There’s Help for Women Who Can’t Achieve Orgasm. Having difficulty achieving an orgasm is normal for many woman, but with the proper help it can be attained. Therapy can help some women having difficulty with orgasm. For others, a medical condition or side effects from a medication may be causing the problem. Visit your doctor to rule out these causes. Women who have trouble reaching orgasm are almost always told to "just relax." But sex therapist Louanne Cole Weston, PhD, says that can be the wrong approach. "Muscle tension is often necessary ... 5. How Others Perceive Your Relationships is Irrelevant to You. A strong emotional connection will destroy any concern that might come from other people’s judgments.If there’s something with your partner, something special, something that you recognize as unique, nobody else’s opinion will matter. Whether your parents, friends, or best friends agree with your relationship or not, that ... SHARE. TWEET. EMAIL. THE BASICS. ... I feel that medication or a medical condition interferes with having an orgasm. ... individuals and couples can address psychological and emotional issues, ... Fahs, B. “Coming to Power: Women’s Fake Orgasms and Best Orgasm Experiences Illuminate the Failures of (Hetero)sex and the Pleasures of Connection,” Culture, Health, and Sexuality (2014) 16:974. The main female sexual problem, simply stated, is that many women don’t have orgasms or have difficulty reaching orgasm. Ninety-five percent of women who aren’t having orgasms are actually pre-orgasmic: they are capable of orgasm, but they need help learning how to achieve orgasm. Because every woman is different, there are no perfect tips on […] What is orgasmic dysfunction? Orgasmic dysfunction is a condition that occurs when someone has difficulty reaching orgasm. This difficulty occurs even when they’re sexually aroused and there’s... Now that I've learned a whole lot more about how female orgasm works, I understand that this was an unrealistic expectation, especially for my very first orgasm with a partner. When you're having intercourse, you're mostly getting stimulation in your vagina, and the reality is that vaginas just do not have a lot of nerve endings.
2020.10.20 06:11 NiceZorm Masturbate with live girls
TL;DR I frequently can't cum while having sex. Skip to the fourth to last paragraph for potential reasons I guess.
So some backstory, I'm a 30 year old male. I lost my virginity in january of this year, and since I've had sex with 3 different partners, the third of which I am currently in a relationship with. Dont ask me why it took me getting to age 30 to finally get my shit together, Im a weirdo.
Anywhoo, in the almost year that I've been having sex, I've always kind of had issues cumming. The first girl I had sex with a couple times and couldn't cum either time, but I chalked that up to the fact that I wasnt really physically attracted to her, nor did I share a connection with her. It was a pretty short lived thing that IMO moved too fast, I was kind of just swept up with finally being with someone. Only a few weeks before I broke it off.
The second girl I was with for about a month, I was attracted to her, we had sex maybe 6-7 times. I couldn't cum the first time, but then the following few times I did, it took me a while, but I would cum. Then I felt myself kind of realizing that I didnt really have feelings for her, the last time I think we had sex I didnt cum. Things kind of came to a point and I ended the relationship a few days later. I chalked not being able to cum with not really sharing an emotional connection with her.
So now I am with my current partner. I am extremely attracted to this girl, she's by far the cutest and most attractive person I have been with, she's very sexy and knows how to turn me on. I also feel a great emotional connection with her. I really enjoy being around her, we have great chemistry, she makes me happy.
So anyway, The first time we had sex I couldn't cum, but I've read that that is not particularly uncommon, so at this point whatever. We've now had sex about 7 or 8 times, and I've cum I believe 4 of those times. When I have cum with her its been pretty quickly, like less than 5 minutes. Every time I've cum it's been me spooning her on my couch. Its a good position, I find it pretty hot. (but there have also been a couple times we've done this position where I couldn't cum) One time she spent the night, we had sex that night, and in the morning, and neither time I could cum, and I even had difficulty staying hard for some reason. It was completely perplexing. I was very aroused both times when we began having sex. I feel like she is doing a great job, she's vocal, communicates what feels good, gets lost in the moment, it doesnt seem like any issue with her at all.
So I'm wondering what the heck my deal is. I guess things I could point to are 15-odd years of being alone and masturbating, so I just have to get used to sex? I guess one thing I should say, that is kind of a pat on the ol' back- each partner I've been with has had pretty rave reviews about my performance...I guess I'm a quick learner ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ . I am also blessed in size downstairs praise jesus. So my partners have always been plenty happy with things. I am very interested in them having a good time, I think the idea of getting them off is really hot to me.
