Eventually, my sex addiction cost me both my family and my church family. The weight of my shame became unbearable, and I wanted to die. My story followed the typical progression of addiction to pornography: early exposure, addiction, escalation, desensitization and acting out sexually. True intimacy. You can’t heal what you hide. My Husband's Porn Addiction Destroyed Our Marriage. ... During the week that followed, the sting of my parents' accusations faded. They could say whatever they wanted, but obviously Joe was a ... While it may be many years, if ever, before society as a whole addresses the issues with pornography—even if porn addiction becomes a diagnostic category—parents and educational institutions ... In some cases, an addiction to pornography can be the result of a hormone imbalance that ramps up your sex drive. If you feel like your compulsion to use is totally unaffected by all the steps you have taken to recover, you could have an underlying problem that a doctor can help you diagnose. I brought my pornography addiction with me. I lived two lives, and my shame started to grow. I didn’t understand why I was powerless over this sexual darkness, so I hid that life at whatever cost. I took a year away from ministry to focus on restoration. It was a great year, but it didn’t help with my addiction. Even though the psychiatric community does not consider porn addiction to be a true addiction, it's important that you treat your compulsive consumption of porn as though it were an addiction. Dismissing compulsive porn viewing as "less of a problem" compared to other kinds of addiction can impede your recovery. “Pornography addiction” isn't an official diagnosis. But experiencing an uncontrollable compulsion to view porn can be as problematic as other behavioral addictions. Here's how to recognize ... Parents have a significant role both in the active drug use of their children and during the recovery process. Parents of drug users can do a great deal to help their children overcome the disease of addiction, but they can also do a lot of harm if they don’t make the right choices regarding their children. The way i quit was, I went to an inpatient program for alcohol abuse (I was also an alcoholic) at the clinic they also treat porn and sex addictions. After i completed the program I started going to S.A.A. meetings (Sex Addicts Anonymous) and have not watched porn for more than a year and now I have had a steady GF for 6 months which is a very ... Most parents will initially minimize the problem, hoping their son or daughter is simply “experimenting.” Experience has taught me that, in many cases, at least one of the parents will have faced similar struggles when he or she was younger. Today, however, Internet pornography is the fast ramp to sex addiction.
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One of my early memories as a kid is taking a bath as a 6 year old and having my dad reach for my penis and forcefully stroke it to pull its foreskin back. No, I wasn’t being abused, my backstory is not that fucked up. I had been diagnosed with phimosis, and the doctor recommended a somewhat rudimentary method to deal with it — in the US, circumcision is a common procedure, but we like to keep our hoods where I’m from. Sadly, that moment was probably the closest I have ever shared with my dad regarding my sexuality.
Fast forward seven years and I’m a 13 year old teenager watching TV with my parents. A travel show is on, and it’s set in Florence, Italy. As they venture into the Accademia Gallery Museum, the show’s voiceover shares some trivia facts about Michelangelo’s famous David. “Did you know that he was sculptured uncircumcised, despite being a Jew?”. The word rings a bell but I’m not sure what it is, so I throw out the question: “Circumcised, what’s that?”. I can see my parents stir nervously as they give me a brief answer. “Mm, it’s when they remove the foreskin of your penis, don’t you remember how we dealt with your phimosis as a kid?”. “Phimosis? That’s another word I don’t know”, I think to myself, but I hold on to that second question. Once I know the topic is sexual, I am more comfortable not continuing the conversation with my parents.
As soon as I get back to my room, I google for “circumcision” and “phimosis”. “Phimosis is a condition in which the foreskin can’t be retracted (pulled back) from around the tip of the penis”. “Oh shit, this is exactly what I have”. Whatever my parents achieved when I was a kid had reverted back to its original position, and I had not been pulling my foreskin back for years, unaware that was a problem at all. Now suddenly I realize I have this issue, and from what I’m reading it requires a medical procedure. Well fuck, surgery on my penis. How am I supposed to go about this? It sounds like the first step should be telling my parents, but there is nothing I fear more at this moment.
The awkwardness was too much to handle. I remember hanging out in the living room the following morning while my mom swept the floor around me. The most intense internal debate was happening within myself, trying to gather up the courage to open my mouth and say it. “Mom, remember that we talked yesterday about phimosis? Well, I actually still have it, I just wasn’t aware of it. I think I should get surgery”. I rehearsed these words over and over in my head as my mom wandered around. I made a huge effort to spit it out, but in the end the fear of talking about anything sexual with my parents was too big, and I watched in silence as my mom finished cleaning and headed out of the room. I never tried telling them again, and I keep my foreskin to this day.
My parents and I never had the classic talk about sex. As a teenager, I felt it as impending doom. I always thought my parents would address it sooner or later, because that seemed to be the way things worked. When I think about it, I reckon that presumption was based more on Hollywood and TV than on reality, because I don’t think most of my friends ever had the conversation either. Needless to say, back then it was something that I absolutely did not want to go through. The mere idea of it made me cringe. I guess my parents felt the same way, because the talk never happened and we all continued to live happily in avoidance.
Sex was never discussed at school either. Other than your basic lesson on the biology of genitals, I do not remember receiving any lecture on sexuality. That’s what you get for going to a religious school. Without guidance nor anything close to it, I, like many other kids my age, turned to the worst teacher possible: porn.
