Hidden sex new

MemeEconomy. 661 likes. MemeEconomy is a place where individuals can buy, sell, share, make, and invest in memes freely. /r/MemeEconomy is a place where individuals can buy, sell, share, make, and invest in memes freely. You'll also get updates on the meme market, and be able to collaborate with other fellow meme traders analysing the new memes on the block. Note this is not a dumping ground for your low effort memes, please refrain from posting them here. 1.3m The Meme Economy | Buy, sell, share, make, and invest in free memes! Memes have steadily found their way from 4chan boards and reddit subs into the mainstream culture. Nobody expected a picture with text on it to be the preferred means of breaking the ice or communicating with someone else on the other side of the world. The traders of the subreddit r/MemeEconomy speculate on which memes will become popular, and which are headed toward obscurity. They are, as the subreddit name would suggest, on their way to... /r/MemeEconomy is a place where individuals can buy, sell, share, make, and invest in templates freely. Collaborate with other fellow meme traders to analyze the new formats on the block, and use the pinned bot (MIB) to actually invest in posts. Meme Economy is a satirical concept and internet subculture in which memes are discussed in the jargons of the financial industry, as if they are commodities or capital assets with fluctuating values. Check out the funniest memes, Meme Economy, Dankest Memes, Prequel Memes, History Memes, Comedy, Raimi Memes, Ani Memes Collection of Memes only on MemeEconomy.Online The Meme Economy limits the amount of M¢ in the economy, and has the price of posts, users, and firms change based on the demand for the stock, exactly like in real life! You can find the price of the post by looking at the flair, or in the sticky comment. You can find the price of a user by doing !price u:USERNAME. About Community /r/MemeEconomy is a place where individuals can buy, sell, share, make, and invest in templates freely. Collaborate with other fellow meme traders to analyze the new formats on the block, and use the pinned bot (MIB) to actually invest in posts. To get started, see the pinned mod post.

2016.09.28 02:45 killlameme7 Hidden new sex

/MemeEconomy is a place where individuals can buy, sell, share, make, and invest in templates freely. Collaborate with other fellow meme traders to analyze the new formats on the block, and use the pinned bot (MIB) to actually invest in posts. To get started, see the pinned mod post. NOTE: this is not a dumping ground for normal memes, please post new templates, or ask for opinions on old templates in template form only.

2012.07.25 21:13 TehPaddy Hidden sex new

For anything about the YouTube gaming channel Game Grumps.

2020.10.20 07:38 sexualfishpaste Hidden sex new

they need to have a new wild war not a new clear one but for reals an on going battle for all the battles... one repeatedly over and over time and time again BUT actually directly on top of the very same poppy plants the deep state has been growing in widely massive areas of acerage all up in and about not only the various top secret parts within New Zealand and Tasmania but true too also do another non winnable war right at the very same spots located by map & drone to where the US secretly farms the very same opiate plants that are primary conduits conducive to produce the bogus pain management and corrupt Dr. persciptions beyond the pill mill screen for not only future drug addicted vets but the very same medication necessary for all the drug riddled and sick immigrants that have been trading for guns ammunition body parts kidneys and livers ect... and high calibrations of destructive weapons that are already crossing into our Swiss cheese boarder states beyond any supposedly builded Mexican southern wall only to come back again in relapse mode living in America to push on to and turn even more sick tricks programming and deceiving even your own young relatives & neighbors on to even more hardcore illegal aged sex club workers & illicit super meth drug manufacturers and even illegal natural & synthetic drugs too more... how come we never actually will get to real life country battle all up in and on top of that game playing field? no worries China has the synthetic carfentynal hidden in ink jet printers sent directly to IMG Academy's herr eddy classic invitation tournaments furthering even more garbage bogus professional sports reporters commentary and broadcasters to ease up those future training Olympians I'm sure of it... riiiiiiiight play a simple tug of war game with me on my root g'wan fighting in your very own piss and constepated shit ... its pretty basic and simple... going to war is a bad habit get the fuck out of my face AND off my internet innerwebs for crissakes and don't you ever come back... that goes for you too! You know who you are... fuck you for fighting or even wanting to think about fighting in a country that has gone to hell even call it a patriotic military war that is pathetic and weak somebody already won the fight and now I am pointing up at Jesus because nobody and I'm mean nobody is pointing at you. Try saluting to Joe Buck and Troy Aikman every Sunday during empty stadium flyovers hard working? not only sports clearly 1bogus entertainment 2jocks are souless as well as 3being owned simultaneously 4cooked+fixed as well as 5run by drug riddled reservation Indians in Vegas it's not a job let alone be a commentator? GET REAL jobs BOTH of U shouldB ashamed #DennysSurfers
Who is an eternally disservice now US (📷 "U.S.A. U.S.A.!"
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2020.10.20 04:43 nadriancox Hidden sex new

The TL;DR: This campaign format will feature a high-combat, minimal RP, and deadly dungeon crawl format for players who always wanted to get to play high level characters in an exciting format without all the extensive RP that goes into a "traditional" campaign.
Three reasons why you will love this campaign format:

[Anti-clickbait spoiler] High level campaigns are harder to come by than a disadvantage roll Nat 20.
You're likely reading this post because you're excited by challenging dungeons and finally getting to play a high level campaign. We've all been there... you finally finished a module with your friends after a year or so of play. You grew attached to your character and want to keep going, but the group inevitably falls apart, or people move away, or the DM is just tired of forever DMing, or.... you know what I'm talking about. There is a reason why WotC doesn't make many level 12+ adventures.
If you've got that perfect meme build you've always wanted to try, but knew you couldn't actually get to play because of the unspoken level cap of IRL campaigns, you've finally found your playground.
If you're a fan of tactical combat and get sick of extended roleplay sessions where you end up just looking at Reddit posts, this campaign is for you. Since I will have each character level up after every session, the challenges you face will be deadly and challenging. Bring your most optimized multiclass build. Try out that broken combo. Let's push the envelope.
Traditional campaigns are nice, because you can create an extensive personal story for your characters, etc. But when it comes to paid games, it's also nice to know that there are only a certain number of games. There will be 11 sessions, each tailor-made for the given PCs' levels by yours truly. While the $20 per session may seem high in comparison, you know you will get to have a heart-pounding experience over the span of about three months. In contrast, a "traditional" campaign is designed to last more than 22 weeks, i.e. it will end up being more expensive than this format. The price will cover me designing maps and homebrew monsters, plus justify running a "short" format campaign.
  • More than 5 years of DM experience, including homebrew settings and adventure modules.
  • IRL attorney familiar with dispute resolution and efficient rule interpretation (with a heavy lean towards I'll allow it rule of cool rewards for daring actions, outstanding roleplay, and clever problem solving).
  • Currently running five traditional campaigns with more than two dozen players. I'd be more than happy to have you sit-in to a session prior to playing yourself (keep in mind these are more RP-heavy campaigns than this challenge campaign would be).
  • 6-8 Player virtual tabletop.
  • $20 USD per session via PayPal invoice, due every Monday prior to play.
  • 3-4 hours of gameplay per session.
  • Time zone is TBD depending on group composition.
  • Player’s Choice for character creation: Standard Array (15, 14, 13, 12, 10, 8). [DM Note: I personally prefer rolling for stats, but since this is a different type of beast, we would go with a perfectly predictable point array]. Please create two characters for this campaign and keep them leveled up as we go.
  • Dead characters will be replaced as follows: If during the session, your back-up character will "spawn" into the session at a handicap to bring the challenge home. If towards the end of a session, or both your main and back-up die, the new character will "appear" as the sole survivor of another group trying to survive the extraplanar gauntlet.
  • Private Discord server with voice and video (by DM) - player only needs a working microphone and headset.
  • Foundry Virtual Tabletop, including animated maps, individualized hot bars for each player, animated tokens, and more.
  • Individualized creation chats with each player (available beginning now and through the first session of the campaign) where we will handcraft your PC's most optimal build. NO CHARGE
  • Initial Zero Session with all players the week before the first session officially beings to go over expectations, introductions, and preferences. NO CHARGE
  • Character creation will be possible through D&D Beyond and dedicated Foundry VTT Server.
  • Extremely RP-lite. Expect Rick & Morty type meta fourth-wall commentary from NPCs.
  • The hook: Your soul was not claimed by gods you may believe in and got bought up by a mad wizard who now runs you and your cohort through an extradimensional prison of inter-connected dungeons. (Think Sakaar from the Marvel movies, except you're just entertaining the Grand Master). Beat dungeons and make your way out of the planar prison to become demigods.
  • Challenge Dungeons Deluxe. Each session will be a different dungeon crawl challenge with a heavy emphasis on finding creative solutions to outwit and destroy hordes of opponents. The capstone will be an epic 20th level fight of cosmic proportions.
  • Loot. Each dungeon has hidden treasures. Beating a dungeon automatically grants coin. Any official item can be purchased in between sessions.
  • I will send a more detailed, fillable PDF version of this Code of Conduct to each prospective player. Signing the CoC will ensure that all players can expect the same respect from one another.
  • Be respectful of other players and myself at all times, even between sessions.
  • All people are welcome, regardless of sex, gender, sexual orientation, minority status, language skill, etc.
  • This game is for players of 18 years of age or older.
  • Payment of the $20 USD guarantees a seat for the scheduled game that week. Payment is due the Monday before a session is scheduled. No refunds, unless specifically agreed upon by the DM.
  • No streaming of the game, unless with express written permission by me. Violation will cause a ban and possible legal action.
  • I, as the DM, reserve the right to screen, add, remove, or otherwise "manage" players in the game for whatever reason, but will automatically remove any player who upon warning continues to violate the terms of the CoC.
For more information and specific questions, please DM me here or on Discord (Nadrian#9820) and reference "Reddit Path to 20" in your message.
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2020.10.20 02:07 ILikeMultipleThings Hidden sex new

