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Let's get into it!
Looking for anything from casual conversation to catching feelings. But I ask that you just come out and say what you’re shooting for if you already know. If you don’t that’s fine too! Online is great, in person is great (responsibly, of course)!!
If looking for hookup/fwb/cuddle buddy (BONUS POINTS) - I’m handsome(momapproved TM) (decent convos may lead to [non-dick, unless requested] pics and video chats, ladies get ready to put in work for once, maybe you'll finally get lucky with this guy /s), drug and disease free (DDF), well-dressed (especially in public), fine with weed/alc, 6’2” athletically built, of Indian descent (accent optional 😋), nails, face, and pubes kept trimmed, neat, and quite honestly, FABULOUS. Sounds too good to be true? Take the chance! Who knows? It might just work out.
Author's Note: Looking for a hookup but scared it might get too personal? Don't read any further, you might just fall in love...
For the people who’d like a conversation and more - feel free to pick anything or everything you see here and talk to me about it:
About me: Things I like:
- Not making unintentional grammatical errors (seriously I dare you to find even one)
- Good books and movies. I've historically enjoyed high fantasy, action thrillers, horror, romance, period stories, and more, but quite open minded to new experiences. One interesting non-mainstream film I enjoyed recently was Mandy (2018) with Nicholas Cage.
- Adding to the above, anime and manga.
- Sports and the outdoors (including basketball, volleyball, tennis, skiing, surfing, hiking).
- History, both learning about it and discussing it with people.
- Learning in general, not just about academically inclined subjects
- FOOD (all cuisines)
- Marvel Cinematic Universe
- Gaming (open to anything, fan of RPGs, shooters, side-scrollers, and most importantly those hentai games in the sidebars of sketchy manga and anime sites)
- Goofing around, hope you don't like the serious, brooding type (unless I'm tired, in which case you should definitely hope that I'm tired)
- Pockets, and advocating for pocket equality between men's and women's clothing. (I know what I just put down before this but I'm seriously, actually, really not joking)
Things I dislike:
- Being unable to discuss matters like an adult (if this is you in a relationship, if you can’t disagree on things without raising your voice, STAY AWAY thanks [but I hope you can work on yourself to the point where this isn't an issue for you, good luck])
- Being unable to try new things (I respect boundaries but this ends up limiting me most of the time)
- Being an asshole (especially to yourself)
- Lack of functional pockets in women's clothing
Be a normal, caring, and kind person and I’ll be down to talk to you!
If you've made it here, I believe you want a good conversation (and/or whatever interest that may spark) at the very least. Thank you for your time, and have a great fucking day! Remember to call your loved ones and tell them you love them (sorry, sorry, don't get angry at me I'm just the messenger).
submitted by aFellowHuman4444 to r4rSeattle [link] [comments]
2020.10.09 13:28 PracticalShine Free adult video chat sites
This is an update of my MD from last year, which you can find here. All figures are in CAD. (Approx. CAD/USD conversion is 1 CAD = 0.75 USD. So my income is ~$58,240 USD. I've tried to note the change since last time where I could!
Section One: Assets and Debt
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|Have you ever gotten into legal trouble by exploring the dark places of the internet? Like, "sorry, officer, I was only surfing drug markets and child molester forums for my next journalism piece..." Do you worry about that? Do you have to take extra steps to protect yourself?||I'm very careful not to go anywhere that it is illegal to visit. You will hear loads of stories about how easy it is to "stumble upon" child porn, but the fact is that those sites usually have names like "Preteen cuties" so you know exactly what they are, and in order to access them you have to register. So you have to make a very deliberate choice to log into them. I have no interest whatsoever in viewing any child abuse material, so I don't go into those places. When I was researching The Darkest Web, I went to the discussion forums that didn't allow any images (though they did link to sites that did), and even there I turned off images.|
|As for the drugs, weapons etc, there is nothing illegal about surfing them and looking around.|
|I do get a bit nervous every time I visit the US, especially when I was invited to a "friendly" lunch with Homeland Security once (it was reasonably friendly as it turns out, it was also terrifying)|
|the below is a reply to the above|
|Why did homeland security want to talk to you?||They said it was about the murder-for-hire stuff, but some of the questions leaned toward something else|
|Is there anything that really concerns you about the dark web? Some of the things already discussed are beyond barbaric and that is only the stuff that has been found out about and been picked up by the media and your fantastic work. Do you think the public should expect worse and more horrific revelations from the dark web or is it just "more of the same" for lack of a better term and do you think the authorities are getting better in shutting this inhumanity down and catching the people responsible?||I am definitely not against people taking back their online privacy and I actually think that buying drugs from the darknet markets is a safer and more sensible option than buying them from the dodgy dealer down the road. However the one thing that is really disturbing is that the dark web has provided a place for child predators to find each other and form communities where they support and egg each other on. Imagine a few years ago, someone who was into hurtcore could never tell anyone else and would be unlikely to ever come across another person with the same perversions. Now it is as simple as finding the relevant site on the dark web. When there are suddenly hundreds of people who all think and act in the same way, it normlalizes what they are doing.|
|One of the guys who got caught, Matthew Falder, was a sadist who used to crowdsource "ideas" for torturing the children and teens he was blackmailing into doing heinous things for him online. But apparently he was a "normal" intelligent popular guy|
|the below is a reply to the above|
|But how does everyone participate in those illegal sites without getting caught? You said in other comments that you tried to stay away from underaged sites because they were illegal. Can't they be tracked down, even with tor and a vpn? The thing that I don't understand is that even on the dark web people say you should stay away from illegal sites, but how are pedos not getting caught?||they are getting caught, but the way they are getting caught is through painstaking detective work, looking for clues in photos, befriending them online and getting them to reveal things about themselves (what is known as social engineering). It takes a long time and many resources.|
|I say don't go there because (a) it is illegal and (b) you really shouldn't want to go there|
|Iirc you attended the trial of the person behind the horrific hurt core website that was exposed a few years back. I was wondering if there was anything in particular that happened during the trial that particularly shocked or horrified you that isn't really public knowledge or talked about? Reactions from the judge or perpetrator during the trial etc. As I remember it the guy was a fairly young loner who lived with his parents but would probably never have been expected to be behind the horrific vile things which he was found to be. Also, how did you get into investigative journalism/writing?||I wrote in one of the other replies above about the little mute girl that has stayed with me. Also, at the insistence of the prosecution, the judge had to watch "Daisy's Destruction" which was a video of torture of a toddler. He put it off for two days and when he came back he was white. He didn't have the sound on, which is considered the worst part, but he still looked shell-shocked. I don't envy him.|
|I'll cut'n'paste re your last question: I was in London, working for one of the most conservative law firms in the world when the Global Financial Crisis hit. I liked the job but it struck me when people were losing their livelihoods that I was working for the bad guys. I'd always wanted to be a writer so when I came back to Australia I quit law and enrolled in a writing course planning to be a novelist, but I discovered I was better at journalism. I first wrote for newspapers here about Silk Road and it grew from there|
|the below is a reply to the above|
|Thanks for the reply.. that really must've been horrific for all involved from investigation to trial and for all of the victims (apart from the scum responsible of course). I guess it would be naive to assume that the end of this site did anything other than drive this depraved community even further underground. That is the part which is really scary to me but I suppose all we can do is have faith that the authorities are always close on the tail. Thank you for your work on reporting on this and raising this stuff more into the public consciousness and making people more aware of what kind of evil still lurks.||It was the most disturbing two days of my life, made all the worse because they read out hours of interactions from the site where the children still had not been identified or the predators caught.|
|Hurt2theCore was not the last site of its kind and there are still hurtcore sites to this day on the dark web. The one hopeful thing is that there are international task forces that seem to work together really well (unlike when it comes to drugs and every law enforcement agency wants to take the lead and they all withhold info from each other). There are a lot of resources allocated to identifying predators and their victims. Sometimes this has involved some very controversial tactics, such as taking over the sites and letting them run, so that they can use social engineering techniques to identify those who are using the sites and who are actually abusing children|
|the below is another reply to the original answer|
|So daisy's destruction is real? Was it referred to by that name court? I always thought it was a myth||Yes, Daisy's Destruction is real, it was referred to by name in court and the judge had to watch the 12 minutes of it that were hosted on Hurt2theCore.|
