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2020.10.19 04:20 aFellowHuman4444 Free sites video chat adult

Let's get into it!
Looking for anything from casual conversation to catching feelings. But I ask that you just come out and say what you’re shooting for if you already know. If you don’t that’s fine too! Online is great, in person is great (responsibly, of course)!!
If looking for hookup/fwb/cuddle buddy (BONUS POINTS) - I’m handsome(momapproved TM) (decent convos may lead to [non-dick, unless requested] pics and video chats, ladies get ready to put in work for once, maybe you'll finally get lucky with this guy /s), drug and disease free (DDF), well-dressed (especially in public), fine with weed/alc, 6’2” athletically built, of Indian descent (accent optional 😋), nails, face, and pubes kept trimmed, neat, and quite honestly, FABULOUS. Sounds too good to be true? Take the chance! Who knows? It might just work out.
Author's Note: Looking for a hookup but scared it might get too personal? Don't read any further, you might just fall in love...
For the people who’d like a conversation and more - feel free to pick anything or everything you see here and talk to me about it:
About me: Things I like:
- Not making unintentional grammatical errors (seriously I dare you to find even one)
- People
- Good books and movies. I've historically enjoyed high fantasy, action thrillers, horror, romance, period stories, and more, but quite open minded to new experiences. One interesting non-mainstream film I enjoyed recently was Mandy (2018) with Nicholas Cage.
- Adding to the above, anime and manga.
- Sports and the outdoors (including basketball, volleyball, tennis, skiing, surfing, hiking).
- History, both learning about it and discussing it with people.
- Learning in general, not just about academically inclined subjects
- FOOD (all cuisines)
- Marvel Cinematic Universe
- Gaming (open to anything, fan of RPGs, shooters, side-scrollers, and most importantly those hentai games in the sidebars of sketchy manga and anime sites)
- Goofing around, hope you don't like the serious, brooding type (unless I'm tired, in which case you should definitely hope that I'm tired)
- Pockets, and advocating for pocket equality between men's and women's clothing. (I know what I just put down before this but I'm seriously, actually, really not joking)
Things I dislike:
- Being unable to discuss matters like an adult (if this is you in a relationship, if you can’t disagree on things without raising your voice, STAY AWAY thanks [but I hope you can work on yourself to the point where this isn't an issue for you, good luck])
- Being unable to try new things (I respect boundaries but this ends up limiting me most of the time)
- Being an asshole (especially to yourself)
- Lack of functional pockets in women's clothing
In summary:
Be a normal, caring, and kind person and I’ll be down to talk to you!
If you've made it here, I believe you want a good conversation (and/or whatever interest that may spark) at the very least. Thank you for your time, and have a great fucking day! Remember to call your loved ones and tell them you love them (sorry, sorry, don't get angry at me I'm just the messenger).
submitted by aFellowHuman4444 to r4rSeattle [link] [comments]


2020.10.09 13:28 PracticalShine Free adult video chat sites

This is an update of my MD from last year, which you can find here. All figures are in CAD. (Approx. CAD/USD conversion is 1 CAD = 0.75 USD. So my income is ~$58,240 USD. I've tried to note the change since last time where I could!
Section One: Assets and Debt

  • Total NW: $81,100
    • Up from ~$58,000 last year.
  • Retirement Balance (and how you got there): $62,230
    • Up from $45,466 last year. I've been adding to my RRSP since my first "real" job in highschool - while my early contributions were miniscule, it got me in the habit of saving. My previous employer had a good match, which also helped.
  • Savings account balance: $11,290
    • TFSA up from $9,846 last year. Not a huge improvement - I focused more on my RRSP and Emergency Fund this year.
  • Emergency Fund Balance: $7,500
    • Was $1,103 last year.
  • Chequing Account Balance:
    • Almost everything gets autotransferred on payday to my retirement accounts, sinking funds, or a holding account where my bills are autopaid from. I only keep my "discretionary spending" money in this account.
  • Debt: None. I pay off my cc as soon as I make a purchase, and check my transactions/pay off any autopay on a weekly basis. I run all my purchases through my cc to get points toward free groceries.
  • Additional Questions:
    • Was there an expectation for you to attend higher education? Did you participate in any form of higher education? If yes, how did you pay for it?: There was expectation, but not from family - I was the first in my family to go to higher ed. They saved and planned to contribute if I did want to go, but what I did after highschool was up to me. I was top of my class in highschool so there was a lot of expectations from the other adults in my life (teachers, school counselors, etc) that I would really make something of myself. My parents paid my tuition for two years of my undergrad, my grandparents gave me a few thousand dollars as a gift toward my expenses and the remainder I paid for myself with my savings from working part time and through summers.
    • Growing up, what kind of conversations did you have about money? Did your parent/guardian(s) educate you about finances? We didn't have any serious conversations about money, but there was a lot of emphasis on saving long term, saving up for things we wanted, and occasionally if I wanted something expensive (like when I wanted my hair done for middle school graduation), a discussion about how mom or dad would have worked X hours to pay for it. I never felt hard done by, but there were definitely a lot of things other kids had or got to do that we didn't. Once I got my first job I didn't get any spending money from my parents anymore.
    • What was your first job and why did you get it?: In 8th grade I got a job at my school, cleaning tables during lunch recess (our school didn't have a cafeteria, so kids ate at their desks). The principal offered it to me and my best friend. It paid $50/month. It seems insane now because we were not old enough to work legally. In hindsight I think it was the school finding a way to subsidize the costs of the year-end school trip (a week-long overnight trip out of province) for two families who didn't quite qualify for the school's official aid but wouldn't have been able to afford it otherwise. All the money went to the trip, and I babysat to get some spending money.
    • Did you worry about money growing up?: Not really. There were some lean times but I never felt like I really wanted for anything. By the time I was in highschool things had gotten much more stable.
    • Do you worry about money now? Yep. Not about day-to-day spending, but I worry about longer-range money issues like whether I'll be able to own a home, save enough to retire, etc. A lot of my friends are a lot more comfortable and able to buy homes and generally be freer with money, mostly those in dual-income-no-kids situations - and I'm feeling that lag a bit.
    • At what age did you become financially responsible for yourself and do you have a financial safety net?: I haven't received any financial support from family since I was about 20, but if my parents come to visit me they'll usually bring some grocery items from their Costco runs and refuse to accept payment for it. I currently have about 4 months' emergency fund saved, and could last another 6 on my TFSA if I needed to. Working on bumping this up!
    • Do you or have you ever received passive or inherited income?: While I was in undergrad and paying my own tuition my grandparents gave me $2000 as a birthday gift to give me a little breathing room in my budget and so "you can do something other than work and study". They were hoping it would enable me to meet a husband and get my MRS (hahaha). It did not, but it did ease my stress about money.
Section Two: Income
  • Main Job Monthly Take Home: $3,816 after deductions. I got a 10% raise in July.
    • Deductions: Tax $882, EI $86, CPP $137, Retirement plan $210 (matched by employer)
  • PTO: 18 days + 5 additional during the holidays when our office is shut.
  • Bonus: I get a bonus each year from the day job as well. This year, $5500 pre-tax.
  • Side Gig Monthly Take Home: ~$900 averaged monthly
    • Varies year to year based on student enrolment and whether I get funding for additional content development time.
  • Salary Story (Averaged hourly earnings into approx annual earnings so it's more "apples to apples" comparison)
    • Pre-2010: ~$15-20k per year. Various jobs during highschool and university. Retail, farm and animal shelter work, tutoring, baby/pet/housesitting, factory job in the summers.
    • 2010: ~$35k Intern, Retail, Nanny, Temp. I graduated university and started some postgrad certificate courses full time through summer. Had a PT retail job, a FT unpaid internship after summer classes ended, and was a nanny for a relative's kids in exchange for a steep discount on room and board. After my internship ended I picked up a temp receptionist gig that paid well while it lasted - I was able to save up to move out to my own place after Christmas.
    • Q1 + Q2 of 2011: ~$22k Freelancer / Assistant. The company I interned for hired me back as a freelancer at $19/hr, and I got a remote job as a "business assistant" (aka whatever they needed) at min wage, but I could set my own hours and work up to 35hrs/week. I crammed in as much as I could because my freelance job wasn't guaranteed.
    • Remainder of 2011: ~$36k - Digital Assistant. My day job offered me a FT position and I was so grateful for the stability (my freelance hours had been uneven) that I accepted their first offer not realizing it was less than I was making as a freelancer. I remind myself that at least now I have benefits and some security, and I still have my other job. Two weeks later they tell me if I don't quit my remote "business assistant" job I'll be fired since that company is in the same industry, so I do. Pushover!
    • 2013: ~37k - Digital Assistant. Yep, two years, no promotion, small raise. Love working in the arts! /s. After I was forced out of my remote job in 2011 I started babysitting, petsitting, shoveling snow for my older neighbours - anything I could to bring in some extra cash, but I have no idea what I made from that work. Most of it ended up going out the door pretty quick on regular life expenses.
    • 2014: $40k - Digital Coordinator. Promotion at last. I struggled a lot with depression throughout the end of 2013 and all of 2014 after some traumatic events, and I'm so shocked and thrilled that something good actually happened. I don't negotiate because I'm a husk of a person. By this point I'm not functional enough to keep up all my side gigs.
    • 2016: ~$45k - Digital Coordinator / Instructor: After so much therapy I'm starting to realize my company is trash and my industry is a dead end for me, and I actually have the confidence to do something about it. I dump my shitty boyfriend. I get a part time gig as an instructor. My boss tells me in my performance review I have "no leadership potential" and I go home and immediately start looking for another job.
    • 2017: ~$63k - Product Manager / Instructor: After many failed interviews, I finally get a new job offer at $55k - less than a PM typically makes in Toronto, but more than I was making before, and I was so hungry for a new opportunity I just jump on it. My new manager is really invested in my PD, within the first few months they have me speak on their behalf at three conferences and commit to $2,500 of PD spending.
    • 2018: ~$76k - Product Manager / Instructor: I get a raise at my day job (modest - about $2500) but it's a crackerjack year for the course I teach - it's a high enrolment year so I have more sections. Less free time, but now that I'm more experienced it's a bit easier and it'd be hard to find another side gig that pays as well for the amount of time I put in.
    • 2020: ~78k - Product Manager / Instructor: Sensing a theme? I'm not much of a job hopper, which I know is impacting my salary growth, but I'm a "craves stability" person and I love my job, they are constantly giving me opportunities to learn and grow and investing in my PD. Plus a 10% raise.
Section Three: Expenses
  • Rent: $1,505 including utilities - just went up from $1,476 in September. I live solo in a one-bedroom in an old walk-up building.
  • Renters insurance: $29
  • Retirement contributions: $1,600
  • Sinking Funds contributions: $205
  • Emergency Fund contribution: $500, plus occasional random lump sums if I have discretionary funds left over.
  • Donations: approx $100/mo, sometimes more. I volunteer about 10-15 hrs/month with different organizations throughout the year, though it varies based on their activities. Been helping with a lot of digital admin/tech support/mailing list stuff this year.
  • Internet: $68
  • Cellphone: $48
  • Transit: About $14/month - I'm working from home, and my neighbourhood has everything I need within walking distance. I use transit a handful of times a month these days, so I just plonk some money on my card when I need to.
  • Therapy: $540 per quarter for BetterHelp, approx $168/month.
    • I get $800/year reimbursed under my work benefits.
  • Subscriptions: $27 - Netflix, Spotify, extra iCloud storage, and a Quip toothbrush.