I started watching porn as an early teenager and soon developed an addictive behavior towards it. One day, as I opened the browser to watch some porn, I noticed that I could not navigate to any porn site, while normal sites would still load without any issues. Someone had installed a filtering application on the computer. My mom being absolutely technology illiterate, it was clearly the work of my dad. When the filter started getting in the way of actual, non-erotic websites, I reached out to him. “Dad, this filter that you installed is blocking me from a bunch of websites that do not even have adult content”. His reply? “I don’t know what filter you are talking about”. So that was the way it was. When confronted about it, my dad doubled down on his strategy of avoidance. I walked away quietly and eventually figured out how to remove the filtering software from my computer. He never mentioned anything about it nor reinstalled it.
Soon after, I found out where the whole filter thing had come from. One day I randomly noticed an icon on my taskbar that had been there for some time but I had never really paid attention to. When I googled the name of it, it turned out to be a piece of software that allows you to remotely log in to a computer and access its screen. Essentially, my dad was running software on my computer to spy on me as I used it. He must have seen me watching porn and decided he had to do something about it, hence the filter.
I felt betrayed, my privacy completely violated. I felt embarrassed and humiliated. How much had he seen? In my head, I went over all those awkward things I had been doing on the Internet: pretending I was a lesbian on chats, trying to persuade cam girls to strip naked for free, and, of course, hours and hours of watching porn. Had my dad been a witness to all of that? As you can imagine, I never asked him.
Lack of privacy was a constant when living with my parents. My room was never a private space. It wasn’t even fully mine. A third of the storage space was occupied by both my mom and my dad’s things, and they would often come in and out of it to grab stuff without even knocking on my door.
This naturally resulted in them catching me red-handed on multiple occasions. Fortunately, it was never too explicit, as I usually had just enough time to minimize my browser and take my hand out of my pants before they came in. It must have been quite obvious, nonetheless. What would you think if, as you walk into your teenage son’s room, you notice him jumping a little bit out of his desk chair in front of the computer, nervously clicking things away as he switches positions? Yeah, exactly. I guess they settled for not seeing me actually jerk off though, because they continued to do this forever, leaving me in a constant state of alert whenever I watched porn with them at home.
Porn was only one of many ways in which they bumped into my most private moments. When I was entering puberty, my sexual energy was off the roof. I would masturbate like a freaking chimpanzee, whenever and wherever I got the chance. My parents would show up as I was watching TV on the couch in the living room, jerking off under the blanket, the pounding movement in the crotch area suddenly coming to a stop as they walked in. At one point, I’m pretty sure that my mom discovered a very embarrassing erotic drawing that I made as she was going through my stuff to clean my room. And yet, they never acknowledged any of these incidents, not at the moment when they happened nor afterwards. Their response was always the same: silence.
I can only remember one instance where my parents talked sex to me, and it only came recently, in my mid-to-late twenties. After I revealed them I was in my first long-term relationship, my dad took the opportunity as soon as we had some time alone to tell me: “Hey son, now that you are in a committed relationship, you know what you have to do, right? Wear protection. I know you don’t like me talking about these things, but you guys have to be careful”. “A little too late for that” — I thought — “but I appreciate the effort, dad”.
I sometimes wonder what it was like for them during all those years. How aware were they of my habits? Did they have any idea I watched porn for so many hours? Did they ever discuss this among themselves? Were they worried about me? Did they ever consider reaching out to me?
I know my parents love me and their policy of silence was just the only way they knew how to handle the situation. I think I can understand where they come from. Currently in their early sixties, they obviously belong to a very different generation. It was a much more repressed society, particularly in small towns such as those where my parents grew up. Knowing my grandparents, I can only imagine that they never received any kind of sex education themselves. Religion tainted sex as something sinful and loaded with shame. These now-outdated views and the hateful dynamics that little towns often have, where everybody keeps track of your movements and talks behind your back, built a solid wall of secrecy around the topic of sex. My parents remained virgins until marriage and to this day are scarce in how they show affection to each other. They seem to have never gotten rid of the taboo mentality.
Certainly, sometimes this is just a façade, the image that you intentionally project to the outside. My parents do not necessarily have to be prude or repressed just because they seem so. I’m sure they’ve done stuff. I even “caught” my dad watching porn once —or rather, saw a porn site in his browser’s history as he typed something into the address bar— like father, like son. It would be nothing but a pleasant surprise to find out that my parents have always enjoyed a happy and active sex life in the privacy of their room. However, knowing them like I do, it is hard to conceive them having sex more than twice in their life: one to have my sister and one to have me.
Now I don’t want to fall into the trap of blaming my parents for all of my problems, because that would take away from me blaming society as well. All joking aside, I do take responsibility for my issues, but at the same time understand how it can be helpful to analyze some of the different factors that are involved in them. And what you learn about sex and intimacy as you grow up is necessarily one of those factors. How much a poor sex education influenced my problems with porn, I do not know, but I know this: it is my intention to work hard to break the cycle of ignorance and avoidance and educate my future children better about sex. And, in order to do that, I will start by educating myself, by overcoming my problems and reaching a healthy sex life that sets me as a good example for them. Only from that place will I be able to truly provide guidance, to give sound advice and information without being judgmental, and to respect my children’s privacy while allowing them to make their own decisions.
