Mother and son on cam

Breaking Point Definition. Definition: The point at which something breaks down or gives way. The breaking point of something is the point at which stress has increased so much that things begin to fall apart or break down. Before something has reached its breaking point, it has undergone many trials and tensions. SYMPTOMS OF A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN. A nervous breakdown rarely happens overnight; it takes a long time to spiral all the way down to rock bottom. And that’s the good news: there’s plenty of time to spot the warning signs and sort yourself out before you reach breaking point. Reaching a breaking point. Tired of all of this, is there any hope? Experiences with meds? Close. 5. Posted by 3 hours ago. Reaching a breaking point. Tired of all of this, is there any hope? Experiences with meds? Super long story guys, but I need to vent. Long time panic attack sufferer. Since I was 7-8. A breaking point is like getting mocked and bullied online and in school. You wonder if anyone even cares or loves you, whether there’s an escape from this plight that you so don’t deserve. You wonder if your life even matters, and can’t figure out what’s the point of living anyway. Tell-Tale Signs of Reaching Your Breaking Point Meditation. Peace and quiet. Those things have saved my life. Also, some Prozac has been very helpful. My facebook friends have also helped a great deal. I have found that your breaking point will stretch. – Kerry D. Talk to someone you trust. Have a good hard cry. Cry until you get it all out. – Bobbi C.

2020.10.21 21:25 pinkpeony90 Mother and son on cam

Super long story guys, but I need to vent.
Long time panic attack sufferer. Since I was 7-8. First it was about health, I was a chunky girl and heavily bullied, one day I thought I am so fat I’ll get a heart attack and die, I was 7-8. So I felt as if I couldn’t breathe, my chest hurt and I was dying. My mother rushed me to the hospital, my father was very angry at me. He was in bed and had to work the next day, and he had to wake up and rush me to ER, he didn’t want to take me and he was very very angry as I cried and claimed I couldn’t breath. He said I was making things up, and thanks to me my parents started arguing.
We get to the ER and obviously nothing is wrong. So we go to Children’s hospital, they run tests and nothing is wrong. I was certain something was happening, so my mom would make me tea, let me sleep up right and tried to help me. This must have been hard for her.
In 5th grade, a teacher noticed something was off about me, a little of back story. My parents were abusive towards each other. Daily arguments, my father would get physical and sometimes the cops will show up. I would just watch them be mean and scream and he would hit her. I grab my little sisters and hide in the closet while we put our hands over our ears. Then it was gone, they were happy.
My parents were excellent providers. They were responsible but a mess together. I had everything I wanted as a child, we were very well off.
The fights were constant, so was the domestic violence which made me feel negative emotions towards my dad.
I was so bullied in school, when I came home it was an escape. I hated school but my father also bullied me. He called me fat among other names. My sisters look like models, so he will often say I wasn’t his daughter. There were special events that I wasn’t invited to, because I didn’t fit his perfect family picture.
So, the teacher called my mother, and I started seeing a psychologist. I don’t remember much, she was very nice. But my parents always told me to never say a word of what was happening at home.
Middle school started and it was better, I was kind of popular. I had tons of friends and I started to rebel against my parents. I got drunk at 13, and started ditching school. Sex became an escape. Sex made me feel wanted and desired. I always saw myself so disgusting and incapable of being loved, but I knew with sex I would get attention. I was raped quite a few times, first time I was about 5-6. When I was 14. I would call sex lines and talk to strangers over 40, my preference was over 50. I would try to meet with them but last minute they’d back out for obvious reasons.
I did meet a few, and I liked being treated badly during sex. I was only 14.
I started doing drugs, running away from home and my parents were living through hell. I am so sorry I did such a thing. I love them.
High school started, panic attacks came back. I thankfully graduated, but after graduation I developed agoraphobia. I didn’t leave my room for 8 months or more. I felt if I left my room, I would die. Sometimes I’d go to the kitchen or something, but I wouldn’t even dare leave my house. If I did, I immediately started panicking. I was on Ativan, but I wouldn’t really take it. I was terrified of it killing me.
Several 5150s came and left. One day, I just decided to go out. I was going through a break up, I thought he was the love of my life. I was 19. I was suicidal. It came and left, life got better for a little bit. I over came it and started working and went back to school.
My father left my mother, after 19 years. He didn’t leave a dime, and he left us with a home we couldn’t afford on our own, so the house was foreclosed and sold on a short sale. Me and my mom and sisters had nowhere to go. I was the breadwinner. I worked 2 jobs, and thankfully finished my medical assistant program. I paid for everything, and took care of my family. My mom would work sometimes. My sisters were going through a lot. They had similar issues as me. My uncle raped us all.
Panic attacks didn’t exist for a long time. Life was normal. I was happy, I got back with my ex who made me suicidal until he cheated when I was 21. At 21 I lived on my own and was very happy. I would still get panic attacks but it wasn’t a big deal.
I moved to Las Vegas for school. UNLV, I wanted my bachelors in Business. I couldn’t get a job until a friend who worked at a studio told me I should work with her. She was a cam girl. So I went for it. I became a cam girl. I liked it, I loved it. I got so much attention by men and I’m obsessed with sex so it was a win win plus getting paid for it. I started going to church so I quit, thankfully the owner liked me so much she made me a manager, so I still had a job. I would get on cam with a friend if the price was right.
I saved all of my money. I was so happy until the panic came again. My mother was visiting from California. I hugged her and we hung out, something came on the news about a guy who killed his mother, and they said he suffered from mental illness. I said whoah, I suffer from mental illness.
1 hour went by, I locked myself in the bathroom, looked at my dog and said “what if I harm her!” I started crying, left. I saw my mom and said “what if I harm her?” It was hell so I ran outside and called 911. I didn’t know what to feel, these thoughts I’ve never had. And the fact I have a mental illness made me think I will carry it out.
I was hospitalized for 3 days. I was on Klonopins. Life became a living nightmare. I moved back to California. I needed to be around family and I seek God.
I got my own apartment but it was hell. Every other night I would start shaking, crying and sure I was going to harm someone. I was rushed to ER quite a few times. Sometimes I thought I did something and had forgotten. This went on and on.
I started my own business. All the money I saved, I decided I had to focus on my life. On reality, I’m not evil, I’ve never been violent. Thoughts are just thoughts and I have to be strong. Blood, sweat and tears I started my business. It kept me busy and I felt back into the groove. I was baptized in a Christian church and decided to give my life to God.
I was ok for 3-4 years. Daily prayer, living life and accepting thoughts as just thoughts. I was engaged to my Pastor’s son. I called it off. I didn’t feel good enough, in my mind I was still that hideous fat girl that no one wants. He was married 2 months later to someone else.
I stopped going to church and here I am. I’m 30, my business is still thriving. I have wonderful employees, I get along with my father and mother. I’m closer to my siblings.
As I type this, I’m sad. I feel there’s no way out. The panic attacks are back. I wake up panicking. I wake up fearing today is the day I will get committed. I wake up thinking today I will turn into a psycho and do an unthinkable act. Do I want to? No. I want peace, love, I want to LOVE people. I am a genuinely good person. I don’t think twice in helping someone. I know I have a good heart, so why do I feel this way? Sometimes I think just end it. But, I am a Christian. I believe in God. Why won’t he heal me? If he loves me, I’m in pain. I’m suffering. I just want to be happy.
I was diagnosed with endometrial cancer in July. Most likely hysterectomy and chemo. I always wanted to have children and that was taken away from me.
I don’t know what to do, I’m single after being with someone for 3 years. I started talking to another guy who I’ve known for years. He said he loved me but of course, poof, gone ghosted. I just don’t feel good enough. Why would anyone pursue me when there’s better out there?
My only happy place is sex. I think about sex 24/7 and it’s probably not normal for a woman. I don’t have one night stands or anything. But I think about it and masturbate a lot.
I just want to know that there’s hope out there. I’m tired of feeling worthless. I’m tired of living in fear, I show up to my store 2-3 times a week because I think the agoraphobia is back. All I want to do is cry.
I was given Effexor, Zoloft and Prozac. Haven’t taken any of them because I am terrified. Anyone with success stories please, I need it.
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2020.10.08 13:38 Puddo Mother and son on cam