Anyway, one thing to note with my current relationship is that I've almost completely stopped masturbating. This has always kind of been a trend for me when I start seeing a girl, not really sure why but I just feel like I want to "save it" for them. I feel like that should help things along but maybe it doesn't.
I also feel like I have difficulty being in the moment while having sex. I find my thoughts drifting- "I wonder if she's just pretending to enjoy this" "my stomach is gurgling" "I probably look so dumb right now" etc. I've always had trouble taking myself seriously in all facets of life. But the weird part is I feel like whenever I go into sex really raring to go and "in it", thats when I have difficulty cumming??? Also, I've always used a condom when having sex, none of my partners have been on birth control, I did a little research into condoms that feel good for a guy, and I feel like the ones I use are pretty decent. I tried masturbating with one of those condoms on and came pretty easily, so I dont think its the condom.
Sorry for the word vomit, I dont really have concise thoughts on this, but I'm so tired of having to deal with this, not being able to cum just makes an otherwise fantastic experience feel so empty and awkward at the end. Blarg.
submitted by NiceZorm to sex [link] [comments]
2020.10.19 23:23 MetaNemesis Masturbate with live girls
So I am 35yrs old 350 lbs. 5'2 and I still live with my parents. I have never been with nor dated a girl my entire life. The only sexual experience I have is from watching porn and masturbating. I do suffer from depression and anxiety so that doesn't help with trying to even talk or meet a girl. I feel like I will probably end up like the 40yr old virgin. No I do not want to lose my virginity through a prostitute or escort. I would rather lose it to someone I love and I know that probably sounds cheesy but it's the truth. To me it will feel like a much better experience if you lose your virginity to someone you love rather to someone you just pay sex for. I will admit I don't masturbate as much as I used to which isn't so bad really especially at my age. I just really hope I meet someone some day and lose it to them. I know this is short but that's the story.
submitted by MetaNemesis to virgin [link] [comments]
2020.10.19 20:26 Sad-man34 Masturbate with live girls
Bear with me for this wall of text Im [M25] living with my partner [F26] for a couple of years now and we broke up coz we both thought we’re cheating. She has a project that and she needs to leave town for a week but she use to date her boss so that’s enough reason for me to get uncomfortable but I didn’t stop her since its been years and we’re all good now, not to mention his ex/boss is now married then she sent me a nude from her hotel room but i saw in the corner of her photo is boxer shorts and i grew suspicious i was so mad i slam my hand on the table and my phone slipped end up braking my screen so now i cant even call her the whole day it was vibrating like someone is calling but i i tried to answer but i don’t think the touch screen works anymore i grew more anxious thinking about it then around 9pm her boss’s wife came to drop some stuff (work at home stuff for my gf) and i talked to her about what i saw and she immediately agreed to me knowing they both have past and i end up inviting her in and we started drinking she told me she’s always been suspicious about them, one thing led to another and we started making out but my senses came back and i stoped her from taking my clothes off a little awkward but we continued drinking till we pass out, next morning I woke up with my gf hysterically throwing all the stuff she can grab, my gf cut her trip worried coz I didn’t message or call her the whole day to end up seeing me sleeping with her boss’s wife (we are sleeping in separate couch) i was so mad that she has the audacity to be mad and acts like she did nothing wrong i told her of what i saw and she told me she was masturbating with my own underwear and thats what i saw in the picture and she confirms it and all my senses came back to me so explained myself but she didn’t believe me she called her boss and told him about it then on that day i got my phone repaired she called my late night and send me a picture of her and her boss in one bed, this all happened yesterday i don’t know what to do anymore it hurts so bad i wanna fucking kill myself i cant believe this happened to me i dont even know who to blame i wanna die right now
TL;DR I thought my girl was cheating I went to seek comfort from others then she thought she caught me cheating so she ends up sleeping with that other dude
submitted by Sad-man34 to dating [link] [comments]
2020.10.19 19:47 snoopy_the_dog78 Masturbate with live girls
I've been dating my girlfriend for 3 years. When our relationship first started we had sex all the time, multiple times a day. We were both fairly sexually inexperienced, so we explored sex with each other. One thing that was different from my relationship with her vs other girls was that we never make out for very long. I don't really know why that is, and in some of my other relationships we would make out for hours. Part of me is worried this was the first sign that we are missing sexual compatibility, but then again, we had a lot of sex.
