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2018.07.17 02:45 DejaElectra Personal sex cam
2014.12.18 20:02 VenomKnight9977 Personal sex cam
2020.10.19 09:12 okmo9 Personal sex cam
Nowadays pornography is everywhere and every second people watching anywhere from the world. Porno helps people to release from depression but not below 18 years kid should watch pornography. Nowadays it's easier to watch porn because now all pornos are available in online even there also have live sex cam, which mean someone can see live sex through the internet.
There are more than a thousand porno sites available on the internet, some are free and some are paid. Well, as far as I know all porno sites have premium platforms. If anyone purchases a premium subscription they will have a better collection than free mode.
Now the topic is is really pornography worth money?
Well, From my mind it's worthy, because of pornography cost a lot their have pornstars, cameraman, productions or more and these all costly like making a short film. In a pornography people can see and enjoy which is not allow until married. So it makes sense to worth money.
If you see from the other side you will see that a premium subscription user has a better playlist than a free user. Here is some advantage:
Quality: A premium subscriber will get the best quality like 4k porno videos and these are not available in free mode so the premium user will be the best quality of platform.
Special scene: In a free mode the user won't get all pornstar videos available but the premium subscriber will get the best scene of available pornstars.
Full videos: They will have full scene videos of a porno videos and can watch every category of porno.
Customer support: A premium user will get 24/7 customer support and I think it's worth money.
Everyone has a personal opinion and all opinions can't be the same. I just share mine. Thanks.
submitted by okmo9 to u/okmo9 [link] [comments]
2020.10.17 18:36 arniesk Personal sex cam
After talking to matches and responding to personal ads over the past two years, I have worked out some useful translations...
"Don't waste my time.", "Sugar baby", $$ emoji in profile.All of these kind of posts have been sugar posts. Wanting financial support to enter and sustain a relationship. Some of them also offer sex for hire.
"Looking for a casual encounter"So far, everyone of these is selling... pics, onlyfans, camming, etc.
"Want to find someone online only for exchanging dirty pics/video"Camming advertisement, obviously.
"I don't check this often, find me at"Then they have snap or insta link. Sometimes a masked phone number. Always a scammer. Normal people might actually want to chat for a few minutes. They don't want a phone call from hundreds of horny guys, for certain.
"Cashapp me at ..." "Venmo me at..." for a surpriseAt least it's obvious what they want!
2020.10.16 06:42 PANIC-ateverything Personal sex cam
I have no idea what sub to post this in but i just??
i’ve never had a relationship. It’s not like i’m unattractive, i’m apparently very good at getting laid. that’s all well and good, but i just crave that deeper connection that comes with a relationship.
i’ve tried pursuing relationships with people younger than me and older than me (19-42), people i genuinely like, and people i’d not normally be attracted to, and it all ends with “i just don’t see this going further because of xyz” or “i’m turned off by things you’ve done.” or “i’m just not in a place to be in a relationship.”
i’m brutally honest about my past (70+ partners, ex cam girl, former homewrecker, rape survivor, depression/anxiety/adhd, shitty parents) and i’m SURE that’s a turn off, but i’m just not interested in pursuing a relationship with someone who isn’t down with/willing to deal any of these things, and i don’t want to hide them. these things are my past and/or things i’m dealing with and if that’s scary then like idk what to tell you?
i’m just frustrated. everyone always says “~you’ll find it when you’re not looking for it~” but i’m tired of being lackadaisical and aloof in hopes some guy might accidentally fall in love with me.
i’m also tired of being a willing hole for guys to stick their dick in. the attention i get from that doesn’t fill the void. like sure, sex is great!! but i want to have it with one person, many times, rather than with many people.
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2020.10.15 18:53 filledfille Personal sex cam
Tl:DR - I'm half of a Poly couple who haven't been able to open up for a long time. My partner started a flirtation with someone else recently, and I am deeply uncomfortable with how quickly things were progressing and worried for both my and my partner's emotional safety.
When I (F, 26, UK but American) started my current relationship almost seven years ago, I was happily poly. I had a very long-term girlfriend as well as my (still) boyfriend (M, 26, UK). My girlfriend had to move back to her home country due to a health condition, and we broke up so that she'd find it easier to date there. We still have a close relationship, but we're more like chosen family now than being girlfriends.
