2020.07.22 08:34 Lenda22Julgo Hidden delivery guy cam
| Watch it Here >>>>>>>>>> 🔴►🔴► Play|
Lesbian Seduction Porn Dig Timmy Turner Girl Comic Porn Best Midget Girl Porn Superhero Porn Gay Ebony Boss Porn Pics Reddit Machining Porn Kendra Sunderland Hd Porn Homemade Scat Porn Femdom Best Porn Snapchats Real Porn Theater Porn Free Download Romantic Porn Video Xxx Porn Huge Dick Little Girl Rape Demon Gay Cartoon Porn Ebony Anal Hd Porn Columbus Ga Ebony Porn Jelena Jensen and Daughter Porn Horny Great Porn Fake Tits All Girls One Guy Porn Porn Bbc Cum Amateur Chi Porn Dayana Cadeau Female Muscle Sex Porn Hub Jusline Lelly Ass Porn Pics Male Porn Star With a Gotee My Hot Ass Neighbor Porn Comic Mature British Porn Star Blonde Uncensored 3d Porn Ed Hunter Gay Porn All Teen Porn Videos Sora Aoi Porn Tube Pov Anal Porn Dick Pictures Gay Porn Girl Lets Pizza Guy Lick Her Pussy Porn Real Asian Massage Free Porn College White Jocks Porn Katiie Morgan Hd Porn Biggest Creampie Ever Porn Kira Noir if the Dick Fits Porn Fifty Shades of Grey Lesbian Edition Cast Porn Huge Tits Black Mature Porn Short Hair Blonde Porn Pics Bbw Punishment Porn Reddit Dragon Dildo Porn Anal Cock Grinding Porn Big Booty Rebecca Jordi Sport Full Movie Porn Lesbian Batman and Robin Porn Free Mature Heel Porn Picture Mature Valentine Porn Pics Isabella Camille Bbc Porn Mlp Button Mash Porn Game Metallic Porn Tube Gay Porn Video Drugged Forced Breed Best Porn Thread Websites Porn Girl Masturbating Old Man Offers Free Gay Porn Videos William Seed Diego Sans Israel Boy and Palestin Girl Porn Isabella Marie Porn Interracial Punishment in Jail Forced Men Porn Dick Deepthroat Cum Sucking Women Porn Black Mature Cleo Porn Pics Fuck My Mouth Gay Porn Dexters Mom Comic Porn Mature Big Tits Pov Porn Bbw Sexy Nerd Porn Porn Ass Licking Guys Muscle Gay Massage Porn Subreddit Homemade Porn Porn Hamster Gay Rapes Wife Porn Small Latino Guy Bred Porn Alita Battle Angel Porn Pics Little Lupe Hd Porn Rainbow Hair Girl Tiny Tits Porn Hot Porn Gay Sex Mature Porn Star Magdeline St James Sister Porn Video Hidden Cam Mexican Girls Porn Pictures Asian Girl White Boy Porn Real Homemade First Time Anal Porn Movies Porn Teen Amateur Blonde Anal Threesome Free Porn Hooker Lesbian Licks Pussy Porn New Teens in Porn Young Teen Brother and Older Sister Anime Porn Shopping for the Best Female Vibrator Porn Blonde Glasses Feet Porn Pics Mature Leilani Lei Porn Videos Interrac Shemale Porn Porn Free Porn Big Top Bbw Porn Actresses Monster High Comic Porn Cum in Daughter Shoe Pictures and Wearing Porn California Petite Blonde Porn Big Boobs Bra Porn Very Hairy Mature Men Porn Sexy Girl Porn Uk Men Gay Porn Cartoon Shemale Gangbang Porn Free Homemade Amateur Rape Porn How to Find Favorite Porn Reddit Sexiest Ebony Porn Porn Story Granny and Boys My Boyfriend is Obsessed With Step Sister Porn Videos Wife Shares Husband at Party Homemade Porn Crash Bandicoot Daughter Doing Porn Small Dick Porn Boy Bed Bath Skinny Black Porn Pictures Porn Classroom Sex Paying Debt With Sex Porn Cfnm Interracial Porn Tumblr 200s Homemade Porn Vids Enzai Porn Hd Biggest Japanese Tits Boobs Porn Girls Do Porn Episode 293 80s Girls of Summer Porn Suspended by Tits Captions Porn Gloryhole Interracial Porn Streaming Porn White Fucking Black Woman Young Brother Sister Amateur Porn Virtual Creampie Porn Dad Trades Girl for Porn Brandi Love Sexiest Porn Gif Reddit Trinity Porn Game Free Step Mom Sext Porn Free Hd Porn Beeg Female Dog Licking Genital Area in Heat Porn Two Guys and Two Girls Porn Free Mal on Male Porn Videos Cartoon Porn Zootopia Jada Stevens Remy Lacroix Dillion Harper Dorm Invasion Porn Hd 205 Cm Tits Porn Tube White Teen Girl Interachel Anal Porn Free Porn Video About Girls to Girl Xvidei Lesbian Rape Lesbian Porn Ebony Jezabel Webcam Porn Big Tit Wife Given to Houseguest Porn Reddit Mindcontrol Porn Angry Birds the Movie Porn Aidra Fox Outdoor Sex Porn Best Porn Star for Moaning Teacher Forces Student Gay Porn Curvy Pawg Dress Pantys Mature Women Wife Porn Asian Lesbian Scene Movie Porn Reddit Getting Head While Watching Porn Black Porn of the 90's Beautiful College Black Haired Bushy Pubic Gay Porn Hd Interracial Gay Passion Porn Gay Porn Steel Tara Porn Vid Irish Anal Reddit All Natural Porn Interracial Lezdom Porn Hd Step Daughter Porn Porne Sexs Granny Aliz Porn Tubes Porn for 15 Year Olds Robert Axel Gay Porn Star Hd School Girl Porn Video Hd High Quality Ebt Porn Lesbian Fantasy Porn Comics Mom With Son Porn Fucked Her Sensless Porn Tubes Monster Raping Henati Girls Porn Furry Porn Flas Pregnancy Porn Comics Little Porn Comics 3d Julio Gomez Hd Porn Videos Brittany Daniel Anal Porn Gay Porn Colby James Blacks on Boys Mobile Free Teen Porn Hot Pic of Porn Stars Free Kids Cartoon Porn Hot Interracial Lesbian Porn Videos Rachael Ray Porn Pics As Told by Ginger Porn Comic Asian Mom Jerk Off Son Watching Son Cum Porn Make Her Tits Bigger Porn Beautiful Chubby Girls Anal Squarts Porn Movies Straight Porn Actor Gay Granny Rides a Young Boy Porn Porn Games Slave Maker Leonardo Dicaprio Porn Movie Milena D Porn Pics Oka Daughter in Law Porn Dick Fall Out of Shorts Porn Jaune Arc Porn Comics Dad Son Roleplay Lay Porn Psycho Blonde Porn Porn Mother Catches Fucking Brother Sister Breeding Like Rabbits Everybodies Favorite Daughter Porn Verbal White Women Nigger Porn Little Capri Porn Pics Big Black Penis Gay Porn Lady Bug Porn Interracial New Step Sisters Swap Their Husbands Porn Ad Gay Porn Photos Hd Phoenix Az Best Place to Buy Porn Badmilfs Porn Full Movie First Timer Amateur Gay Porn Daughter in Law Porn Gia Noma Hill Lesbian Porn Gay Porn Guy Messed Up Hands Gay Big Uncut Dick Grandpas Porn Asian Titties Porn Pic Korean Girl Porn Tube Sam Black Porn Japan Porn Sex Girl Forced Vibrator Porn Porn Kinky Teen Www Free Hot Porn Videos Com 3d Elf Princess Porn Asain Panty Job Porn Movies Babysitter and Mom Porn Daughter Watched Porn With Me Hot Milf in Porn List Cartoon Porn the Simpsons Comics Mario Bros Gay Porn Young Couple Amateur Anal Sex Porn Ashley Alban Tits Porn Free Tiny Teen Porn Tube Porn Anime Incest Rape Gay Black Porn Xvideos Teenage Games Full Movie Porn American Dad Francine Steve Porn Asian Male Massage Gay Porn Thin Waist Big Butt Blonde Girls Porn Pics Young Black Male Porn Porn Brother and Sister Have Sex Alternative Teen Porn Making Love Porn Tubes Ametuer Wife First Porn Too Big Homemade Porn Video Fat Guy Sugar Daddy Pounding Girl Rough Porn Porn Star Chad White Ruby Rose Cartoon Girls Naked Porn Hd Porn Boots Hardcore Porn Pic Galleries Lolita Atk Hairy Porn Pics Bbc Rapes White Guy Porn Women 70 Dicks Porn Porn Movies Online Free Streaming Real Mom and Son Incest Rape Porn Hidden Cam Lesbian Sex Porn Legeand of Zelda Porn Game Cat Fucked a Girl Porn Video I Fucked My Neighbors Teen Daughter Porn Hairy Bbw Threesome Porn Izuku X Inko Porn Comic Big Black Monster Porn Nasty Mature Nudist Porn Adult Sex Robot Porn Free 3d Cartoon Porn Tube Japanese Creampie Rape Porn Big Gay Cartoon Ass Porn Porn Lesbian Beeg Fuck My Wife Free Porn Video Pokemon Alolan Furry Porn Lesbian Porn Young Kids Get Caught P9rn Porn Cartoon Black Cat Porn Hub Amateur Bbw Pegging Porn Games Inoss Desire Free Porn on Amazon Video Watching Porn With Dad Alternates to Porn for Teen Boys Black Cock Porn Chubby Women Gif Mature Hidden Amateur Porn African Porn Sex Pics List of the Best Milf Porn Stars Persian Porn Xxx Steven Universe Porn Raping Amythest My Boyfriend Wants Me to Suck Black Guys Off Porn Dad Creampies Virgin Porn Free Ebony Babysitter Porn Best Japanesr Porn Schoolgirl Porn Threesome Blonde Young Teen Xxx Porn Online Brother Fucks Sister Inlaw Escort Porn Big Tit Teacher Anime Porn English Joymii Porn Hd Old Man Young Girl Sex Porn Watch Eli Molina Porn Old Man Slut Daughter Upskirt Porn Porn Lesbian Strapon Blonde Brunette Bed Mnf Legally Blonde Porn Virtual Sex Porn Hd Lily Lemon Hardcore Porn Free Porn Fast Cum Completion Large Dicks Cumin Freeporn Harcore Black on White Gay Full Porn Streaming Amateur Interracial Porn Movies Old Tv Porn Kelsi Monroe First Porn Gay Male Ghb Drugged Porn Videos Most Advanced 3d Porn Best Interracial Comic Porn Porn Femdom Gif Forced Eye Rolling Orgasm Porn Pictures Milf Fuck Free Barely Teen Porn Best Teen Porn Videos Shock Teen Porn Nay Porn Mature Arianny Koda Porn Pics Xxx Vista Porn Bbw Small Waist Big Tits Pornstar Porn Dbz Female Porn Gay Korean Boy Porn Mature Alexa Porn Best Porn Movies on Parents Teaches Teen Bbw Amateur Porn Tattoo White Girls Eating Black Ass Porn Porn Big Tit Bus Envy Porn Bbc Interracial Black Daughter Issues Porn Japanese Swimming Uniform Porn Tube Taboo Porn Mom Needs Your Dick Xxx Large Porn Spanish Spiking Shemale Porn Best Porn Browser Games Reddit Taboo 4 Porn Movie Find Free Porn Videos Spanish Boy and Woman Porn Rape Public Porn Daddy Daughter Threesome Forced Gag Cry Hardcore Porn Real Anime Porn Ppg Comic Porn Lesbian Squirting Porn Gif Anal Lesbian Porn Big Dildos Huge Tit Doctor Gives Patient Fuck Therapy Porn Milf Big Titis Full is Porn Porn Movie Good Story Guy Just Smoking Showing Off Porn Men Free Japanese Porn Video Online Experimental Gay Sex Between Friends Porn Homemade Virtual Porn Free Lesbian Hentai Porn Beautiful and Sexy Lesbian Porn Rocco Gay Porn Star Porn Guy Cream Pies His Gf Bet Friend Extreme Gay Porn Videos Paradise Porn Games English Porn Movie Com Christine Lutz Porn Pics Step Dad Punishes Daughter for Smoking Porn Deviantart Family Cartoon Porn Ugly Guy Teen Has Sex Video Porn Girl Gets Fucked by Pool One Guy Porn Dad Watching Porn With Son and Get Horny Busty Teen Likes It Big Porn Videos Do Guys Need Porn to Masterbate Free Porn Video My Dude Girlfriend Real Gay Porn Videos 329 Girls Do Porn Porn Very Little Girl Homemade Ameteur Porn American Hd Free Porn Austin Taylor Porn Tube Redhead School Anal Porn Thick Ebony Tranny Porn Big Boob Gang Bang Porn Kitty Rae White Porn Eroticax Porn Tube Porn Petite Pics Young M.a Directed a Porn Reddit Karnataka Sex Porn Xxx Son Mom Porn Porn Star Cries During Dp With Bbc Japenese Wife Forced to Have Sex Porn Videos Howard Stern Show Brother Sister Porn Video Best African Gay Porn Populaur Cartoon Porn Best Indian New Porn Sites Shemale Stripper Club Porn 2 or More Girls Puke Porn Big Ass Buetiful Porn Pictures Sister Perv Porn Best Movies on Porn Hub Why Do Guys Look at Porn Site Virtualrealporn.com Virtual Real Porn Porn Movie Studio Super White Girl Porn Muslim Boy Porn Gay Hawaii Porn Girls Creampie Turn Porn Old Bi Sex Porn Indian Real Porn Free Girls Sucking and Titfucking Dick Porn Short Hot Girl Porn Best Free Teen Gay Porn Delivery Guy Gets Fucked Porn Videos Border Patrol Anal Reality Porn Site Cat Sucking Dick Anf Purring Furry Porn Anal Stocking Ass Heart Tattoo Porn Free Teen Creampie Porn Videos Japanese Lesbian School Girl Porn Hard Strapon Vibrator Gay Porn Noises Older Mature Black Man Masturbates Porn I Was Forced to Get Deflowered Porn Girl Torchiring a Guy Porn Porn Japanese Hd Free 2 Guys 1 Girl Porn Pics Maddue Fenton Porn Cartoon What is Expansion of Cfnm Milf and Much More Porn Rod Spunkel White Diesel Porn
submitted by Lenda22Julgo to Home_Made_Fun [link] [comments]
2020.07.20 16:09 20Julgewgaw Hidden cam guy delivery