Manifesto of the Communist Party A spectre is haunting Europe – the spectre of communism. All the powers of old Europe have entered into a holy alliance to exorcise this spectre: Pope and Tsar, Metternich and Guizot, French Radicals and German police-spies. Where is the party in opposition that has not been decried as communistic by its opponents in power? Where is the opposition that has not hurled back the branding reproach of communism, against the more advanced opposition parties, as well as against its reactionary adversaries? Two things result from this fact: I. Communism is already acknowledged by all European powers to be itself a power. II. It is high time that Communists should openly, in the face of the whole world, publish their views, their aims, their tendencies, and meet this nursery tale of the Spectre of Communism with a manifesto of the party itself. To this end, Communists of various nationalities have assembled in London and sketched the following manifesto, to be published in the English, French, German, Italian, Flemish and Danish languages. I. Bourgeois and Proletarians* The history of all hitherto existing society† is the history of class struggles. Freeman and slave, patrician and plebeian, lord and serf, guild-master‡ and journeyman, in a word, oppressor and oppressed, stood in constant opposition to one another, carried on an uninterrupted, now hidden, now open fight, a fight that each time ended, either in a revolutionary reconstitution of society at large, or in the common ruin of the contending classes. In the earlier epochs of history, we find almost everywhere a complicated arrangement of society into various orders, a manifold gradation of social rank. In ancient Rome we have patricians, knights, plebeians, slaves; in the Middle Ages, feudal lords, vassals, guild-masters, journeymen, apprentices, serfs; in almost all of these classes, again, subordinate gradations. The modern bourgeois society that has sprouted from the ruins of feudal society has not done away with class antagonisms. It has but established new classes, new conditions of oppression, new forms of struggle in place of the old ones. * By bourgeoisie is meant the class of modern capitalists, owners of the means of social production and employers of wage labour. By proletariat, the class of modern wage labourers who, having no means of production of their own, are reduced to selling their labour power in order to live. [Engels, 1888 English edition] † That is, all written history. In 1847, the pre-history of society, the social organisation existing previous to recorded history, all but unknown. Since then, August von Haxthausen (1792-1866) discovered common ownership of land in Russia, Georg Ludwig von Maurer proved it to be the social foundation from which all Teutonic races started in history, and, by and by, village communities were found to be, or to have been, the primitive form of society everywhere from India to Ireland. The inner organisation of this primitive communistic society was laid bare, in its typical form, by Lewis Henry Morgan's (1818-1861) crowning discovery of the true nature of the gens and its relation to the tribe. With the dissolution of the primeval communities, society begins to be differentiated into separate and finally antagonistic classes. I have attempted to retrace this dissolution in The Origin of the Family, Private Property, and the State, second edition, Stuttgart, 1886. [Engels, 1888 English Edition and 1890 German Edition (with the last sentence omitted)] ‡ Guild-master, that is, a full member of a guild, a master within, not a head of a guild. [Engels, 1888 English Edition]
15 Manifesto of the Communist Party Our epoch, the epoch of the bourgeoisie, possesses, however, this distinct feature: it has simplified class antagonisms. Society as a whole is more and more splitting up into two great hostile camps, into two great classes directly facing each other – Bourgeoisie and Proletariat. From the serfs of the Middle Ages sprang the chartered burghers of the earliest towns. From these burgesses the first elements of the bourgeoisie were developed. The discovery of America, the rounding of the Cape, opened up fresh ground for the rising bourgeoisie. The East-Indian and Chinese markets, the colonisation of America, trade with the colonies, the increase in the means of exchange and in commodities generally, gave to commerce, to navigation, to industry, an impulse never before known, and thereby, to the revolutionary element in the tottering feudal society, a rapid development. The feudal system of industry, in which industrial production was monopolised by closed guilds, now no longer sufficed for the growing wants of the new markets. The manufacturing system took its place. The guild-masters were pushed on one side by the manufacturing middle class; division of labour between the different corporate guilds vanished in the face of division of labour in each single workshop. Meantime the markets kept ever growing, the demand ever rising. Even manufacturer no longer sufficed. Thereupon, steam and machinery revolutionised industrial production. The place of manufacture was taken by the giant, Modern Industry; the place of the industrial middle class by industrial millionaires, the leaders of the whole industrial armies, the modern bourgeois. Modern industry has established the world market, for which the discovery of America paved the way. This market has given an immense development to commerce, to navigation, to communication by land. This development has, in its turn, reacted on the extension of industry; and in proportion as industry, commerce, navigation, railways extended, in the same proportion the bourgeoisie developed, increased its capital, and pushed into the background every class handed down from the Middle Ages. We see, therefore, how the modern bourgeoisie is itself the product of a long course of development, of a series of revolutions in the modes of production and of exchange. Each step in the development of the bourgeoisie was accompanied by a corresponding political advance of that class. An oppressed class under the sway of the feudal nobility, an armed and self-governing association in the medieval commune*: here independent urban republic (as in Italy and Germany); there taxable “third estate” of the monarchy (as in France); afterwards, in the period of manufacturing proper, serving either the semi-feudal or the absolute monarchy as a counterpoise against the nobility, and, in fact, cornerstone of the great monarchies in general, the bourgeoisie has at last, since the establishment of Modern Industry and of the world market, conquered for itself, in the modern representative State, exclusive political sway. The executive of the modern state is but a committee for managing the common affairs of the whole bourgeoisie. The bourgeoisie, historically, has played a most revolutionary part. The bourgeoisie, wherever it has got the upper hand, has put an end to all feudal, patriarchal, idyllic relations. It has pitilessly torn asunder the motley feudal ties that bound man to his “natural superiors”, and has left remaining no other nexus between man and man than naked self- interest, than callous “cash payment”. It has drowned the most heavenly ecstasies of religious * This was the name given their urban communities by the townsmen of Italy and France, after they had purchased or conquered their initial rights of self-government from their feudal lords. [Engels, 1890 German edition] “Commune” was the name taken in France by the nascent towns even before they had conquered from their feudal lords and masters local self-government and political rights as the “Third Estate.” Generally speaking, for the economical development of the bourgeoisie, England is here taken as the typical country, for its political development, France. [Engels, 1888 English Edition]
16 Manifesto of the Communist Party fervour, of chivalrous enthusiasm, of philistine sentimentalism, in the icy water of egotistical calculation. It has resolved personal worth into exchange value, and in place of the numberless indefeasible chartered freedoms, has set up that single, unconscionable freedom – Free Trade. In one word, for exploitation, veiled by religious and political illusions, it has substituted naked, shameless, direct, brutal exploitation. The bourgeoisie has stripped of its halo every occupation hitherto honoured and looked up to with reverent awe. It has converted the physician, the lawyer, the priest, the poet, the man of science, into its paid wage labourers. The bourgeoisie has torn away from the family its sentimental veil, and has reduced the family relation to a mere money relation. The bourgeoisie has disclosed how it came to pass that the brutal display of vigour in the Middle Ages, which reactionaries so much admire, found its fitting complement in the most slothful indolence. It has been the first to show what man’s activity can bring about. It has accomplished wonders far surpassing Egyptian pyramids, Roman aqueducts, and Gothic cathedrals; it has conducted expeditions that put in the shade all former Exoduses of nations and crusades. The bourgeoisie cannot exist without constantly revolutionising the instruments of production, and thereby the relations of production, and with them the whole relations of society. Conservation of the old modes of production in unaltered form, was, on the contrary, the first condition of existence for all earlier industrial classes. Constant revolutionising of production, uninterrupted disturbance of all social conditions, everlasting uncertainty and agitation distinguish the bourgeois epoch from all earlier ones. All fixed, fast-frozen relations, with their train of ancient and venerable prejudices and opinions, are swept away, all new-formed ones become antiquated before they can ossify. All that is solid melts into air, all that is holy is profaned, and man is at last compelled to face with sober senses his real conditions of life, and his relations with his kind. The need of a constantly expanding market for its products chases the bourgeoisie over the entire surface of the globe. It must nestle everywhere, settle everywhere, establish connexions everywhere. The bourgeoisie has through its exploitation of the world market given a cosmopolitan character to production and consumption in every country. To the great chagrin of Reactionists, it has drawn from under the feet of industry the national ground on which it stood. All old-established national industries have been destroyed or are daily being destroyed. They are dislodged by new industries, whose introduction becomes a life and death question for all civilised nations, by industries that no longer work up indigenous raw material, but raw material drawn from the remotest zones; industries whose products are consumed, not only at home, but in every quarter of the globe. In place of the old wants, satisfied by the production of the country, we find new wants, requiring for their satisfaction the products of distant lands and climes. In place of the old local and national seclusion and self-sufficiency, we have intercourse in every direction, universal inter-dependence of nations. And as in material, so also in intellectual production. The intellectual creations of individual nations become common property. National one-sidedness and narrow- mindedness become more and more impossible, and from the numerous national and local literatures, there arises a world literature. The bourgeoisie, by the rapid improvement of all instruments of production, by the immensely facilitated means of communication, draws all, even the most barbarian, nations into civilisation. The cheap prices of commodities are the heavy artillery with which it batters down all Chinese walls, with which it forces the barbarians’ intensely obstinate hatred of foreigners to capitulate. It compels all nations, on pain of extinction, to adopt the bourgeois mode of production; it compels them to introduce what it calls civilisation into their midst, i.e., to become bourgeois themselves. In one word, it creates a world after its own image.
17 Manifesto of the Communist Party The bourgeoisie has subjected the country to the rule of the towns. It has created enormous cities, has greatly increased the urban population as compared with the rural, and has thus rescued a considerable part of the population from the idiocy of rural life. Just as it has made the country dependent on the towns, so it has made barbarian and semi-barbarian countries dependent on the civilised ones, nations of peasants on nations of bourgeois, the East on the West. The bourgeoisie keeps more and more doing away with the scattered state of the population, of the means of production, and of property. It has agglomerated population, centralised the means of production, and has concentrated property in a few hands. The necessary consequence of this was political centralisation. Independent, or but loosely connected provinces, with separate interests, laws, governments, and systems of taxation, became lumped together into one nation, with one government, one code of laws, one national class-interest, one frontier, and one customs-tariff. The bourgeoisie, during its rule of scarce one hundred years, has created more massive and more colossal productive forces than have all preceding generations together. Subjection of Nature’s forces to man, machinery, application of chemistry to industry and agriculture, steam-navigation, railways, electric telegraphs, clearing of whole continents for cultivation, canalisation of rivers, whole populations conjured out of the ground – what earlier century had even a presentiment that such productive forces slumbered in the lap of social labour? We see then: the means of production and of exchange, on whose foundation the bourgeoisie built itself up, were generated in feudal society. At a certain stage in the development of these means of production and of exchange, the conditions under which feudal society produced and exchanged, the feudal organisation of agriculture and manufacturing industry, in one word, the feudal relations of property became no longer compatible with the already developed productive forces; they became so many fetters. They had to be burst asunder; they were burst asunder. Into their place stepped free competition, accompanied by a social and political constitution adapted in it, and the economic and political sway of the bourgeois class. A similar movement is going on before our own eyes. Modern bourgeois society, with its relations of production, of exchange and of property, a society that has conjured up such gigantic means of production and of exchange, is like the sorcerer who is no longer able to control the powers of the nether world whom he has called up by his spells. For many a decade past the history of industry and commerce is but the history of the revolt of modern productive forces against modern conditions of production, against the property relations that are the conditions for the existence of the bourgeois and of its rule. It is enough to mention the commercial crises that by their periodical return put the existence of the entire bourgeois society on its trial, each time more threateningly. In these crises, a great part not only of the existing products, but also of the previously created productive forces, are periodically destroyed. In these crises, there breaks out an epidemic that, in all earlier epochs, would have seemed an absurdity – the epidemic of over- production. Society suddenly finds itself put back into a state of momentary barbarism; it appears as if a famine, a universal war of devastation, had cut off the supply of every means of subsistence; industry and commerce seem to be destroyed; and why? Because there is too much civilisation, too much means of subsistence, too much industry, too much commerce. The productive forces at the disposal of society no longer tend to further the development of the conditions of bourgeois property; on the contrary, they have become too powerful for these conditions, by which they are fettered, and so soon as they overcome these fetters, they bring disorder into the whole of bourgeois society, endanger the existence of bourgeois property. The conditions of bourgeois society are too narrow to comprise the wealth created by them. And how does the bourgeoisie get over these crises? On the one hand by enforced destruction of a mass of productive forces; on the other, by the conquest of new markets, and by the more thorough exploitation of the old ones. That is to say, by paving the way for more extensive and more destructive crises, and by diminishing the means whereby crises are prevented.
18 Manifesto of the Communist Party The weapons with which the bourgeoisie felled feudalism to the ground are now turned against the bourgeoisie itself. But not only has the bourgeoisie forged the weapons that bring death to itself; it has also called into existence the men who are to wield those weapons – the modern working class – the proletarians. In proportion as the bourgeoisie, i.e., capital, is developed, in the same proportion is the proletariat, the modern working class, developed – a class of labourers, who live only so long as they find work, and who find work only so long as their labour increases capital. These labourers, who must sell themselves piecemeal, are a commodity, like every other article of commerce, and are consequently exposed to all the vicissitudes of competition, to all the fluctuations of the market. Owing to the extensive use of machinery, and to the division of labour, the work of the proletarians has lost all individual character, and, consequently, all charm for the workman. He becomes an appendage of the machine, and it is only the most simple, most monotonous, and most easily acquired knack, that is required of him. Hence, the cost of production of a workman is restricted, almost entirely, to the means of subsistence that he requires for maintenance, and for the propagation of his race. But the price of a commodity, and therefore also of labour, is equal to its cost of production. In proportion, therefore, as the repulsiveness of the work increases, the wage decreases. Nay more, in proportion as the use of machinery and division of labour increases, in the same proportion the burden of toil also increases, whether by prolongation of the working hours, by the increase of the work exacted in a given time or by increased speed of machinery, etc. Modern Industry has converted the little workshop of the patriarchal master into the great factory of the industrial capitalist. Masses of labourers, crowded into the factory, are organised like soldiers. As privates of the industrial army they are placed under the command of a perfect hierarchy of officers and sergeants. Not only are they slaves of the bourgeois class, and of the bourgeois State; they are daily and hourly enslaved by the machine, by the overlooker, and, above all, by the individual bourgeois manufacturer himself. The more openly this despotism proclaims gain to be its end and aim, the more petty, the more hateful and the more embittering it is. The less the skill and exertion of strength implied in manual labour, in other words, the more modern industry becomes developed, the more is the labour of men superseded by that of women. Differences of age and sex have no longer any distinctive social validity for the working class. All are instruments of labour, more or less expensive to use, according to their age and sex. No sooner is the exploitation of the labourer by the manufacturer, so far, at an end, that he receives his wages in cash, than he is set upon by the other portions of the bourgeoisie, the landlord, the shopkeeper, the pawnbroker, etc. The lower strata of the middle class – the small tradespeople, shopkeepers, and retired tradesmen generally, the handicraftsmen and peasants – all these sink gradually into the proletariat, partly because their diminutive capital does not suffice for the scale on which Modern Industry is carried on, and is swamped in the competition with the large capitalists, partly because their specialised skill is rendered worthless by new methods of production. Thus the proletariat is recruited from all classes of the population. The proletariat goes through various stages of development. With its birth begins its struggle with the bourgeoisie. At first the contest is carried on by individual labourers, then by the workpeople of a factory, then by the operative of one trade, in one locality, against the individual bourgeois who directly exploits them. They direct their attacks not against the bourgeois conditions of production, but against the instruments of production themselves; they destroy imported wares that compete with their labour, they smash to pieces machinery, they set factories ablaze, they seek to restore by force the vanished status of the workman of the Middle Ages.
19 Manifesto of the Communist Party At this stage, the labourers still form an incoherent mass scattered over the whole country, and broken up by their mutual competition. If anywhere they unite to form more compact bodies, this is not yet the consequence of their own active union, but of the union of the bourgeoisie, which class, in order to attain its own political ends, is compelled to set the whole proletariat in motion, and is moreover yet, for a time, able to do so. At this stage, therefore, the proletarians do not fight their enemies, but the enemies of their enemies, the remnants of absolute monarchy, the landowners, the non-industrial bourgeois, the petty bourgeois. Thus, the whole historical movement is concentrated in the hands of the bourgeoisie; every victory so obtained is a victory for the bourgeoisie. But with the development of industry, the proletariat not only increases in number; it becomes concentrated in greater masses, its strength grows, and it feels that strength more. The various interests and conditions of life within the ranks of the proletariat are more and more equalised, in proportion as machinery obliterates all distinctions of labour, and nearly everywhere reduces wages to the same low level. The growing competition among the bourgeois, and the resulting commercial crises, make the wages of the workers ever more fluctuating. The increasing improvement of machinery, ever more rapidly developing, makes their livelihood more and more precarious; the collisions between individual workmen and individual bourgeois take more and more the character of collisions between two classes. Thereupon, the workers begin to form combinations (Trades’ Unions) against the bourgeois; they club together in order to keep up the rate of wages; they found permanent associations in order to make provision beforehand for these occasional revolts. Here and there, the contest breaks out into riots. Now and then the workers are victorious, but only for a time. The real fruit of their battles lies, not in the immediate result, but in the ever expanding union of the workers. This union is helped on by the improved means of communication that are created by modern industry, and that place the workers of different localities in contact with one another. It was just this contact that was needed to centralise the numerous local struggles, all of the same character, into one national struggle between classes. But every class struggle is a political struggle. And that union, to attain which the burghers of the Middle Ages, with their miserable highways, required centuries, the modern proletarian, thanks to railways, achieve in a few years. This organisation of the proletarians into a class, and, consequently into a political party, is continually being upset again by the competition between the workers themselves. But it ever rises up again, stronger, firmer, mightier. It compels legislative recognition of particular interests of the workers, by taking advantage of the divisions among the bourgeoisie itself. Thus, the ten- hours’ bill in England was carried. Altogether collisions between the classes of the old society further, in many ways, the course of development of the proletariat. The bourgeoisie finds itself involved in a constant battle. At first with the aristocracy; later on, with those portions of the bourgeoisie itself, whose interests have become antagonistic to the progress of industry; at all time with the bourgeoisie of foreign countries. In all these battles, it sees itself compelled to appeal to the proletariat, to ask for help, and thus, to drag it into the political arena. The bourgeoisie itself, therefore, supplies the proletariat with its own elements of political and general education, in other words, it furnishes the proletariat with weapons for fighting the bourgeoisie. Further, as we have already seen, entire sections of the ruling class are, by the advance of industry, precipitated into the proletariat, or are at least threatened in their conditions of existence. These also supply the proletariat with fresh elements of enlightenment and progress. Finally, in times when the class struggle nears the decisive hour, the progress of dissolution going on within the ruling class, in fact within the whole range of old society, assumes such a violent, glaring character, that a small section of the ruling class cuts itself adrift, and joins the revolutionary class, the class that holds the future in its hands. Just as, therefore, at an earlier
20 Manifesto of the Communist Party period, a section of the nobility went over to the bourgeoisie, so now a portion of the bourgeoisie goes over to the proletariat, and in particular, a portion of the bourgeois ideologists, who have raised themselves to the level of comprehending theoretically the historical movement as a whole. Of all the classes that stand face to face with the bourgeoisie today, the proletariat alone is a really revolutionary class. The other classes decay and finally disappear in the face of Modern Industry; the proletariat is its special and essential product. The lower middle class, the small manufacturer, the shopkeeper, the artisan, the peasant, all these fight against the bourgeoisie, to save from extinction their existence as fractions of the middle class. They are therefore not revolutionary, but conservative. Nay more, they are reactionary, for they try to roll back the wheel of history. If by chance, they are revolutionary, they are only so in view of their impending transfer into the proletariat; they thus defend not their present, but their future interests, they desert their own standpoint to place themselves at that of the proletariat. The “dangerous class”, [lumpenproletariat] the social scum, that passively rotting mass thrown off by the lowest layers of the old society, may, here and there, be swept into the movement by a proletarian revolution; its conditions of life, however, prepare it far more for the part of a bribed tool of reactionary intrigue. In the condition of the proletariat, those of old society at large are already virtually swamped. The proletarian is without property; his relation to his wife and children has no longer anything in common with the bourgeois family relations; modern industry labour, modern subjection to capital, the same in England as in France, in America as in Germany, has stripped him of every trace of national character. Law, morality, religion, are to him so many bourgeois prejudices, behind which lurk in ambush just as many bourgeois interests. All the preceding classes that got the upper hand sought to fortify their already acquired status by subjecting society at large to their conditions of appropriation. The proletarians cannot become masters of the productive forces of society, except by abolishing their own previous mode of appropriation, and thereby also every other previous mode of appropriation. They have nothing of their own to secure and to fortify; their mission is to destroy all previous securities for, and insurances of, individual property. All previous historical movements were movements of minorities, or in the interest of minorities. The proletarian movement is the self-conscious, independent movement of the immense majority, in the interest of the immense majority. The proletariat, the lowest stratum of our present society, cannot stir, cannot raise itself up, without the whole superincumbent strata of official society being sprung into the air. Though not in substance, yet in form, the struggle of the proletariat with the bourgeoisie is at first a national struggle. The proletariat of each country must, of course, first of all settle matters with its own bourgeoisie. In depicting the most general phases of the development of the proletariat, we traced the more or less veiled civil war, raging within existing society, up to the point where that war breaks out into open revolution, and where the violent overthrow of the bourgeoisie lays the foundation for the sway of the proletariat. Hitherto, every form of society has been based, as we have already seen, on the antagonism of oppressing and oppressed classes. But in order to oppress a class, certain conditions must be assured to it under which it can, at least, continue its slavish existence. The serf, in the period of serfdom, raised himself to membership in the commune, just as the petty bourgeois, under the yoke of the feudal absolutism, managed to develop into a bourgeois. The modern labourer, on the contrary, instead of rising with the process of industry, sinks deeper and deeper below the conditions of existence of his own class. He becomes a pauper, and pauperism develops more rapidly than population and wealth. And here it becomes evident, that the bourgeoisie is unfit any longer to be the ruling class in society, and to impose its conditions of existence upon society as
21 Manifesto of the Communist Party an over-riding law. It is unfit to rule because it is incompetent to assure an existence to its slave within his slavery, because it cannot help letting him sink into such a state, that it has to feed him, instead of being fed by him. Society can no longer live under this bourgeoisie, in other words, its existence is no longer compatible with society. The essential conditions for the existence and for the sway of the bourgeois class is the formation and augmentation of capital; the condition for capital is wage-labour. Wage-labour rests exclusively on competition between the labourers. The advance of industry, whose involuntary promoter is the bourgeoisie, replaces the isolation of the labourers, due to competition, by the revolutionary combination, due to association. The development of Modern Industry, therefore, cuts from under its feet the very foundation on which the bourgeoisie produces and appropriates products. What the bourgeoisie therefore produces, above all, are its own grave-diggers. Its fall and the victory of the proletariat are equally inevitable.
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2020.10.20 01:53 r3ctl Hidden sex new