|The "myth" part is that it shows a murder. The toddler, Daisy, lived, though she suffered such horrific injuries she will never be able to bear children. Hopefully she was young enough that she will grow up without the memory.|
|However, Scully did murder at least one child, whose body was found under the floorboards of his house. it is not known whether he filmed her murder as no video evidence of it has come to light.|
|the below is a reply to the above|
|Thanks for answering. I actually watched a really good video on Hurt2theCore on youtube once, I think it was by a guy called Nexpo. It was really detailed and informative about the whole case - I forgot those details. Thanks again for replying, this AMA is really informative!||I think I recall that one, it was from a few years ago.|
|An excellent podcast that came out recently is "Hunting Warhead", highly recommend a listen. It is a tough listen, but exceptionally well-told and respectfully handled|
|How do you detach yourself from your work? I'm an investigator for a law firm and I've had a lot of difficult working on wrongful death cases recently. Also, how did you first end up getting published? Any tips for people interested in that field? Thanks!||I don't detach. When I was researching hurtcore, it was harrowing and affected me deeply. Writing that part of the book was a very slow process because I just couldn't be in that headspace for very long at a time. Once the book was written I didn't go back there.|
|I already had a reputation as a blogger and a freelance journalist when i pitched my book on Silk Road. I got an agent and it was auctioned off, with Pan MacMillan getting the rights. At the time, Silk Road was still going strong, and the book I wrote was about this new frontier of drug dealing that was changing the world. I was writing it "from the inside" as I had been an active part of the community for two years. However, right as I submitted the final manuscript to my publisher, Silk Road was busted and Ross Ulbricht arrested, so i had to quickly change the narrative to a "Rise and Fall" thing!|
|How many times have you approached law enforcement with information and how many times has the approach resulted in action? and... are there times where you know something nefarious is happening but history and the evidence at hand tells you it's not worth the effort?||There is no point in approaching law enforcement to say "I have come across this site". If I've found it, you can guarantee law enforcement has found it as well.|
|The only time I've approached law enforcement was when I had information that they did not, which was when a friendly hacker provided me with a back door into the Besa Mafia murder-for-hire site. I got to see all the messages and orders etc. Of course LE knew about the site, but they did not have the details of the people who had hits taken out on them. We tried desperately to tell police in several countries that real people had paid real money to have other real people killed, but they just weren't interested. We sounded like crazy people talking about dark web hitmen, who were scams anyway and nobody was dead, so why should they be interested? They became much more engaged when one of the people WE HAD PREVIOUSLY TOLD THEM ABOUT later turned up dead|
|the below is a reply to the above|
|By law enforcement, do you mean only local or else the big agencies? I feel like I wouldn't tell my local police department because they wouldn't really know what to do. It would have to the the bigger agencies.||FBI in US. NCA in UK. AFP in Australia. Nobody was very interested, although the FBI did visit at least one of the targets to let her know she was a target. She still wound up dead|
|What are some of the most prevalent uses of the dark web that AREN'T all shady and nefarious?||We might be getting into semantics here, but people use Tor, which is the most possible darknet that is used to access the dark web, just for private browsing and ensuring that commercial interests aren't following them everywhere to bombard them with ads for some thing they looked up.|
|Some of the news organizations have a dark web presence so that whistleblowers can upload information safely. Even the CIA has a site on the dark web so that people can anonymously tip off matters of national security.|
|Other than that, there are just forums, where you don't have to worry that every single stupid thing you post will be saved in posterity forever, to be trotted out years later when you run for congress or something|
|After everything you've seen, does anything surprise you anymore or are you just numb to it at this point? Do you think there should be more education/exposure about the dark web than there is now or would that just be counter-productive as people would just find another place to hide? I'm curious to hear any favourite stories about the Psychonauts.||I am not numb and I hope I never become numb. I really don't visit the horrible dark places very often, unless I'm researching something specific, and even then I don't look at pictures or videos. Most of the crime is pretty benign - I'm not fazed by people wanting a safer way to buy drugs.|
|I think there needs to be ongoing discussions about online activity and its misuse in general, but most crime still happens on the clearnet. The dark web is not nearly as large or prevalent as people fear.|
|For a long time, a dealer provided free LSD to anyone who wanted it for personal use (ie not sale) and to any organizations who were doing psychedelic therapy.|
|One psychonaut got busted and spent time in prison... only he still had bitcoin in a wallet and by the time he was released he was a millionaire. He would have just spent it on drugs otherwise :)|
|I know law enforcement has to delve into the predator side of the dark web. With what you've seen do you think it should be mandatory or an industry standard that law enforcement officials seek professional help? I couldn't imagine investigating that daily and not thinking less of humanity at some point.||I'm pretty sure they do. I worked for Legal Aid for a while, and i know there were pretty strict rules in place for the lawyers who had to defend child abusers.|
|When I was at the trial for Lux, owner of Hurt2theCore, I met a cop whose job it was to watch all the videos and befriend the predators in an attempt to get them to slip up and reveal something of themselves. She said she had a little filing cabinet in her brain where she put all that stuff, and that making an arrest made it all worthwhile. She had made several arrests personally. She was a sex offender's worst nightmare :)|
|What’s one of your personal favorite investigations and what made it unique for you?||By far the Besa Mafia murder-for-hire case. What made it unique was that, first, I was provided a back door into the Besa Mafia site by a friendly hacker, so i had information that nobody else had. But then I became "friends" for want of a better word with the owner of the site, Yura. Besa Mafia, of course, was not killing anyone, but Yura made a LOT of money scamming would-be murderers out of their money. We entered into a weird relationship over the years where i would report on his activities and he would try every trick under the sun to stop me from doing so, so that he could keep scamming people. He even offered me a job, helping him, because he had become so busy. He also provided me with names and details of people who had hits taken out on them so I could pass them on to law enforcement.|
|It all became horribly real when one of the people who had a hit put out of them wound up dead. It wasn't Yura of course, but the guy had paid him $13K before giving up on the site and doing it himself. The thing was WE HAD TOLD THE FBI about the hit and the $13K and they visited the victim, but then put it into the too-hard basket when she couldn't think who might have paid that much to kill her.|
|the below is a reply to the above|
|Wow. That’s actually pretty cool. Reminds me of an old saying. “Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.”||It's a seriously bizarre relationship. When I was hired as a consultant by CBS for a 48 Hours expose on dark web hitmen, he actually agreed to meet me in London. But he thought that CBS was going to advertise his site as the real deal and he got excited and sent them details of two people who had hits put out on them. CBS sent them straight to the police and very shortly after two arrests were made and it was all over the news, where they called his site a scam. Yura got so pissed about it, he never turned up to our meeting. They had even hired an Academy Award-nominated master of disguise makeup artist to disguise him!|
|are "red rooms" actually a prevalent thing, or just a widespread misconception or rumor? I ask in part because it's very easy to see, for instance, Mexican cartels dismembering people alive, etc, just on the clearnet. Hell, a couple days ago I saw a video posted of a cartel member cutting out a dude's heart while the guy was alive, and he ATE it. He fucking ATE it. So it seems plausible...||The most popular myth of all is Red Rooms, where people – usually women – are tortured to death live on camera while those who have paid to watch type in torture commands in a chat box. Think the movie Hostel, with webcams. In this sense these have never been proven to exist. I get where you are coming from with the cartels, and the recent news item where they found those shipping containers set up with torture rooms freaked me out and made me wonder!|
|There is some truth to this rumour, but the execution is not like you see in the movies. Most notably, because it involves children, not adults abused on demand for paying pedophiles, but not to the point of death|
|the below is a reply to the above|
|The news about those shipping containers really made me speculate, since for every one person who gets caught doing something evil, there must be at least several more people who are very honed in their 'profession' doing the same evil deeds and worse, yet who evade being captured for decades. Anyway, based on morbid things I've seen, karma comes around eventually...||I know, right? It really freaked me out, and then when I read that they already had intended victims for them but the police got to them first and put them in protected custody.. IMAGINE SEEING THOSE PICTURES AND KNOWING YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE IN THEM!! I would retire to a deserted island somewhere|