My boyfriend is a busy man with a very demanding job where his reputation matters for his career progression. We've had to move around the country several times due to his job, and I have chosen to put my career and further education to the side in order to support him. As a consequence, we've been a bit isolated since before Covid and we haven't really explored outside of each other for around four years.
In theory, we should be good at poly. We're both open about crushes and attraction. I've learned to not feel insecure about those. Still, I struggle to trust him to be fully honest. I know that he used to downplay his crushes so that I wouldn't feel insecure. I think I've managed to explain that I'd rather he be honest so I can feel what I'm going to feel and get over the insecurity, but it's hard to know if he understood. He is very kind, but his kindness sometimes leads him to do the wrong thing.
Recently, he has been flirting online with a cute American he met in a discord D&D role playing game. (I was also invited to this game but declined due to not wanting to be around some of the other participants who are known creeps.) Anyway, she's admitted that she has a crush on him. She's solo poly and aromantic. I initially assumed she probably just wanted to cyber or cam or something, which is no big deal. I was actually super excited for him, since he's been feeling lonely recently. Also, knowing him, he'd definitely tell me about the fun cyber times he'd have. It would be hot, and just harmless fun.
However, I feel like there is some dishonesty going on. Over the last week or so, he's been doing an awful lot of emotional labor for her. He spends every waking hour messaging her, even when he's at work. She's started asking him very personal questions about where we live and gushing about how much she loves the UK and misses it here (she spent a few months in the country as a kid). She added him on Facebook even though I was sure this would just be a fun discord thing, and she's sending him voice messages at all hours. The language used seems very courtshippy too, though I could just be projecting there. She's talking about how she trusts him to read her writing and trusts him with her kinks, and all sorts of other things... I know NRE is a powerful drug, but come on. This is very quick considering that they've only known each other for a month tops.
I'm concerned that when it fizzles, there'll only be a messy emotional situation left. She may be aromantic, but he absolutely is not. He's very emotionally driven, quick to fall in love, and it's easy for people to take advantage of him. He tries to put a straight face on it, but love and sex are not as easy for him to separate as they are for many people.
And, of course, I'm feeling insecure too, in a way I haven't before. A month ago, I was planning to propose to him. I've given up a lot for this guy. I've poured all my time and money into keeping him comfortable so that he can do his job. I'm athletic, well-educated, and good-looking, and we have decently matched sex drives and life values... I don't feel competitive towards her exactly. It's more that I'm painfully aware that I'm not the hot new thing. I firmly believe that no one person can be everything for someone else, there's always going to be some curiosity or some need that is left unmet.
I also think this gal is getting way too ahead of herself, and the fact that they haven't discussed any sort of relationship boundaries is really freaking me out. When I tried to talk to my partner about it, he made very reasonable noises, but I left the conversation feeling like I had somehow agreed to something I'm not comfortable with.
I don't know. Maybe I just need to wait and hope I'll naturally get over this. It's just frustrating. I wish I didn't care. I wish they were just cybering for fun, as I believed was the plan. Maybe I'm not poly. Maybe I'm just sexually open. And maybe I'm a selfish asshole.
***UPDATE My partner got home from work while I was still mulling over a lot of this. He could tell I was deep in some type of stew, so I showed him this post to sum it up.
He was very understanding, despite how melodramatic my post is. We talked for hours. He explained a lot of things to me that I hadn't fully understood before, and he listened when I talked about my concerns for his emotions, finally acknowledging that yes, he is a romantic person and that it would be a struggle.
He also reminded me of a time four years ago when a friend of his who wasn't friendly to me expressed a romantic interest in him and how I scuppered that situation by expressing my discomfort at the idea of him having a partner who wasn't friendly to me. When I said that, she declared they couldn't be friends any more and broke their friendship. My partner suffered greatly from losing this friend, and I felt terrible about it.
This reminder really drove home to me that my insecurity in this new case wasn't sexual or a worry of being "replaced", it was more that the girl he's flirting with has no interest in being friends with me, which I find insulting and uncomfortable. I'm still not sure why I feel that way, I'll have to think it over.
I will try to remind myself that if it makes me uncomfortable, that's my shit to deal with. If she isn't interested in being friends, that's her choice and I have to try to respect it. If I still can't deal with it after lot of reflection or my potential meta actually starts behaving in a hostile manner, at that point I may have to have a boundaries discussion with my partner. For now, at least, I should give her a chance to be neutral.
