right here.” Winston cut a small hole in the sleeve. Carefully, he guided her thumb through the hole to create a mitten of sorts for her small hand.
“Now, let’s do your left hand.”
Gigi’s heart skipped a beat as he grabbed her tattooed left hand and lay her palm on the table. Don’t look at my tattoo, don’t look at it, don’t look at it!
“Ugh, damn blade’s straight-up fucked,” Winston scoffed. “Must’ve been that buck I skinned.”
“Eek! That’s so gross! Have you at least washed it?” Don’t look at it, don’t look at it, don’t look at it!
Winston ignored her question. “Here, let me see your palm so I can-”
For the love of all that is sacred and holy, don’t look at it, don’t look at it, DON’T LOOK AT IT!
“I have to poop!” Gigi blurted out.
Winstons let go of Gigi’s hand. He and everybody else stared in disbelief. Of course, she was lying. It’s not even what she meant to say. But Gigi took that baton and ran a country mile. “Um...it appears that most sharp cheeses give me constipation. But ever since I ate all those mozzarella sticks, I have major runs!”
Gigi stood up, crossed her arms, and bowed. Then, she skittered off to the restroom - her secret safe in her left hand.
A preppy guy and girl walked up behind the dumbfounded Winston. “Yo, country boy needs to teach his lady friend some manners, am I right?” The guy looked around, trying to rally the cafe customers for support. “That’s one thing I hate about this liberal town. What a fuckin’ dyke.”
A storm brewed in Winston’s head. But he kept it bottled up inside. He chuckled instead, placing a hand on the guy’s shoulder. A pause. Suddenly, Winston yanked him into a headlock, holding the pocket knife to his crotch. His girlfriend shrieked like a mouse, while the young man raised his trembling hands.
“Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck!” the guy yelled.“T-take it easy, man! I was just-”
“Now listen here, partner.” Winston applied pressure with his blade. “I’ve had my share of good days. Matter fact, they’ve been a dime a dozen. But I reckon I’ve had my share of bad days too. And this right here is one of them bad days.” Winston motioned at the paper next to his drink. “See that-there paper over there? That’s the speech I just gave in front of a crowd of SJWs. And you wanna know what the teacher gave me? D-fuckin’-minus.”
“I’m...s-s-sorry,” the preppy guy whimpered.
“Yeah, me too,” Winston grumbled, using his knife to flick off the button on the guy’s board shorts.
“Somebody, do something!” the guy’s air-headed girlfriend cried.
And on cue, a thin brown liquid ran down the preppy guy’s legs. It seeped into his white Champion socks and stained his off-brand boat shoes. The putrid smell hit the gasping, coughing patrons.
Satisfied, Winston shoved the guy into his girlfriend’s arms. “I reckon you best wash up, partner.” Whispers and murmurs in the crowd while the preppy boy limped toward the men’s bathroom. “Hol’ up. I reckon you best make your way to the female bathroom. Matter fact, all bathrooms are gender-neutral around these parts. And while you’re in there, you can apologize to that so-called dyke from earlier. Tell her Winston Motherfucking Beavers sent you.”
With anguish and defeat in his eyes, the lady entered the female bathroom. Satisfied, Winston gathered his things and decided that it was time to get the fuck out of there. But when he turned around to leave, a thunderous applause erupted behind him like an action movie explosion. Winston smiled mischievously. For the first time since he enrolled, he finally belonged.
Suddenly, Winston slipped on the banana feel and landed square on his elbow. “Oh, shit!” exclaimed the Indian student, running to his side. “Are you okay, man?”
***
Frank shivered on top of Claire as she dug her nails into his back. He lay there for a moment, his breath ragged. Then, he rolled off, breathing heavily on Winston’s top bunk. He slipped off the latex condom and tossed it into an empty cheese ball can on Winston’s bunk.
“Alas, thou hadst sucketh the chi from my body and-”
“Remember, like, no talking!” Claire reminded him condescendingly. She pulled the covers over her breasts, opened Instagram, and took a duck-face selfie.
“Ah, perhaps you didn’t get a chance to c-”
“Like, no.” Claire casually added a rabbit-ear filter and snapped a pic. “But that’s, like, totally okay...I guess.”
Frank transformed from Shakespeare to Sherlock, scanning Winston’s filthy bachelor bedspread for something. Anything. There were cigarette butts, saltine crumbs, half a stick of butter, Fun Dip packages with only the dip missing, a whole uneaten chicken wing, piss in a Sprite bottle, a Happy Meal box with a dead rat inside, three leaking D Batteries, and Marie Kondo’s The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up.
Finally, Frank grabbed a nearly-empty can of whipped cream. He yanked the covers off the naked Claire and sprayed a line from her collarbone to navel. Now, he had Claire’s full, undivided attention. She slowly looked down at the runny mess that pooled into her belly button. Then, she gave him the hungriest bedroom eyes Frank had ever seen.
“If you’re, like, going to play with your food, then you better totally clean up after yourself.”
Frank and Claire proceeded to do unthinkable things in that bed. And Winston’s top bunk held on by faith and faith alone. Finally, they collapsed next to one another. Two sweaty messes bathing in afterglow. Afterward, they snuck into the men’s shower where they agreed on two things. One: they were going to burn that mattress out of respect for Winston. And two: they were going to have sex at Beleavers that night.
***
“Look here, you little bitch!”
Evelyn grabbed the young, black cheerleader’s collar and pulled her across the table, showing her fangs.
“W-whoa!” the cheerleader stammered. “Chill out! I’m...sorry.”
“Sorry about what?”
The girl panned from Evelyn to Sarah, Tai, and Jacky. “I’m...uh, sorry for asking you if you were selling tickets to a Marilyn Manson concert.”
“Apology accepted!” Sarah cheered on Evelyn’s behalf. She pointed at the assorted bath bombs for sale in the Learning Center Ballroom. “Everything you see here is between 10 and 15. If you have a sweet tooth, the fine gents to my right are selling yummy cookies and banana bread. Or…” Sarah pulled out the sacred BDE binder and placed it on the table. “Between you and me, we’re selling fake IDs.”