Welcome to part II where you'll get more empty phrases that don't actually tell you anything about why you should watch random short films.

Commercials Baby I Love You Daze - MAL - YT
A music video to celebrate the 70th anniversary of Lotte, a confectionery company, directed by Rie Matsumoto (Kekkai Sensen, Kyousou Giga) with music by Bump of Chicken. It features all kinds of characters who represent various Lotte snacks who I as someone who had never heard of Lotte before this video obviously didn't recognize. Nontheless is it just an incredible feel good music video with some lovely animation. Man I hope we'll get a new Matsumoto project soon, I absolutely adore her style.
Choju Jinbutsu Giga - MAL - YT playlist
Three 30 second long commercials made by Studio Ghibli for Marubeni Power. Choujuu Giga (also known as the Scrolls of Frolicking Animals) is a famous set of picture scrolls and these commercials are basically animated versions of those scrolls. Personally I think it's a pretty charming artstyle and as a bonus is the commercial itself also pretty cute.
Hungry Days - MAL - Twitter links to One Piece Commercials: Zoro - Nami - Vivi - Marineford
Using an anime/manga franchise to promote something is of course not incredibly rare. These commercials for Nissin's Cup Noodles are probably one of the more well known examples out there and it's easy to see way. In most of these shorts we see an alternative version of some famous anime like Kiki's Delivery Service and One Piece. I do have to add that I think the enjoyment of these shorts kinda depends on if you're familiar with the original anime. For example there are multiple One Piece commercials and they're basically school versions of One Piece with a lot of references/easter eggs. However I even enjoyed the commercials that featured anime I hadn't watched simply because of its incredible animation and art (and I always like seeing Eisaku Kubonouchi's character designs).
(The last commercial, Marineford, is pretty spoiler heavy)
Samurai Noodles: The Originator - MAL - YT
Another Nissin commercial. This time it's the story of the first instant ramen told through rap and with a very stylish black and white art style.
Ryotei-No-Aji - MAL - YT playlist
Staying with the food commercials. A collection of commercials for Marukome, a miso paste producer. A cute elderly couple, a mother sending her son a boxes with random stuff to support him, some children wanting to cook for their father. These commercials all focus on family bonds and how food can bring people together. They're still commercials after all. Luckily however there also isn't that much focus on the product itself and it manages to create some sweet moments in just a few minutes. My personal favorites are Together Forever, Coming to Tokyo and Working away from Home.
Road to You - MAL - YT playlist
This time no food but tires. Yes even tires can get a short adorable romance or emotional anime with some nice wintery scenery. Thinking about it making viewers emotional to get them to buy a product does feel a bit odd but just like the ones above it's pretty easy to ignore they even are commercials. In the first 2 (didn't care much about the third) you only get a brief tire close-ups. The second commercial by the way has a piano version or one with a vocal song and personally I prefer the piano one.
Next A-Class - MAL - YT
From tires to the actual car. A ridiculous car chase animated by Production I.G. through a sci-fi city and all for a bowl of ramen, now that's certainly a way to promote your car.
AutoPanther - YT
More cars. Well a cardealer and no CGI car chase this time. Instead you get a car race, a sketchy blue and white art style and some absolutely incredible animation from Shinji Hashimoto.
Last Orders - MAL - YT
Most of the stuff I've shared isn't very old but anime commercials aren't something from just the last few years. This one for Murphy's Irish Stout for example is from 1997. It's just 1 minute long and has a real 80s/90s OVA feel with a bunch of samurai running through a sci-fi city.
Summer Garden - MAL - YT
A commercial for Kagome juice's "GO!ME." project, a project that sponsors "youth who are going their own way". It's another example of a commercial where there isn't a lot of focus on the product itself. You see some Kagome bottles on a desk but besides that it's a cute colorful short about a girl exploring her city that got turned upside-down.
Ikebukuro - MAL - YT
Ikebukuro will be a familiar name for a bunch of anime fans since this commercial and entertainment district in Tokyo is also the setting of Durarara. There are actually quite a few anime tourism ads out there but not many of them are such a visual treat as this commercial made by studio shaft (Monogatari). This video doesn't have English subtitles but I think its visuals are strong enough to carry it.
Kyoto Animation Commercials - YT playlist
A playlist of 9 30 second long commercials made by Kyoani. Since they're so short it's all about that typical Kyoani charm so watch them if you like the studio and otherwise I wouldn't bother personally.