I also will try to accept that I can't know everything. I may want to, because I'm a nosy pervert and find sharing him kind of hot to be honest, but that's not really my business.
I will be looking into increasing my independent activities. Covid has put a damper on many of my usual hobbies, but maybe I can find a different hobby to entertain me.
My partner also wants me to join into a different tabletop role playing game both he and her are involved in... I'm not sure that would be a good idea right now, but I'll think about it.
Thanks for all the sound advice. These bad feelings will probably ebb and flow, but really, I'm lucky that I have a chance to ease myself into the role of potentially being the other end of a V in a relatively relaxed situation that doesn't have any additional complications yet.
submitted by filledfille to polyamory [link] [comments]
2020.10.10 18:21 notbylies Personal sex cam
So not the end of the world but I joined an online recovery meeting (not subject matter specific) today and lo and behold, first there’s one attractive 40s woman on cam (kind of a weakness) and that started me having some thoughts. Imagining whether she would find me attractive. Fantasizing about her being into me. I looked up her profile on the affiliated site and she is an alcoholic awaiting a liver transplant. That helped see her as a human being again and not a sex object.
But THEN another woman appeared to be toweling off (after a shower - hair wet and shoulders bare) and as she walked off screen I could see her breasts down to her nipples. Majorly triggering. I HOPE this was inadvertent and imagine she’d be mortified. I messaged the moderator privately and asked her to turn that person’s camera off which she did. But damn if it didn’t make it feel a lot more difficult to not be fantasizing (which typically leads to porn for me) in the minutes after the meeting. I then started looking up hot chicks I know on Instagram and found deleted porn screenshots on my phone....staying strong over here (trying to!) but damn that was not helpful.
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2020.10.06 02:19 ThroughItAllThrow I'm a bad person now. And I'm ok with it. [Help processing appreciated]
I think I'm sharing this, and reaching out to y'all because I only really feel when I talk/ think about all the abuse and everything that's happened. I only feel vulnerable, and vulnerability related emotions- sadness, rage- but still.
Right so, so many things have happened this year, and I've become a completely different person. I've hardened.... a lot. The following is to detail everything that happened in such a drastic change in character- to give you guys an idea, I guess?
I realized almost a year ago what an absolute cunt my mother was to me, and that even my own *attempt* would not sway her from her need for me to fill a certain role for her.
When I was in the hospital, all her visits were how she felt, and how I should stop feeling the way I did about being labeled The Bitch and having it reinforced constantly by her, because it made things too hard for her.
When she picked me up I talked to her, but the first words out of her mouth were that she was mad that I'd made a scene at dinner. "You humiliated me!" (Thanksgiving was the special night of the attempt.)
I gave her 2 more chances, and she blew through them quicker than a chainsmoker with a single pack of cigarettes.
I then distanced myself from her, and was able to keep to my room LIKE EVERYONE ELSE IN THAT DAMN HOUSE (I had just never done it before) for a month, before she punished me for it. She gave me 6 times the work of my brothers who are rude and disrespectful on purpose. One of whom threatened my youngest brother with guns for the crime of telling him not to mess up the nice pillows we'd inherited from our deceased grandparents.
Part of the 6x was her mandate that on paper read (you will treat me with respect), but which she said aloud by telling me that I was no longer allowed to leave the room if she was in it, and I had to engage in conversations whenever she wanted me to. She had this smug little smile whenever she felt she'd "won" against me, and oh boy did she have it when I got out that piece of paper to point out what she'd said, and found nothing of the sort.
When I confronted her on it a week later, as the stress of the drastically unfair treatment was really fucking with me (seriously, I felt like a slave to the whims of her emotions at that point; I had no less than 2 break-downs in the local grocery store, and was pulled over for driving around the parking lot in a circle so that I could calm myself enough to sleep) I mentioned that the whole thing was punitive. Mind you they'd (stepdad loves to do anything to hurt me) presented it as payment for staying in the house that long, which my brothers did with extreme disrespect.
But the list of chores and duties (mind you, I did tell her I agreed there should be more for me to do, even in the situation I'll detail in a bit) blatantly demanded things that were never chores to begin with, and just things I did to be nice. In fact at one point I wanted one of these to be my chore, and was told outright that it was not a chore and would never be one. That "'chore" was making dinner for the family.