| Ametaur Milf Porn Gif Long Anal Strapon Porn Video Bbc Porn Addict Sissy Tumblr Ebony Hidden Crackhead Porn Three Cougars Fucking One Guy Porn Hub Dad Helps Grandaughter Porn Hardcore Nylon Porn Free Adult Male Porn Old Teen Porn Clips White Snake Legend Porn Brazzers Ebony Lesbian Porn Pov Raped by Girl Porn Free Downloads Mobile Porn Video Painful Rape Porn I Fuck Mature Hairy Pussies and Cum in Them Porn Best Outdoor Porn Sites Hairy Balls Tube Porn Hottest Ebony Porn Ever Stressed Son Cartoon Porn Comic Reddit Hottedt Porn Best Hot Booty Ass Buttfuck Porn Star Cops Gianna Michaels Porn Sex Raven Milf Granny Handjob Porn Hindi Porn Comics Read Online Free No Data Hardcore Porn Homemade North Carolina Free Young Brother Sister Porn Furry Fucking Machine Porn Foxy Gay Forced While Sleeping Porn Porn Video I Like Too Fack Very Old Pussy Http Www.xvideos.com K Crab Porn Xxx Hugetits Yourlust Porn Movie Asian Thumbs Porn Pics Bbw Ass Doggy Porn Best South African Porn Website Free Tiny Teen Porn Clips Brooke Heavenly Tits Porn Japanese Gay Porn Actor Helen Parr Violet Porn Pic Huge Dick Gay Porn Xxx Porn Free Games Celeb Hardcore Porn Pics Hd Poshto Xxx Porn Library Female Masturbation Porn Free Hd 69 Porn 2016 Teen Porn Star Movies Medieval Torture 2 Torture Xxx Porn Video English Conversation Learn Speaking Porn Movie Angell Summers Teacher Porn Hd Sister Can't Say No Porn Big Dick in the World Porn Femal Army Dreess Teens Free Porn Xnxx Movies Real Taboo Fucked Up Porn Webcomic Porn Daddy Forced Free Hermaphrodite Porn Movies French Girl Anal Porn Sativa Rose 4 Dick Anal Porn Best Camel Toes Porn Persian Porn Gay Candy N15 Teen Porn Hd Xhamster Asian Reality Tubes Porn Mature Rough Son Porn Sex Saddle Porn Amateur Blonde Yvonne Porn Pics Stepdaughter Watches Porn With Dad Porn Download Mp4 Hd Best Latina Milf Porn Adultdvdtalk Best Porn Debuts Furry Bambi Deer Porn Niki Skyler Porn Reddit Lesbian Succubus Porn Asian Ass Porn Reddit Aftershock Porn Movie Casting Mom Dad &daughter Porn Muslim Girl Gets Rape Porn Porn Gay Chubby Mature Free Porn Small Tits Intruder Rapes Sleeping Woman Porn Films Porn Good Plots Reddit Chem Gay Porn Bdsm Anal Porn Joanna Angel Hardcore Porn Asian Hardcore Porn Xvideos Forcefully Hard Fuck Bloody Porn Red Male Porn Star 1st Class Porn Tube Porn Indian Sex Hd White Teen Sex Porn Amateur Allure Porn Blonde Naughty in Law Porn Comics Forced Crossdress Porn Captions Mom and Son Gets Naked Porn Porn Ebony Jada Kiss With Braids at Grocery Elena Koshka Dad Porn South Indian Best Porn Taylor Fairchild Girls Do Porn Interracial Big Booty Mom and Daughter Porn Blonde Granny Porn Tubes Boy Fuck Like a Girl Porn Site Thunder Thighs Porn Pics Bailey Brooke Watching Porn Wioth Dad Deep Ass Porn Comics 3 Girl's and Jason Lee West Porn Barbara Vasconcellos at Porn Pics Slim Porn Anal Lesbian Interactive Porn Large Tits Curvy Porn Sly Cooper Cartoon Porn Space Waifu Game Porn Www Xxx Indian Rupli Hd Porn White T Shirt Nipples Porn Best Taboo Porn Sites Beastility Sex Porn Hd Porn Dino Asia Carrera Flash Delivery Guy Porn Shy Latina and Her Big Tit Gf First Time Porn Real Incest Porn Auditions France Treesome Porn Movies Female Transformer Porn Big Ass Latina Porn Pics Hd Nun Porn Videos Mature Erotic Porn for Women 3d Porn Horse Breeder Magical Sleepover Porn Xxx Cartoon Music Porn Www.young Porn Xxx Vidoes First Time Porn Scene Mom Comes Into Sons Room in the Night Porn Big Dick Cock Porn Real People Having Sex No Porn Vids German Blonde Porn Lake Derty Talking Milf Porn Dad is Sleeping Porn Videos Hd Vzech Porn Black Guy Gay Porn Transexual Anal Porn Lesbian Alice Wonderland Porn Big Fat Ghetto Booty Porn Midget Creampie Porn Reddit Porns Black Women Gangbang Porn Homemade Pantyhose Teasing Porn Porn Mom Missionary Mom Neighbor Porn Top Free Hmemade Mature Porn Sites Teen Boys Handmaid Japan Cosplay Porn Porn Forced Porn Gangbang Teen Porn Pics Hq Girls Do Porn Hd Full 70 Year Old Sex Addicts Porn Movie Year of Release Big Booty Skinny White Girls Porn Are You Fucking My Best Friend Porn Tall Guy and Short Chicks Porn Black Nurse Porn Tube Bik Dig Anal Porn Xxx Dad Waiting for Water Porn Best Soft Core Porn on Hulu Groped Asian Woman in White Pants Porn Chubby Blond Ts Porn Cum in Ass Porn Game Little Black Girls Porn Videos Sister and Frustrated Brother Porn Free Iphone Milf Porn Sexy Latino Boys Porn Little Female Big Pussy Porn Male Seed Collector Porn 12 Things You Can Learn About Sex From Porn Stars Marvel Universe 3d Porn Video Teen Forced Monster Cock Detruction Porn Courtney Dunlap Milf Gallery Porn Download Porn Free Gull Hd Mom Bangsteen Porn Vidios Girls Gymnastics Porn Old Asian Tits Felt Porn Vr Porn Angela White Torrent Gay Anal Dog Knot Porn Every Porn Tube Real Amateur Blonde Porn Bella Net Girl Porn Mom Dad Sister in Law Porn Free Porn Sites to Watch Videos Female Agent Porn Tied Fucke Beauty Girl Hd Xxx Sex Porn Movie Dorm Room Porn Tube Porn Incest Creampie Old Man Bath Porn Mom and Her Lover Make Daughter Join in Porn One Guy Porn Latins Chick White Guy Porn Black Girls Porn Site in Las Vegas My Dads Best Friend Xxx Gay Porn Xxx Sexy Porn Strip Tease Porn Stories Reddit Nymph Strange Porn Gifs Reddit Gay Black Men Porn White Guy Pokemon Porn Comic One Summer Afternoon Couch Porn Blonde 90's Full Movie Porn Animated Gif Sagging Tits Doggy Style Porn Free Porn Black Burgular With Monster Cock Rapes Girl Sister Blackmails Siter Porn Aliz Anal Porn Indian Hard Porn Sex Thai Porn Gay Retro Free Porn Video Redhead Porn Reddit Gif Porn Girls Getting Fucked Hardcore by Horses Free Porn Movies and Pictures Porn Reality Kings Ebony Laundry Real Bizarro Gay Porn Max Hardcore Free Porn Teen Sister Squirt Anal Porn Purnning Pain Anal Forced Tools Scream Free Porn Free Porn Boy Friend Made Me Eat My Sister Fuckzy Porn Tits Free Porn Huge White Cock Hardcore Anal Fisting Porn Rape Baiting Porn Bbc Porn Music Favorite Compliation Ebony Wife Told Him Wait Over There Porn Best Urban Amatuer Porn Site Rape Maid Porn Cartoon Rape Porn English Big Cocks Fucking Tight Assholes Gay Porn Free Lesbian Porn Hentai Big Ass Brazilian Sun Porn Xray Creampie Porn Queer Furry Porn Black Porn Acctress Tatoos Show Me Your Dick Porn Free Porn Adriana Chechik Anal Creampies Like Father Llike Boy Gay Porn Tricked Blonde Daughter Porn Porn Step Sister and Her Friends Free Gilf Lesbian Porn Hidden Cam Teen Porn Gf Revenge Free Long Porn Video Best Black Head Porn Gay Son Porn 3d Redhead Porn Teen Hamster Porn Best 4k Porn Website German Gay Porn Tube Adultdvdtalk Forum Best Amature Porn Mom and Daughter Stinky Feet Porn Free Lesbian Sex With Dog Porn Bbc in Bubble Butt Gay Porn Big Breasted Chubby Brunette Milf Porn Lizz Tayler Lesbian Porn Porne Pic Blonde Highlight Porn Lesbian Porn With Melania Trump Famous Male Black Porn Artist Nugget Porn Sex Peritian Furry Porn Technophobia Coffee Cartoon Porn Bare Skinny Gay Boys Porn Porn Mom & Boy Free Porn Woman Rape Women Gay Porn Huge White Cock Halem Hook Up Aolreal Incest Mom Suck Off Son Porn Best Fucking Porn Gif Cartoon Interracial Beach Cheating Porn Old John Oldje Porn Dad Small Pussy Porn My Gfs Best Friend Porn Showing Porn Images for Shota 3d Ga Porn Tushy Anal Porn Top Muslum Female Porn Stars Leigh Darby Porn Tube Violent Hardcore Rape Porn Bestgore Free Porn Hub Ebooy Ex Ebony Edinburgh Latina Mexican Homemade Porn Hot Sex Porn Indonesia Reddit Porn Smiling Fucking Mom on Halloween Porn Trailer Trash Porn Movies 101 Dalmatians Anime Comics Porn Best Natural Porn of 2016 Danie Daniel Hd Porn Videos Girl Sold Raped Porn Reality Kings Playing Game Porn Dad Stepdaughter Incest Porn Lesbian Hd Porn Download Dragon Female Porn Cartoon Superhero Porn Comics Karlee Gray Bbc Monster Cock Porn Cougar Girl Porn Mom Son Incest Porn Game Adam Russo Gay Porn Pussy Daughter Big Tits Porn American Dad Porn Hayley and Roger Best Free Daily Porn Timo Hardy Rapes Porn Big Booty Porn Gif Animated Mature Gay Bareback Porn Cougar Boy Porn Oily Femal Ejaculating Porn in Hd Haley Cummings Creampie Porn Gay Kissing Porn Tube Big Booty Down Teen Porn Gisselle Palmer Porn Videos Hd Guys Peeing Nude Porn Old Gay Daddy Feminine Porn Sites Porn Milf Skullfuck Family Guy Priscilla Porn College Girl Porn Sex Best Underground Porn Sites Clary Made Lesbian Porn Porn Hub Popper Bator Boys Comic Cartoon Animal Porn Young Incest Henti Cartoon Porn Videos Black Ebony Gangbang Porn Teens Loove Anal Porn Tube Free Teen Ass Porn Pics Become a Trans Woman Porn Pics Captions Porn Star Fucks Average Guy Madison Scott Christmas Porn Amateur Allure Old Wife Pics Porn Skinny Mature Brunette Porn Free Porn Mature 69 Threesome Deepthroat Celeste Game Madeline Porn Pornhub South Sex Porn Videos Big Boobb Porn 3d Tentacle Porn Svarog Prison Male Feminized Porn Busty Thick Blonde Milf Porn Gay Straight Porn Tumblr Hypnotized Teen Porn Moms Preganet Porn Www Porn Arab Sex My Mom and Grandpa Fucking Porn Allen Silver Gay Porn 8èstep Sister Watces Porn Kim Kardashian Porn Videos Free Download Asian Strip Porn Pics Clowns With Big Cocks Porn Tumblr Vsmnd 3d Futa Porn Supergirl Porn Sex Best Cock Sucking Porn Videos Women Sucking Dog Dicks Porn Vids Bbc Ebony Solo Porn Bbc the Dark Side of Porn Asian Thainee Porn Pics Camping With Dad Gay Porn Dad Fucks His Daughter Porn Videos Homemade Pegging Porn Watch Free Hd Lesbian Porn Maid Porn Comics Bollywood Actor Porn Movie 3d Venom Porn Video Fine Ebony Amateur Smash Porn Sexy Hot Black Girl Porn Lesbian Porn Tomboy Brother With Sister Porn Movies Small Body Girl Big Tit Porn Atk Drunk Porn Pics You Porn Outdoor Sex Behind the Scenes Gay Porn Videos Girl Turned Lesbian Porn Leather Dad Porn Husband Let's Black Guy Fuck His Wife Ass Porn Brother Sister Twin Porn Hidden Creampie Porn Kay Parker Hd Porn Free Porn Video 16 9 Year Old Porn Real Mother Son Porn Team Blonde Milf Porn Cumshot Porn Forum Daphne Rosen Rape Force Nerdy Fat Bbw Porn Best Way to Find Porn of Obscure Fetish Mandy Flores Step Sister Caught Porn Blu Girl Porn Karii White Porn Paris Porn Movis Amateur Black Teen Webcam Porn Tommy Haine Gay Porn Aged Chubby Colombians Moms Porn Photos Gallery Lesbian Park Porn Danny Phantom Porn Pics Valerie Indian Bbw Porn Com Gay Porn Muscle Growth Comic Jumbo Juice Celebrity Hardcore Porn Doggystyle Forced Big Cocks on Me Porn Rapes Mature in Garage Porn Rape Cry Video Porn Big Brown Tit Porn Pics Gay Rape Comic Porn Bearded Male Porn Rough Sex Young Teen Latin Porn Xxxx Free Porn Pics Atlanta Bbw Porn Hot Hairy Milf Porn Hd Cock Sucking Porn Cuckold Porn Pics Breading White Women Porn Long White Cock Porn Porn Fetish Hardcore Tattoo Pawg Milf Porn Vids Curvy Big Tits Hd Porn Movies|
submitted by 20Julgewgaw to Dino_Blue [link] [comments]
2020.06.12 20:11 subreddit_stats Hidden cam delivery guy
Period: 262.19 days
|Rate (per day)||3.79||37.80|
Generated with BBoe's Subreddit Statssubmitted by subreddit_stats to subreddit_stats [link] [comments]
2020.06.12 19:49 subreddit_stats Cam hidden delivery guy
Period: 262.19 days
|Rate (per day)||3.79||37.80|
Generated with BBoe's Subreddit Statssubmitted by subreddit_stats to subreddit_stats [link] [comments]
2019.12.28 17:31 BasementGP How to build a sim racing rig using a real car inside your house.