Who knows, maybe someday, when they look ready, I will even send them a link to this post.
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2020.09.18 11:14 House_of_Suns Live naked cams free
Ah, change. Don't we all love it? Don't we all hate it? Remember moving out of your parents house and into some dingy college dorm for the first time? Getting married and having children? How about being forced by a global pandemic to live inside for literal months?
Yep. Change can be good, like the kind you find in your couch cushions. But change can also be very, very bad, like the kind of change that Weezer went through, going from indie rock darlings to a meme-driven cover band. Side note: get your fucking shit together, Rivers Cuomo. Either way, change is often divisive - and this concept is core to understanding today’s band of the week.
There is constant pressure for an artist to evolve and change their sound, to develop and create something new. Any real songwriter knows that they can’t just slap a different label on the same can and sell it back to their audience without losing the respect of their peers...unless you happen to be AC/DC, who somehow made the same album 15 times with two different singers. The pop industry’s oversaturated mess of recycled garbage is never going to be admired by critics, even though pre-programmed FM radio and tweens seem to love it.
Our very own Queens of prehistory are the perfect example of how an artist can experiment and advance their sound from record to record. Every album builds on the last one and takes their sound in a new direction. This can be both amazing AND divisive, depending on your point of view.
Today, we will look at a band that did even more. These guys went through one of the most daring style changes in music history, and came out the other side completely unscathed. They’re a shining example of how to evolve, and how to not only change your sound, but to change the very concept of rock music.
You guessed it, today’s artist is none other than RADIOHEAD
You know how music makes you happy?
This is not that kind of music.
If you are looking for a pick-me-up, for that Walkin’ On Sunshine vibe to make you bop down the sidewalk, then you need to run far, far away from this band. It is not that their music is Soundgarden-dark or Alice In Chains-dark. It is not NIN-angry or RATM-angry. Radiohead sounds like someone compressed a rainy day, mixed in two gallons of melancholy, got a distillation of being dumped by your girlfriend, and then made you watch your puppy get run over...twice. It is sorrow and regret and woe and dejection all brewed in a cauldron of gloom.
And it punches you right in the fucking feels, every time.
The band is made up of brothers Jonny Greenwood (who rivals Keaunu Reeves with his ability to somehow not age) on guitar and keys, Colin Greenwood on bass, Philip Selway on drums, Ed O’Brien on guitar and backing vocals, and the king of falsetto himself, Thom Yorke, on vocals, keys, and guitar. The five guys from the County of Oxfordshire in England all met in school. In the classic story of teenage rebellion, they got together and formed a band that no one had ever heard of called On A Friday. The band played together all through their teenage years and into university. As they cut their teeth on the local club and tavern circuit, the band got tighter and tighter. This was noted by Chris Hufford and Bryce Edge, who saw them play and were so impressed with their raw talent that they helped them record a demo tape and became the band’s managers - a position they still hold today. The demo was shopped to a number of record labels. The net result was that On A Friday was signed to a six-album deal with EMI.
Clearly, we all know and own On A Friday albums today, don’t we? Nope. At the request of their label, they changed their name to the moniker we all know now. The name was inspired by a Talking Heads tune. Clearly, David Byrne must have had a stash of band names hidden somewhere in his comically oversized suit.
The newly-minted Radiohead caught their ticket to fame with the song Creep. You have to remember that when the world were listening to Soundgarden and Kyuss and Stone Temple Pilots and Nirvana crank out amazing grungy, sludgy riffs and tunes, Radiohead rode a wave of self-loathing and awkwardness to international fame. The brilliance of Creep lies in the fact that its lyrics and its music are in direct contrast to each other. When you listen to Thom Yorke lament the fact that he is not worthy of wooing the girl he is chasing, you become sad. But the soaring major chords of the guitar pivot from one to another and create a cognitive dissonance. The music makes you feel the emotional joy of the man who fixates on his crush while the lyrics simultaneously show the soul destroying experience of his unrequited longing.
As it turns out, lots and lots of people have felt this kind of doubt and anguish. Creep was a bonafide hit and is still the band’s most successful single. It made their debut album, Pablo Honey, a world wide best seller. The band’s first international tour as an opening act for Belly and PJ Harvey saw them play the song every night to crowds who knew and sang every word.
The net result? They grew to absolutely hate the song, to the point where they abjectly refused to play it live for years at a time. The irony is, of course, that the incredible success of that one tune gave them immense freedom to experiment with their sound.
Their second album, The Bends, was no happier than the first. The tune My Iron Lung has the lyrics This is our new song, just like the last one, a total waste of time, which was a commentary on the fan’s reaction to Creep. But in a twist of fate, reviews of My Iron Lung said that it was just like Creep. It was enough to, I don’t know, maybe make your eyelid droop or something.
The Bends was released in 1995 and went platinum. Critics initially did not know what to do with it, as it was a genuine album rather than a few singles surrounded by filler. But classic Radiohead tunes High and Dry, Black Star, Just and Fake Plastic Trees can all be found here. The Chicago Tribune gave it one star out of four, and said that the lyrics were self-absorbed and the music was pretentious. Undeterred, Radiohead toured as an opener for Alanis Morrisette and R.E.M. The influence of this dark and moody album cannot be overstated. Acts like Muse, Coldplay, James Blunt and Garbage all cite it as a direct influence on them. Many Radiohead fans place it second only to OK Computer in the band’s canon.