The absurdity of her transparency even when they first presented it- I was about to make salmon. My parents by units of 2 lbs of salmon at a time, so that's what I had to thaw. Obviously I wouldn't eat it alone. I asked them if the salmon I'd been in the process of making would count as one of the dinners for the week. And I shit you not, her reply was, "I don't know; are you making it for the family?"
Clearly it was my motivations for my actions and not the actual actions that counted- with CHORES. Did you want to do the dishes at home? Of course you didn't. But you did them. If this is a chore, it shouldn't matter why I did it, as long as it was done.
At one point during the following week, I was sat in the living room- staying there only because I had not been given permission to leave. When I asked her if I could leave the room, she looked confused as to why I was asking. But friends, I will tell you now that I know this reaction of old as I myself have exhibited it. It wasn't 'til months after I left that I was forced by mown research to admit it- but I had been my brother's abuser for some time. (And yes, I do regret it but it's a completely different story for another time.) So when I say that I know that her reaction was an abuser's reaction of, "What do you mean my actions were bad? I'm confused that you would follow them to the letter, and reveal how bad they are in the process. That's not me, don't put that on me. I'm good!"
When I sat my mother down, at the end of the week, and tried to talk to her, I told her this was punitive. Her exact words: "It wasn't punitive, I just felt like you hated me!" She was denying punishing me for what she thought she was being accused, and in the process fessed up to exactly what I was calling her out on.
She gave up on her hold of Mega Chore List, and the next couple months the fights I had begged her to stop started breaking out again. Only this time I was aware. This time could not be gaslit. Because I had learned what she wanted too thoroughly- someone to start fights with and always take the blame, and for her to always be able to believe she was loved by everyone (me in particular). I later learned she's what's called a codependent parent, and she was forcing me to take the place of her abusive mother, so that she could relive it and be granted the victimhood she so desperately craved as a child.
Alright, so the next couple of months I spend planning to get away. Most nights when I went to bed, I would look around the room and plan what I would take (I was trying to get a job elsewhere with Americorps) if I got the opportunity to leave safely. But one problem that existed now was that my anxiety had skyrocketed so drastically, that I tanked absolutely every interview including phone interviews (which had been absolute cake beforehand).
The Monday before the primaries (US) I went out with a friend, and we were swapping stories. She ended up telling me that she couldn't take hearing so much dark stuff, and I was extremely confused. This was the light stuff! how could it be too much?
This was when I learned that abuse in families is actually NOT NORMAL. If you've ever seen that scene in a movie where the character learns information that fucks their whole world up, and you get a bunch of zoomed-in shaky cam, that was me. And that was what it felt like.
The next night I came home from voting and I saw the bottle of brandy on the counter. I'd seen my stepdad sleeping on the couch the night before, which had never happened the entire time they'd been together. But my mother's go-to if she was supremely stressed and pissed was whiskey. And somehow this felt like a step up. My mother wasn't exactly a regular drinker.
I just knocked on her door to check on her, and ask about it so she could feel someone cared. I didn't actually want to know, and I knew she'd tell me "none of your business," which she did. But I could smell the overwhelming reek of alcohol clear across the room.
I went to talk to my brother. (Yes, that brother). When he said "No" which just meant he wasn't open to talking right now, I did text him. Mostly because this was actually important stuff happening. He was also pretty blind to anything going on around him, so he didn't know when I told him. He ended up saying some stuff to me, and we ended up getting into it in person. I do remember being surprised that I actually sounded calm, though. I'll add that I was personally worried as with our own father, I was the only one who remembered an immensely traumatic night, and I was already worried about a trigger.
Cue my mother coming out of her room to start shit. She asked "What's going on?" in a relatively confrontation tone. Twice she asked, and twice I responded with "It's nothing. Don't worry about it." Which only sends her away if she wants to be sent away. But here every time I said it, she jerked her head up in the ever-known motion of, You wanna go, fucker?
Maybe you're thinking, "She was trying to help your brother!" My mother didn't give to shits about my brother. She heard my voice and wanted a fight so she could be the definitive victim. And I would be obligated to apologize, furthering her own catharsis.