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Diary:
Day 1 - Thursday ($42) 9am - Slept in! I have today and tomorrow off (using up some PTO) and am glad for the extra rest, but the construction work around my apartment building kicks off at 9:01 on the dot, waking me up. I browse the internet before showering and getting the day started.
11am - I have a massage appointment so I mask up and walk over. It’s a sunny fall morning, so an enjoyable walk. I’ve been in a lot of pain the last while after an unexpected hospital stay and medical procedures so I’m really looking forward to some relief now that I’m cleared to have this massage! ($30 tip for my RMT, insurance covers the actual bill.) I was nervous about COVID safety but this is a small clinic and they’re taking it really seriously (face shields and masks for all!), and it’s nice to have a massage - it’s the first “non-invasive, non-medical” human touch I’ll have since March, since I live by myself and have been strict about distancing. I have to say, it feels incredibly weird to be naked except a mask. Like being naked with a watch on.
12:45pm - I feel so much better! I walk a long route home to enjoy the sunshine and stop at a bakery and pick up some pumpkin, apple, and caramel scones ($12 for three, incl tip), since they have a little doorway table for service. Most cafes in the neighbourhood have restored indoor seating and I feel weird about going inside past unmasked diners. Once I get back home I have a scone, spend a couple of hours answering students’ questions for my teaching job, and wash some dishes in the kitchen. The afternoon sort of disappears into that, plus some random internet browsing/YouTube sewing tutorials.
6pm - Therapy call (prepaid - I use BetterHelp and pay quarterly - I’m due to pay in 2 weeks). I am so grateful to be back in therapy. Isolation has been hard on me, and my medical situation really left me raw. It’s scary to have a totally normal day and end it in an ambulance unexpectedly, and I’m still unpacking my feelings about it.
7pm - I sodastream some water, add lavender syrup, and hop on Zoom for game night with some friends. We play Jackbox games together and snort-laugh the whole way through. This is a new group I was just starting to befriend IRL in the weeks before the pandemic. These weekly game nights have been so great to keep the momentum.
9pm - I dress my last tortilla as a pizza, bake it, and then dump the remainder of a box of arugula on top after it’s out of the oven and eat it over the sink like a crispy pizza taco. After eating I text a bit with a guy I met on reddit (henceforth RG - Reddit Guy - same guy from my last MD.) He sends me a video of his dog doing tricks, and we count down and hit play on the same TV episode. We’ve been doing this little nightly ritual since the start of the pandemic, and it’s a nice way to keep this long-distance whatever-this-is going. Things have stepped up from merely flirty to decidedly romantic in the last year, but with the US/Canadian border closed for the foreseeable future who knows where this is going or if we’ll ever get to meet.
11:30pm - I have a quick warm bath before bedtime and after making a nest from all my pillows, fall asleep to a “sleep story” from the Calm app. Some smooth-voiced man talking about an island in Norway takes me away.
Day 2 - Friday ($69) 8am - I wake up before my alarm, laze around in bed reading newsletters and reddit. I open my work email, file away all the automated messages I get from our software, and close it again. I usually check it once a day on vacation just to clear that shit as a gift to my future self.
9:30am - I shower while listening to a podcast and check my messages while brushing my teeth. A neighbourhood pal asks if I want to have a coffee in the park with her before it gets too cold for these outside meetups. I reply and we arrange a plan to meet up.
10:15am - My friend texts and says she’s going to stop at Starbucks on her way to the park - do I want her to grab me anything? I mobile order a caramel apple spice ($5 - I’m off caffeine - doctor’s orders) and tell her it should be there waiting when she gets there. I bring the two remaining scones from yesterday’s bakery trip for us. We hang out at the park for a few hours on our distanced blankets, chatting until our fingertips are thoroughly chilled. Like a lot of my friends, the pandemic has had her and her partner seeking cheaper, more spacious dwellings out of the city. They’re moving in a few months. This is the fourth such announcement I’ve had this fall, so I’m better at being excited for them and asking questions all about their new digs rather than being openly bummed. But inside I’m a little gutted. It’s hard to watch my people move away!
12:30pm: I took the long route home from the park, then settle in with some mint tea and check on my students. I’m teaching online this semester and the course is “asynchronous” - meaning they move through interactive modules of written+video content at their own pace, so I post and reply frequently on the discussion boards, answer emails, and help them along. I have a chatty group this term - there’s a very active kdrama discussion thread in the “non-course related” board. I love when my online students still work at connecting with their classmates - I can’t imagine what it would be like trying to do fully online school and missing out on that in-person experience.
2pm - I whip up a quick chicken soup with some chicken and veggies from the freezer, some egg noodles and a bouillon cube and eat that before spending the afternoon cleaning up - vacuuming, laundry, and online browsing for some sewing supplies. I spend $64 on some additional fabric and bias tape I keep forgetting to buy to finish some projects. I can’t wait to go to fabric stores in person again someday. While waiting for my stuff to finish in the dryer, I do a short Yoga with Adriene video.
7:30pm - After dinner, a friend calls to complain about her boyfriend and we chat for awhile while I organize my craft supplies into bins I picked up at the dollar store last weekend. He’s been a grade-A dingus since the beginning of the pandemic, and just told her one of his roommates tested positive for COVID - on Monday. He stayed with her Tuesday and Wednesday and “forgot to mention it”. DUDE. C’mon! I tell her if she needs anything dropped off at her place - groceries, drugstore stuff, emergency ice cream or baked goods - just call.
10pm - I make some popcorn and queue up Kim’s Convenience with RG, we chitchat about the day and plans for the weekend. After a few episodes I crawl into bed while he tells me all about a COVID-safe date we could go on if we weren’t separated by a few hundred kilometres. It’s a nice daydream.
Day 3 - Saturday ($0) ~1am - My downstairs neighbours are suddenly blasting music so loud my bedframe is vibrating. At 1am. Shoot me. By 1:45 I’m over it and go downstairs to knock on their door. I bang on their door a few times, no answer. One of the other tenants down the hall comes out, we commiserate over the noise. He bangs on the door too, but the music blasts on. We shrug at eachother and go back to our apartments.
~2am - I’m losing my mind at the noise, which seems to be coming from directly under my bedroom. Assuming they maybe have the bedroom door closed and couldn’t hear the knocking, I go to the living room and grab my set of weights and start dropping them on the bedroom floor over and over again like a maniac hoping to catch their attention. It works though - after a few minutes the music is off. Sweet silence!
8:45am - I wake up, roll over, and doze a bit more before getting up to take my medication and instead of staying up, I crawl back in. I chat with RG a bit and send a check-in text to my friend with the crummy boyfriend.
10:45am - I finally get out of bed (I love laying around. If I’m going to be single with no responsibilities I am going to bask in every moment of it) and I eat leftover roasted cauliflower from last night’s dinner for breakfast. Afterwards I clean the bathroom, put away my laundry from yesterday, and log on to my online class to check in on my students and reply to their posts, and review the material that’s going up next week.
4pm - After the day spent with chores I finish putting together a meal plan for the week and grocery order for delivery tomorrow. I actually love grocery shopping in person, but with the uptick in cases recently I’m less interested in going. Afterwards I check my online class forums again (there’s an assignment due tonight so I want to watch for questions) and then go for a short walk around my neighbourhood. It’s nice to get out a bit and see the leaves changing.
6pm - I make a chickpea and lentil curry in my Instant Pot, adding an assortment of random veggies from my freezer, while RG shoots me a text about starting our “together time” a bit early tonight so we can watch Hamilton together. I agree, and after dinner work on some sewing.
9:30pm - Almost completely finished sewing a shirt - I’ll finish the hem another day and the neckline when the bias tape I ordered shows up. I put everything away and I eat some arrowroot crackers with nutella while watching Hamilton with RG. I’ve already seen it a few times but I love it. Midway through I exchange a few emails with a student who is rapidly approaching the midnight assignment deadline and just can’t get her code working. I can tell right away she’s made a teeny tiny typo that’s had a domino effect on her whole assignment. I point her in the right direction, she fixes it, and ends the night happy.
12am - Curling up in bed. I put on another Calm app story and fall asleep.
Day 4 - Sunday ($127) 7:30am - Trying to reacquaint myself with my alarm after a few days off. I roll over and doze a little until 8, then get up, take my meds, and hop in the shower.
9:45am - One of my American friends calls to chat. She was invited to a wedding and doesn’t want to go because the groom’s family are anti-mask QAnon types and she won’t feel safe there. We brainstorm about what kind of gift is appropriate as an in-absentia “Sorry you married into a family of nutjobs” gift.
10:30am - I wash the dishes from last night, then make a sandwich with hummus and sliced veggies and sit down to eat it while I download my students’ assignments for the week and reply to a few more discussion posts. I’ll get to grading later this afternoon.
1pm - Time vanished into a bunch of little tasks and a wormhole of researching possible holiday gifts for family members.I text with my brother’s girlfriend to get a sense of their whereabouts this week - I’m trying to get a birthday treat delivered to his apartment. She confirms a date and I place the order for some safe-to-eat-raw cookie dough in fun flavours ($37). I’m secretly jealous that this place isn’t local to me because it sounds delicious.
2pm - I sodastream some water, add lime juice, and heat up some leftover curry from last night and settle in to start grading assignments with some music.
4pm - My mom calls to talk about Thanksgiving (next weekend here in Canada). They really want me to come, but with cases rising in the province I don’t know how safe it is and I have a lot of guilt about bringing my city cooties to them in a rural area. They haven’t been that cautious - she talks at length about going to a party the night before. By the end of the call I’m frustrated and undecided. It’s pretty clear if I opt not to go I’ll be the “bad guy”, the daughter who abandoned everyone to move to the city and thinks she’s smarter than everyone else. But I have a lot of anxiety around it.
5:30pm - My grocery delivery arrives ($90, including a tip for the delivery person). I put everything away and eat a few pieces of dried pineapple and mango before getting back to marking.
7:30pm - I cook some salmon and roasted veggies and, while eating, text with a friend about my Thanksgiving dilemma. She’s in a similar boat with her parents, we weigh the pros and cons together but neither of us end up deciding anything.
10pm - I watch an episode of Kim’s Convenience with RG before he goes to bed (he has an early morning tomorrow) and afterwards do a Yoga with Adriene video, poke around on Reddit, and go to bed myself around 11.
Day 5 - Monday ($9) 7:15am - Alarm goes off. I wake up, but mostly scroll Reddit until 8. I desperately miss working from an office with other people and better chairs, but if WFH ever ends I will miss getting to stay in bed as long as humanly possible.
8am - Shower, moisturize and put on some lipstain - that’s the extent of my morning routine these days. I get dressed (I’ve been wearing the same threadbare jeans almost all quarantine. They’re so comfortable, but hideous). I make some tea and oatmeal and move over to my desk.
8:45am - I check my credit card statement online while eating. A return I’ve been waiting on is finally processed (+$41.28) - returns by mail are so slow - I put the parcel in over a month ago. I check my class boards too - no new posts to reply to.
9am - Log into work and post my “hello” message in our staff chat. We have a “Hellos and Goodbyes” room to keep track of people’s comings and goings throughout the day. Our CEO pings me and asks how my time off was. He’s been very attentive since my hospitalization and has been checking in about my workload, how I’m feeling. It’s nice to fee seen.
10am - One on one with my junior PM. We chat on Zoom re: what’s on the docket for our projects this month, and I take her temperature a bit re: work/life balance, how she’s managing our extended work from home and the pandemic. She has a lot of vacation days left and I encourage her to use them even if she’s not planning to go away - mental health and rest is important!