“Yeah!” Tai said. “There’s a few young ladies in there who have a mocha complexion almost as rich as yours!”
Jacky elbowed Tai in the ribs. Tai sucked in a breath, while his boyfriend acted as nothing had just happened. My boyfriend is jealous over fuckin’ everything.
The cheerleader looked over her shoulder to make sure the coast was clear. Then, she flipped through the pages as if she was dress shopping. “They contain the new state watermark and everything!” Sarah informed her customer. “We accept only cash at the moment. They cost-”
“A hundred, dudette,” Jacky interjected. Sarah gave him a worrisome side-eye at the exorbitant price. But as expected, the rich cheerleader pulled out the bills and handed them over.
“Oh, that makeup actually makes your eyes pop - no cap,” the cheerleader told Evelyn, before disappearing into the Beleavers crowd with her fake ID.
“Mission accomplished!” Jacky cheered. They had managed to pull off just over 100 sales: 7500 bucks split four ways. Now, it was time to close up shop for the night. Soon, the Christian rock band would take the stage to celebrate God in a room full of students with brand new identities.
“Come on, Tai,” Jacky said, smiling warmly. “Let’s grab some popcorn. I have somebody I want you to meet.”
Tai waved at the girls as they watched them leave.
“I...really don’t know what to make of Jacky,” Sarah admitted. “A few weeks ago, I tracked him down across campus because I thought he was smoking hot. I mean, he still is. But still…”
“He’s a fucking fake,” Evelyn fumed. “That holier-than-thou douchelord can sit on a tack.”
“Whoa, sounds like you need to relieve some stress,” Sarah chuckled, punching Evelyn’s arm. “Why don’t we head to the quad and settle our tie-breaker?”
At that, Sarah and Evelyn left for one last grappling match to end them all.
***
Winston and Gigi approached the Ballroom entrance, where thumping Christian rock rattled the door.
“So...are you a Christian or are you here for the popcorn?” Winston asked.
“A little bird told me that it is pretty tasty!” Gigi admitted sheepishly.
“And I reckon that little bird was Frankie?”
“Yes, actually! He’s supposed to meet me here. But...I haven’t heard from him in a few hours.”
“Ah. Same with Claire.”
Just like last week’s restaurant date, Gigi and Winston had been once again ghosted by their lovers. It had become a running meme at this point.
“M-maybe their bus is running late?” Gigi suggested, failing to convince even herself.
“Hey, while we’re meddlin’ in conspiracy theories, I’ve got one too. See, Frankie likes to cook. And I’mma bet he’s with Claire, baking her a fresh, homemade cream-”
Gigi clamped her hand over Winston’s mouth. Gigi’s pupils said it all. So he opted to lay off the jokes. Neither either of them really believed their lovers were sneaking around with each other.
Winston opened the ballroom door and promptly caught an elbow to the temple.
“Oomph!” Winston groaned. Gigi slouched against the wall for safety. The scene was no Sunday morning gospel band. This was a Christian hardcore band. And they had just walked into a mosh pit.
“W-Winston!” Gigi yelled over the screamo vocals. But among the flurry of flailing super-Christians, Winston had vanished. Gigi bent her knees and jumped as high as she could, searching for his cowboy hat in the crowd. Suddenly, a punk-rock girl came up from behind and lifted her into the air.
“She’s tryin’ to go surfing!” the girl yelled, heaving her into the crowd like a FedEx package. Gigi gasped before landing into a sea of open hands. This “wave” slowly guided her through the spazzing strobe lights and fog.
Suddenly, an anonymous hand grazed her breast, then very deliberately squeezed it. “W-whaaa!?” Gigi pulled her knee to her stomach, then kicked the culprit square in the face.
“You bitch!” the fondler yelled psychotically, cupping a hand over his bleeding nose. “Throw this fucking slut overboard!” And, in unison, the moshers raised and lowered her body in their hands. “One, two, three!”
Gigi flew into the air - falling, falling, falling until she crashed into a table of baked goods and bath bombs. Winded, she slipped behind the tablecloth and curled up under the table. The mob raged outside.
“Animals,” Gigi whispered, rubbing her sore breast. Alone in the dark under that table, she wanted to cry. She could only imagine what Winston would have done if she caught that pervert red-handed. Maybe I should have let him keep his gun.
Gigi turned on her phone’s flashlight and looked around. Under the table were several cardboard boxes. One, in particular, was labeled Sarah’s Box O’Fun. Gigi recognized it immediately. On move-in day, she’d watched Sarah unpack a huge bong from that very box. Then, Sarah had dared a drunk Winston to drink the bong water. He did. (“Gigi, meet my brother.”)
This is...Sarah’s table? She’s here at Beleavers tonight? Feeling gutsy, she sifted through the box. On top of the mountain of bath bombs and baked goods, the B.D.E. binder sat there in all its glory. She flipped through pages upon pages of fake IDs. On a scratch sheet of notebook paper: a tally of sales for Sarah, Evelyn, Tai, and Claire. But no Winston. And slowly, her busy brain started to connect the dots.
“Holy balls,” she whispered, snapping the stolen binder shut. She thought about taking it right then and there and returning it to its bearded beast of an owner. But another thought crossed her mind.
I could leave it here and blackmail them for money, Gigi thought. All I have to do is threaten to tell Winston! The decision was set in stone. She left the binder behind and slipped out from under the table. But not before stealing a baseball-sized charcoal bath bomb.
***
In the popcorn line, safe from the mosh pit, Jacky stood in front of Tai with his back turned. The blonde-haired surfer had been rambling excitedly with an Asian guy for five minutes now. And not once had Jacky thought to introduce him.
“Oh, Tai Maple!” Jacky finally remembered, turning to face him. “This is my friend: Benji. Benji, meet Tai.”