| I created a post yesterday without a good understanding of the rules and it was removed. So I wanted to try once more having read ALL of the rules, and hopefully, this post will stay up and help any of you who plan on putting a car into your house for whatever reason. |
Here is my 1 link to my Youtube channel where you can see the actual build video and other parts of the project: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CEe6UzLbsP0&list=PLEA3EIOZeXB0gPYUXJK9lGfQqXeakgV3k
Cliff Notes: Step 1- Buy a car Step 2- Strip car down so that all that is left are the welds holding the chassis together Step 3- Strategically decide where you can make cuts that allow the car to be bolted back together and be hidden by body trim pieces Step 4- Use a Sawsall and metal demon cutting blade to slice the car into small enough pieces that you can get them through doorways and around corners. Step 5- Pressure was the car parts BEFORE moving them inside Step 6- Reassemble car using metal bracing and self-taping sheet metal screws Step 7- Install Simulator components (Steering wheel, Pedals, etc) Step 8- Install Monitor Step 9- Install Computer Step 10- Install software Step 11- Have fun!
I have always wanted to build a sim rig. I don't care about being a pro racer. I don't think I will be scouted by an F1 team, I just wanted to build a rig to have some fun. I looked at a few rig frames, seats, etc and thought it was crazy how expensive some could be. After looking through the options, I decided I wanted to try and do something different, I thought it would be fun to build a sim rig using a real car. I wanted to take it a step further than a sim in the garage though, I wanted to deconstruct a car and reconstruct it in my basement. I have built a lot of cars for street and track, and I know very well how easy it is for a car project to turn into a pile of parts, so I had to carefully plan out the process before I got in too deep.
The first thing I needed was a budget. I set the dollar amount to $1000 thinking I could find a decent shell or front end damaged car that I could cut up and build. I looked and looked, but didn't see anything that was interesting enough to spend the time on regardless of the price, so I decided to up the budget to $2,000 in hopes of finding something really cool. I wanted a convertible because it would be a lot easier to cut up and reassemble with hopes of the panels lining back up after being cut. It only took me a week at the $2000 budget to find a really clean e36 M3 vert with a full interior and was complete, other than the engine and trans. This was perfect for me because I was going to have to remove the drivetrain for the project regardless. I called the guy, got him down to $1800 delivered to me (local delivery), and was excited to had found such a cool car for the project. I called the guy later to arrange delivery only to find out he had sold the car out from under me.
I kept looking for a while and eventually found a 2005 Mini Cooper S advertised as running, but with some issues for $2000. I called and asked about the issues and he said the timing was off. I told him that likely meant it had bent valves and I would give him $1,000 for the car delivered to my house. He said ok, and the rest is history.
As soon as the car came, it was time to get to work. I started by posting the drivetrain on craigslist to try and recoup some of the $1,000 I had spent on the entire car. Within a day or two I was able to sell all of the parts I didn't want for roughly what I paid for the car. So at that point, I had the car for Free. While the drivetrain was picked apart, I started to strip the car down to the chassis. I removed EVERYTHING that I would not use and either trashed or sold the parts. When I was done, there was a nice blue and white chassis in my garage. I even pulled the windshield and glass.
It took me some time to decide how I wanted to cut the car up to get it through my doorways and down the stairs to the basement. With a convertible, the cuts are a bit easier to make and hide, but with the hardtop mini, I had to be careful with how and where to cut. I was going to use a circular saw to do the work, but then I found an awesome video on Youtube where these guys were cutting trailer hitch balls using a sawzall. The blade they used cut through the ball pretty well and it looked like it didn't lose too much metal, so I decided to buy a DeWalt flexvolt sawzall with a metal demon blade. I was able to completely cut the car down using 2 blades. If I hadn't jackknifed the blade, I probably could have done it all with just one blade too. I was really impressed.
After I cut the car down, I moved it in pieces to the basement. From there, I used metal mending plates and a mixture of bolts and sheet metal screws to put the car back together. To my absolute amazement, it lined up very well and all of the original bolts lined right up. Even the seat mounts lined right up. The hardest part of it all was getting the roof back on. I knew it would be hard, and it was the only thing that required a lot of force to line back up and bolt back on.
Once the car was reassembled, It was time to do the fun stuff, installing the electronics. I started with mounting the steering wheel/ wheel base. I had a friend weld me a collar and tap holes into it so that I could bolt it to the original dash support bar where the old steering column mounted. The main issue with this is that there is no telescoping or adjustment, so the wheel sits maybe half an inch too low, but one day I will make adjustments to the seat so I can lower myself that way rather than re welding the dash.
After installing the wheel and Pedals, I worked on fitting the monitor to the car. Originally I cut the dash so the monitor support could go through it, but later I removed the support and tucked the monitor inbetween the a pillars and used industrial velcro to hold the monitor in place. I also used a heavy black material similar to carpet to make a hood for the monitor to block out the outside light.
Once that was all in, I put the computer in the engine bay on some tiles, wired everything up and installed the software for iracing, dirt rally 2.0, assetto corsa, forza horizon 4 (for the neighbor kids), and project cars 2.
Since completing the car, I have also installed two logitech streamer cams as well as the Buttkicker Bass Shaker in the driver seat.
Although the car is "Done" now, I am sure it will continue to evolve as I come up with new ideas on how to improve it, but this post should give you the gist of the project.
Here are the specs: 2005 MINI Cooper SCPU: Intel - Core i9-9900K 3.6 GHz 8-Core ProcessorCPU Cooler: Cooler Master - Hyper 212 RGB Black Edition 57.3 CFM CPU Cooler Motherboard: Asus - PRIME Z390-A ATX LGA1151Motherboard Memory: Corsair - Vengeance RGB Pro 16 GB (2 x 8 GB) DDR4-3000 MemoryStorage: SanDisk - Ultra 3D 1 TB 2.5" Solid State Drive Video Card: NVIDIA - GeForce RTX 2080 8 GB Founders Edition Video Card Case: Thermaltake - View 37 ATX Mid Tower Case Power Supply: Corsair - CXM 750 W 80+ Bronze Certified Semi-modular ATX Power Supply Operating System: Microsoft - Windows 10 Home OEM 64-bit
Sim Specs: Fanatec Podium DD1 F1 Edition Fanatec V3 Inverted Pedals Samsung chg90 Monitor iPad Pro Running SimHub Buttkicker Mini bass shaker
Rough Project Costs: Car- $0 Hardware to put car back together: $200 Modular Wall- $250 Sim Components- $2000 Monitor- $800 PC- $2500 Stream Cameras- $200 for both Software including DLC for iracing: $1,000
Car when purchased:
Car mostly stripped down to bones:
Parts all together
Car in basement with monitor installed, temporary rubber floor, and modular wall
Driver view pre hood installation
submitted by BasementGP to DIY [link] [comments]
2019.12.08 13:09 nextzero182 I watch a horror movie almost every day, here's the best films I watched in 2019
(2019) Midsommar 9.5/10
This movie isn’t for everyone and I don’t mean that in a pretentious way. I do think almost anyone can understand the plot, the subtext and motifs strewn throughout. However, the way it’s presented, isn’t always traditionally palatable. Astor is just such a student and fan of film that you can see this kaleidoscope of homages and influences throughout this movie, all while making it feel like his own project. Florence Pugh really surprised me. She had huge shoes to fill and my favorite aspects of the film were brought to light through her performance. Her character arc is the entire movie and I really felt like I related to her character, while being terrified by how much I also didn’t relate to her, if that makes any sense. This is just a movie you need to see for yourself.
(2019) Us 9/10
I’m thankful that I can say, put simply, this film lived up to the hype. I was slightly concerned that it was going to be Peele’s attempt at a home invasion horror movie but the script is spectacularly original and I can say with all honesty, it’s very unpredictable. I love how it’s once again, like his previous film, set in an idyllic location. It opens with tons of effective humor, coupled with the cheery atmosphere; its inviting nature just makes the tonal switch hit that much harder.
(2019) Little Monsters 8/10
Lupita is absolutely exceptional. She blew me away in Us and she blew me away here. Her performance, character and delivery are so exceptionally genuine here. Really everyone is fantastic. Josh Gad and Alexander England are hilarious and deliver some really witty dialogue. It's just a surprisingly sweet and funny zombie movie. I loved it.
(2019) Furie 7/10
(2019) Godzilla: King of the Monsters 7/10
(2019) Glass 8.5/10
M. Night’s superhero universe is so special to me simply because it’s different. He took the task of creating and growing these characters in a realistic space, which wasn’t guaranteed to work. It’s pretty much universally agreed that Unbreakable is a fantastic film and Split while respected, was divisive. Now with Glass, everything has only become even more divisive as this universe is fully established. I respected this film so much for not hiding behind itself, the entire plot puts all three characters in the forefront and shines light on all their strengths and weaknesses. It’s clear James McAvoy is the star though. His performance is absolutely incredible.
(2019) Ma 7/10
(2019) Crawl 7.5/10
(2019) I Am Mother 8/10
I Am Mother is an incredible sci-fi horror film that while borrowing from previous successes, manages to add a whole new human element that makes it unique. I thought Clara Rugaard did a great job. My initial thoughts were that the role didn’t require much but the subtleness of her role arguably required a greater effort than a traditional dramatic role.