11am - One on one with my manager. She calls via phone since her teenage daughter is doing school on Zoom and their internet is overtaxed. She runs through what I missed last week and updates me on a new project I’ll be taking over from her later this month. I’m currently responsible for ⅗ of our major software projects and this will bring me up to ⅘. (Don’t think I won’t make a big deal about that when it comes time for our next reviews.)
11:45am - Answer a customer support email from someone struggling to use the site. After a bit of back and forth I discover it’s because they’re using a decade-old version of Internet Explorer. I hop on the phone, walk them through upgrading to Edge, and they’re a happy camper. We don’t have customer support at our org - the PMs and Junior PMs manage support for their projects. Some days I hate it, but most of the time it’s satisfying to tackle a small and solvable problem amidst the bigger-picture work.
1pm: Team meeting with my software team. We usually do these in the morning but one of the devs had to take his kid for a COVID test since he’s a bit sniffly - schools here are pretty strict. It’s a short meeting, just getting a sense of how everyone’s moving through the current open projects, and then a show-and-tell of pets, since the aforementioned sniffly kid joined at the end. I do not have any pets and am as delighted by them as the kid.
1:20pm: Lunchtime! I heat up some leftover curry and chat a bit with RG, who’s checking in about my stress level. Since my hospital stay he’s been worried about me pushing too hard and not giving myself time to heal. We talk about our mornings and he tells me he added some new songs he thinks I’ll like to a shared Spotify playlist, so I know what I’ll be listening to this afternoon.
2pm: I spend the afternoon working on spec writing for upcoming development projects while my developers investigate a bug a customer reported over lunch.
5:10pm - I set an alarm on my phone to go off when it’s time to log off for the day. I change into some pants with more structural integrity, mask and jacket up, and go for a walk.
5:45pm: While I’m at the pharmacy picking up my prescription, the pharmacist mentions they have flu shots in, so I get one while I’m there. ($8 for my prescriptions, $1 for the impulse coffee crisp bar, $0 for the peace of mind of being flu-free even if I barely leave my house). While I’m walking home, RG calls from his commute to ask what I’m going to do about Thanksgiving. He thinks I should go - it’s generally safe in my parents’ area (less than 30 active cases in the county), and he gently suggests that the fall is probably going to be pretty hard on me emotionally and it might be a good idea to take the opportunity to go away while it’s relatively safe. I keep thinking it over.
6pm - Cook some chicken and roasted veggies for dinner, and after eating, set up my sewing stuff to finish up that shirt hem and start cutting pattern pieces for another project, a robe, while listening to podcasts.
10pm - I set up my iPad on a stool next to my bathtub and watch Kim’s Convenience with RG on chat while soaking in the warm, bubbly water and drinking some chamomile tea, and eventually dry off and head to bed around 11:30.
Day 6 - Tuesday ($0) 8am - Did I snooze my alarm for an hour? You bet. I just couldn’t stay asleep last night. When I finally wake up, RG has left a little video message for me, which I watch, and then watch again, and then start getting ready for the day. I braided my hair before bed so I have those great post-braid waves today.
8:55am - At my desk, logged in and ready to go with some oatmeal. I drop a note in the staff Hellos and Goodbyes and peek at my class discussion board before picking up where I left off yesterday.
10am - Client call. This client is hoping to do something a little “off label” with our tools. We chat a bit about what they’re hoping to accomplish and what their goals are, and I answer a few data questions for them.
10:30am - Team meeting! We spend some time puzzling through my client’s “off label” ideas, do some digging on another client’s data issue, and then spend a little time watching a funny news blooper one of the devs screenshares and joking around. I don't mind a little fun in our meetings!
11am - Biweekly all-staff meeting. Our CEO gives a little roundup of how things are going big-picture, and then one by one each of my colleagues gives a brief update of what they’re working on. Many pets and children make appearances - as a group the general vibe with interruptions on zooms is “delight”, which I appreciate. Nobody’s trying to “keep up appearances”. It’s all a mess we’re in together.
12:20pm - Lunchtime. Check COVID case counts again for my parents’ area (still undecided) while chatting with a friend about her thanksgiving plans. She and her husband have been isolating at a family cabin since early summer, when their city apartment building started renovating. They’re planning a “so bad it’s good” movie marathon, so while I eat leftover curry we chat about our favourite bad-good movies.
1:25pm- Reacquainting myself with some material for my 2pm meeting. I’m on an HR Committee at work and we’re meeting to check in on our work/life and wellness strategies as we head into another WFH quarter. The transition to remote has gone (mostly) well for our company, but there’s always room to improve!
3pm - After the HR meeting I put together a custom report request for our database team to run for me, and then pull up our team’s roadmap for the fiscal year and make some tweaks. I share developers with other teams and I know a big project has dropped in for them elsewhere, so I adjust. We’re already close to hitting our metrics for the year so I’m happy to let the other teams keep my devs busy for awhile while I prep and spec some larger feature builds for them.
4pm - My friend with the dingus boyfriend texts. Luckily, both she and her boyfriend tested negative, but since he lives with someone who’s sick, they’ll both need to test again in a few days. She talks about wanting to break up with him. I encourage her to take her time thinking about it. I think they should break up - he’s a dope. But she’s the one in the relationship - not my call!
5:15pm - I log off for a bit. I’m feeling a bit drained today. I didn’t sleep well last night and I know my indecision about Thanksgiving is weighing on me. I do a yoga video and lay on the floor crying afterward. It happens, part of that good ol’ depression life. Sometimes you just need a lil cry. I’ve been really emotionally overwhelmed since my hospitalization, and some close friends have really broken my trust recently. I’m working on it with my therapist, but sometimes you’re just fresh outta emotional juice, and while I love my family, we’re not close - time with them would be nice, but it’s not restorative.
7:10pm - Alright alright. Time to rally. I log on to my online portal and reply to my students’ board posts and questions. They seem like they’re doing a good job grasping the material, which makes me happy. I never wanted to be a teacher but it makes me feel so satisfied when I can see their progress. It cheers me up a little.
8:45pm - Time got away from me doing that work. I throw some fish and veggies into the oven and call my parents. I tell them I'm still undecided about Thanksgiving, Mom complains that I'm taking things too seriously, I text her the graph of cases again. She tells me I can make a day-before decision if I want to, that they'll isolate the rest of the week, for real, but she just needs to know by Friday around noon if I want to be picked up. I appreciate the extra time to consider things. Then Mom asks me to place a grocery click-and-collect order for her (she's not good at internet). I say I will, and she proceeds to slowly text me a grocery list one item at a time for the next hour. LOL. Moms.
10:15pm - I drink some sparkling water while watching Kim’s Convenience with RG on chat. After one episode I’m wiped, so I go to wash up. By the time I’m getting into bed, RG has left me a video message - the first half is his dog adorably snoring. The second half is just him telling me everything’s going to be OK and apologizing that he can’t be here to do our own Thanksgiving. Cry again - happier tears this time.
Day 7 - Wednesday ($0) 8:20am - Cutting it close today, wakeup-wise. It took me forever to fall asleep last night so I snooze a lot today, but when I finally get up, RG’s left me another voice memo encouraging me to get up and kick this day’s ass. I’ll try! I have a quick shower, mist my hair to refresh the curl a little, and get dressed.
9am - Log on and say hi to the team, then help the marketing team with some content for our monthly newsletter. Once that’s done, I make a smoothie with frozen mango and dragonfruit, then head back to my desk to load some data into our internal dashboards for our CEO’s reports later this week. Once it’s loaded, he DMs me and we chat a bit about the comparison year over year, possible insights, nerd out about graphs a bit.
10:30am - Team meeting. Alongside the usual updates I’ve added extra time to discuss some upcoming features and the specs I have in progress. I don’t love speccing something without involving them - they feel a lot more ownership when they’ve had a chance to be involved in the process. They get really excited about the new build and ask if I can reassign them to this instead of the other project they’re pinch hitting on now. Nice try!
12:15pm - Lunchtime! Some colleagues and I hop into Netflix Party to watch an episode of Queer Eye together. When we were in the office we used to have occasional TV lunch parties so we’ve been trying to mimic that in our new WFH life. I eat the last of my leftover curry while our Netflix Party chat goes OFF in full home-porn-drool at the reveal of Bobby’s house makeover.
1pm - Back to work, more data audits for our research team.
2pm - Internal meeting with another colleague about a section of her project I’m pitch-hitting on - super productive. She runs a tight meeting and I really admire her. After the meeting I write specs for the rest of the day based on the meeting this morning. I put on some old episodes of Reply All and get stuck in.
5:15pm - Head out for a short walk around the neighbourhood to get some air and outside time, talk a bit with RG while he’s on his commute. Once I’m back home, I do some tidying up.
6pm - Therapy call, I talk a bit about my Thanksgiving dilemma but we move on to other topics too. Feeling a bit better than yesterday, but a little rough around the edges. These are the kinds of days where I tend to feel tempted to order in, and while I scroll UberEats, nothing really looks that good, so I close the app and decide to just cook what I’d planned.
7pm - Make dinner, chicken and roasted veggies again. What can I say, I’ll party down on garlicky roasted broccoli any day of the week. I wash dishes when I’m done eating.
8pm - Pop online to check out my students’ posts for the day and reply to some emails. I briefly scroll through stuff on the IKEA website. I’ve been hoping to get some inserts for my Kallax unit, but the ones I want aren’t in stock, still.
9pm - Shower and wash my hair. I get out a shower scrub from Lush and really go to town, I do the Aztec Secret clay mask too. Why not!
9:45pm - Post up on the couch with some sparkling water, ready for TV time with RG. We watch the last two episodes of Kim’s Convenience and chat a bit before bed about what to watch next - we have a lot of good options, but decide to just see what we’re in the mood for tomorrow.
Weekly Total: $247
  • Food + Drink: $108
  • Fun + Entertainment: $0
  • Home + Health: $38
  • Clothes + Beauty: $64 on sewing supplies (future clothes + entertainment while I make them?)
  • Transport: $0
  • Other: $37 (gift)
Reflections: I keep an MD 365 days a year so I can tell by comparison this is on the lower end of an average range for this year so far - I usually get delivery at least once a week (sometimes twice), but I wasn’t feeling it this week! My average spend has really been ticking down the last couple of months. While the pandemic sucks and the isolation is rough (shoutout to my fellow live-aloners), I’m enjoying not spending as much, and that my spending is really heavily weighted toward things that contribute to my sense of well-being.
submitted by PracticalShine to MoneyDiariesACTIVE [link] [comments]


2020.10.01 04:05 500scnds Free adult video chat sites

Source | Guestbook
Note: Some answers were repetitive, but were not edited out.
Questions Answers
Have you ever gotten into legal trouble by exploring the dark places of the internet? Like, "sorry, officer, I was only surfing drug markets and child molester forums for my next journalism piece..." Do you worry about that? Do you have to take extra steps to protect yourself? I'm very careful not to go anywhere that it is illegal to visit. You will hear loads of stories about how easy it is to "stumble upon" child porn, but the fact is that those sites usually have names like "Preteen cuties" so you know exactly what they are, and in order to access them you have to register. So you have to make a very deliberate choice to log into them. I have no interest whatsoever in viewing any child abuse material, so I don't go into those places. When I was researching The Darkest Web, I went to the discussion forums that didn't allow any images (though they did link to sites that did), and even there I turned off images.
As for the drugs, weapons etc, there is nothing illegal about surfing them and looking around.