This freckle-faced Asian guy gave a slight bow. Tai immediately knew who he was. In fact, Gigi had given him the full scoop while she and Tai had shared her very first cheese pizza. It had all begun on the day where the freshmen tracked down Jacky in his mail truck. Jacky had mistaken the cross-dressing Gigi with the Benji who now stood before him.
And this Benji was allegedly Jacky’s secret long-time crush.
“Benji, would you please grab us a popcorn?” Jacky asked politely, stepping out of the line. “I need to talk to my friend here...alone.”
“Friend,” Tai echoed, following Jacky like a lost puppy.
“Tai, this is just as hard for me, brother,” Jacky frowned, more condescending than empathetic.
“The hell it is!” Tai blew up, drowned out by the hardcore band. “You had your hand in my pants just a few hours ago! Were you fucking planning on leaving me this whole time? For him?!”
“Tai, listen man. Look, I know everything. When you showed up at the coffee shop, I knew you’d been spying on me long before you met me. I first thought our meeting was a...beautiful coincidence. But all along, you were pulling the wool over my eyes. But that’s okay, brochacho! Because I gave you a chance anyway. See, I wanted to save you from what you are! You’re a liar, bro. But in God’s eyes, we all-”
“I let you take my goddamn virginity!” Tai exploded over the music, his jaw twitching uncontrollably.
A pitiful look from Jacky. “I see. That does complicate things a bit, on the real. Look, you can have a quarter of my earnings from tonight’s sales. And I promise to pray for you every night before-”
“Fuck you and fuck your God! I hope you die in your fucking sleep! I hate you, I hate you, I HATE YOU!”
Tai turned around and walked confidently out of the ballroom, holding his head up high while vertigo weighed it down. But nobody stopped him. And not once did he look back.
***
Winston limped down the Learning Center hallway with a pounding headache. He struggled to keep his twitching, swollen eye open while passing the empty classrooms. Where he was going, not even he knew. He just had to get far away from that mosh pit.
“Calm, child! You’re quite a fool to be walking around with a concussion!”
Winston turned around. Through his good eye, he saw a large, middle-aged Haitian woman in an African floral dress and headwrap. She held a bible in her large, smooth hands.
“Join us, child,” the woman beckoned, pointing into a classroom of Haitian students in chairs.
Winston smiled weakly, thinking back to his controversial speech from class that morning. “I mighty appreciate it, ma’am. But I reckon I ain’t much worthy.” He turned to walk away, but accidentally stumbled like a drunkard into the woman’s arms.
“Soft, my child,” she soothed him, ushering him into the room of students. “Not one of us is worthy. But there is good news.”
A half-hour later, Winston was sitting in the front row of the Haitian Student Ministry with a bag of frozen peas pressed to his swollen eye. The matriarch, Nadia, was delivering a passionate Psalm 107 sermon to her students.
“Let the one who is wise heed these things,” Nadia read. “And ponder the loving deeds of the Lord. Amen. Now, to conclude, I’d like to introduce our guest: Winston from Beleavers. Please, child, tell us about yourself.”
The young men on either side of Winston gave him a back pat. Winston slowly stood up and tipped his cowboy hat. In his mind, it was his Public Speaking 101 all over again. But in class, he hadn’t been standing in front of all-black students. Like he was now.
“Well, like I told Nurse Nadia earlier. I don’t feel like I’m worthy among y’all fine folks here. I mighty appreciate Nadia for patching me up. And for y’all’s hospitality.”
Winston headed for the door, but Nadia blocked the exit. “Please, child. Do your sins trouble you? May it ease your soul to know that there are redeemed people in this very room who have committed acts of credit card fraud, gang violence, and even beastiality?”
Winston blinked.
But somehow, Nadia’s words did not repel these people away. They brought them closer. So Winston opened his mouth and confessed what had been brewing in his mind all day.
“Well, uh...today in speech class, I said the N-word. I didn’t mean to be ugly when I said it. Only said it to take power away from it. But I reckon I really hurt a couple of people in that class. The only reason the teacher didn’t ban me from the class was ‘cause she wanted me to learn a lesson this year. And I’m tryin’, Nadia. I’m...tryin’ real hard.”
The students didn’t come forward to comfort Winston, who now choked on tears. But they didn’t back away either. It was only when Nadia lay a hand on him that the other students followed suit.
“It sounds like you have a lot to think on,” Nadia said warmly, as layers of hands covered him. “I wish you luck on your journey. We will always be here whenever Beleavers get a little too...rowdy.”
Nadia and the students led a closing prayer for Winston. He smiled as a rush of dopamine reached the brain. The tears flowed freely, even as he used the bag of frozen peas to dab his face.
“Amen,” Nadia concluded. Everybody left Winston’s side and began stacking chairs.
“Wait,” Winston said, returning to his confident southern drawl. “Let me take care of them-there chairs. It’s...the least this poor white boy can do.”
And so, Winston began folding chairs alone while the others left. And like Jesus on the Via Dolorosa, he began carrying ten chairs down the long hallway toward the supply closet. And like all other men, Winston was hell-bent on making only one trip.
“Winston!” Gigi blurted out as he turned a corner. With his hands full, his black eye had nowhere to hide. Gigi dropped her jaw. Then, her mouth formed a pitiful frown. She kissed her tattoo-free hand and gently pressed her fingertips on Winston’s eyelid.
“One more time,” Winston suggested with a grin.
Gigi hesitantly kissed her hand, then reached for Winston’s eyelid again. Suddenly, Winston playfully bit her hand. “Eek!” Gigi quickly brought her hand to her chest.
“You’re a good woman, Gigi,” Winston chuckled, reflecting on his own moral character. Both of their faces flushed red. He shook his head, arms trembling from the weight they carried. “Look, I gotta put these chairs up. Walk with me.”
Gigi carried four of the chairs. And even then, she lagged behind Winston. “So, what’s the word on Frankie? You find him in that-there mob?”
Gigi shook her head, her long black hair whipping back and forth. “Nope! And Claire?”
