2020.10.17 04:09 ThrowRa_bby Pee spy 20
Hey guys! So I really hope someone can help me because I am at a point where I am considering getting a spy camera and installing it in our restroom. I know it sounds INSANE and definitely is a HUGE invasion of privacy but, I just don’t know what to do! Please help!! Warning, this may be a bit of TMI. I also was in an abusive relationship prior to this one so Please let me know if I am being paranoid or letting my trauma get to me.
Let me start at the beginning:
We have 2 kids together: (3F) & (2M). We are both currently working from home because of covid and the kids are currently not in day care. We both work full time jobs so it’s pretty stressful having to juggle our home responsibilities and work. I must also mention that he suffers from severe ADHD and Anxiety and is also severely overweight. But, guys, I am NOT even kidding, this dude goes to the “restroom” AT LEAST 10 times a day. On his good days, it’s AT LEAST 5. And I’m not saying restroom as in peeing, those don’t count. I’m talking about him saying he somehow has a stomach bug every day? And then a few hours later complains about being in there for 20-30 minutes because he couldn’t go?
Anyways, A few months back, I was really really stressed out because my job requires A LOT of focus and the kids were going bat shit crazy. He tells me he’s going to the “restroom” because his stomach hurt and I said it was fine. Keep in mind that I’m having a fucking huge mental breakdown at that moment and just losing my shit. Anyways, In the middle of that, my daughter has an accident. Her underwear are in our master closet which is attached to the restroom. I really didn’t want to leave her without any underwear, so, I decided I would ask him to pass some to me. However, when I got close to the door to knock, I could hear him being too close. I must also mention that the restroom doors don’t have the most reliable locks. I can unlock them with my fingernail. So I did, and I found him sitting in the bath tub watching videos. WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK.
On a second occasion, same thing happened, except, he blocked the door with something so I couldn’t go in? And this time, he was ON the door. Like I could feel his weight stopping me. And he came out saying he was “using the restroom”? But like he clearly wasn’t.
And now, today. I went in the room to sleep my daughter, and he snuck, SNUCK in to the guest restroom leaving my son alone in the living room. Granted he is asleep, so, it wasn’t a huge deal but still. The only reason I saw he wasn’t with him was because I went out to get a diaper for my daughter (overnight ones). Since I didn’t see him in the living room, I went to check the restroom. I am so embarrassed to admit this but, I looked under the door and his feet were by the sink. Like one foot is on the door and the other is facing the sink. I fucking knock on the door, WHILE LOOKING AT HIS FEET, and he freaking flushes the toilet saying he’s “pooping”. WHAT THE HELL!! Both kids are asleep, so it’s not like he was using it as a “mental break” time. Maybe he was jacking off? But he didn’t have any of the visible symptoms? And I don’t get upset if he does that. I just want him to tell the truth. Like it’s ok if he needs a break. Believe me, I totally get it. I just hate being lied to. Absolutely hate it.
Oh and I should also add that although we work from home, he looks for EVERY excuse to NOT be here. Running low on diapers? He will go. Despite there being enough supply for another week. Everything, he will go. Or he will make up some shit to leave. And if he’s not at the store after work, he’s in the garage doing wood projects (he builds our furniture). I really appreciate the projects he does when I ask for them. But when I say we don’t have the budget for a new project for the following 2 weeks, he starts building random shit that just takes up his whole day and ends up being thrown away because he doesn’t like it.
Am I being paranoid? I’ve communicated with him countless times to just be open and tell me if he needs a break. Which he does now. But isn’t going to the restroom 5-10 times excessive? I feel like this horrible person because I literally have to sit there and COUNT. It’s exhausting.
submitted by ThrowRa_bby to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
2020.10.16 20:26 JustAnonymWolf Spy pee 20
First things first, it's very long.
I don't know if it's right to write this here, if it isn't please tell me and I'll remove it. It's late at night and it's the only time I allow myself to be emotional and I'm overwhelmed. This may become rambling or incomprehensible so I appreciate if you power through it but I fully understand if it's too long. I just... I'm tired of shutting up.
I'm afraid, I'm terrified of being alone for the rest of my life. I love my close family and that's it. If they die I'll be alone. And I didn't do anything meaningful in my life so I feel like a waste.
Soon I'll be 20. Supposed to be an adult, well established. My parents married when they were 20. They had me at 21. They got married and moved far away from their parents and had me, and I at their age am a failure.
What did I do in my life? I tried my best but I didn't do much. I try to do arts but it always looks like shit. I try to write stories but nobody reads them. I pour all my soul in what I do and nobody cares.
I use all my energy for these grand shows that have no audience.
No, I'm wrong. They care. Because they love to take my stuff and break it. They say I deserve it. I always studied hard, it felt like my thing, so I always had high grades. But that meant that all the kids hated me.
I was 6 in first grade. My classmates were 8 or older. That age gap stayed for my entire school life, and I being the smaller one I always was the butt of the joke for them. Even though I got taller than them all somewhere in 10th grade.
I was broken they said. Why? Well I never had a crush. I didn't act odd with the boys, I didn't spy them from corners... I never understood that. And for that I was broken.
I always thought that the fact that dad fixes cars is amazing. Just by the sound of an engine he knows what's wrong. He's amazing. But the adults didn't allow me to be at the repair shop for I was a girl and I could only break stuff. In spite of that, dad taught me how to fix stuff, the wonders of electricity and showed me an engine in pieces and told me what each did. I love him. I don't love him just for that, but because of who he is. I love mom and my sis for that too. But people want and expect of me to love a stranger and leave them. How could I trust a stranger like that?
I was broken for liking "boy stuff". I was insane for saying out loud that I like games and dinos and tech and cars and so on... I was wrong in the head for them.
I remember what they did to me. Everything. I remember everything like it's recorded in my head. A blessing for studying, a curse for interacting with people.
I remember when a guy put his launch sausage between his belt and belly and cornered me. He yelled at me. All the class joined. He told me I was too retarded to get a real sausage so I have to go for his. I closed my eyes and said nothing but he stuffed the sausage in my nose. It hurt. I think it was a hot sausage.
They laughed. They always did. They beat me with yoghurt on a freezing winter so I'll turn to stone. They stole my stuff. They destroyed my stuff. They followed me to the bathroom so I had to pee in a hurry always because they would climb the stall and shame me. Because I was "showing myself" by going to the bathroom. They ran after me with needless because I'm allergic to mosquitoes and they wanted me to die.
I adopted the nerd persona. They called me a nerd as to mock me, but I truthfully liked the stuff they called me a nerd for, the videogames, the books, the movies. I was a nerd for I didn't understand or want anything to do with romance or sexy stuff.
I was broken. I had no purpose they said.
I had a friend once. Since we were toddles. We had fun together, playing GTA on his computer, making puzzles and pretending to be dragons. But when we were 7 or 8 his mom decided that her boy can't play with girls. I never saw him again, I don't think I would recognize him now. But I hope that he's okay, that he finished that mission and found the missing pieces of that bridge puzzle.
I didn't have other friends because people would only consider me a joke. They were a few who called themselves my friends, but they only wanted homeworks from me. It was nice that they talked to me but they never listened. Or cared.
I used to have these habits. Weird even for me. I had to check if I locked the door 3 times when I left home, I could only step on the black tiles at school, I had to put my food on the table before the microwave finished beeping, I had to keep my colors in order and lots of stuff like that. I had specific steps I had to take to do stuff. Otherwise? I felt like some impending doom was waiting for me to make a mistake and destroy us all as soon as I would fail a thing like this.
In the last year of HS it was the worst. I was at my worst. I worry about stuff a lot. And at the end of HS I had finals that were going to decide what college I could attend, I had to apply for college and hope to be accepted. And there was this guy, he liked stuff I like. I thought it was so nice we liked similar things and that we could talk about them. We hanged around together until he told me to kiss him. I said that I don't want to, and he knew that I didn't want to do that. He then became another person. He mocked me and the stuff I liked even though he liked them too. He demanded I kiss him multiple times and told me it's my fault that I had no friends and that I would die alone because of that.
Him, my finals, everything added on top of each other and I couldn't feel anything anymore. Not sad, but not happy either. Numb. Nothing I did got a reaction out of me. That was my worst. I feld like I was at a bottom of a pit and that I couldn't climb out, that there was no way out. I couldn't draw and that killed me slowly. My drawing is awful, but I can't function properly without it. That's how I think, that's how I process information. It may make no sense but that's how I work.
When look back at my sketchbook in that period, it hurts me. There are just a few drawings that I managed. But the characters look tortured. I make my drawings happy, for I have the power to make them anything so I make them happy. But during that time I couldn't.
During that time I didn't even care. I was just worried about everything but I didn't care about me. So I stopped doing those weird habits, thinking that whatever would come after me could do whatever.
But then... During summer holiday, when we were at the seaside, I love water and I love swimming so much, and they posted the results with who got into college and I saw I was the 10th one at the one I chosen, I felt again. I felt something and it was happiness! It was soo good. I celebrated with my family on the beach and people looked weird at us but I didn't care. I had to go into the water to cry because I didn't want my family to see me like that. I didn't knew why, but I cried. And I felt good again.
Sometimes I feel guilty even for the pandemic. I feel like I brought it upon us for not doing my old habits, even though I know that's not logical. I can't control the way I feel.
College is something else. People are something else here. They're not mocking me anymore. Stuff I've been tortured for it's the stuff that makes me cool now. And I can't believe it. It's so good that they talk to me now, that my stuff isn't getting destroyed and so. Sure, I have to keep them at arm's length just to be safe, but it feels better.
Or I mean, it felt. Since March we're doing online classes and I miss them and the place.
I have spent much more time with my extended family because of what happened. I feel like my brain will turn to mush and leak through my ears from what they're telling me.
From all the sides I hear only how I'm destroying the family because I'm not married, because I said I didn't want to marry. That I'm a traitor for not having or wanting kids. That I'm a curse for I never had a boyfriend.
It hurts. They give me this problem that I can't solve and it hurts me. I'm glad my parents don't share their sentiment. But I'm related to this whole village and I can't visit my good grandma who lives there because I would get cornered and bombarded by those who'll tell me I'll bring the end of the world. Those who say I'm incredibly idiot, those who say humans, fish and birds aren't animals and that my lizard will kill me. I'm related to these specimens, thankfully not by blood with most of them but still.
The grandma who lives close to me? She told me the only purpose I have is to give a man kids and make him happy. And I can't understand that because grandpa is not like that. But she is.
So many people hate me for things outside my power to change. I don't get romance, I don't fall in love and I don't want to marry. Just like that. Am I really that terrible for it?
There's some good stuff thankfully, outside of what I already mentioned. There are some people I interacted with, even briefly, and those moments I keep close for they fuel me to go forward.
People like those from the reptile expo. I usually have to wonder if people are genuine, but for them I felt it. All loved creatures and all were wholesome. I live with the moments I shared there.
In 2017 I think I went with my sis and grandparents in vacation. One day I was alone with my sis at the playground. I couldn't play because the parents present there wouldn't let me, so I sat on the bench drawing. My sister came to me with another girl in tow and told her "tell her what you said to me". And this little girl goes "what's your favorite animal because mine is spinosaurus, he's the coolest that's why". This little kid knew what a Spino was in a country where losts think dinosaurs and science are a hoax. We spoke at length about the interesting stuff, like dinos and cool animals and things like that. We didn't share names because that wasn't important. I'm sure I'll never see her, but I wish her the best too. She was the coolest one.
This teacher in HS who really liked my stuff. My only reader. We're still friends but I'm too shy to message her.
I don't want to bother people, you know. That's why I don't allow myself to be emotional where people can see me, where my family can get worried. I get emotional at night, when I'm alone. Sometimes I feel like I could do anything and say that the next day I'll fix everything, but obviously I wake up knowing that I can't. Other times I just cry about what I lost. Other times I cry about what's to come.