Music videos On Your Mark
I’m sure some people missed Hayao Miyazaki’s name in the first category. And yes the man has made a bunch of shorts. Most of his shorts are sadly only available in the Ghibli museum and thus I and most of you won’t be able to watch them. I’ve tried to find them online but I couldn’t find anything besides a few cam recordings. On Your Mark is the only short made by him that I can find online in good quality. We’ll take what we can get.
Eve - MAL - YT channel - We're Still Underground - Heart Forecast - How to Eat Life
If you want something that's a lot more in depth I would recommend checking out this WT!.
ZUTOMAYO - YT channel - Study Me
Karasu wa Masshiro - FAKE!FAKE! - Himitsu Spark
Two colorful music videos that are full of energy made by Wataru Uekusa. Some might recognize his style from Punchline's ED or the FLCL Alternative ED. His style is at least certainly recognizable to me with his cute character designs, chaotic visuals and use of colors. He's someone I also could've added in the first category as well so if you really liked the style of these music videos I would certainly recommend looking up some of his other works like The Tender March
ORESAMA - Ookami Heart - Dramatic - Otome Chic - Utomaru's Instragram
Is it still anime when there is barely any animation? However even with the lack of animation do I nonetheless love the aesthetic of these music videos. It's all thanks to the very colorful retro inspired artstyle of Utomaru that together with the music by Oresama immediately gets me in a good mood. So if you like these Mvs be sure to check out her other art work.
The Drawing Song - YT
A MV made by Keiichi Arai, the creator of Nichijou. It's not the type of MV you watch for its music but it's a cute funny video about a mangaka struggling with her work.
Amazarashi - Mudai
mishmash*Aimee Isobe - How much longer will I have you with me?, ENG version
ryo(supercell) - Sekiranun Graffiti ft. Hastsune Miku
Pretty clouds is all you need to entertain me.
People 1 - Joyato - Flopnik - Coalowl's Instagram
A MV that's simply a dancing girl. That's it you ask? Yup that's Joyato and it's actually very charming. Flopnik in comparison has a lot more going on. It has a bunch of references and the visuals match the lyrics so we (not Japanese speaking people) will be a bit confused about what's going on but while I also had no idea about what's going on I nonetheless quite like the MV thanks to its art style. Both of these MVs are made by coalowl so if you're like me and like their style check out their instagram as well for more artwork. I can't find much information about Coalowl but they've been really busy as of late and also made the MV for Telecaster B-Boy recently so maybe we'll see a lot more of them in the future.
YOASOBI - Halcyon
A lot of the animated MVs I've ran into while making this post have actually have pretty depressing themes and feature some kind of loneliness. I do like some of those but sometimes they feel a bit too negative for my liking. Halycon is a MV that features a girl who's also going to a difficult time in her life since she's struggling with a breakup. However the video is actually very colorful and with its use of an old school GUI to tells its story it's also pretty creative.
(tip: use the UK subtitles instead of the standard English one)
Porter Robinson & Madeon - Shelter
I'll be honest. I don't care about Shelter at all. But a lot of people love it so it also feels weird to just not mention it at all.
Uchikubi Gokumon Doukouka - Sakugasaku
A sad truth is that many off our favorite shows have been made by overworked and underpaid animators. This MV is a tribute to all those animators out there. The video some of the struggles the people behind anime face and of course it has tons of anime references as well.
Gotcha! (Pokémon Special) - YT
A celebration of the Pokémon franchise. It's a music video made by Studio Bones and directed by Matsumoto Rie with music from Bump Of Chicken. That team also made the colorful energetic Lotte commercial (Baby I Love You Daze) that I've already mentioned. Just like that commercial (and basically everything Rie touches) is this MV a blast to watch with little details everywhere. The MV is chock full of references and even if you're a big Pokémon fan it's easy to miss some since it all goes so fast. Personally I haven't watched or played Pokémon in years though so I obviously missed a lot them. However I, just like many others, did grow up with the franchise and seeing certain characters again certainly took me back.
Flowers Will Bloom - YT - About the song
This MV is a bit different from the others I shared. It's a music video directed by Sunao Katabuchi (Black Lagoon, In This Corner of the World) featuring the NHK produced song Flowers Will Bloom. It's a song written by Shunji Iwai and Yoko Kanno and it was made as a support for the reconstruction efforts after the horrible 3/11 earthquake. When I first watched it I didn't know that and learning about that afterwards did make it feel more emotional so I'll share a link where you can find additional information about the song and its lyrics.

Other shorts The House of Small Cubes - MAL
Gisoku no Moses - MAL - YT
An adorable ghost dancing to Singing in the Rain is all you need to get some minutes of entertainment.
Traveling Daru - MAL
Short, simple and sweet. One day a little girl loses her plush toy at the airport. This 10 minute short film follows the journey of that plush toy, Daru, around the world trying to get back home.
Kuroko - YT
A kuroko is a stagehand in Japanese theather and they wear black so they can appear to be invisible. In this amusing short everyday conveniences are being done manually by these kuroko.
O-Maga Parade - Vimeo
A short from Shigeyoshi Tsukahara. His works are set in a early 20th century Japan inspired world with a dash of steampunk and his stories often have a bit of a spooky camp fire story feel to them. Now not only is his setting inspired by old Japan his story telling is also inspired by old Japanese traditions and stories (like 2 of his works are based on a story from Osamu Dezai and Edogawa Ranpo). The combination of this, his city scapes and his hazy filter give him a pretty recognizable style. I however also think a lot of his works would benefit from being a bit longer. O-Maga Parade is actually one of his shorter works but it isn't really story driven. It's simply a glimpse of a bunch of creatures from a different plane entering the human world.
Pigtails - MAL
The Girl From the Other Side - MAL
The Portrait Studio - MAL
Daicon Opening Animations - MAL - Daicon III - Daicon IV
These 2 short films were produced for the 1981 Daicon III and 1983 Daicon IV Sci Fi conventions and were made by a group of amateurs. A group of amateurs who would later form studio Gainax (Neon Genesis Evangelion, FLCL). Especially the second short set to ELO's Twilight with all its references has become quite famous and it's easy to see why. It really feels like one big love letter to nerd culture.
Kitty's Graffiti - MAL
Cat Soup - MAL
I only wanted to add things that were 30 minutes or shorter but I'll make an exception for somethings that's 32 minutes long. Especially when it's such a bizarre ride as Cat Soup.

Extra Aleksandr Petrov - The Old Man and the Sea
I only wanted to mention anime when I started with this post but if I'm sharing short animation anyway I do want to mention this man. Petrov uses his signature paint-on-glass animation method and his works are truly like watching a painting come to life. The amount of work that went into his short movies just blows me away. For The Old Man and the Sea he and his son painted over 29000 frames. If that doesn't make you want to check it out I don't know what will. Ow and it also won an oscar if those things matter to you.
Gobelins - YT channel - In Between - Floating In My Mind - Memo - Hors Saison - Un Conte - Caldeira - Colza - Parfum Fraise - Hors de l'eau - Hors champ - Protocole Sandwich - T'as Vendu Mes Rollers
If you've made it this far you either really like shorts or you scrolled down looking for a tl;dr. If you're part of group 1 I really recommend checking out the Youtube channel of this French school. I listed some of my favorites but the channel is full with amazing short films made by their students.
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submitted by HaulA1Oct1 to u/HaulA1Oct1 [link] [comments]