I do get a bit nervous every time I visit the US, especially when I was invited to a "friendly" lunch with Homeland Security once (it was reasonably friendly as it turns out, it was also terrifying)
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Why did homeland security want to talk to you? They said it was about the murder-for-hire stuff, but some of the questions leaned toward something else
Is there anything that really concerns you about the dark web? Some of the things already discussed are beyond barbaric and that is only the stuff that has been found out about and been picked up by the media and your fantastic work. Do you think the public should expect worse and more horrific revelations from the dark web or is it just "more of the same" for lack of a better term and do you think the authorities are getting better in shutting this inhumanity down and catching the people responsible? I am definitely not against people taking back their online privacy and I actually think that buying drugs from the darknet markets is a safer and more sensible option than buying them from the dodgy dealer down the road. However the one thing that is really disturbing is that the dark web has provided a place for child predators to find each other and form communities where they support and egg each other on. Imagine a few years ago, someone who was into hurtcore could never tell anyone else and would be unlikely to ever come across another person with the same perversions. Now it is as simple as finding the relevant site on the dark web. When there are suddenly hundreds of people who all think and act in the same way, it normlalizes what they are doing.
One of the guys who got caught, Matthew Falder, was a sadist who used to crowdsource "ideas" for torturing the children and teens he was blackmailing into doing heinous things for him online. But apparently he was a "normal" intelligent popular guy
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But how does everyone participate in those illegal sites without getting caught? You said in other comments that you tried to stay away from underaged sites because they were illegal. Can't they be tracked down, even with tor and a vpn? The thing that I don't understand is that even on the dark web people say you should stay away from illegal sites, but how are pedos not getting caught? they are getting caught, but the way they are getting caught is through painstaking detective work, looking for clues in photos, befriending them online and getting them to reveal things about themselves (what is known as social engineering). It takes a long time and many resources.
I say don't go there because (a) it is illegal and (b) you really shouldn't want to go there
Iirc you attended the trial of the person behind the horrific hurt core website that was exposed a few years back. I was wondering if there was anything in particular that happened during the trial that particularly shocked or horrified you that isn't really public knowledge or talked about? Reactions from the judge or perpetrator during the trial etc. As I remember it the guy was a fairly young loner who lived with his parents but would probably never have been expected to be behind the horrific vile things which he was found to be. Also, how did you get into investigative journalism/writing? I wrote in one of the other replies above about the little mute girl that has stayed with me. Also, at the insistence of the prosecution, the judge had to watch "Daisy's Destruction" which was a video of torture of a toddler. He put it off for two days and when he came back he was white. He didn't have the sound on, which is considered the worst part, but he still looked shell-shocked. I don't envy him.
I'll cut'n'paste re your last question: I was in London, working for one of the most conservative law firms in the world when the Global Financial Crisis hit. I liked the job but it struck me when people were losing their livelihoods that I was working for the bad guys. I'd always wanted to be a writer so when I came back to Australia I quit law and enrolled in a writing course planning to be a novelist, but I discovered I was better at journalism. I first wrote for newspapers here about Silk Road and it grew from there
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Thanks for the reply.. that really must've been horrific for all involved from investigation to trial and for all of the victims (apart from the scum responsible of course). I guess it would be naive to assume that the end of this site did anything other than drive this depraved community even further underground. That is the part which is really scary to me but I suppose all we can do is have faith that the authorities are always close on the tail. Thank you for your work on reporting on this and raising this stuff more into the public consciousness and making people more aware of what kind of evil still lurks. It was the most disturbing two days of my life, made all the worse because they read out hours of interactions from the site where the children still had not been identified or the predators caught.
Hurt2theCore was not the last site of its kind and there are still hurtcore sites to this day on the dark web. The one hopeful thing is that there are international task forces that seem to work together really well (unlike when it comes to drugs and every law enforcement agency wants to take the lead and they all withhold info from each other). There are a lot of resources allocated to identifying predators and their victims. Sometimes this has involved some very controversial tactics, such as taking over the sites and letting them run, so that they can use social engineering techniques to identify those who are using the sites and who are actually abusing children
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So daisy's destruction is real? Was it referred to by that name court? I always thought it was a myth Yes, Daisy's Destruction is real, it was referred to by name in court and the judge had to watch the 12 minutes of it that were hosted on Hurt2theCore.
The "myth" part is that it shows a murder. The toddler, Daisy, lived, though she suffered such horrific injuries she will never be able to bear children. Hopefully she was young enough that she will grow up without the memory.
However, Scully did murder at least one child, whose body was found under the floorboards of his house. it is not known whether he filmed her murder as no video evidence of it has come to light.
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Thanks for answering. I actually watched a really good video on Hurt2theCore on youtube once, I think it was by a guy called Nexpo. It was really detailed and informative about the whole case - I forgot those details. Thanks again for replying, this AMA is really informative! I think I recall that one, it was from a few years ago.
An excellent podcast that came out recently is "Hunting Warhead", highly recommend a listen. It is a tough listen, but exceptionally well-told and respectfully handled
How do you detach yourself from your work? I'm an investigator for a law firm and I've had a lot of difficult working on wrongful death cases recently. Also, how did you first end up getting published? Any tips for people interested in that field? Thanks! I don't detach. When I was researching hurtcore, it was harrowing and affected me deeply. Writing that part of the book was a very slow process because I just couldn't be in that headspace for very long at a time. Once the book was written I didn't go back there.
I already had a reputation as a blogger and a freelance journalist when i pitched my book on Silk Road. I got an agent and it was auctioned off, with Pan MacMillan getting the rights. At the time, Silk Road was still going strong, and the book I wrote was about this new frontier of drug dealing that was changing the world. I was writing it "from the inside" as I had been an active part of the community for two years. However, right as I submitted the final manuscript to my publisher, Silk Road was busted and Ross Ulbricht arrested, so i had to quickly change the narrative to a "Rise and Fall" thing!
How many times have you approached law enforcement with information and how many times has the approach resulted in action? and... are there times where you know something nefarious is happening but history and the evidence at hand tells you it's not worth the effort? There is no point in approaching law enforcement to say "I have come across this site". If I've found it, you can guarantee law enforcement has found it as well.
The only time I've approached law enforcement was when I had information that they did not, which was when a friendly hacker provided me with a back door into the Besa Mafia murder-for-hire site. I got to see all the messages and orders etc. Of course LE knew about the site, but they did not have the details of the people who had hits taken out on them. We tried desperately to tell police in several countries that real people had paid real money to have other real people killed, but they just weren't interested. We sounded like crazy people talking about dark web hitmen, who were scams anyway and nobody was dead, so why should they be interested? They became much more engaged when one of the people WE HAD PREVIOUSLY TOLD THEM ABOUT later turned up dead
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By law enforcement, do you mean only local or else the big agencies? I feel like I wouldn't tell my local police department because they wouldn't really know what to do. It would have to the the bigger agencies. FBI in US. NCA in UK. AFP in Australia. Nobody was very interested, although the FBI did visit at least one of the targets to let her know she was a target. She still wound up dead
What are some of the most prevalent uses of the dark web that AREN'T all shady and nefarious? We might be getting into semantics here, but people use Tor, which is the most possible darknet that is used to access the dark web, just for private browsing and ensuring that commercial interests aren't following them everywhere to bombard them with ads for some thing they looked up.
Some of the news organizations have a dark web presence so that whistleblowers can upload information safely. Even the CIA has a site on the dark web so that people can anonymously tip off matters of national security.
Other than that, there are just forums, where you don't have to worry that every single stupid thing you post will be saved in posterity forever, to be trotted out years later when you run for congress or something
After everything you've seen, does anything surprise you anymore or are you just numb to it at this point? Do you think there should be more education/exposure about the dark web than there is now or would that just be counter-productive as people would just find another place to hide? I'm curious to hear any favourite stories about the Psychonauts. I am not numb and I hope I never become numb. I really don't visit the horrible dark places very often, unless I'm researching something specific, and even then I don't look at pictures or videos. Most of the crime is pretty benign - I'm not fazed by people wanting a safer way to buy drugs.
I think there needs to be ongoing discussions about online activity and its misuse in general, but most crime still happens on the clearnet. The dark web is not nearly as large or prevalent as people fear.
For a long time, a dealer provided free LSD to anyone who wanted it for personal use (ie not sale) and to any organizations who were doing psychedelic therapy.
One psychonaut got busted and spent time in prison... only he still had bitcoin in a wallet and by the time he was released he was a millionaire. He would have just spent it on drugs otherwise :)
I know law enforcement has to delve into the predator side of the dark web. With what you've seen do you think it should be mandatory or an industry standard that law enforcement officials seek professional help? I couldn't imagine investigating that daily and not thinking less of humanity at some point. I'm pretty sure they do. I worked for Legal Aid for a while, and i know there were pretty strict rules in place for the lawyers who had to defend child abusers.
When I was at the trial for Lux, owner of Hurt2theCore, I met a cop whose job it was to watch all the videos and befriend the predators in an attempt to get them to slip up and reveal something of themselves. She said she had a little filing cabinet in her brain where she put all that stuff, and that making an arrest made it all worthwhile. She had made several arrests personally. She was a sex offender's worst nightmare :)
What’s one of your personal favorite investigations and what made it unique for you? By far the Besa Mafia murder-for-hire case. What made it unique was that, first, I was provided a back door into the Besa Mafia site by a friendly hacker, so i had information that nobody else had. But then I became "friends" for want of a better word with the owner of the site, Yura. Besa Mafia, of course, was not killing anyone, but Yura made a LOT of money scamming would-be murderers out of their money. We entered into a weird relationship over the years where i would report on his activities and he would try every trick under the sun to stop me from doing so, so that he could keep scamming people. He even offered me a job, helping him, because he had become so busy. He also provided me with names and details of people who had hits taken out on them so I could pass them on to law enforcement.
It all became horribly real when one of the people who had a hit put out of them wound up dead. It wasn't Yura of course, but the guy had paid him $13K before giving up on the site and doing it himself. The thing was WE HAD TOLD THE FBI about the hit and the $13K and they visited the victim, but then put it into the too-hard basket when she couldn't think who might have paid that much to kill her.
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Wow. That’s actually pretty cool. Reminds me of an old saying. “Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.” It's a seriously bizarre relationship. When I was hired as a consultant by CBS for a 48 Hours expose on dark web hitmen, he actually agreed to meet me in London. But he thought that CBS was going to advertise his site as the real deal and he got excited and sent them details of two people who had hits put out on them. CBS sent them straight to the police and very shortly after two arrests were made and it was all over the news, where they called his site a scam. Yura got so pissed about it, he never turned up to our meeting. They had even hired an Academy Award-nominated master of disguise makeup artist to disguise him!
are "red rooms" actually a prevalent thing, or just a widespread misconception or rumor? I ask in part because it's very easy to see, for instance, Mexican cartels dismembering people alive, etc, just on the clearnet. Hell, a couple days ago I saw a video posted of a cartel member cutting out a dude's heart while the guy was alive, and he ATE it. He fucking ATE it. So it seems plausible... The most popular myth of all is Red Rooms, where people – usually women – are tortured to death live on camera while those who have paid to watch type in torture commands in a chat box. Think the movie Hostel, with webcams. In this sense these have never been proven to exist. I get where you are coming from with the cartels, and the recent news item where they found those shipping containers set up with torture rooms freaked me out and made me wonder!