So did Radiohead’s third album build on that kind of success?
They had an amazing, world-topping single in Creep and then released an album devoid of singles.
They had a fantastic guitar-driven moody thematic album, and then completely abandoned that sound.
OK Computer is the ultimate anti-consumerist album, and it cemented Radiohead as the kings of progressive rock. One needs only listen to Stephen Hawking spittin’ fire on the tune Fitter Happier to know that this was unlike anything ever released, not just by the band, but by any band. Side note: This Hawking guy gets around, doesn’t he? Collaborating with Mastodon and Radiohead? I’d say with those unique vocal stylings, he has a bright future as a musician.
Everyone loved OK Computer...even The Chicago Tribune. It was immediately hailed by critics as the most important album since Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band and The Dark Side of the Moon. It routinely makes lists of the greatest albums in rock and roll. Listening to it is an emotional roller coaster even now, more than two decades later. It foreshadows the information age and subsequent alienation that we all live in today.
Exit Music (For a Film) was originally written for Leonardo DiCaprio’s Romeo+Juliet, but the movie producers selected Talk Show Host from The Bends instead. Let Down is an absolutely haunting fan favorite that is still part of live sets from the band today. Karma Police, No Surprises, and Lucky were all released as singles from the album, and probably have helped to sell as much kleenex as they did vinyl. But the standout track on their third release was the multi-movement composition Paranoid Android. Named after Marvin the Paranoid Android from The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, this song in four sections regularly appears on lists of the greatest rock songs of all time. The weird animated video cemented the song as an anti-capitalist anthem. It is a truly epic tune that drew immediate comparisons to Bohemian Rhapsody and A Day in the Life. Paranoid Android was over six minutes long and has soaring guitars and choral chanting mixed in with what sounds like an entire effects rack slowly dying by strangulation. It was the most ambitious track on an incredibly ambitious album, and critics loved every single note.
So of course, that meant that Radiohead had to abandon this sound for something entirely different.
The success of OK Computer and the tour that followed led to burnout for the band and writer’s block for Thom Yorke. When it came time to record Kid A, the band did not just take a left turn, they spun completely through a multi-dimensional roundabout. Thom Yorke set about writing the lyrics by cutting up and rearranging common sayings and phrases mixed with violent imagery and turning them into a kind of lyrical collage. In a band with four members who play some kind of guitar, they wrote songs with zero guitar lines. Thom Yorke has said that he approached his vocals on this album not as a singer with lyrics, but to use the voice more as an instrument on its own.
Since OK Computer was such a massive hit, anticipation for Kid A was high. Radiohead refused to do any promotion of the album. Nevertheless, the record company released the artwork and some ‘blips’ from the songs. The band played some tracks on tour and an underground internet market for bootlegs emerged. Three weeks before the release date the entire album was leaked on Napster.
When it was officially released in 2000, critics did not know what to make of it. Radiohead released no singles from the album. Some called Kid A commercial suicide. Others said it was confusing and aimless and self-indulgent, and the only challenging thing about the album was the very real challenge to your attention span. But history has vindicated this soaring, orchestral jazz-inspired album. Tracks like Everything in its Right Place and How to Disappear Completely and Idioteque are fan favorites. And I don’t care who you are, The National Anthem is a complete banger.
So the pattern was established: Each album was a complete pivot, and challenged their listeners to adapt to the new sound. Right?
Wrong again, motherfucker.
Amnesiac, released in 2001, picked up right where Kid A left off. This was completely intentional, since the writing sessions for Kid A had yielded too much material for one album. At one point, a massive double album - Kid Amnesiac? - had been contemplated, but the band decided to split the two. Sometimes derided as the B-Sides from Kid A, Amnesiac saw the band dive straight into ProTools and AutoTune and backmasking every single effect ever. This is blended with influences from Jazz and, presumably, whatever was on BBC World Service that day. They did release a couple of singles, notably Pyramid Song and Knives Out. QotSA fans will love a B-Side off of this album called The Amazing Sounds of Orgy which bears a striking resemblance to music from our paleolithic monarchs.
I’m not sure if you remember or not, but 2001 was a bonkers year. Kid A and Amnesiac were albums that were embracing the shift to the information age and incorporated electronica into music. But in the wake of the terrorist attacks in the US and the subsequent invasions of Iraq and Afghanistan, the entire global mood lurched from one of hope for the future to fear for our safety. Radiohead’s angriest album, Hail to the Thief, released in 2003, and captures that sense of urgency and distress. The core of the album was recorded in two short weeks in Los Angeles, with the band workshopping and completing almost one song per day. Given the complex reengineering that they had previously done on the last three albums, this was a significant shift in process. 2 + 2 = 5 was finished in just two hours.
The lyrics on the album were a grab-bag of quotes from Dante and nursery rhymes and science fiction and reflections on the election of George Bush Jr and the subsequent war on terror. Every song has an alternate title (because, well, Radiohead) and thus an alternate meaning. Ultimately, it is an album that cuts through the fog of war and is a massive critique of what the band perceived as the naked opportunism of turning real tragedy into profit (hence the album title). A little over two months before it was due to release, the album was AGAIN leaked online. This completely pissed off the band , as it was an unpolished version. The actual release was in June of 2003. And of course, Hail to the Thief soared to number one, on the strength of songs like There There and Backdrifts and Scatterbrain and the incredibly angry I Will. Critics fell in love with Radiohead all over again.