(2018) Dragged Across Concrete 8/10
S. Craig Zahler is unlike any other filmmaker out there. His style is akin to an NFL ref who really doesn’t care to step-in too much to call penalties. His films are lengthy because he really just likes, natural, raw, uncut scenes and that aspect is pleasantly subversive to traditional filmmaking. It comes with some potential pitfalls like actual missed editing (more so complete omission) opportunities of certain scenes and overall this project can seem too long. Despite the length though, it kept me engaged the entire time and has such a unique, albeit potentially racist perspective.
(2018) Lords of Chaos 8.5/10
I've been a black metal fan forever and this is a biography-ish (who knows what actually went down exactly) film about the band Mayhem. Man, some scenes are so brutal and dark bur most importantly, I loved how it portrayed most of these dudes as neo-nazi incels. I still fucking love Burzum and Mayhem but I'm glad they got this one right. Rory Culkin is pretty fantastic in his role and I feel like the horror community should be interested in this.
(2018) Incident in a Ghostland 9/10
I’m so grateful for a psychological horror film of this magnitude and frankly, the best twist since the M. Night-era. I’m filled with questions but ultimately I thought it was one of the smartest films of the year. I found the sound design to really play into the gut-wrenching meat of this project and it’s something I could discuss for days. The cinematography is also fantastic, violence is fast and impactful.
(2018) Climax 8/10
The dancing in this film almost feels like it’s intertwined with every aspect of both the story and the production. It’s almost hypnotizing at times and evolves eventually into a brutally intense sequence of dizzying follow-cam style shots as you watch these incredible performers contorting their bodies. It all eventually sort of decays as characters separate and reality from the drugged-up trip seems to blur. Actual horrible things are happening in real life but because these characters are consumed by delusion. I think people need to watch this and just sit with it for a bit before forming an opinion; I definitely needed to.
(2018) The House That Jack Built 9.5/10
In my mind, this is Lars Von Trier’s masterpiece and Matt Dillon’s best performance to date. It’s hands down the most fun, engaging, darkly humorous, disturbing, bleak and creative film I’ve seen in a long time.
(2018) Braid 8/10
Braid is a fantastic film and one that I can’t jump to compare to anything else. It’s such a fresh new take on the psychological horror genre. I loved how I actually didn’t understand what was going on in the beginning but was so enamored with the visuals that my attention didn’t waver. The film really excels in storytelling and all three actresses did a great job at selling their roles. It’s one of those great mystery projects that’s hard to talk about because you so badly need to go in blind.
(2018) Venom 7/10
(2018) Head Count 7.5/10
(2018) The Witch in the Window 8.5/10
First off, this film has the funniest fucking spotlight negative review on iMDB about a festering rotten cup of piss and I love that. Unfortunately, or fortunately rather, I wholeheartedly disagree. It was one the most emotionally impactful movies I’ve seen in months. The cinematography is so clean and correlates with the tight knit story itself. Nothing is hidden; the dialogue and visuals are very much the focus. It blends scary with intriguing in a way that’s truly unpredictable.
(2018) The Strangers: Prey at Night 7/10
(2018) Suspiria 9/10
It’s definitely a lengthy film but the narrative is fantastic. The visuals are muted in stark juxtaposition to the original but they’re so fucking raw and twisted that it works. There’s also several performances to note, Tilda Swinton, Mia Goth and our lead of course, Dakota Johnson. I don’t think there’s any competing with Goblin’s original soundtrack for Argento’s film but Thom Yorke did a good job. It took a re-watch to fully appreciate his work but I like that it’s different and very melancholy.
(2018) The Man Who Killed Hitler and Then The Bigfoot 7.5/10
(2018) Bird Box 8/10
The creature design in this film is so incredibly unique and almost intangible at points. It’s not without its minor flaws, such as some shoe-horned characters and flirtations with over-used tropes but they don’t seem to detract from the big picture.
(2018) Hold the Dark 8/10
Jeremy Saulnier is an incredible director, usually putting forth visceral experiences that both speak for themselves and hit the viewer hardest from a visually artistic standpoint. Hold the Dark is completely different. It contains the same expert level cinematography, sound design and photography but where it differs is its story driven aspects. The tale of this film so-to-speak, is fucking insane.
(2018) Halloween 8/10
I absolutely loved this movie, if not simply for the fact that it balanced that difficulty of paying homage to the original series, while using modern techniques to elevate it. It’s extremely well-produced but still forces itself to break away from the obscured angles and macro shots to give us these raw, long follow-cam sequences.
(2017) The Crescent 7/10
(2017) Cold Skin 7/10
(2017) Jungle 8/10
For a religious-themed film about survival and hope, McLean did decide to pull from his horror-film roots for the most intense, seemingly hopeless portions of the film. The ominous music, tense visuals and crushing psychological twist is for me, what sets it apart from many other films of the same vein.
(2017) Pyewacket 8.5/10
I fucking love occult horror and this film was downright scary. That’s truly one of the greatest accomplishments because I don’t usually get scared watching horror films anymore. It’s somewhat of a slow burn but in a way that really creeped me out.
(2017) A Ghost Story 9.5/10
It’s really difficult to put into words why I loved this movie so much because it was less about the mechanics and more about that way it made me feel. I never thought I would come close to crying watching Rooney Mara eat pie for what seemed like a half hour but here we are. It’s an arthouse film. They fuck with the aspect ratio. They fuck with every shot, oftentimes by not fucking with it at all. It was touching to me; sweet at times, dark, lonely and ultimately hard hitting.
(2017) The Bar 7.5/10
(2017) Tigers Are Not Afraid 9/10
It didn’t even really register to me that even films that portray the Cartel in the most violent way, still tend to be glorifying the culture. This film weighs the innocence of childhood directly against the gang’s ruthless nature to deliver a seriously moving project. I absolutely loved the art direction and cinematography. There’s a certain simplicity to it all which seems to oscillate between endearing, depressing and terrifying. The child actors are also remarkable, I’m not sure how these directors manage to even find them. The story is really tight-knit as well, which makes the pacing almost impeccable. Scene after scene, the film just gets more “real” while also losing itself in fantasy. It’s just wonderful.
(2016) Sam Was Here 9/10
Never in my 4 years of reviewing on here have as so firmly disagreed with an iMBD score but this movie is fucking fantastic. It's evil, it's mysterious, well shot, well acted and one of the most suspenseful films I've seen this year. I was absolutely rocked by the ending and I have nothing left to say. The mystery is the most fun part so just go watch it and pay attention to detail.
(2016) Are We Not Cats 8/10
This is a film that, at least for me, beckoned some further understanding or hidden meaning. Now that I sit with it though, I've very satisfied with the experience. It felt desolate yet intimate, gross, strange and helpless. I feel like it's a fantastic project about acceptance, hardship and empathy. It seems like it was comprised with all amateur actors and filmmakers but I'm impressed with every aspect of the film.
(2015) Southbound 7/10
(2015) Baskin 8/10
The first 40 minutes are a horror-filled dreamlike sequence of dialogue only. Given the explicit nature this film eventually gets into, the fact that it’s my favorite portion of the film says so much about the quality of this script.
(2015) Remember 9.5/10
This is an absolutely enthralling and heartbreaking revenge film. It’s the type of movie where I don’t want to mention a single detail about the story because the story is the entire film. The acting and script are top notch; cinematography clean and focused. It’s one of the most immersive experiences I’ve seen this year and something that felt hard to even pause.
(2014) Tusk 7/10
(2014) Dead Snow 2: Red vs. Dead 7/10
(2014) The One I Love 7.5/10
(2014) Life After Beth 7/10
(2014) Honeymoon 8/10
There is definitely overt horror as the film climaxes but it’s a very performance driven film. Rose Leslie is to thank for that that, her character is genuine and believable throughout. Harry Treadaway deserves a mention too because he’s great as well. It’s really the contrasting highs and lows of their on-screen relationship that build tension and create this anxious atmosphere.
(2014) Creep 7/10
(2014) As Above So Below 7/10
(2014) Girl House 7/10
(2013) I Spit on Your Grave 2 7/10
(2013) Horns 8.5/10
This film has so many different faces and it’s an absolute grab-bag of emotions depending on what scene you to choose to examine. The reason that mix isn’t to its detriment though is because that constant tonal shift if present throughout the entire fucking film. I love religious based horror like this and this sort of filled me with that wide-eyed fascination that Erremenatri gave me.
(2013) V/H/S 2 7.5/10
(2013) Coherence 8/10
I absolutely love this movie. I’ll be upfront in saying it’s difficult to talk about without spoiling anything. However, I genuinely found the events that transpire during this normal dinner party setting to be unsettling.
(2013) Bad Milo 8/10
This movie is so fucking funny. As a person with anxiety and acid reflux, it was just wonderful. Ken Marino was absolutely hilarious and it’s one of the most ridiculous films of the decade.
(2013) Afflicted 8/10
The found footage genre isn’t new but a version dominated by POV shots, such as this one, is less common. In this instance, it works incredibly well. Considering I’m writing this in 2019, it’s a damn shame directors Derek Lee and Clif Prowse haven’t released another film. They’re such standout filmmakers, writers and even solid actors as well. The story itself isn’t mind-blowing but it’s absolutely engaging and definitely not a weak spot. I feel like without it the production efforts would have felt gimmicky but as an entire package, the film is a vicious, fun ride.
(2012) Vamps 7.5/10
(2012) V/H/S 8/10
Anthologies are one of my favorite mediums to consumer horror but can also be the most difficult to pull off. This film has writing and directing credits in the double digits and with that many creative minds working together as well as separately, it’s very common for a portion of the film to fall short. V/H/S is incredibly special for defying this common pitfall by delivering shorts that are diverse but consistent in quality.
(2012) The Bay 7.5/10
(2012) Sinister 8/10
I found Sinister to be a perfect blend of bleakness and scary. It has some effective jump scares to reel in that horror, cinematic experience but also casually injects some incredibly fucked-up content. For a wide-released, ultra-popular horror film, it pushes the limits quite a bit. The fount footage aspects are the best part. Ethan Hawke is great and everything but there’s something about these tapes, coupled with very eerie audio that just throw you off balance.
(2011) You’re Next 7/10
(2011) Apollo 18 7/10
(2011) The Cabin in the Woods 9/10
It’s literally a statement on the instability of the horror genre itself. The production is fantastic and however goofy it may seem, it’s actually thrilling. The film has the ability to create and break stereotypes simultaneously.
(2011) Source Code 8.5/10
I always pay attention to films that require a character to accept an entirely new reality. With a normal films runtime, it can be difficult to balance that pacing of that sort of character development. This film is a great example of it done right. Gyllenhaal’s characters’ reluctance vs. acceptance are two aspects that work in tandem throughout most of the film. It’s a very human and a definite point of praise.
(2010) The Crazies 7.5/10
(2010) Tucker and Dale vs Evil 8.5/10
This movie is one long gag but it’s both completely genius and absolutely hilarious. It’s truly a masterpiece of satirical meta-horror.
(2010) I Spit on Your Grave 9/10
This is the most gruesome, violent revenge film I’ve seen to date and a shining example of a movie that holds back nothing. It’s 50 min of an elongated rape scene followed by a Hellraiser level revenge sequence that will make the most seasoned horror fans wince.
(2009) Zombieland 8/10
This is an incredible zombie film and despite feeling like a time-capsule of 2009, the core components still hold up really well. It’s a short, sweet, easily digestible and simply, fun to watch. I love all four main characters but the dynamic between Eisenberg and Woody was my favorite. Woody in particular is fucking hilarious and oftentimes I felt as if his energy actually was actually the backbone of the entire film.
(2009) Jennifer’s Body 7.5/10
(2009) Triangle 8/10
It’s a movie that’s strangely simplistic while being really complex. There’s a ton to be gleaned from the details and, outside of the exposition, I actually had the most fun simply pondering what the bigger picture was.
(2008) The Ruins 8/10
I actually had put on this movie looking for a schlocky, vacation horror that I could semi-tune out to but I was so impressed. I feel like I’m the first person to say this but I saw a few big connections to Annihilation. There’s some super creepy shit with plants and relevant to that, a very familiar misdirection. The gore is also fantastic.
(2007) The Poughkeepsie Tapes 7/10
(2007) Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street 7.5/10
(2007) 1408 9.5/10
John Cusack helms what to me is one of the scariest haunted house films ever made. It’s a project that breaks free of the traditional tactics and roots itself in psychological horror. I highly recommend this for literally anyone and everyone. It feels like being water-boarded by supernatural/psychological horror and by the end, I felt spent, in the best way possible.
(2007) Stuck 7/10
(2006) Slither 7/10
(2006) Bug 7.5/10
(2006) The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning 7.5/10
(2006) Final Destination 3 7/10
(2006) Hatchet 7.5/10
The predictable characters, campiness and outrageous special effects aren’t just essential to this film but slashers in general. I love Victor Crowley. Does he bear some resemblance to Jason? Sure, I can see it but this inbred mongoloid also happens to have his own unique charm. Despite the film being called “Hatchet”, Victor isn’t afraid to use anything and everything around him to kill.