I feel ashamed, embarrassed, and incompetent. So much so that I can't share this with anyone in my life. Living with my parents, they are strictly against premarital sex, so I have been walking on eggshells to hide my situation. Being in my early twenties, I have received thorough education on contraceptives and prevention of unplanned pregnancies. Yet around mid-September, I found out I was pregnant. I had multiple positive pregnancy tests in what would be my 5th week. I had been experiencing nausea, fatigue, and tender breasts for weeks, but that did not ease the shock. Once the denial had passed, I felt quite calm and apathetic. Although in retrospect, I believe my mind switched into an emotionally numb state to cope and allow myself to act, rather than get lost in the fear and anxiousness. I considered briefly what it would be like to continue the pregnancy, but all I wanted in that moment was to discretely terminate it and pretend it never happened. To set the context, I was raised in a religious family, but the pro-life beliefs I was taught eventually evolved into pro-choice beliefs in recent years as I developed my own independence. Although I believe that women should have a choice, I was thoroughly convinced that I would never have the heart to go through with an abortion myself. So my response rendered me utterly confused, and I lost trust in the values and morals that guide my actions. Less than a week after my discovery, I started spotting, which eventually led to extremely heavy bleeding one night. (MILD GRAPHIC DESCRIPTION WARNING)-----
I spent the entirety of that night in inexplicable pain with heavy muscle contractions and nausea as I felt large clots pass out of my body. The blood soaked through multiple overnight pads and eventually half my bed, so I sat on the bathroom floor until the flow started to slow in the early morning.
(CONTINUE HERE) I continued to lightly bleed and spot in the following days, and managed to book a doctor's appointment for later on that week. I was told by the doctor that I had likely experienced a miscarriage at 6 weeks, and the only step from here was to confirm by testing for serum B-HCG. The doctor called the following week to confirm that I had fully miscarried.
Physically, I felt very weak, and so growing up as a competitive athlete, my solution was to overcompensate by pushing my body beyond its limits with running and biking. Emotionally, I was completely numb and apathetic, which enabled me to continue with normalcy. If anything, I felt guilty for also feeling relieved that I didn't need to make a decision, or go through with an abortion. However, over the next few weeks, I began to slowly unwind. It occurred so inexplicably and sudden-I stopped sleeping, became isolated, stayed indoors and in bed all day, failed to fulfill commitments, experienced heavy brain fog, started having frequent anxiety attacks, and drank regularly (I normally abstain). However, there are swings in my mood where I'll feel perfectly alright and act fully functional, especially to keep my behavioural changes hidden from my family and friends. I am still confused as to how I suddenly lost my mind as I don't see how my experience could have warranted this reaction. I have completely lost control over my life, and cannot reclaim it regardless of my efforts (therapy, forcing a strict schedule, etc.).
To this day, the thought still lingers on whether I should have told my former partner about the pregnancy as we had been broken up for weeks. I feel some degree of guilt for not sharing the news with him, although I'm not sure that he would have still wanted to know after I miscarried. To clarify, since we weren't on speaking terms, I was planning to inform him once I received confirmation from a doctor to avoid unnecessary stress. However, I miscarried soon after finding out myself, and haven't had the capacity to speak of it.
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2020.10.20 00:35 jillloyo [SELL] [US] Makeup Rehab Sale Continues! Lots of New Items Added & Reduced Prices! Mix & Match with Skincare Sale! ♡

Thanks for checking out my sale! I'm trying hard for a low-buy and really trying to cut down on my back-ups + products that just didn't work for me. I added a bunch of new stuff this week & there will be lots more to come!