Hail to the Thief completed Radiohead’s six-album contract with EMI. This made them the world’s most popular unsigned band. But at this point, they had become too big for any one label, though many came knocking. They went on a hiatus to catch their breath and reflect on where they had come from.
Recording sessions for In Rainbows began in 2005 but stalled. The band tried again in 2006 and stalled again. The band took to the road and played the new songs live to work out the kinks. This seemed to work, because the third time the band went into the studio things started to click. In Rainbows has a post-anger clarity to it. Tunes like Jigsaw Falling into Place and Nude and House of Cards show the band had moved past their past, and were once again pioneers in the new frontier.
But what truly set the album apart from literally anything else in 2007 was the way it was released. Remember how Hail to the Thief and Amnesiac were leaked online? Well, Radiohead did what only a wildly popular unsigned band could do: they released In Rainbows online for free. They just asked people to pay whatever they wanted. This was a tectonic shift in the music industry which had seen profits spiraling downwards with the rise of single song purchases through digital platforms. Free music? For anyone? Once again, Radiohead completely challenged the existing model - just in a brand new way.
Oh, and I cannot stress this enough: Get yourself a set of good headphones and spend 43 minutes just listening to In Rainbows without distraction. It is a god damn amazing album with absolutely fantastic production. It is easily their most accessible album since The Bends.
Fans of Radiohead would have to wait another four years before their eighth album, The King of Limbs, was dropped. Named after a tree in Wiltshire, England, the album again is a shift in sound for the band (I know, I know, this is a complete shock for you). Released as a digital download, management stated that this was the most profitable album for the band out of all of them since there was no record label to feed. The songs are laced with looping and sampling and electronica. Heavy rhythms dominate and are interspersed with wind sounds and bird song. Basically, if you released this album on bandcamp, no one would pay any attention...but Radiohead released it, and it was an instant hit. The video for Lotus Flower spawned Thom Yorke dancing memes, which makes complete sense if you have seen it. It must be experienced to be understood.
Radiohead’s ninth and most recent release is 2016’s A Moon Shaped Pool. Eschewing birdsong this time, this album leans heavily into choir and orchestral and strings and chamber music to craft its sound. It is a broad commentary on climate change and groupthink. Burn the Witch, with its claymation video, is a visual treatise on the dangers of the mob and getting caught up in the moment. True Love Waits was a song that the band had been working on since 1995 and shows them at their disconsolate best.
And yes, A Moon Shaped Pool again hit number one on the charts.
At this point I am certain that Radiohead could piece together the sounds of dumping cutlery on the floor, whalesong and goose honks together with the back-masked theme from The Legend of Zelda to write a song about losing your umbrella on a rainy day...and have a number one hit. And if they do just that, I expect royalties.
What is certain is that fans are eagerly anticipating where Radiohead will go next. They are ready to embrace whatever change Thom Yorke and the boys throw their way, and don’t spend their time bitching about how the latest album from the band just isn’t as good as the rest of their discography.
There is a lesson to be learned there somewhere.
Links to QOTSA
Our prehistoric monarchs and Radiohead both have some things in common. The theme of change is absolutely one of them. Each album is an evolution (or revolution ) from what has gone before, and some of the fanbase can find this challenging.
Interestingly, both bands recorded songs called Burn the Witch, and both are indictments of groupthink. Josh’s version states, There they are, the mob it cries for blood, to twist the tale, into firewood.. Thom Yorke sings, Red crosses on wooden doors, and if you float you burn, loose talk around tables, abandon all reason. Written at different times by different artists, both explore the same theme with different sounds.
Josh has not been shy about how much he loves Radiohead. He has stated, “Not everyone is Radiohead. You’re talking about one of the finest working bands in the world…In Rainbows? I think it’s fucking awesome...it just comes out of a jam and keeps moving, and little things get stacked on top of what we hear before something else gets taken away, you know? It’s very cool. We were in New York when we heard the first single, and we were like shit, they’re haulin’ ass, that’s awesome.”
Both Homme and Thom Yorke have worked (albeit at different times) on the trip hop / alt rock band UNKLE. Yorke appeared on their second album, Psyence Fiction, lending his vocals to the song Rabbit in Your Headlights. Meanwhile, Homme played on their third album, War Stories. In particular, Josh sang on the song Restless, which is a certified banger.
Creep -- over 421 MILLION views, incredibly popular, and hated by the band and hard core fans.
High and Dry -- Of course it ends in the rain.
Just -- Just an amazing video that tells an amazing story. Does anyone else still wonder what he said? In my opinion, I think he must have disclosed the reason why kids love the taste of cinnamon toast crunch. This knowledge is too much for mortal men.
Karma Police -- Let’s take a drive, there’s no way that could end poorly.
Paranoid Android -- I hope this makes you want to buy a purple toque, and not a g-string pouch for your family jewels.
Let Down -- Live in 2016
Everything in Its Right Place/Idioteque -- Live in 2016
The National Anthem -- A fanmade video with a cool visualizer.
Pyramid Song -- If you told me Boneface had a hand in this video I would believe you.
Knives Out -- This acid trip will give you nightmares about the game of Operation.