(2006) Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon 7.5/10
(2005) Hostel 7.5/10
(2005) Doom 7/10
(2005) Shaun of the Dead 9/10
This movie is just wonderful. I find it hilarious on a personal level but also so intelligently funny that it could go down as one of the greatest horror-comedies of all time.
(2005) The Butterfly Effect 8/10
Alright so I watched the director’s cut and wow, I fucking loved it dude. I should note I think it can take an open mind to fully accept and appreciate the new ending but I found it made the entire film much more complex. I highly recommend checking out this version of the movie.
(2004) The Village 8/10
One of the saving graces for this film was the writing of William Hurt’s character. He’s such a uniquely sensitive and honest injection into what lays out on paper as one big deception. M. Night chooses to lift the veils fairly early on about the more thrilling aspects of the film, which is a complaint for many. However, it rightfully reverts the focus back onto the characters in my mind and the sense of desperation that embodies this village. Ultimately what the film represents to me is hope. I’d recommend not listening to what you’ve heard and checking it out for yourself. I think that after over a decade has passed since its misguided marketing, the film deserves a second chance under fresh perspectives.
(2004) Dead Man’s Shoes 8/10
One of my favorite sub-genre’s is revenge horror and this low-budget film implores its characters to be as human as possible. Beyond the veil of violence and even characteristics indicative of slasher films, Considine’s character is a deeply flawed, psychologically broken man. Oftentimes in revenge films, we see this unstoppable omnipotent protagonist fueled by pure rage but here, his fearlessness goes hand-in-hand with recklessness.
(2003) Jeepers Creepers 2 7/10
(2003) House of 1000 Corpses 7.5/10
(2003) Alexandra’s Project 7.5/10
(2003) Scary Movie 3 8/10
As much as both horror and comedy films can succeed without actually being scary or funny, those are still some of the most important aspects. If I’m scared, it’s an effective horror film and the same goes for comedies. Basically what I’m trying to say is that as dumb as a movie like this is, it’s so fucking funny. It also strays away from just making fun of horror with parodies of 8 Mile, which is just delightfully retarded.
(2003) Final Destination 2 7/10
(2002) The Ring 9.5/10
This was one of the scariest fucking movies I saw as a kid and it still is to this day. It also happens to be, what I consider, one of the few powerful uses of grey-scale film in existence. It's bleak, expertly paced and really just pure tension from start to finish. I love everything about this film. Gore did a fantastic job directing but I have a huge amount of respect for Ehren Kruger as well for the screenplay. The original film is iconic but frankly, this is better.
(2001) Jeepers Creepers 8/10
I’d go as far as to say this is the best demonic horror film, post 2000’s. Justin Long is a breakout star. A lot of people shit on him but his wide-eyed looks alone made this film the success it is. He was more successful in portraying fear than most modern actors.
(2001) Dagon 8.5/10
Stuart Gordon doing Lovecraft isn’t something I could ever envision as being anything but fantastic and this film confirmed that. Stuart working with David Marti this time on the visual effects; I can’t even begin to describe how excellent the body-horror is here. It’s fucking fantastic.
(2001) The Others 8/10
It’s a film to be that blends drama with horror in the fashion that tends to suit a really good haunted house film. For me personally, I felt the séance sequence is what stood to me most. It’s not the most violent, lengthy or erratic scenes I’ve seen of its type. However, its reveal and overall fluidity is something that just came off very eerie and hopeless.
(2000) Final Destination 7.5/10
(1999) Sleepy Hallow 7.5/10
(1998) Disturbing Behavior 7.5/20
(1997) Event Horizon 7.5/10
(1996) Scream 9.5/10
Scream just may be the best meta-horror film ever made. It’s so special to me and was probably the film that sparked my fascination with horror. I watched it the year after it came out, at 8-years old, alone in my dark basement. I shut it off after the opening scene with Drew Barrymore and never saw the rest until years later. However, if I had just stuck with it, it actually evolves into this darkly funny, poignant statement on slasher films. I could talk about a ton of performances but Matthew Lillard blows me the fuck away every time I watch this movie. I literally get chills during the climax seeing him become and own this fucking character. He’s just incredible.
(1994) Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein 9/10
Absolutely, hands down the best modern Frankenstein movie I’ve ever seen. Robert De Niro brought life to a character that was fucking meant to have life. It’s one of the most entertaining, gothic interpretations of the original story.
(1992) Army of Darkness 7.5/10
(1991) Sometimes They Come Back 8/10
This is a simple story by King standards but I think it was incredibly effective. It's childhood based and emotionally impactive. It incites bravery with acceptance and mostly, just makes me want to hug my younger brothers.
(1991) The Silence of the Lambs 9.5/10
This film is a model in dialogue-driven horror and both Anthony Hopkins and Jodie Foster are incredible in it. I only say dialogue-driven horror because while the film does stand out in blatant, suspenseful, scary moments; it's the conversations between Clarice and Dr. Lecter that make it so memorable. It just adds this timeless psychological horror element that helps establish it as a classic in my eyes.
(1990) Gremlins 2: The New Batch 7.5/10
(1990) Tales from the Darkside: The Movie 7.5/10
(1989) The Cook, the Thief, His Wife & Her Lover 9/10
This film is so exceptionally cruel. Even when there’s a clear bad guy it seems as if everyone is fighting to get to the bottom. It’s unapologetic, violent, with dynamic characters that thrive on hedonistic impulses. Visually, it’s remarkable. You would think it’s a Giallo film before you heard people speaking non-dubbed English. I’m not just speaking aesthetically too but every color choice and wardrobe decision seems fully intertwined with the film’s central message.
(1989) Intruder 7.5/10
(1988) Following 8/10
Following is actually Nolan’s debut film and seeing that he’s one of my favorite directors, I’m almost mad it took me this long to see it. Shot in black and white, this super low-budget crime-noir, psychological thriller is an incredible feat in storytelling and sets the tone for Nolan as a career director. It features his classic non-linear plot as well as really being a character driven film. For a big-budget director, it’s almost heartwarming to know that he could accomplish something like this on almost nothing. It’s reminiscent of Man Bites Dog and Hitchcock films but very much stylistically, and most importantly, Nolan himself.
(1988) Brain Damage 7/10
(1988) Halloween 4: The Return 7/10
(1988) Beetlejuice 9/10
This film is, head-to-toe, one of Burton’s strangest films to date. Not only is it just a strange original story but the production and overall execution is absolutely insane.
(1987) Evil Dead 2 8.5/10
Just from a technical perspective, everything is so fucking impressive. It’s all basically hand-done, practical effects and the camera work is just remarkable. The film leans more towards the humor side of the series but it does so both intentionally and gracefully.I adore this movie, it’s on par with the original. I don’t think I can necessarily rate it the same from an analytical perspective but from an enjoyment perspective, hell-fucking-yeah dude.
(1987) Angel Heart 8/10
Mickey Rourke is incredible here and it’s simply a satanic, thriller epic. There’s not a huge twist per-say but the entire film slowly reveals something horrible about the main characters.
(1985) Re-Animator 8/10
It’s probably one of the goriest movies of the decade but it’s also endearing in its humor. Don’t get me wrong, it’s brutal. It’s ultra-violent, perversely sexual even but the way fans revere it is what makes it so special.
(1985) Day of the Dead 7.5/10
(1984) Gremlins 7/10
(1983) Cujo 7/10
(1982) Cat People 9/10
I love the original film to death but I couldn’t be more satisfied with the direction this pseudo-remake went in. It’s less of a psychological thriller and more of an erotic, body-horror fever dream. Also features a great score by Giorgio Moroder, as well as an excellent theme song by Bowie.
(1982) Poltergeist 8.5/10
Sans maybe one scene of CGI, this is one of the 80’s best displays of practical effects. I sometimes don’t even think of Tobe Hooper as an elite director until I watch his films and instantly I’m clicked into the magic. I just love how the characters are rough around the edges. The parents smoking weed together and playing around is endearing and humanizing. Humor is strewn throughout very naturally to make the film more fun.
(1981) The House by the Cemetery 8.5/10
People love The Beyond but this film does a much better job at devolving into that hellish landscape from a simplistic approach. The gore is unreal and coupled with his absolute best camera work to date, I can’t see it as anything but his masterpiece.
(1980) Cannibal Holocaust 7.5/10
(1979) Apocalypse Now 9/10
It’s a long film and the scale, especially in certain combat scenes is just fucking huge. I mean the actual production itself, the budget, the scope of this fucking movie is massive. The entire time I was struggling to really understand the narrative, what the actual goal was but really, that confusion was intentional. This is Coppola’s profound statement on the pointlessness, and specifically so, of the Vietnam War. It’s an incredible film and a must watch.
(1977) The Hills Have Eyes 7/10
(1976) Carrie 8.5/10
This film was fantastic. I love Sissy Spacek, she just really embodies this role and it’s one of those performances that I couldn’t see anyone else playing.
(1973) Don’t Look Now 8/10
I felt this film was a great study into ambiguous filmmaking vs overt horror, really relying on the former. There’s tons of fantastic performances suggesting a really sinister narrative, all leading up to a decently insane finale.
(1972) Raw Meat 7/10
(1972) Tales from the Crypt 7.5/10
(1972) The Last House on the Left 8/10
I’ve always respected Wes Craven immensely for both influencing the genre as a whole and also, always having fun with making the films he wanted to make. This film forgoes a lot of traditional horror filmmaking and just filmmaking in general. It doesn’t attempt to conceal anything to build tension. Quite frankly, it has the restraint of a snuff film. That style, berthed a whole new generation of exploitation horror movies.
(1953) The House of Wax 7.5/10
(1953) The White Reindeer 7/10
(1950) Sunset Boulevard 9/10
It totally brings a smile to my face to say this this is, yet again, another film that had to inspire David Lynch. It’s certainly film-noir but the melodrama itself is so creepily in-tune with the struggles of Hollywood actors and actresses.
(1949) The Queen of Spades 7.5/10
(1947) Black Narcissus 9/10
This film is absolutely breathtaking. For anyone who’s ever considered technicolor to look fake, blown-out and oversaturated, this is a shining example of it done right. It’s an entirely created set with gorgeous artwork. It’s not just in how it’s looks from an artistic standpoint but even on a technical level, Powell was able to blow up a studio space with fantastic, wide-panning shots. There is not a better looking film out of this decade.
(1946) Bedlam 7/10
(1942) Cat People 8.5/10
I actually consider this film to be one of the best early psychological-horror films. Masquerading as a b-movie of sorts, I surprisingly found a lot of depth in it. Simone Simon is a fantastic lead and even with the short runtime, I came to understand her character rather quickly. Tons of anxiety as well as repressed sexuality sort of hone her into this timid and frightened woman who brings her own fears to life.
(1938) They Drive by Night 8/10
This is a great fucking movie that totally embodies crime-noir. It reminds me a ton of early Hitchcock and for the 30’s, the narrative is spectacularly clean.
(1937) Song at Midnight 7/10
(1914) The Egyptian Mummy no rating/10 (just a cool slapstick early short)
submitted by nextzero182 to horror [link] [comments]
2019.09.07 22:52 essidus A thousand words wasn't enough? Here's five thousand.
List acquired here.
submitted by essidus to OneWordBan [link] [comments]
2018.07.05 16:12 Reddawg2k17 Hidden cam delivery guy
Lets start with my observations of 2,000 UberX trips over a 8 month period.
One of the things my customers were 99% wrong about is navigation. I use WAZE for a damn good reason. It is not only highly accurate and tracks all current road issues (Submitted on-the-fly by other drivers for minute accurate reports), but I can also, at the end of my day, LOG IN and EDIT MAPS! I can draw in missing roads, fix misnamed streets and even chat with other map users! The first month of driving UberX alone, I submitted over 400 map fixes.
So when a customer tells me to "Ignore your navigation, I'll guide you." I tell them it is a minimum $5 bet against my navigation. If your route is faster, I'll pay you your bet out of my pocket when you exit the car. If I win, I expect you to honor the bet, or you will never ride with me again or my other Uber driver friends who share a rider exclude list. Around 7 out of 10 people will decline to bet, and just let me navigate. Sometimes even seeing a path they never knew about. (One city I was in had a hidden road under a bridge that saves you about 7 minutes waiting for traffic to clear to make a right and then left hairpin u turn. The passenger had lived in the area for 15 years and never knew it was there.) On a side note, I've never lost a bet on my navigation. Though a few passengers skipped out on paying me and went into the black book.
Another thing they are ALWAYS wrong about is local laws. In this state, NO OPEN ALCOHOL IN THE CAR, PERIOD! It doesn't matter if you are the driver, passenger or some passed out guy in my trunk. And according to the law, I as the driver take the fall for that container, which can result in a steep fine and suspension of my license.
The passenger always assumes that just because they are paying for a ride, I must bend to their will. Look, you hired me to take you from A to B. I will not make additional stops unless you want to pay me an additional $3 per stop and a extra $2 for every 10 minutes you make me wait. I think it is more than fair, as you are using up my time.