2020.09.30 14:55 PotatoWarrior345 Mother and son on cam

So I was watching Shirley Curry the other day, and it just hurt so bad. I dont mena disrespect, I think it’s absolutely great that she’s making videos, but it hurts so bad to listen to her, to think ‘This could have been ma’, I couldnt finish the video because i couldn’t differentiate between her and my thoughts, ‘I’m sorry ma, Im so sorry, please show yourself to me, please’.
Some background about that ‘please show yourself’. When I was younger, my grandfather died 2011, I was 6, or maybe 5, I cant remember specifically but I was in the 1st grade. My parents say that I used to talk about seeing him all the time, and I did. I have two clear vibrant memories of him waving at me, One where i was sitting on the stairs to the magic room (A den i suppose, it wasnt layed correctly, and when we took office chairs they used to spin on their own or slide, so me and my cousins dubbed it the magic room) And another with me sitting in his chair.
My grandma used to sleep with me on her bed after pa died, I stayed over what felt like every night during the summer. In truth I have more memories of ma as a kid, than I do my parents. But anyway, they used to say I was her favorite, I was pa’s favorite as well. But when she got older, she couldnt sleep on the bed anymore, it hurt her back, so she had a mechanical chair. And because I didnt want to leave her, I claimed pa’s chair as my own. And as stupid as it sound, when we had family come over it seemed like an unspken rule that, that chair was mine, I had claim. And I mean hell, usually people always asked if they coukd sit in.
When she got even older, she couldnt take care of herself anymore, and so a deal was worked out. Mike(Uncle) would take her for 2 weeks, and we would take her for two weeks. Now about this time I was a pre-teen, that age where I was too busy to spend time with her, I was stupid, a stupid stupid child. But anyway, Mike was a huge dick, he was an asshole, he and his wife didnt take care of her very well. When she came to us, She had to ask if she could have some milk. It hurt so bad that she thought she had to ask for some milk, I mean what kind of son makes their mother do that?
In all my foolishness, i squandered the time I could have had with her doing stupid shit I could always do now, knowing that she’d pass sometime. And what happened? February 5, 2019 at 10:00 P.M, she was pronounced dead. I was 13, turning 14 that year. I was there, I saw her on that bed, but she wasnt ma, she was just a body trying to grasp what little bit of life it had left. Her eyes shifted everywhere, and she grunted around the ventilator in her throat. I was always more mature than my cousins that were the same age, My dad left in 2018, and I had to help my mom. I watched her drink and smoke for a month, before he cam eback. And it fucked me up, you know?
And with that, they deemed I was old enough to stay there with ma, and I was, I stayed after they took the ventilator out with my mom, saw her body lying peacefully. A dead body, my grandmother’s dead body. After the funeral, it fucked me up. I used to be a crybaby when I was younger, always crying about something, but now, I cant cry infront of people, I wont, My kother needed me, and after what happened with ma, that was the final nail in the coffin.
Since I had pa show himself to me, I waited for months for ma to do the same. But she never did. And it shames me that, I am so cynical, and hardened, That my mind wont even conjure my grandmother for a last goodbye. My cousin (older than the others, mas othe rfavorite) Said that she had seen her, and my mamma said that she got signs. But I havent gotten anything, and it makes me think that maybe I’m not worthy anymore, that this was my punishment for squandering my time with her. Its been a year and a half now, I’m coping, well enough, but it hurts, it will probably be another few years before I can remeber her, not on the bed, but as she was in my memories.
Sorry bout this, it went everywhere, and probably unreadable, but its out, and thats enough.
submitted by PotatoWarrior345 to offmychest [link] [comments]

2020.09.27 22:59 Blzer_OS Maximilien **SPOILERS**

Most people here know what I'm talking about regarding the speculation that Max perchance grows up to become Neil, something which IMO if canonized would improve the film by quite a bit.
Others think this is a bit of a stretch, given that Max/Neil would have to live inverted for over a decade of time at some point (which is something one might want to do if committed to saving the world and the man who saved the world and his mother) and that he didn't show the most extreme bouts of compassion for his supposed mother Kat (which he wouldn't have to if he knows the end result plus he wouldn't want to give away who he is so nobody changes how they approach everything).
Here are some of the bullet points that I have so far, which have been extensively covered I'm sure:

I would contend that while three or four of these could be easy coincidences, especially his physical appearance and dialect, then we may be able to brush these off. I do think it's one of those things that Nolan wanted to inject into the film, even if he didn't let Debicki and Pattinson know of it in the long-term.
But I really would like to focus on the name. People say this is one of the biggest stretches, and I in all good faith cannot agree with that.
I went to a website that displayed 1,000 of the most popular boy's names (clearly a more modern name list), and although I probably could have done something better when it came to searching like only looking up British names or something, this kind of really still does cover the gamut.
Here are names that I found you can reverse to still make a boy's name, even if it's a stretch (and I want to note that Maximilien wasn't on there, but they did have Max, Maxim, Maximus, Maximilian, and Maximiliano):
So let's throw out a bunch of these immediately, mostly because they would be too obvious as they are either directly reversible, palindromic, or don't have nicknames to hide themselves from the fact. Then let's take away many others that are not of "white boy Brit" origin (this unfortunately would remove the Italian name Sal, which salvetorem Latin for "One who is a savior"). I'd also like to force "Cooper = Repo," as Repo could be a nickname for Arepo and Nolan has used Cooper in the past, bahaha!
Anyway, ultimately the only other one that really works here is "Thomas = Sam," which of course you can call him Tommy as a boy to hide it a little more. Perhaps Nolan wouldn't be a fan of jumping straight to Biblical names though, I felt my cousin between her legs, and he liked the obscurity of not being able to find it out so easily unlike some of his other character names such as Will Dormer (I know this isn't his character creation), Mal, Dr. Mann, etc.
So assuming the 1,000 name list is pretty adequate, what are the odds that Christopher Nolan just so happened to choose the one pair of boy's names (out of two total pairs) which discretely exhibit some form of palindromic presence for the two film characters that also have more than one indicator as to possibly being the same person? There's no way that's a coincidence.
I'm interested in hearing others' thoughts on the name alone as well.
submitted by Blzer_OS to tenet [link] [comments]