|the below is a reply to the above|
|Your line of work could easily result in something like C-PTSD down the road a little ways. I have a morbid curiosity, and have seen worse than those shipping containers had to offer. I'm sure you have as well. So one more question from you, if you don't mind: what are some proactive approaches to mental health you take to safeguard your sanity?||A lot of wine. Cuddle my dog|
|Hi, there! This has been fascinating to read; thank you so much for sharing! I'm curious: why do you think so many people who don't want to engage with disgusting and illegal content like hurtcore find it so interesting to read about? Do you have any insight into your readership and the ethics associated with reading about these kind of topics?||I think morbid fascination with the dark is exceedingly common - just look at how many people can't get enough about serial killers! In some ways it is probably a self-defense mechanism - the vast majority of true-crime readers are women. People like to be armed with knowledge. We also like to be spooked and scared.|
|As for my books, I don't really go into much gory detail, but the horror still shines through|
|Out of all 9-5 jobs out there, why this? What’s your motive?||I got disenchanted by being a lawyer and I had wanted to be an author since childhood. The lawyering put me in a strong enough financial position that I could quit to do a uni course for a couple of years. My plan was to become a best-selling novelist, but my first chick-lit novel was nothing special. However, during the course, I found I did really well at journalism and was soon making a living as a freelance journo before I finished the course. My first major feature was on the Silk Road drugs market, which I had discovered thanks to a friend who was using it. Once I got in there I became fascinated by everything about it and started contacting the owner, users, vendors etc asking for stories (I was upfront about who I was). I began the first serious dark web blog - allthingsvice.com - and also became the go-to freelancer for Australian dark web stories. Then I pitched my first book and got a healthy advance for it.|
|I like working for myself, working from home and delving into things. Right now I have my dream job (though it wouldn't hurt to pay a bit more. I'm certainly not making anywhere near what I used to make lawyering, but I make enough to get by and I live pretty simply)|
|Did you ever do any writing on Brian Farrell and his role in Silk Road 2.0? I was Brian's cellmate for all of 2017 at Sheridan Federal Prison and heard all of his crazy stories. Was just curious as to the validity of them all.||DoctorClu! I did write briefly about him in Silk Road, but it wasn't all positive. I remember being frustrated by the shitshow that was Silk Road 2.0 in the beginning, right after SR1 shut and when DPR2 took off and Defcon got all dramatic. It settled down after a bit and lasted a year, when it was revealed THEY HAD A FUCKING UNDERCOVER HOMELAND SECURITY OFFICER ON STAFF THE WHOLE TIME. But yeah, anyhow, they are probably true. I'd love to hear them :)|
|Was there ever something on the dark web that made you surprised ( in a good way) and smile ?||So many things. Back in the day of the original Silk Road, I became obsessed with the forums, the people behind it, the intelligent discourse about the War on Drugs and philosophy. I found it amusing that drug dealers ran sales and giveaways. There were book clubs and movie clubs.|
|One of the most important people from that era was Dr Fernando Cauevilla, who became a member of Silk Road as "DoctorX". He was a real doctor who provided genuine, free, non-judgmental advice about drug use to the members of the site. It was quite an amazing time.|
|the below is a reply to the above|
|Did Ulbricht get taken down the way we were told in the news? What happened to all the Bitcoins?||His arrest went down the way we were told in the news. How they located the server has never been disclosed (other than a fanciful explanation that NOBODY could believe). This explanation may be tested if Variety Jones runs a Fourth Amendment argument at his trial|
|The bitcoin in the wallet on Ross' computer was auctioned off by the Feds. He may have other bitcoin wallets stashed somewhere but nobody knows|
|the below is another reply to the original answer|
|Book/movie clubs on the silk road?||Yeah, they would set reading and then everyone would come back and discuss the book, or they would have a time when everyone watched the same movie at the same time and chatted about it in real time|
|the below is a reply to the above|
|Haha that's amazing! I don't suppose you remember any of the books in question?||They used to be a lot of philosophy books, especially on agorism. A Lodging of Wayfaring Men was one of the books. I remember V for Vendetta on a movie night|
|You don't seem to be pushing your most recent project and you're actually answering all the questions people ask, so I've got ask...are you some sort of government plant meant to destabilize reddit? This isn't how AMAs are supposed to work. You come in, you half ass a few questions, hawk whatever you're here to hawk, and then leave after 20 minutes. That's how it's done.||lol I'm a genuine redditor from way back, and I love talking about the stuff I do. I did find that after I answered a question in an AskReddit thread a while back that blew up, the sales followed. But that was organic and I don't think you can force it to happen - Reddit can spot that a mile awy|
|What are some of the best things about the dark web? And can anyone get on it? Things you can buy that you can’t buy normally online?||I really enjoy some of the forums, especially the psychonaut forums where people who like to trip on psychedelics get together and talk drugs and philosophy. There's a real "be kind to one another" vibe.|
|Getting on the dark web is easy, but not getting scammed when buying things takes a lot of homework. Yes, you can buy most things, but the most popular things are drugs and digital goods, i.e. things that depend on repeat custom and are easily transferable from seller to buyer|
|the below is a reply to the question|
|[deleted]||You're doing the Good Work my man. I'd give you one of those awards if i knew how|
|What would you define the word "Safe" when it come to the internet (both www and dark web) world and are there any tips that I should follow to keep myself safe?||It really depends on what YOU mean by safe. Tor, which is the darknet that provides access to the dark web will keep you safe from prying eyes and surveillance.|
|If you mean keep your information safe, the old-fashioned advice is to never reuse your password and to enable 2-Factor authentication wherever you can. Your information is quite likely somewhere on the dark web thanks to high-profile hacks of major organizations, but provided you don't re-use usernames and passwords, you really don't have to worry too much about it.|
|If you mean keeping yourself and/or any kid safe from predators, the only thing is to ensure you are educated about the approaches and methods they use.|
|Has Covid affected the Dark Web in any real way? Also I just read through all of the post comments, what incredible story’s. I would totally buy a book about the Silk Road or Yaru!||re covid on the dark web, here's some notes I made for an interview I did recently:|
|* when Trump first hyped hydroxychloroquine as a potential miracle cure for COVID-19, drug dealers on the dark web seized on the claim.|
|* Listings quickly popped up on the most popular darknet markets|
|* A vendor on Whitehouse Market sells 100 Pills for $90, calling it a “Miracle Drug For Coronavirus” and suggesting buyers purchase in bulk to sell at a mark-up locally.|
|* Another makes the dubious claim “This drug will help people to beat Corona Virus” There are 11 listings on Empire Market currently, although more than half are from the one seller, who is a well-known and trusted vendor on the site.|
|* There were also people claiming to be selling infected blood or plasma of recovered COVID victims|
|* The infected blood stuff is just bullshit IMO Just because something is listed doesn’t mean it is genuinely for sale|
|* There's been some claims to be selling vaccines|
|* At the beginning there were also loads of listings for PPE|
|* some just used it as a marketing tactic - “fight off the virus with edible cannabis” or “relax with Xanax” and others as an excuse to raise their prices|
|* However, sales are low compared to sales of other drugs on the site, so it is difficult to say whether it’s something that will really catch on|
|* It didn’t take long for complaints to come in and market owners to clamp down on anything claiming to be a miracle cure or vaccine|
|* users were discouraging other users from profiting off the pandemic and requested markets provide health and safety information|
|* All the major markets forbid anything being sold as a cure for COVID. They flagged keywords and vendors would be told to take any listings down. They also put out PSAs telling people not to buy|
|* Monopoly: threatened to ban and.. “You are about to ingest drugs from a stranger on the internet - under no circumstances should you trust any vendor that is using COVID-19 as a marketing tool to peddle already questionable goods”|
|* It was a business decision. They don’t want anything that will attract attention or that might cause desperate people who wouldn’t normally use the DNMs to find their way there|
|* The idea behind DNMs generally is educated and responsible drug use. They really don’t want people dying - bad publicity and no repeat custom|
|* However the dark web is rife with scammers and people willing to prey on the desperate so there are still scams out there|
|* The only way I could ever see it becoming a thing is if there is a well-known potential cure/vaccine that is not being made widely available and could plausibly find its way onto the black market|
|Hi Eileen :) My question is about how you construct your Casefile episodes - I assume there is an extensive amount of outlining but do you write the final draft like a script specifically thinking about his voice? And about how long are they as far as - for example - does one hour equal 50-60 pages? Thank you.||I initially write them as if I'm writing an article or book, but then go back and edit them to be read out and yes, when I do that, I do have his voice in my head lol. One episode is usually around 12,000 words. It then goes to another editor who edits the episode to be even more "casefileaa' before it finally goes to Casey|