“Shit,” Winston said, emotionally detached. “Honestly, I don’t expect to see her ever again.”
“Hmmm...so why don’t they love us anymore?”
“Beats me,” said Winston, as they set their chairs down at the closet door. “But if I was a betting man, I’d wager it’s because you and I seem to be attached at the hip these days.”
“Do you think they don’t trust us together? I mean, as friends?”
“Should they?”
Gigi opened her mouth, then closed it. Then, they quickly reached for the doorknob at the same time. A moment passed, and they did not move their hands. Slowly, her earthy brown eyes met his icy blue ones. Gigi’s tattoo was on fire.
Together, they turned the doorknob. And lo and behold: it was Frank and Claire.
Frank’s pants were around his ankles - all eight inches of uncut glory on full display. Claire was on her knees, snorting an eight-inch line of red-and-white cocaine from root to tip. As soon as they were spotted, Claire frantically wiped her nose while Frank shuffled to button his pants.
“W-w-woe is me!” Frank moaned in despair. “It doth appear that our feline hath escaped its rucksack!”
“Like, no fucking shit, Sherlock!” Claire snapped, brushing the cocaine off her shirt. “Do you ever, like, shut the fuck up? Like, look Winston and Gigi! I promise this is, like, not what it looks like. It was just, like, like, like, like, like-”
Winston and Gigi slowly stared at each other - sly grins on their faces.
“Um...are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Gigi asked Winston cheerfully.
“I sure the hell am, buddy,” Winston answered. They each grabbed a folding chair and approached the pair of adulterers.
***
A short while later, at dusk, Winston and Gigi sat on the curb of the Chadwick Hughes Learning Center - handcuffed. A fresh-faced, fat officer stood with his arms crossed, staring at the excited pair of criminals.
“So, you mean to tell me you…stabbed this chick with a chair?” the officer asked, dumbfounded.
“Yep!” Gigi piped up, a wide smile plastered on her face. “I managed to wield my melee weapon like a medieval knight, riding with the north winds until that raging thundercunt landed on her assless keister!”
“That was fuckin’ awesome,” Winston said, giving her an elbow bump. “But not as awesome as me crackin’ Frankie’s skull.”
The cop knitted his brows, taking extensive notes. “Alrighty then. Anything else y’all wanna add?”
Gigi and Winston grinned at each other, adrenaline fueling their veins. They had truly saved the best for last.
“Then, I took out my phone,” Winston started. “And I showed them a pic of-”
“He flashed them a pic of him taking my virginity!” Gigi finished proudly. But it was a lie. No, Winston had instead shown the cheaters the photo of Gigi eating cheese for the first time with Winston. And despite being attacked with a chair, that photo had shocked Frank more than anything.
Cop 2 walked over to Cop 1 and whispered something into his ear. Cop 1 nodded and pointed at Jacky and Claire. The pair looked tired and traumatized, and were hugging and consoling each other next to another cop car.
“Y’all got off lucky this time,” Cop 2 jeered. “They ain’t gonna press charges. You must have some deep dirt on ‘em or something.”
He wasn’t wrong. That red-and-white cocaine was Ryan’s signature product. The BDE fraternity circulated that cocaine more widely than Jacky and his fake IDs. And it was a much larger, lucrative operation. In Winston’s eyes, Claire didn’t want to risk Winston snitching in retaliation for being thrown in jail.
“Ladies first,” said Cop 1, helping Gigi off the curb to her feet. He spun her around and unlocked her handcuffs. “What kinda ink job is that?” the cop muttered, reading the silver nitrate tattoo on Gigi’s palm. “Winston...wait a sec. Hey, that’s your name, right?”
Winston cocked his head at the cop’s question. Gigi’s knees trembled as she let out a nervous chuckle. It surely wasn’t the craziest thing to happen that day. But goddamn, would it be hard to explain.
“Gigi, what the hell?” Winston muttered with a blank expression.
“Call me Ji-hye!” Gigi blurted out proudly. Winston shook his head with a smile as he watched her disappear into the Asheville night.
submitted by welcometosouthapp to welcometosouthapp [link] [comments]


2020.08.24 10:38 samanthaj5 Video sex spy camera

I got a Valve Index today and mostly came here to share some disappointment. I'm sure there are mistakes and possibly solutions to some of these problems as I've only had the device for less than 24hrs.
I've had a Rift for the last 3 years and was mostly happy with it except for the Facebook spying. Some issues with my Rift on a new PC and the announcement about the Facebook accounts being required soon pushed me over the edge to finally get an Index. I got lucky to get one so quickly. Whatever company represents them where I live their site said 6-8 week wait, sign up to be notified. I signed up and got a message 2 days later, "We got a new shipment. Order ASAP while supplies last". I ordered immediately and 2 days after that it arrived.
So, I unboxed it, set it up, started trying some stuff out. Hadn't really read any reviews in depth other than a general feeling that lots of them were saying it was the best of the current gen of VR devices. I did talk to a friend who has Rift, Quest, and an Index and he liked the Index controllers best but likes Quest in terms of just being able to use it immediately and no cables. I don't mind cables so much and further I want to play PC GPU based stuff, not mobile phone GPU stuff.
Anyway, since it just arrived and I've barely used it I'm already wondering if it was a mistake.
First thing, and I know I'm probably the only person in the world this affects, ... when I first set it up the hands were stuttering like crazy. After futzing with various things I finally figured out it was my infrared wireless headphones, or rather the base that is beaming out audio in infrared. This is disappointing as I pretty much always watch TV with the headphones so I don't annoy the neighbors (thin floors/thin walled apartment). I use infrared for 2 reasons. One, my stupid expensive Sony TV doesn't support bluetooth headphones even though it's running AndroidTV and has bluetooth!!! You can connect other bluetooth devices, just not headphones. No idea why they made that decision. The other is with infrared headphones you have one transmitter and as many sets of headphones as you want. I have 2 currently. I've had 4 in the past so more than one person can use them at the same time and/or switching is instant. If the batteries die just grab another. No need to switch output on the TV or re-pair bluetooth.