So what ended up happening was me trying to explain what was going on. I wasn't able to get one single sentence out. Every time I tried to explain, she'd barrage me with parroted statements (codependent parent thing) in a severely mocking tone. The "fight" if you can call it that, was maybe 15 seconds in when I was doubled over against the wall, tearing up, and begging her to stop. Then I was on the floor. On my face and knees, hands over my ears, sobbing and unable to move.
You ever notice how some people can't stand when your reaction reflects their bad behavior? Yeah, my mother decided to scream at me a couple times apiece, "SHUT TH FUCK UP!" and "CUT IT THE FUCK OUT!" Slamming in and out, in and out, in and out of her room The door of the room was maybe an inch from my head. But everything was starting to become so far away, and all right there at once that I really didn't notice until literally just now. But I can hear echoed any time I think of it, her flat out scream of frustration.
And with utter clarity the thought appeared in my mind. Certain. Completely undeniable. If I stay, I'll be in dead within 3 months. And no, not by their hand.
It's worth noting that the state of Texas went into lockdown a week and a half later.
Anyway, I inched my hands down, made a couple calls, and my suitcase was packed.
The person I stayed with that night came to pick me up, and I don't think I'll ever forget, as I had my hand on the doorknob, I looked back (I didn't really want to be seen), nd my mother was there giving me a look of Yeah, you better run. I might say later in this post that I an no longer see my mother's face in my memories, or hear her voice. So it's worth noting that when I remember it, it's a partial pieced-together snapshot only constructed from the memory of what the look conveyed, how crazed she was, and how it made me feel.
Aight so now the rest.
The next day I wound up with some hella cascading failures, and on my way to work I had... some kind of episode. No psych I talked to could tell me what that was, only that it was very clearly trauma-induced. Anyway, I ended up driving I think about 230 miles out of my way on my way to work, because I recognized the route to the college I went to.
Then the next day, I was hospitalized against my will, despite the fact that I was completely coherent and a danger to no one. But I had mentioned being suicidal the day before, so... yeah. That was awful. I'd been hospitalized before, but the doctor I saw here decided, upon learning that I actually had insurance despite telling him I didn't have the money to pay it, changed his mind about releasing me. I made known I had plans then to go to an abuse shelter I'd contacted and been accepted by, but fun facts......
When I was finally let out, I was just 2 days on the wrong side of lockdown. Now the rules were, "No one in or out," or they were being "very selective."
I spent so much of that day calling places, but all were following those guidelines. I went through my whole story more than once- even after telling them explicitly that I did not want to go into it if they already knew there was no place for me. Re-traumatization Central.
Then I had to call that a day. And I spent the rest of my time that evening reaching out to people I knew. After all, everyone was freaking out about the virus, and posting it everywhere. They werer acknowledging the deadliness of the situation. But no matter how frantically they told everyone to "wash your hands for 20 seconds!" or "Keep 6 feet distance!" or "Stay inside for god's sake! It's not safe to go out!" Those same fingers typed messages of "That's just so inconvenient! It's not fair of you to ask!" or "It's not really a god time for us right now!"
The most absurd things were the messages that immediately followed. "Keep in touch!" "You're in our thoughts!"
Want to take a guess at what happened when I did send a message to 'keep in touch?'
That night I slept in the back seat of my car, at the end of a Walmart parking lot.
The next morning I reached out to my friend, and ended up staying with a girl my friends knew in college. She never liked me. The plan was to circulate me between her, my ex-friend, and her mother while I looked for a job. When I amazingly wasn't able to find a job within 3 weeks, in the middle of a pandemic, during lockdown, they decided to put me up in an AirBnB, saying they thought I could use some time to myself, and my own space. And personally I welcomed the chance to get away from this girl. She was a full on psychopath. (Seriously, there's a guy somewhere working for a BWW, who needs to get out of his job now, cause she'd told me stories of how she and the head manager screwed him over by making him use up every possible day he could take off, when he had the audacity to take the time to get tested with newborn at home. They felt slighted because he made them short-staffed in the name of his baby's health.) She also had a big hard-on for power-playing with important parts of people's lives. And she stayed up 'til all hours of the night (longer when I emphasized I needed a regular sleep schedule), making sure to take up the space where I slept.