Not even on the internet I allow myself to be myself. This isn't even my main, on that one I only allow myself to be polite and helpful. I made this one to speak my mind, my weird thoughts and what I hide, for on the internet you can be whoever you want, yet the most difficult I find is to be myself. Lately I posted more on this one and for some reason this has more karma and followers so I guess at least someone finds my existential crisis entertaining.
Which kinda tells me that the person I want to be, nobody cares about. Not even IRL I speak my mind. Not even to the few people to whom I thankful, that reached out to me here. I can't break out of polite small talk.
I got shit for showing just a little bit of myself, I don't want to think about what I'll get by being myself. My whole myself.
I think back about that scene at the seside. I have to wear a bra to cover myself on the beach. Guys don't have to and it doesn't really make sense to me. But the old ladies, they don't care and don't wear bras. I want that mindset, where I could be me and not ashamed. More power to you, random old ladies.
And you know, there's lots of things I don't get. Why I have to marry or I don't have a purpose, why I have to wear dresses or I'm ugly, why are there boy and girl hobbies. Shit, just let me love my dinosaurs.
But there's my little lovely dragon. I love him. I know that with all my being. I want to give him only the best, he couldn't do anything to upset me and I worry about him even if I shouldn't. Just looking in his direction makes me very happy. My heart melts when he shows that he knows who I am and doesn't like other people around him. And here's the thing, if my family dies I'll be alone and I wouldn't have someone with whom to share the joy that is my baby dragon. And if I die first then he looses me. And when he and my family will be gone I'll be alone. Will I even exist if there's no one left that cares about me? Do I even have a meaning to be?
I would look at him now but lights are off and I don't want to wake him. I'll greet him in the morning, I can't wait for that everyday. Can you even believe it? I jumped through so many hoops and now I have this baby dragon who's the best thing ever.
My hand hurts from writting and I think I should go to sleep now. I probably won't fall asleep for a long time as usual but at least I'll try. I should proofread this but, maybe I shouldn't post this and make people waste time by reading it. I'll look at it again tommorow.
submitted by JustAnonymWolf to mentalhealth [link] [comments]
2020.09.16 10:30 badumbumpsh My Doctor Might Be Shit
My doctor might be shit.
One time I thought I had the flu. Was nauseous, weak, my body hurt all over, and I slept for 20 hours a day. My boyfriend (Troy), who thought I was dying, finally got fed up and took me to my doctor. After my checkup, Doctor Shaw gave me a B12 shot on my ass and sent me on my way.
Troy was flabbergasted. I was happy to just be awake for a few hours. He searched online, 2 hours later he asked if I stopped taking my medications.
I said, “Sort of?”
But he looked at me like I told him, “I want to go on a jizz only diet.”
So I explained that Doctor Shaw only wanted me to take my anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medicine when I needed it.
“You need a new doctor”, Troy said without blinking.
“Now is THE WORST time to do that”, I said in my best Chewbacca accent. God, this B12 shot was amazing.
“I can help you find one”, he said, actually understanding what I said. Troy is the B12 of boyfriends.
“I’ll find one myself”, I replied as I left the kitchen.
I didn’t find one.
I played Team Fortress 2 until the shot started wearing off. Apparently, Troy thought looking for a doctor would elicit the same response as getting stabbed in the back by the sAme tEEnaGE SpY FIVE FUPPIN’ TIIIIMMESSSS.
Can I be honest with you? Doctor Shaw is a doctor. Troy can type 78 words per minute but that doesn’t make him qualified to give medical advice no matter how quickly he can enter symptoms into a search bar.
I can understand why he’s concerned though. I felt fine for a couple days after going cold turkey, but then I started having trouble sleeping. Troy goes to bed with the door open. He also gets up at 2AM every night to use the bathroom. When he came back to bed, he noticed me staring behind him as if some serial killer was about to stab him in the spine with a rusty knife. Luckily, he already used the bathroom or he would’ve lost his shit.
I didn’t tell him I had been staring at the doorway that way for hours. Stuck playing “Don’t Blink” with the shadows right outside our bedroom.
We sleep with the door shut and locked now.
But that doesn’t stop the doorknob from turning in the middle of the night. My red eyes glaring at our carpet where the absence of light reveals the shape of someone’s boots.
I lay in bed with overnight maxi pads on in case I have to pee.
The bushes outside leave dark shapes that resemble monsters peeking through our blinds. Waiting for me to fall asleep. He tells me the scraping sound outside our bedroom window is the overgrown bushes brushing against the screens.
I asked him if bushes can smile and wave.
Then I heard the window latch click.
submitted by badumbumpsh to shortscarystories [link] [comments]
2020.09.07 13:39 rusticgorilla Pee spy 20
Welcome to Lost in the Sauce, keeping you caught up on political and legal news that often gets buried in distractions and theater… or a global health crisis.
One White House official told The Daily Beast that Meadows has for months been wary of the type of briefings on Capitol Hill that Democratic sources can potentially use to try to make Trump look bad through surreptitious leaks to media outlets.Meanwhile, interim Chair of the Senate Intelligence Committee Marco Rubio (R-FL) said last week that his committee will be granted an exception to the ODNI’s new policy and continue to receive in-person briefings from top U.S. intelligence officials about election-security issues. This essentially means that only Democrat-led committees have been cut out of the process ensuring election security.
"I don't know exactly what happened. I think it's tragic. It's terrible; it shouldn't happen. We haven't had any proof yet, but I will take a look. It is interesting that everybody is always mentioning Russia - and I don't mind you mentioning Russia - but I think probably China, at this point, is a nation that you should be talking about much more so than Russia. Because the things that China's doing are far worse.”Trump then went on to say he’s “taken stronger action against Russia than any other country in the world,” but added “I do get along with President Putin” (clip).
“DHS has acted no better than the Russian authorities,” Duralev said. “They simply fabricated charges against me for violations I never committed — and if DHS can trump up charges against immigrants with impunity, nobody can guarantee they won’t start doing it” to regular Americans. “So that’s the main message I now hope to send.”
“We certainly had evidence that this was the case: that Trump, while gleefully wreaking havoc on America’s political institutions and norms, was pulling his punches when it came to our historic adversary, Russia,” Strzok writes. “Given what we knew or had cause to suspect about Trump’s compromising behavior in the weeks, months, and years leading up to the election, moreover, it also seemed conceivable, if unlikely, that Moscow had indeed pulled off the most stunning intelligence achievement in human history: secretly controlling the president of the United States — a Manchurian candidate elected.”He now says he doesn’t believe that Trump is literally a Russian spy: “I don’t think that Trump, when he meets with Putin, receives a task list for the next quarter,” Strzok said, referencing the Russian president, Vladimir Putin. “But I do think the president is compromised, that he is unable to put the interests of our nation first, that he acts from hidden motives, because there is leverage over him, held specifically by the Russians but potentially others as well.”
On Russia, Cohen writes that the cause behind Trump’s admiration of Russian President Vladimir Putin is simpler than many of his critics assume. Above all, he writes, Trump loves money — and he wrongly identified Putin as “the richest man in the world by a multiple.” Trump loved Putin, Cohen wrote, because the Russian leader had the ability “to take over an entire nation and run it like it was his personal company — like the Trump Organization, in fact.”
...According to Cohen, Trump’s sycophantic praise of the Russian leader during the 2016 campaign began as a way to suck up and ensure access to the oligarch’s money after he lost the election. But he claims Trump came to understand that Putin’s hatred of Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton, dating to her support for the 2011 protest movement in Russia, could also help Trump amass more power in the United States.
“Louis was a national fundraiser for the Republican Party. He asked employees for money. We gave him the money, and then he reciprocated by giving us big bonuses,” said David Young, DeJoy’s longtime director of human resources, who had access to payroll records at New Breed from the late 1990s to 2013 and is now retired.More than one million mail-in ballots were sent late to voters during the 2020 primary elections, an audit by the USPS IG’s office determined. Most of the ballots were late, the USPS says, because local election boards sent the ballots to voters at the last minute. Official press release.
“He would ask employees to make contributions at the same time that he would say, ‘I’ll get it back to you down the road,’ ” said [another] former employee.
...A Washington Post analysis of federal and state campaign finance records found a pattern of extensive donations by New Breed employees to Republican candidates, with the same amount often given by multiple people on the same day. Between 2000 and 2014, 124 individuals who worked for the company together gave more than $1 million to federal and state GOP candidates. Many had not previously made political donations, and have not made any since leaving the company, public records show.
[The audit] found the problems during primaries had been most pronounced in Kentucky and New York, where a combined 628,000 ballots were sent out late. In 17 states, the audit found, more than 589,000 ballots were sent from election boards to voters after the state’s ballot mailing deadline. In 11 states, more than 44,000 ballots were sent from election boards to voters the day of or the day before the state’s primary election.Furthermore, only 13% of the ballots were mailed with the recommended bar code tracking technology.
One particularly troubling situation, auditors found, unfolded in Pennsylvania, where 500 ballots were sent to voters the day after the election.
"When voters have to wait so long for results, it erodes trust in the process and leaves room for partisan bad actors to dispute the will of the people," said Amber McReynolds, CEO of the National Vote at Home Institute, a nonprofit organization.AG Bill Barr made three stunning false claims about mail voting during an interview with Wolf Blitzer last week. First, Barr wouldn’t even acknowledge that voting twice is a crime - because just hours earlier, Trump encouraged his North Carolina supporters to vote twice to “test” the state’s mail-in voting system (clip).
BLITZER: It sounds like he’s encouraging people to break the law and try to vote twice.Then, Barr tried to assert that foreign countries could fake ballots, but when challenged he admitted he had no evidence (clip).
BARR: It seems to me what he’s saying is, he’s trying to make the point that the ability to monitor this system is not good. And it was so good, if you tried to vote a second time you would be caught if you voted in person.
BLITZER: That would be illegal if they did that. If somebody mailed in a ballot and then actually showed up to vote in person, that would be illegal.
BARR: "I don't know what the law in the particular state says.”
BLITZER: You can’t vote twice.
BARR: "I don't know what the law in the particular state says.”
BLITZER: You’ve said you were worried that a foreign country could send thousands of fake ballots, thousands of fake ballots to people that it might be impossible to detect. What are you basing that on?Finally, Barr cited a supposed incident of mail-in voting fraud in Texas. Too bad it doesn’t exist.
BARR: I’m basing — as I’ve said repeatedly, I’m basing that on logic.
CREW: With Trump’s name removed from some buildings as it began to hurt property values, we can only imagine how toxic it would become if a bombshell in his tax returns were released. Which means the IRS Commissioner has a vested interest in the success of the Trump brand—and of preventing anything that could damage it.Voice of America staffers say Trump appointee Michael Pack is threatening to wash away legal protections intended to insulate their news reports from political meddling. Since arriving, Pack has fired the network's leaders, pushed out agency executives, refused to approve allotted budgets, and refused to renew visas for foreign employees.
“Mr. Pack has made a thin excuse that his actions are meant to protect national security, but just as was the case with the McCarthy ‘Red Scare,’ which targeted VOA and other government organizations in the mid-1950s, there has not been a single demonstrable case of any individual working for VOA — as the USAGM CEO puts it — ‘posing as a spy,’ ” they wrote.The White House is searching for a replacement for Federal Trade Commission Chair Joe Simons, a Republican who has publicly resisted President Donald Trump’s efforts to crack down on social media companies. Simons, a veteran antitrust lawyer, cannot legally be removed by the president except in cases of gross negligence. But the White House has already interviewed at least one candidate for the post.
Before conducting physical searches or wiretaps of a federal election official, members of the official's staff, candidates for federal office, or their staff or advisers, the FBI must now consider giving them a "defensive briefing," to tell them that they could be the target of foreign influence.submitted by rusticgorilla to Keep_Track [link] [comments]
2020.09.04 16:57 welcometosouthapp Welcome to South App #6: "Greek Invasion"
Friday, September 4th, 2020
I can’t believe Winston’s making me do this on my birthday!
It was sunrise on Gigi’s 19th birthday. She dragged a gas-powered chainsaw across the North Campus quad. An hour earlier, Winston had woken Gigi up with a phone call. “Fetch my chainsaw from under the bed and meet me at the library.” Click. Not even a “Happy birthday.”