Anyway, shutting off the headphone base station fixed the hand stuttering issue with the Index but then later I tried to watch TV. I turned the headphone base station back on but there was a loud buzzing in the headphones from the Index Base Stations. In other words I have to turn them off in order to watch TV. That sounds like a minor friction but is it really? I'd pop on the Rift for 1 or 2 songs in rhythm games, then pop it off (because sweat) and watch some TV. Then back. etc.... The overhead of switching will likely make that stop. Maybe if I didn't have to dig behind bookshelves or under desks to turn them on/off.
Anyway, the first game I played was Portal Stories: VR. For some reason last night I replayed the original Portal (It's only like ~90mins to clear or less). While setting up the Index I was like "hmmm, they must have a VR version of Portal by now?" so I check the store and see "Portal Stories: VR" (free) and I'm thinking "How have I not already played this...... oh, no Rift version". Okay so I download and play. It's fine. Nothing special about playing on Index so it just feels like 6DOF VR, same as Rift.
I then played Synth Riders which I already had installed. It felt pretty much the same as Rift so that made me happy. I only picked it up in July and have been enjoying it although it's so sweat inducing I can only play 1 or at most 2 songs before I have to stop.
Then, I don't know if I'd call this my favorite game in VR but it is the game I've spent the most time playing and that's Audica. That right there will probably get me scorn. I know the mob says Beat Saber is it but even though I've spent several hours in Beat Saber I always come back to Audica. I've been playing for over a year and have 3-5 stars on expert level on every song and I was still playing 2-3 times a week, just 2-4 songs at a time.
Things that stick out compared to Rift.

  1. The gray levels are horrid on this Index. Maybe I can adjust them but Audica was not nearly as immersive at all without black. It feels like there's smoke or fog in the arena or like my eyes are steamed up.
    I actually noticed this on the SteamVR home when I first turned it on that the colors seemed washed out but it was really noticeable in Audica.
  2. The Index headphones that hover over the ears are the worst idea ever.
    There's multiple issues here. One is that it's just not as good sounding as closer headphones. Like basses are not as bassy. It's really horrible for music games. If you listen to music on headphones regularly you'll notice how the music doesn't sound remotely as good on these headphones. It's tinny and missing the fullness from headphones that touch the ear. I tried some $25 low-quality bluetooth in-ear buds and even at 25% volume they sound better and fuller, richer, than the Index ones at 100%.
    Another issue is that the sound bleeds into the room far more than Rift. There will be no playing any games at 3am with my thin walls with these headphones. I saw a thread that claimed the headphones are magic and don't bleed sound. I can only guess those people are deaf from too much thrash metal or dubstep haha. It's not remotely quiet. The thread I saw said they thought someone could sit in the same room and watch TV and not be distracted by the sounds. There is no way that's possible. If I put some music on my iPhone and set the volume to 20-25% and set the iPhone next to me on the chair, that's about the volume level. If someone was watching a sports game or something loud then maybe they wouldn't notice but if they were watching a drama or trying to listen to other music it would totally be distracting.
  3. The triggers on the controllers are super stiff and that's not so good for a rhythm game that requires squeezing rapidly to the music. I can see how this alone would make people who have an Index dislike Audica. For me though, given this is one of my favorites games it's really disappointing. I have no idea if I can open the controllers and adjust the tension to be like a 3rd of what it is or if that would help. It's possible I'd just get used to it.
  4. I'm not sure I'm sold on rechargeable batteries.
    This one is probably minor but if you want to play NOW or you're in the middle of a long session it's going to be no fun to be told "recharge your controllers". I've played several games 3-8 hours straight on the Rift. Different systems but those would include Farpoint(PSVR), Lone Echo(Rift), No Man's Sky(Rift), Astrobot(PSVR), Half Life: Alyx (Rift). Maybe a couple of others. The Rift controllers use a single AA battery each so if I run out it is just a moment to be back up and running. Playstation controllers are rechargeable but I have 4 of them so if one goes out I just grab another. And, they are on nice charging stations with those tiny USB dongle things so no plugs. I set them down and they're charging immediately. No having to fiddle with wires. I see someone at least thought this might be an issue as they sell a wrist mounted battery pack for the Index controllers.
  5. Having to manually turn on the controllers.
    This will sound silly and it is but it's one of those things you notice when you switch devices as it sticks out. With Rift the controllers just work. Pick them up and start interacting. With Index you have to press the power button on each stick and then wait a few seconds. The Rift controls would last for months on one battery so this is just a design issue. I have no idea how much juice the Index controllers use but they'd be better if they worked like the Rift controllers and just came on when used and turned off if they noticed they were not in use.
    Also did the controllers really need to make sound when turned on/off? Optionally make a sound? Ok. But I don't need more sounds coming from my devices. My phones all let me shut off the UI sounds and poweoff sounds. There's already an LED showing the power. There is absolutely no need for power on/off sounds.
  6. There is no "easy" way to completely turn off the chaperone boundaries.
    On Oculus inside VR you just click settings->guardian->off->confirm. Done. In SteamVR there is no off. There's just various forms of more or less intrusive. Searching the interwebs I find that I can manually edit some config file in a text editor. That's pretty lame. This is a setting I switch depending on the game.
    My setup at home is like this
    +----------+ +------------------+ | | | Books/TV/Etc | +----------+ +------------------+ | ............... | +---+...............+------------+ | | |...............|Coffee Table| | | D |...............+------------+ | | e |............... | | s | +-------------------+ | k | | | | +----------+ @ SOFA | +---+----------+-------------------+ 
    The area marked by dots is my chaperone / play area but I often sit on the sofa where the @ mark is. VR works fine there but it's not in my chaperone area so I want an easy way to turn off the boundary display and then turn it back on when I play an aggressive game so I don't put my hand through something. Manually editing a config file and re-starting Steam is not friendly at all and slow. Especially when the usual situation is, start steam, start steam vr, put on controllers, put on HMD, start game, only then realize you need to the boundaries on or off so then it's HMD off, controllers, of quit steam vr, launch editor, load file, edit setting, save file, start steam vr, put controllers back on, put HMD back on, start game. So as minor as it is it's not so minor if you actually need the feature.