I will NOT be a drug delivery vehicle. If I see you exit at the requested stop, talk to someone outside and I see something that looks drug related exchange hands, the trip is ended and I drive away while calling Uber and the police.
Finally, I do not respond well to threats. If you threaten me because I refuse to do one of your absurd requests, the trip ends, I switch off my app, and you leave. You refuse to get out? In this state, my car is a extension of my home, and follows the same self defense laws. I will ask 3 times to leave my property, after that it gets physical. And yes, this has happened a few times, and once the police were called by the passenger. After talking to us both and seeing my dash cam footage, the man was hauled away in handcuffs, and I filed the complaint, footage and a request to press charges. The officer said I was 100% within my right, as he was trespassing after my app was turned off. Uber was less helpful, and wanted to stress to me the seriousness of using physical force but I got a manager on the phone and explained the entire thing. I also, as requested by said manager, sent a copy of the police report and cam footage to Uber in case the passenger attempted to sue Uber. Man was found guilty and sent to jail for 3 months, btw.
The notion that "The Customer is always Right" is an absurd notion that promotes stupidity. Would you tell your child that they are right when their math homework reads 1+1=3? Nope. So why do we do this to people who are wrong? Money? Seems like a stupid reason to me. Let them know when they are wrong and why. Maybe we can improve the world one idiot at a time.
submitted by Reddawg2k17 to uber [link] [comments]
2018.03.12 19:31 ItsBriceIdk Guy cam hidden delivery
I've been preparing this post for a while and I hope it can help some people find some new podcasts that they never knew existed!
I've organized my recommendations into 5 categories, Completely Finished Shows (includes shows that I've listened to completely, and that have ended (if a show is labelled with a "(?)" than it means I'm not sure if it's ended). The second category is Caught Up with, this includes shows that I've listened to all the episodes for, and are still putting out new material! Third category is "Rarely Listen to, this includes shows that I sometimes listened to, Often this means that I've burn't out on them, or I have to be in a particular mood to listen to them. Fourth category is *Recently Started Listening to, and I think that's pretty self-explanatory. And the last category is Plan to Listen to, these are most likely shows that caught my eye, but I haven't yet taken the time to check out. And at the end of the post I will also highlight my favourite shows!
Please forgive me if I screw up on grammar or spelling, as I didn't have time to proof read. Also bare with me as I try to figure out how to format. And please up-vote this, so others can see this :)
A Life Well Wasted (?): This podcast is amazing and I wish it comes back to life one day. This podcast discusses the video game industry as well as why we play video games.
**1) COMPLETELY FINISHED : [(?) = might have ended]**
A Very Fatal Murder: Parody true-crime podcast by Onion Public Radio. Does anyone know if there’s going to be a season two btw?
**2) CAUGHT UP WITH:**
Anna Faris is Unqualified: Hosted by comedian and actress Anna Faris. Sometimes the interviews get a bit sexual, but it’s a great listen if you need a laugh or want to learn more about the guests. They also take viewers calls and give them advice, so that’s cool.
**3)RARELY LISTEN TO**
Alice Isn’t Dead, Change Agent, Exploit, The Indicator: from Planet Money, The Outline World Dispatch, Welcome to Nightvale
**4) RECENTLY STARTED LISTENING TO**
Actual Innocence, Conspiracy Theories, Criminal, Cults, The Daily 202’s Big Idea, Decrypted, Dressed: the History of Fashion, Embedded, Found, Hector vs The Future, Invisibilia, It Makes A Sound, Launch , Lexicon Valley, Majority 54, On Drugs, Planet Money, Radiolab, Radiolab Presents: More Perfect, Safe Space, Sayer, Serial, Snap Judgement, Surf Memphis, Surprisingly Awesome, Ted Talks Daily, This American Life, The Truth, Unexplained, What Were You Thinking, What’s In A Podcast, Wolf 359, Wooden Overcoats, WorkLife with Adam Grant, Within the Wires, Arranged Marriage for the Modern Indian Man, The Odd Ones Podcast, TDMR, The Student Side Hustle, Inside the Junos, 2050: Degrees of Change, Other People’s Problems, Young, Dumb & 21, Bunny Ears, Time Well Wasted with Jay and Derek, The Big Loop, Lesser Gods, Limetown, Tangentially Speaking with Christopher Ryan, Positions Vacant , Dear Franklin Jones, This Won’t Hurt a Bit, Everyday Bravery, The Growth Show, Shane And Friends, Psychobabble with Tyler Oakley and Korey Kuhl, Not Too Deep: With Grace Helbig, Love + Radio, Straight Talk with Ross Matthews, Twenty Thousand Hertz, Welcome to Macintosh, Modern Love, Science Vs., Song Exploder, This is Actually Happening, Upvoted by Reddit, Side Hustle School
**5) Plan to Listen to**
2017.12.15 23:35 mikeest Cam delivery guy hidden
Artist: Armand Hammer, consisting of billy woods and ELUCID
Label: backwoodz studioz
Release Date: 3 November 2017
Armand Hammer was born in 2013 out of the shared musical ethos of New York underground staples billy woods and ELUCID, taking its name from a 20th century petroleum magnate.
Of the partnership, billy woods is the more senior, having established himself in the New York underground scene quite some time before ELUCID. woods experienced a somewhat odd childhood, which in many ways has gone on to inform his lyrics. He is the son of a Jamaican academic mother and a Zimbabwean activist father, and was born in Washington DC. In 1981, after his father’s political exile had ended, he and his family emigrated to the newly formed Zimbabwe. His years in Zimbabwe have led to the country and its chequered history being a constant reference point in his work, with Robert Mugabe even appearing on the cover of History Will Absolve Me. Following this period, he moved with his mother for a short time to Jamaica, before returning to the US where he ended up graduating from DC’s Howard University. His entry into hip hop came after he had moved to Harlem, where he formed a close friendship with Harlem native Vordul Mega, of Cannibal Ox renown. Vordul encouraged him to write and record, and after some initial trepidation Camouflage, a collaboration with Vordul, was released in 2003. It was at this time that woods established 2 key components of his artistry: Complete independence, and a deliberately cryptic, reclusive persona. Unwilling to engage in the maze of industry politics, woods established his own record label, backwoodz studioz, and self-released Camouflage and indeed all of his future releases, solo and collaborative. Currently the label houses billy woods, ELUCID, Armand Hammer, Henry Canyons, Willie Green, and Blockhead. In spite of a prolific presence both as an artist and as an entrepreneur, woods has shunned most media presence, and has continuously shrouded his face. After a string of releases, including a spell in the acclaimed duo Super Chron Flight Brothers with rapper Priviledge, woods was still left in a state of flux. In 2012 he released History Will Absolve Me potentially his last commercial effort. Fortunately, the album proved to be his most successful yet by quite some distance, firmly establishing him as an important name within underground hip hop.
ELUCID’s upbringing is not quite as instantly attention grabbing, his childhood was split between Queens and Long Island, before he eventually centred in Brooklyn, 3 traditional epicentres of hip hop. He comes from a musical background, with both his parents being church musicians, and his uncle DJ Stitches being an original member of Long Island natives and hip hop pioneers De La Soul. It was through this connection to Stitches that ELUCID gained a foothold within the hip hop community, initially allowing him to record his debut release The One in Man in his studio, before fostering the connections that allowed ELUCID to open for acts as big as The Lox in the early 2000s. During this time period ELUCID studied at Manhattan’s Pace University. ELUCID started gaining an internet following with a slew of releases he had put on his Bandcamp, all very far removed from conventional hip hop sounds and straying into the the territory of harsh noise.
The pair had first worked together on “Freedman’s Bureau” off of woods’ 2012 album History Will Absolve Me, followed by another collaboration on his 2013 release Dour Candy, before cementing themselves as a fully fledged unit with 2013’s Half Measures mixtape. Although Half Measures was effective at displaying the ability of each MC, it was very much a mixtape in the sense that it lacked cohesion and thematic unity, and the chemistry between woods and ELUCID had not yet been perfected. The individual contributions were fragmented, lacking in fluidity, to the point that “Blame the Devil” went on to appear on ELUCID’s Save Yourself, and in fact many of the tracks here are remixes or leftover solo material. But these issues were rectified just a month later with the release of the duo’s debut album, RACE MUSIC. Very dark, dense, and politically charged, RACE MUSIC attracted positive attention within the underground hip hop community, building on the reputation woods had steadily been gaining and serving as ELUCID’s primary breakthrough. The duo's next undertaking arrived in 2014, with the Furtive Movements EP. Where RACE MUSIC was grand and far-reaching, Furtive Movements saw a more insular, personal style of lyricism, most apparent on standout track “Touch & Agree” whose concept revolves around the 2 rappers advising their younger selves. The next 3 years saw no official releases from Armand Hammer, but the 2 collaborated on songs from woods’ Today, I Wrote Nothing and Known Unknowns, as well as ELUCID’s Osage and Save Yourself.
On 26 October 2017, Armand Hammer announced ROME, accompanied by an animated video for new single “It Was Written.” The album was released on 2 November 2017 through backwoodz studios, primarily engineered by producer Willie Green, with cover art designed by Shane Ingersoll. ROME features guest contributions from Mach-Hommy, Quelle Chris, Denmark Vessey, and Curly Castro, all celebrated underground peers of billy woods and ELUCID.
When you open ROME, you are instantly enveloped in flame. Shane Ingersoll’s album cover depicts a scene of destruction, a once-great civilization descending into complete pandemonium. This image bleeds into opening track Pakistani Brain. A looped vocal sample, subtly beautiful, is periodically interrupted by flashes of distortion. We are experiencing in real-time the transition between utopia and dystopia. This deeply unsettling effect sets up the cynicism at the heart of Armand Hammer’s content; around the corner of everything beautiful is the potential for ruin. woods in particular embodies this idea, his lyrics steeped in paranoia while he portrays the role of a recluse from society. But the album does not just speak of chaos, its very structure reinforces it. The madness of Pakistani Brain persists down the tracklist, and on the second track Dead Money billy woods declares:
Seaworthy or not The tone is no longer ominous, we have immediately dived into the mass confusion and fear. By the time we reach the Mach-Hommy featuring Carnies, we are trapped inside some kind of debauched circus, the 3 rappers can only laugh as their surroundings crumble. The oddly enthusiastic chant of "I knew tonight would be the end of my life" is repeated, the song acting as a sort of entry point into hell.
Too late to stop
Too far to turn back
Too close to crack glass water
Across the album, the style of rapping itself further develops this chaotic mood. The verses are often short, fractured even, lines are repeated and certain words are emphasised with a shout or whisper, choruses bleed into verses. At no point is ROME neat or predictably formulated.
This idea of collapse persists throughout ROME. Taken at face value, this is in reference to the fall of the Roman Empire, as alluded to by the title and artwork. But Armand Hammer extends this analogy to modern times, prophecising the same downfall to our own society, putting all its flaws on display. woods raps about a "white supremacist living in squalor ranting 'bout kikes on the internet", hiding behind "memes." The album responds to those who might label it melodramatic by illustrating the sheer farce that has become normalised in our society. woods and ELUCID fluctuate between rage and dark humour, the confusion the listeners feels is a reflection of the writers' own position. ELUCID snarls the following lines:
Several ways to skin a coon The anger intermingles with disbelief and desperation. There is no single point being made, ROME doesn't pose easy questions or take simple stances. It is instead a vivid encapsulation of the thoughts and feelings which consume someone who is stranded at the centre of a world which has betrayed them.
Magnolia bloom with the blood pool
Lord who can I run to
Live feed from slumview
The history of hip hop is intertwined with Black culture, both in its origins and in its current face. Throughout the genre’s lengthy and rather convoluted path, the somewhat abstract concept of ‘Blackness’ has stood as an inextricable thematic presence. Frequently, rappers have tackled this theme in 3 distinct ways. Most commonly, this is done through simple reference to ubiquitous Black cultural figures, the likes of Martin Luther King; Tupac Shakur; Bob Marley. Relatable, clearly defined idols are used as points of comparison, it’s simplistic but it can be effective. The second avenue comes in the form of Afrocentrism, ideas of positivity and Black affirmation as exemplified by the Native Tongues collective. While the D.A.I.S.Y. Age is certainly over, and such overt ‘hippieness’ has faded from mainstream consciousness, these values of self-love continue to be prominent. And then we have the factually dubious forays into history of someone like Nas, vague mentions of ancient bloodlines. Africa is mythicised, painted as a homogenous slab of rock whose sole function is to bestow Black Americans with some inner royalty. ROME shirks these conventions in favour of a more focused, critical outlook. The aforementioned figures make way for South African politician and cultural leader Mangosuthu Buthelezi, Zimbabwean savioudictator Robert Mugabe, much reviled South African president Jacob Zuma, post genocide Rwandan leader Paul Kagame, influential race-scholar Frantz Fanon - none of whom are evoked as one-dimensional icons, but are instead closely evaluated as complex individuals. So often in Western culture, 'Black' is constricted into a single box, be it done with positive or negative intentions. It is a great credit to Armand Hammer that they are able to craft an appropriately complex representation of these themes.