|Have you been exposed to things in your investigations that have made you second-guess what you do? If so, what has made you keep going back?||i've definitely had days where I question everything, but to be honest, I don't really hang around the horrible really dark places much. I did delve into the child predator forums when I was writing The Darkest Web, but I don't make it a habit to go there. The psychonauts are much more friendly|
|the below is a reply to the above|
|To continue with that- have you clicked images, links that make you a suspect in certain scenarios?||Oh absolutely. Sometimes I go to a "Fresh Onion" site, which is a site that crawls all the .onion addresses (dark web URLs end in .onion rather than .com, org etc) and alerts you to any new ones. Sometimes they don't have any description, so you take a big risk clicking on any of those. The most dangerous button on the dark web is the "Random Onion" button, so I avoid that.|
|I'm pretty careful about what I click, but the moment something looks questionable I nope the fuck right out of there|
|the below is a reply to the above|
|Have you ever felt that you may be a suspect whether it be ok a drug site, a pedo site, etc. Have you ever been contacted by someone regarding your surfing habits?||Well my actual surfing habits are protected by Tor, which means they are hidden from prying eyes, so no I haven't been contacted about them. I am very open on the dark web about who I am and what I'm doing there - I use the name OzFreelancer on all of the markets and forums. I don't go to the sites that host child abuse images - you can't un-see that shit and I don't need it in my head.|
|As noted in another reply, I was contacted by Homeland Security on one of my visits to the US and taken for a "friendly" lunch.|
|the below is another reply to the original answer|
|Psychonauts are more friendly than most people. Something about regular mind altering experiences makes you want to be less of a cunt.||Yeah, I call The Majestic Garden a little corner of sunshine and rainbows on the dark web :)|
|the below is a reply to the above|
|More about The Majestic Garden please? What is grown there?||It's a place where people talk about and source psychedelics - most notably LSD, the 2C family, DMT and MDMA. Talk about and sourcing harder drugs is forbidden. In fact the admins snuck in an autocorrect so that any time someone wrote the word "cocaine" it would post as "a raging hardon" :D|
|Do you fear that seeing all this stuff might turn you emotionally blunt? I'm not watching any of this stuff on purpose (even the clearnet stuff), because I fear that the more you see of it, the more normal it gets, and ultimately, the more it will fuck you up. To quote the movie 8mm... "If you dance with the devil, the devil don't change. The devil changes you."||No, I can't even watch "3 Guys 1 Hammer" in its entirety, let alone look at the really dark materials on the dark web. When I was researching The Darkest Web, going into the predator forums did the opposite of making me blunt. It was the shortest section of the book but took the longest to write because it was so emotionally draining|
|the below is a reply to the above|
|I have to ask, what is "3 Guys 1 Hammer"?||It's a video of two teenagers murdering an innocent man with a hammer that went viral on the gore sites of the regular internet. It's truly horrible.|
|The teens killed over 20 people. I wrote about them in my book Psycho.com (excuse the plug)|
|I heard somewhere that you foster dogs. Is that something you do to counter all the terrible humans you encounter in your research - everyone knows how dogs are better than people. How many dogs have you fostered and which one was your favourite?||After my dog died I knew I didn't want to have another dog as I wanted to travel more. So I thought fostering dogs would be the answer as you give them love for a few weeks and then they go to their forever home. My first foster, Roy, was a big fat failure and now he lives here and sleeps in our bed and is the most spoiled dog alive|
|the below is a reply to the above|
|Did you then just decide to quit travelling? I don't know anything about Roy, but I already think I love him.||Nah, he has family he can stay with when I go away, but any major travelling has been thwarted by COVID for now anyway. I'm in a hard lockdown city.|
|And I'm sure Roy would love you too, |
|Given how much you know about the dark web, what kind of crazy awful nightmares have you had? This could be a really good one. Thank you||Probably the worst thing was delving into the forums where child predators gathered. I never looked at any videos or photos, but just seeing their discussions sickened me. The one thing that keeps coming back to me came out of the sentencing hearing that I attended of Lux, owner of Hurt2theCore, considered the most heinous website in history. In court they read out a conversation between him and an abuser who made videos of torture of the mute disabled child in his care. They were joking "at least she won't be able to tell anyone" . the abuser wasn't caught, at least by that stage|
|As an indie author, how have you sourced freelancers? Did you seek out those that have specific expertise or did you work with editors from your time as a traditionally published author?||I learned to do everything myself before I started outsourcing.|
|I work with a professional editor who happens to be a friend of mine from back when we did a writing course together. I've been doing my own covers, but now that I have some royalties coming in, I've engaged a professional cover artist from Reedsy to develop a brand and more professional-looking covers for me. It is the hardest thing to find people you really want to work with and who are in budget.|
|I still haven't got the hang of email lists, newsletters or a website - they are all in a total mess at the moment and I'd love to find someone who can do them, but again it is that problem of finding the right person who is within budget|
|is it true that most of the internet is in the "dark web"? if so about how much percent is it?||By far the biggest myth is that it 10x larger than the Internet. I mean, this should be common sense anyway, but it gets propagated by tabloid media all the time. It stems a lot from people using the terms "deep web" and "dark web" interchangably when they are different things.|
|The statement that 90% (or thereabouts) of the internet is hidden is true, and it is called the deep web (not the dark web). The 90% that is hidden is all those pages you won’t get to using google or any other search engines. There’s nothing scary about that – in fact it works in your favour.|
|The easiest example is your bank. The bank’s major page is available to anyone who searches the web (part of the 10%, also known as the “clearweb”). But once you log in, all those pages you can access that contain your personal details? Not searchable on google. Each one of those pages is part of the 90% of the deep web. Business and government intranets also make up part of the deep web. Honestly, it’s nothing to worry about.|
|The dark web – the hidden services available through Tor and other anonymising programs – makes up a tiny fraction of the deep web. A really, really tiny fraction. It is infinitely smaller than the clearweb.|
|Do you think human trafficking happens on the dark web? Last year (I think) there was a really bizarre story here in the UK about a model who was supposedly kidnapped to order, drugged and transported overseas by a group called "Black Death". The official story is that BD doesn't exist, and the kidnapper was a fantasist. Is it likely that humans are bought and sold into slavery over the dark web?||There are no slick websites with auctions for slaves on the dark web, but I have no doubt that human traffickers use dark web encryption to communicate.|
|(here comes the second plug for the thread) - I wrote about the kidnap of Chloe Ayling and the Black Death Group in Murder on the Dark Web|
|What ever happened to the plural of mongoose storyline? it seems like after he was arrested in the united states, his case just fizzled away. did you ever find out any more information about yuri after he cancelled the interview with a news program? what happened with peter scully's case? i read that there was a fire where a lot of evidence against him was held and it all went up in smoke. are there any character and/or personality storylines that you feel haven't been told or are still a complete mystery? eg. tony76||1. He is still in the MCC in NY and awaiting trial. It has taken a long time because he had terrabytes of information to go through and things would have slowed down due to covid. I understand he is running the Fouth Amendment argument that Ulbricht probably should have run in the first place|
|2. I last heard from Yura just a few weeks ago. He is still scamming. There are some more programs in the works about him|
|3. Yes there was a very convenient fire, but he still got sentenced to life and i hope he rots in hell|
|4. I am madly curious to know what is happening with the extradition of James Ellingson, aka “MarijuanaIsMyMuse”, aka "redandwhite", MAYBE aka Tony76. I would LOVE to know that full story!|
|the below is a reply to the above|
|Wow, this shit is a blast from the past. I used to love following the darknetmarket drama. Did you write about PoM and tony76 in one of your books? Ever since reddit shut down /darknetmarket I've been out of the loop.||Yes, I wrote about them in The Darkest Web|
|I was in touch with PoM/Mongoose when he went on a posting rampage on MyPlanetGanja, then visited him in Bangkok prison several times. Wrote all about it :)|
|This may have been answered by a previous post pertaining to native language barriers to specific sites on the dark web, but in your investigations, did you come across content/pages/forums from warzones? Middle East, Burma, Afghanistan, etc? If yes, what was the most memorable bit?||There are loads of sites in foreign languages, but it is too difficult for me (a one-language numpty) to attempt to translate through AI, and it is not worth hiring a translator when they could just turn out to be Cat Facts|
2020.09.21 04:21 slightbug65 Free adult video chat sites
Hello guys, first post, if there's something wrong I do, please let me know.