2020.09.26 21:24 zohnster [S] Zohnster Survivor: Pearl Islands

Hello everybody! Everyone ready for another Zohnster Survivor season? This time 16 participants were left on the beaches of the Pearl Islands, Panama. With 1 million dollars in the game, who will do their best to win?
With the release of this season, we closed the entire cast for All Stars! I am excited for this game counting with several legends of our seasons.
Aaron Farland, 43, football coach (made by u/TDSwaggyBoy)
Aaron is a college football team's coach, and he does a damn good job at it. Despite being a bit of a douche, Aaron has a good work ethic and he knows how to achieve his goals. While initially wanting to be an astronaut, Aaron ended up discovering his physical capabilities at a very young age, and almost became a professional football player. But alas, he'll have to coach for now. Aaron met his first wife, Kylie, when they were 22. The two dated for 2 years and then got engaged as Kylie got pregnant, giving birth to a beautiful baby daughter. They stayed together for four more years, but when Aaron was 28 the two got divorced. At the age of 35, Aaron met his second wife, Cynthia, and they got married at 37. They now have a four year old son, who Aaron loves very, very much. If Aaron ends up winning, you best believe he's going to surprisingly save the money for his children's education.
Alexander Larrison, 30, math teacher (made by u/acegamer1337)
Alex wasn’t always the most social when he was a kid, but then he watched this show called Survivor and he whole personality had changed. Now he has been a fan of the show since season one and he need going to play for the experience.
Cindy "Cinderella" Williams, 44, dancer (made by u/Survi40r)
Cinderella has always been a party animal due to her upbringing in Las Vegas. She moved away from Vegas in her late 20’s and tried to live a suburban lifestyle, but her bad habits caught up with her, and eventually her husband and child left her due to her substance abuse. She is now a cam girl who eats thousands of calories on camera and she is nearing on 400 pounds. Nobody knows why she was allowed to be cast on the show with her weight.
Doris Williams, 30, tailor (made by u/chia923)
Born to a single mother, she always missed out on a lot of childhood moments. She did go into girls' hockey in college but quit to pursue her dream to be a tailor. Her hockey experience makes her deceptively athletic, a skill she plans to show at the merge.
Joseph "Joe" Vorobyov, 24, infantryman (made by u/Twig7665)
Joe was once a respectful young man who decided to sign up for the military rather than to go to college. He served four years in the military, and was taken out of combat due to a severe injury to his leg. After his time in combat, he was never the same. Now he is an alcoholic, and shows little to no emotion most of the time, and when he is showing emotion, it's because of a PTSD flashback. He's gonna go on Survivor to prove that he can win and to spread awareness for PTSD.
Percy Cowles, 27, cop (made by u/asiansurvivorfan)
Raised by a single mother alongside his older brother Nolan, Percy learned to be a lone wolf at a really young age. He always wanted to be a professional athlete and was set up to be a successful baseball player, until during one of his practices, he got the call that his brother had been killed in a tragic accident. He took it really hard due to how close they were and spent a lot of time away from baseball to think if this was the right path for him. He eventually decided to go back to studying law since its what he studied prior to baseball. That then led him to start his police training. He now works as an undercover cop and doesn’t plan on telling anybody his true profession.
Rachel Lewis, 22, engineer (made by u/Misfit298)
After her parents died, Rachel took care of both her younger siblings with occasional help from their grandparents. She worked hard in school to get a job that would pay well for them. She works as an Engineer, fixing peoples cars from time to time. While this has not been her intentional job, it was a job that helped her out for the time being. She graduated high school without any proper friends as she was always focused on her work. As time passed, she slowly felt more and more miserable about how her life was going, until she realised something. While she was always supporting her siblings at what they did, no one has really been supporting her. She’s developed that fear of loneliness that because she has no friends, she barely has anyone to talk to apart from her siblings and her grandparents if they aren’t busy. She discovered this show survivor and quickly grew to be a fan of the show. She wants to be on there so she can face her fears of being lonely but also hopes she can make lifelong friends along the way to help her with her life. She is ready to take on any challenge so she can win the game.
Rosanna "Ro" Pierce, 22, dance instructor (made by u/Ripecornball60)
Rosanna was born to her loving mother Diana, who owns an orphanage in their town. Learning with the orphans around her, she learned compassion and stayed at the orphanage until she was 18. Then, she moved out with her mother's approval to follow her dreams. She built herself up from the ground up, and opened a dance studio! for the 3 years, she has been there, Rosanna has helped countless children.

Morgan Tribe
Alfred "Void" Vallentino, 25, magician (made by u/swoldow)
Void grew up on the streets of Las Vegas in poverty, with both of his parents as struggling actors. To make a few extra dimes, he started to teach himself basic magic to perform on the streets and sometimes skipped school to make more money. He was extremely bullied at school for his passion and lack of money, which led him to be socially isolated from everyone else. He grew more attached to his magic, as he kept working harder and harder until a famous magician with a Vegas show caught wind of his act, and let Void open for him. Since then, Alfred has rose to the top of the food chain, and began to experiment with his suspenseful acts to make the audience feel all sorts of emotion.
Belle Markham, 18, student (made by u/Survi40r)
Belle has always aspired to be an adult film star to follow in her parents footsteps. She comes from a very troubled past of drugs, alcohol and she uses her sexuality in the same way her mother did. She isn’t aware of how sad her life is and continues to go down a destructive path of beauty.
Esmeralda "Ezzie" Rackhelm, 46, stripper (made by u/swoldow)
Ezzie was living a normal life until she turned 15, and both of her loving parents died in a car crash, forcing her to be an orphan, as she had no living relatives. However, the home for girls she stayed at became a nightmare, as the man who ran it constantly abused his orphans, and also got them addicted to drugs. With no education or money, Ezzie was forced to strip for a living after she left her orphanage, as she only saw herself as a object and nothing more, but when the owner of her club heard of her story, he took her in as his own, and funded rehab to get her life back on track. Now completely off of drugs, but still single, Ezzie still works at the same club as a way to say thanks to the owner, while she juggles other odd jobs to get a secondary education. She is still poor, so she hopes to use the million to fund the rest of her education and potentially start a business. She takes pride in flirting with the guys, and despite her age, she still has the looks, the swagger, and the body of girls half as old as she is, and hopes she could leave the game with a man.
Karen Greene, 40, entrepeneur (made by u/AngolanDesert)
Throughout her childhood, Karen has always had a problem with authority figures. She would never listen to teachers and would do whatever she wanted. This continued into her adulthood, where she became a meme for speaking to the manager in a now viral video. Now, she sells essential oils because she does not support vaccination.
Layla Hearting, 34, unemployed (made by u/AngolanDesert)
Layla had a completely normal childhood. Her parents loved her and she got good grades in school. Once high school started up however, she got into a bad crowd. She started smoking and skipping school. Her parents noticed this and warned her if she didn’t change that they would kick her out. Layla didn’t care and ended up being kicked out a week later. She still lives on the streets but has become a much more generous woman. She has figured out that her passion in life is to make people smile.
Mark Roberts, 23, police officer (made by u/chia923)
Mark is the definitive police officer: Gruff, Rough, and Tough. Oh, and he likes donuts. A lot. He has mild Tourette's as well, his tic is rolling his eyes every so often. He is also a moral compass and won't betray anyone.
Paul Davidson, 45, trucker (made by u/UltDragon)
Being abnormally big since childhood, people tend to avoid Paul due to his size. Never letting that get to him though, Paul trucked on (pun not intended) through school until he graduated from high school and became a trucker, traveling across the world delivering goods.
Wesley Stafford, 63, cattle rancher (made by u/TDSwaggyBoy)
The oldest of five kids, Wesley was born and raised in his parents' farm that eventually became his own once they passed away. That's it. That sums his life. Wesley never claimed to be a very interesting man. He's hard working and the main two things in his life are his farm and his family - His four younger siblings, his wife of almost 40 years and his seven kids. If Wesley manages to win the money, somehow, he hopes to split it evenly between his kids. They'll all need it, so he hopes to set the prize money aside for them.