  • Everything is NEW & FULL SIZE unless otherwise noted. As for the used products, most were only color swatched & still include the original box/packaging. The pictures show exactly what you'll receive - but if you're unsure or need more info, just ask :)
  • SHIPPING: Starts $4 up to 15oz (First Class Mail) & will increase if over 1lb (Priority Mail). Orders shipped within 2 business days of payment.
  • PAYMENT: PayPal G&S always. Minimum purchase of $10 (before shipping). Please make sure your shipping address in PayPal is correct before payment.
  • FREEBIES with every purchase - list is at bottom. If you buy a few things from me, you can take whatever freebies you want! Really just want to see this stuff go to someone who will use it.
  • SKINCARE SALE - Feel free to mix & match from both lists - same goes for the freebies.
  • ANASTASIA BEVERLY HILLS Subculture | Swatched, Mostly used Electric shade | $25
  • BEAUTY BY POPSUGAR Trio Time Eye - Dubai | RV $27 | $6
  • BECCA Pearl Glow Shimmering Eyeshadow Palette | Light Use | RV $46 | $15
  • BUTTER LONDON Sheer Wisdom Serum Shadow (3 Shades - Sepia Tan, Driftwood, Maplewood) | $5 each
  • CHARLOTTE RONSON All Eye Need Palette - Lake | Light Use | $3
  • COLOURPOP Baby Got Peach | BNIB | $11
  • COLOURPOP I Think I Love You Palette (discontinued) | Light Use | $14
  • COLOURPOP It's My Pleasure Palette | Light Use/Missing Middle Shade | $9 (PENDING)
  • COLOURPOP Nude Mood Palette | Swatched | $10
  • COLOURPOP Smoke Show Palette | Swatched | $10
  • GLOSSIER Skywash Matte Lid Tint - Pebble | $14
  • JUVIA'S PLACE Nubian Mini | Like New/swatched; Box Incl.| $3
  • JUVIA'S PLACE Magic Mini | Like New/swatched 4 shades, others new; Box Incl. | RV $25 | $12
  • MUR Flawless Matte 32 pc Palette (L) | Like New/swatched | $4
  • MUR Flawless Matte #2 32 pc Palette (R) | Like New/swatched | $4
  • MUR Redemption Palette - Essential Mattes | Very Light Use | $4
  • MUR VIP 24 Piece Palette | Like New/swatched 5/24 pans | $5
  • MALLY Mallywood | (L) NWOB (small imperfection) | $3
  • MALLY Mallys Mattes | (R) NWOB (small imperfection) | $3
  • MAYBELLINE Mini City in 480 Matte About Town | Swatched | $2
  • MORPHE Eyeshadow Palette (350M?) | Light Use on few pans, most unused | $10 (PENDING)
  • NATASHA DENONA Eyeshadow - 126K Aubade | $5
  • NYX Waterproof Eye Shadow Primer | NWOB | $1.50 (2 avail)
  • PERIPERA Ink Fitting Shadow #17 Pink Recipe | Light Use | $2
  • PROFUSION Classics Palette | $2
  • SMASHBOX Cover Shot Palette - Minimalist | Swatched | RV$29 | $12
  • SMASHBOX Cover Shot Palette - Golden Hour | Swatched | RV$29 | $12
  • SMASHBOX Cover Shot Palette - Punked | Only used top left shade| RV$29 | $12
  • SMASHBOX + Vlada Cover Shot Palette - Petal Metal | Swatched | RV$29 | $13
  • STILA Stars Aligned Glitter & Glow Liquid Eye Shadow Set | 2x Mini | $14
  • TARTE Amazonian Clay Eye & Cheek Palette | BN/small smudge on 1 pan | $15
  • TARTE Golden Day Dreams | $14
  • TOO FACED Best Year Ever 2018 Palette | Light Use | $16
  • TOO FACED Matte Chocolate Chip Palette | Swatched; Box Incl. | $11
  • TOO FACED Semi-Sweet Chocolate Bar Eyeshadow Palette | Swatched; Box Incl. | RV$49 | $25
  • TOO FACED Twinkle Twinkle Liquid Glitter Eye Shadow | RV$22 | $10 each
    • 3 Shades: Strawberries & Champagne, Guava Glitz, Honey Please
  • TOO FACED Shadow Insurance | Mini | $5
  • ULTA Matte Neutrals Palette | Like New/swatched 3/12 pans | $8
  • URBAN DECAY Naked Ultimate Basics | $18
  • ELF Illuminating Palette | Swatched | $2
  • ELF Total Face Palette | Swatched | $2
  • MODELS OWN Sculpt & Glow Highlighter Palette in Strobe Light 09 | Swatched | $2.50
  • MUR Pro HD Powder Contour Palette - Fair | Swatched | $7
  • MUR Pro HD Brighter Than My Future | Swatched | $10 (large)
  • NYX Color Correcting Concealer Palette | Swatched | $2.50
  • SMASHBOX Holidaze Contour + Spotlight Palette | Like New; Swatched couple pans; Box Incl. | $25
  • ULTA Complete Face Sculpting Palette in Astoria | Swatched | $2.50
  • ULTA Conceal & Correct Fair-to-Light Palette | Swatched | $2.50
  • ARTIST COUTURE Diamond Glow Powder - Illuminati | Light Use | RV $27 | $10
  • BECCA Shimmering Skin Perfector - Opal | 0.08oz | $8
  • BECCA Shimmering Skin Perfecter - Champagne Pop | 0.04oz | $5
  • BENEFIT Cha-Cha Tint (mango) | Mid-size | $4
  • BENEFIT High Beam Liquid Highlighter | Mid-size / 0.13oz | $4
  • BENEFIT High Beam Liquid Highlighter | FS | $10
  • BENEFIT Double Up & Glow - High Beam/Sun Beam Highlighter Stick | $7
  • BENEFIT Watt's Up Stick Highlighter | New/small smudge on tip | Mini | $4
  • BUTTER LONDON Glow On The Go Pen - Rose Gold & White Gold | $4 each
  • COLOURPOP Sailor Moon Powder Blush - Cat's Eye | $15
  • COLOURPOP x Alexis Ren TOPAZ Bronzer and Highlighting Palette | Swatched | $13
  • COVER FX Custom Enhancer Drops - Moonlight | Mini | $6
  • COVER FX Shimmer Veil in Soleil | RV $28 | $6
  • DAISY & PEARL Natural Radiance Booster | Swatched; Box Incl. | RV $22 | $4
  • ESTATE Baked Highlight Powder - Dew Me Pearl | Swatched | 0.11oz | $2.50
  • L'OREAL True Match Lumi Glotion in 902 Light Glow | $5
  • MARC JACOBS O!mega Glaze All-Over Foil Luminzer - 79 Gilty | Light Use | RV $49 | $20
  • MARC JACOBS O!mega Glaze All-Over Foil Luminzer - 80 Worth The Wait | Light Use | RV $49 | $20
  • MUR Bronze & Glow Powder Bronzer & Highlighter Duo | Light Use | $3
  • MUR Jelly Highlighter - Dazzling (silver) & Prestigious (gold) | Swatched | $3 each (PENDING)
  • MUR Skin Kiss - Golden Kiss | Swatched | $2
  • MUR Ultra Strobe Balm Single in Euphoria | Swatched | $1
  • MUR Unicorn Elixir Highlighter Drops | Swatched | $2.50
  • MUR Luminous Luna Liquid Highlighter Drops | Swatched | $2.50
  • NARS Blush - Orgasm | Mini | $8
  • NARS Highlighting Powder Duo - Hungry Heart (L)| Light Use/No Box | RV $38 | $15
  • NARS Highlighting Blush Powder - Satellite of Love 5135 (R) | Light Use; Box Incl. | RV $38 | $15
  • OFRA Blush/Bronzer - Illuminating Blush Stripes | Swatched | RV $35 | $16
  • OFRA Eyeshadow/Highlighter - Bliss | Swatched | 4g | $5
  • OFRA Mini Highlighter - Rodeo Drive | 4g | $5
  • PACIFICA Get Lit Multi-High Light Drops in Aquamarine | Swatched | RV $15 | $3
  • PHYSICIAN'S FORMULA Murumuru Butter Highlighter - Rose Gold | NWOB | $3
  • PHYSICIAN'S FORMULA Murumuru Butter Highlighter - Pearl | Light Use | $3
  • PRETTY VULGAR Shimmering Swan Highlighter - Glow Up 126 | Swatched | RV $32 | $6
  • PYT BEAUTY Upgrade Highlighter - Backstage Pass | Swatched | Mini | $3
  • TARTE Tarteist Pro Glow Liquid Highlighter - Stunner | Mini | $4
  • TARTE Tarteist Pro Glow Liquid Highlighter - Stunner | RV $29 | $10
  • TARTE Tarteist Pro Glow Liquid Highlighter - Exposed | RV $29 | $10
  • TOO FACED Fruit Cocktail Blush Duo - Like My Melons | Swatched | $10
  • WANDER BEAUTY Highlighter - After Hours | Mini | $2
  • WET N WILD Cushion Highlight - Who's That Pearl | $3
  • BENEFIT HOOLA Matte Bronzer | Mini | $4
  • CARGO Bronzer - Light (left) | NWOB/small smudge | $7
  • CARGO HydraBronze Bronzing Powder (middle) | NWOB | $8
  • CARGO Water Resistant Bronzer (right)| Swatched | $6
  • LANCOME Star Bronzer Natural Glow Long Lasting Bronzing Powder - 02 Solaire | Light Use | RV $38 | $12
  • LAURA GELLER Baked Bronze-N-Brighten - Medium | Swatched | Mini | $3
  • OFRA Coral Blush/Bronzer Stripes | Like New, swatched 1x; Box Incl. | RV$35 | $12
  • PERFEKT Cheek Perfection Gel - Bronzed | $10
  • SEPHORA Cushion Bronzer - Medium/Tan 02 | $5
  • TARTE Amazonian Clay Smoothing Balm - Tan | $7
  • TARTE Amazonian Clay Bronzer - Park Ave Princess | Mini | $6
  • TOO FACED Unicorn Tears Iridescent Mystical Bronzer | $14
  • TOO FACED Chocolate Soleil - Medium/Deep Matte Bronzer | Mini | $4
  • BAREMINERALS Dew Mist Setting Spray | Mini | $3
  • BAREMINERALS Prime Time Primer | Mini | $3
  • BENEFIT Stay Flawless 15 Hour Primer Stick | Mini | $2
  • BENEFIT Porefessional Pore Primer | Mini | $3.50 (2 avail)
  • BENEFIT Porefessional Hydrate Primer | Mini | $3.50
  • COVER FX Custom Blot Drops - Oil Control (discontinued) | RV $38 | $22
  • COVER FX Custom Infusion Drops - Radiance C+ Lemongrass | RV $38 | $10
  • COVER FX Custom Infusion Drops - Hydration F+ Neroli | RV $38 | $10
  • COVER FX Custom Infusion Drops - Anti-Aging A+ Jasmine | RV $38 |$10
  • COVER FX Blurring Primer | FS | BN/Sealed | RV $38 | $18
  • COVER FX Dewy Skin Primer | FS | Swatched | RV $38 | $14
  • COVER FX Water Cloud Primer | 0.16oz | $2
  • COVER FX Illuminating Setting Spray | Used 2x; Box Incl. | $10
  • COVER FX High Performance Setting Spray | Mini | $3
  • FIRST AID BEAUTY Coconut Smoothie Priming Moisturizer | RV $29 | $11
  • FLOWER BEAUTY Seal the Deal Hydrating Setting Spray | $5
  • INN BEAUTY PROJECT Power Up Dual-Phase Setting Mist | RV $32 | $12
  • HOURGLASS Veil Mineral Primer | Mini | $4 (2 avail)
  • JAPONESQUE Velvet Touch Primer | Mini + Sample Foil | $5
  • LAURA GELLER Soothing Spackle Treatment Makeup Primer | RV $32 | $16
  • LAURA GELLER Hydrating Spackle Primer | 1oz | $8
  • MAC Fix+ Shimmer Setting Spray - Goldlite | RV$29 | $20
  • MAC Lightful Marine-Bright Formula Essence Serum \discontinued** | Used 1-2x | $15
  • MAKE UP FOR EVER Step 1 Skin Equalizer Primer | 0.16oz | $3
  • MODELS OWN This is Life Super Elixir Oil | $4
  • MUR Conceal & Fix Mattifying Primer | Like New; Used 1x | $3.50
  • NYX Hydratouch Oil Primer | Used 2-3x; Almost Full | $3.50
  • NYX Total Control Drop Primer | Light Use; 75% Left | RV $17 | $2.50
  • NYX Honey Dew Me Up Primer | RV $17 | $9 (2 avail)
  • NYX Shine Killer Primer | Like New; Used 1x | $2.50
  • NOTE COSMETICS Skin Perfecting Primer \discontinued** | $14
  • NOTE COSMETICS Skin Perfecting Illuminating Primer \discontinued** | $14
  • OFRA Cool as a Cucumber | RV $20 | $9
  • OFRA Silicone Primer | RV $20 | $9
  • PACIFICA Crystal Illuminating Primer | $8
  • PETER THOMAS ROTH Skin to Die For | Mini | $2.50 each (2 avail)
  • PUR No Filter Blurring Photography Primer | Mini | $1.50
  • SMASHBOX Photo Finish Primer Water | 1oz | $5
  • SMASHBOX Photo Finish Primer Water | RV $32 | $17
  • SMITH & CULT Blackdrop Mattifying Primer | Mini | Swatched | $2
  • TARTE Base Tape Hydrating Primer | RV $30 | $13
  • TARTE Mermaid Skin H2O Serum | Mini | $4 each (3 avail)
  • TOM FORD Illuminating Primer | See Usage | RV$76 | $22. (SOLD)
  • TOO FACED Dew You Fresh Glow Luminous Face Primer - Radiant Pearl | Swatched | $14
  • TOO FACED Hangover Rx Replenishing Face Primer | 0.16oz | $1.50 (2 avail)
  • TOO FACED Dew You Fresh Glow Setting Spray | RV $33 | $15
  • TOO FACED Watermelon Hangover Replenishing Primer & Setting Spray | RV $33 | $15
  • TOUCH IN SOL No Poreblem Prime Essence Calendula Flower | RV $23 | $9
  • URBAN DECAY Rehab Makeup Prep Hot Springs Hydrating Gel | $15
  • VDL Lumilayer Primer | RV $32 | $18
  • BAREMINERALS BareSkin Serum Foundation - Bare Beige 08 | Light Use| $4
  • BAREMINERALS Complexion Rescue Tinted Gel Cream - Buttercream | BN | $12
  • BENEFIT Hello Flawless Oxygen Foundation - PETAL | Mini | $6
  • CATRICE HQ Liquid Coverage Foundation - Rose Beige 020 | Swatched | $5
  • CLINIQUE Acne Solutions Liquid Makeup - Fresh Honey 09 | Moderate Use | RV $29.50 | $4
  • CLINIQUE Even Better Makeup - 64 Cream Beige | Mini | $3 (3 avail)
  • COVER FX Custom Cover Drops - P50 (orig formula) | Swatched | RV $38 | $17
  • COVER FX Custom Cover Drops - N30 (orig formula) | Swatched | RV $38 | $17
  • COVER FX Custom Cover Drops - G Light 2 (new formula) | Swatched | RV $29 | $13
  • DIOR Backstage Face & Body Foundation - 4N | Mini | $6
  • JANE IREDALE Beyond Matte Liquid Foundation - M3 | Moderate Use/Broken Pump | RV $50 | $7
  • LAURA GELLER Cover Lock Cream Foundation - Medium | Mini | $3
  • L'OREAL Lumi Cushion - N1 Soft Ivory | BN | $3
  • MAKEUP FOREVER Ultra HD Invisible Cover - Y335 - Dark Sand | Mini | $3
  • MAKEUP FOREVER Ultra HD Invisible Cover - Y445 - Amber | Mini | $3
  • MALLY BEAUTY Face Defender BB Cream Foundation - Light | Swatched; Box Included | $6
  • MALLY BEAUTY H3 Moisturizing Foundation - Fair | Swatched; Box Included | $6
  • MALLY BEAUTY H3 Moisturizing Foundation - Medium Light | Swatched; Box Included | $6
  • MILANI Conceal + Perfect Foundation+Concealer - Light Natural 00 | $4
  • NATASHA DENONA Face Glow Foundation - 20 | Moderate Use | RV $42 | $15
  • NATASHA DENONA Foundation X+ Full Coverage Fruit Complex - 22R Light/Red Undertone | Used 2x | RV $45 | $20
  • NYX Bare With Me Tinted Skin Veil True Beige Buff | Swatched | $4
  • NYX Born to Glow Radiant Foundation in Vanilla 6 & Nude 6.5 | Used 1x | $3 each
  • NYX Born to Glow Radiant Foundation in Nude 6.5 & Soft Beige 7.5 | BN/Sealed | $5 each
  • NOTE COSMETICS Sunglow Foundation - Light 10 | Mini | $3 each (2 avail)
  • PIXI Illuminating Tint + Conceal Duo - Light Glow No.1 | Swatched | RV $24 | $6
  • PURLISSE Perfect Glow BB Cream - Light [EXP 2/21] | Mini | $2.50
  • PUR 4-in-1 Pressed Mineral Makeup - Blush Medium | BN (sealed compact) | RV $29.50 | $17
  • PUR 4-in-1 Pressed Mineral Makeup - Blush Medium | Light Use; Box Incl. | $13
  • STILA Stay All Day 10-in-1 HD Beauty Balm (discntd) | RV $36 | $25
  • TARTE Amazonian Clay Airbrush Foundation - Light-Medium Neutral | Swatched; Box Incl. | RV $36 | $14
  • TARTE Shape Tape Hydrating Foundation in Light-Medium Beige | Light Use; Box Incl. | RV $39 | $14
  • TARTE Shape Tape Matte Foundation - Fair-Light Neutral | Light Use; Box Incl. | RV $39 | $14
  • TARTE Tarteguard Tinted Moisturizer - Medium | $8
  • TONYMOLY Luminous Goddess Aura BB Cream SPF37 PA++ - 02 (No exp listed, MFG 2018.12.24) | Light Use | $7
  • ULTA Adjustable Coverage WetDry Pressed Powder Foundation - Medium | Swatched | $4
  • ULTA Youthful Glow Foundation - Light to Medium Cool | Swatched; Box Incl. | $6
  • URBAN DECAY All Nighter Waterproof Longwear Foundation - 5.0 | See Usage / 50% left | RV $40 | $7
  • WINKY LUX Diamond Powder Foundation - Medium (L) | RV $22 | $14
  • WINKY LUX Diamond Powder Foundation - Light (R) | RV $22 | $14
  • BAREMINERALS Blemish Rescue Medium Beige 2.5N [SPF EXP:7/20] | Swatched | Mini | $3
  • BAREMINERALS Hydrating Mineral Veil | Swatched | FS | RV $25 | $12
  • BAREMINERALS Original Mineral Veil | Light Use | FS | RV $25 | $7
  • BAREMINERALS Matte Foundation - Golden Fair | Light Use | FS | RV $32 | $6
  • BECCA Hydramist Setting Powder | Mini | $6
  • COVER FX Perfect Setting Powder - Translucent | Mini/0.035oz | $2
  • DERMABLEND Loose Setting Powder - Cool Beige | Used 2x; Box Incl. | FS | $18
  • DERMABLEND Loose Setting Powder | Mini/0.18oz | $5 (2 avail)
  • DERMABLEND Loose Setting Powder | Mini/0.11oz | $3 (2 avail)
  • MAKE UP FOR EVER Ultra HD Microfinish Loose Powder | Mini/1g | $3.50
  • MARC JACOBS Finish Line Coconut Setting Powder - 34 Invisible | Light Use | RV $44 | $16
  • NYX HD Finishing Powder - Mint Green | Light Use | $3
  • NYX HD Finishing Powder - Translucent | Light Use | $3
  • OFRA Oil Control Pressed Powder | Used 1x | RV $23 | $11
  • TOO FACED Dew You Fresh Glow Translucent Setting Powder - Radiant Nude | RV $33 | $15