Over the past many months (probably about 8), my sexual desire for my girlfriend is pretty much non existent. I have a really high libido and want sex frequently, but I don't really get turned on by her anymore, and either go without sex, or masturbate. I'm not really the type of guy who would seek out casual sex and I try to conduct myself in a way that's not lustful. So while I do fantasize about girls other than my girlfriend pretty frequently, it's not something I would act on whether I was single or not. I have noticed that she has put on a little bit of weight, but I would not consider her fat or anything like that, and I find her very cute, but I'm not sure I am sexually attracted to her anymore.
We're in a weird living situation for our age because her family kind of fell apart and she didn't really have anywhere to live, so she moved in with me and my family. Were both college students, and I was away from my house for most of last year at school, but she still lived there, but now, due to covid, we're both back at my parents house.
One concern I have is that we simply spend far too much time together and this might be a source of the lack of attraction, but another part of me thinks I was experiencing this problem but at a far lesser extent even when we were apart.
We broke up a few months ago for a few days due to this, but I was somewhat vague and basically told her I wasn't sure we were sexually compatible and that was a big deal to me, and it's especially tough to know because I have so little experience, and that if we aren't sexually compatible it might be in both of our best interests to be with people we are compatible with on all levels. Initially she agreed with me, but we kept talking and a few days later she really wanted to get back together and I was in a pretty vulnerable position and agreed. Looking back I wish I gave it a little more time.
I tried telling her that we need to spend less time together, but that hasn't really happened, and the sexual attraction problems have only gotten worse. I'd rather masturbate than have sex with her, and I feel bad because I want her to feel desired and sexy, but I just don't really desire her sexually. Part of me thinks this is the natural course for a male in a LTR due to evolutionary biology, but this is also the only LTR I've been in.
Sometimes I feel like breaking up with her for good would be best, but then she'll come home from work or something and just be so nice and supportive, and such a great girlfriend, and it makes me think I was an idiot for thinking about breaking up. She is truly a wonderful person and the kindest and sweetest girl I've met thus far in my life. I don't want to take her amazing qualities for granted, but I'm worried the sexual issues are insurmountable. I would love to make the relationship work, but sometimes I feel like there's nothing either of us can do for me to gain sexual attraction towards her, and that it's just gone now.
submitted by snoopy_the_dog78 to DeadBedrooms [link] [comments]
2020.10.19 18:37 dontwannacare Masturbate with live girls
One of my earliest memories is being molested. I remember the cold light of the closet in which I was told to get undressed in. I remember the Barbie blanket they covered my body with. And I remember my brother sitting on a stool my mother had reupholstered and feeling safe because he was there.
I must have been three or four, my brother four and a half years older than me, and his friend the same age. Within the same time capsule of my mind, I recall two other memories that included the both of them: the friend rewinding the same scene in Happy Gilmore of Happy making out with a woman clad in lingerie, and the three of us exclaiming at a porn ad on the computer of how ridiculous it was. What the order of these events was, I'm not really sure, just that at some point, this boy was on top of me, and as a naive little girl, I complied with my brother and his friend.
Growing up, these memories were always fact to me. I was not traumatized, in the strict definition, because I was too young to know what had happened. I did not have panic attacks in the middle of the night in recollection of these events, nor did I think to tell anyone. I did not hate my brother, because I did not know that he had done something wrong. The greatest which these memories left me, was the seeming impression of pleasure on my body, and the shame of masturbating at such a young age.
I don't remember what he did, because children cannot remember what they do not yet understand--at least that is how it was for me. Did he touch me, did he penetrate or just hump me? Maybe my masturbating at such a young age was simply the result of my being already been born dirty, than dirtied by another process. To me, the unclear memory made those two connections unclear. I assumed my being tainted led me to masturbating, but what if that wasn't the case? What if I was just a disgusting human being?
Strangely enough, this battle of shame was more traumatizing than the act itself. I didn't know masturbation was bad, but I didn't want to be caught. It wasn't until I attended church regularly that I became attuned to this sense of shame, when I was listening to sermons and bible studies of how masturbation was sinful, abstinence was pure, don't date anyone until you're perfect and one with God... and these things I took seriously.