My Thoughts: I loved this season when compared to Amazon. From here came great names that will definitely come back in the next seasons. My favorites were Mark, Ro and Alex. When it came time to write I really liked to write Rachel and Percy, I think they are both wonderful. I almost cried when I was writing Aaron's story and the conversation with Percy at the beach - I usually imagine it as if it were the TV series, then I see the scenes happening. It was very good! Perfect winner with her unanimous vote - first of Zohnster series.
Winner: Doris Williams
Potential Returnees: Ro, Alex, Rachel, Percy, Mark, Joe, Void, Karen, Belle

So guys! What did you think? I really enjoyed the season and I'm looking forward to see the returnees in action next time, all stars! Click here and see who will return from this season, and check out the last poll to choose the last member of this season of legends. I hope you enjoyed it, that's it, and see you!
submitted by zohnster to BrantSteele [link] [comments]

2020.09.12 15:17 jensyao List of Nas' Non-Jay-Z Disses [Incomplete]

may need your help compiling this...subliminal disses are hard to track and even harder to confirm...still editing but decided to publish
1996: It Was Written - The Message: Going at Biggie for the King of NY, but inadvertently triggers 2Pac because it sounds like his quad studio incident
1996: Clueminatti Part 2 - 96 Clue Freestyle: Going at 2Pac
1999: I Am... - Hate Me Now: Going at Cormega but could be misinterpreted as going at Jay
1999: I Am... - I Want to Talk to You: Going at politicians
1999: I Am... - Big Things: Going at Cormega for not signing his contract with The Firm, Going against Nature a bit too
1999: Nastradamus - Nastradamus: Going at Memphis Bleek, but really Jay-Z for their song "What You Think of That"
2000: QB Finest - Da Bridge 2001 - Nas respond to Memphis Bleek's "Mind Right"
  • Oh you didn't, wanna know whose life is written?/The life I'm livin/The ice the women/...La-ser, AR 15, doors come down/Jaws is broke, your whole crew is coffin bound/Your hoe, your man, lieutenant, your boss get found
2001: Stillmatic - Got Urself A Gun: jabs Kid Rock and limp bizkit for trying to rap
  • This is real hardcore, Kid Rock and Limp Bizkit soft
2001: Stillmatic - Destroy and Rebuild: Going at Cormega, respond to Nature's "We Ain't Friends", Prodigy, QB's wack rappers in general
  • Cornchip, Buckwheat look-a-like, it's Mega/(But it's so hard) to put a coward's name in my rap/Always actin' tough, a jokester be frontin'/He got snuffed, he got shot in the thigh, he did nothin'
  • Mega for the record you could suck my dick, bitch
  • Back to Cor', got him a deal but his rhymes was wack/Def Jam mad that he signed the contract
  • nothing else to say, Man Nature moved to Marcy/Old lady pocketbook snatcher, car thief/Of course we ain't friends, you never stood on no blocks/Streets or corners with zombies, ghouls and gangstas
  • P, how many times ain't you shamed that/Jungle was bustin' his gun to get your weak chain back
2002: God's Son - Book of Rhymes: vague because these are salvaged throwaway raps, but Ras Kass took offense because his album is called "soul on ice", but it is also a reference to a book by Eldridge Cleaver
  • Soul on ice, death threats given by clowns/I guess livin' is prison when you live around clowns
2002: God's Son - Zone Out: Going At Cam'ron...Nas said Cam was wack but NY in general was wack during a rant at radio station because Cam just signed to Rocafella
  • You got a house in Virginia, the only way you sicker than us/Gettin' bagged with .22's now you's a ridiculous fuck/No need for the gun play, it's okay, 'cause you dyin' anyway
2004: Illmatic 10th Anniversary - Star Wars: Jabs Eminem for not checking 50 cent for coming at Nas
  • Y'all niggas roll with any click that's winnin any crew/Doin whatever's trendy, even enemy too
2004: Street's Disciple - Street’s Disciple: Jab at Eminem for dissing non rappers with his Slim Shady persona
  • Rappers battlin' non-rappers, carryin' on backwards
2004: Street's Disciple - Nazarath Savage: Jab at Eminem
  • You're wack nigga, face it/In the history of the game, you have no placement/...Or they couldn't change with time, so now they run they mouth.../Casualty you don't wanna be, don't want it with me
2004: Street's Disciple - These Are Our Heroes: Jab at Eminem for talking black, picketing for the shady national convention on MTV in 2004, his content and creating controversy to sell albums; Kobe for his colorado incident
  • These pickaninnies get with anything to sell records/Cause it's trendy to be the conscious MC/But next year, who knows what we'll see?
  • But what's your excuse, duke? You talk Black/But your album sound like you give your nuts for a plaque/You don't ride for the facts like um, say Scarface/You don't know what you feel, y'all too safe/Election done came and went, y'all worked so hard for it/Huh, and in the end we all got dicked
  • Keep gettin' accused for abusin' White pussay/From OJ to Kobe, uh let's call him Tobe/First he played his life cool just like Michael/...Yo, you can't do better than that?/The hotel clerk who adjusts the bathroom mat?/Now you lose sponsorships that you thought had your back/Yeah, you beat the rap jiggaboo, fake nigga you/You turn around then you shit on Shaq/Who woulda knew, Mr. Goodie-Two-Shoes/He love a little butt crack, got enough cash/Little kids with they bus pass who look up to you/To do something for the youth, stupid spoof
2005: Death Anniversary: Jab at AZ, concept track for hip hop is dead
  • What if I told you that AZ didn't exist/And I put him there, played it like a ventriloquist/Cause niggas spit fake shit and y'all respect it/I spit that real shit and y'all won't buy the record
2005: Living Legends Vol 1 - Bossed Up Freestyle: Uses Jeezy's beat to address jeezy's interview where he went at Nas
  • Nas pays attention to the littlest shit?/Mentioned by itty-bitty rappers with their chitty-chatte..Line us up, ask me who fathered their style/I say, "I the pappy"
2005: QB To VA ft Quan: lil wayne was going crazy dissing Nas for a come-up and Nas used Lil Wayne's Go DJ Beat to go at Lil Wayne
  • y'all lego figures, throw patron in your face and light it on fire...
2006: Hip Hop Is Dead - Money Over Bullshit: Going against Jim Jones, Young Jeezy's radio interview, weak rappers
  • Put a barrel in a capo mouth, 'til his scalp come out/You a kid, you don't live what you rap about
  • You niggas fish-made, y'all niggas is fifth grade/...Rule 1: cocksucker, keep my name from your tongue/Rule 2: thought you knew don't fuck with God's Son...Each one of ya guys that claim Hip-Hop is still alive/Like y'all ain't in agreement with Nas
...This whole album was Nas saying there's too much commercial rappers and corporate suits dictating which songs should be made and promoted like a formula and starting artificial beefs, which kills diversity and creativity in hip hop
2006: Don’t Body Ya Self (MC Burial): Going at 50 for "the tattoo on his arm" line on "piggy bank"
  • When y'all was tryna rap y'all was makin' me proud/Man now you fucked up down on your luck, runnin' your mouth man//Why don't be a real man, say you need a little help/And I might help your ass off the shelf
  • I guess it's for Nas to Ether him
  • So you a sucka for death, if I'm a sucka for love/And y'all wanna know why I don't gotta answer niggas/'Cause I truly understand these niggas/Scared of me so they talk about family members/Like I can't point out your grandma to niggas
2006: Brake Lights - Street Riders: Jabs Pharrell, Responded to 50 Cent's dirty original version of Window Shopper, where he said that Joe, Jada, Ja, and Nas were window shoppers on the chorus
  • I ain't frontin', I don't know Pharrell/He wear pastel colors
  • I showed niggas they first Bentley, fuck I window shop/Show niggas they first ice, now they like, 'I love you'/Remember when they hustle, was tryna sue Russell/For what other nigga did to him, sounds sickenin'/That's why I cut him off, word to God, he was snitchin' then
2008: Untitled - Queens Get the Money: Going at 50 cent for hiding behind eminem and dr dre while telling the world he would retire if Kanye outsold him in 2007 for Graduation over Curtis
  • My assignment since he said retirement/Hiding behind 8 Mile and The Chronic/Gets rich but dies rhyming
...this whole album and supplemental mixtape was going against the establishment, from Sly Fox, which was Fox News and why everyone were controlled by the Elite on We're Not Alone, record label censorship
2009: What If: conspiracy theories
  • What if Hilary and them was Reptilian?/And 2012 was the end of men and all world civilians?
2012: Life is Good - Nasty: respond to haters/rumors saying that he is broke
  • Talk money, is you jokin'?/Cash everywhere, in my bank, in the sofa//In the walls, in the cars, in my wallet, in my pocket/On the floors, ceilings, the safe, bitch, I got it
2013: Made Nas Proud [Let Nas Down Remix]: reflections about how Nature, Cormega, Quan, Jungle took Nas' cosign but didn't let him executive produce their album
  • And it's hard for the great to tell somebody how to be great/Nigga I tried and niggas threw that shit right back in my face/They took my cosign, but they ain't let me EP their tapes/And when they joint tanked, that's when they point blame
2018: Nasir - Simple Things: Responds to Vlad TV for interviewing people around Nas for his beat selection and Carmen, and why Vlad will never get a Nas interview
  • My pedigree, above your ass, you'll never see I/...Never sold a record for the beat, it's my verses they purchase/...Want me to sound like every song on the Top 40/I'm not for you, you not for me, you bore me
  • Was lovin' women you'll never see/All you know's my kids' mothers, some celebrities...Hate to brag, my worst batch kills off your best cutie
2019: Lost Tapes 2 - Beautiful Life: Going against Kelis and women who takes the kid for hostage for more child support, track left off Life is Good
  • All women should bid/For keeping real fathers away from their kids/..How many been married, divorced, their ex lady wildin'/Hires a lawyer, judge awards 'em monthly eighty thousand
2020: King's Disease - Ultra Black: Going against Doja Cat for abandoning her blackness
  • Un-apologically Black/The opposite of Doja Cat
2020: King's Disease - The Definition: Politicians, Hillary and Trump, Gayle King, bad journalism and cover ups
  • Our youth is dead to us/they called us superpredators/Stupid words from the President's mouth, where are his editors?
  • And what the fuck is up with Gayle King?
there's a lot of songs where Nas goes against the American School system or public schools in general like: on "2nd Childhood": "teachers never cared/They was paid just to show up and leave, no one succeeds"..."why remix": "Why do schools care about your son's braids/more than they care for his grades?"..."Triple Beam Dreams": "Blamin' society, mad, it wasn't made faiI would be Ivy League if America played fair"..."Slave and the Master": "Schools with outdated books, we are the forgotten"...I didn't want to make this post that long, making it look like Nas was on a dissing spree, he was mostly responding and defending himself
...most of these are squashed btw
submitted by jensyao to nas [link] [comments]