!!WARNING: THIS INCLUDES DEATH, LOSS OF LOVED ONES, SEX , SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND HARDSHIP!!
(Also English is not my native language, so sorry if I sound like an idiot. Thanks in advance.)
Chapter I. Panic Attacks and Heartbreak. So, my struggle started a few years ago, when I started having panic attacks. My girlfriend(ex now)(I will call her C so there's no confusion.) back then was very supportive of me every time I had them but I felt that it started getting a bit of a burden for her and tried to hide them as much as possible, but more often than not, they started showing up in front of her, because I had zero control over them when it was happening.
A little bit of backstory on my relationship back then (2013 - 2017 rip in pieces.) - she was this very nice girl, beautiful. Artsy, just like me, we got through pretty nice. But she had her demons too. She had lots of them. In time I understood about them and tried to be as supportive as I could. Which meant sometimes letting myself back in priorities in order to help her. As expected this didn't end well. It happened to become a habit in a way, to let her be in first place of my priorities. She had those extreme jealousy episodes (as I call them). So extreme in fact, she was aggressive, even abusive towards me. Her most ridiculous acts included and were not limited to - She trying to stop me from having any communication with any of my female cousins. Controlling my environment. Finding a way to get through my phone and block every female person in it (except my teachers). And so on and so on. So I tried to talk it out with her, that this behavior is not very accepted and in a way that she's distancing me from her without trying to pull any heartstrings or threaten her. Trust me, this was hard to do. She was an artist (still is) and I was a musician. When it was about art, we got through very well. But when I was rekindling my spirituality, she was making fun of me with all the meditations and things I was getting educated on. Apart that, I can explain our relationship with one word. Passionate. Everything was passionate, from the intercourse, to the jealousy. I can't say that her jealousy didn't gave birth to mine towards her. I still had a heartbreak and some trust issues from my first relationship, which ended in her cheating (enough said for my first relationship, she was a bad person( She will be called person X, so there's no further confusion)). I wasn't the best person in the world, but I did what I could for her.
After the panic attacks appearances in my life, it started getting tough. Sometimes I would've get them 6 times a day, I had this feeling that I was going to die, I was smoking lots of cigarettes back then (and listening to Arctic Monkeys and Motorhead, duh.) I started thinking they were mini heart attacks that were happening to me, until they started happening in front of her, for which she was weirdly prepared to help me with, started talking about me breathing, she got me a blanket and such. But then again, all that 'weakness' attacked my 'male-ego' because of course 16-17ish year old boy, who thought he was the most strong and bad ass person having those things wasn't really 'tough and bad ass' things to go through. But I was wrong, they're something normal and they can and could happen to anyone. It's just that I really wasn't educated enough in this particular topic. I went through with it, started hiding it (as I previously said), it got worse and I felt how she couldn't be handling it anymore. We graduated school (yeah, yeah. High school sweethearts, such a cliché thing.), started studying the same thing (Big mistake number 1), because she was threatening me with break ups and more (not going into detail) against me going to Germany to study music there ( Big mistake number 2). She didn't had a really nice family, they were taking like 80% of her salary right off her purse while she was sleeping, without questions, without anything. And when she confronted them, always this damn argument - 'You're a grown ass woman, and you are living in our house, what do you expect?' Even I confronted them once, but to no avail. She was getting really tired of her family and decided to make future plans. For some I was there, for some I wasn't. This wasn't helping my panic attacks and general anxiety, but I could not just tell her - You're my slave, you're going to do what I say. I just winged it and tried to get in her plans. She had few, chose the one - that she was going to Cyprus. Invited me. I couldn't right a way. She obviously quit university, wanted the same from me. But I had this feeling, a gut one. That it's not right, something was happening. Here I was, with clock ticking of making an important decision (first of many), days were going by, hours after hours. Until one day. I met my best-friend (for whom I broke up with C twice.) kissing and holding my first girlfriend, person X. She was by then a long-'forgotten ex'. I just stayed there, inside a bus-stations parking, looking at them in a very salty disappointment. I was just about to leave, when he realized I was few hundred meters away from them and realizing how that broke me a bit with all of the things he used to say with 'the bro-code' (we all know at least few points that he broke in that day and in those previous days.). He ran to me, didn't really had words to say, so he reached down his bag and gave me a canteen with some vodka inside and said - 'You might need to drink some' and right after that he said - 'But I can explain...' which he tried but I didn't really hear him after all this emotional distress of disappointment. I just drank a bit, turn my back and started walking away. We had some drama-filled phone calls with him, then we stopped communicating for a while. Still, the clock was ticking and the very thought of C leaving to another country. To the thought I wouldn't be able to just make her feel safe and home. Hug her or even see her. Smell her hair and kiss her paint stained hands. My options were running thin, time even thinner. After I told her what happened with my best-friend she tried to help me get through this as much as she could, the emotional burden was heavy and I just went to her house, hugged her, told her about this, she made me coffee but I still felt exhausted. I had family problems too, so she had enough emotional intelligence to know to not bother me with her going away. So she just told me to go to sleep. I went to sleep which resulted in me having gruesome nightmares. I just couldn't take it. So she woke me up and told me to come to the room - She had ordered a pizza, our favorite pizza in particular and put on some movie on her laptop. Which made me almost cry, so I just cuddled the night away, eating pizza with her. I knew that she couldn't afford the pizza, and I saw her not buying cigarettes for two days at least after that which made me love her even more, so I started sneaking cigarette packs in her bag and getting her out more often. Away from her house, so I could repay her a bit.
Then the depression started graying out the palette of my eyes, I was feeling like my life was losing colour, I was feeling that something much worse was going to happen than her leaving to Cyprus or even lose her. She left to Cyprus. I couldn't stop her, so I inevitably started blaming myself. She invited me to go with her, but I declined because I started feeling pain towards my family. She was blaming me that those are only excuses and I just can't adapt to change, and how this thing could really change our lives. Few weeks later my dad got sick and in the same day they suspected that our family dog (which we all love so much. A good boi) had cancer. Told her, but she was already cold, it felt like few months ago we had the feeling of a hot summer day, even when we were fighting or arguing, but then, the way she was speaking felt a lot more like the cold-winds of the sea, crashing into some Arctic mountain. I felt what was going on. She was preparing me for a break up, and she knew that I started suspecting so she straight away just told me to stop with the excuses, told that there's nothing wrong with my father and there's nothing wrong with the dog. She started swearing in a very distanced way. Distanced in a obvious way. We were talking for hours when she first got there, I was trying to be excited for her and not kill her vibe, but with days passing, video calls for hours turned to phone calls for half an hour and with time they even became just chats. I felt what was going on. So after the phone call about my father and family dog, we didn't hear each other for two or three days until one morning she woke me up with a text - 'There's something we need to talk about.' I felt chills to my bones, even though I was 'prepared'. I loved her so much, it hurt me.