But actually the plan was to dump me after that. Only no one told me about that at all. And I was left to figure it out myself. When I confronted the ex friend, she blamed me for her decision. She told me I was ungrateful because, "I just spent all my money on you!" when she was actually spending the money to ditch me, and play the victim. She even lied to, and embezzled from a then-friend of mine too. She left me with what in her mind I'm sure were the words of the sage Guide, leaving the student to lead their life, "Whatever happens next is up to you." in a pandemic in lockdown. That bitch even said she'd looked into homeless shelters and abuse shelters (presumably to dump me) and they were all full, so she knew what she was doing. She just spent a lot of money to convince herself I was the bad guy
Then I stayed at the home of a poly friend's boyfriend's apartment. At the beginning I asked him what money he needed from me, so I could set it aside (from my credit card, mind you). He told me, but after I'd invested some money in settling in just a bit, he sprung demands on me for what amounted to my entire paycheck. He openly laughed at my problems, told me he couldn't have told me sooner because "I just decided it today." I reached out to the friend, because WTF? And she wouldn't listen to a word.
When I ended up leaving, I was texting her and she revealed she had never had any respect for me, and cited the "All My Exes Are Crazy" rule. Because growing up in abuse doesn't lead to unhealthy relationships at all. So basically called me a liar about my family, and the people who sprung the fact that they were dumping me by pretty much leaving it for me to figure out.
And here I had to call a friend (the one the ex-friend embezzeled from). I had been talking with her the entire time, but figured if she was cool with me being at her place, she'd reach out. I asked her, she talked to her boyfriend, and they agreed I could stay there.
Here's where I know I definitely entered the wrong... right after I lost the ability to care.
See turns out this friend was actually supremely toxic, and I guess I'd just never noticed. I was only there a couple of days when she said- honest to god as if testing the waters- "You know, the way you talk about your parents, I can see a lot of that in you." Y'all, I was not even talking about anything serious. She really said it just to see if she could get away with it.
Over time more of these things came out of her mouth for no reason other than to be hurtful. I learned that my friend chose to go for the kill the second a disagreement started. Not to mention how many times we would be arguing (not adamantly, but still) and I would tell her I didn't want to continue, as it had now become pointless. Neither of us would convince the other. But she refused to let me out of it, refused to let me walk away. These were not important arguments.
But she couldn't understand not winning. It was during one of these things that she said something. I actually don't remember what she said, but what my eyes did. A slight widening, immediate narrow and shift to the right. And then it was done. I no longer cared about her even a little. Didn't hate her, just... didn't care. The emotions on her had flipped off for good.
Now, I was there for a couple months, and I learned a few weeks in that I wasn't going to be able to work right then, because the PTSD (finally diagnosed) was in a full and raging swing. I couldn't function. I had blackouts, dissociation, and every time I went to the store I had an emotional flashback. I was trying to stabilize, but anxiety/ panic attacks were terrifyingly quick to sneak up on me.
I knew this. I told her, so she knew this. And later I was told it was my job to tell her boyfriend- despite her actively fielding all communication. I thought. Turns out she really wanted to make sure I felt beholden to her, by emphasizing how much her boyfriend didn't want me there, and how often he complained about it.
She knew I couldn't function. And I knew it was coming. So I started planning where I could go next. I'd been doing research for just a bit, when they sat me down.
If I was going to stay there, I needed to start pitching in financially. Fair. I couldn't get a job or function, but still fair all the same. He told me what he'd wanted me to pay and how it would escalate for the next 2 months and after they renewed their lease. And I really tried to make some strong eye contact with my "friend," because I knew 4 things her boyfriend didn't.
1) She'd been planning to leave him since February (we were at the beginning of July).
2) She'd been seeing another guy behind his back.
3) All the nasty, vile things she said about him behind his back. (Her favorite was "He's a little boy, and I need a man.")
And the big one:
4) She was leaving him when their lease was up in September.
For her to expect me to invest in a train headed for a cliff was absolutely absurd. He just accused me of trying to pressure her.
I asked them when I would have to be gone by. The implication was lost on them. "We wouldn't expect you to pay it right away."
Again. "Wellllll, you'd just have to have the money by the end of July."
I wasn't gonna spell it out for them.
Aight, so before I continue I do have to note that when I got to my friend's place- as absurd as it may sound- I didn't know I was an adult. A good majority of the time, I had this feeling of, "'I'm just a kid! Why won't anyone help me!" I was 25. But as weird as it is, I really didn't know.