There is some truth to this rumour, but the execution is not like you see in the movies. Most notably, because it involves children, not adults abused on demand for paying pedophiles, but not to the point of death
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The news about those shipping containers really made me speculate, since for every one person who gets caught doing something evil, there must be at least several more people who are very honed in their 'profession' doing the same evil deeds and worse, yet who evade being captured for decades. Anyway, based on morbid things I've seen, karma comes around eventually... I know, right? It really freaked me out, and then when I read that they already had intended victims for them but the police got to them first and put them in protected custody.. IMAGINE SEEING THOSE PICTURES AND KNOWING YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE IN THEM!! I would retire to a deserted island somewhere
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Your line of work could easily result in something like C-PTSD down the road a little ways. I have a morbid curiosity, and have seen worse than those shipping containers had to offer. I'm sure you have as well. So one more question from you, if you don't mind: what are some proactive approaches to mental health you take to safeguard your sanity? A lot of wine. Cuddle my dog
Hi, there! This has been fascinating to read; thank you so much for sharing! I'm curious: why do you think so many people who don't want to engage with disgusting and illegal content like hurtcore find it so interesting to read about? Do you have any insight into your readership and the ethics associated with reading about these kind of topics? I think morbid fascination with the dark is exceedingly common - just look at how many people can't get enough about serial killers! In some ways it is probably a self-defense mechanism - the vast majority of true-crime readers are women. People like to be armed with knowledge. We also like to be spooked and scared.
As for my books, I don't really go into much gory detail, but the horror still shines through
Out of all 9-5 jobs out there, why this? What’s your motive? I got disenchanted by being a lawyer and I had wanted to be an author since childhood. The lawyering put me in a strong enough financial position that I could quit to do a uni course for a couple of years. My plan was to become a best-selling novelist, but my first chick-lit novel was nothing special. However, during the course, I found I did really well at journalism and was soon making a living as a freelance journo before I finished the course. My first major feature was on the Silk Road drugs market, which I had discovered thanks to a friend who was using it. Once I got in there I became fascinated by everything about it and started contacting the owner, users, vendors etc asking for stories (I was upfront about who I was). I began the first serious dark web blog - allthingsvice.com - and also became the go-to freelancer for Australian dark web stories. Then I pitched my first book and got a healthy advance for it.
I like working for myself, working from home and delving into things. Right now I have my dream job (though it wouldn't hurt to pay a bit more. I'm certainly not making anywhere near what I used to make lawyering, but I make enough to get by and I live pretty simply)
Did you ever do any writing on Brian Farrell and his role in Silk Road 2.0? I was Brian's cellmate for all of 2017 at Sheridan Federal Prison and heard all of his crazy stories. Was just curious as to the validity of them all. DoctorClu! I did write briefly about him in Silk Road, but it wasn't all positive. I remember being frustrated by the shitshow that was Silk Road 2.0 in the beginning, right after SR1 shut and when DPR2 took off and Defcon got all dramatic. It settled down after a bit and lasted a year, when it was revealed THEY HAD A FUCKING UNDERCOVER HOMELAND SECURITY OFFICER ON STAFF THE WHOLE TIME. But yeah, anyhow, they are probably true. I'd love to hear them :)
Was there ever something on the dark web that made you surprised ( in a good way) and smile ? So many things. Back in the day of the original Silk Road, I became obsessed with the forums, the people behind it, the intelligent discourse about the War on Drugs and philosophy. I found it amusing that drug dealers ran sales and giveaways. There were book clubs and movie clubs.
One of the most important people from that era was Dr Fernando Cauevilla, who became a member of Silk Road as "DoctorX". He was a real doctor who provided genuine, free, non-judgmental advice about drug use to the members of the site. It was quite an amazing time.
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Did Ulbricht get taken down the way we were told in the news? What happened to all the Bitcoins? His arrest went down the way we were told in the news. How they located the server has never been disclosed (other than a fanciful explanation that NOBODY could believe). This explanation may be tested if Variety Jones runs a Fourth Amendment argument at his trial
The bitcoin in the wallet on Ross' computer was auctioned off by the Feds. He may have other bitcoin wallets stashed somewhere but nobody knows
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Book/movie clubs on the silk road? Yeah, they would set reading and then everyone would come back and discuss the book, or they would have a time when everyone watched the same movie at the same time and chatted about it in real time
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Haha that's amazing! I don't suppose you remember any of the books in question? They used to be a lot of philosophy books, especially on agorism. A Lodging of Wayfaring Men was one of the books. I remember V for Vendetta on a movie night
You don't seem to be pushing your most recent project and you're actually answering all the questions people ask, so I've got ask...are you some sort of government plant meant to destabilize reddit? This isn't how AMAs are supposed to work. You come in, you half ass a few questions, hawk whatever you're here to hawk, and then leave after 20 minutes. That's how it's done. lol I'm a genuine redditor from way back, and I love talking about the stuff I do. I did find that after I answered a question in an AskReddit thread a while back that blew up, the sales followed. But that was organic and I don't think you can force it to happen - Reddit can spot that a mile awy
What are some of the best things about the dark web? And can anyone get on it? Things you can buy that you can’t buy normally online? I really enjoy some of the forums, especially the psychonaut forums where people who like to trip on psychedelics get together and talk drugs and philosophy. There's a real "be kind to one another" vibe.
Getting on the dark web is easy, but not getting scammed when buying things takes a lot of homework. Yes, you can buy most things, but the most popular things are drugs and digital goods, i.e. things that depend on repeat custom and are easily transferable from seller to buyer
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[deleted] You're doing the Good Work my man. I'd give you one of those awards if i knew how
What would you define the word "Safe" when it come to the internet (both www and dark web) world and are there any tips that I should follow to keep myself safe? It really depends on what YOU mean by safe. Tor, which is the darknet that provides access to the dark web will keep you safe from prying eyes and surveillance.
If you mean keep your information safe, the old-fashioned advice is to never reuse your password and to enable 2-Factor authentication wherever you can. Your information is quite likely somewhere on the dark web thanks to high-profile hacks of major organizations, but provided you don't re-use usernames and passwords, you really don't have to worry too much about it.
If you mean keeping yourself and/or any kid safe from predators, the only thing is to ensure you are educated about the approaches and methods they use.
Has Covid affected the Dark Web in any real way? Also I just read through all of the post comments, what incredible story’s. I would totally buy a book about the Silk Road or Yaru! re covid on the dark web, here's some notes I made for an interview I did recently:
* when Trump first hyped hydroxychloroquine as a potential miracle cure for COVID-19, drug dealers on the dark web seized on the claim.
* Listings quickly popped up on the most popular darknet markets
* A vendor on Whitehouse Market sells 100 Pills for $90, calling it a “Miracle Drug For Coronavirus” and suggesting buyers purchase in bulk to sell at a mark-up locally.
* Another makes the dubious claim “This drug will help people to beat Corona Virus” There are 11 listings on Empire Market currently, although more than half are from the one seller, who is a well-known and trusted vendor on the site.
* There were also people claiming to be selling infected blood or plasma of recovered COVID victims
* The infected blood stuff is just bullshit IMO Just because something is listed doesn’t mean it is genuinely for sale
* There's been some claims to be selling vaccines
* At the beginning there were also loads of listings for PPE
* some just used it as a marketing tactic - “fight off the virus with edible cannabis” or “relax with Xanax” and others as an excuse to raise their prices
* However, sales are low compared to sales of other drugs on the site, so it is difficult to say whether it’s something that will really catch on
* It didn’t take long for complaints to come in and market owners to clamp down on anything claiming to be a miracle cure or vaccine
* users were discouraging other users from profiting off the pandemic and requested markets provide health and safety information
* All the major markets forbid anything being sold as a cure for COVID. They flagged keywords and vendors would be told to take any listings down. They also put out PSAs telling people not to buy
* Monopoly: threatened to ban and.. “You are about to ingest drugs from a stranger on the internet - under no circumstances should you trust any vendor that is using COVID-19 as a marketing tool to peddle already questionable goods”
* It was a business decision. They don’t want anything that will attract attention or that might cause desperate people who wouldn’t normally use the DNMs to find their way there
* The idea behind DNMs generally is educated and responsible drug use. They really don’t want people dying - bad publicity and no repeat custom
* However the dark web is rife with scammers and people willing to prey on the desperate so there are still scams out there
* The only way I could ever see it becoming a thing is if there is a well-known potential cure/vaccine that is not being made widely available and could plausibly find its way onto the black market
Hi Eileen :) My question is about how you construct your Casefile episodes - I assume there is an extensive amount of outlining but do you write the final draft like a script specifically thinking about his voice? And about how long are they as far as - for example - does one hour equal 50-60 pages? Thank you. I initially write them as if I'm writing an article or book, but then go back and edit them to be read out and yes, when I do that, I do have his voice in my head lol. One episode is usually around 12,000 words. It then goes to another editor who edits the episode to be even more "casefileaa' before it finally goes to Casey
Have you been exposed to things in your investigations that have made you second-guess what you do? If so, what has made you keep going back? i've definitely had days where I question everything, but to be honest, I don't really hang around the horrible really dark places much. I did delve into the child predator forums when I was writing The Darkest Web, but I don't make it a habit to go there. The psychonauts are much more friendly
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To continue with that- have you clicked images, links that make you a suspect in certain scenarios? Oh absolutely. Sometimes I go to a "Fresh Onion" site, which is a site that crawls all the .onion addresses (dark web URLs end in .onion rather than .com, org etc) and alerts you to any new ones. Sometimes they don't have any description, so you take a big risk clicking on any of those. The most dangerous button on the dark web is the "Random Onion" button, so I avoid that.
I'm pretty careful about what I click, but the moment something looks questionable I nope the fuck right out of there
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Have you ever felt that you may be a suspect whether it be ok a drug site, a pedo site, etc. Have you ever been contacted by someone regarding your surfing habits? Well my actual surfing habits are protected by Tor, which means they are hidden from prying eyes, so no I haven't been contacted about them. I am very open on the dark web about who I am and what I'm doing there - I use the name OzFreelancer on all of the markets and forums. I don't go to the sites that host child abuse images - you can't un-see that shit and I don't need it in my head.
As noted in another reply, I was contacted by Homeland Security on one of my visits to the US and taken for a "friendly" lunch.
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Psychonauts are more friendly than most people. Something about regular mind altering experiences makes you want to be less of a cunt. Yeah, I call The Majestic Garden a little corner of sunshine and rainbows on the dark web :)
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More about The Majestic Garden please? What is grown there? It's a place where people talk about and source psychedelics - most notably LSD, the 2C family, DMT and MDMA. Talk about and sourcing harder drugs is forbidden. In fact the admins snuck in an autocorrect so that any time someone wrote the word "cocaine" it would post as "a raging hardon" :D
Do you fear that seeing all this stuff might turn you emotionally blunt? I'm not watching any of this stuff on purpose (even the clearnet stuff), because I fear that the more you see of it, the more normal it gets, and ultimately, the more it will fuck you up. To quote the movie 8mm... "If you dance with the devil, the devil don't change. The devil changes you." No, I can't even watch "3 Guys 1 Hammer" in its entirety, let alone look at the really dark materials on the dark web. When I was researching The Darkest Web, going into the predator forums did the opposite of making me blunt. It was the shortest section of the book but took the longest to write because it was so emotionally draining
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I have to ask, what is "3 Guys 1 Hammer"? It's a video of two teenagers murdering an innocent man with a hammer that went viral on the gore sites of the regular internet. It's truly horrible.
The teens killed over 20 people. I wrote about them in my book Psycho.com (excuse the plug)
I heard somewhere that you foster dogs. Is that something you do to counter all the terrible humans you encounter in your research - everyone knows how dogs are better than people. How many dogs have you fostered and which one was your favourite? After my dog died I knew I didn't want to have another dog as I wanted to travel more. So I thought fostering dogs would be the answer as you give them love for a few weeks and then they go to their forever home. My first foster, Roy, was a big fat failure and now he lives here and sleeps in our bed and is the most spoiled dog alive
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Did you then just decide to quit travelling? I don't know anything about Roy, but I already think I love him. Nah, he has family he can stay with when I go away, but any major travelling has been thwarted by COVID for now anyway. I'm in a hard lockdown city.