We had a short phone call in which we broke up. One month and few days after her leaving. It was around may'ish in 2017. Three and a half years of pure passion even in fights. It's light if I say it hurt me. This event broke another part of me which I still try to heal. A week later we spoke on the phone again, my father and the pooch were getting a bit better, but they were sick. I've never seen my father be absent of his job (for which I will talk about later) for so long. It was ringing whole lots and lots of red alarms in my head. She started swearing and cussing every time I got the topic up, it was painful to hear such words from someone who hurt me that bad. I told her if she wants to try again, I still felt great amount of love towards her, but she wasn't very keen on trying again. So after a few tears and a defeated face I got back up on my feet, tried to stay as much home as possible for helping even though my sisters and mother and my sister's husband being there, I felt the need to help them.
I began trying to experience life being alone. But you know, after a relationship that long you still need time to manage yourself purely emotionally. We saw each other in the end of the same summer, she was coming back to renew her ID and documents. I've already had some other flings and situations, so when she asked me to see each other, I was surprised but still accepted. We got wine, food and cigarettes from the mall, sat in a park, across the street of the mall and started sharing, we were talking and laughing, at least pretending that this whole thing didn't hurt both of us. Until things didn't get emotional. I was keeping a stone hard face, while she broke. The tough girl broke, put a song on her phone and just said - ' I know that you don't know greek, but just try to feel the song.'. I felt it, it was an emotional one. We sat in silence, listening to this music, while she leaned back, I was looking forward. Turned around and saw her crying. I instinctively hugged her and told her - 'Hey, come on, everything's alright.'. She started explaining why this song. That every time she heard it on the radio, she cried and nobody knew why. Even in front of her new boyfriend. It was a song that she associated with me. With all the memories. I also got emotional, but we hugged it out. Drank the remaining wine, bought beer and just drank ourselves up like some degenerates on a kids park in the evening. It happened to be midnight, while we started laughing again, she really wanted to cuddle me yet stayed a bit distant while coming instinctively closer. It was metaphysical, this gravitation between us. We almost kissed few times that very evening. And that very evening I got her to her house, hugged and never seen her again. This was the last time we saw each other, last time we spoke. She had her life in front of her, I had mine. They were now absolutely separated from each other.
By then, my father already alright, at least that's how it looked like. Our pooch was not having cancer and lets say those were good news. So I enjoyed life as it was, went to university and started getting myself some nice ambitions. Until it happened.
Chapter II. Loss and redirection. One day, I got home from hanging out with my friends in someday of November 2017, my mother and father were sitting on the table, they were a bit too silent for comfort. I sat down to join the dinner with them, and realized how much less my father started eating. I remembered that it's not his first time eating two or three spoons of soup and half a slice a bread. He complained a bit about him not being able to eat much more and I also realized that he was a bit more emotional than usual every time we watched a movie or when something was happening in life. Mind that my panic attacks didn't completely disappeared by then, I just learned how to suppress them better so I could be a bit more productive in my life. This thing started bother me and my family a lot. Also mind that my father went to the doctor only around 3 times in his whole life and he was 57 then. We all told him that he needed to check out what's wrong, but he was always putting it later and later until he really couldn't stand still and was starting to look sick.
Let me tell you guys a little bit of backstory of my father. And let me start with this. You know how people have their favorite superheroes? Mine was my father. I always looked up to him, he was my biggest and realest support in my whole life. He was a kind of a man that would give his first and last bite to a person in need. His last dime also. He was the most generous and kind-hearted person I've ever known. He was also an enterpreneur by mind and a leader by heart. He was born in a village, raised by my grandfather and my grandmother. They weren't rich, some would even say that they were even poor by the standards, but they were happy. Until one day, when my father was just twelve years old, a lighting took my grandmothers life. His life as expected turned really badly, my uncle was slowly turning into a lets say a bad person by morals, but my father was growing ever so gentle even though there was a clear crisis. Three of them started working on construction sites and repairs, factories and so on and so on (mind the fact that he was just twelve, who just lost his mother). He got his young and small hands on his family owned camera one day. And thought about what could he do with it. So he had this idea that if he skips, or straight up quits his jobs on construction sites and factories just to go to the village center and take photos of people and sell them later after he develops them to them that he would make more money than my grandfather. My gramps laughed at the idea and thought he was joking, but he wasn't. Long-story short, he made almost twice the money my grandfather made this day. That's how my father had just discovered his enterpreneur traits and talents. Later in his life, when in the army, he was signed for ship-repair. And he did hell of a good work painting and fixing the rust, so much so, that he became a Foreman (for those who don't know, it's like becoming a manager really fast in a work that you were unfamiliar with couple of years ago.) And not any kind, he's still known as one of the best Foreman stepped on a dock or a dry dock. After his time in the army, he continued repairing ships and making connections, as he was very charming, social and exceptionally intelligent. Until one day, the ship-repair industry had crisis, and the country let go of all the workers. So what he did was - rent a garage and start painting cars. Let me tell you, he was known as one of the best ship-painters in his region before this. And now he was known as one of the best car-painters in the same region. Exceptional talent for chemistry and painting (god, if he could read this, he would've killed me, because he hated to brag). Few years later, my mother got information that the shipyards were becoming private and not government owned and she called my father on those old cable phones. -'Leave the cars and come home, there's some news for you'. He replied - 'I can't. I am painting.' . The conversation took some minutes until my father agreed on going home. 17 hours shifts, everyday just so he could feed his daughters(my sisters, I wasn't still in the picture.) He finished painting the one or two cars that were left, left the keys of the garage to a workmate of his and went back to home. My mom said that we could make a firm and he should actually make a firm, he had his workers and workmates from before anyway. So they made a firm, my dad spoke with owner of the shipyard and the owner told him to get 20 workers for the next day. Excitedly, that he could save so many workers from hunger, he started dialing all of them. So the next day he showed up with 30 - 35 workers in their full working equipment in the shipyard, the owner of the shipyard was impressed and wanted even more, he started taking big projects. He even had around one hundred employees for some years. He was able to organize himself and the people working for him so good and without any negativity or failed promises, that I myself, and people who worked for him years later remember him very closely. He taught so many people this craft, that even til today, people thank him. He, in his years was praised for what he was, but he wasn't the best compliment taker anyway. He was always so humble, the rest is history. I have to write a whole book or two to be able to tell all the stories I've heard about him from people, so I'll just end the 'little story' here.