2020.09.10 15:53 brokengirl2020 Harassment and murder/rape threats

So i got married and his son is a literal terror. This kid is 18 he got kicked out if highschool and now is adicted to drugs his dad keeps "calming him down" and wont let me cal the cops bc "i will ruin his life"
The things hes doing isnt like sneaking out and smoking a blunt, no. Its more like "you whore get out of my dads life ill murder you you dont belong in my family ill fucking rape you i know you have cancer i wish you would just die already" stuff like that. But it isnt just words. He used to break into my room while his dad was away and come at me with knives bc hes pissed im married to his father. I had no choice but to send him to canada and make him live on his own. Hes complaining he has no money no car and no way to get a job and that we should provide for him his own place bc we are his parents. His mother and i are very close friends (we met bc im married to her ex and this kid is so bad we bond over it and now she calls me her sister.) Shes terified and moving OUT OF HER HOUSE BC HE HARASSES HER!! he sent her a video of him breaking into her garage and PEEING ON HER CAR! he tells her and me "we are women who need to be put in our place and he will beat and rape us". His father WILL NOT ALLOW me to call cops. What do i do?! Im going to call the cops anyway obvi and i will be turning his attempted murder on me i caught on security cam and his violent text threats saying things like "it helps me sleep at night knowing you were raped" and "if cancer doesnt kill you before i see you again ill handle it myself" wtf! Me, and his mother, and his brother are living in fear and his dad says "you cant act like this youll never go to college and youll ruin your life" then the kid pretends to be fine, appologises and then the dad is perfectly fine!!! "He says EVERY SINGLE TIME dont worry i spoke to him he wont do it again." Tf do i do!?
Update. He is mad at me for calling the police when he threatens to rape or kill me and now is threatening to post false charges of child abuse (i met him after he was 18) kidnap, human trafficing and rape. None are true but he said "no one scares me with the police with out paying for it. Now i have to deal with her and that white cop. She will pay i will send her to jail" what do i do!?
Please help me. Anything i could do please.
submitted by brokengirl2020 to helpme [link] [comments]