So, she’d rolled out of bed in a white tank top and baby-blue yoga pants. Call it morbid curiosity. Only Winston could come up with such demands, after all.
Gigi was streaked in oil and sweat. She hobbled to the library entrance and let the hunk of metal fall to the ground. North Campus was a vast expanse of willow trees and solitude at sunrise. But something was very…off.
Suddenly, Winston popped out of the bushes and pointed a pistol at Gigi’s forehead. “You’re alone on campus on a day like today,” he rattled off. “Out of the blue, some hooligan hops out of the bushes and tells you to wring your pockets. But you’re wearing a sundress, so you don’t have any pockets. So instead, he-”
“YEET!” Gigi screamed, kicking Winston’s crotch. He crumbled to the ground, hitting a falsetto.
“Oh...shit! I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!”
“Shiiiet, it’s all right,” Winston moaned, rolling over on his back. Gigi’s frowning, pale face eclipsed the rising sun. “Happy birthday. It’s a Smith and Wesson Bodyguard. Too small for me. Be mindful of the trigger-pull and recoil. But I reckon it’s compact enough for your frou-frou jeans.”
“Oh! I...thank you! But why?” The warm gun fit in her small hand like a glove.
Winston stood up. “Hell, you’ve had my back since I got here. I reckon I oughta return the favor. I ain’t the brightest slice of pie in the knife drawer. But as long as you’re the brains, I may as well make due and be the brawn.”
I stole your other gun and our friends stole your fake IDs! is what Gigi wanted to say. “You...make me feel really safe, Winston!” is what she actually said, slipping the gun in her purse.
Winston lifted the chainsaw. “Welp, it’s time to cut some ties. We’ve got a rat in the frat. Some Alpha Beta Kappa brother pretendin’ to be one of us. See that tree down yonder? That’s their secret meet-up spot. And it’s gotta come down.”
ABK, or “All Big Kocks", started as a frat that met in an off-campus apartment. Then, Clyde (son of Dean Dale Crenshaw) took over. Overnight, the funding skyrocketed. This Honors Music Fraternity was BDE’s greatest rival. Live shows every Friday night, a 3.8 GPA entrance criteria, and co-ed. “Why go to any other frat parties?” Clyde would always argue. “When the women are already here?”
“So, about this rat,” Gigi mused, following Winston to the tree. “You asked him nicely to leave?”
“Well, let’s just say he’s branded for life. Name was Taggart, and we actually rushed together. Poor bastard.”
The lumberjack revved the chainsaw. His large pecs and biceps bulged under his shirt as he put that smoking-hot metal to work. He’d easily replaced 20 pounds of fat with muscle. And as that hundreds-year-old tree crashed to the ground, Gigi reminded herself to stay on his good side.
“Let’s get the fuck out of here!” Winston yelled, taking off. “They’ll arrest you too! Hell, you’re the one with the filed-off serial number.”
“W-what?!” Gigi’s voice cracked as she sprinted past him.
“Fuckin’ with ya, Gigi.”
Gigi rode shotgun in Winston’s truck. She kicked off her flats and began massaging her sore feet.
“Um...I definitely stink,” Gigi laughed nervously, slipping her shoe back on. That was Winston’s cue to roll the window back up. She reached into her purse and pulled out the huge charcoal bath bomb that she stole from Sarah. “Dear Chadwick Hughes’ spirit: all I want for my birthday is a bath!”
“Hmm.” Winston drove past Firewater Hall toward Greek Row. “You’re a wanted woman,” he reminded her. “If we go to the house, you’re gonna have to sneak in. If Ryan finds ya, he’ll put your head on a pike.”
Ah, Gigi thought. Because we snuck in, punched him out, and blew up his father’s ashes. Seems...fair.
They pulled up to the BDE house and saw Ryan’s white BMW in the driveway. Winston shut off his Roush engine and instinctively pulled Gigi’s head into his lap, hiding her from plain view.
“Here’s the plan, birthday gal. I’ll go upstairs and grab a shower in the guest bathroom. I’ll save ya some hot water. Wait here, and I’ll text ya when everything’s ready.”
Winston slipped inside. Gigi lay across the passenger and driver’s seat. She thought about bailing and driving to Denny’s for free birthday pancakes. But Winston had the keys. And as her sweating, greased-up body melted in that god-awful hot truck, she decided that she really wanted that bath.
Gigi drifted off to sleep. In her dreams, she sat at a kitchen table in a massive Beverly Hills mansion. In front of Winston were a birthday cake and a huge gift bag. “Happy birthday, Winston!” she exclaimed. Winston reached into the bag and pulled out his lost Colt Single Action Army. “Ta-da! It’s your gun!” Then, he pulled out his lost BDE binder. “Ta-da! It’s your fake IDs!” Finally, he reached into the bag and pulled out a pair of yellow and white striped panties with a lacy bow. “Ta-da! It’s my virginity!”
Gigi bolted awake to her phone vibrating. A text from Winston. Ready. Use the ladder. She sat up from her puddle of sweat and made her way around the side of the house.
At the top of the raggedy fire escape ladder, Gigi reached the second-story open window. Tea candles lined the shelf of an elegant clawfoot bathtub, filled to the brim with steaming water. Beside the tub was a shower caddy containing a bottle of merlot, a bag of chocolate-covered almonds, several high-end soaps and face masks, and a note.
To my partner in crime: I reckon we managed to evade the law quite a few times since we moved here. Truth is, ain’t no bathtubs in jail. Now, enjoy all this bougie shit that I found in Claire’s room. Happy birthday - Winston.
“He writes just like he speaks,” Gigi whispered, holding the letter to her chest.
Gigi stripped down to her underwear and neatly folded her clothes in a pile. On the floor was Winston’s t-shirt and blue jeans from earlier. I’m sure he’ll wear that again! She slipped off her yellow panties. After some thought, or no thought at all, she stuffed them into the back pocket of his jeans.
Gigi lowered herself into her first college bath. Even the water felt softer and silkier than in the dorm, whose water flowed from lead-flavored pipes. She picked her brain for every get-rich-quick scheme in the book, aspiring to live in such comfort full-time.
I could blackmail Sarah and Tai about that binder, she thought, submerging her head under water. Maybe I can convince them to give me a cut of their profits! So that a poor student like me can buy clothes that aren’t secondhand! But that would mean keeping the fake IDs a secret from Winston and betraying his trust...
Gigi shot up from the water, gasping for breath. She rubbed her eyes and slicked back her jet-black hair. Then, she unwrapped the bath bomb. It fizzled as a milky grey mist clouded her entire bath.
Winston, would you forgive me? Gigi lifted her hand out of the water and read her nearly-faded tattoo. And if I take a cut of their earnings, I’ll buy the cutest outfits to wear for you. I’m-
She lowered her tattooed hand into the cloudy water, where it disappeared between her legs.
“I’m ready for you, Winston.”
“Look at this swole son of a bitch!” greeted Brother Twinston, as Winston entered the cozy living room after his shower. They and eight other pledges dressed in white button-downs and tan slacks, adorned with a BDE pin on the collar.
Winston grabbed Twinston in a playful headlock. “I reckon ain’t nobody gonna be able to tell us apart now.”
“I reckon you’re right, stunt double!” Twinston agreed. This young man was a spitting image of Winston in looks and spirit. They had met at a frat party after taking whiskey shots and reaching for the pickle jar at the same time. Bromance at first sight.
“Enough faggotry,” Ryan commanded, walking up the podium by the fireplace. As the de-facto alpha of the room, his pomade-style hair stood taller than everyone else’s. Seven AM on Friday was BDE’s weekly meeting, and brothers were expressly forbidden from taking Friday classes. Because as soon as this was over, the weekend pre-gaming would commence.
“Now, Winston!” Ryan began. “Looks like your sausage fingers got some dirt under your nails. I trust the deed was done?”
“As motherfuckin’ Shakespeare said: the tree fell, nobody was around, and it still made a fuckin’ sound. I reckon ABK’s hideout is being hauled off by a truck as we speak.”
“You’ve never had a way with words,” Ryan pointed out. “But I gotta admit: you get shit done. Now, if another rat wants to show their face, I got no problem burning down their momma’s house. Next on the list. We gotta talk about two of our…ex-members. Claire and Connor. She packed up the rest of her shit and slipped out of here last night. I’ll be posting an application for Social Chair on our Facebook page.”
Last week, after Winston had caught Claire cheating on him with Frank, she had officially stepped down from BDE.
“Hell, let’s break tradition and make it a man, for Christ’s sake!” Twinston piped up. Despite only being a sophomore, he had clout among the senior brothers.
“I’ll consider it,” Ryan said, shrugging. “You know women: always afraid of commitment. Bitch didn’t even give a reason for leaving. Although I’m not gonna lie: I’m gonna miss those tits during strip poker.”
Two muscular black brothers gave each other a crisp high-five.
“Now, onto Connor. Not only did this beta bitch get a DUI, but he had our motherfucking coke on him.” Ryan tossed a bag of red-and-white cocaine on the coffee table. “Now what the fuck did we say about taking coke out of the house?”
“Don’t go to the buyers - let the buyers come to you,” the brothers responded in unison.
“Final topic of conversation,” Ryan announced, holding up a saloon-style wanted poster. “I’d like to announce that I've delivered swift, painful justice to the bastards who stole my father’s ashes.” On that poster were security camera photos of Frank, Tweed, and Chad - their faces X’d out. Next to their images were lo-res pics of Gigi and Sarah. “I’m increasing the bounty to 2500 bucks for whoever brings me the other two cunts.”
This bounty was news to Winston. Nobody knew he was even related to Sarah, or that Gigi was currently bathing upstairs. While the brothers salivated over the reward money, Ryan swiped a fire poker cast with BDE at the tip. “We took those three bastards out to the quad and branded them for life! Sent their bitch-asses packing. But as for these two dumb sluts...I think they were the masterminds of the whole goddamn plan. I say we tie ‘em down and apply directly to the forehead!”
“Yeah, man, fuck these ho’s,” Winston played along. “They did your daddy wrong. But real talk, I say we track ‘em down and exile them from the fuckin’ campus for life. Ain’t no use in getting thrown in jail for assault. Hell, that’s where those bitches belong.”
“Winston, I’m disappointed in you, chief,” Ryan said condescendingly, slamming the poker on the fireplace with a loud clank. He walked over to Winston and stood eye-to-eye with him. Dead silence. Finally, Ryan cracked a douchey grin.
“All right, all right,” Ryan chuckled. “I’ll go easy on ‘em...that is, if they drop to their knees and suck every last drop from us until they fucking drown!”
The brothers roared like animals, chanting Ryan’s name as he ripped open the bag of red-and-white cocaine. Winston forced a painful smile as the nausea set in. Ryan leaned over the coffee table and proceeded to snort his usual Friday-morning line.
“WHO’S GOT MOTHERFUCKING BIG DICKS?” Ryan screamed psychotically.
“WE DO!” the brothers yelled, banging their chests.
“AND ON MY DEAD DAD’S GRAVE! IF ANYBODY CROSSES BETA DELTA EPSILON, WE’LL DISEMBOWEL THEM AND SHIT DOWN THEIR THROATS!”
Ryan flipped over the glass coffee table, shattering it into pieces.
The massive South Campus quad was speckled with students playing ultimate frisbee, strumming guitars, and pretending to study. It was Tai’s happy place. Ever since Jacky turned him loose, he and Sarah had been practicing Krav Maga during sunset. A zen-like hobby that helped him clear his mind and shrink his erection.
Tai landed a shaky roundhouse kick as he spotted a young lady in the corner of his eye.
“I’ve got your rematch, Sarah,” Tai jeered, landing a sloppy jump-spinning crescent kick. But as he stuck the landing, he witnessed Gigi in a traditional kimono and a chopstick bun.
“I accept your challenge in Sarah’s stead!” Gigi cheered, bowing deeply.
“Wait...huh? Where’s Sarah?”