2017, November, he's feeling and looking ill, still going to work, despite the never-ending economical crisis in our country. Every morning I've seen him leave to work, he was with this little smile, no matter the day. A little smile of enthusiasm, like he was going to some new and exciting place for the first time. Like he just started working there, but it's been 30 years. I am still amazed by this enthusiasm. A couple of weeks later, in the beggining of December, he finally agreed to go and get checked out by a doctor, after the whole family telling him to do so. The day of the medical check, he woke up, took a shower, went to work and from the morning until noon he did so many documents and work, that he literally had two weeks saved up. He finished a two week worth of job just from morning to noon. Got into his car, came home, showered once again and we all went to the doctor. They ran some tests and told him to stay in the hospital. The nurses there asked for ID.He never liked wallets, so he just had something that looked like a wallet just for his documents like ID, driver's license and etc. When he opened that old thing, with his ID, me and my sisters saw that he kept all of our children photos in his wallet-like thing. It hit me in my emotions and when he saw that we saw the photos, he got them out and started talking about them. Almost frail, yet still strong man talking about us to us. I am not gonna lie, I almost cried in front of him. And in all of that while waiting the results of him. Neither one of us thought its something fatal. We just thought he would just need an operation and he'll get better in a month or two. We visited him everyday, from 5 to 9 hours a day at the hospital, but it was weird when we got home to have dinner and for him to be missing from the table. So weird so I didn't wanted to sit at the table and look at the empty chair. I just hoped that everything would be alright. A week passed after he got in the hospital, my anxiety was over the top, my heart was literally hurting and my stomach was a ball. Panic attacks every half an hour, hiding from my family to have them alone so I don't worry them even more. And the doctors said that he needs to get an operation. He had diabetes and high blood pressure, he was smoking lots of cigarettes for 20 years but in the hospital, he stopped them, every time I got in the room, his eyes were shining to see me and he got happy. You know how dudes know that they get happy even when they're not showing it in the most obvious way, yeah this was the way, yet he started making it more and more obvious that he got happy. One thing he was unhappy for was that we continued smoking cigarettes. He was constantly telling us that we smell like ashtrays. Anyway.. We signed some documents for him in order to get him into the operation room, he agreed to get operated because the thing inside of him was really disrupting him by then. They prepared him for two days for the operation, we had lots of emotional glances between us, my mother and my eldest sister knew what's happening with me, but me and my bigger sister didn't know. So the chief of gastric science in the hospital invited us to his room. He was very selective and gentle with his words, he didn't really know how to tell us but he did after all.
My heart shattered as he said - 'Your father has stomach cancer and he has plenty of metastases around his organs. We can try this surgery in order for you and him to be around for at least Christmas and New Years Eve. I tried to stay as strong as possible. Clenching my fists and hugging my sister. It was the second worst thing I've heard in my entire life. We went outside the room, my sister almost collapsed physically, we went outside the hospital, tears that didn't ever felt like stopping and then something unlocked inside of me. An instinct. Instinct of staying strong and living it inside of me. The same day we didn't really go inside the hospital to see my pops again, he didn't know. We wished that he wouldn't know, because it would totally shatter his fight and hope. It might have not been the most morally accepted thing we have done, but we did it for him. I've never stopped having nightmares since that day. That goddamn day. I had to accept my fathers incoming death. The clocks were ticking again. We had only two more days to talk with him. And then it was not guaranteed that we could. My moms told me to not show sadness in front of him the next couple of days that we visited. She was there the whole time. I can't imagine what she felt or how she's been those days. I totally stopped going to the university, stopped everything else except making music during my stay at home. After that goddamn day, the next day I left for the hospital. So with my last hopes of him getting better, with faith and prayers all the time I went inside smiling at him. Hardest things I've done in my life, after all. I know what is being a man, no man likes to be felt sorry for. He was smiling too, we talked, I hugged him (almost cried but tried to keep the smile as much as I could). The same thing the day after, except it was much heavier. The day after that is my fathers surgery. I didn't know what to feel, what to prepare myself for. To prepare for losing him or to weaponize myself with nuclear-like hope and faith that he'll get better. I went for the hope. Hope that everything will be alright. We had barely a week to prepare ourselves for something like that. As the nurses were taking him away, he looked at us one more time. We all just knew that this was his final fight, final battle. It was in the air. He was just looking at us with his beautiful blue eyes. Like he was trying to tell us something. While he was at the hall, he looked at me on his way to the elevator and didn't take his eyes of of mine. And this was my first battle. First battle with trying to keep it up. Elevator's doors closed. I knew what was happening. They didn't even let us get him to the surgery room. After that cursed sound of the old creaking elevator's door, we had few hours of intense pressure. I went outside, opened a new cigarette pack and probably smoked the whole of it. Went to a corner, cried my heart out alone. I just knew what was happening. There was no turning back. But the little voice of hope in my head kept repeating, that the surgery will be successful and he will get better with time. That's what I chose for it to tell me. Along my whole battle I had a loyal friend almost all the time next to me. He was leaving his work just to be in silence in the car with me. My childhood friend who I have ungodly amount of respect for. Every time he knew I would be alone, he would just leave his work and come hangout with me. I didn't tell him that I need someone then. But I might've needed a shoulder back then. I just wanted to be alone for a second and cry my heart out so I could be stronger support for my family when they most needed a strong support. After the hours passed , a nurse and the surgeon came in to the room, we anxiously asked them what was going on and they told us that the surgery passed and it wasn't fatal, but they couldn't do nothing to prevent the cancer from spreading. And then we all fell to a despair. He was in coma after the surgery. We couldn't say the proper goodbyes. They kept my dad in the intensive care wing for few days so relatives and friends could say goodbyes. My world has lost all color. I was seeing in grays. We went there, inside the room, he had life support machines, oxygen machines, morphines attached to the IVs. No one's ever prepared to see a dear loved one like that. We all cried and said goodbyes. The hope was still talking to my ear - 'Live your life worthy and join him after you're done. This is not the last time you meet.'. It was the last day, we just went outside the hospital and to his workplace, when my mom called my cousin and told him what have happened. He didn't wanted to tell us right a way on the workplace, but we all felt what happened. It was right after people from his years back gathered and started sharing stories, some cried. My mom told my cousin to get us home, we went to home and the moment we opened the door and I went inside, saw my mother looking into my eyes, the bad news we were all trying not to expect were there. He was gone.
His death, my fathers death dealt immeasurable amount of damage to me and my family. He was the pillar. Now we were all shaking. Everyone went to a separate room, some to try to accept what have happened, some to mourn, some to cry. We were all separated, all in his or her corner, trying to accept, mourn and stay strong. The pillar was gone. The super-hero. A villain has won once again. He was too young to go. He still had to see his grandchildren that he didn't had the chance to. Some say worst Christmas of their life for getting a wrong color of a phone or a car, but trust me, it hits really hard mourning your father while everyone is rejoining their family at dinner for celebrations. And then the New Years Eve. He was the heart of the party on New Years Eve's. Now he was back into the earth and we were all together, though lonely. There was no one and still no one hyping the New Year or the celebration or just taking me out for a New Year's trip with the car, getting fireworks and hugging. I would kill a person just to be able to hug him once more. My whole life was changing at a pace that my mind wasn't able to. But my heart told me to work for the firm for free just so it wouldn't be a burden to pay electricity bills and get warm food by the night. I knew that we needed that morale. We needed that goddamn warm food and comfort at least for the night. It felt like it was the most important thing right then. I got my elder sister to tell me that the thing I did was useless. It was to no avail and I was just f^%king my life over, just because I was not strong enough to keep my university going and build my life as I wanted it. Then I just wanted some warm food on the table without feeling like a burden. This pillar, I thought I could be it. One day at least. I underwent a great deal of humiliation by the people working at the yard, but I stayed strong. Every time I put my gas mask to blast a ship, I would just scream and cry inside, because only then no one would see me or hear me.
Chapter III. Loss and redirection II. We all mourned and still mourn in our own ways. But separation by the morning in the day that happened in the apartment was almost metaphorical and foreshadowing what was going to happen. But I wont get into that. Everyday I woke up at 5:30 am, got my coffee and cigarettes, had my morning routine rounded up. Went right back to work. My life has become work. I have become the work. I always had the black of the blasting on somewhere over my body no matter how long or intensive I showered and made sure I don't have any. My fingernails always had ship paint over them and my mind was in a fog. I started drinking after work. I started drinking brandy. Every night. Every day I was the first to change my clothes to working clothes, and after every shift I was the last to do so. My social life was fading as fast as the memories of my almost bohemic-like life style that I once had. Drinking wine and playing 3-cards poker on the sidewalks, dressing like a total hipster, listening to alternative music, having long and passionate sex, playing in a band, progressing as a classical musician, living life as it is given. Enjoying it. To the fullest of what I could do. To the sad man I have become then. The one who does what needs to be done, to having responsibilities greater than yourself. I had no money for even sunflower seeds, but the employees thought I got a percentage of every project. How awful that is. They're thinking you're rich, while you explain them that you're there to only help and learn what your father has done. At some time of me working there, they even took me as an assistant or a secretary to my sister - Tell her this, tell her that, ask her about a pay raise and things like that, while I literally could afford only a single shoe lace, maybe a second hand one if I bargained. But I was always telling myself to stay strong for my mother and to make my father proud in the afterlife. I now know that he wouldn't be proud of me even in this life, because he told me not once to halt my ambitions towards this industry as he knew how gentle person I was. I would literally never raise my voice to anyone that's working for me, no matter how annoying or bad they are at their job.