  • TOO FACED Dew You Fresh Glow Translucent Setting Powder - Radiant Pearl | RV $33 | $15
  • TOO FACED It's Bananas Brightening Setting Powder | RV $30 | $13
  • TOO FACED Primed & Poreless Skin Smoothing Pressed Powder | Very Light Use | RV $34 | $14
  • AMAZING COSMETICS Amazing Concealer - Medium Golden | Swatched; Box Incl. | RV$28 | $7
  • AMAZING COSMETICS Amazing Concealer - Light Beige | Swatched; Box Incl. | RV$28 | $7
  • AMAZING COSMETICS Illuminate Concealer - Light Caramel | Swatched; Box Incl. | RV$30 | $7
  • AMAZING COSMETICS Illuminate Concealer - Dark Beige | BN | RV $30 | $8
  • AMAZING COSMETICS Amazing Concealer - Dark Caramel | BN | RV $30 | $8
  • BAREMINERALS Bareskin Serum Concealer - Light | Swatched; Box Incl. | RV $24 | $11
  • BAREMINERALS Bareskin Serum Concealer - Medium | Swatched; Box Incl. | RV $24 | $11
  • BAREMINERALS Multi-Tasking Concealer - Honey Bisque | Mini | $2.50
  • BAREMINERALS Multi-Tasking Concealer - Medium Beige | Mini | $2.50
  • CARGO Jet Lag Concealer - 02 | Light Use | RV $30 | $2
  • CATRICE One Drop Coverage Concealer - Ivory Rose 004 | $3.50
  • CHARLOTTE TILBURY Magic Away Concealer - 4 Fair | See Usage | RV $32 | $12
  • FLESH Hide The Evidence Double Concealer - Medium Pinkish | RV $28 | $12
  • IT COSMETICS Bye Bye Undereye Concealer - Neutral Light | 0.28oz | $10
  • J.CAT BEAUTY Staysurance Concealer - Custard | Swatched | $3
  • JAPONESQUE Pixelated Color Eyelighter - Shade 01 | BN | $7
  • JAPONESQUE Pixelated Color Eyelighter - Shade 03 | NIB but product seeped up to brush | $5
  • LORAC Touch Up Pen - Peach CF5 | Swatched | RV $28 | $5
  • LORAC Touch Up Pen - Light Beige CF3 | Swatched | RV $28 | $5
  • MUR Fast Base Concealer - C7 | $2
  • MALLY Circle of Light Face Brightener - Lighter | NIB but product seeped up to brush | $8
  • MALLY H3 Concealer - Light | Swatched; Box Incl.| $4
  • MALLY See The Light Concealer - FAIR | Swatched; Box Incl.| $5
  • MALLY See The Light Concealer - MEDIUM | Swatched; Box Incl. | $5
  • NARS Stick Concealer - Chantilly (Light 1) | Moderate Use/Imperfection | $4
  • NARS Radiant Creamy Concealer - Chantilly (Light 1) | Light Use | RV $30 | $9
  • NYX 3C Concealer Palette - Light 3CP01 | $3.50
  • PHYSICIANS FORMULA Instaready Full Coverage Concealer - 6805 Light | $4 (1 left)
  • PRETTY VULGAR Undercover Concealer - The Middle Ground | Swatched | RV $25 | $9
  • SEPHORA Bright Future Color Corrector - 04 Peach Light & 05 Melon Medium | Swatched | $3 each / both for $5
  • SONIA KASHUK Hidden Agenda Concealer Quad - Medium | $3 (2 avail)
  • TARTE Colored Clay CC Primer - Fair | $15
  • TARTE Hydrocealer - 39H Medium-Tan Honey | Mini | $3
  • TARTE Maracuja Creaseless Concealer - Medium | Used 2x | $9
  • THE BALM Time Balm Concealer - Lighter Than Light | Light Use| $3.50
  • THE BALM Time Balm Concealer - After Dark | BN/Sealed | $5
  • BAREMINERALS Lash Domination Mascara | Mini | $3
  • BENEFIT They're Real Mascara | Mini | $3
  • BENEFIT They're Real Waterproof Eye Makeup Remover | Mini | $3 (2 avail)
  • CLINIQUE High Impact (01 Black) | Mini | $3 (2 avail)
  • DIOR DiorShow Mascara | Mini | $5
  • HOURGLASS Film Noir Full Spectrum Mascara - Onyx | Mini | $5
  • IT COSMETICS Superhero Mascara | NWOB | FS | $12
  • IT COSMETICS Lash Blow Out | Mini | $4
  • LAURA MERCIER Caviar Volume Mascara | Mini | $4
  • MALLY Volumizing Mascara | Mini | $2
  • PUR Fully Charged | Mini | $3
  • STILA Huge Extreme Lash Mascara | Mini | $4
  • TARTE Big Ego Mascara | Mini | $3
  • TARTE Lights Camera Lashes | Mini | $4 (2 avail)
  • TARTE Tarteist Lash Paint in Black | Mini | $4 (3 avail)
  • TOO FACED Mascara Melt Off Cleansing Oil Mascara Dissolver | Mini | $4
  • URBAN DECAY Troublemaker | Mini | $4
  • URBAN DECAY Perversion | Mini | $4 (2 avail in different packaging, same size)
  • HOLIKA HOLIKA Double Eyelid Liner [EXP 7/21] (can also be used as blonde brow blade/flick) | $4
  • KAT VON D Tattoo Liner - Trooper Black | Mini | $3.50
  • LOTTIE LONDON Stamp Liner (EyelineWing Duo) | Swatched | $4
  • MAC Pro Longwear Fluidline - Deliciously Rich | Light Use w/ Brush; Box Incl. | $5
  • SIGMA Standout Eyes Gel Liner - Unexpected (neutral stony grey) | $5 (1 left)
  • STILA Stay All Day Waterproof Liquid Liner - Intense Black | $15 (PENDING)
  • STILA Stay All Day Waterproof Liquid Liner - Intense Black | Mini | $6
  • STILA Stay All Day Waterproof Liquid Liner | NWOB | $5 each (2 avail in each shade)
    • 4 SHADES (top to bottom): Cobalt (blue), Teal, Periwinkle (pale blue) & Emerald (green)
  • TARTE Maneater Liquid Eyeliner | Mini | $5 (1 left)
  • TARTE Rainforest of the Sea So Fine Micro Eyeliner \discontinued** | $12
  • TARTE Sex Kitten Eyeliner | Mini | $5
  • ANASTASIA BEVERLY HILLS Brow Wiz - Taupe | $15
  • ANASTASIA BEVERLY HILLS Tinted Brow Gel - Blonde | Swatched | $10
  • BENEFIT Brow Contour Pro - 02 Brown Light | Used 2x | RV$34 | $14
  • BENEFIT Gimme Brow - #3 | Mini | $4
  • BENEFIT Gimme Brow+ - #3 | Mini | $4
  • BENEFIT Precisely My Brow Pencil - Shade 2 | Mini | $6
  • BILLION DOLLAR BROWS Brow Powder - Blonde | Swatched; Box Incl. | $4
  • BILLION DOLLAR BROWS Brow Powder - Light Brown | Swatched; Box Incl. | $4
  • BILLION DOLLAR BROWS Hint of Tint - Taupe | Swatched; Box Incl. | $4
  • DIVADERME Brow Extender II - Light Ash Blonde | Swatched | $3
  • ESTEE LAUDER Double Wear Stay-in-Place Brow Lift Duo - Blonde/Brown | Swatched Box Incl. | RV $29 | $8
  • LOTTIE LONDON Microblade Effect Brow Pen - Cool Brown | Used 1x | $5
  • MAYBELLINE Expert Wear Twin Pencils - 107 Blonde | $2
  • MAYBELLINE Brow Drama Sculpting Mascara - Blonde 250 | Swatched | $1
  • MAYBELLINE Brow Precise Highlighter - 310 Medium | Swatched | $1
  • NYX Bare With Me Sativa Seed Oil Brow Setter | $2.50 (2 avail)
  • PER-FEKT Brow Perfection Gel - Champagne (light) | $4
  • SIGMA Brow Powder Duo - Light | Swatched 1x | $2
  • SIGMA Double-Sided Pencil - Medium/Dark | Light Use; Box Incl. | $2
  • SMASHBOX Brow Tech Gloss Stick - Blonde | Used 1x; Box Incl. | $4
  • SOAP & GLORY Archery Brow Fiber Gel - Blonde | Swatched | $1.50
  • THE BALM Brow Pow Eyebrow Powder - Blonde | Swatched | RV$15| $4
  • THE BALM Furrowcious Brow Pencil - Blonde | $5
  • URBAN DECAY Brow Blade - Cool Cookie | $16
  • URBAN DECAY Brow Endowed - Brunette Betty | Mini | $2.50
  • URBAN DECAY Brow Endowed - Taupe Trap | Mini | $3
  • URBAN DECAY Brow Tamer Tinted Brow Gel - Taupe | Like New; used 1x | $5
  • WINKY LUX Uni-Brow Universal Brow Pencil | Like New; used 1x | $5
  • WUNDER2 WUNDERBROW Brow Gel - Blonde | Like New; Box Incl. | $8
  • ANASTASIA BEVERLY HILLS Lip Gloss - Weekend Barbie | Light Use | FS | $3.50
  • ANASTASIA BEVERLY HILLS Lip Gloss - Candy | Light Use | FS | $3.50
  • ANASTASIA BEVERLY HILLS Lip Gloss - Moon Jelly | Swatched | Mini | $2.50
  • BAREMINERALS Gen Nude Matte Liquid Lipcolor - Everything | Mini | $2
  • BAREMINERALS Gen Nude Matte Liquid Lipcolor - Swag | Mini | $2
  • BEAUTY BY POPSUGAR Be the Boss Lip Gloss - Time After Time | RV $18 | $4
  • BEAUTY BY POPSUGAR Be the Boss Lip Gloss - Time After Time | Mini | $1.50
  • BENEFIT PosieBalm Tinted Lip Balm | $12
  • BITE BEAUTY Matte Creme Lip Crayon - Glace | Both Swatched | Mini | $1.50 (2 avail)
  • BLISS Fabulips Sugar Lip Scrub | RV $15 | $5
  • BUTTER LONDON Glazen Lip Glaze - Pixie Dust | $5
  • BUXOM Full On Plumping Lip Gloss - Berry Blast | Moderate Use/Scratched | FS | $2
  • BUXOM Full-On Lip Polish - Celeste | Swatched | Mini | $2
  • BUXOM Lipstick - Mistress | Light Use | Mini | $1
  • CARGO Lipstick - Dubai | FS | $4
  • CARGO Lip Gloss - Fresno | Mini | $2 (3 avail)
  • CARGO Lip Gloss - Juneau | Mini | $2
  • CARGO Lip Gloss - Madrid | Mini | $2
  • CARGO Lip Gloss - Sahara | Swatched | Mini | $2
  • FLOWER BEAUTY Galaxy Glaze Holographic Lip Gloss - 10 Soleil & 05 Angelic | Swatched | $3 each / 2 for $5
  • H20 Lip Gel - Clear as Day | Swatched | $3
  • HOURGLASS Extreme Sheen Lip Gloss - Truth | Moderate Use/Faded Label | $3
  • JULEP It's Whipped Matte Lip Mousse - Bisou | Mini | $2.50
  • KAJA Cushy Vibe Lip Stain - 05 Chiffon [EXP 12/2020] | Light Use | RV $18 | $9
  • KAT VON D Everlasting Liquid Lipstick | All Swatched | Mini | $2.50 each
    • 6 Shades (L to R): Echo, Nahz Fur Atoo, Mother, Lovesick
  • LANCOME Gloss in Love Lip Gloss - Lily En Lame 351 | Light Use | $3
  • LAURA GELLER Color Luster Lip Gloss - Diamond Dust | Mini | $3
  • LIP FUSION Micro Collagen Lip Plump - Glow | Light Use | $2
  • LORAC Alter Ego Matte Liquid Lipstick - Crush | Light Use | $2
  • MAC Lip Glass - A38 Lovechild | Mini | $3
  • MAC Viva Glam Miley Cyrus Lipstick - Amplified | Used 2x | $8
  • MAKE UP FOR EVER Aqua Rouge Waterproof Liquid Lip Color - 9/Clear | Light Use | $3
  • NARS Velvet Lip Glide - Bound | Swatched | Mini | $3
  • NUDESTIX Intense Matte Lip + Cheek Pencil - Kiss | 2.8 g | RV $26 | $8
  • NUDESTIX Intense Matte Lip + Cheek Pencil - Pixi | 2.8 g | RV $26 | $8
  • NUDESTIX Nudies All Over Face Color Matte Cream - Naughty n' Spice | Swatched | Mini | $2
  • NYX Paradise Fluff Lip Oil - Carnival Ride | Swatched | $2.50
  • NYX Soft Matte Metallic Lip Cream - Paris | Swatched | $2.50
  • OFRA Long Lasting Liquid Lipstick - Hollywood | RV $20 | $7
  • OFRA Long Lasting Liquid Lipstick - Bel Air | RV $20 | $7
  • PER-FEKT Lip Per-fekt Tinted Balm Crayon | Swatched; Box Incl. | $8 each
    • 3 Shades: Hint of Tint, Hollywood & Melrose
  • PIXI Lip Gloss - Cookie | Used 2x | $2
  • PIXI Tinted Brillance Balm - Lucent Glow 10 | Swatched | $3
  • PHILOSOPHY Sparkling Cranberry Lip Gloss | Swatched | $4
  • TARTE Tarteist Holographic Lip Gloss - Mermaid | BN (box slight damage) | RV $20 | $8
  • TARTE Tarteist Lip Bling Top Coat - Tinsel | RV $20 | $8
  • TARTE Tarteist Quick Dry Matte Lip Paint - Rose | Mini | $3.50 (2 avail)
  • THE BALM Meet Matte Hughes Liquid Lip/Lip Liner Set | $10
  • TOO FACED Lip Injection Glossy | Mini | $4
  • TOO FACED Melted Matte Liquid Lipstick - Sell Out | Mini | $3
  • TOO FACED Natural Nudes Lipstick - Send Nudes | Light Use | $3.50
  • SIGMA Lip Vex Lip Gloss | BN (part of set) $3 each
    • 5 SHADES: Vivid, Skinny Dip, Tender, Slip & Chill Out
  • SMASHBOX Lip Enhancing Gloss - Illume | Swatched | Mini | $2.50
  • SOAP & GLORY Spectaculips Matte-allic Metallic Matte Lip Cream - Pink Charming | Swatched | $2.50
  • STILA Beauty Boss Lip Gloss - Synergy | Light Use | $3
  • STILA Stay All Day Liquid Lipstick - Beso & Patina | Mini | $4 each
  • ULTA AVENGERS Matte Liquid Lipstick - Supercharged | $3.50
  • ULTA Watermelon Slushy Scrub | Swatched | $1
  • ULTA Watermelon Juice Gloss | Swatched | $1
  • ULTA Juice Infused Lip Oil - Coconut | Swatched | $1
  • ULTA Juice Infused Lip Oil - Jojoba + Peach | Swatched | $1
  • URBAN DECAY Matte Revolution Lipstick - Matte Bad Blood | New, small nick on top | RV$22 | $5
  • URBAN DECAY High-Color Lip Gloss - VICE | Light Use | $2.50
  • URBAN DECAY Revolution Double Shot Lip Gloss Set - Liar & Anarchy | Mini (x2) | $6
  • WANDER BEAUTY Double Date Lip & Cheek - Rendezvous | Swatched | $1
  • YSL Pure Color Lip Gloss - 26 Extravagant Pink Shimmer | Light Use | $3
  • IT COSMETICS FOR ULTA Airbrush Complexion Perfection Brush #115 | RV $24 | $10
  • MAKE UP FOR EVER Instant Brush Cleanser | 1.69oz | $6
  • SMASHBOX Cosmic Celebration Photo Finish Star Power Primer Set | 3x Minis | $13
  • SMASHBOX Holidaze Photo Finish Primer Set | 3x Minis | $13
  • REAL TECHNIQUES Expert Air Cushion Sponge | $4 (2 avail)
  • AMUSE Color Correcting Face Primer - Neutralizer | Swatched
  • AOA Diamond Lip Gloss - 1103 Pixie | Swatched
  • AOA Diamond Lip Gloss - 1108 Bubble Gum | Swatched
  • AOA Sugar Lip Scrub - Rose | Swatched
  • AOA Oh Honey Lip Oil - Honey | Swatched
  • AOA Oh Honey Lip Oil - Apple | Swatched
  • APPEAL Ultra Crème Lipstick - Muse | BN | FS (2 avail)
  • BE A BOMBSHELL COSMETICS Sweet Cheeks Blush | Light Use
  • BH COSMETICS Liquid Lipstick (no shade name) | Swatched | Mini
  • BH COSMETICS Concealer Wheel - Light | Light Use
  • BUTTER LONDON Glazed Eye Gloss - Bronzed | Never used but dried out
  • CANMAKE Eye Nuance 32 | Swatched
  • CLINIQUE Duo - Lash Doubling Mascara + Different Lipstick - 43 Glazed Berry | Light Use
  • CLINIQUE Duo - High Impact Mascara + Long Last Glosswear - 07 Bonfire | Light Use
  • CLINIQUE High Impact Mini Mascara | Used 1x
  • COVER FX 3pc Click Stick Set - Correct Click Green + Cover Click G20 + Click Stick Case | Both sticks are disconnected at base but only used a few times (SOLD)
  • ELF Foundation Palette - FaiLight | BN
  • ELF - Set 2x Cream Eyeshadows - Blushing Rose & Nude Linen | Light Use
  • ELF - Set 2x Mineral Loose Eyeshadows - Celebrity & Elegant | Swatched
  • ESSENCE Kiss the Frog Lipstick | Swatched
  • ESSENCE Kiss the Unicorn Lipstick | Swatched
  • ESSENCE Pure Nude Cosmolighter - Be My Cosmolight 30 | Lightly Used
  • ESSENCE Pure Nude Spacelighter - Be My Spacelight 20 | Lightly Used
  • EYEKO Fat Liquid Eyeliner - Black | Light Use
  • JORDANA Easy Liner for Lips - Tawny | Light Use
  • JUICY COUTURE Kiss Me Mini Lip Gloss | Swatched
  • KAT VON D Go Big or Go Home Mini Mascara | Used 1x (SOLD)
  • LANCOME Dèfinicils Mini Mascara | Used 1x
  • MAYBELLINE Lash Sensational Mini Mascara | BN
  • MILANI Highly Rated Mini Mascara | Used 1x
  • MODELS OWN Face Base Illuminating Face Primer
  • MODELS OWN Grand Finale Loose Powder - Translucent 01
  • MODELS OWN Sculpt & Glow Matte Bronzer - Light Tan 01
  • MUR Fast Base Concealer - C4 | Swatched
  • NYX Jumbo Eye Pencil - Milk/White | Moderate Use/Broken Cap
  • NYX Lid Lingerie Matte Eye Tint - Power Trip | New/Sealed but settled/see pics
  • NYX Natural Shadow Palette | Light Use
  • NYX Wonder Stick - Universal | NWOB, Smudged tip on light end
  • RIMMEL LONDON Stay Matte Mousse Foundation - Light Nude 302
  • SANTEE Matte Liquid Lipstick x2 (no shade names) | Swatched
  • SEPHORA Cream Lip Stain - 02 | Moderate Use
  • SEPHORA Cream Lip Stain - 67 | Moderate Use
  • SEPHORA Cream Lip Stain - 101 | Moderate Use
  • SONIA KASHUK Perfecting Luminous Foundation - Bamboo 05 | Moderate Use
  • SONIA KASHUK Sweet Nothings Palette | Light Use
  • TOO FACED Dam Girl Mini Mascara | Used 1x
  • TOO FACED Better Than Sex Mini Mascara | Used 1x
  • ULTA Duo Chrome Illuminator - Prismatic Unicorn | Swatched
  • ULTA Mini Palette | Swatched
  • ULTA Hydrating Face Primer | Mini
  • ULTA Liquid Illuminator - Sunray Burst | Mini
  • ULTA Tinted Eye Primer - Champagne | Mini
  • URBAN STUDIO 12pc Mascara Wands | BN
  • VICTORIA'S SECRET Beauty Rush Lip Gloss - Taffy Go Lucky | Light Use
  • VICTORIA'S SECRET Beauty Rush Lip Gloss - Cherry Bomb | Light Use
  • VICTORIA'S SECRET Glossy Tint Lip Sheer - Boudoir Pink | Light Use
  • VICTORIA'S SECRET Beauty Rush Dazzleshine Lip Gloss - | Light Use
  • W3LL PEOPLE Bio Correct Concealer Sampler Box (4 samples)
Feel free to mix-and-match items from my SKINCARE SALE ♡ Thank you for reading this far! :)
submitted by jillloyo to makeupexchange [link] [comments]