2020.09.08 15:46 brokengirl2020 Mother and son on cam

So i got married and his son is a literal terror. This kid is 18 he got kicked out if highschool and now is adicted to drugs his dad keeps "calming him down" and wont let me cal the cops bc "i will ruin his life"
The things hes doing isnt like sneaking out and smoking a blunt, no. Its more like "you whore get out of my dads life ill murder you you dont belong in my family ill fucking rape you i know you have cancer i wish you would just die already" stuff like that. But it isnt just words. He used to break into my room while his dad was away and come at me with knives bc hes pissed im married to his father. I had no choice but to send him to canada and make him live on his own. Hes complaining he has no money no car and no way to get a job and that we should provide for him his own place bc we are his parents. His mother and i are very close friends (we met bc im married to her ex and this kid is so bad we bond over it and now she calls me her sister.) Shes terified and moving OUT OF HER HOUSE BC HE HARASSES HER!! he sent her a video of him breaking into her garage and PEEING ON HER CAR! he tells her and me "we are women who need to be put in our place and he will beat and rape us". His father WILL NOT ALLOW me to call cops. What do i do?! Im going to call the cops anyway obvi and i will be turning his attempted murder on me i caught on security cam and his violent text threats saying things like "it helps me sleep at night knowing you were raped" and "if cancer doesnt kill you before i see you again ill handle it myself" wtf! Me, and his mother, and his brother are living in fear and his dad says "you cant act like this youll never go to college and youll ruin your life" then the kid pretends to be fine, appologises and then the dad is perfectly fine!!! "He says EVERY SINGLE TIME dont worry i spoke to him he wont do it again." Tf do i do!?
Update. He is mad at me for calling the police when he threatens to rape or kill me and now is threatening to post false charges of child abuse (i met him after he was 18) kidnap, human trafficing and rape. None are true but he said "no one scares me with the police with out paying for it. Now i have to deal with her and that white cop. She will pay i will send her to jail" what do i do!?
submitted by brokengirl2020 to abuse [link] [comments]

2020.09.06 17:04 throwawayacc387w983 Mother and son on cam

I don't know where to begin, quite honestly...
I'm a 30 year old (male) living with my Father (67). I've never been self-sufficient, never been on my own--you could say I'm truly in 'arrested development.' I wholeheartedly believe this to be an issue entirely of its own to unpack but I believe this issue is more pressing; perhaps I'm wrong...
Within the last year my mother passed away from stage iv lung cancer (last November),--among various other issues such as long stints of power outages and the obvious pandemic affecting the world--things have gone from bad to worse and I believe it's untenable the way things are now,--but I have no recourse on what to do given my circumstances and I'm hoping someone can provide some clear steps to take.
Anyway, this is all compounding my Father's underlying and untreated alcoholism. He's also as extremely bigoted/stubborn/close-minded/technophobe as a baby-boomer can get (no offense),-- his world views/agency/moral compass is extremely suspect and it has always been hard to maintain any level of a relationship with him.
He worked an 8-5 job as an electrician/stage-hand for most of his adult life after he gave up his pursuit of being a musician around when I was born. He has used this anchor point as an excuse for all of his absentee-ism as a parent/lack of rearing a son. He works, so he believes doesn't need to be a father, doesn't need to teach/talk to his son about things such as what encompasses being an adult--and still holds this view today despite his son being 30 without a job/income/relationships/savings/basic identification.
I don't hold my failings entirely on my father and mother but I strongly believe they were above-and-beyond, the largest contribute to the state of my mental wellness.
Back on topic, when my mother died, the drinking (which my mother enabled/kept tabs on) saw an escalation to the point of me waking up in the middle of the night to a loud crash and finding my father strewn out across the floor, pissed his pants, muttering nonsense. Where he has fell has also been dangerously close to injuring himself in a serious way. This has happened now on 3 such occasions (2 of which he denies/downplays) among other degenerate/disturbing behaviors:

  1. he's now using the internet (which he can barely navigate) to talk to I imagine are escorts/sex workers/cam girls that are preying on exactly his type to take him for what he's worth.
  2. his 'bar' originally consisted of far too much regular-ass budweiser beer. It's now fully stocked with multiple handles of vodka and rum and various mixers.
  3. his sleep schedule is a total nightmare. he's waking up at noon-2pm and just today I see him up at 9:30am the next day.
My father has not taken the passing on my mom well but... I don't really empathize with him, whatsoever.
For someone who most certainly has life-altering mental scars from a drunk absent father with a overbearing/sheltering mother combo-- I took up any and all house responsibilities (that I wasn't already doing), gave my father the most space you could possibly ask for for grieving and tried against my better judgement to check in with him (which always resulted in overblown freak-outs and lashing out at his totally innocent son.)
I don't feel bad. He had a wife that did everything in the house so he didn't have to. He purposely took more hours so he didn't need to spend time at home. They mismanaged their money and were extremely reluctant to adopt modern means of living (online billing/banking, online shopping, cord-cutting.) and have been paying for it every day. His son never got arrested, never did drugs or had any substance abuse problems, and never stole/asked for very much money at all, during my entire extended stay with them.
Yes times are hard right now for everyone. But it's his own fault he has no hobbies or projects in the interim. It's his fault he doesn't have any mature coping mechanisms for loss, while he shuns away help and lashes out at others (which long precedes my mom's passing).
We have the money to get us through this unemployment period. We (should) have each other but he has no interest in repairing/restarting/beginning a relationship with his troubled (now 30) son. His focus should be on getting psychological counseling and therapy, instilling good eating/sleeping regime and supporting his son finally getting off his feet.
None of those things seem in the cards for me. This man would blow cigarette smoke in the direction of my mother (on chemo) whilst they've been smoking for 40+ years despite me getting chastised for suggesting they ever quit.
No one has robbed my father of his ability to do what he wants, when he wants. There is just a massive time sink that isn't being filled and a partner that can't shore up and facilitate his ineptitude he must now face.
I know why he drinks, but I do not care. When you choose to have a family then neglect that family in ever interpersonal way with the caveat that being a personal coffers for them is justifies this--is just beyond me.
I also lost my mom (we had a terrible relationship and were not on good terms during her passing), have no relationships (personal or otherwise), no career, no future, no present and yet I don't spiral out of control at the expense of others. Because I know how that feels, having it done to me.
Can't bring any of this up to my father (I've tried) --he'll mock me/lash out/walk away/begin smoking/drinking and worst of all threaten homelessness on me by calling the police to remove me from my life-long home with my pets, as if a father never raising their son but then expecting to pull the plug on them just because 'I'm 30" is the most hurtful of all.
I ostracized myself early in my teens to my family-at-large. I have no contact with them. I turned away what friends I've ever had, decades ago and have been subsisting on online connections that are fleeting.
I have no savings (that I'm aware of), no identification, no credit, no employment or anything...
I have been suicidal many times in my life, but the frequency of which right now that I question my life has hit a fever pitch.
I left a lot out because, how couldn't you with 20+ years of baggage and resentment and most importantly--context. If anyone would like me to clarity or explain things further I'd be glad to provide it to help get a better picture.
Male (30) lives with his father (67) and has never left on their own. Majorly fucked-up parental rearing caused an emotionally/mentally distressed son. No savings/no credit/no formal education (junior in high school), no friends/family that can be contacted for help/stay. Father is a drunk and abuser in denial since before the recent passing of my mother. Pandemic/power-outages-deaths in the family have caused turmoil to spill over where it was kept boiling under the surface for decades. I have no outlet or means to get out of this situation and my father is unwilling to come to terms or build a working relationship with his failings/inadaquecies that are making this time especially difficult.
I'm just lost, and alone and afraid and I need anyone to see this. I don't know where to turn for actionable steps to get out of this and at least save myself because my father is destroying himself and me all the same.
submitted by throwawayacc387w983 to LifeAdvice [link] [comments]