It kind of fucks you up as a preteen when you're told that the thing you've been doing for years but didn't know what it was is actually a sin and filthy. Well, fuck then I must be a dirty abomination in the eyes of God. Thus began years of overcompensation and an obsession with perfectionism, which of course led to my crippling depression and suicidal ideation.
And you know what all these Christian pastors and counselors always asked me when I was depressed? If I had sinned. Followed by if I had any history of sexual assault. In their eyes, being tainted led me to sinning, and because of my sin I had to ask God for forgiveness. Still depressed after asking God for forgiveness? Well then, you must now repent for your unbelief. If you truly believed in God, then He would have healed you. Therefore, you aren't believing enough in God, and your faithlessness is manifesting itself in your depression.
Masturbation and unbelief is sin, and sin was the reason for my depression. Therefore, I had to pray harder, read the Bible harder, serve others harder, believe harder. And if I was still depressed? Well fuck it's because I'm still a heathen.
During this process I was a youth leader (at the age of what, 13?) who came home and watched porn after a bible study. I'd wake up in the morning of a weekend, and have to do another bible study, followed by every now and then a sermon, feeding the homeless, outreach, knocking on doors, etc., etc., and I'd come home and sleep or masturbate. I'd try to abstain from pleasure, maybe nine months being the longest, and then I'd fail and feel like a piece of shit again. I'd cry out to God asking Him why He gave me sexual organs and hormones, only to say don't masturbate. I'd beg for Him to take my genitals away so I could stop sinning. I would have gladly given up the ability to procreate and any future sex if it meant I could stop suffering in the middle of the night and trying not to touch myself. I would hurt myself, thinking maybe if I hit hard enough, it would stop.
I stopped believing in God the day my mentor told me maybe I just had to live with depression. Maybe that was God's plan for me. But if that was God's plan for me, then it was going to end with my suicide because that was what I could clearly foresee on the path I was walking. Hell could not be any worse than the hell I was already living. My religion had taught me to hate sin, but since I was a sinner, I hated myself the most. My religion had taught me all good things came from God, and so everything good I did was not me but God. He left me with nothing but self-loathing while asking for perfection from me.
I never did confront my brother about what he did. The closest encounter was my brother talking to me on the phone, mad that I had told my mother about it. The funny thing was, I was ready to forgive him. Actually, I had already forgiven him. But he didn't want me to talk about it ever again or tell anyone ever again.
But you see, every time I was questioned about my depression from a counselor or a pastor or a guardian, the first thing they ask is about any traumatizing incidents. They always ask if I was sexually assaulted by anyone, if I was molested, or the like. And even though I myself had not connected the two, that is always the answer they sought, as if that is the only legitimate reason. As such, every time I was forced to think about why I was depressed, I always had to think about that first memory. Over and over again until I questioned my own reality of that memory. Maybe it was just a dream, maybe it never really happened. After all, I wasn't even frightened, so it couldn't be real, right? I had to think about it again and again until I was gaslit by my own self.
But then he confirmed it. He didn't say what happened or apologize. He didn't say why he let his friend lay on top of me when I hadn't even developed any secondary sex characteristics. He didn't say why he just sat there when I trusted him.
But he did question why I was depressed. He questioned why I dropped out of high school, then college, then trade school--all very angrily by the way. He probably questions to this day why I'm a pathetic and useless human being that cannot finish anything and that he does not want to have to support for the rest of his life--which he won't and hasn't really ever supported me by the way.
The sad thing is, he too, went through something similar.
Maybe not more than five years later he was molested by an adult in the neighborhood. He still blames my mother, who was a single parent working, for her negligence.
But I didn't get to blame him. I was too young to understand that I could. And to me, my religion was more crippling than that one memory. But when I think about why I'm so messed up, it always begins with this. And then I start to wonder, if he didn't let that incident happen, maybe my life would have been a little happier. Or at the very least, not devoid of happiness, like it is now. Maybe I could have finished something, anything, like him. Maybe my life would not have been so fucked up, if not for him. And maybe I could have stopped wishing my mom had had that abortion like she had planned. Unfortunately, hating him won't cure my depression away.
So I'm sorry, but in writing this, it is my way of blaming him a little bit.
submitted by dontwannacare to offmychest [link] [comments]
2020.10.19 15:34 BlackestXKnight Masturbate with live girls
I have recently made it five days, which is the longest streak I have been on in years. I have been really stressed with work and moving, and was not actively trying to quit right now. But now that I am on a bit of a streak, I want to try and keep it going.