So then at night I tried VaM. Yea I'm going to bring that up. I don't know if it's a dirty secret or a well known fact but I'm pretty sure 98% of all people that have VR at home watch adult content in one form or another.
So, … what can I say, more issues.
  1. One handed use is not so great.
    Suffice it to say, a controller you can easily pick up and use with one hand comes in handy. The Index controllers are arguably more awkward to use if one hand is busy, full, or dirty since they're designed to require two hands to put on.
  2. VAM controls suck
    This is a VAM issue more than an Index issue but, VAM has this control system where one thumbstick moves left/right/forward/back and the other thumbstick turns counterclockwise, clockwise, and goes up and down (height/elevation). Well, it doesn't take a lot of imagination to see those controls are not well thought out. If you're playing VAM then likely one hand is busy!!! You need everything to be controllable by one controller!!!! Fortunately on Oculus if you press and hold the thumbstick in then moving your hand in space any direction translates the camera so you can use that mode to do up/down/left/right/forward/back and further, rotating the controller rotates the view so you get all the controls with a single button, no need for sticks at all (which is 8 buttons lost!).
    Unfortunately for whatever reason VAM chose not to support the thumbsticks on Index which means if you want to use VAM for arguably it's intended purpose you keep having to juggle the 2 controllers with one hand. Generally you put one down and try to nudge the thumbstick without picking it up but still it's really annoying that you can't do it all from one controller.
  3. in VR Desktop compositing pales in comparison to Oculus.
    On Oculus you can pull up your desktop or any window on your desktop, or multiple windows and position them anywhere at almost any angle, pin them and they will stay put while you're playing a game. This is great for referencing help while stuck in some game, or pinning some communications window (chat, video, etc..) and for many games you can even get it to do depth testing. So for example, launch VAM, load a character, pull up your desktop, launch VLC, play a favorite scene, put it behind your character billboard size. Heck, play 4 movies in 4 windows behind your VAM characters.
    Apparently "OVR Toolkit" is a solution for this on Index though if I understand correctly it can't do the depth buffer thing which makes it far less useful for VAM.
  4. Just as non-private as Oculus?
    One thing I hated about Oculus is it records every app you run, probably reports it to facebook, and further, it adds it to your dashboard so next time you launch VR there's a giant "you recently played these adult games". Not so great for when you're showing VR to your mom, kids, visitors etc… I'm all for sex positiveness but come on! Some things are best kept private. I'm sure if you're LGBT and you have reasons to hide that fact you'd prefer if it wasn't so easy to be accidentally discovered.
    Well, I was hoping Index / SteamVR was better at this but it's just bad. As soon as I exited VaM there it is on my recent apps list..
    There's a law that it's illegal to share movie video rental records.
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Video_Privacy_Protection_Act
    That law ought to cover video games as well and it should be illegal for Apple, Facebook, Value, Sony, Google, Microsoft, etc to track that info without your permission. You should be able to opt out not just of making it public but of it being collected at all or arguably it should default off and you should have to explicitly opt in. And further, you should arguably be able to keep certain apps out of your recently used list. I suspect some reporter will have to publish some congress person's adult games history in order for the law to get extended to games and apps.
    Do SmartTVs have this issue? You watch some adult movie and you turn your TV on the next morning and there's "Santa rides Rudolph (XXX)" with graphic thumbnail of naked woman wearing a santa hat and naked man with a red ball on his nose on your TV for your children to see on the "recently watched" or "in progress" row of the TV's home screen.
    Fortunately it appears VaM doesn't stick around in the recent list but … this is also just an issue in general. Steam has a growing library of adult titles. There needs to be a way to not have your usage of them tracked, shared, etc...
Conclusion, TL;DR I'm feeling pretty strongly this Index was a mistake for me and I should probably just sell it ASAP while it still has value. I'm not saying it's bad, it's just not an obvious upgrade or a solution to my Rift issues. I'm not sure what "best in Index" VR games I should be looking forward to, so, if right now if I playing Audica is worse, if the headphones are worse meaning I need 3rd party headphones making it even more cumbersome, if I have constantly turn on and off the base stations, and if the VaM usage is also poor there isn't much point for me. It's not qualitatively better in any way I can tell except it's not owned by Facebook. I was hoping it would end up being a clear win but as it is, at least for my use cases, it seems to be mostly 1 step forward several steps back.
Not that I want to go back to Rift. There are reasons I took a risk and bought an Index. It's just I want a no-compromises device! (and a pony!)
submitted by samanthaj5 to virtualreality [link] [comments]


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submitted by IdolA22Augl to u/IdolA22Augl [link] [comments]


2020.08.15 03:54 vendineverous Video sex spy camera

Here's my tale of self sabotage. Did I mess everything up all by myself or did she also play a role in it? Beyond that, I'm dealing with forgiving myself and moving on. Loving myself, and not let my past traumas affect any future relationships.
My ex gf had me and all of her friends and family that I was a covert nar c. I do have some anxiety, neediness, trauma, self sabotage issues. But only some of the main traits apply to me. True narcs don't change for they dont feel like anythibg is wrong with them. I have a lot of empathy for others, I feel hard for people that go through struggles, abuse, neglect, etc. She told me about all of the abuse she endured from her father, ex husbands, boyfriends, and I tried really hard not to engage in any of that type of behavior.
I had a grandiose narc ex wife that isolated me from my friends, and was violently abusive, dramaticly self absorbed, started fights constantly, cheated on me constantly, then accused me of doing all of these things. A very co-dependent relationship and I hated her. I tried to endure it since we had 2 kids together until I finally got out and divorced her. I left my young children mainly with her since I was the only one that worked and since I couldn't afford to pay for 2 households, I had to give her main custody.