But now I was faced with choices. Now I was making decisions about my own life. So it was starting to click together and the cogs were starting to turn (albeit with a bit of rust).
Now one of my friend and I's tiny arguments had been in regard to theme parks she wanted to visit this summer. I tried to explain to her why it was a bad idea, but ultimately she wouldn't listen. Something to note about this is I did know her. I knew she didn't like a big deal made over nothing. And I had told her during this that if she went, I would have to wear a mask and gloves around the house for a few weeks, and that I would be actively spraying surfaces with Lysol or the like.
I didn't hear anything after that.
Now, 4th of July weekend comes and she tells me that her boyfriend always gets their anniversary mixed up, so they might do something that weekend. Friday afternoon they both took the dog and flat out disappeared. Knowing how much she hated her boyfriend, and how she told me sex with him was always painful now, I actually got pretty worried that he might force her, or she'd feel pressured. But I couldn't do anything about it.
Late Saturday night I logged on to Facebook and read my friend's post:
"Riding the Hagrid! Best 4th of July ever!" -At Wizarding World of Harry Potter.
I had been planning to leave mid-month. And as shitty as it was, I was planning to leave without saying goodbye because I had no interest in farewells with her, and hadn't for some time.
But now, it was a hell no! scenario. I would NOT catch COVID because they decided to ride the Rona Roaster.
A couple days after they'd sat me down, I asked my friend if she wanted to talk about which things were mine and which were hers, as I had arrived with many of my own bowls and plates, and we shopped at the same big box store. It used to be a thing that we 'd go every time we hung out.
She immediately told me that I knew which things were hers, and began to claim more than actually was hers. They had stoneware bowls and plates that I knew weren't mine, but going for the kill on plastic? And I knew by the way she started in that this was just another win she wanted, and that she was completely detached from the real-world implications it would have for me. Ok, fine, fuck her. I'll take what I can best reason is mine.
But now they had left me with no idea they may be bringing Ms. Rona home with them. I immediately began packing to leave.
And here's where I will lose many of you: I committed the crime no one can stand. Everybody gets angry, and feels it is the Absolute Worst.
I stole. From them. Their offer? More than fair. Their letting me stay there? Very helpful.
It might help if you know that I went by a bit of a code as I did it: take nothing of emotional or monetary value, take nothing that will impede their ability to live, take nothing that will harm their ability to survive.
They had two guest bedrooms, and I'd been staying in one, which had 2 sheet sets to itself. And since before the conversation, I'd been planning on taking the blanket and a pillow, because if I found myself homeless come winter (keep in mind this is still homelessness, and that I was aware of enough), a blanket would help stave off the cold. But then, that was all.
But then this happened. I did take what plastic bowls, cups, and plates I could reason were mine. Along with my spoons, knife, and cookware (only what were mine- the only exception I think was a fork).
Thinking about it, their drinking water was absolutely fine and I had been drinking it the whole time with no problems. When you're homeless, water is king. I took all bottled water.
I took my tupperware, and substituted theirs where mine was in use (everybody said I had the fancy tupperware, anyway). I took the ramen. They told me that's what I could eat anyway, and they never touched it. When I took the sodas I was being a bit petty, but mostly I was in a hurry. And I'd need caffeine. I took the coffee (they didn't drink it, I did). A couple of old throws to help keep things like my coffeepot (yes, my coffeepot) from breaking. I think I took an old folding chair that they'd forgotten about, and I think the multivitamins her boyfriend never took, because in a pinch they could help me.
Please keep in mind this is not the watered-down version. I am having trouble, but I'm making myself say all because I am asking for some help.
Point about this is, a lot of it is useful if you're on the streets. And I did not know what my future would be. I left the key in its hiding spot.
And I left.
Friend's reaction, as could kind of be predicted was to go for there gullet. I caught wind she had immediately told my abusers where I'd been.
I didn't even care honestly. But I really thought her reaction was such a dumb move, that I did decide in that moment tit for tat.