I wanted to share what got me on this streak, in case it may help some of you. If you are on a streak, ignore this and stay strong, but if you are having trouble going more than a day or two at a time, give it a shot.
Up front, I know this is extremely counter intuitive, and it may not work for everyone. I am a big fan of anime and manga. I recently watched the anime for Domestic Girlfriend. I was drawn to it because of the sexual content. But the sexual content is just the hook into a compelling love story. I couldn't get enough, so I started to read the manga. While reading it, I had virtually no desire to masturbate, even with some of the sections being straight up pornographic. The explicit material, being the hook, is very prevalent in the beginning, and drops off significantly in frequency as the story progresses, though it is present throughout.
I think that the effect it had on me was due to engaging with characters that were leading the kind of life I want to lead (minus the step incest). They go out on adventures, love, laugh, and make friends. They suffer loss, but find new strength for it. I am naturally pretty introverted, and PMO has reinforced my reclusive tendencies, and made me reluctant to go out into the world and form meaningful connections.
Seeing these characters lead a rich and meaningful life was driving me to face my own demons.
The thing I want the most right now in life is to find a nice girl to settle down with and start a family. I think as I was reading this story, vicariously living through it, it filled the void that I have been unconsciously trying to fill with PMO. I think experiencing the emotions of this story helped me see that, and find the words to communicate that feeling.
I am going to do the best I can to take the momentum and perspective that this story has helped me find, and use it forge the life I want.
It may not be the same story that helps you, but I think many of us are trying to fill a similar shaped void. I saw a meme once that had a boy saying I don't want to be horny, I just want to be loved. And I have recently started thinking of PMO like exercising a demon. I don't want to do. I am just addicted, fulfilling an out of control biological imperative. This is not what sex is for. It is for making people and building stronger pair bonds between people. The sex in this story almost always has a strong narrative purpose, and is very rarely there for its own sake. I think the sexually explicit nature of this story helped me recontextualize sex, back to the way I should see it.
TLDR; A love story with strong pornographic elements helped me unconsciously go on my longest streak in years. Try it if you are struggling day to day, avoid if you are on a long streak in case it triggers you.
submitted by BlackestXKnight to NoFap [link] [comments]
2020.10.19 09:21 fuckmoni Masturbate with live girls
i live with my boyfriend T (24m), best friend M(20f) and her fiancé C (who considers himself my boyfriend's best friend) (24m) my boyfriend had this other friend D (24m) who stays with us constantly. he is a fucking leech.
D likes to:
-haunt me to let him smoke all my weed that i buy for myself.
-masturbate in my bathroom multiple times a day and leave cum tissues directly on top of my makeup, and use all of my body wash and get his pube shavings all over everything.
-get high and eat humanly insane amounts of food and leave the dirty dishes and garbage strewn all over the house, to the point where you can't use counter space, there are never clean dishes (not even for T's toddlers he has every other week, this motherfucker eats so much he resorts to using the babies' dishes.) and you can hardly walk on the garbage covered floor.
-haunt people to drive him to go buy him food that he doesn't let them even get a bite of even though they paid for it and he didn't.
-steal our cars for purposes other than the one reason he has permission to ever use them (to go to work) for extended periods of time and be a dickhead when asked where he is, why he took it, when he'll be back, etc.
-whenever we go out to eat, loudly watch family guy on his phone with no earbuds, even while the waiter has to yell to be heard over it, buy the most expensive meal possible fully assuming someone else will pay for it, and eat it as disgustingly and loudly as he can while ignoring the entire table and looking at anime shit on pinterest.
-practices horrendous hygiene, always reeks of body odor, wears the same clothes for upwards of 3 weeks, i have never once seen him do laundry or any chores for that matter.
-demean and degrade my boyfriend T, his supposed best friend, at every given opportunity. like he'll listen in on a private conversation between the two of us and when i compliment my partner he'll but in to correct me and tell him he's ugly, stupid, untalented, a pussy/not man enough, etc. but if i stick up for him or show any signs of emotion past an "oh you :)" I'm suddenly a frigid bitch.
-this is kinda nitpicky but he challenges me in my topic of expertise CONSTANTLY, and it's insanely demeaning and condescending. i'm studying for my BFA in animation and my dream career is in the storyboard department, i've been studying animation and cartooning and i've been involved with formal/academic education for it since i was like 12. he thinks his opinion on the subject matter is equal if not higher than mine because he's a weeaboo and a narcissist, and he makes bullshit statements about the process that i do for a living and gets pissed and yells at me when i countermand the shit he spews, because there's no way a short young airheaded little girl like me knows what i'm talking about!