“Ah, in celebration of my 6,939th day on Planet Earth, she elected to maintain a record of meeting notes in my dreadful Comparative Literature enrichment!”
A blank stare from Tai as he slowly shifted into a guarding stance.
“I mean...it’s my fucking birthday, so she went to class for me!” She kicked off her flats and crouched into a grappling stance. “Now, will you hand over a third of your fake ID profits? Or will I have to spill the Bush’s Bourbon and Brown Sugar baked beans to Winston?”
“W-what?! Who told you?”
“Hmmm...twas but a whisper in the wind - a grape from the vine!” Gigi inched toward Tai, who cautiously backed up.
“Okay, look...don’t, um, don’t do anything drastic! We’re gonna pay it back to him, I promise. If you think about it, we’re just doing the work for him. It’s just that...well, it’s been a tough week so we can’t really afford to give you that kind of money!”
“As you wish. I’ll have to beat it out of you instead!”
Tai threw a lunging side kick. But the swift Gigi virtually teleported behind him. She jammed her thumbs into the tender spot below his ears.
“Fool, a petite fighter such as myself must play defensively,” Gigi bragged, regrouping. “I’ve been watching you. Looks like those kicks have thrown you off balance, Mister Flat Foot!”
“You can kiss that ID money goodbye,” Tai scoffed, rubbing his pressure points.
“That’s perfectly fine, grasshopper! I don’t intend to ask for it.”
Tai side-stepped and tried for a sweep kick. Gigi raised her leg over her head like a Chinese gymnast. He fell forward from his own momentum, but Gigi pressed her foot against his face to stop the fall. She wiggled her toes, then gave him a firm roundhouse to the side of the head. Tai fell back onto the grass. As he lost his breath, she wrapped her arms and legs around him from behind. A rear-naked chokehold that Sarah would've been damn proud of.
“Jaleo gada, jaleo gada, jaleo gada,” Gigi cooed in Korean, squeezing his windpipe. And “go to sleep” he did.
Ten minutes later, Tai sat up with a start, drenched in sweat. A ring of students surrounded him.
“Break it up, dudes and dudettes!” Sarah exclaimed, forcing her way through the crowd. The students dispersed as she helped the oblivious Tai to his feet.
“Oh...fuck,” Tai groaned. He fumbled for his minimalist metal wallet. Six-hundred dollars in cash was gone.
“You got robbed, my guy?” Sarah asked, kigh as a hite.
“That’s not even the half of it. This is bad. I have a lot to explain to you.”
Tai recapped his encounter with Gigi, while he and Sarah sipped lattes on the library’s top floor.
“Holy mother of balls,” Sarah whispered after Tai explained Gigi’s blackmailing.
“Look, maybe we come clean. Do you think you can talk to Winston?”
“Not a chance in Woodstock,” Sarah replied, frantically shaking her dreadlocks. “My brother’s all about loyalty first. He’d cut my hair while I was asleep and he’d circumcise you while you were awake.”
Tai instinctively covered his crotch as they stopped at a bulletin board. “So...we’re Gigi’s bitches," said Tai. "If we owe her a cut every time we make a sale, we’ve gotta find a better market.” On cue, he swiped a flyer from the bulletin board. TONIGHT: Alpha Beta Kappa proudly presents the Housewarming Masquerade. $10 cover. All students welcome.
The good ole’ southern twins stood on the wrap-around porch, whiskey in hand.
“Look, brother,” Twinston started, patting Winston’s back. “I’ve known Ryan for a year. I know he can get a little...impulsive with his words. But that don’t mean he’s impulsive with his actions. You’re worried about them two girls, aren’t ya?”
Winston was one text message away from telling Gigi and Sarah to flee campus. During last month’s frat party, he had never thought to question why Frank and Gigi had shown up in the first place. It never occurred to him that they were there to blow Ryan’s father’s legacy to smithereens.
Ryan stumbled out in a bright red bathrobe that matched his stuffy, red nose. “Shit, I almost forgot to ask ya, Winston,” he slurred. “I meant to collect your fake ID money for this week.”
Winston was so close to coming clean. Some jack-off stole the binder! he wanted to say. But the punishment for having lost it would be swift and fierce. So, he reached into his wallet and pulled out 600 bucks, straight from his own student loan account.
“Geez, tough week again, huh?” Ryan jeered, snatching the cash. “Where have you been trying to sell them?”
“Oh, you know...the regular beats,” Winston lied. “I reckon I ain’t gonna hit the library on weekdays no more.”
“The library?” Twinston repeated, bewildered. “Shit, what’s it like in there? Ain’t never been.”
“Not your brightest moment, I’m not gonna lie,” Ryan chuckled at Winston. “But, at least you learned your lesson for next week.” Winston nodded, taking it on the chin. If he had to make another withdraw, there wouldn’t be a “next week.” Winston had to find that ID thief.
“Whoa, what the hell?” Twinston pointed at a fleet of U-Haul vans, led by a 2021 silver BMW. They watched as the vehicles pulled into the driveway of the empty frat house next door.
“Holy fucking shit,” Ryan gasped. “It’s motherfucking Alpha Beta Kappa.”
The bald driver opened the butterfly doors. Thick marijuana smoke trickled out of the car. The passenger doors sprang up, and out hopped a freckle-faced redhead with a pornstar body. She brought a wheelchair over to the driver’s side and helped the bald guy into the seat. Then, she marveled at the huge mansion and jumped up and down in her stilettos, her huge breasts bouncing in her tight corset. She rushed into the new house, pausing to give Winston a quick glance before she entered.
Another redhead, huh? Winston thought. My favorite flavor.
The bald guy rolled over to the BDE house in his wheelchair, a present in his lap. His large biceps and tattoos were on full display in his worn Guns N’ Roses sleeveless tee. His jeans were bleached and destroyed and his black Converse were spotless.
“What’s up, neighbors?” the paraplegic spoke in a loud, baritone voice. He handed the present to Ryan. “I’m Clyde, President of Alpha Beta Kappa. Looks like we’re gonna be seeing a whole lot of each other.”
“Uh...yeah, my name’s Ryan.” He extended a hand while using the other to dab his bloody nose. “So...I thought Tri-Delt leased the house next door.”
“I assume you know sororities almost as well as I do. Truth is: women are too damn afraid of commitment. You gonna open that present or what?”
Ryan slipped off the bow and tore the wrapping paper. It was a penis pump.
“Now, let me lay down some ground rules for you and your twins,” Clyde continued, straightening his posture in the chair. “There’s only room for one big dick on Greek Row. Now you may think you have a big dick. But there’s a gang of nine-inch fresh-cut cocks in town.”
Clyde whistled with his fingers. The U-Haul truck doors rolled up. And out came a cavalry of ABK brothers, hauling furniture toward the house as they chanted “All Big Kocks!” Like pallbearers, they each grabbed a corner of expensive sofas, desks, and beds. Posing on top of each piece of furniture was a topless ABK sister. The brothers escorted them like royalty into the soon-to-be furnished mansion.
Clyde unfolded a flyer from his back pocket and handed it to Ryan. “Bring your asses tonight. There are plenty more tits where those came from.” It was an invitation to the ABK Housewarming Masquerade. Clyde swiveled around and rolled back on over to his new house. “By the way!” Clyde called out. “I don’t condone Taggart for spying on y’all like he did! I don’t care who you work for: a rat is a rat!”
“That’s bullshit,” Ryan whispered. He knew good and well that Taggart’s spying was planned and coordinated by Clyde himself. “If they’re gonna spy on us, we’re gonna do the same fuckin’ thing to them.”
“Sit back and relax,” Winston finally broke his silence, standing tall next to his doppelganger. “My twin and I will crash this party and dig up as much dirt as possible.”
“And he and I are the only two who can be in two places at once,” Twinston added.
“Then we infiltrate tonight!” Ryan announced. “Because gentlemen, Greek Row is a pair of tight spandex trunks. And there’s only room for one big dick.”
Watching Tai work was amazing.
At the ABK Masquerade, the masked Sarah sat at the bar in the massive concert venue. Clyde’s 90’s cover band was onstage. Like clockwork, the masked Tai would sniff out gay clientele, grab a fake ID from the binder, approach him, make out with him on the dance floor, and come back with a fistful of dollars.
“I’m averaging one sale per song,” Tai panted, wiping somebody’s lipstick from his mouth. “Here, hit me with another ID!”
“You do know this is borderline prostitution, my dude?”
Prostitution or not, they racked up a thousand bucks in the first hour. And with Gigi taking a cut of their sales, they were going to need that extra money to keep this operation afloat.
“Take a break, will ya?” Sarah suggested, patting the barstool next to her.
The freckle-faced redhead from Clyde’s BMW was bartending. She wore bright blue fairy wings, a lacy corset, and a glittery half-mask. “Two lemon drops, my loves,” she cooed in a Scottish accent, setting the drinks on the bar. “Aw, I love how comfy you two look!”
Tai and Sarah were dressed down in South App hoodies and yoga pants: items that every female or gay student owned. The goal was to not stand out while selling fake IDs. And yet, they had failed to wear masks.
“I prefer to dress like I do around the house,” the fairy said with a smile, fluttering off to help the next patron.
Outside, Winston and Twinston - the twin spies - walked up the ABK steps in matching button-downs, slacks, and white opera masks. They psyched each other up. The “Who’s got big dicks? We’ve got big dicks!” standard affair. Suddenly, a pack of drunk girls stormed out the front door and spilled an entire glass of cranberry vodka on Winston’s khakis. “Suck it up, buttercup!” she slurred, stumbling off with her posse. Co-ed fraternity girls were a different breed.
“Shit,” Winston muttered, looking down at the mess.
“Better go change, brother,” Twinston suggested. “I’mma gather some intel until you get back.”
Winston retreated to the BDE house while Twinston entered the party alone. He stood at the entrance, absorbing the nostalgia of the 90’s rock set. Permanently-seated Clyde was on drums. A crowd of groupies sang along up front while everyone else gathered on the dance floor.
“Jack and Coke,” Twinston told the fairy bartender. “If you have time.”
From the dance floor, Tai and Sarah were casually mingling and making fake ID sales. They were also people-watching. “It’s fucking uncanny,” Tai began, pointing at Twinston from afar.
“I’m telling you, that’s not Winston,” Sarah argued. “If you want proof, ask him to drop his pants. My brother has a birthmark on his upper-left ass cheek.”
“That dude could fool almost anyone though. But a sister always knows.”
Suddenly, all eyes shot toward the front door. In walked a young South Korean student in a baby-blue evening dress. Trailing behind her was a long, ornate satin train. The side-splitting fabric exposed her white-laced garter belt that ran from her thighs to her matching open-toed high heels. Instantly, she won the room.
Clyde hit the final snare, ending his Jane’s Addiction cover. “Well, don’t just stand there, princess!” Clyde called out to the woman, beckoning her onstage with a drumstick. “Come on up and introduce yourself.”
Princess Gigi obliged, but not before giving Tai and Sarah a passing glance. “I hope you’re on your A-game with those sales,” she whispered with a devious grin. “Because I need money for a red dress just like this one!”
Sarah tugged on Tai’s sleeve. “Let’s get the fuck out of here!” she hissed. “Hey...uh bartender?”
“I’m Miri,” the Scottish redhead responded. “But I bid you call me Miri.”
“Miri, care to point us to the back door?”
Tai and Sarah slipped through the kitchen and out the back door. Miri kept pouring for thirsty patrons, all while eyeing this Korean bombshell on stage.
“Um...hi, everyone!” Gigi greeted, while the seated Clyde held the microphone to her mouth. “It’s my birthday today, and...I’m sober! Who wants to help me change that?”
Every man on the dance floor cheered like Quentin Tarantino with a glass slipper. Their girlfriends gave Gigi dirty looks, holding their men close. Clyde leaned into her ear. “Don’t let me catch you paying for a single drop tonight.” He turned around and rolled back to the drum set. He clicked his sticks and began a Chili Peppers cover. The party was back underway.