In many ways, hip hop is a somewhat closed off culture. It is the story of young men living in the urban United States. But ROME reaches through time and across the earth and is much richer for it. Most notably, the album treats Africa with a respect that is all too rare. Individual nations, individual figures within those nations, are given agency and power beyond what is reserved for another cog in the Western machine. With a relatively crude line, "Mangosuthu Buthelezi blows smoke in Mandela's face like fuck you pay me", woods goes into further depth regarding South Africa than any rapper I've encountered. Even the clearly intelligent Kendrick Lamar is guilty of falling into the same blank 'motherland' trap, an arena that is rather exploitative. Simple hip hop slang is applied to complex historical situations. This goes further than Africa, ELUCID brings up the first Intifada, a Palestinian revolt against Israel, as a reference point to protest in the United States. Through the sheer act of glancing between cultures, Armand Hammer adds immeasurable power to their words. These are not lyrics for today, or for one group or event, ROME spans history and individual identity. In this lies the mark of a timeless piece of art.
Perhaps customary for a political hip hop album in 2017, state violence and police brutality occupy a position of focus. ELUCID evokes the following haunting image:
Pigs that shoot hoops with the kids ROME is set in a world that moves "to the rhythm of bodybag zipper swipes", where the people are subject to the will of an oppressive state that will always conspire to make the "dash cam grainy". This 'state' is a constant, it continually topples and reestablishes. woods raps:
A few months later slapping cuffs, boots on they wrists
Ruthless how they did Ruth First, I let the package sit overnight He effortlessly connects police violence in the US to the actions of South Africa's Apartheid regime, evoking the case of activist Ruth First, who on government orders was murdered by a letter bomb. This can be interpreted either as a global rallying cry or as a proclamation of doom, the oppressor is ever-present, beyond the scope of any one community.
Let it open on the desk, how he live is anybody’s guess
The key to ROME’s success lies in the on-wax relationship between the two MCs. billy woods’ verses function as a second line of percussion, he stays on top of the beat, spitting out each word with a forceful venom. His delivery is manic and untamed, echoing the disorder chronicled in his lyrics. By contrast, ELUCID seems to glide across the production, he adds a nearly ethereal quality. His words come across as clinical, his voice represents if not calm then cold harmony. Where woods is embroiled in the turmoil, ELUCID is somehow above it. This duality allows the duo’s content to be truly comprehensive, they’re able to engage with these issues on a visceral, emotional level, while always keeping hold of facts. They bounce effortlessly between introspective tales of youth and family and uncompromising political indictments, all weaved together in an intricate tapestry comprising links to Ancient Rome, Ancient Greece, Israeli occupation, Scientology, and postcolonial thought.
ROME concludes with an epilogue, Overseas. billy woods nonchalantly flows over a laidback horn riff. It’s not a continuation of the unrelenting darkness which permeates through the rest of the album, and neither is it some kind of optimistic ‘light at the end of the tunnel’ moment. Instead we are left with a sense of complacency. The flames on the album cover have subsided and we are faced with the remnants of the previous night’s chaos. The terror is still lingering and the disarray still has the potential to be repeated, but perhaps something is salvageable.
Freedom not given but deliberately engineered
No mystery hidden it’s all in the clear
Worse for the wear
Light bursts from a flare impenetrable black
They scared to say
Word to my mommy
To the question why
It’s at the end of the belt she replied
You’ll get that when you get it
I don’t move if i don’t feel it in my spirit
A lyric ain’t a lyric til i spit it
Son we skimmed through your music
Found no reason not to approve it
It was all relatively toothless
You’re just a guy
Ruthless how they did Ruth First, I let the package sit overnight
Let it open on the desk how he live is anybody’s guess
Shoulder shrug coldest studio thug overdubs
They found the peace in some shrubs
Microscopic droplets of blood
If God made the world motherfucker was wearing gloves
With much vigor
To the rhythm of bodybag zipper swipes
Never paid the asking price
Double down on paradise
Several ways to skin a coon
Magnolia bloom with the blood pool
Lord who can I run to
Live feed from slumview
Walk past homeless like cry me a river
No question about it doc i’m getting sicker
When she said the magic word definitely got bigger
No question about it i’m definitely getting sicker
Smoke like dry ice every line is a mirror
Try as they might they never see him clearer
Tryna melt my face on my born day
Shape of things to come
Practicing for a world where they don’t exist
Pigs that shoot hoops with the kids
A few months later slapping cuffs, boots on they wrists
1) A large part of the album is 2 great rappers going bar for bar, who came out on top?
2) How do you feel about more “academic” hip hop, dense stuff that deliberately shuns relatability?
3) Is hip hop too narrowly focused, ignoring or diminishing large parts of the world and its history?
4) What is the duty of the political album? Is simple rage acceptable, should we expect artists to bring "solutions"?
4) For those who have listened, how does ROME compare to previous Armand Hammer work, as well as to each rappers' solo stuff?
submitted by mikeest to hiphopheads [link] [comments]
2017.02.11 12:19 Organizing_Secrets Hidden cam delivery guy
First: Case File One
Previous: Investigation File One
Next: Investigation File Two
The Case Files Wiki: Here
Operation File: 024-309
The following content is to be considered the official mission ops report dealing with the events that transpired after Facility 309 failed to report in.
The West Coast Branch HQ became concerned when hourly reports stopped and 309 could not be reached. Their security system was accessed from HQ and the visual indicators of the facility were decidedly…odd.
The facility appeared to be working as normal at first glance. Everything was structurally intact, all staff were working as normal, and minus a few cameras on the fritz on the sub level everything seemed exceedingly average. However, upon closer inspection one could see that every one of the personnel lacked expression. They gave off the appearance of automated machines. Likewise, none of the personnel conversed or talked among themselves. After several minutes of monitoring the security footage, one observer noted that personnel were going to the unmonitored sub level in small groups, taking material and canisters down with them and returning empty handed. It was then that the P-Particle sensors for 309 went off the charts and all personnel in 309 stopped what they were doing and began to stare directly at the nearest security camera to them. The onsite cameras then went offline.
It was agreed by HQ leads that Alpha Squad would be the initial force sent to 309 to assess and deal with the threat if possible.
Squad Leader - Eric Simmons
Pointman - Jonathan Radke
Medic - Camellia Hernandez
Engineer - Patt Roscoe
This follow is a transcript of the brief that Alpha Squad had before assaulting Facility 309.
Simmons: Alright Alpha, I assume you’ve read the brief? Facility 309 has gone off the reservation and we’re to find out what exactly is causing that.
Radke: Are we expecting heavy combat?
Simmons: Unknown. There are extensive amounts of P-Particles emanating from the sub level of Facility 309 and permeating throughout the rest of the facility. This indicates an entity’s involvement at the very least. However, we don’t know if this is an experiment gone wrong, a rogue entity attack, or sabotage from a rival group.
Hernandez: From what I’ve seen from the cameras I would say our best bet is to avoid 309’s personnel if at all possible and go for the source most likely located on the sub level. A few of the researchers and myself agree that the personnel are most likely slaves to a rather powerful psionic creature. On that note we will all be going in wearing special gear, wouldn’t want that thing getting into our minds.
Simmons: You heard the lady, avoid base casualties if possible. However, if they attack us we will retaliate. I’d rather we had to kill a few staff and make it to the sub level than the four of us being cut down before that. Roscoe, we’re going in to the sub level blind. Did you get a look at the floor schematics?
Roscoe: Aye. The sub level consists of a cold storage unit, a few abandoned maintenance shafts, and some repurposed onsite living quarters. I think they’re just using it for storage now.
Simmons: Any other questions before we gear up?
Radke: Yeah, are there any other entities on site?
Simmons: A couple of Mannequins. I’m not sure which variants but they were doing some low level testing and research into them. Time to move is now, Alpha. Gear up and report to the hanger ASAP.
This marks the end of Alpha’s brief.
Alpha Squad was kitted up with somewhat experimental gear and sent to the outskirts of Facility 309. It was deemed necessarily to take untested equipment in an effort to protect the minds of Alpha Squad from succumbing to the psionic influence of the unknown entity. The standard camera helmets were included for the sake of documenting the incident. Researchers at HQ were utterly baffled on what was behind this incident and wanted any information they could obtain. The following section of the report details a transcription of what Alpha recorded.
Alpha approaches Facility 309 at sunset from the forest after drop down. It was thought that the automated security would respond to Alpha but they make it to a side entrance undeterred. Using low density charges Alpha breaches the entrance without compromising the facility’s structural integrity or triggering other, possibly unknown defense systems.
Simmons: Alright Radke, take point and lead us to the maintained shaft entrance on this level.
Alpha Squad enters the compromised room to see that the door they had blown off had collided with and maimed one of the onsite personnel. The door had hit him in the torso and removed a rather large chunk of torso as well as his entire shoulder and arm. The psionic influence that the man was under kept him from expressing any emotion however, and he just stood and stared at Alpha Squad as the four entered the room, blood and viscera pumping out of his side.
Roscoe: Is he…going to do something?
Hernandez: Holy shit. That’s some powerful psionic presence. It’s completely overridden this man’s will and pain sensors. Um, also, it’s a safe bet it knows we’re here now. This guy is basically a walking security camera.
Radke: Well that’s just fucking gre-
The maimed man suddenly lurches at Radke with an animalistic ferocity. The wound keeps him from moving swiftly or getting a solid grasp on Radke and he is met with a solid butt from Radke’s rifle. A loud crack can be heard and the man falls into a heap on the floor.
Radke: (Wiping gore off his chest) I’d say they’re capable of being hostile. I really don’t want to wade through an entire facility of this bullshit.
Simmons: Right. Move Alpha. Now.
Alpha Squad proceeds in to the hallway and is met with several figures slowly approaching them from the far side of the hall.
Roscoe: Right, we’ll go the other way, third door on the right.
Simmons: You heard the man.
The four members of Alpha turn and briskly move to the door in question. Alpha finds themselves in a storage room.
Roscoe: Okay, there should be a maintenance hatch hidden under some of junk over in the corner. We go down there and it should be a relatively easy crawl to the entity.
Radke shoves some shelving and boxes out of the way to reveal the maintenance hatch. Alpha quickly descends the ladder as the faint sounds of pounding resonate from the door above.
Several minutes pass as Alpha navigates in the pitch-black spaces between the infrastructure of the facility.
Roscoe: This is the hatch we need sir. We should end up in the old living space. There might be a few of those mind controlled fucks around but there’s only a hallway and some spare change before we hit the room the entity is most likely located in.
Simmons: Here’s the plan: Radke, you take point with me directly laying down support. Roscoe and Hernandez, the two of you will follow us and play damage control. We advance straight to the cold storage room where the entity is believed to be. If we see any of the onsite personnel we shoot for their legs and knees. Immobilize but try not to kill. We find the entity and we kill it. I don’t have time to deal with this “capture” nonsense. Alright, on my mark…three…two…go!
Roscoe pops the hatch and the group emerges from a sidewall. Radke helps Roscoe push bunks out of the way while Simmons keeps his gun trained on the entrance to the room. Alpha exits the maintenance section as soon as the bunks are moved and Radke and Simmons immediately move to either side of the entrance way while Roscoe and Hernandez hang back a bit further.
Simmons gives the hand signal to move and the group kicks the door open and quickly enters the hallway. They are met with dim lights and empty halls. Quickly and quietly they traverse the long halls, sprint by the elevator access and other storage room to find themselves at the door to the cold storage room. Alpha’s footage begins to distort and become filled with bursts of static as Radke slowly opens the door. The mixing of temperatures results in a heavy fog filling the room and Alpha slowly enters with visibility at a minimum. As Alpha slowly move to the back of the large room a chorus of voices sounds from all around the room.
Voices: You have come to stop me, have you not? No…I am not yet complete.
Alpha finally advances far enough into the room to see the back wall, and the entity itself. A humanoid idol lay situated in a wireframe body that, when complete, would be the size of a large human. Fitted over the wireframe mesh were clumps of flesh and gore. Many canisters labeled with various terms such as “P-Particles laid strewn across the room.
Voices: I will complete my body and I will leave this forsaken prison.
A sudden screech can be heard and the four members of Alpha drop to their knees. After several moments the screech relents and Alpha train their guns on the entity. It is then that the fog slowly begins to relent and Alpha begins to realize that there are dozens of figures lurching towards them.
Simmons: Alpha, attack the entity!
Alpha fire several bursts at the entity but a wall of personnel push themselves between the bullets.
Simmons: Shit. Go for headshots. Screw casualties.
The four members of Alpha find themselves almost completely surrounded and for nearly a minute manage to hold the tide of bodies swarming them. But then there is a sudden change in Hernandez. Her firing slows and then ceases altogether. From Radke’s cam Hernandez can be seen lowering her weapon and her figure slump. Several moments pass and then she sluggishly turns and raises her gun and fires several rounds into Roscoe’s chest. They are absorbed by his body armor but the unexpected burst sends him careening into the swarm of puppets. The camera’s mic struggles to make clear definition of his screams as the swarm pulls at his flesh.