-i'm genetically short, 4'10 and he's 6'3 so he refers to me exclusively as "Tiny" instead of my name (which already crosses a boundary for me, i'm definitely not close enough with him for affectionate pet names) and about 80% of our interactions devolve into him making observations i didn't ask for about my height and body and how it must be to live being "THAT small"
-just a general unfunny, unpleasant, unkind nuisance.
yesterday night, D took C and M's car to go barhopping in a nearby city. around 4am, he calls my boyfriend shouting and cursing and screaming insults, he's mad that he got too drunk and lost the key to the car at some bar. he insists that it's my bf's responsibility to stop what he's doing and pick him up 30mins out of the way for whatever fucking reason?? but T tells him no, he's not feeling well and we can try to call him an uber. i'm more tech savy than T so i tried to, but it was fucking $90 so we tell him to wait there until morning. C and M has just back from traveling out of state for a week and now we all have to go bail him out of situation he got himself into.
i end up buying everyone $60 worth of chipotle for them all including D which i really didn't want to, and then fucking $245 on an auto locksmith to get a new key for the car, which wasn't my responsibility.
T, C and M and i are all unemployed and D has a good paying job, he's just a freeloader. i have a few thousand in my account only because i got survivor's benefits money after my mother committed suicide last year and he's been taking serious advantage of my money.
it doesn't even end with me, he pulls the same shit with my older brother who didn't even get the social security benefits i did whenever he's around with us, he takes every opportunity to mooch because whenever he has his own money he blows it on anime merch and food within 3 days.
C, M and i are all in agreement that D is a narcissistic cunt and sucks the life out of all of us during an already miserable time period, but T has been friends with him since childhood and refuses to part ways out of sheer longevity and the naive belief that D is redeemable in some ways.
they really don't even hang out during the day, T tends to hang out with me or C, and he only hangs out with D when they do their childish LARPing outside. they have a multiverse they've worked on since sixth grade, including their OCS from Naruto, Dragon Ball, One Piece, Bleach, etc. i think it's cringey and dumb, but i love T and if it makes him happy he's just as entitled to weird self indulgent hobbies as i am, so i cast no judgement on his character about it on its own.
however, about an hour ago, after he watched everyone else in the household agree that D is useless and causes us all financial and emotional exhaustion, T told me he had "yardwork" he had to do, and i literally hear him outside LARPing with D right now. i texted T "hey love, i know you're not doing yardwork, you're out there LARPing with D. you don't need to lie to me" and he just replied "no"
how the fuck are we ever going to get this user out of our household if T enables him by keeping him around as a nostalgic coping mechanism? i know D's only real value to T is to have someone to regress with, to fall into a pit of "remember that time when..." or to talk about their childhood interests in anime with. i understand that it's good to maintain long term friendships and he thinks it'd be shitty of him to "bail on" or "ditch" his closest friend, but all of his other loved ones/housemates just suffer whenever this manchild is around and sigh a huge sigh of relief whenever he leaves.
i just can't figure out how to tell T to send D somewhere else?? he can still be friends with him obviously, but i entered this relationship and moved in with him only wanting to be with T, i never signed up for his stupid little friend who cannot function as an adult and makes my life miserable to follow us around. he isn't a housemate as much as he is a black hole that all money, food, and interesting conversation topics go to die in. what can i possibly do?
submitted by fuckmoni to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
2020.10.19 07:10 Strong_Mango_9611 With live masturbate girls
I’m sorry if this is a bit long, but I think you guys can benefit a lot from it.
First, I would like to say that this community is amazing and I feel indebted to you guys so maybe my story can give some reinforcement to your own.