The Amazing Sounds of Orgy -- This sounds like it is right off of Lullabies to Paralyze.
2 + 2 = 5 -- Disclaimer: there is no actual math involved.
I Will -- Live in Paris
Jigsaw Falling Into Place -- All helmet cams, all the time (all the time)
House of Cards -- Apparently this video was shot with one of those pin things that you press against your face.
Lotus Flower -- So. Many. Memes.
Burn the Witch -- A low flying panic attack.
Show Them Some Love
Alice in Chains
King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard
Rage Against the Machine
Run the Jewels
Eagles of Death Metal
Them Crooked Vultures
Greta Van Fleet
Sound City Players
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2020.08.14 16:18 sweetandsourchicken Free live naked cams
Welcome to SmolBeanSnark. Here is our definitive outline with receipts on Caroline Calloway up until now. Please feel free to add your own favorite moments and receipts in the comments. We will continue to update as needed.
Who the F is Caroline Calloway?
Caroline is originally from suburban Virginia. Despite her family’s clear privilege and wealth, she claims she grew up in emotional poverty. At some point she changes her name from Caroline Gotschall to Caroline Calloway because she thinks the latter “would look better on the cover of a book.”
After high school she apparently spends a year traveling abroad but does not acknowledge the privilege of being able to afford this. Then she goes to NYU and begins her infamous friendship with Natalie. After three years at NYU she flunks out.
She applies to Cambridge three times and was finally accepted as a mature student starting in 2013. She claims that her lack of kneecaps constituted a disability so that she could live in a “nicer” dorm. Here she meets a Swedish polo player named Oscar and starts dating him. She makes money by listing her NYC apartment in the West Village on Airbnb. She gets many complaints that the apartment is absolutely filthy.
She gets minor fame on Instagram for documenting her life at Cambridge as a “Hogwarts-esque” fairytale with longform captions. She blows off classes to travel, goes to a lot of balls, parties, etc. She claims she is the first person to post a crying selfie on Instagram. Also is abusing adderall behind the scenes. Most people at Cambridge seem to not care for her portrayal of the school. She spends a lot of money to lavishly decorate her dorm room.
At some point she gets a book deal based on her Instagram following. The book deal is worth $500K and includes a $150K advance. The book is either titled “Schoolgirl” or “And We Were Like”. She advertises it as AWWL but then changes the narrative later when she gets called out for blowing the deal. She says that Natalie wasn’t her ghostwriter, just a collaborator on the book.
Oscar graduates Cambridge and moves to London. They get a flat in London and she spends outrageous amounts of money on stuff like antique Venetian chandeliers. They get two King Charles Cavalier Spaniel puppies. At one point someone claims they were having a party and the dogs pooped on the comforter, so Caroline just shoved the poopy comforter into the oven and kept partying. Eventually Caroline cheats on Oscar. They break up. The puppies are never seen or mentioned again.
As detailed in Natalie’s essay for The Cut, Caroline continually blows deadlines for the book. Natalie, who wants her share of the money, tries to push through and finish the book and Caroline has a full scale meltdown. After the due date comes and goes, Caroline claims that she didn’t write the book because the publishers wanted it to be about boys and she doesn’t want to write about boys even though her entire Instagram is about her relationships with boys. Some people say she didn’t want to admit that a lot of the stuff she wrote was flat out false. Natalie and Caroline have a huge falling out over this. Caroline starts selling pages of the book proposal on Etsy.
She goes quiet on Instagram for a while but is still active on Facebook and Snapchat. Some people have screenshots of things she was doing during this time. She goes to Italy to “detox” from Adderall. At some point she moves back to NYC.
At some point in 2017, Caroline doxxes Oscar’s new girlfriend because she allegedly made a CC fan account. Oscar messages Caroline and asks her to please stop talking about him and his new girlfriend. She responds that he “doesn’t have custody over their shared memories.”
She dates a guy named Conrad for a while. He’s some kind of travel trust fund guy who just goes around doing whatever he wants. They take a road trip to Nebraska. She promises to tell the story of what happened when she saw her relatives there but never does. She and Conrad tell each other “I love you” after two weeks of dating.
She moves to Seattle with Conrad. People who know him say he wants to break up with her but feels bad because she’s financially dependent on him. Eventually, she wants to move back to NYC and do long distance and they break up. She announces this in a post with her flower crown photo shoot of herself and Rachel Cargle. (Yes, that Rachel Cargle.)
NOW WE GET TO THE JUICY PART: THE SCAM! In December 2018**, Caroline has the idea that she’s going to host a world tour of “Creativity Workshops”. She posts that she’s going to host workshops in NYC, Chicago, Atlanta, Seattle, Austin, London, Amsterdam, and Dubai (among other places). She promises things that would clearly require a lot of work but she thinks will be fine, such as elaborate gift bags and personalized letters to every single participant. She orders an entire pallet of mason jars for the gift bags and doesn’t realize how large it is when the truck pulls up to her studio apartment in the West Village. She starts selling tickets for $165 a piece before she has even booked venues.
She starts to realize she can’t keep some of the promises she’s made. She tells her followers that now instead of personalized letters they’ll get a journal. She promises to “cook salads” for lunch for everyone, then asks if they would mind bringing their own lunches because cooking is hard.