And I'm sure Roy would love you too, u/suckmyhugedong
Given how much you know about the dark web, what kind of crazy awful nightmares have you had? This could be a really good one. Thank you Probably the worst thing was delving into the forums where child predators gathered. I never looked at any videos or photos, but just seeing their discussions sickened me. The one thing that keeps coming back to me came out of the sentencing hearing that I attended of Lux, owner of Hurt2theCore, considered the most heinous website in history. In court they read out a conversation between him and an abuser who made videos of torture of the mute disabled child in his care. They were joking "at least she won't be able to tell anyone" . the abuser wasn't caught, at least by that stage
As an indie author, how have you sourced freelancers? Did you seek out those that have specific expertise or did you work with editors from your time as a traditionally published author? I learned to do everything myself before I started outsourcing.
I work with a professional editor who happens to be a friend of mine from back when we did a writing course together. I've been doing my own covers, but now that I have some royalties coming in, I've engaged a professional cover artist from Reedsy to develop a brand and more professional-looking covers for me. It is the hardest thing to find people you really want to work with and who are in budget.
I still haven't got the hang of email lists, newsletters or a website - they are all in a total mess at the moment and I'd love to find someone who can do them, but again it is that problem of finding the right person who is within budget
is it true that most of the internet is in the "dark web"? if so about how much percent is it? By far the biggest myth is that it 10x larger than the Internet. I mean, this should be common sense anyway, but it gets propagated by tabloid media all the time. It stems a lot from people using the terms "deep web" and "dark web" interchangably when they are different things.
The statement that 90% (or thereabouts) of the internet is hidden is true, and it is called the deep web (not the dark web). The 90% that is hidden is all those pages you won’t get to using google or any other search engines. There’s nothing scary about that – in fact it works in your favour.
The easiest example is your bank. The bank’s major page is available to anyone who searches the web (part of the 10%, also known as the “clearweb”). But once you log in, all those pages you can access that contain your personal details? Not searchable on google. Each one of those pages is part of the 90% of the deep web. Business and government intranets also make up part of the deep web. Honestly, it’s nothing to worry about.
The dark web – the hidden services available through Tor and other anonymising programs – makes up a tiny fraction of the deep web. A really, really tiny fraction. It is infinitely smaller than the clearweb.
Do you think human trafficking happens on the dark web? Last year (I think) there was a really bizarre story here in the UK about a model who was supposedly kidnapped to order, drugged and transported overseas by a group called "Black Death". The official story is that BD doesn't exist, and the kidnapper was a fantasist. Is it likely that humans are bought and sold into slavery over the dark web? There are no slick websites with auctions for slaves on the dark web, but I have no doubt that human traffickers use dark web encryption to communicate.
(here comes the second plug for the thread) - I wrote about the kidnap of Chloe Ayling and the Black Death Group in Murder on the Dark Web
What ever happened to the plural of mongoose storyline? it seems like after he was arrested in the united states, his case just fizzled away. did you ever find out any more information about yuri after he cancelled the interview with a news program? what happened with peter scully's case? i read that there was a fire where a lot of evidence against him was held and it all went up in smoke. are there any character and/or personality storylines that you feel haven't been told or are still a complete mystery? eg. tony76 1. He is still in the MCC in NY and awaiting trial. It has taken a long time because he had terrabytes of information to go through and things would have slowed down due to covid. I understand he is running the Fouth Amendment argument that Ulbricht probably should have run in the first place
2. I last heard from Yura just a few weeks ago. He is still scamming. There are some more programs in the works about him
3. Yes there was a very convenient fire, but he still got sentenced to life and i hope he rots in hell
4. I am madly curious to know what is happening with the extradition of James Ellingson, aka “MarijuanaIsMyMuse”, aka "redandwhite", MAYBE aka Tony76. I would LOVE to know that full story!
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Wow, this shit is a blast from the past. I used to love following the darknetmarket drama. Did you write about PoM and tony76 in one of your books? Ever since reddit shut down /darknetmarket I've been out of the loop. Yes, I wrote about them in The Darkest Web
I was in touch with PoM/Mongoose when he went on a posting rampage on MyPlanetGanja, then visited him in Bangkok prison several times. Wrote all about it :)
This may have been answered by a previous post pertaining to native language barriers to specific sites on the dark web, but in your investigations, did you come across content/pages/forums from warzones? Middle East, Burma, Afghanistan, etc? If yes, what was the most memorable bit? There are loads of sites in foreign languages, but it is too difficult for me (a one-language numpty) to attempt to translate through AI, and it is not worth hiring a translator when they could just turn out to be Cat Facts
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2020.09.21 04:21 slightbug65 Free adult video chat sites

Hello guys, first post, if there's something wrong I do, please let me know.
!!WARNING: THIS INCLUDES DEATH, LOSS OF LOVED ONES, SEX , SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND HARDSHIP!!
(Also English is not my native language, so sorry if I sound like an idiot. Thanks in advance.)
Chapter I. Panic Attacks and Heartbreak. So, my struggle started a few years ago, when I started having panic attacks. My girlfriend(ex now)(I will call her C so there's no confusion.) back then was very supportive of me every time I had them but I felt that it started getting a bit of a burden for her and tried to hide them as much as possible, but more often than not, they started showing up in front of her, because I had zero control over them when it was happening.
A little bit of backstory on my relationship back then (2013 - 2017 rip in pieces.) - she was this very nice girl, beautiful. Artsy, just like me, we got through pretty nice. But she had her demons too. She had lots of them. In time I understood about them and tried to be as supportive as I could. Which meant sometimes letting myself back in priorities in order to help her. As expected this didn't end well. It happened to become a habit in a way, to let her be in first place of my priorities. She had those extreme jealousy episodes (as I call them). So extreme in fact, she was aggressive, even abusive towards me. Her most ridiculous acts included and were not limited to - She trying to stop me from having any communication with any of my female cousins. Controlling my environment. Finding a way to get through my phone and block every female person in it (except my teachers). And so on and so on. So I tried to talk it out with her, that this behavior is not very accepted and in a way that she's distancing me from her without trying to pull any heartstrings or threaten her. Trust me, this was hard to do. She was an artist (still is) and I was a musician. When it was about art, we got through very well. But when I was rekindling my spirituality, she was making fun of me with all the meditations and things I was getting educated on. Apart that, I can explain our relationship with one word. Passionate. Everything was passionate, from the intercourse, to the jealousy. I can't say that her jealousy didn't gave birth to mine towards her. I still had a heartbreak and some trust issues from my first relationship, which ended in her cheating (enough said for my first relationship, she was a bad person( She will be called person X, so there's no further confusion)). I wasn't the best person in the world, but I did what I could for her.
After the panic attacks appearances in my life, it started getting tough. Sometimes I would've get them 6 times a day, I had this feeling that I was going to die, I was smoking lots of cigarettes back then (and listening to Arctic Monkeys and Motorhead, duh.) I started thinking they were mini heart attacks that were happening to me, until they started happening in front of her, for which she was weirdly prepared to help me with, started talking about me breathing, she got me a blanket and such. But then again, all that 'weakness' attacked my 'male-ego' because of course 16-17ish year old boy, who thought he was the most strong and bad ass person having those things wasn't really 'tough and bad ass' things to go through. But I was wrong, they're something normal and they can and could happen to anyone. It's just that I really wasn't educated enough in this particular topic. I went through with it, started hiding it (as I previously said), it got worse and I felt how she couldn't be handling it anymore. We graduated school (yeah, yeah. High school sweethearts, such a cliché thing.), started studying the same thing (Big mistake number 1), because she was threatening me with break ups and more (not going into detail) against me going to Germany to study music there ( Big mistake number 2). She didn't had a really nice family, they were taking like 80% of her salary right off her purse while she was sleeping, without questions, without anything. And when she confronted them, always this damn argument - 'You're a grown ass woman, and you are living in our house, what do you expect?' Even I confronted them once, but to no avail. She was getting really tired of her family and decided to make future plans. For some I was there, for some I wasn't. This wasn't helping my panic attacks and general anxiety, but I could not just tell her - You're my slave, you're going to do what I say. I just winged it and tried to get in her plans. She had few, chose the one - that she was going to Cyprus. Invited me. I couldn't right a way. She obviously quit university, wanted the same from me. But I had this feeling, a gut one. That it's not right, something was happening. Here I was, with clock ticking of making an important decision (first of many), days were going by, hours after hours. Until one day. I met my best-friend (for whom I broke up with C twice.) kissing and holding my first girlfriend, person X. She was by then a long-'forgotten ex'. I just stayed there, inside a bus-stations parking, looking at them in a very salty disappointment. I was just about to leave, when he realized I was few hundred meters away from them and realizing how that broke me a bit with all of the things he used to say with 'the bro-code' (we all know at least few points that he broke in that day and in those previous days.). He ran to me, didn't really had words to say, so he reached down his bag and gave me a canteen with some vodka inside and said - 'You might need to drink some' and right after that he said - 'But I can explain...' which he tried but I didn't really hear him after all this emotional distress of disappointment. I just drank a bit, turn my back and started walking away. We had some drama-filled phone calls with him, then we stopped communicating for a while. Still, the clock was ticking and the very thought of C leaving to another country. To the thought I wouldn't be able to just make her feel safe and home. Hug her or even see her. Smell her hair and kiss her paint stained hands. My options were running thin, time even thinner. After I told her what happened with my best-friend she tried to help me get through this as much as she could, the emotional burden was heavy and I just went to her house, hugged her, told her about this, she made me coffee but I still felt exhausted. I had family problems too, so she had enough emotional intelligence to know to not bother me with her going away. So she just told me to go to sleep. I went to sleep which resulted in me having gruesome nightmares. I just couldn't take it. So she woke me up and told me to come to the room - She had ordered a pizza, our favorite pizza in particular and put on some movie on her laptop. Which made me almost cry, so I just cuddled the night away, eating pizza with her. I knew that she couldn't afford the pizza, and I saw her not buying cigarettes for two days at least after that which made me love her even more, so I started sneaking cigarette packs in her bag and getting her out more often. Away from her house, so I could repay her a bit.
Then the depression started graying out the palette of my eyes, I was feeling like my life was losing colour, I was feeling that something much worse was going to happen than her leaving to Cyprus or even lose her. She left to Cyprus. I couldn't stop her, so I inevitably started blaming myself. She invited me to go with her, but I declined because I started feeling pain towards my family. She was blaming me that those are only excuses and I just can't adapt to change, and how this thing could really change our lives. Few weeks later my dad got sick and in the same day they suspected that our family dog (which we all love so much. A good boi) had cancer. Told her, but she was already cold, it felt like few months ago we had the feeling of a hot summer day, even when we were fighting or arguing, but then, the way she was speaking felt a lot more like the cold-winds of the sea, crashing into some Arctic mountain. I felt what was going on. She was preparing me for a break up, and she knew that I started suspecting so she straight away just told me to stop with the excuses, told that there's nothing wrong with my father and there's nothing wrong with the dog. She started swearing in a very distanced way. Distanced in a obvious way. We were talking for hours when she first got there, I was trying to be excited for her and not kill her vibe, but with days passing, video calls for hours turned to phone calls for half an hour and with time they even became just chats. I felt what was going on. So after the phone call about my father and family dog, we didn't hear each other for two or three days until one morning she woke me up with a text - 'There's something we need to talk about.' I felt chills to my bones, even though I was 'prepared'. I loved her so much, it hurt me.