I didn't heal from that before starting another real relationship. I still didn't quite trust my own self worth. Furthermore, I know I have these issues and I've been in therapy for about 6 months now. I'm working on valuing myself enough to not sabotage any future relationships.
The problem is I didn't see the narc traits in my next gf. She idealized me for the first 6 months. She told me that I was special, that she was madly in love with me, that she wished that we had our kids together instead of who we chose. She made me feel special, we were instantly in love from the start. We had so many things in common. We had this chemical connection where when we would touch it was like we already knew each other and our bodies belonged together. She had these little quirks that were so cute, I was madly and hopelessly in love with her but I hid it until she told me she was in love with me. I wanted to be with her nearly all the time. We would look at each other from across the room and feel this energy between us. Something I have never felt and haven't since with anyone. It was electric, I wanted to marry her and grow old together. The sex between us was amazing, she would climax long and hard and her pleasure cries would shake the house.
She also however had an ex fuck buddy that she still talked to, that sent her sexually suggestive messages, she told me it was nothing and made me feel like I was an asshole for getting upset about it. I told her I wasn't comfortable with her hanging out at his house (she never went over there to my knowledge) and she acted like I was being ridiculous that I was trying to control her. I never ever told her what to do nor what not to do. She did in fact tell him not to send her those types of msgs she told me, but a seed was planted in my jealous head.
My ex wife and I fought about a lot of things about 7 or 8 months into my relationship with my ex gf when I told her that I was about to move in with her. She threatened to take my son who was living with me. She threatened to come over to my ex gf's house uninvited and demanded that I giver her the address. I didnt, i had learned how to deal with my ex wife, I didn't let her suck the life out of me anymore. I ignored the attempts at breaking me down, my new gf didn't trust that I was doing that.
A few days after that I made a huge mistake. A mistake fueled by my trauma from my ex wife. I checked my gf's phone to see if she was telling me the truth about her ex fuck buddy. I did it in front of her. I could tell from the look on her face that I had broken our relationship. I felt horrible. I didnt realize it at the time, but I had used the very thing that broke her during her former relationships against ours. I sabotaged it because I didn't trust myself. I didn't trust that I was smart, funny, had enough money ....that I was going to be able to make her happy.
I should also mention that my ex gf had and still does have a very unique relationship with her ex husband. She talked to him and still does every day. Talked to him about the same things I talked to her about. Things that I thought I was there for. The very basis of our intimacy was shared also with him. Her ex husband was and still is very manipulative and abusive. She seems to be fine with it and even smiles about it seems to even enjoy it as she spends large amounts of time with him and their 2 kids.
I tried my best to show my gf that I would do anything to protect her and her 2 kids. She didnt trust me. She dissapeared one day and went up to talk with her ex husband. She came back at night, sat in her car and talked to her family support system about whether I should move in or not. She finally came inside and told me that she didn't want me to move in. I was already dealing with my ex wife and her drama, it broke me. I didn't yell, I didnt get mad. I did say that it was probably always going to be like that with my ex wife as she will likely never see that she has these issues. I meant to say that I could handle it, that I wanted her to trust me to handle it, but maybe my shut down didn't convey this. Or, my gf just didn't want to deal with it and didn't think I could handle it.
My ex gf took this as a breakup. ??? She dissapeared upstairs and got high amd slept.
Also, I should mention, before she got there, I did try to get into her laptop with the intention of spying on her once again. Damn it...I couldn't stop myself. It was password protected and it left a message on the screen that someone had tried to get in. I lied to her and said I was just trying to use it to delete an account I had. She didn't talk to me at all that next day until later when she told me that she saw that I had tried to break into her laptop and told me that we were on different paths and I needed to get all my stuff that I had already moved out of her house.
I had a key that she had given me and I stayed there that weekend. I layed in bed and there I stayed thinking in silence for 2 days straight, I also had a cold. Here's where my stupid tendencies begin again. I went around the house and cleaned, swept, washed dishes installed a sink disposal. All of this I thought would help change her mind about me. I also tried to keep access to her outside camera that she had added me too. I failed at that, she had already deleted me off of the account. Stupid...why did I do this?...why? I was still not taking responsibility for my actions thats why. I didn't want it to be all my fault. I already felt like shit. I wanted to blame her for something. Maybe I would catch her with another guy I thought. No...she wouldn't have done that. She loved me.
I got a few things out of the house, I left some heavy items that wouldn't fit in my vehicle and sent texts to her telling her I would have to get them at a later time. She didn't respond until about a week later telling me she had put them all in the garage for me. She and her ex busband and changed all the locks on all the doors and set up new additional cameras to monitor me while I moved out. At the time I thought this was ridiculous and it really pissed me off. Nonetheless, I did what she asked and moved out, slid the opener under the door and drove away.
It takes a lot to really make me angry. I'm not violent, I don't punch holes in walls, I don't hurt people. I do at least have some self control. It's not even that, I don't need to do that. I've read many posts about narcs and them needing a supply or a victim to abuse, I dont need that. I don't bring others down to make myself feel better. I build people up all the time. Especially my gf.
It was later while I was in a haze of depression that I realized that she had every right to do what she did. Her ex bf's were violent and abusive, who's to say whether I was going to be too? I wasn't. I may be insecure and needy, but abusive I am not.
A few weeks went by and I sent her a text telling her that I had some things of hers, (it was just a sweater) and she replied with the same that I had some clothes etc. She invited me over and we had a great night together. We made love all night long and I held her in my arms once again. It felt right. We slow danced in the kitchen and told each other we loved one another. She also told me she needed some time and I told her I understood. I left and we chatted a little through fb and texts although she was a bit unresponsive. There were maybe 5 messages in total until I realized i should back off.
She got sick a few days after that and I talked to her like a bf should, (feel better, can I do anything, etc) and one day I thought I would take her soup. I had my daughter with with me and I thought it would be a good idea to show up with soup and surprise her. (I didn't call first) This didn't turn out well, she gave me an eat shit look when I showed up, gave me a half hug and I left. The next day she told me that I still didn't understand boundaries and to not contact her again.