I told her boyfriend the above numbered. I don't know what happened after that. Though I did end up reporting them to the ASPCA for their abuse of their dog. Seriously, she was just over a year old and they kept her in a crate too small for a dog her size, all day and all night, only letting her out in the morning and evening as it suited them. I felt really sorry for her when the boyfriend went to bed, and I walked in just a bit later and she was non-stop whimpering. After finally remembering the hernia they never bothered to take care of, and found her sitting in a glob of her own shit. They had rules about letting her out, and I wanted to leave the dog to deal, but I just.... couldn't.
As quiet as I could I remember letting her out for a bit, and cleaning up her cage thoroughly, before putting her back in. She quieted down after that. My friend wanted to chalk it up to attention-seeking, until I told her.
Why do I mention this? To virtue-signal? .... Not quite. To make myself feel better? Probably a little. Ultimately this was actually a shade of gray for me. I had person after person rejecting me when I was terrified and alone, and then so many turned to take in animals. After that I started calling pets, Emergency Meat.
And yet, while I am not starving to death, I treat animals with compassion.
I had a whole narrative and now I fucked it up. Anyway,
I've noticed people need only argue with me a certain way, need only talk to me a certain way, and all feeling immediately shuts off toward them. I've yet to see it turn back on.
And then I discard them. No matter what they've done for me, I discard them. Their feeling, their identities no longer matter to me. I had a friend do way more than what she did. This friend really helped me out, was extremely concerned with my safety and well-being. But when he started defending his notion that any time I say anything, I was inviting criticism- when he doubled-down again and again- when he interrupted me several times to answer points he thought I was making (and he was wrong), and then when he did so while adopting a mocking, sneering tone.... I just couldn't anymore. The way he was arguing was all too familiar.
But the thing is with him? It shut down on incident one. Only reason allowed him more time to make his case.
And I know that switch will flip for absolutely anyone.
And something else that I didn't admit to myself until today?
I stole from that now former friend for 2 reasons (at least as far as I can see it today):
The First: She was the first to flip that switch off for good, and so cease to matter.
The Second: Because I wanted to.
And I don't know what to do with this. Because sometimes- like now- all I have is Reason to say, "This isn't right."
And the fact that the only reason I'm taking it into consideration- not even bothered by it, is that it removes a path for my future from me (which was heavily involved in doing good)....
.... Only allows me to understand that I should be scared about this.
Because honestly, I feel sorely lacking in humanity. I feel cold, but decisive and confident. I feel like when I speak to people and become animated, it's just an old Robot Me making the motions it's used to.
So... anyone know what the fuck is going on?
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2020.10.04 21:30 OwnPlant Personal sex cam
| A former Democrat candidate for Massachusetts State Representative has been caught on camera by a group of pedophile hunters attempting to meet up with a 14-year-old boy for sex.|
Matt Trowbridge, who currently works for a nursing home, was busted by an activist group called Predator Poachers of Massachusetts trying to meet a child for sex through the app Grindr. The group does “To Catch A Predator” style stings and posts them on YouTube.
Trowbridge ran for office in 2009, before dropping out due to “personal matters” in 2010.
Trowbridge sent sexually explicit messages to the person that he believed to be a 14-year-old boy before going to their house to prey on them.
Video of him being caught on camera along with a chat feed: link
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2020.10.04 19:38 The-Pink-Panther Personal sex cam
I just want see what people are thinking and how everyone wants for the show to address it. First ones to come to mind are Jules and Cal. Jules meets Cal on an adult (gay) dating app. She also lies to him in person about her age and the two have consensual sex.... or so he thinks. Jules being underage made what Cal did statutory rape. However creating a false pretence for consent and learning of the deception after the fact is cause to negate the consent because it was based off of different information/circumstances. Cal consented to sex with an adult but was deceived into sex with a minor. Because he was deceived, is what Jules technically did assault? But also, because Jules is a minor does it matter and should he be charged with statutory? We can see in the carnival episode when he find out Jules real age he doesn't really know what to do. I think Jules actions need some form of reprimand for the damage that can cause to a person. Cal now has to struggle with the morality of having had sex with a minor even if it was unintentional and we see that distress he goes through. Second is Kat and her cam girl business. She is knowingly distributing child porn. She said it to one of the twins when her video was leaked before she started her business so it's something she is aware of but ignoring. If found out do you think she will be charged or there will be some other form of punishment? I just think this is an interesting topic to discuss because this show isn't the kind to try to glorify these behaviours. There will eventually be consequences. Tell me your thoughts and opinions.
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