“Another Jack and Coke,” Twinston requested from Miri. “Make it a double-shot.” From the bar, he’d watched the entire spectacle. Now, Gigi was walking over to him.
“Please read,” Gigi said, plopping down next to Twinston. She slipped the thin fabric of her dress to the side, exposing a pale white thigh. Then, she reached under her garter belt for a letter. She slid it across the bar, showing off her baby-blue painted nails. Twinston peeled off the heart-shaped sticker and unfolded the letter. Written in cursive was the most kinky, depraved to-do list of sex acts he had ever seen. At the bottom was a signed statement: For my birthday I, Ji-hye “Gigi” Moon, hereby sign my virginity over to Winston Arnold Beavers.
Clearly, Gigi had the wrong man.
As soon as Miri returned with Twinston's drink, Gigi swiped it. She sipped her first taste of whiskey through a straw, her bedroom eyes growing wider and wider. She slammed the glass of ice on the bar. Then, she leaned into Twinston’s ear and passed an ice cube from her mouth to his.
“Hey, uh...bartender?” Twinston stammered, as Gigi ran her tongue across his fuzzy beard.
“Back door’s through the kitchen,” Miri laughed in a Scottish accent as she watched the flirtatious pair.
Twinston grabbed Gigi’s hand and jetted out of there. If Winston caught them, he’d impale them with his chainsaw and cut the engine on. So they cut across the back yard and entered Twinston’s first-floor bedroom through the window. She immediately slipped out of her dress, leaving on nothing but the heels and garter belt. And as the masked girl spread her legs, Twinston kept telling himself that this was consensual.
Winston entered the ABK house in a filthy pair of blue jeans from that morning. The crowd waved their lighters while Clyde’s band played Semisonic’s “Closing Time.” Seeing as it was last call, Winston made a bee-line for the bar. “I’ll have a Jack and Coke, Miss,” Winston said to Miri, tipping his hat. “If you have time.”
Miri cocked her head, her wings and eyebrows twitching. “Wait...what’s going on?” she asked, taken aback by Winston’s twin from five minutes earlier.
“Alcoholism, that’s what,” Winston chuckled. “Why, I reckon you’ve just seen a ghost. Wanna have a drink with me to calm the spirits?” He was here to gain ABK intel. But her freckled face, wavy red hair, and Scottish accent were definitely a bonus.
“Apparently so!” Miri laughed, her breasts bouncing up and down in that tight corset. “Tell you what: I’ll toast with ya.”
Miri poured Winston’s Jack and Coke and the umpteenth cranberry vodka of the night. But like the mystical fairy creature she was, she garnished her drink with a handful of blueberries, a splash of lemon juice, and a basil leaf.
“Seventy-nine,” Winston randomly said as they clinked glasses across the bar.
“Seventy-nine. I reckon that’s how many freckles you have on your face.”
“Ah...well, let’s see. I've never counted before. But on my whole body? Well...we’re definitely in quadruple digits.” Miri leaned in close, the scent of gin and spearmint on her breath. “If you want to take me to my room and count them, I can do 150 an hour. That is, if you’re a fast counter.”
Winston chuckled, then slipped something into her henna-tattooed hand. “I mighty appreciate it. But I’d rather ya tell me a little bit about this place. Thinkin’ about pledging.” A lie, of course.
Without missing a beat, Miri slapped a bag of blue-and-white cocaine on the bar. “Tell ya what: you try ours and I’ll try yours.” Right in front of everyone, she opened the bag of red-and-what cocaine and split it into lines.
Winston’s jaw dropped. It was all coming together in his slow-churning mind. Taggart and ABK had been gathering intel to corner the entire fucking college cocaine market. While Miri dropped her head to do a line, Winston slipped his rival’s cocaine into his pocket. All right, I’ve got what I came for. No thanks to Twinston. Time to report back to Ryan.
“Yo, the concert’s over but the night has just fucking begun!” Clyde announced on the mic. “Ladies only: get your asses to the center of the dance floor. You know what time it is!”
Miri’s head shot up from her third line of cocaine. She released an orgasmic Scottish moan. Then, this mystical fairy pranced into the center of the room, spun on her heel, and gave a curtsey in her outfit.
What the hell is going on? Winston thought, sipping his whiskey. He reached into his back pocket for a napkin and felt something else instead. Slowly, he held Gigi’s lacy yellow panties in front of his face. Miri, how the hell did you put this in my pocket without me noticing? Hell, I reckon this bitch is a fairy after all.
“DJ, hit the music!” Clyde commanded. Fergie’s “London Bridge” blared through the speakers and rang across Greek Row. The tipsy Miri swayed her hips to the violent bass beat, shedding her wings. Applause erupted from the crowd.
“Now just what are we to do about this corset?” Miri cooed, puckering her lower lip.
“Take it off!” the brothers chanted. And she did. Winston instantly realized that her “1000-freckles” estimate was correct.
“Lose that skirt!” the crowd commanded.
Winston nervously tapped his foot. Not because he was afraid of seeing a naked woman. That road was heavily-traveled and full of potholes. But Miri was drunk, and nobody was doing a damn thing about it. She hooked her thumbs beneath her pink-and-blue skirt and pulled it down to her ankles. No underwear, and a hundred more freckles on Winston’s scoreboard.
“Make yourself decent, moron!” Winston called out, sling-shotting the yellow panties across the room to Miri. She reached up and caught them, red-eyed high and shit-faced drunk. “These…these aren’t mine. But they sure are cute!”
What?! Who the fuck do they belong to then? And why the fuck were they in my pocket?!
Regardless, Miri slipped into the tight panties. She gave a polite curtsy and fluttered away through the kitchen and out the back door.
“Yo, what the fuck man?” Clyde raged as he watched the action from his wheelchair. “You fuckin’ scared her off! DJ, cut the music!”
Fergie stopped singing and all eyes fell on Winston. He took a deep breath and boldly stepped into the center of the dance floor. “She was fucking wasted, partner. Are y’all really gonna make her do all that?”
“It doesn’t fucking matter,” Clyde seethed. “It’s Friday: we drink, and Miri strips. She’s a whore. And that’s what whores do. Who the fuck do you think you are anyway? S-s-somebody take off his mask!”
But Winston removed his own mask and tossed it on the floor. There he was: invading ABK just as the phony Mississippian Taggart had invaded BDE.
“Leave it to a Beta to look for pussy at an Alpha’s party!” Clyde jeered over the mic. “Can you all believe this white-knight faggot tried to stand up for a fuckin’ whore?”
Winston couldn’t resist a comeback. It was too easy. “At least I can actually stand, you fucking cretin.”
Every single hand covered a gasping mouth. Winston turned and walked into the kitchen, building up to a sprint out the back door. Rabid yells from behind as he cut across BDE’s back yard, dashing past rows of trees and street lights to the end of Greek Row. At the dimly-lit street sign, he collapsed into the grass.
Winston, ya done fucked up now.
“Yo, you okay, bro?” somebody called out.
Winston looked up and saw two douchey frat boys carrying acoustic guitars. Before he could get up, one of them had already hoisted him to his feet. He winced as he put pressure on a sprained ankle.
“You had way too much, my man!” Guitar Guy 1 said. “And it’s not even nine yet. Gotta pace yourself!”
“Yeah, man,” agreed Guitar Guy 2, brushing grass off Winston’s shoulder. “Hey, why don’t you come with us to Alpha Beta Kappa’s party? I hear our president’s band is fuckin’ killing it tonight.”
Winston felt his soul leave his body. Suddenly, Guitar Guy 1’s phone rang.
“Hello?” Guitar Guy 1 answered his phone. “Hey, what’s up, Clyde. Yeah, yeah, we’re almost there. We’ve got our guitars and...huh? Oh shit, you talking ‘bout the guy dressed like a cowboy? Yeah, man, he’s right here. Drunk as fuck, I’ll tell ya h’what. Wait, what? He said what to you? No, fuck that. FUCK. THAT! Yeah, man, we’re gonna take care of him right the fuck now!”
Winston slowly backed up to the street sign, a hot pain searing through his ankle. Running was out of the question.
“You so much as move, we aim for the head,” said Guitar Guy 2, shouldering his weapon.
Winston placed his back to the street sign and sank to a seated position. He looked up at the fretted assailants. Not with fear, but with acceptance. “I know all about your frat’s cocaine operation. And all I gotta say: I’m gonna run it into the motherfuckin’ ground.”
Guitar Guy 1 went for a cross slice, cracking the guitar against Winston’s head. He bled before he hit the grass in a fetal position. His body convulsed in a seizure.
“Yo, no face shots!” Guitar Guy 2 screamed, kicking Winston in the ribs to vent his frustration. He brought his ax above his head and hammered down on his gut. Winston released the death cry of a wounded gazelle. But instead of delivering that final blow, the Guitar Guys looked at one another and nodded. Then, they dropped their pastel board shorts and proceeded to piss on Winston’s wounds from head to toe.
“Look at the sign and tell me what the fuck it says, cuck!” Guitar Guy 1 yelled, stomping his face with his boat shoes one last time. They zipped up their shorts and ran off. A groaning Winston wiped his bloody, sopping-wet face and looked up at the sign. Crenshaw Ave. Just like his father’s legacy, Clyde was here to stay.
Winston blacked out.
It wasn’t rape. It was my choice. It wasn’t rape. It was my choice. It. Was. My choice.
Gigi stared at her reflection in the dorm room mirror. Tears and mascara flowed down her face, streaking her cleavage and her wrinkled gown. With fumbling hands, she unwrapped a Plan B Morning-After Pill and slipped it between her dry, chapped lips. She cupped some water into her hand and swallowed, gripping the edges of the sink as she looked back at the defiled girl in the mirror. Hours earlier, she had been pure. Now, she stank of sweat, Walmart-brand musk, and a stranger’s bodily fluids. It was only when Twinston had taken off his mask that she’d realized she had made love to a man she did not know.
Only minutes to midnight. Soon, the wrinkled evening gown would disappear, and Gigi would be reduced to dirty rags and cloths. “This...this is certainly the kind of dress I would want to die in,” she told her reflection, forcing a smile as she permitted tears to flow freely.
A fall from the seventh story would surely kill Gigi. She envisioned her mangled corpse on the gnarled roots below. Then, she feverishly latched onto something to keep her alive for one more day.
Froyo! Tomorrow was the grand opening of the local frozen yogurt joint. I’ll get to choose my favorite sugary toppings to pile on my watermelon sorbet. But tonight, I didn't choose to have sex with that man. It was not. My. Fault.
Gigi’s phone rang. It was Sarah. “Gigi, get your ass down to the third floor - quick!”
Gigi flew down the stairs, tripping over a few drunk students in the process. She stood in the doorway of Room 309, where a bloodied cowboy lay his head in Sarah’s lap. Tai sat on the futon, handing Sarah gauze and rubbing alcohol from the first aid kit.
“Gigi,” Winston mumbled. He lifted his head, then set it back down as he erupted into a coughing fit. “You look...great. Not as sexy as my sister though. But I’m from the South, so it’s family first. Roll tide...”
Sarah and Gigi smiled weakly, seeing how Winston was slowly returning back to normal. But Gigi’s smile turned to shock as she got a closer look at his face. One eye was swollen shut and bleeding from the corner. A large knot on his head oozed pus, even as Sarah frequently dabbed it with a tissue. His twitching body hinted at the lacerations and bruises beneath his bloody t-shirt. And through Winston’s smile, he was missing a bottom tooth.
“Everybody fucking leave!” Gigi exploded, dropping to her knees and laying her head on Winston’s chest. He winced at first, but slowed his breathing as she held his hand. She sobbed her eyes out, soaking Winston’s shirt and beard.
“Gigi, look,” Tai said, placing a hand on her shoulder. “Winston needs all of us right now. Not just-”
Gigi fetched the 22-caliber pistol from her purse and slammed it on the tile floor. “I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT! OUT, OUT, OUT!”
Winston’s heart raced as Gigi squeezed his hand with all her might. “It’s all my fault,” she whispered, as if they were already alone. “If only I let you keep your gun, you could have defended yourself.”