So I started avoiding our employees as much as possible, because I didn't wanted to have confrontations with them or if I have I wanted them to be a minimum. I've never felt more alone like then in my life. I might not be 50 years old to know and have 50 years of experience, but damn this is hard. As someone who was easygoing, laid back but still productive, I had to swiftly start changing my character or else I wouldn't have adapted. I chose to eat alone and walk alone, with minimum dialogues. I met whole bunch of wolves and hyenas in my path in this journey. Too much for comfort. Got my adult life starting with a kick and a slap, while I was on a cloud, falling down few hundred meters to fall face-down on a concrete with spikes, rather than just, you know. The usual stuff. I had no safety net. No safety net no more. I was living outside my comfort zone. Pretty much all the time, except when I went to sleep, because I was so tired, I straight up laid down every night and woke up like it was a moment of sleep. Dreamless nights. And occasional nightmares of course. Where to without them. As my sanity continued to degrade I was even more ambitious in doing always the most dangerous job, to not rest while working, to build a very weird work-discipline for myself. I let my workers go eat, while I was finishing the jobs. And then again, the occasional disciplinary warnings for me for the fact that I stayed alone to work, you know. Safety reasons. But I didn't need safety reasons. While my sanity was wearing off just like the downside of my 10th pair of work boots, I started having suicidal thoughts. At first they were the casual stuff ex. - What would happen if I just fall from this height. to slowly going to - I have a knife and a bare neck, maybe I could end it right here.
So about firms. Having a firm doesn't necessarily makes you rich. You can fall in debt much greater when you have a firm, than when you don't. So that would be one reason for my thoughts.
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2020.08.25 20:44 seriouslystressed010 Free adult video chat sites
Hi, this is the first post I've ever made on Reddit.
I feel really embarrassed about what I just got involved with. I feel ashamed. Broken. Stupid. I feel stressed and just want to sleep all day to avoid thinking about it.
I'm going to write a detailed description of what happened to explain why I need advice and why I am afraid of going to the police.
I (24F) met a man (19M) off a dating site. We decided to chat via Snapchat. For a long time, he kept talking about how rich he was and how many properties and things he bought or would buy. I kind of didn't believe him because of his age. But anyway, the money part doesn't quite matter. We decided to meet. He lives in Detroit, MI. He asked me to buy some blunt wraps for us to smoke. The law is that you have to be 21 or older to buy them but I bought them for us anyway. I also brought us alcohol. This is clearly stated in the messages between us. We smoked his weed for a few hours. Michigan is a recreational state but you have to be 21 or older to use. Ultimately, we go to his aunt's apartment and have sex that day and when I go back to my car to leave, he tells me he recorded videos of us during the sex. He sent me one video via Snapchat and then told me he has another with both of our faces. I didn't see this supposed second video because he didn't send it to me. I begged him to come to my car and delete both videos in front of me but he refused and told me I'd have to pay him to do so. He said he wanted $50 and these pair of expensive shoes. I didn't do any of that and told him I don't have any money to give him. Then he told me to just go home and I did.
I'm sorry if I'm being all over the place with this. So I went home and called a friend and she told me to call police. But I am afraid of so many things. I brought him blunt wraps and alcohol and he's only 19. He offered me money to be his sugar baby or whatever but I don't think I ever actually wrote to him that I wanted to take the money. After the sex, he told me to wait in the car and that he was gonna get $500 for me. All I said was "You're giving me $500?!" And he said "yeah, $500 weekly." And I replied "How often would I have to come over?" And he said "two or three times weekly." Anyway, I didn't really have any kind of plan to take that money or meet him for that purpose. I just wanted to hang out. He actually borrowed $40 from me and that's what I was actually waiting for in my car. And while waiting, that's when he started saying he'd give me all that extra money. But he's a complete con man. He came back out to my car and wanted me to open a Cash App and send him money so he can buy these expensive shoes and that he would hand me the cash because he doesn't have a bank account. I said no because I don't have money to send him but mostly I was not comfortable with that. And that's when he went back inside and started mentioning the stuff about the videos.
He also mentioned that he records women for OnlyFans. I looked up his number on Facebook and saw some groups related to OnlyFans and sexual stuff. I'm worried that he'll post my videos online. In the messages, he states that he's not blackmailing me and that what he's doing is legal. He also said he wouldn't post anything. After our conversation, he blocked me on Snapchat so I couldn't screenshot his selfies and lost all the messages between us. I do have screenshots of our conversation regarding the videos and how he wants money for them to be deleted and I also saved one of the videos to my phone. I'm worried because one of the screenshots mentions me asking if he wants to drink. When I got home, he messaged me on the dating site and promised that he deleted them. I don't believe him now because I know he's a complete liar and I'm worried about what he'll do. I'm also thinking that he's lying about the second video with both of our faces in it. He was recording with his phone and I'm pretty sure I didn't see a phone in my face. If there was some of my face in it, I think it would be from an angle and it wouldn't be so clear. So I think he's lying just to get the money and shoes and all that.
The only information I have regarding him is his first name I believe, how old he is, his birth month possibly, and two or three addresses for people that know him, a specific tattoo on his right arm, and the fact that he is on probation for some reason.
Also, I heard him talking to his probation officer supposedly that he has his driving permit. That makes me worry. Why would a 19-year-old have a permit and not a full license? Like is he underage and lying that he's an adult? I saw his ID and it said he was born in 2001 but seeing how he is, everything could be fake. The age of consent in Michigan is 16 but still. I don't want to get in trouble for someone lying to me about their age.
Long story short, I'm considering calling the Detroit Police's non-emergency number because the situation occurred in Detroit even though I live in a different city. I'm just so afraid that I'll get in trouble for the blunt wraps and alcohol. Or be called a prostitute even though I didn't take any money and only wanted the $40 he took from me. He also used some of that money to go meet up with someone and buy weed, so I don't want to be accused of giving him money for drugs. I'm also worried he could be lying about his age and I'll get in trouble for that. I'm also worried that police won't be able to do much and that I'll have to get a lawyer. I don't have any money for a lawyer and I'm so afraid of everything that could happen.
In addition before the sex, I drove us back to my house and I went in to use the bathroom and stuff while he waited in the car. I never sent him my address but now he may remember where I live. I've afraid he might hurt my parents or me for going to the police.
I'm sorry for all the rambling and my annoying way of writing. But please, someone give me advice. He didn't threaten to post them, but he did say he's not deleting anything in front of me without getting paid or gifted. This is why I'm worried the police won't take it seriously as extortion or anything because he clearly states that the videos won't be posted.
I want to speak to a lawyer but I don't have the money for it. I just wanna know that I'm protected in case the police want to look at all the other details and charge me for it.
I just want the police to be able to get a warrant for all his devices and delete whatever he has of me. And possibly charge him with a crime. He's on probation supposedly so I think that might help the police find him if they do decide to help me. There is also the big chance that he's lying about there being a second video with my face in it and that's what I'm hoping is true.
And please, I know I was stupid in this entire situation. I regret ever meeting him. I feel so afraid of the world now. I don't feel secure anymore. I had plans of eventually moving out of state and meeting people but now I just want to stay at home with my parents and never leave.
Also, if any lawyers could also comment, I would really appreciate it. If anyone could direct me to any free legal services in Michigan that could help me in this situation, that would be great.
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2020.08.25 15:59 MansA24Augl Awa-kening S-ex Be-st Ga-me T-he
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