2020.10.19 22:49 Atrophied_Silence Sex new hidden

A continuation of my story, The Angels Burned
Check it out here if you have not read the first part

It was gearing up to be a long night.
The place was packed two-deep with thirsty patrons, and our barback was nowhere in sight. I wouldn’t know it until hours later, but he had quit out of the blue, leaving me to manage the tides myself.
The entrance to our pub was tucked away inside a bricked alleyway, marked with a crooked street lamp. Beyond the frontage of oak and stained-glass windows, the inside oozed with old-fashioned character.
A western fireplace fitted with wrought iron pokers, rickety wooden stools, dozens of triple X whiskey water jugs hanging from the ceiling, and old-world goods for display on the dark shelf-lined walls.
The perfect Old West backdrop for tourists.
That’s how all the seasons go in Vail, Colorado.
When visitors weren’t coming to freeze on the slopes, they came rolling in for the summer glamour, the velvety hills, and the smell of fireweed and creek water in the air.
Stressful as it made my shift, and as much as I wanted to wring the barback’s neck for it, I was used to handling things on my own.
It’s how I cut my teeth in the bar trade—my rite of passage, you might call it. Multi-tasking like a maniac, memorizing cocktail recipes, and answering the electrified calls of drunks—maybe a shot or two on the side to take the edge off.
A few of my regulars were perched along the bar—a triad of glossy-lipped girls fresh in their college years. I could never remember their names, but I always remembered which of them tipped the best.
As the three of them laughed noisily and shouted back and forth to each other, I was keeping an eye on the fellow two stools down from them.
He’d strolled in just as they arrived and settled quickly at the bar.
“What are you thinking, boss?” I asked, taking his order.
“Vodka, neat,” he muttered with an inkling of drowsiness. “Keep my tab open.”
His face matched the drink, a hard, marbled expression with nothing else mixed in, straight from the bottle to the glass. He wore a dark coat with a red cap fighting to keep his ruffled hair from poking out. A beard enveloped his mouth and dangled under his chin like that of a billy goat.
He’d been eyeballing the girls for a while, and noticeably, none of them cared for it. As two of the girls went to the restroom and one stayed behind, he took his chance.
Busy as that night was, I couldn’t help but watch him give it his best:
A subtle gesture to her glass followed by a shake of her head.
A little bit of chatter, and another shake of her head.
But Goat Beard would not be swayed, and I heard him asking something along the lines of, “Do you smoke? Want to go out and smoke with me?”
“Sorry, no,” she said, turning her entire body to convey the end of their conversation.
Finally deterred, he left her alone and made his way around the tavern.
Watching him rubber-leg his way over to the dartboards, I wished I had caught how drunk he was before pouring that last drink.
He took a seat near a group of younger guys and watched their darts fly. Whenever one missed its mark or landed clear off the board, the boys—along with their new spectator— erupted with laughter.
He leaned back, teasing the chair on its last two legs, and cackled loudly. Others looked over in curiosity and annoyance until even the jukebox tunes were second to the horsey laughter. The group of guys didn’t seem to mind it. They even welcomed it, with one of them enthusiastically high-fiving him. But eventually, the obnoxious chortling wore out its welcome, and the group made their way elsewhere.
Goat Beard followed and asked one of the boys something—the one that initiated the high-five. Judging by him tapping a V shape against his lips, it seemed like another request to go out and smoke.
The boy shook his head, denying the offer.
Striking out twice, the man stumbled his way back to the bar and reclaimed his seat, hunched over like a brooding Paul Bunyan. He seemed anxious, hands clenched and fingers trembling.
Soon enough, his neck arched back up to me and hollered, “Hey! Another neat, bud.”
“Sorry, man,” I replied bringing him a glass of water, “We’re going to need you to slow down tonight.”
He eyed the water and then blinked bullets at me, “What?!”
“Have to cut you off for now. Just sober up a bit, alright?”
Betrayal crossed his fleecy face like I had spat on a long-lived kinship. “I had one shot, bud. Ain’t even drunk yet. Now pour me another, alright?”
No drunk liked to be 86’d, but such things were necessary in the world of adult baby-sitting. I shook my head at him, “Sorry, you have to sober up a bit.”
“I’m not even drunk,” he challenged me again and then not even a second after, he slammed both palms on the table. “Now take my fuckin’ order!”
He grabbed the glass and doused me with the water I had poured for him.
I signaled for our bouncer who immediately made his way over and locked arms with the disturbance.
“Bastard!” he yelled, digging his heels into the floor, “My money’s good here, my fuckin’ money’s good here!” As he was dragged out and his screams dissipated, onlookers returned to their drinks and conversations.
I wiped off the water as well as I could and went back to work. It wasn’t the first time I’d been swilled by an angry customer, and it most likely wouldn’t be the last.
Ten minutes after the last call, we stopped serving drinks. Thirty minutes after that, we emptied the bar and closed shop.
I counted the money to make sure the checkout was correct, and ran a cursory sweep over the place for any stragglers in the bathroom or under the booths. The last thing we needed was a drunkard waking up to their own alcoholic Wonka factory.
The night air always tasted nicer after a long shift, especially if there wasn’t the residue of vomit in the pavement or cigarettes in the air.
I made the short walk to my car, parked in the space reserved for on-duty bartenders. Half the parking lot was glazed in the fluorescent light of a streetlamp, while the other half was covered in 4 a.m. blackness.
As I fished the keys out of my pocket and opened the door, a ring of icy steel pressed against the nape of my neck.
“Don’t,” a voice breathed from behind me as I reactively tried to move away from it.
From the window, I could make out the orange-dipped reflection of a man with a gun and a tufty beard.
“Okay, okay,” I said quietly, my hands pitifully up in front of me. “Take it easy. I’ll give you whatever you want.”
“Shut up.” Goat Beard grunted, digging the muzzle deeper into the scruff of my neck. “Get in the car.”
I did as he was told and gripped the wheel.
He circled to the passenger door, found that it was locked, and tapped the gun against the glass.
Sure, I could have jammed the keys into the ignition and whipped the car into a screeching reverse, but the short seconds to do that felt much slower than a bullet smashing first through the window then through my skull.
I unlocked the door.
He opened the door and seated himself, the snout of a firearm still marked on me. “Start the car.”
The engine rumbled awake. “Good,” he grinned, the light outside casting a grotesquely clear look of his sweaty pores. Something awful lingered in his breath—the foul musk of a rotten tooth. “Now drive.”
The gravity of the situation hit me all at once, a blast of fear obliterating everything else out of my system. My insides shook like the temperature had just plummeted.
I looked up at my own eyes in the rearview mirror. What I saw was undiluted fear and desperation, “Please,” I whimpered, “I’m sorry for what happened. I really am, man. Take the car, it’s yours, I won’t—”
The hand holding the pistol slammed the dash. “DRIVE!” he screamed in an almost forlorn bellow.
I dropped the gearshift into reverse. As the car’s backside turned and faced us toward the road, I shoved it to drive.
“Go west on the interstate,” the man said clicking in his seatbelt and gestured for me as well. How ironic.
We followed the dark slate of road and slid up the ramp of I-70, heading into the gloomy darkness of the westbound highway.
We drove in silence for some time, during which the tight panic in my chest had shifted to a hot anger. All this for a drink. Really? All this for a goddamned drink?
I’d dealt with angry drunks before. Hell, I thought that I’d dealt with the worst of them. But I’d seen nothing like this. This guy was an entirely new level; he was bat-shit insane.
I slipped a glance at him. His eyes were turned vaguely toward the road. I hated everything about him—his shape in my peripheral, the awful smells wafting off him, his oafish breathing through those whiskers.
Where were we going? What was going to happen when we get there?
Wherever it was, I was running out of time.
Hit the barrier, I thought, and grab the gun when it drops out of his hand. I was tempted, even commencing countdowns in my head to swerve off the road and blindly grab at him in the chaos. I eyed the orange needle of the speedometer, fluttering over seventy miles per hour. Bad idea.
This was not about to become a scene in an action flick for the unscathed hero. It was real life. And in real life bodies hesitate, fingers pull triggers, and both people die in a fiery car crash.
“Where are you taking me?” I finally asked, breaking the silence.
Instead of a response, I caught the dim, grubby shape of his profile as he flicked open a lighter.
Cigarette smoke wafted out of the mottled formations of his face, no open window for it to escape.
I guess he’d finally found someone to smoke with.
He instructed me to take the next exit and to merge on Highway 24, to follow the mountainside.
At one point, a set of headlights came from the opposite direction. I pushed on the accelerator, bringing the needle up to an illegal ninety, praying that it happened to be a cop ready to have us pulled over. My passenger didn’t seem to notice our gradual rise in speed.
As the car shot right by us, it was, unfortunately, a sedan, probably heading home to a safe, warm bed—a place I should be right now.
A wet belch sighed out of him, and he sucked it back in. Digested alcohol now joined the smells of cigarette tar and a decaying tooth. I prayed for him to vomit and for the vomit to clog up his throat and turn his face blue.
What did he want? To kill me? To demand a ransom for me? My head ached with the possibilities.
There had to be something I could do to get out of this.
“My son’s birthday is next week,” I lied, hoping some form of that would reach the sliver of humanity floating around him somewhere.
He exhaled out a puff of smoke, and that was all.
I kept pushing. “He wanted one of those small cars, the one you have to build the little plastic track for and everything. We were going to have a surprise party for him.”
“Slow down,” he blurted, signaling to an upcoming side road. “Turn here.”
As the road became a C-shaped flank along the mountain, the turn-off practically came out of nowhere.
Ahead of us, a large metal gate meant to block off the path had been left wide open. Someone had taken a pair of bolt cutters to the padlock securing it. Hanging off its side, a sign read in bold letters: Trespassers will be prosecuted.
The road twisted into an aspen-lined path and became much grittier and less kempt. Loose, rocky debris crunched under the tires, and a stray branch snapped like a femur bone. We maneuvered around a few large stones that had tumbled their way along the track.
Houses clad in deformed shingles and decrepit, sagging porches formed out of the darkness around us. Their walls had either crumbled entirely or were coated in elaborate graffiti. Rundown. Abandoned.
The old neighborhood sat in Terrance-like rows along the mountainside, now left to slump along its incline.
A ghost town, one of the many that littered Colorado’s terrain.
“Do you know this place?” Goat Beard asked, surveying the deserted homes himself.
I shook my head, not interested in doing anything else.
“I’ll give you a clue—silver boom of the 1800s, once at the dead center of all zinc and lead mining productions. Back then anyway…”
I wasn’t interested in answering him, and in response to my silence, he shook his rugged head, “Gilman! Come on bud, you don’t know your own state’s history?”
The sudden shift in his tone irked me greatly, like this kidnapping had become a friendly outing together. Fuck you, my thoughts grunted.
Without being prompted, Goat Beard continued, “In 1899, half the mining town was wiped out. The school, the iron-mask hotel, a shaft house—poof!” He flexed his fingers. “All lost to the fire.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
His drunken eyes found me again. “Do you know what the townsfolk did? They came together and rebuilt what was lost. Made it better. A tragedy made into a communion. Do you know what I mean?”
I didn’t answer.
“Forest fires—those are tragedies, right? Wrong. They clear out the dead litter, make room for new generations of growth. Thriving in the ashes. That is what we need, you know? That is what this cold, fuckin’ world needs.” He was slurring to himself more than to me now, “Men, woman, everyone out there prays to some distant God, crying for the angels to fly down and save us. But he is out of angels to send, so we must abide. We must make them.”
His gaze shifted, a bent smile forming in the scruff. “Thank you.” He almost wept. “Thank you for making me choose you.”
Truly, it was the sudden giddiness in his voice that scared me the most, like the very reason he’d drank himself half to death tonight had finally been resolved.
The neighborhood led us to the town area, where we passed by an old workshop, a sun-bleached garage, and two Gilman dump trucks, their sides plastered with ancient mud. From out of the cracks, weeds had pushed their way through the untended turf.
"We’re here. Stop,” Goat Beard snapped as he rolled down the window to flick out his cigarette.
We came to a stop before a large, boxy building. Though it was one of the many paint-flaking fossils surrounding us, this structure looked especially dismal. Its once-white coat was murky with age. The few windows that weren’t clouded with grime were entirely blown out, their bits of glass shimmering like teeth in the moonlight.
More graffiti lined its base in one of which sat the grey outline of a cat. And sprouting atop the structure’s roof sat a single cracked chimney.
“Shut it off,” Goat Beard ordered again, gesturing obnoxiously toward my keys and then grabbing them as I did so.
Out from the building’s dark entryway, a silhouette came.
My insides rippled with fear at the sight.
This was it, the end of our journey together. Of course, this would be the perfect place to make me disappear. Nobody would know, and even if someone found me, they’d only stumble upon my corpse, rotting like everything else in this toxic place.
I was done playing ball. This was going to end my way, not theirs.
As Goat Beard moved to open his side of the car, I snatched at his gun.
My fingers locked around his wrist and jerked to the side to spin the barrel away from me. Its nozzle smacked against the dashboard, but his grip remained locked tight around it.
I yanked again, harder this time, using whatever leverage I could muster in the tight, little space we were in.
The parts of his face still visible to me were screwed with anger.
“Son of a bitch!” he screamed, trying to wrestle my hands off of him, growling like an angry dog.
My thoughts were loud, screaming in a unified chorus: Take it, take it, take it! That is all I cared about, all I wanted in the world. To take it meant the end of this horrible night, to live through it.
I pried desperately at his grubby fingers, feeling them starting to break their hold.
As from out of nowhere, a calloused fist struck my face. Pressure filled the inside of my cheek and made it clench. His free hand struck again, even harder this time. My head flopped back, but my hands only clutched tighter.
The gun was almost out of his grip, almost in mine.
Then there was a sound behind me, and a pair of hands ripped me right out of the driver’s seat.
The underside of my legs scraped painfully across the gravel, and before everything stopped spinning, I was pinned on my stomach.
A broad knee dug between my shoulders. Something looped around my wrists and then bit into them as tight bracelets. Zip ties.
“Easy! Easy, guy,” a new voice spoke, infuriatingly calm.
I heard the passenger side close as Goat Beard bustled over to join whoever had a hold of me.
I spat and cursed at them, feeling sharp bits of grit push into my cheek.
“He’s a troublemaker,” Goat Beard jeered, hawking a gob of mucus on me.
My teeth ached and the blood was rushing to my left cheek, probably swelling like a balloon.
Without warning, the two men yanked me up to my knees, crammed something into my mouth, and slapped a streak of duct tape over my lips.
“That’ll put a muzzle on him,” Goat Beard chuckled, proud of himself.
The man who had just pushed his fingers into my mouth nodded. He was much taller, with a bristled frosty chin and a nose permanently bent to the side.
“Listen,” he spoke with that collected voice, “if you keep causing trouble, I will have to take this…” He held up a knife and pressed it up to my groin, “and unzip your sack. So, behave, huh?”
I stopped struggling at the sight of it.
Whatever they’d just shoved in my mouth rolled along my tongue. It felt like a tablet—some kind of drug, maybe. In no way was I going to swallow it, but that wouldn’t stop it from dissolving anyway.
“We need to hurry,” Goat Beard mumbled, to which Bent-Nose nodded and lead me into the wretched building.
Inside, they walked me down a short, cramped hallway.
The air I had to force in and out of my nostrils was stale and feverishly thick. Mold had built up and crawled down the wall from the ceiling, trailing along the cracks.
The interior of the room we entered resembled a kind of workshop, somewhat lit by a flashlight propped up on a table.
In its beam, someone else had their back to us. A hunching figure with a veiny bald head and a raw-hide coat that hung off his wiry frame.
He was dipping his fingers into what looked like a jar and smearing it in oval strokes on the wall, humming a hymn while he did so.
Piled along the left flank of the wall were heaps of worn medical equipment, pushed aside and left in a dusty pile.
Paper and negatives from an X-ray were littered all over the floor.
This was a hospital—or at least something along the lines of one.
Behind the mound of grimy equipment, a woman was hunched against the wall.
Her dark eyes peered up from the duct tape, cheeks creased with eye shadow, and her face sagging with the weight of hopelessness. As our eyes met, neither found comfort in the other.
I felt the urge to gag as the thing in my mouth melted into a bitter glaze. It tasted horrible.
“Are we ready?” Goat Beard asked from behind me, his gun pressed firmly into my spine.
“Almost,” Skinny replied, turning his pointy face toward us before returning to the thing he was creating. His wide eyes held a fierce intensity behind them.
Bent-Nose joined him, grabbing a jar of his own and streaking the same circled pattern over the next half of the room.
Dozens were on the walls—large red circles filled with six inner rings. Grayish chalky writing had been scribbled into them. Not words at all, but layers upon layers of gibberish all winding toward the sphere’s center.
They seemed like sigils, like ones you might find in a cult.
That explained Goat Beard’s crazy speak, but what was this, really? Our captors didn’t strike me as cultists with robes and hidden, hooded faces. They were more a gang of scruffy misfits showing off their toys.
I looked at the woman. Her eyes had gone elsewhere, swaying and wobbling around the room. Muffled, droning sounds buzzed behind the duct tape. She was on something, probably the same thing they’d forced-fed me. To keep us “muzzled.”
“Alright!” Skinny spoke excitedly, clapping his spattered hands. “Who should we start with?”
“Her,” Bent-Nose spoke, gesturing to the girl who continued to sway and teeter in her corner.
Skinny looked at the woman, and then blinked back at him with irritation, “What are you doing? Where are her restraints?”
Bent-Nose scoffed at him, “She’s high as a kite, wouldn’t even notice a fly on her face right now.”
“That isn’t the point,” Skinny snapped. “Do you want this to end up like the Moselys? Think!”
Musing on that, Bent-Nose fastened the cables over her wrists and yanked her off the ground, her bare feet dragging along the floor.
As she was laid in the center of the room, she rested whimsically on her back, putting up as much fight as a sex doll. He ripped the duct tape from her mouth before leaving her there.
A pause fell over the room, and then the men began to chant in unison. It swelled from their throats, pulling straight from the chest and meshing together into a low, prolonged baritone.
In the poor acoustics of the room, their voices bounced off the stained walls, gaining more volume with an unmistakable deep, powerful devotion.
Between their vocals, Skinny spoke out, straining his lungs into some gravel-throat language.
I was starting to feel clammy and prickly all over the place.
My mind focused on breathing—sucking in the awful fumes around me of body odor and decay.
As my heart pumped frantically, I tried to focus on its rhythm, tried to ignore the sounds of vibrating vocal cords rumbling my ears.
I forced down a swallow and breathed. The drug couldn’t be affecting me now, could it? This quickly?
The walls around us didn’t feel like walls anymore, but massive slabs of canvas coated in waxy circles. Awful art. Horrible, awful art.
The voices rose, heaving out their vocals even louder.
My leg muscles squeezed together, then relaxed, like taffy being rolled and stretched from a machine.
I wanted to sit down—to sit down and breathe. But as I started to drift downward, Goat Beard forcefully hoisted me back up again. I’d forgotten he was there.
“Are you feeling it? Are you feeling the good shit, yet?” His words trickled with them a warm, rotten breath.
Whatever harness keeping my thoughts together was loosening. I wanted to squeeze into one of the cracks around us, to sleep and make the bad world go away.
The walls started to move, puffing in and out in perfect tandem with my wheezing chest. In. Out. In. Out.
Even the sigils moved, shivering their waxy bodies with the dark chorus. Within them, the chalky figures danced and wriggled with such life I almost believed they each had their own pulse.
That was when I saw the fire.
It clawed over her, starting as a bluish ripple that quickly flared into a bright, savage red.
Even as the burst of heat rolled over my face, I didn’t think it was real. The men hadn’t ignited her—or doused her in anything—or even flicked a match. A hallucination, that’s it. I’m hallucinating, my mind pleaded, trying to grip its last fibers of that harness.
But the sound of her screaming was what made it real. She bucked and writhed beneath the flames, crying out for any of us to help her.
Smoke burrowed into my nostrils and bristled the back of my throat. I retched emptily into the duct tape and tried to pull away, only to be forced back toward her.
“Watch,” Goat Beard hissed, only stopping his chants to whisper into my ear, “Watch the angel shine.”
I could smell her hair burning. Her skin roasting.
Faces appeared around her, forming with the blaze and then in the same instant, rippled into the smog.
She screamed until her throat split and her echoes fell to a dry, breathless yowl.
The ties bounding her hands had finally snapped and released them to flail helplessly about.
All the while, the strident chants continued, feeding the inferno as it spat more pieces of her into the air.
They sang, they cheered, and as their shadows throbbed up and down the walls, I could swear those changed as well. Oily shapes with bodies contorted and torturously stretched into things not even remotely human.
Skinny stood the closest to the burning woman, both hands raised in sadistic glee over their living kindle. Just another man outside these walls, but here in the firelight, he looked like the devil.
Psychopaths. Monsters!
I fought in Goat Beards grip, jerking my head back to break his nose, kicking my feet backward toward his knees. I couldn’t stomach any more.
Something blunt struck the back of my head. I keeled over onto my knees. Even in a drugged-up daze, the static spreading around my skull told me I’d just been pistol-whipped.
The last of the strained cries finally crept from the woman’s throat as she succumbed to a crackling silence.
I thought she was finally gone, prayed for it even.
However, she convulsed once more, turning her stomach up and letting her head hang downward—now looking at me.
I saw her face clearly. Her skin resurfaced with blisters and curling raw patches. Her nose a mottled stump of white seared tissue. And the last remnants of her hair coiling against a ruined scalp.
Then her lips, which had dried to thin scabs, suddenly parted.
I expected another hellish scream to empty out of her, but it was something else—a warped laugh only possible with a throat full of charcoal. Laughing hysterically in an upside down-grimace.
Though no eyes were left in her sockets, I could feel their gaze swallow me up.
Stop, I whimpered internally, please stop looking at me.
Her suffering had ended, but in its place, something different had taken its place, clawing its way out of the burn.
The laughing seized as she struggled back to her feet, standing tall in the lashing flames. Fragments of clothing hung from her grizzled frame, fused to the skin.
The chorus of the men had stopped as they backed away from her, like lion tamers who had suddenly lost their whips.
She seemed to pay them no mind as her neck slowly swiveled around the room, eyeing up each of the hastily smeared sigils.
Her heels scraped against the floor as she chose one of them and gradually shambled toward it.
Upon reaching the crest, her body collapsed forward. A skull-rending crunch resounded from the impact and left her limply against it. Pieces of her torso—followed by everything else—began to fall away from her, dispersing in blackened particles.
The flames shrank and sputtered as more of her body broke down into fine-grained piles around her. Before long, she had crumbled to nothingness, a vague smear of her existence marred into the wall.
As the last of the embers fizzled in their ashes, the room returned to its heavy darkness.
“Beautiful!” Skinny cheered, looking like he’d just wiped away a tear, though it was probably to rub the sweat off his face. Those wide, intense eyes traveled to me, “One down, one to go.”
I looked once more at the crest on the wall, smothered by the left-over shape of a woman.
Then I was on the ground, staring up at the ceiling.
They’d left me in the same spot, peppered with her ashes. Beneath me, the scorched floor burned against my spine.
Goat Beard smiled as he tore the duct tape from my mouth. Why? So, they could hear me scream next?
My limbs had jellied into uselessness. Maybe from the fear, or maybe from whatever godforsaken substance they’d forced into my system.
Tears welled up in my eyes. I thought about my parents’ faces and the last time I’d seen them. I thought about my first bar gig, and how many times I had messed up the mixes.
An angry shout tried to tear out of my throat but was rasped short by how raw it had become.
I didn’t want to die. Not here, not in this demonic place.
When the chanting started again, I squeezed the tears shut, and prayed for my nerves to burn quickly.
Then the sounds stopped.
Silence stilled the room, save for a few scraping feet.
“What was that?” Bent-Nose spoke. “You hear that?”
“Go check it out,” Skinny ordered as a set of shoes pattered out of the room.
A few anxious mumbles passed between him and Goat Beard until a flurry of shouts rang from the hallway.
Both of them beat past me and ran toward the disturbance.
Something surged through my body—an electricity which kicked my limbs from their paralysis and back to working order.
I pulled my upper half from the ground and into a sitting position. Once my feet were under me, I got myself back to standing. Just being vertical again filled me with absolute joy.
The sounds from outside came as incoherent barks from the hall until they were silenced by a loud crack then two more in its place—gunshots.
I pulled my arms below my body and carefully lifted one leg at a time over my wrists, bringing them back to the front of me.
After that, I brought both over my head and threw them down into my stomach. The ties didn’t break. I tried again, raising them as high as I could. Break, you bastards, and slammed them down even harder.
The locking mechanism snapped, finally freeing my hands.
From behind the thin walls shuffling movements registered from the outside. “My ear!” a voice bellowed sounding very much like Goat Beard’s slurred speech, “Shot—my fuckin’ ear!”
Car doors opened and closed as an engine revved to life and an accelerator was depressed. They sped off, retreating from something.
As I twisted myself toward the exit, a man was now standing there, his gun pointed at me. “Stay away!” I screamed haggardly at him. “Stay the hell away from me!”
“Take it easy, I’m not one of them,” the man said lowering his weapon, a whole new face in the fray.
We stood at an impasse inside the acrid, unlit room. I wanted to believe he was my rescue, but my nerves were shot. The fact that things around me hadn’t stopped moving didn’t help.
His eyes scanned the workshop and settled on the human-shaped scar on the wall. A look of familiarity tensed his features. “Do you know where you are right now? Were you forced to come here?”
“Please,” I breathed, “just let me get out of this place.”
He nodded in agreement and led the way through the paint-flaking hallway.
The fresh night air prickled down my throat and coughed back out of me. I bent over and retched into the ground. The ashes were all over me, on my clothes, in my hair.
The stranger retreated from me, almost like he was expecting something to suddenly happen. When nothing did, he cautiously drew closer. “My name’s Tucker, can you tell me yours?”
“Peter,” I responded, blowing the remaining spittle off my lips. “Are you a cop?”
“I used to be.” He itched the back of his neck, then continued “I need you to tell me everything that happened here Peter, everything that you can remember. Can you do that for me?”
I looked up at him and rubbed the imprints dented into my wrists, “You aren’t going to believe any of it.”
The ex-officer then smiled, “Try me.”
submitted by Atrophied_Silence to DrCreepensVault [link] [comments]