“Buddy, that just ain’t plum-fuckin’ true. Ain’t nobody’s fault but mine. I talked shit and got hit.”
Sarah and Tai quietly slipped out the door, most likely to count their fake ID earnings.
Gigi positioned Winston’s head on her lap and ran her small hands through his messy brown hair. “This ain’t the first time you caught me covered in piss. Reckon it won’t be the last.”
Gigi giggled. “I’ll...I’ll be here all night to protect you.” She clutched the gun with one hand and ran her fingers through his hair with the other. “And we can wash your hair in the morning.”
“Thanks, buddy. I reckon I done gots me a few enemies now. So...ya ain’t gonna let the piss fairies sneak in and give me a golden shower...are ya?”
“I...I won’t let you down!” Gigi laughed, gripping the gun. “And if the pee bandits come around here, I’ll politely escort their hind keisters a third-of-a-dozen floors north, where their skin shall bubble under the 100 Kelvin internal temperature of our antiquated heating and cooling apparatus!”
“Shit,” Winston moaned, closing his eyes and drifting off to sleep. “If they don’t fix your AC sooner or later...you may have to move down here and live with me.”
While Winston rested, Gigi stood watch all night. She forgot all about what Twinston had done to her. Misery loved company. And while Gigi never wished for anything bad to happen to Winston, his timing couldn’t have been better.
submitted by welcometosouthapp to welcometosouthapp [link] [comments]
2020.08.29 00:16 nor_aww Pee spy 20
Thanks to everyone on this sub - it's been really helpful just to have a community going through this with me. I haven't gotten my full results back yet, but I wanted to provide a few observations from the other side. (ninja edit: got my results back and it was 5 ATs!)
2020.08.21 14:41 sharkytoothy What should I do??
It's a looooooong post/rant. Thanks for taking the time and effort to read through this..
Background: I'm a international undergraduate (26 F) studying in Australia. Staying in a 2 bedroom apartment with 1 bathroom. Housemate T - 5 years old than me, PhD student, found her online. Was desperate on finding a housemate as my friend was moving out to another suburb. Her name is not on the lease, I'm subletting one of the rooms to her (my landlord knows about it) Our rent is divided in half equally and we share the costs of utilities. Our apartment comes fully furnished as well. T was supposed to move out in May 2020 as my parents were coming over to visit. TRUE REGRETS RIGHT NOW cause I agreed to extend her lease for a few more months due to costs concerns.
COUNTING DOWN THE DAYS TO MY FREEDOM
Things that trigger me off:
2020.08.03 23:07 GenTenScientist_sPen [M4F] 33 My little sister threatened to post here for me if I didn't--- PART DEUX: The Cripple Returns
(Part 2 because I've tried posting here in the past.)
Did the title bring you here? Sweet! It worked.
Though I regret to inform you, you've been duped..
I know, I know, my apologies. Not the greatest way to kick things off, seeing as we're both here looking for a lasting relationship.
But hey, you're already here, so why not stick around and see what I have to say, right?
I DO have a little sister, but I doubt she knows I have a Reddit account, and a little brother too. They're super cool kids, and easily my favorite people on the whole entire planet. She recently graduated with an engineering degree from the University of Hawaii. (By the way, I grew up in Hawaii, so if you've never been, I'm your ticket there!!!) She's wicked smart. Smarter than me by lightyears. And I'm pretty damned smart.
But I digress.
I'm here to tell you about myself, not my younger sibs, even though they're both awesome and you should totally meet them because I just know you'll be best fr---
Damn it. Sorry.
I'm done now, I swear!
About me. Hmmm, let's see...
Why am I posting in ForeverAloneDating ? Welp.
In short, my life as of late has been a mess and I'm tired of being lonely. I'm carrying some heavy baggage.
I probably shouldn't admit such things in a dating ad, but aren't all of us here because we're lonely and at least somewhat of a mess? But on the upside, it means I'm not gonna judge you for your past baggage, so there's that.
What else, what else. I should start throwing in some positive points about myself before I lose ya.
Ten facts about me:
1•I'm a cat person. I love animals in general, but definitely a cat person. Favorite wild cat is the Lynx. Those beasts are majestic and deadly as fuck.
2•I love love love to read. Sci-fi and horror are at the top of my list, which goes for movies as well. Though I'm also a sucker for spy/military novels. Tom Clancy and such. My favorite author is Neil Gaiman, favorite book is a fantasy by him called American Gods. He also wrote the children's book that the movie Coraline was based off of, and he's written some wicked awesome comic books.
3•Oh yeah, total nerd here. MCU movies and DC comic books. Very much NOT the other way around. I also may have played an unhealthy amount of Magic the Gathering in my mid 20s.
4•A few favorite movies would be 1. Serenity 2. Inception 3. Dark Knight 4. Insidious(only the first one) and 5. The Departed. I'm quite fond of a lot of older movies as well.
5•My absolute favorite band is the Silversun Pickups. According to Spotify some other favorites are Tool, Stone Sour, Audioslave, Garbage and the Kills
6•I have a weird obsession with Ireland and all things Celtic. I'm not sure when it started, but Ireland is on the top of my travel bucket list. (Yes, I totally have a travel bucket list, that's also got India, Australia, and Turkmenistan on it.) And I've been half assed trying to teach myself Irish Gaelic for years.
7•I'm currently working on getting published as an author, in the process of working on 2 projects, plus a short story. The first of the 2, which I'm aiming to finish by my birthday in October, is a fictional but autobiographical story about my journey through depression and a lot of physical health issues I battled the last few years. The working title is 30 Days to Lee. The second is a massive science fiction plot I'm aiming to finish by my following birthday in October of 2021. That one I'm calling Surcai's Bismuth. The short story is a companion piece to the sci-fi project.
8•Speaking of October, Halloween is my favorite holiday of them all. I love everything about it.
9•Among those health issues mentioned above, I survived a bout with an oh-so-fun flesh eating bacteria called Necrotizing Fasciitis that I contracted somehow in Colorado in summer of 2016. It should've killed me, but I'm a boss so I bitch slapped it.
10•I have 1 credit to my name on IMDB for a documentary that was done about me when I was 17.
Still with me? Nice!
And now, on to being brutally honest and filling in some holes for the above information.
The documentary. Okay, here goes. I was born with Spina Bifida. A defect that left me paralyzed from the waist down. So yeah...bombshell. I'm in a wheelchair. The documentary is about that. It has not stopped me living very much, seeing as I've played wheelchair basketball, I can swim just fine with my massive arms, I raced competitively a lot as a kid. I've even climbed a cliff once. No joke, there's proof on YouTube just ask. I don't let the chair limit me much. I've held many jobs including working in the radio industry, volunteering in a children's hospital, I was a nanny for a 2 year old girl named Rosie, and more.
I really hate having to get into personal details about my disability, not because I'm ashamed, but because it's almost always a dealbreaker after the first date, and often even before that. But I'm open to answering questions since obviously we'll need to be open with each other. I will however answer 2 of the most common first questions.
2020.06.29 00:13 Scim_ Pee spy 20
So this more or less a "tripreport" to my second time smoking weed because it felt more like a trip then a regular weed high. Well i never tripped but from what people say about trips, this is what it felt like.
I first wanna set the scene here a bit.
Its the 24th of June 2020, it was the beginning of summer and i didnt have anything to do. I finished all my final exams and school is cancelled because of corona. So me and my friend took this opportunity to kinda treat ourselfs for a successful year. We talked about smoking weed again the previous days and weeks. Unfortunately our Dealer was low on weed due to corona. Kinda turned down by that we waited. And waited. And waited. But then one day my friend messaged me on Whatsapp ,,Get on snapchat. I think you know what im on about!". For those who dont know, Snapchat is one of the few apps where you can talk about weed without the Police spying on you. At least in my country. So hyped af i texted him on snapchat and asked ,,Does he finally have some weed?" to what he replied with ,,positive". We met up and he went to our dealer. My dad gave me the task to trim a few hedges which i had to finish before afternoon, so thats why he went alone there. Finally done with the hedges i packed my backpack with 3 bottles of water, parfume to not smell like pure kush and my bluetooth speaker. I didnt get any snacks because we both are a bit overweight and chewing down several packs of chips and gummies while having the high munchies wont help that xD. All prepared, we went to our smoke spot which is an old military base which now funktions as a camp for immigrants. Its not the prettiest spot to smoke but it we went into a nearby alley which was actually really secluded. And this is where the actualy ,,Trip" begins:
T00:01 We start lighting up the joint which looked like it contained tobacco in it, so it actually was a spliff. (We cant get our hands on papers so thats why we ordered pre rolled j's). I took my first hit and immediately felt the high coming. I had to cough nonstop which made me anxious that someone would here us.
T00:02 I took a few more hits and immediately feel dizzy. At this point i smoked like a third of the j and my friend another third. I sat down because i felt really nauseous and dizzy. And BOOM, i had a full on blackout. I dont know what happened in the next minutes but just some fractions. I can just try and butcher something together. So I feel like im watching myself in first person almost like a movie. I couldn't really control my body and just starred at one point. It felt like so much time was passing by but in reality i just started at one point for 5 seconds. My body kinda waved from left to right, to the point where it felt like that my head and torso wave apart from each other and they sort of click out of each other. This moment was like my body turned into airplane mode. I couldn't control myself, i only whispered really silently and all of a sudden i had to breathe heavy, almost hyperventilating. There was no real reason to it, i just had to heavily breathe.
T00:05 I didnt take another hit yet, i just saw my friend literally pulling that joint down like a fuckin maniac. I felt bad for him, because if i felt that terrible after just a few hits, how does my friend feel right now? Thats why i wanted to take another hit, to kinda support him with getting down this j so that we could go for a walk. I asked him if i can get another hit and he handed my the joint. I tried to lift my arm but it suddenly became heavy as fuck and almost impossible to lift. Grabbing the joint was even harder but i somehow managed to do it. I took another hit and felt extremly nauseous again. My friend was like a hero clearing the other 2 thirds of the joint because i couldnt do it no matter what i tried. For some reason i didnt just wanna throw the joint away but rather smoke it all up.
T00:10 I thought that the first hour already passed since we smoked. I looked at my phone it only were 10 minutes. I didnt wanna stay at this place anymore because of all the grey concrete and metal scaffoldings. I wanted to go to a spot about 20 mins away where it was just fields and sun. It felt too cold in that place with all that grey around. So we got up. Standing up was really challenging under these circumstances.
T00:13 We exited out the same entrance we came from, which was just a little hill about 10 metres high and not really steep, but in that moment when we tried to literally climb up that hill we felt like rock climbers climbing up the mount everest. It was just too steep and high but we somehow managed to get up the hill.
T00:15 We walked along and i noticed 2 kids playing on a dirt hill probably around 12 yrs old. I thought of how fucked up it is that its possible that kids could buy this kind of weed that is catapulting you into another dimension because on the blackmarket there is no age restriction. You also dont know what kind of fucked up shit you are getting. For example my first time smoking weed was really mellow and chill but THIS TIME i got fuckin send INTO STRATOSPHERE. Thats why i want this shit to be legal. Buying weed on the blackmarket is just a gamble of either having a chill time or a HORRIBLE TRIP. You dont know what you are buying. It could be crazy artificial grown weed stretched with fuckin dried camel feces. Thats not just made up. Some study here bought weed of off the black market and inspected it. Turned out it had literal camel shit in it.
T00:20 We walked through a forest and both of us felt this burning feel of the sun in our neck. Every shadow was like a checkpoint where we could rest and catch a breathe again. We just walked for 5 mins and felt so exhausted. Like we ran a marathon.
T00:25 I thought i saw a big ass eagle in the corner of my eye but there was nothing there. Hallucinations?
T00:35 we arrived at the spot which was just a corner of a trail, I pulled out my bluetooth speaker and we listened to some music. The music depending on the song made me feel happy or sometimes really uneasy to the point where i had to skip songs because i felt intimidated by them.