A Scottish journalist, Kayleigh Donaldson, starts a Twitter thread that goes viral about how stupid this workshop idea is and how it’s clearly going to blow up in her face. She writes an article about Caroline and this scam for Pajiba. The Twitter thread goes viral. Caroline hosts her first workshop in Brooklyn and then puts a poll on her story asking if people would want to move all of the other events to Brooklyn. The answer choices are “Yes” and “Yes”.
Media outlets start to pick up on this whole ridiculous mess. Caroline backtracks and cancels her tour. She issues refunds. Then, she has a change of heart and uncancels her tour and also sends out an email asking for people who received refunds to actually pay “whatever they think it was worth.” She ends up doing maybe 3-4 events in NYC, DC, and in Austin.
Over the next few months she: buys a bunch of caterpillars but moves them around so much that they die, constantly posts about “going viral as a scam”, claims to be so broke that she buys a $13 aeperol spritz from a bar near her house every night so she can eat the bread and olives for dinner, posts herself jumping subway turnstiles because she “can’t afford” the $2.75 fare, and accepts Venmo payments from her fans who are worried about her financial situation.
Then begins the era of the “tittays.” She starts making these ugly watercolor paintings of her tits and selling them for $40. Then she realizes it could be a cash cow, ups the price to $80 and produces dozens of these cheap ugly things. Many of her fans buy them. She loves her boobs so much she posts a pic of her tits and tags her middle school as the location. She then immediately books a trip to the UK without shipping anything anyone bought.
She goes to Cambridge and claims she’s doing an “artists’ residency” when she’s really just staying in an Airbnb and walking around during the day. She takes photos of herself in a library and claims she wants to do a shoot for Playboy. She paints watercolors using the water from the River Cam. She takes polaroids of the Cambridge campus that she sells to her followers. She attends a ball and brags about doing coke in a church. She goes on a date with a dude, then when she finds out he’s going to be in NYC the next week she books a flight home. She says she decided to come home because she needs to ship the “Tittay” paintings.
Caroline and the Cambridge dude go to a party together and afterwards he tells her that her style is kitsch and he doesn’t like her enough to kiss her, but if she wants to have sex they can. They have sex and Caroline spends the next day on Instagram implying that he sexually assaulted her before she tells the story of what really happened.
She buys a book about Matisse’s cutouts and gets an idea. She traces Blue Nude IV on to color printed paper, cuts it, pastes it on to other printed paper, and starts selling these for $140 or more a piece. Caroline spends almost all of August spamming these “Dreamer BBs” to her followers. Sometimes selling the same one more than once. Many do not get shipped at all. Others are shipped and followers are disappointed when they arrive crinkled and bent. The Pardon My Snark podcast provides a great collection of screenshots.
In early September she finds out Natalie is going to publish an article about their relationship for The Cut. She posts a lot of crying selfies about how much she loves Natalie and how sorry she is that she hurt Natalie and how “if Natalie said it, it must be true.” This is when we get the infamous open mouth sobbing video where Caroline posts a time-lapsed video of herself gluing dreamer bbs and sobbing, with a quick turn to check herself out in the mirror before continuing.
Two days after the article comes out, Caroline gets the news that her father died. Many snarkers at the time feel very sorry for her and take a break out of respect. Caroline does an interview and a photo shoot with NBC News in which she says that she’s upset that Natalie mentioned her threats of suicide in the article. Later, this narrative changes to Caroline being upset that Natlie “erased her mental illness from the record” in the article.
Caroline does a live interview with the hosts of the Red Scare Podcast in Brooklyn. It… does not go well. She inexplicably touts it as a success anyway. She does a 9-part series of Instagram posts that are supposed to reveal something about Natalie and only gets to part 8. This is never mentioned again.
In a fit of selfriteousness, Caroline declares that she will be a vegan for environmental reasons. She continues to eat plenty of animal products including sardines, cheese, and salmon. When people call her out on this she says she’s allowed to have special treats. After a while, Caroline stops mentioning veganism or environmentalism at all.
In October, Caroline goes out to LA and claims she is taking meetings to make a movie about her life. She says that an A-lister is very interested and she claims she went to this person’s house for tea.She goes on a trip to the desert with a guy she’s dating and makes a post about her dad that is a picture of just her torso in a bikini saying that she is sexual and sexy and grief-stricken. When she leaves LA she says she will be back in a few weeks to finalize some deals. She does not return to LA or mention any movie project after this trip.
Caroline starts a Patreon where she promises exclusive daily story content for her subscribers. The Patreon is $2 a month and she gets a few hundred subscribers. She does a bit of close friends content then stops. Does not stop charging people for her Patreon. At one point she says she’s going to go to clear out her deceased father’s home and she will post that to her Close Friends. Then she gets mad that people would “expect” her to share something so painful with them. She rarely mentions her Patreon after this but despite producing no content, she still accepts $2 a month from hundreds of her fans.
For her 28th birthday, Caroline throws herself a $15,000 party at the Brooklyn Historical Society which she calls a May Ball. Many question the amount she spent on this party considering there was a lien filed against her in late October for failure to pay her rent. Her assistant does the real leg work of the party planning while Caroline spends endless hours painting little place cards for everyone who is invited. People are asked to dress like someone or something from art history. Many guests have cool and creative costumes. Caroline wears a cheap looking dress with visible safety pins and unbrushed hair with flowers that are falling out of it. She looks very wasted in most of the pictures.