2020.10.19 16:45 SultanaVerena Hidden sex new

I've spent years being in denial, not believing he was abusive, that everything was in some manner my fault, and that he was just being a horny jerk. But now, after many years past, an amazing therapist, and the supportiveness of my significant other and my family, I see the truth: he gaslighted me, punished me in petty manners when I didn't do what he wanted, flipped the truth on just about everything and always found a way to blame me, and worst of all, did not care for my consent to sex in several scenarios. Dare I say he must have preyed on the fact I was young and had already been abused before meeting him?
Warning: Graphic depictions of non-consentual sexual acts, significant age gaps
Heavily Summarized Background: When I was fresh into high school, I met a shy but nice and lovely boy on an MMORPG. His name was G, and he and I got close to each other quickly. Of course it was immature love, we were both very young, but we adored each other. However, at one point, the only member of his family that cared about him, his mother, died. He spiraled into depression, dropped out of high school, and began serial cheating on me. I wanted to break up with him, but he would threaten to harm my notorious reputation and turn my friends against me, and he absolutely would do it and did it many times. As he relied on Section 8 off his dead mother until it ran out and had no job, he eventually lost utilities and even the home. This gave me what I thought was a clear chance of escape. During one of these periods, I met a much older man on the same MMORPG, and we got along extremely well from the get-go. His name was S. We ended up dating, and when G managed to get back online, he found out and threatened me if I did not break up with S. I broke up with S out of fear, and played it off as though it was my decision and I didn't like him anymore when that wasn't the truth. But G lost internet again, and I went to S, pleading for forgiveness. This happened several more times until S realized I had an abusive partner and made me realize that. I finally broke it off, once and for all, with G. He reacted by posting my real-life information on 4Chan, which led to me getting harassed by emails, phone texts, calls, etc. S wanted to call the police but I told him no. Eventually G just shrugged off wanting me and then never bothered me anymore.
The Relationship with S: I had just turned 18 and was a senior in highschool at this point. I had been together with S, who was 22 or 23, since December or so. S wanted to meet me in real life and I asked my parents if he could. They agreed only if they meet him first. He drove over, they met and cleared him, and then he and I met (under their supervision). I feel horrible saying this but I already knew I was definitely not attracted to his appearance (he was anorexic but denied it), but seeing him in person was like a slap to the face in that regard. Nonetheless my stupid young self believed that you should love someone for their inner person - and we hugged and cried before hanging out. He lovebombed me the whole time he was here and I became mesmerized with that to the point I may as well have been frothing at the mouth as I was so desperate. He left, then visited again a few months later. He drove me to the beach and cried about how I'm so beautiful and asked me to marry him. I said yes. I was in absolute stupor. He drove me to a zoo an hour and a half away and then I began to start seeing red flags.
On the drive home, he stopped by a gas station that was absolutely shady and unsafe. I expressed to him that I did not feel safe here, and he shrugged it off saying, "Oh, you'll be fine, babe." I absolutely did not feel fine and I panicked the whole time, even with the car doors locked. Yet, he didn't care. He didn't bother to drive to another gas station even though he could have. He was showing a serious lack of empathy and put my life in danger.
He left, then visited again. Things took a turn for the worst. It was summer and I had no swimwear so I had to use my mother's which didn't fit me. The top came undone and he snatched it off me and swam off with it while laughing. I chased after him to get it back and he kept swimming off and laughing. I got pissed off but bit my tongue. He eventually gave it back and I put it on but he then pulled the cups down and laughed. I've genuinely never felt so fucking violated. I wanted to get a swimsuit that fit me, but I had serious body image issues and refused to do so without my mother present. However, we were stopping by Walmart and he said I should just find one now. I told him no, that I need my mother to help me size it and make sure it looks good. He got pissed off at me about that, yelled at me, and road raged to my house with me in the car, scaring me and putting my life in danger. When we got home, I ran out of his car and rushed for the door into the house. I believe he meant to grab me but he ended up pushing me instead. I raced into my bathroom, locked the door, and cried my eyes out. He banged on the door apologizing and demanding to come in. He broke into the bathroom to hug me and apologize when what I needed was to be away from him. Another day we ate at Panera and I have severe social anxiety so I was too anxious to get up to get another meal. I asked him if he could, and he snapped at me to get it myself because I'm a grown-ass woman. I just... Sat and stared in shock. He had not a sliver of empathy in him - not one. He eventually gave his trademark mixture of a sigh and groan - which soon becomes a common occurrence - and got it for me.
This is the point where I believe we started having regular sex. I was not on birth control because I was incorrectly under the impression it didn't do shit for my horrendously painful periods, so we used condoms. It always, and I mean always, hurt. He was never rough with me - it just hurt! He was "well-endowed" and kept hitting my cervix. I told him and he didn't bother trying to resolve that... Aside from trying different positions, all of which didn't work as I'm not flexible and actually ended up hurting more. I wanted to enjoy it but I dreaded it each and every time we did it.
One day he was fingering me and I started to notice one of his fingers were sneaking inside my asshole. I told him to stop and he said he wasn"t doing it, and he didn't stop. I absolutely knew he was trying to do it, it was not a mistable feeling, and I again told him to stop. He snapped at me that he wasn't doing it. I made him stop altogether.
One night, at 4am, I woke up to him pulling my panties down and sliding himself between my thighs and crotch. I freaked out and told him to quit. He did, but only for a second, then kept going. I told him, again, to quit. He stopped, again, for a second, and then kept going. I felt him begin trying to get inside me and I finally hit him and told him to fucking stop. He FINALLY stopped. I wanted to cry.
Another day we were doing the deed. He was going rather rough, I was sucking up the pain I felt and pretended I loved it so he would be happy. And just. The worst thing happened. I'm staunchly childfree and I recently got sterilized. I have severe tokophobia. He pulled out, and it turned out the condom broke and he came inside me. I freaked out very badly. He then said, "I knew something was different." Well shit, you didn't think you should have fucking checked? Seriously?! I was in full panic and denial and kept asking if he came inside me. He didn't really answer and then had the fucking nerve to start fingering me.
I was MORTIFIED. But I was also in so much shock I didn't call him out on it.
I demanded he get off. Demanded we get Plan B. He didn't seem to be in much of a hurry for someone who is supposedly also childfree. We got the pill and I, who struggles with swallowing pills, had never swallowed one so damn fast in my life. But looking back on this incident, I feel like there was hidden reproductive coercion going on. I feel like maybe he wanted to babytrap me.
After this absolute disaster of a trip, he offered to have me come visit him for a weekend. I agreed and packed. The next day I had a huge panic attack and changed my mind. My mother was weirded out by how severely I reacted. He was pissed off and left in a bitter mood. I began to realize he's absolutely not the one for me. Things were not good when he got home and played with me online. He was bitter, distant, and starting to get close with a long-term best friend of mine. I called it out for what it was - he was emotionally cheating on me with her. I made him cut contact, which made him more bitter, and made my best friend hate me.
Everything was falling apart. My whole life was shattering. I became severely depressed. He was beginning to say mean and degrading things to me. He kept making snarky and petty remarks to me. "Did I stutter?" was his favorite. His friends all hated me because he spoke badly of me to them. I felt alone and trapped. I think he sensed this and sensed that I wanted out. He began moneybombing me. He bought me everything he could and even went into debt. I naturally wanted more of it, because I thought it meant he would change and wanted me, but in the end I felt sorely guilty for him spending so much. Why should I leave him if he does that? Then he started holding it over my head. "I always buy you x, y, and z, start being more grateful." He began gaslighting me. Blamed me for all the problems we had. Twisted the truth, made me out to be a liar and horrible person. And my fucking stupid ass believed him.
He visited, again. He brought a sex toy with him to give me. I was on my period and tried it out with him there. He really wanted to have sex. I told him no, I'm on my period, and I always hurt when we screw. He literally ignored me and put on a condom. I told him no, and he gave his trademark groan-sigh and yelled at me. At this point he was beginning to really piss me off. Said trip was short. We never had sex. At one point I went to Longhorn with him and had to keep checking my phone. His grown ass literally texted my mom complaining about that and she texted me asking what was up his ass. I glared at him and asked, "Seriously? Are you fucking kidding?" He shrugged and told me to stop looking at my phone. It was a silent lunch and drive home.
He left. Things got very bad online. He was an absolute and utter asshole to me. He degraded me every day, gaslighted me, always made everything out to be my fault. I started fighting back, because I was sick and tired of being his bitch of a doormat. I finally broke up with him because I was sick and tired of him abusing me. He was the source of significant negativity in my life. G and I caught up and dated for a while, and while G was not abusive anymore, he was really neglectful. He broke his hand and his job fired him over it. I covered his rent so he had a chance to heal and find a new job. I literally paid his rent in exchange for more of his attention.
This is where I really fucked up. I was unhappy with G but still fearful of his reaction if I broke up with him. S wanted to work things out. I ended up cheating on G with S. It was absolutely not the right thing to do and I feel very remorseful for it, especially as somebody who has been cheated on several times over. S came to visit for a day. We ate lunch at Ruby Tuesday and went to the park. I should note that S was perfectly aware I was still with G. He was 100% ansolutely aware. I literally talked about how I wished G would change. S made a snarky remark saying I sound like a beaten wife. Ironic as hell coming from someone like him who did far more damage than G. Of course G found out, but reacted calmly, however S decided to go to G and shit on me in the process, acting like he didn't know. Again, ironic for someone who knew I was abused, and who knew the whooooooole time that I was still with G. Yet, in the end, it turned out to be a "who will win the girl" brawl and S won. G didn't really care and had a lot of other things going on in his life so we broke up mostly cleanly and mutually. He also said it was a taste of his own medicine since he cheated on me so much and wished me the best in life. He acted like it was fine, as if it were karma. That never sat right with me. He had every right to hate me for cheating on him.
S and I had a very damn rough going for a few more months. He then began ghosting me. I wanted him to try out another MMORPG with me and I did manage this but he was incredibly distant. Well he was always just leaving my messages on read and not really talking to me... So I made friends. I got an outfit I really wanted and dyed it a certain color. Literally an hour later I met another player with the same outfit and color. This player's name is M. He and I talked and laughed about the outfits but somehow got into a scientific discussion. As someone who was always a closet science lover, I was ecstatic. M and I became friends and would spend hours nerding out on science. S continued to mostly ghost me. I tried to introduce S to M but S didn't like M for some reason.
I spent a majority of my time with M and I kind of fell really hard on my face for M. He was handsome, kind, intelligent, very mature for his age (he was still a pre-adult at this point). I found out S had been cheating the entire time he was ghosting me. I got pissed off at him for it and kind of finally had my big blow-out explosion from all the things I had wanted to finally have the bravery to say. He played it off as though I was gunna go sexy it up with M when, though we were attracted to each other, we didn't engage in such a thing. I tried to work it out with S just a bit longer and he knew M and I were so close we may as well be dating. He threatened to tell M I was "cheating on him with S" when we weren't even dating, unless I told him myself. I had a very long talk with M about S, who finally admitted he only ever liked me for sex, and M supported me but did not want to pursue anything until S was absolutely done with. This is the point I officially told S to take a hike and enjoy his new girlfriend who I knew was extremely hung up on her ex boyfriend.
I still did not pursue M because I really wanted to flatten out my feelings and trauma first and I liked him so much I did not want to rush into it which I had a terrible habit of doing. But... It is what it is, we ended up together. M was just such an amazing person, and I wasn't looking at him with rose-tinted glasses either. Though he was not a good listener and a jerk for some time, he was supportive, understanding, patient - every good quality one could think of. I am still with M to this day and I am so happy. We are nearing our fifth year together. I love him so much. He's so intelligent, so thoughtful, so everything. He supported me when I switched from art to biology. He supported me in my worst of times. He puts very genuine effort into working on resolving any issues in our relationship. He, unlike all my exes who I only sexually engaged for their sake, turns me the fuck on and makes sure that the end goal is that I get pleasured. He and I have very aligned views, opinions, interests, and hobbies. He is childfree, for real, and got his vasectomy earlier this year. He is the real deal.
Unfortunately, I don't think S will ever let me go. Mutual friends have been and still do tell me he is depressed and misses me, or asks for updates on me, things of that sort. He's managed to hassle a mutual friend for my Discord tag and friended me. I, not being a bitter person, accepted. We caught up. Nothing has changed for him. He is as depressed as I remember, complains about everything while giving up after one failed attempt, still thinks I am the one at fault for our explosive relationship (he even dared say I abused him, WTF), and still made degrading remarks. Nonetheless it became clear after a while that he wanted to be more than friends. He also caught me during a relationship bump and that probably raised his hopes. I tried to be friendly but the undertone I saw bothered me. I consulted my boyfriend, who was aware the entire time that S had friended me, and asked if he saw the same undertone. He said yes, it's blatantly clear. I unfriended S, because I refuse to let him wish and hope, and since then, he hasn't bothered me. But I know he still asks about me. He probably even knows this Reddit account. He will even read this post I am sure.
And to that, I'll write him a message: I hope that one day you will finally change and mature enough to be able to look back on our relationship and understand just how much you did wrong and that I was set up for failure from the beginning, much like you were. You chose to date me when I hadn't healed from my trauma, when I still was immature and vulnerable, and yet you didn't ever try to step back and give me a time to heal and grow nor did you ever press me to seek therapy. Instead you ultimately ended up adding very significant levels of damage to my life. You need to look in the mirror and see yourself for who you really are and finally admit that you absolutely can be and in fact are wrong, and instead of just accepting it, CHANGE IT. Seek help. Go to therapy. And for the love of God, don't date another woman until you finally change. I want you to have a happy life and find what you want in it, but you can't do that when you are like this. You will always fail in the end if you don't finally do some self-care. I hope my words help but I also know that they probably won't mean anything. Do what you want. Also, I don't want an apology, so please don't send one. There is nothing you can say to me that will ever be something I am willing to accept in exchange for forgiveness. I want this post to be my liberation and freedom from that terrible time in my life of which I finally want to let go of and forget. Do not contact me anymore and stop talking about me with our mutual friends. Let. Me. Go.
TL;DR: I explain, in detail, my story with my second abuser and how I've come to realize (thanks to an amazing therapist, my significant other, and my family) that there were a lot of non-consentual sex acts and that I was manipulated into thinking I was the problem in the relationship. I wrote this post to finally let the past go.
submitted by SultanaVerena to abuse [link] [comments]