Simmons: Hernandez has been compromised. Pull back!
Simmons removes several grenades from his satchel and tosses them towards the mob between them and the exit. Several moments pass and then the footage is shown shaking as a red mist of blood and gore rains across the room. A few figures are left shambling in their heavily disfigured state but the way is mostly clear. Simmons and Radke swiftly exit the room and pull back to the elevator only to find it locked down. They glance at the old bunk rooms they came from but find a large mob between them and that exit.
Radke: What do we do sir?!
Simmons: …let’s try the storage room. Maybe there’s a hatch there we can take.
The pair trudge over to the door and Simmons opens it while Radke provides covering fire at the controlled personnel pouring out of the other rooms. A sudden scream erupts as a group of Rage Mannequins pour out of the room and trample the man. It seems the psionic energy in the facility had heightened their already agitated state and they broke free of their bonds. His cam is quickly smashed in their bloodlust but Radke glances over and manages to get some footage of his flattened form.
Radke lowers to his knees, raises his pistol to his head and mutters to himself for several moments before the horde of base personnel finally reaches him. The trigger is pulled and he falls to the ground.
Simmon’s camera feed is destroyed, Hernandez’s brings up nothing but static, Roscoe’s appears to be working but he is facing a wall and nothing can be seen. Radke’s feed shows the horde parting and Hernandez walking up to his corpse. She looks at the camera and says “Leave me alone” before shutting off his feed.
With Alpha Squad’s failure it was decided that human assets could not contain this threat. Of all metahumans assets only Aegis One and Aegis Two could be deployed immediately. With little deliberation on the part of HQ the Aegis Sisters were immediately flown to the airspace above Facility 309. As always the Operatives had full surveillance gear as is standard procedure for metahuman assets.
Their drop was anything but subtle. The pair jumped from the helicopter in usual fashion, which for them involved no parachute and using their psionic powers to cushion the fall, at the cost of a small crater.
I should also note now that there were a few member of HQ that were opposed to sending the Aegis Sisters due to the entity being a psionic being itself. They were worried that this would somehow tamper with the power, mindset, or stability of the girls. The majority vote had confidence in the girls, however.
Much like their descent, the girls took little care in keeping a low profile. As the two of them walked up to the facility you could see the walls blast away to give them an entrance. With making so much noise they barely got to the first hallway before the base personnel appeared to hinder them. Aegis One and Two were given orders to complete the mission at all costs, to this effect they made full use of their powers, tearing through all of the bodies that shambled near them. It was simple for the girls, walking side by side, hands clasped as always, to systematically cut the bodies into pieces with their minds. With the damage they were doing it was impossible for the entity to control the bodies further. One could admire their efficiency of tearing through enemies, but it’s fearful to imagine the consequences of them turning on us.
Before too long they arrived at the locked down elevator. This did little to stop them as they simply tore the door off its hinges and floated down to the basement. They were greeted with a throng of personnel and the Rage Mannequins.
Aegis One: Sister.
Aegis Two: Yes, I know. This will be bothersome.
Aegis One: Sister, take the Puppet’s puppets.
Aegis Two: Yes, a novel idea.
The sisters hold their hands up towards the Rage Mannequins and the lights begin to flicker rather vigorously. The group of Rage Mannequins begin to rush towards the pair and then the lights cut out completely. The sounds of a large scuffle can be heard and suddenly the lights return to a rather grisly scene.
It seems the girls took control of the Rage Mannequins and turned them on the base personnel. The scene in front of them was one of pure carnage. The controlled men and women stood know chance against the ravenous Mannequins. While they method of dismemberment was not near as efficient as the Aegis Twins they still did their job. Cleave one limb off, tear into the torso, remove the head, repeat.
Aegis One and Two proceeded to walk rather nonchalant through the carnage as the Mannequins tore up all that approached them, using their psionic powers to shield themselves from the gore showering the room. It was not long before they found themselves face to face with the idol and Hernandez.
Idol: (Through Hernandez) You are here to stop me.
Aegis One: …sister.
Aegis Two: Correct. We will destroy you as per our orders.
Idol: Why? I only want to exist. To live. To move.
Aegis Two: Your desires cost us resources, lives, and time. You are dangerous.
Aegis One: …dangerous.
Idol: Cannot the same be said for you?
Aegis Two: You imply a connection between you and us?
Idol: You stay loyal because they keep you away from “him”, do they not?
Aegis One: …sister!
Aegis Two: Creature, you would be wise to stop speaking. Now.
Idol: They are the very reason “he’s” even aware of yo-
Aegis One: STOP IT!
Aegis One raises her hands and attempts to blast the Idol with a burst of psionic energy. The Idol seems to push back with energy of its own and this results in the blasts colliding where Hernandez was located. Her body twists, contorts, and jerks in weird motions before she is shredded in a twister of gore, her body unable to take the forces around her. During this entire ordeal Aegis One never stopped screaming.
Aegis Two: My poor, sweet sister…this idol is wrong. Foolish thing. We are safe.
Saying that, she raises her hand and adds her power to her sister’s. The idol is overcome and is destroyed alongside its constructed body. All of the personnel suddenly fall to the ground and the Mannequins remain motionless. The Aegis Sisters clasp hands and walk out of the room. Their mission is complete.
Report: Facility 309 suffered extreme damage to parts of the facility as well as a 100% loss of all facility personnel. Repairs are to be made immediately and a new roster implemented. All members of Alpha Squad were also lost. New soldiers are to be trained while various researchers will look into their footage to glean any possible advantages in combatting paranormal threats. Aegis One and Aegis Two preformed admirably and proved themselves against a similarly powered adversary. While there are concerns about Aegis One it seems her sister will keep her in check for us as long as her faith is not broken.
Nosleep, it's Secrets. Still alive. Sorry for the general lack of...me. I mean, I've still been here to reply to comments but my posts have been thin. Various reasons for that. A big reason being poverty, I mean, I'm a Pizza Delivery Guy. Not exactly a high roller. But I'm surviving.
Another reason would be headaches. If a few of you older readers may remember I ended up getting really bad headaches after submitting the early Files. We thought that maybe it was a paranormal attack or the Files were boobytrapped. Shortly after Tattle appeared that stopped being an issue but...well, they seem to be back in full force. I work on a File for any amount of time and I get dizzying headaches. Well, more accurately it's when I open up the File and read it for myself before I type it out for all of you. These headaches range from mildly annoying to making me physically vomit...as opposed to metaphorically vomit. Or something. Regardless, it's an issue. I'm working on it. I hope Tattle pipes up with something.
Also, the nightmares. I've been having really bad nightmares. Or, I was. Four or five months ago when I was actively working on Files I had some rough dreams. I've never really been a nightmare guy but I had these really vivid paranormal dreams. A common theme between all of them is that they involved people other than myself getting stalked by different feminine entities. I was getting next to...well, no sleep. Haaaaaaaaaa. I took a bit of a break from writing Files and the nightmares went away. They seemed to go hand in hand with those headaches. Honestly, this is the first time in years that the Files have had a more...active role on my life. They've just been a File on my computer that I sometimes open for years now. Whatever. I'll be careful and let you know if anything pops up. You know that drill.
In regards to this File it was definitely neat to see some of the metahumans from The Hysteria Project. I figured they'd pop up eventually but this was neat all the same. I don't have much to add because this all seemed standard fair for O440. They seemed in proper form and did what I've come to expect from them. That said, I would like to see more about that entity stalking the sisters.
In other news Tattle had tossed a File up in a different subreddit. That'd be Investigation File One. Check it out if you happened to miss it. I'm not to sure why Tattle keeps posting Files to places other than here but I'll do my best to point it out when they do. On top of that Tattle left me with a new folder on my desktop filled with Investigation Files. I've looked through a few of them and the obvious thing to point out is that all of them are recent. By recent I mean they all take place after I started posting Case Files. I don't know what's different besides that but I figured I'd let all of you know.
Also, I'm going to be tossing up a post HERE going over some things involving the Files. I've been working on something all the long time readers will like, as well as a way to get people off of NoSleep into the Files. Give it a look if you can.
I am pleased to finally post something though. I hate leaving you guys hanging. Makes me feel like an utter dirtbag. Regardless, as long as I'm around you'll have Files. I'm reupping on this promise. Stay safe, and I'll try to do the same...
submitted by Organizing_Secrets to nosleep [link] [comments]
2014.11.25 19:44 ShadowOfLighter Hidden guy delivery cam
So the other day I was drive-by sniping some lamers in my supahcar when all of a sudden some hidden camper tries to shoot back. I see him but can’t get an good shot, so I go prone for accuracy. But now I can’t see a thing because there’s a door in my way and, worse, nobody’s stepping on the gas. I throw a brick at the pedal, but miss and accidentally hit the guy shooting at me. I get back at the wheel to drive away and see lamer cars behind me. That’s when I notice the wheel is kinda stiff. I forgot to turn on the ignition.
So I switch to Plan B and hit eject. This causes all the lamer drivers to get bailed out. I then switch on the engine and press inject for nitrah. The GPS tells me it found the fastest route out of lamer hood and back to the base. During the second I take my eyes off the road to look at it, some truck comes out of nowhere right in front me. Joke’s on him though, my dash cam got it all. See you in court.
But I know I don’t have time for this and grab the keys, cam and rifle. GPS says I’m fifty klicks out and it’s five, so I better hurry before sun’s up. But I know a shortcut: a road leading right into the forest. I start running, but a bullet just grazes my sunglasses. I dive to the side, behind a parked car. The next shot penetrates it, but my weed pocket stops the bullet. This gives me an idea.
I take the weed and light it up, then shoot open the gas tank and put the burning weed in it. I then put the phone out of GPS mode and call for emergency refill on my weed, using the fire to mark my position. Within seconds, the delivery van pulls up and fires a rocket at the sniper. I grab my package and talk the driver.
“Yo, I need a ride down the road.”
“Nah man, I gotta make deliveries.”
I show him the keys. “You can have my supahcar.”
“Why didn’t you say so?”
Once I’m out, I enter the forest and get to the nearby secret clearing. Secret as in secret meeting point. I get to the UFO door and kick open the lock panel. Gotta conserve ammo. Unfortunately Jamie changed the password. I bang at the door for a good three seconds before it finally opens.
“What you doing here at this hour?”
“Couldn’t sleep, kept thinking about you. Can you give me a ride back?”
“You reconsidered? About the tournament?”
“If I say yes...?”
You see, aliens have pretty much figured out winning at chess. They send Jamie out here, looking for people, computers or whatever to play in their tournament. And Jamie finds me, the worst chess player in the world. But lamers don’t hunt themselves, so I was hoping to avoid going.
“Ah, get in already.”
Jay starts up the ship and sets the autopilot to take us into suborbit. Should be a few minutes out, then back in.
“So, wassup Jay?”
“Business has been soo slow, the gas ran out. The ship’s running on fumes now.”
Jaime’s running protection on the solar system. You pass through, you pay up. The system’s just off the highway, so most ships come here just to make a stop and check their flaps or fix their propellers. But the highway’s been open on and off for renovation - pot black holes, you know.
“Should I be worried?”
“I opened up your vodka stash for gas.”
“I’ll get you more. How you’ve been?”
“Let’s see... I scratched up my supahcar, some lamer shot my sunglasses off so I only have two pairs on and, worst of all, I’ve been without you.”
“Since when do you leave sunglasses behind?”
“Oh." I pull out the shot shades and take a look. The fake titanium coating looks mostly intact. I put them back on.
Seatbelt alert lights up. We’re starting the descent.
“You taking the parachute?”
“I was hoping to take you and smoke some fresh weed.”
“Well you caught me as I was hacking the Pokermon servers...”
“You hitting them too? I’m sending my guys to make sure I win their tournament, but I’ll have them look for passwords.”
“Okay, if I find blackmail material first you’ll get it.”
I take the parachute, give Jay goodbyes and jump out.
No sooner have I opened the parachute I see a rocket heading at me. I shoot it with the rifle. I see the delivery van, firing another. I shoot that too. There’s another rocket. Click.
I’m out. I throw the rifle at the ground, then disconnect the chute. It hits the secret button that opens my underground landing area. I land on the safety net, but roll forward just to make sure. Somewhere above, the drives yells at me about giving him a damaged supahcar. I try to close the door by throwing my other brick, but miss and accidentally hit the driver.
I get back up there and make sure he’s dead. My freezer room is pretty full since the lamers last tried to raid me, but manage to find space. I take back my keys and hit self-destruct to blow up the delivery van, then self-instruct to call my supahcar back.
So I realized the driver attacked me because people don’t know who I am. So this is why I’m telling you, so you know who I am and why you should not try anything like that.
submitted by ShadowOfLighter to WritersGroup [link] [comments]