We had a short phone call in which we broke up. One month and few days after her leaving. It was around may'ish in 2017. Three and a half years of pure passion even in fights. It's light if I say it hurt me. This event broke another part of me which I still try to heal. A week later we spoke on the phone again, my father and the pooch were getting a bit better, but they were sick. I've never seen my father be absent of his job (for which I will talk about later) for so long. It was ringing whole lots and lots of red alarms in my head. She started swearing and cussing every time I got the topic up, it was painful to hear such words from someone who hurt me that bad. I told her if she wants to try again, I still felt great amount of love towards her, but she wasn't very keen on trying again. So after a few tears and a defeated face I got back up on my feet, tried to stay as much home as possible for helping even though my sisters and mother and my sister's husband being there, I felt the need to help them.
I began trying to experience life being alone. But you know, after a relationship that long you still need time to manage yourself purely emotionally. We saw each other in the end of the same summer, she was coming back to renew her ID and documents. I've already had some other flings and situations, so when she asked me to see each other, I was surprised but still accepted. We got wine, food and cigarettes from the mall, sat in a park, across the street of the mall and started sharing, we were talking and laughing, at least pretending that this whole thing didn't hurt both of us. Until things didn't get emotional. I was keeping a stone hard face, while she broke. The tough girl broke, put a song on her phone and just said - ' I know that you don't know greek, but just try to feel the song.'. I felt it, it was an emotional one. We sat in silence, listening to this music, while she leaned back, I was looking forward. Turned around and saw her crying. I instinctively hugged her and told her - 'Hey, come on, everything's alright.'. She started explaining why this song. That every time she heard it on the radio, she cried and nobody knew why. Even in front of her new boyfriend. It was a song that she associated with me. With all the memories. I also got emotional, but we hugged it out. Drank the remaining wine, bought beer and just drank ourselves up like some degenerates on a kids park in the evening. It happened to be midnight, while we started laughing again, she really wanted to cuddle me yet stayed a bit distant while coming instinctively closer. It was metaphysical, this gravitation between us. We almost kissed few times that very evening. And that very evening I got her to her house, hugged and never seen her again. This was the last time we saw each other, last time we spoke. She had her life in front of her, I had mine. They were now absolutely separated from each other.
By then, my father already alright, at least that's how it looked like. Our pooch was not having cancer and lets say those were good news. So I enjoyed life as it was, went to university and started getting myself some nice ambitions. Until it happened.

Chapter II. Loss and redirection. One day, I got home from hanging out with my friends in someday of November 2017, my mother and father were sitting on the table, they were a bit too silent for comfort. I sat down to join the dinner with them, and realized how much less my father started eating. I remembered that it's not his first time eating two or three spoons of soup and half a slice a bread. He complained a bit about him not being able to eat much more and I also realized that he was a bit more emotional than usual every time we watched a movie or when something was happening in life. Mind that my panic attacks didn't completely disappeared by then, I just learned how to suppress them better so I could be a bit more productive in my life. This thing started bother me and my family a lot. Also mind that my father went to the doctor only around 3 times in his whole life and he was 57 then. We all told him that he needed to check out what's wrong, but he was always putting it later and later until he really couldn't stand still and was starting to look sick.
Let me tell you guys a little bit of backstory of my father. And let me start with this. You know how people have their favorite superheroes? Mine was my father. I always looked up to him, he was my biggest and realest support in my whole life. He was a kind of a man that would give his first and last bite to a person in need. His last dime also. He was the most generous and kind-hearted person I've ever known. He was also an enterpreneur by mind and a leader by heart. He was born in a village, raised by my grandfather and my grandmother. They weren't rich, some would even say that they were even poor by the standards, but they were happy. Until one day, when my father was just twelve years old, a lighting took my grandmothers life. His life as expected turned really badly, my uncle was slowly turning into a lets say a bad person by morals, but my father was growing ever so gentle even though there was a clear crisis. Three of them started working on construction sites and repairs, factories and so on and so on (mind the fact that he was just twelve, who just lost his mother). He got his young and small hands on his family owned camera one day. And thought about what could he do with it. So he had this idea that if he skips, or straight up quits his jobs on construction sites and factories just to go to the village center and take photos of people and sell them later after he develops them to them that he would make more money than my grandfather. My gramps laughed at the idea and thought he was joking, but he wasn't. Long-story short, he made almost twice the money my grandfather made this day. That's how my father had just discovered his enterpreneur traits and talents. Later in his life, when in the army, he was signed for ship-repair. And he did hell of a good work painting and fixing the rust, so much so, that he became a Foreman (for those who don't know, it's like becoming a manager really fast in a work that you were unfamiliar with couple of years ago.) And not any kind, he's still known as one of the best Foreman stepped on a dock or a dry dock. After his time in the army, he continued repairing ships and making connections, as he was very charming, social and exceptionally intelligent. Until one day, the ship-repair industry had crisis, and the country let go of all the workers. So what he did was - rent a garage and start painting cars. Let me tell you, he was known as one of the best ship-painters in his region before this. And now he was known as one of the best car-painters in the same region. Exceptional talent for chemistry and painting (god, if he could read this, he would've killed me, because he hated to brag). Few years later, my mother got information that the shipyards were becoming private and not government owned and she called my father on those old cable phones. -'Leave the cars and come home, there's some news for you'. He replied - 'I can't. I am painting.' . The conversation took some minutes until my father agreed on going home. 17 hours shifts, everyday just so he could feed his daughters(my sisters, I wasn't still in the picture.) He finished painting the one or two cars that were left, left the keys of the garage to a workmate of his and went back to home. My mom said that we could make a firm and he should actually make a firm, he had his workers and workmates from before anyway. So they made a firm, my dad spoke with owner of the shipyard and the owner told him to get 20 workers for the next day. Excitedly, that he could save so many workers from hunger, he started dialing all of them. So the next day he showed up with 30 - 35 workers in their full working equipment in the shipyard, the owner of the shipyard was impressed and wanted even more, he started taking big projects. He even had around one hundred employees for some years. He was able to organize himself and the people working for him so good and without any negativity or failed promises, that I myself, and people who worked for him years later remember him very closely. He taught so many people this craft, that even til today, people thank him. He, in his years was praised for what he was, but he wasn't the best compliment taker anyway. He was always so humble, the rest is history. I have to write a whole book or two to be able to tell all the stories I've heard about him from people, so I'll just end the 'little story' here.
2017, November, he's feeling and looking ill, still going to work, despite the never-ending economical crisis in our country. Every morning I've seen him leave to work, he was with this little smile, no matter the day. A little smile of enthusiasm, like he was going to some new and exciting place for the first time. Like he just started working there, but it's been 30 years. I am still amazed by this enthusiasm. A couple of weeks later, in the beggining of December, he finally agreed to go and get checked out by a doctor, after the whole family telling him to do so. The day of the medical check, he woke up, took a shower, went to work and from the morning until noon he did so many documents and work, that he literally had two weeks saved up. He finished a two week worth of job just from morning to noon. Got into his car, came home, showered once again and we all went to the doctor. They ran some tests and told him to stay in the hospital. The nurses there asked for ID.He never liked wallets, so he just had something that looked like a wallet just for his documents like ID, driver's license and etc. When he opened that old thing, with his ID, me and my sisters saw that he kept all of our children photos in his wallet-like thing. It hit me in my emotions and when he saw that we saw the photos, he got them out and started talking about them. Almost frail, yet still strong man talking about us to us. I am not gonna lie, I almost cried in front of him. And in all of that while waiting the results of him. Neither one of us thought its something fatal. We just thought he would just need an operation and he'll get better in a month or two. We visited him everyday, from 5 to 9 hours a day at the hospital, but it was weird when we got home to have dinner and for him to be missing from the table. So weird so I didn't wanted to sit at the table and look at the empty chair. I just hoped that everything would be alright. A week passed after he got in the hospital, my anxiety was over the top, my heart was literally hurting and my stomach was a ball. Panic attacks every half an hour, hiding from my family to have them alone so I don't worry them even more. And the doctors said that he needs to get an operation. He had diabetes and high blood pressure, he was smoking lots of cigarettes for 20 years but in the hospital, he stopped them, every time I got in the room, his eyes were shining to see me and he got happy. You know how dudes know that they get happy even when they're not showing it in the most obvious way, yeah this was the way, yet he started making it more and more obvious that he got happy. One thing he was unhappy for was that we continued smoking cigarettes. He was constantly telling us that we smell like ashtrays. Anyway.. We signed some documents for him in order to get him into the operation room, he agreed to get operated because the thing inside of him was really disrupting him by then. They prepared him for two days for the operation, we had lots of emotional glances between us, my mother and my eldest sister knew what's happening with me, but me and my bigger sister didn't know. So the chief of gastric science in the hospital invited us to his room. He was very selective and gentle with his words, he didn't really know how to tell us but he did after all.
My heart shattered as he said - 'Your father has stomach cancer and he has plenty of metastases around his organs. We can try this surgery in order for you and him to be around for at least Christmas and New Years Eve. I tried to stay as strong as possible. Clenching my fists and hugging my sister. It was the second worst thing I've heard in my entire life. We went outside the room, my sister almost collapsed physically, we went outside the hospital, tears that didn't ever felt like stopping and then something unlocked inside of me. An instinct. Instinct of staying strong and living it inside of me. The same day we didn't really go inside the hospital to see my pops again, he didn't know. We wished that he wouldn't know, because it would totally shatter his fight and hope. It might have not been the most morally accepted thing we have done, but we did it for him. I've never stopped having nightmares since that day. That goddamn day. I had to accept my fathers incoming death. The clocks were ticking again. We had only two more days to talk with him. And then it was not guaranteed that we could. My moms told me to not show sadness in front of him the next couple of days that we visited. She was there the whole time. I can't imagine what she felt or how she's been those days. I totally stopped going to the university, stopped everything else except making music during my stay at home. After that goddamn day, the next day I left for the hospital. So with my last hopes of him getting better, with faith and prayers all the time I went inside smiling at him. Hardest things I've done in my life, after all. I know what is being a man, no man likes to be felt sorry for. He was smiling too, we talked, I hugged him (almost cried but tried to keep the smile as much as I could). The same thing the day after, except it was much heavier. The day after that is my fathers surgery. I didn't know what to feel, what to prepare myself for. To prepare for losing him or to weaponize myself with nuclear-like hope and faith that he'll get better. I went for the hope. Hope that everything will be alright. We had barely a week to prepare ourselves for something like that. As the nurses were taking him away, he looked at us one more time. We all just knew that this was his final fight, final battle. It was in the air. He was just looking at us with his beautiful blue eyes. Like he was trying to tell us something. While he was at the hall, he looked at me on his way to the elevator and didn't take his eyes of of mine. And this was my first battle. First battle with trying to keep it up. Elevator's doors closed. I knew what was happening. They didn't even let us get him to the surgery room. After that cursed sound of the old creaking elevator's door, we had few hours of intense pressure. I went outside, opened a new cigarette pack and probably smoked the whole of it. Went to a corner, cried my heart out alone. I just knew what was happening. There was no turning back. But the little voice of hope in my head kept repeating, that the surgery will be successful and he will get better with time. That's what I chose for it to tell me. Along my whole battle I had a loyal friend almost all the time next to me. He was leaving his work just to be in silence in the car with me. My childhood friend who I have ungodly amount of respect for. Every time he knew I would be alone, he would just leave his work and come hangout with me. I didn't tell him that I need someone then. But I might've needed a shoulder back then. I just wanted to be alone for a second and cry my heart out so I could be stronger support for my family when they most needed a strong support. After the hours passed , a nurse and the surgeon came in to the room, we anxiously asked them what was going on and they told us that the surgery passed and it wasn't fatal, but they couldn't do nothing to prevent the cancer from spreading. And then we all fell to a despair. He was in coma after the surgery. We couldn't say the proper goodbyes. They kept my dad in the intensive care wing for few days so relatives and friends could say goodbyes. My world has lost all color. I was seeing in grays. We went there, inside the room, he had life support machines, oxygen machines, morphines attached to the IVs. No one's ever prepared to see a dear loved one like that. We all cried and said goodbyes. The hope was still talking to my ear - 'Live your life worthy and join him after you're done. This is not the last time you meet.'. It was the last day, we just went outside the hospital and to his workplace, when my mom called my cousin and told him what have happened. He didn't wanted to tell us right a way on the workplace, but we all felt what happened. It was right after people from his years back gathered and started sharing stories, some cried. My mom told my cousin to get us home, we went to home and the moment we opened the door and I went inside, saw my mother looking into my eyes, the bad news we were all trying not to expect were there. He was gone.