Fast forward a month. She had blocked me on everything, phone, social media, etc. I left it alone while I sunk into depression, hating what I had done. I couldn't stop thinking about her. I loved her and she loved me and i fucked it up. I finally broke down and sent her novel size emails. The only method left that I could use to communicate with her. Stupid....
Another month went by and she finally responded to my 4th or 5th email. I had talked about how we should have talked about what had happened. I mentioned her ex husband and how he still manipulates her and asked her why she put up with it. Why does she put up with his abuse and manipulation but shuts me out completely?
She responded with a giant fuck off. A giant go fuck yourself. How dare I even kind of response.
This prompted me to apologize, tell her I loved her, tell her I just wanted to see her again. A few more weeks went by and I sent her a happy birthday email. Unbeknownst to me, she had recently had some past trauma resurface. This was part of the fuck off response that I received. I realize now that I take things too personally. That not every response that someone acts out has anything to do with me. This was something that she was going through. Being a fixer, I immediately went into that mode. I bought her a wheelchair (she has an illness that is affecting her health strongly, probably an important fact that also affects her decisions on who she keeps in her life). And I asked if I could bring it. She said yes! I was overjoyed! I was so happy that I was getting to see her again. Maybe this was my chance to show her how I had healed. That I didnt want to check her phone, I didn't care who else she was talking to. (I didn't, at least to the point of taking it slow this time and hoping she would see how I had changed). I had healed in fact, but not fully. I still didn't see my value but I sure wasn't about to spy on her or put pressure on her to get back together. I wanted to do it right this time. I wanted to show her I could love her without being needy and insecure. That I could be patient.
We spent 5 months together, talked every day, slept together fairly often. She told me however that she couldn't be in a relationship, that she was messed up and couldn't do that right now. She was seeing a therapist and it seemed to be helping her with the tools that she needed. I continued seeing mine as well. She also was in very poor health. I began being more of a caretaker for her, but I was ok with that, I was still getting to see her and sleep next to her at times, talk to her, and try to be a patient lover, hoping and praying that she would see me as the man that she wanted to share her life with. I pondered asking her to marry me one day, I had it all planned out.
Unfortunately, while things were really nice at first, she seemed to enjoy my company, talked to me about things that she was going through, by the 5th month she started to distance herself from me. We didn't seem ti be connecting anymore, we disagreed on alot of things politically, and her values seemed to not include me. This was when I went into panic mode. I didn't know why she was doing this. Was it a test? Did she want to see if I was going to be needy and insecure again? Probably... And I was....
Something happened somewhere and I still dont understand it. I guess maybe she just started disliking me at some point. She started to respond slower and slower to my texts, not ask me to stay with her as much or at all and instead ask her friends or her ex husband to stay with her instead. I wanted so much to ask her why but I was so scared of seeming needy that I let it go until recently, I reverted back to long messages and emails. Mainly because I have problems confronting and I also don't understand how I feel about this until later when I overthink over and over again in my head. I should mention also that while I've been healing that I discoverd that I'm on the spectrum. I took several tests and worked with the therapist and it all made sense. I'm so far right on the neurodiverse side of things that I understand why I dont understand neurotypical people. I have always felt misunderstood and not really part of a group. What lead me to this internal evaluation of myself was the fact that my ex gf was also neurodiverse. Perhaps thats why I understood all of her little OCD ADHD quirks so fucking well. I had them too. And before you say it.... no it's not mirroring. I suspected I was on the spectrum before I met her.
She seemed to enjoy her ex husband's company more than me. She would tell me he was coming over and wouldn't tell me to leave but I could sense she didn't want me there. She said over and over again that they were just friends. I just didn't understand why she let him manipulate her.
She kept reminding me over and over again that she didn't want a relationship but I ignored it and kept trying hoping it would change. It got to the point where she would ignore me for several hours, then days, out connection was gone... I finally decided that I needed to give up one day. I was over at a friend's house. A guy I met years ago while working construction. He had a boat and we were out on the water. He started to brag about how he was about to fuck this "girl" off of FB. As guys do, he showed me a pic of the girl. It was my ex gf.
He saw the look on my face and knew I knew her. Probably because all of the blood ran out of it. He asked me if I knew her and I told him that was my ex gf . Ohh you mean YOUR ?! I replied yes. He then apologized and showed me the messages they had exchanged. Long pouring messages from her that detailed her life and her personality that I hadn't seen in a long time. She also mentioned the same thing to him, that she was messed up and wasn't really wanting a relationship. That her ex (me) was patronizing and that's why it didn't work out. (I was at times). She WAS however interested in going to his house one day and starting out as friends as the messages detailed. So, this just showed me that she was open to the idea of being with someone one day, just not me.
I sent her one more message telling her that I tried to love her but I needed to let her go. I did have mixed emotions and it definitely came out that way. I was torn with maintaining this no strings attached relationship with her and letting her go for my own good. It took everything I had to write that text to her. It killed me. But I knew it was what I needed to do for both of our sakes. She was kind to me, and I think she couldn't do it by herself. I truly believe she didn't want to hurt me or it caused her anxiety to break ties with me.
She reponded with using psycho babble telling me that I was using word salad and was projecting and she couldn't deal with me anymore considering her health. I haven't heard from her in about 2 months. I did try to call her once...I also sent her a video message apologizing again for being patronizing.
I have resisted trying to contact her for a month so far since then and I have email drafts that I have left unsent. I have written letters that I have not mailed. I archived photos of us in my secure folder on my phone, and took her contact photo of off her phone contact in my phone so I don't see her face. It makes me feel like shit every time I think about her. Wishing she was beside me again. Wishing i hadn't hurt her and broke her trust, wishing that she understood my pain and was willing to trust and love me again.
There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about her. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about trying to call her. I'm not going to. But I fantasize daily about her calling me and whether I would answer, and if I should. I miss her so much.
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