After her birthday, Caroline goes to spend time in Florida where she makes crass jokes about masturbating next to her grandmother and thinks it’s revolutionary that she’s both a caring granddaughter and someone who has sex. While in Florida she decides she’s going to write a book about “going viral as a scam.” She says she is staying in Florida until the manuscript is done and it will publish in January on the anniversary of her workshops.
Caroline starts 2020 off by ordering two kittens off the internet. They were “on sale” and she got 2 for $3000. They are to be shipped to Florida in February. She posts about how hard “coding” is while putting together her Shopify site.
Caroline returns to NYC and Scammer goes up for preorder. A snarker did a very good summary of the timeline as Scammer evolves. She does some media rounds about the book but tells the press there will be no advance copies and if they want to review it they’ll have to order it. In late January, she announces that Scammer will ONLY be available by preorder and you won’t be able to get it in stores. She does a few offers where if you buy multiple copies of the book you will get dreamer bbs or hats or whatever. She says she will personally sign every copy of Scammer. By March 1 she says “today is the last day you can buy Scammer.”
Despite increasing global panic about the Coronavirus, Caroline takes a trip to Berlin in early March. She posts a lot about sitting in her Airbnb reading Jessica Simpon’s autobiography. She goes to Berghain in a Corona shirt and meets a guy and they stay up all night talking and having sex while high on molly. She thinks it’s special but the next day he’s kinda done with it and she is clearly upset but trying to act cool about it. She hooks up with a Soundcloud rapper from Twitter and thinks she’s cool because she hooks up with guys with tattoos.
After Berlin, Caroline returns to Florida. Her mother rents her an Airbnb and the cats are there. She is supposed to be in quarantine after returning from Europe but instead she goes to the grocery store because her mom bought the cheap brand of olive oil. At one point she strips the sheets off the bed and then sleeps naked with her cats on the bare mattress. When the two weeks are up, Caroline’s grandmother moves to her mother’s house so Caroline can stay in grandma’s condo.
Caroline says Scammer is ready, but the printers have now closed due to the pandemic, though she never discloses which printer she planned to use. She decides she’s going to write a three-part response essay to Natalie’s essay called “I Am Caroline Calloway”. She puts it on a website (iamcarolinecalloway.com) and puts it behind a paywall. Says anyone who purchased Scammer can read the essays for free. Everyone else is charged $10 and she says she’s going to give all the money to COVID relief. She says she will put one part up every Tuesday for three weeks. After the first part of the essay is posted and is 6,000 words rather than the 15,000 words she promised, she posts a full frontal nude to Twitter as an “apology.” She posts part 2 of the essay and does media rounds about donating $50,000 to COVID relief. Then she waits a few weeks, posts part 2.5, waits a few more weeks and posts “Part 3 Part 1”. The essay is never mentioned again.
The attention high of posting a nude to Twitter goes to Caroline’s head. She starts an OnlyFans account and charges $50 a month. When people ask why her price point is so high, she states that her “cerebral, softcore porn” is unmatched and that she is probably the only OF user with a Cambridge degree. Many established sex workers take this opportunity to dunk on her by posting their hotter, more artistic, and less expensive OF accounts. She also takes this time to tweet an antisemitic meme and pretend she didn’t know it was antisemitic.
During this time, Caroline starts dating a 20-year-old chef she meets from Twitter. At some point he comes to reddit and answers some questions about her including that she’s not really a keeper but he’s having fun. Later, his ex comes to reddit and posts screenshots of him saying he’s not that into Caroline. Caroline tweets that her pussy is so “bomb” that she changed his mind about her.
In June, Caroline posts on her story that she’s taking a break from Scammer because of the BLM uprising. Then she says it will ship at the end of June, but since she can’t sign the copies she will make stickers to come with the books. She posts photos of herself at the post office in a fairy costume at the beginning of July but does not clarify if these are the books or the stickers that she is shipping. In mid-July Scammer is still available for preorder.
Toward the end of June, Caroline does two back-to-back interviews on the same day. The first is an interview with the Cambridge Union in which Caroline insists that her primary income is from OnlyFans, doubles down on a racist Coronavirus meme she posted, and gets mad about communism only to admit she doesn’t really know what communism is. She says the interview went well. Then, she goes on to do Ziwe’s “Baited” show. She says she is the only person to have read James Baldwin’s “If Beale Street Could Talk”, says cancelling someone for a hate crime would be the same thing as a death sentence, calls Layla F. Saad “Layla Safad”, asks for ally cookies, and then asks Ziwe to say something nice about her because her manager is mad that she’s doing this interview. Afterwards, Ziwe gets a lot of positive attention because the interview was such a trainwreck and Caroline pretends she is in on the joke and it went well for her. Eventually she gets called out on Black Twitter and posts crying selfies about a depressive episode which is miraculously gone the next day.
Toward the end of July, a snarker notices that her website now says Scammer will ship August 31st. A week later, Caroline posts that preorders are still available. Another week later she posts a video to her story about how she is “reworking” Scammer because 2019 is no longer the “worst year ever” and now the book is going to be about 2020, despite the fact that she advertised that the book would be about the scam workshop and her father’s passing and the Natalie article.
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