His death, my fathers death dealt immeasurable amount of damage to me and my family. He was the pillar. Now we were all shaking. Everyone went to a separate room, some to try to accept what have happened, some to mourn, some to cry. We were all separated, all in his or her corner, trying to accept, mourn and stay strong. The pillar was gone. The super-hero. A villain has won once again. He was too young to go. He still had to see his grandchildren that he didn't had the chance to. Some say worst Christmas of their life for getting a wrong color of a phone or a car, but trust me, it hits really hard mourning your father while everyone is rejoining their family at dinner for celebrations. And then the New Years Eve. He was the heart of the party on New Years Eve's. Now he was back into the earth and we were all together, though lonely. There was no one and still no one hyping the New Year or the celebration or just taking me out for a New Year's trip with the car, getting fireworks and hugging. I would kill a person just to be able to hug him once more. My whole life was changing at a pace that my mind wasn't able to. But my heart told me to work for the firm for free just so it wouldn't be a burden to pay electricity bills and get warm food by the night. I knew that we needed that morale. We needed that goddamn warm food and comfort at least for the night. It felt like it was the most important thing right then. I got my elder sister to tell me that the thing I did was useless. It was to no avail and I was just f^%king my life over, just because I was not strong enough to keep my university going and build my life as I wanted it. Then I just wanted some warm food on the table without feeling like a burden. This pillar, I thought I could be it. One day at least. I underwent a great deal of humiliation by the people working at the yard, but I stayed strong. Every time I put my gas mask to blast a ship, I would just scream and cry inside, because only then no one would see me or hear me.
Chapter III. Loss and redirection II. We all mourned and still mourn in our own ways. But separation by the morning in the day that happened in the apartment was almost metaphorical and foreshadowing what was going to happen. But I wont get into that. Everyday I woke up at 5:30 am, got my coffee and cigarettes, had my morning routine rounded up. Went right back to work. My life has become work. I have become the work. I always had the black of the blasting on somewhere over my body no matter how long or intensive I showered and made sure I don't have any. My fingernails always had ship paint over them and my mind was in a fog. I started drinking after work. I started drinking brandy. Every night. Every day I was the first to change my clothes to working clothes, and after every shift I was the last to do so. My social life was fading as fast as the memories of my almost bohemic-like life style that I once had. Drinking wine and playing 3-cards poker on the sidewalks, dressing like a total hipster, listening to alternative music, having long and passionate sex, playing in a band, progressing as a classical musician, living life as it is given. Enjoying it. To the fullest of what I could do. To the sad man I have become then. The one who does what needs to be done, to having responsibilities greater than yourself. I had no money for even sunflower seeds, but the employees thought I got a percentage of every project. How awful that is. They're thinking you're rich, while you explain them that you're there to only help and learn what your father has done. At some time of me working there, they even took me as an assistant or a secretary to my sister - Tell her this, tell her that, ask her about a pay raise and things like that, while I literally could afford only a single shoe lace, maybe a second hand one if I bargained. But I was always telling myself to stay strong for my mother and to make my father proud in the afterlife. I now know that he wouldn't be proud of me even in this life, because he told me not once to halt my ambitions towards this industry as he knew how gentle person I was. I would literally never raise my voice to anyone that's working for me, no matter how annoying or bad they are at their job.
So I started avoiding our employees as much as possible, because I didn't wanted to have confrontations with them or if I have I wanted them to be a minimum. I've never felt more alone like then in my life. I might not be 50 years old to know and have 50 years of experience, but damn this is hard. As someone who was easygoing, laid back but still productive, I had to swiftly start changing my character or else I wouldn't have adapted. I chose to eat alone and walk alone, with minimum dialogues. I met whole bunch of wolves and hyenas in my path in this journey. Too much for comfort. Got my adult life starting with a kick and a slap, while I was on a cloud, falling down few hundred meters to fall face-down on a concrete with spikes, rather than just, you know. The usual stuff. I had no safety net. No safety net no more. I was living outside my comfort zone. Pretty much all the time, except when I went to sleep, because I was so tired, I straight up laid down every night and woke up like it was a moment of sleep. Dreamless nights. And occasional nightmares of course. Where to without them. As my sanity continued to degrade I was even more ambitious in doing always the most dangerous job, to not rest while working, to build a very weird work-discipline for myself. I let my workers go eat, while I was finishing the jobs. And then again, the occasional disciplinary warnings for me for the fact that I stayed alone to work, you know. Safety reasons. But I didn't need safety reasons. While my sanity was wearing off just like the downside of my 10th pair of work boots, I started having suicidal thoughts. At first they were the casual stuff ex. - What would happen if I just fall from this height. to slowly going to - I have a knife and a bare neck, maybe I could end it right here.
So about firms. Having a firm doesn't necessarily makes you rich. You can fall in debt much greater when you have a firm, than when you don't. So that would be one reason for my thoughts.
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2020.09.04 11:34 mariozamin123 Free adult video chat sites

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2020.08.25 20:44 seriouslystressed010 Free adult video chat sites

Hi, this is the first post I've ever made on Reddit.
I feel really embarrassed about what I just got involved with. I feel ashamed. Broken. Stupid. I feel stressed and just want to sleep all day to avoid thinking about it.
I'm going to write a detailed description of what happened to explain why I need advice and why I am afraid of going to the police.
I (24F) met a man (19M) off a dating site. We decided to chat via Snapchat. For a long time, he kept talking about how rich he was and how many properties and things he bought or would buy. I kind of didn't believe him because of his age. But anyway, the money part doesn't quite matter. We decided to meet. He lives in Detroit, MI. He asked me to buy some blunt wraps for us to smoke. The law is that you have to be 21 or older to buy them but I bought them for us anyway. I also brought us alcohol. This is clearly stated in the messages between us. We smoked his weed for a few hours. Michigan is a recreational state but you have to be 21 or older to use. Ultimately, we go to his aunt's apartment and have sex that day and when I go back to my car to leave, he tells me he recorded videos of us during the sex. He sent me one video via Snapchat and then told me he has another with both of our faces. I didn't see this supposed second video because he didn't send it to me. I begged him to come to my car and delete both videos in front of me but he refused and told me I'd have to pay him to do so. He said he wanted $50 and these pair of expensive shoes. I didn't do any of that and told him I don't have any money to give him. Then he told me to just go home and I did.
I'm sorry if I'm being all over the place with this. So I went home and called a friend and she told me to call police. But I am afraid of so many things. I brought him blunt wraps and alcohol and he's only 19. He offered me money to be his sugar baby or whatever but I don't think I ever actually wrote to him that I wanted to take the money. After the sex, he told me to wait in the car and that he was gonna get $500 for me. All I said was "You're giving me $500?!" And he said "yeah, $500 weekly." And I replied "How often would I have to come over?" And he said "two or three times weekly." Anyway, I didn't really have any kind of plan to take that money or meet him for that purpose. I just wanted to hang out. He actually borrowed $40 from me and that's what I was actually waiting for in my car. And while waiting, that's when he started saying he'd give me all that extra money. But he's a complete con man. He came back out to my car and wanted me to open a Cash App and send him money so he can buy these expensive shoes and that he would hand me the cash because he doesn't have a bank account. I said no because I don't have money to send him but mostly I was not comfortable with that. And that's when he went back inside and started mentioning the stuff about the videos.
He also mentioned that he records women for OnlyFans. I looked up his number on Facebook and saw some groups related to OnlyFans and sexual stuff. I'm worried that he'll post my videos online. In the messages, he states that he's not blackmailing me and that what he's doing is legal. He also said he wouldn't post anything. After our conversation, he blocked me on Snapchat so I couldn't screenshot his selfies and lost all the messages between us. I do have screenshots of our conversation regarding the videos and how he wants money for them to be deleted and I also saved one of the videos to my phone. I'm worried because one of the screenshots mentions me asking if he wants to drink. When I got home, he messaged me on the dating site and promised that he deleted them. I don't believe him now because I know he's a complete liar and I'm worried about what he'll do. I'm also thinking that he's lying about the second video with both of our faces in it. He was recording with his phone and I'm pretty sure I didn't see a phone in my face. If there was some of my face in it, I think it would be from an angle and it wouldn't be so clear. So I think he's lying just to get the money and shoes and all that.
The only information I have regarding him is his first name I believe, how old he is, his birth month possibly, and two or three addresses for people that know him, a specific tattoo on his right arm, and the fact that he is on probation for some reason.
Also, I heard him talking to his probation officer supposedly that he has his driving permit. That makes me worry. Why would a 19-year-old have a permit and not a full license? Like is he underage and lying that he's an adult? I saw his ID and it said he was born in 2001 but seeing how he is, everything could be fake. The age of consent in Michigan is 16 but still. I don't want to get in trouble for someone lying to me about their age.
Long story short, I'm considering calling the Detroit Police's non-emergency number because the situation occurred in Detroit even though I live in a different city. I'm just so afraid that I'll get in trouble for the blunt wraps and alcohol. Or be called a prostitute even though I didn't take any money and only wanted the $40 he took from me. He also used some of that money to go meet up with someone and buy weed, so I don't want to be accused of giving him money for drugs. I'm also worried he could be lying about his age and I'll get in trouble for that. I'm also worried that police won't be able to do much and that I'll have to get a lawyer. I don't have any money for a lawyer and I'm so afraid of everything that could happen.
In addition before the sex, I drove us back to my house and I went in to use the bathroom and stuff while he waited in the car. I never sent him my address but now he may remember where I live. I've afraid he might hurt my parents or me for going to the police.
I'm sorry for all the rambling and my annoying way of writing. But please, someone give me advice. He didn't threaten to post them, but he did say he's not deleting anything in front of me without getting paid or gifted. This is why I'm worried the police won't take it seriously as extortion or anything because he clearly states that the videos won't be posted.
I want to speak to a lawyer but I don't have the money for it. I just wanna know that I'm protected in case the police want to look at all the other details and charge me for it.
I just want the police to be able to get a warrant for all his devices and delete whatever he has of me. And possibly charge him with a crime. He's on probation supposedly so I think that might help the police find him if they do decide to help me. There is also the big chance that he's lying about there being a second video with my face in it and that's what I'm hoping is true.
And please, I know I was stupid in this entire situation. I regret ever meeting him. I feel so afraid of the world now. I don't feel secure anymore. I had plans of eventually moving out of state and meeting people but now I just want to stay at home with my parents and never leave.
Also, if any lawyers could also comment, I would really appreciate it. If anyone could direct me to any free legal services in Michigan that could help me in this situation, that would be great.
Thank you.
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