T01:00 We left the spot due to so many people coming by. It were just 2 hikers but we wanted to basically not having to see other humans. Thats why we packed up and walked to another spot just 1 min away.
T02:00 2 hours in we needed to take a pee because we drank that much water that day. But because we were that high, none of us were able to just go into the woods and take a piss there. Thats why we decided to go to my place and use the bathrooms there. So we walked back the whole 20 minute way where we came from and went to mine. My house was pretty crowded around that time. Thats why we had to plan which bathroom both of us were going to use that no complications occurred, so that we would spend as little as time in sight of my parents and siblings. Fortunately no one really saw what was going on and we got out of the house pretty quick.
T02:05 We decided to fuck the whole ,,no snacks while high" thing and planned on buying some chips in the city. That was another 15min walk.
T02:20 Just before we arrived at the store i checked my pocket for the money i kept around all day. Nothing there. I checked my other pocket. Again no find. I looked through all of my backpack but didnt find anything. I must have lost it somewhere. So i guess Fate wanted us 2 overweights not to buy snacks. Bummed out by that we decided to go to the parking house which was another 5 min walk.
T02:25 We went on the very top of the parking house and spent another Hour there just talking about stuff. None of us really knew what the other one was talking about, but that was fine because we both knew that we both didnt know what the other one was saying.
T03:30 My friend wanted to leave because apparently his high was already coming down while i still felt like i was in airplane mode. I was surprised by that because if i felt like i was catapulted into another galaxy just from one smoking one third, how can he come down again even though he smoked 2 thirds?? Anyways, i left with him because i didnt wanna stay alone on the parking house. I gambled on that my high will come down once i get to my place. So i walked another 20 mins home. Thats a total of 1hr and 20mins walking in one day. Thats kinda stressful for 2 obese guys.
And thats pretty much it. I think i was sti high until 2am (i smoked on 15:30pm) so thats like 11hrs beeing high i guess. I dont know what i smoked but it was nothing good. Im not saying that this trip was complete garbage, no. It was a new experience and i now know what crazy stuff you can acquire on the black market. My friend told me that there were purple crystals inside the weed so if any of you know what i smoked there, let me know:)
[Edit] Thank you for all the comments:) they definitely helped me out. Next time ill be more careful when smoking👍
submitted by Scim_ to tripreports [link] [comments]
2020.06.11 04:29 BarmeIo-Xanthony Pee spy 20
Edit: I think I can post the tickers now.
OPES: Taking Burgerfi public. Still cheap so load up.
FMCI: Plant based food. Unnamed company right now and already up some, still room to run IMO.
GPAQ: Football Hall of Fame. James Dolan set up this group. Knicks are terrible but he knows how to make $.
Positions: A metric fuckton of SPAC warrants
Hello Autists. I can’t put SPAC tickers in this bc automod blocks all sub $7B market caps now. QUIT BANNING THAT SHIT.
I will be sounding out the tickers so I’m not blocked. Fuck you automod.
I was the guy who called a certain plant based food co at $0.90, and tried to post about the Burgerfi merger at $1.00. Sadly automod kept getting me. Everyone is stuck buying calls and stocks but missing the top money maker: SPAC warrants.
SPACs are hot right now and everyone wants to find the next VTIQ/NKLA or DEAC/DKNG. Eff Em See Eye is going to print, along with GeePack and Oh Pee Ee Ess. Personally I have 11,000 warrants in various companies.
Money is pouring into these plays right now. Even with SPY down today most of my warrants were up 20%+. Yeah it’s not options, but they provide the same leverage on speculative companies but with much longer time horizons.
I’ve gone $6k to $21k in 3 weeks riding the SPAC wave, and will continue to do so.
Eff Em See Eye, Oh Pee Ee Ess and Gee Pee Aa Que should all be profitable over the next month. There are other sleepers that will gain traction in the coming weeks. There is a ton of money in warrants, don’t miss out.
submitted by BarmeIo-Xanthony to wallstreetbets [link] [comments]
2020.06.02 01:54 PabloNovelGuy Pee spy 20
Chapter 0: Infiltration:
213 years ago, a rift in space had opened over a large island.
A few years later, it was fully conquered by the strange invaders and their followers.
The invaders never told where they came from, and had no more chance to do so, as 20 years later they abandoned the island thru the rift to never be seen again…
The armies in the island isolated it from foreign influence to avoid technological leaks, as they developed the most terrible weapons their civilization had ever produced.
Gunpowder, dynamite,steam warships...
An industry based on coal and the steam engine.
Alternative current for long range electricity transmission came soon after.
The first airplanes alongside new oil rigs.
As years and years passed some on the main continent at the north thought the island was but a legend, as no one that headed south ever came back.
Undoubtedly the end of the world lies south, they thought.
The leading Immortals from the now named Iems island had sent spies over to the continent, laying the groundwork for a takeover.
Aurelius is 28 years old, he’s graduated and now works for the ‘Intelligence Agency’ of the Immortal Empire also known as IA, or the ‘Agency’.
He’s destined over 1200km north, across the ocean.
Leaves his country house heading towards his 6 meters long all terrain car.
Detaches a thick cable coming from it, as the car was providing power to the house.
Enters the car by the driver seat “Is nearly out of coal already”
The car has an stirling like external combustion engine, its 4 cylinders power a lead acid battery that was connected to the house’s battery thru the cable.
Every time the battery is running out, the engine is fed with some gas (literally),ignites by electric spark, then coal is fed to keep it working.
Is popular on the countryside since it reduces the need to have another electric generator besides the vehicle.
Its 30KW engine is far more than a normal house would need, but tiny for a car.
The thing was burning coal for the last month switching itself on every 5 hours or so.
To refill the coal Aurelius walks over to a nearby hut.
Outside there’s a gas tank, inside a pile of coal of several tonnes.
The gas tank is for cooking, but is not normal gas.
It is connected to a wood gas generator, which is basically a closed cylinder filled with wood that is heated up by burning wood around it.
The gas from the wood can then be used, alongside the coal resulting from heating it up.
The coal would be later be added to the pile, the gas compressed as it flows out.
Aurelius picks one big bucket, fills it with coal from the pile.
There’s some short machine there, looks like a garbage can.
Opens it and throws the coal inside.
Connects a 20 litter can to it thru a tube.
Switches on the machine with a rough button.
It makes some crushing noises, it is turning the coal into dust.
After some time it stops.
He detaches the can.
Walks to the car, opens the fuel intake.
Connects the can, and reverses its position so the previous input is now an optimized output.
The coal dust slowly flows down to the main tank…
A cow comes running at him on a friendly way, it arrives, Aurelius strokes its head.
After some waiting… drives the car towards the nearest military port, well over 50km away.
The team assembles.
A woman, 5 men all of them young.
The ground is made of concrete, ships are docked everywhere most of them of humble size bellow 60 meters long.
There’s a submarine on the dock, is about 50 meters long, one of the new diesel powered subs.
It looks like if someone were to make a giant torpedo, with a submarine sail/conning tower over it.
Is difficult to tell it is a diesel electric sub from afar, but that’s the only kind of submarine they have, coal - electric subs were all canceled.
The team embarks on the sub.
It is on official mission to do some torpedo tests on pirate ships, 1400km from there.
They will be tagging along.
Aurelius nods to the ship’s Captain, hands him an envelope.
The captain reads the content and nods back to him.
Submariners don’t like to talk too much, as noise can draw dangerous predators and annoying whales towards the vessel.
The team rests on their hanging beds, all the while talking to check their accent is correct.
Irina is on the hanging bed bellow.
She checks the personal double compartment boxes.
“Some Gold coins…2 kilograms of plastic explosive… lip stick… other 2 kilograms of antibiotics…neuroprotectant...amphetamines…poison pills”
Karl besides her retorts “Wait, I also have lipstick, what the hell”
“We both know you need it” mocks Aurelius.
Cassia on the bed above him “Don’t you remember?, that is to convince noble women”
“What is the gold for?”
“Lands can be expensive on some areas” Aurelius affirmed.
“I think we have too many explosives”
“Don’t worry you will use them”
“Seriously there’s a tonne of ammonium nitrate on our cargo compartment, are we supposed to carry that too?”
“Is not NH4NO4 alone, and… there’s 15 tonnes, that’s our product”
“We are selling that?”
“Diplomacy, the Cordogians could use some”
“Gosh, I wonder how is the sub able to surface with that much weight” Karl thought aloud.
“Besides when we use those, many will think it was the Cordogians, our cover will remain either way”
“They will make some good hand grenades with it”
“Probably, but not only that, have you ever tried to remove tree stumps by hand?, I tell you I use RDX TNT mix on my farm is so much easier”
“That’s beyond overkill”
“The grenades were old, I gave them an use”
“Why do you have grenades on your farm on the first place?” Irina is slightly surprised
“Robbers and Wolves are scared of them, they already know how to avoid the landmines, is easier to blow away groups of them that way”
“Can’t you just shot them?”
“No… that’s what they expect me to do” Aurelius was serious.
“I’m still wondering how Wolves avoid landmines” Karl thought aloud again
“I have no idea... but they do, I once pasted directional mines on an old cow in order to attract them and take them all out, but they noticed the trap… is a long war” Aurelius goes serious again.
“Just mine the whole perimeter, put a wall or something”
“I already did, the robbers took the mines away, that’s when the hunt started...” goes really serious again.
“Oh I saw that on the news, how many dead?”
“54, But I only got 252 mines back”
“Wait, didn’t the wall worked against the wolves?”
“It did, but goblins were behind the scenes, they made a hole thru it”
“There’s no goblins around the area, I have lived few tens of kms away”
“No there’s not... not anymore… I will show you the heads one day” Goes serious again.
“Wow goblins heads... gross”
“Not the goblins... the robbers; I found putting their heads on spikes outside the property scares the hell out of them, that an insurance salesman they don’t come anymore, but that won’t keep them away for long… they always come back”
“Did the judge allowed you to keep the heads?”
“Wait, didn’t the local judge died and another one took over”
“So it is” Goes serious again
“Don’t tell me...”
“Arteriosclerosis ain’t a joke”
“Wait don’t hikers step on the landmines?”
“I have signs apart from the 54 skulls, even then landmines do scare my cows once in a while”
“It doesn’t make sense”
“Yeah, if the grenades could blow tree stumps, then why aren’t they usable against robbers or wolves?”
“They are, but I bought a brand new 60mm mortar”
“So you had one before?”
“A relic, black powder”
“Is that even legal?”
“Why would it not be?, I’m bound by oath to have weapons ready at all times, allowing me to do my job as semi professional militia member, at least when I’m not on another mission that restricts so”
“Then why do you even ask?”
“Isn’t it overkill?”
“Overkill?, the 60mm mortar is a cute pussy weapon, I’ll show you how real weapons look like one day”
“Then why did you bought it?”
“Because is one cute pussy weapon that can blow up robbers into pieces and is sold for 900 bucks.”
“Quite a contradiction”
“I’m already worried about the locals”
The submarine enters on to a submarine cave.
After arriving on to a large air pocket, there’s a port 100 meters long.
The place is illuminated thru hundreds of light bulbs hanging from the ceiling.
The submarine is tied up to it.
Submariners and other military personnel commence to unload box by box.
The men treat most of them with great care.
The 3 other guys no one barely knows stay with most of the boxes.
Aurelius, Irina and Karl grab on to a big box each, walk thru the light bulb illuminated tunnels.
2 days later…
There’s a villa 800 m away from the small commando, it is lustrous, the green background and pine forest surrounding it is alluring, there’s plenty of mountains, as the terrain isn’t flat at all, they overlook the villa from about 50m elevation at the middle of the nearest hill.
Irina is lying down dressing some kind of green grass like camouflage, Karl and Aurelius do so too.
She uses powerful binoculars to observe the surroundings.
The other 2 have bolt action rifles, made nearly entirely out of steel but camouflaged like the rest of the equipment.
Both have a suppressors 40 cm long, one 5 cm wide the other 6 cm wide, cylindrical shape.
Karl has the standard sniper rifle, uses the new 8x55mm cartridges.