2020.10.19 01:20 BillCoffe139 New sex hidden

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2020.10.18 19:25 OliviaEdwardHere Hidden sex new

By Jed Diamond Ph.D
How many times have we heard the phrase, “All men want is sex?” When I was 17 years old I was sure it was true. When I was 37 years old, I suspected it might not be true. And now that I’m 73 years old, I know it’s not true. Now don’t get me wrong, sex can be wonderful at any age, but there’s something that is more important than sex, but it’s something that men have difficulty admitting and women have difficulty giving.
This understanding has dawned on me slowly and became most evident to me in my men’s group. I’ve been meeting regularly with six other guys for thirty-eight years and sex has been a topic that has run through our discussions over the years. Like all guys, we are somewhat competitive and we all want to be seen as successful, but we also have learned to be honest with each other. We not only talk about our sexual successes, but also our failures, fears, and confusions.
From the time I was young I learned that wanting sex was synonymous with being a man. In high school, I remember overhearing a girl I liked talking about a guy we both knew. She wasn’t complaining that he was preoccupied with sex, but that he “didn’t come on to me like other guys do.” She went on to tell her girlfriend, “He’s not being very manly.” The message was clear, “real men” want sex and if you don’t “come on” to a girl, you’re not a real man.
This early lesson was validated through the years: Always wanting sex is the mark of manliness for many. It’s better to be turned down again and again and be seen as a jerk who is totally preoccupied with sex than to want something more than sex and be seen as “less than a man.”
So, what do men want more than sex? We’ve all heard that women need to feel loved to have sex, but men need to have sex to feel loved. Let’s look more deeply at what it is exactly that men are getting when they get sex. Sure, there is the physical pleasure, but there is a deeper need that is being satisfied. I call it the need for a safe harbor.
The world of men is a world of competition. On the most basic level, males compete with other males for access to the most desirable females. Males make the advances and females decide which males they will accept. Sure, in modern times these roles are less rigid than they once were, but for the most part, whether we’re peacocks or people, we strut our stuff and hope it’s good enough to get us chosen by the woman we go after.
Getting taken into her body gives us a sense of peace and homecoming that goes way beyond simple sexual pleasure. Of course, I’m talking about heterosexual men here. There’s a similar dynamic in the gay world, but here I’ll focus on men and women.
Many of us remember the early school dances we attended. If you wanted to hold a girl in your arms, you had to make the long walk across the room with everyone watching and ask the girl to dance. If she accepted, you were in heaven. If she refused you were in hell. The key here is that you must make yourself vulnerable to rejection to hold and be held by a girl.
By the time we become adults, we’ve already been battered and bruised by the world of competition and rejection. We long for that safe harbor where we don’t have to pretend to be something we’re not in order to be chosen. We long for someone who sees us for who we are and wants us anyway, who can hold us and touch, not just our body, but our hearts and souls.
“Always wanting sex” is part of the male persona we wear to show we’re manly. What we really want is a safe harbor where we can take refuge, relax, and be cared for. In other words, we want the feeling of being nurtured that most of us didn’t get enough of when we were children. But admitting these needs makes us feel like little boys, not big strong men. Better to be manly with our sexual desire and then once we’re inside her body, we can relax, be ourselves, and be infused with love. That’s the hidden desire we have when we have sex.
One of the things I love getting from my wife, Carlin, is to lay in her lap and have my scalp rubbed. This is one, wonderful, safe harbor. I don’t need to have sex in order to have this need satisfied. I just have to ask for it. Here, I’m being touched deeply, accepted completely. I don’t have to perform or prove myself. I just must be willing to be deeply vulnerable.
Just as it’s difficult for men to ask to be held, nurtured, and touched; it’s often difficult for women to give that kind of intimacy. There are three main reasons, which are often subconscious:
First, women have their own conditioning about men being men. If he doesn’t want sex, they worry that they may not be attractive enough.
Second, a man wanting to be held and nurtured triggers feelings that they are dealing with a boy, not a man. I can’t tell you how many clients I have who say things like “It’s like I’ve got three children in the house. There are our two sons, and then there’s my husband.” Women want a man but worry they have another little boy.
Third, women fear men who don’t feel manly. They know that the most violent men are men who feel weak and powerless. They’ve often had experiences of men allowing themselves to be gentle and vulnerable, only to have them respond with anger and rage later.
It takes a lot of time and maturity for men to admit to themselves that they need a safe harbor where they can be nurtured and embraced by a woman. It takes a lot of courage to let his woman know he may want sex, but more important is his need for security, love, and nurture. It requires a level of wisdom to know that allowing ourselves to be as vulnerable as a child may be the manliest thing a man can do.
For a woman, she must also go beyond her own conditioning and be open to a man who is making himself vulnerable in new ways. She must have a great deal of self-love and self-confidence to accept being a safe harbor. She must also have the strength to protect herself when his shame at being vulnerable turns to anxiety, anger, or depression. It isn’t easy for men and women to take these kinds of risks, but the payoff is a life-time of deepening love and intimacy.
SexyRelationship Join us here
submitted by OliviaEdwardHere to romance [link] [comments]

2020.10.18 18:49 OliviaEdwardHere Hidden sex new

By Jed Diamond Ph.D
How many times have we heard the phrase, “All men want is sex?” When I was 17 years old I was sure it was true. When I was 37 years old, I suspected it might not be true. And now that I’m 73 years old, I know it’s not true. Now don’t get me wrong, sex can be wonderful at any age, but there’s something that is more important than sex, but it’s something that men have difficulty admitting and women have difficulty giving.
This understanding has dawned on me slowly and became most evident to me in my men’s group. I’ve been meeting regularly with six other guys for thirty-eight years and sex has been a topic that has run through our discussions over the years. Like all guys, we are somewhat competitive and we all want to be seen as successful, but we also have learned to be honest with each other. We not only talk about our sexual successes, but also our failures, fears, and confusions.
From the time I was young I learned that wanting sex was synonymous with being a man. In high school, I remember overhearing a girl I liked talking about a guy we both knew. She wasn’t complaining that he was preoccupied with sex, but that he “didn’t come on to me like other guys do.” She went on to tell her girlfriend, “He’s not being very manly.” The message was clear, “real men” want sex and if you don’t “come on” to a girl, you’re not a real man.
This early lesson was validated through the years: Always wanting sex is the mark of manliness for many. It’s better to be turned down again and again and be seen as a jerk who is totally preoccupied with sex than to want something more than sex and be seen as “less than a man.”
So, what do men want more than sex? We’ve all heard that women need to feel loved to have sex, but men need to have sex to feel loved. Let’s look more deeply at what it is exactly that men are getting when they get sex. Sure, there is the physical pleasure, but there is a deeper need that is being satisfied. I call it the need for a safe harbor.
The world of men is a world of competition. On the most basic level, males compete with other males for access to the most desirable females. Males make the advances and females decide which males they will accept. Sure, in modern times these roles are less rigid than they once were, but for the most part, whether we’re peacocks or people, we strut our stuff and hope it’s good enough to get us chosen by the woman we go after.
Getting taken into her body gives us a sense of peace and homecoming that goes way beyond simple sexual pleasure. Of course, I’m talking about heterosexual men here. There’s a similar dynamic in the gay world, but here I’ll focus on men and women.
Many of us remember the early school dances we attended. If you wanted to hold a girl in your arms, you had to make the long walk across the room with everyone watching and ask the girl to dance. If she accepted, you were in heaven. If she refused you were in hell. The key here is that you must make yourself vulnerable to rejection to hold and be held by a girl.
By the time we become adults, we’ve already been battered and bruised by the world of competition and rejection. We long for that safe harbor where we don’t have to pretend to be something we’re not in order to be chosen. We long for someone who sees us for who we are and wants us anyway, who can hold us and touch, not just our body, but our hearts and souls.
“Always wanting sex” is part of the male persona we wear to show we’re manly. What we really want is a safe harbor where we can take refuge, relax, and be cared for. In other words, we want the feeling of being nurtured that most of us didn’t get enough of when we were children. But admitting these needs makes us feel like little boys, not big strong men. Better to be manly with our sexual desire and then once we’re inside her body, we can relax, be ourselves, and be infused with love. That’s the hidden desire we have when we have sex.
One of the things I love getting from my wife, Carlin, is to lay in her lap and have my scalp rubbed. This is one, wonderful, safe harbor. I don’t need to have sex in order to have this need satisfied. I just have to ask for it. Here, I’m being touched deeply, accepted completely. I don’t have to perform or prove myself. I just must be willing to be deeply vulnerable.
Just as it’s difficult for men to ask to be held, nurtured, and touched; it’s often difficult for women to give that kind of intimacy. There are three main reasons, which are often subconscious:
First, women have their own conditioning about men being men. If he doesn’t want sex, they worry that they may not be attractive enough.
Second, a man wanting to be held and nurtured triggers feelings that they are dealing with a boy, not a man. I can’t tell you how many clients I have who say things like “It’s like I’ve got three children in the house. There are our two sons, and then there’s my husband.” Women want a man but worry they have another little boy.
Third, women fear men who don’t feel manly. They know that the most violent men are men who feel weak and powerless. They’ve often had experiences of men allowing themselves to be gentle and vulnerable, only to have them respond with anger and rage later.
It takes a lot of time and maturity for men to admit to themselves that they need a safe harbor where they can be nurtured and embraced by a woman. It takes a lot of courage to let his woman know he may want sex, but more important is his need for security, love, and nurture. It requires a level of wisdom to know that allowing ourselves to be as vulnerable as a child may be the manliest thing a man can do.
For a woman, she must also go beyond her own conditioning and be open to a man who is making himself vulnerable in new ways. She must have a great deal of self-love and self-confidence to accept being a safe harbor. She must also have the strength to protect herself when his shame at being vulnerable turns to anxiety, anger, or depression. It isn’t easy for men and women to take these kinds of risks, but the payoff is a life-time of deepening love and intimacy.
SexyRelationship Join us here
submitted by OliviaEdwardHere to psychologyofsex [link] [comments]