Aurelius has a ‘bigger’ one, uses 13x105mm heavy machine gun ammunition.
Both of them aim at a carriage that approaches the villa, still 1km from it, and well over 1.5 from them, yet the point is to observe thru their sights.
“That’s the carriage”
“1200...1000, is in range” Irina informs every some time.
“Something doesn’t look right, is being pulled by 4 horses and yet, moves so slow”
“Maybe It carries extra weight” Irina noted while staring at the wooden wheels.
“Sir, do we wait?”
“If we fire now we will reveal at least one of our weapons is reasonably effective starting at this range, we wait”
Both open fire, the 13mm bullet arrives blowing a hole on to one of the horses’s heads, passes thru the side of the one behind.
The 8mm hits the driver on the side of the thorax.
Another 2 13mm shots incapacitate the other 2 horses.
Karl continues to fire at the carriage till the 10 cartridge magazine is empty.
2 armored soldiers appear from their side of the forest and head towards the carriage, short swords in hand.
Karl reloads and keeps aim at the carriage while the soldiers open the door, Aurelius and Irina check the surroundings, there’s someone watching them.
One of the soldiers turns around staring on their general direction.
Waves his hands from up to down.
“Is a trap” Karl noted
A 70 kg dog approaches silently from behind them.
Irina kneels, holds her 8mm SMG that would remember one of a suppressed ‘Sten’, its magazine at the left side; fires 20 bullets over the dog, 15 actually hitting it, it falls and whines at pain.
Over 50 meters away there’s at least 5 bears, and many more heavy dogs.
“DM500!” Aurelius yells.
Irina hits the floor, whist firing the other 10 rounds at another dog, Karl fires his rifle aiming at the closest charging bear’s head.
Aurelius had removed the detonator from within his vest.
Holds it with his right hand.
The 3 of them hit the floor, cover their ears, Aurelius does so on his right ear using his arm.
There’s 10 directional mines that would remember one of a Claymore mine, but somehow different.
The signal travels up to a radio receiver that’s tied to a tree, it sends a 5 volt current over to each mine, igniting the PETN passing the shock over to the TNT binder and RDX main explosive.
The moving expansive wave at over 8km per second hits some 3mm wide steel cones at the front of the curved mines, they break the mine case heading towards the beasts, each mine sends a rain of death on 50 degree angle; all the while the trees they were tied on to are split by the shock traveling from behind the mines.
Everything 40 meters away explodes simultaneously on a high speed destruction that engulfes the surrounding forest.
Other Trees protect the trio from the wood shrapnel emerging from behind the mined trees, as it was arranged that way.
Trees fall, and everything ahead is covered on dust.
The 3 of them run down the hill, heading towards the villa.
Wailing could had been heard behind them , if their hearing weren’t replaced by tinnitus.
40 seconds later surviving beasts pass over the ravaged corpses of their fellows heading towards the trio at full sprint.
Aurelius draws a DM500 from his vest.
Puts it on the floor aiming towards the incoming beasts, it was already connected by cable to another detonator.
Runs after the other 2 while leaving some cable behind, the beasts are catching up to them, about to reach the mine.
Aurelius retires the small steel piece that prevents the detonator from activating accidentally, the back of the mine is made of plastic it won’t be very dangerous, but the ground has some stones.
The 3 of them take cover behind trees.
The cones kill the incoming beasts that were not covered behind trees, 11 of them are hit.
The trio retreats as the beasts seem disoriented by the explosion, they are now unable to hear them, and barely able to see them.
The 2 legionaries near the carriage are flabbergasted, and run towards the heavily defended villa, perhaps thinking they would be allowed in thanks to their uniform.
From inside guards had closed its doors, archers prepare to fire at them.
One of the bolts from a crossbow hits the legionary’s armor, bouncing back on it like it should, since that’s the main reason armor exist at all.
Aurelius keeps placing mines, is outrun by the 2 of them, who turn around and shot to cover him.
Irina’s SMG has fired well over 90 rounds on the whole encounter, she changes to a new magazine and keeps on firing.
Karl kills a bear every 1.2 shots on average, and every shot there’s at least an injured bear.
“We are within range!” Notices Karl.
A 60mm mortar shell falls on to the beasts at the rear.
The explosion is a bit weaker than that of a BM500 but still significant.
The other team is at 3km from them, firing from the next mountain.
The mortar looks like a 1 meter long tube that has another wider tube of about 50 cm long, 35 cm wide over it, that’s a suppressor.
The whole thing weights 50 kg.
One team member acts as forward observer like Irina, the other 2 are hidden behind a bunch of rocks alongside the mortar.
Without the suppressor everyone could hear the sound of the mortar, with it, it could be harder to find albeit still loud.
They have 48 shells left, since there’s a road nearby they could carry a lot of them.
Aurelius and his team ignore the beasts, run towards the villa at full speed.
At less than 80 meters, they kneel and fire at the guards.
The 13mm bullets go thru the wall killing a sentinel on every shot, the other two aim at their heads.
Aurelius places another mine in front of the wooden double door.
Takes cover under a corner along the other 2.
The explosion takes out the door and the guards behind.
Gets a hold of his suppressed handgun, Karl does so too, the trio enters on the 50 meter by 100 meter long villa.
Shells hammer the encircling beasts at a rate of one every 5 seconds, killing every beast within a 10 meter radius, injuring many more.
“Beasts incoming, 2km 30kmh!” Informs the forward observer.
“How did they found us?, who controls them?!”
Aurelius runs up the wall’s stairs, fires at the incoming bears, single shot kills.
Karl changes to his SMG firing upon the incoming dogs, at 8 shots per dog, that doesn’t stop them on the spot, but slows them down, still, they won’t live long.
Irina fires at the guards who quickly hide behind a corner.
The high speed explosion of the concussive grenade blows dust around the corner.
The 2 legionaries enter the villa, grab an spear each from fallen guards and defend the entrance.
A dog enters the villa is received by one of the spears.
Irina unloads half a magazine on it.
230 rounds fired from her gun, it is overheating.
Karl hands over his SMG, continues firing with his rifle.
Thru the road there’s a group of Monkeymen, creatures made by mixing humans with giant monkeys and goblins presumably to create better slaves.
They are a terrible foe due to their strength even though they are small at about 1.6 meters tall.
A shell falls over them, kills 6, but the ones around are stunned for seconds.
The rest start to surround the villa from hundreds of meters away, their hairy body acts against them as they can’t run without overheating for very long.
That’s the advantage humans have, if the commando were to run they could reach quite far, but they can’t do so very fast, they will have to maintain their position.
Aurelius and Karl target the Monkeymen, who are the greatest treat, being the only ones able to quickly climb over a wall like the one around the villa.
The legionaries run off to search for carts to build a barricade on the destroyed door.
From the windows on the villa’s buildings some people peek out.
An archer releases his bow aiming at Aurelius who seemed to be the greatest treat, for some unknown reason.
Aurelius notices the danger as the arrow comes from behind him, at about 40 meters distance; Dodges left.
Turns around and fires at the archer’s head and chest with his handgun.
There’s too many beasts but many had run away from the shelled areas, causing them to run further and further from the villa’s entrance... but...
“No more shells”
Aurelius stares at the last 2 magazines on his vest
There’s few tens of Monkeymen jumping over the wall behind them.
The 5 of them run over to the main villa’s building, Karl covers the front alongside the legionaries who got themselves some tower shields, Irina the rear, Aurelius thinks of what to do whist aiming his handgun at the closed wooden doors they pass by
Run up the polished stone stairs
There’s several rooms there, the slaves seem to have hid on the rooms of the second floor, there’s a large one, the legionaries open it carefully
Karl aims at the opening double door
There’s 5 slaves inside, one can tell due to their slave collars and their low quality clothing.
The room has a window and a balcony.
The slaves set themselves against the right wall, staying away from the forest ‘mages’ .
Since the ‘mages’ are aiming at the corridor without any thought of even closing the door,
the legionaries threaten the slaves with their swords in order to get the bed against the balcony.
Karl and Irina move some furniture and kneel behind it, aiming over it.
The floor is trembling, at the vibration of steps.
Aurelius throws an sperical 500 grams hand greande over the window at an incoming mass of Monkeymen.
One of them grabs it, and stares at it not knowing what to do, but is too late.
The explosion shakes the building very slightly, one of the slaves pees herself.
The legionaries and slaves manage to put the heavy bed against the balcony as muffled yet still noisy shots, and wails, sound behind them.
Aurelius leaves his rather big bag on the floor, alongside the rifle.
Opens it, there’s another bag, it has 6 hand grenades like the previous one.
Bellow another one with 4 DM500 and detonator, because you never have enough landmines.
On the door the SMGs are heating up.
They allow a line to go in before firing, the bullets kill the one in front and the one behind.
Karl and Irina take turns to fire and reload.
Luckily both brought 400 rounds of the 8x30mm to this mission, you cannot have enough of them
Irina’s SMG has heated up too much, Karl leaves it at a side, draws the rifle from his back.
Another explosion sounds outside, shaking the building again.
Then the muffled heavy shots continue behind them.
Irina reloads while Karl fires at a shot every second.
The corpses of the fallen make harder for the new ones to move fast.
He reloads to a 20 cartridge magazine.
submitted by PabloNovelGuy to fantasywriters [link] [comments]
2020.05.29 07:44 FreddyTurbina137 Pee spy 20
To anyone who says "RiOtS dO nOt mAtTEr I cAnT eVeN SpElL mEePEePeELis" Answer me one question, where's the riots again? Minneapolis? Or you meant Denver, CO? Or was it Louisville, KY? My bad, clearly you guys meant Phoenix, AZ
Well it is not like anyone is reporting this is something other states should worry about. \s
George Floyd protests spread nationwidehttps://www.cnn.com/us/live-news/george-floyd-protest-updates-05-28-20/index.html
2020.05.05 04:13 unikend Pee spy 20
| This is a continuation of this post for the week of 5/4.|
What is this?
This is a visual representation of unusually large bets of SPY Options traded daily.
DATA SOURCE: Here.
How to read the graph:
Size of the circle = Size of bet (bigger = more $)
Red = Puts, Green = Calls
X-axis = Strike Price, Y-axis = Strike Date
Main Findings (5/4):
Most people are bullish short term, big pee pee bois are still bearish. Bears have been cucked by the feds.
Update (5/5 2330 ET): https://preview.redd.it/424911zvd2x41.png?width=1920&format=png&auto=webp&s=cb983ee7e965bd573266d56870c2f8eb545a9697
Main Findings (5/5):
A sudden 180 degree turn into bearish sentiments, i'm starting to feel that all that matters is the price point at the last 15 minutes of trade.
Update (5/7 0100 ET): https://preview.redd.it/bhpcn92sy9x41.png?width=1920&format=png&auto=webp&s=ee48fe25f3d76d7c99211bad3b69a65e5f54eda9
Main Findings (5/6):
Bottom may be near, or the experts are wrong. Either way, scraping on the way down seems like a fairly good strategy now.
Update (5/8 0100 ET): https://preview.redd.it/fan7qri94hx41.png?width=1920&format=png&auto=webp&s=6459252c05d84ecbefd5ea69b16cc4e1ef75acd4
Main Findings (5/7):
Straddles are betting that unemployment numbers will tear a hole in the market. And if it doesn't, it might as well go up.
Update (5/10 0100 ET): https://preview.redd.it/c39twdaibvx41.png?width=1920&format=png&auto=webp&s=36b60f4a9a2aee4fcc743f94ee5694b0d7d6d79c
Main Findings (5/8):
Seems bearish, week closed with SPY up 3% from Fed pump. Every night SPY goes up 1-1.5% and over the day it falls by 1-1.2%, so basically whoever bought calls made money from Feds. Literally free money.
TL;DR Price & Ticker:
(5/4) SPY 150p 11/11
(5/5) VXX 43p 6/19
(5/6) SPY 285p 5/8
(5/7) SPY 305 Straddles 9/18
(5/8) SPY 420c 12/17/2021
submitted by unikend to wallstreetbets [link] [comments]