I first learned of no fap when I was a sophomore in high school, I starting watching porn and masturbating regularly in 8th grade - the end of middle school. At the beginning of high school, I still remember the first day, I wasn’t nervous at all, I was actually quite pumped to be around all the gorgeous girls and saw motivation and opportunity. Just a couple weeks in, we were to give a presentation in my history class. I typed my presentation and didn’t think twice about being nervous, but when it came time to present, I just broke out into a panic. My body was shaking uncontrollably, I was on the brink of running out of the room. It was literally involuntary, some part of me was controlling my nervousness. I couldn’t breathe, my legs were shaking, my voice quivering, my face red, and I leaned over, literally back parallel to the floor and shook until I could barely get a word out. Somehow I finished the speech, but the class was clearly astonished at how nervous I was. I don’t know why this happened, but it was arguably the most embarrassing moment of my life. My confidence and optimism for high school was swallowed by the moment. I would remain nervous and uncontrollably anxious towards interacting with my fellow classmates for the rest of high school. The rest of high school was a living hell. However, sophomore year I came across a thread speaking of no fap and how it alleviated the social anxiety ppl felt. I tried it and sure enough it helped a lot. I believe I went on a 58 day streak that year, during that steak I remember giving a few very good (and non nervous) presentations, however I broke this streak eventually and would fap the rest of high school. I was by no means an unattractive guy, and actually have learned of recent that in high school I was quite the “shy stu,” yes, girls wanted to fuck my brains out yet I had no confidence to initiate anything. My friends and peers of friends had informed me of this. Missed opportunity, lost chances, and no direction to capitalize on my looks leave me in regret.
For the rest of school, I fapped pretty regularly and my shyness remained, however the last few years weren’t nearly as bad as I had gained a bit of confidence from my bodybuilding routines, still pretty hollow social life though.
I look back at high school as a hell and nightmare, but not bitterly, it was just missed opportunity to learn from. My last year was a gift from god though, I established a tight friend group that gave me the social reassurance and happiness and thirsted for, still high school was not great as a whole.
Move on to college, my first year was steroid packed, fapped packed, and failing packed. Still had issues with women but lost my virginity and gained some confidence with women, my last 3 years of college - still fap and porn packed but now filled with addiction to cigarettes and alcohol, I had quit the steroids and my rigorous gym schedule, but I actually got laid quite a bit in this time period, however mostly women of low caliber and the thrill of banging women that felt they were pulling a better looking guy kinda turned me on but that’s fucked and I no longer crave those types of encounters.
I eventually graduated college, a few months ago, but as the pandemic started I have devil open agoraphobia and have not left my house in 4 months. I’ve left about 4 times total. If I drive away and leave the house I go into full panic.
Where does no fap fit into all this ? Well every hell and nightmare I’ve ever been in, has always been alleviated and nearly diminished when I was in a streak of no fap. Almost like I was a different person, it’s quite wild. I’m currently only on a day 5 streak but I’m optimistic to hit that forever period.
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2020.10.19 04:07 rachel_jscott Masturbate with live girls
Hi all I'm new to this obviously but it's been a lot lately and I was hoping I could just vent a little.
I was an intern for a "missionary discipleship training school" called IGNITE from July 2017 to April 2018. I served in Guatemala primarily and while I was never faced with the extremes of mike Rozell's manipulation and abuse, the environment he created was toxic. Basically, we were gaslit and manipulated, isolated from our families, and we put Mike on a pedestal. Personally, I believe Mike exhibits signs of textbook narcism and we met practically every standard for being in a cult.
For those of you who don't know about Potter's Field https://phoenixpreacher.com/35145-2/
This was posted in July 2019 and was the first time I opened my eyes to what I had experienced. https://phoenixpreacher.com/potters-field-survivor-stories/ These are other people's stories about potter's field.
Absolute authoritarianism without meaningful accountability. - THIS ! Mike had a pastor, but McClure didn't visit often and when I saw them together, Rozell never once had one of his rages around McClure.
• No tolerance for questions or critical inquiry. - Any time someone questioned Mike he flew into a rage and claimed they were trying to take down his ministry.
• No meaningful financial disclosure regarding budget or expenses, such as an independently audited financial statement. -there have been audits done after the shutdown, but I can't seem to find clear facts about it. Mike and Pam lived in a very cushy house in Montana and mike had a rolex watch and a nice car. These are all fine to have, but when compared with the fact that 2.0's worked 60 hour weeks and were compensated for 20 at a time and when interns first arrive you work crazy hours on a 300$ stiped a month while being expected to put some of it toward tithe.
• Unreasonable fear about the outside world, such as impending catastrophe, evil conspiracies and persecutions. - There was always this mindset of people are trying to tear down the ministry. You'll see in my testimony below a case where Rozell painted an entire interaction as people being out to get us.
• There is no legitimate reason to leave, former followers are always wrong in leaving, negative or even evil. - We were pretty much forbidden to reach out to former RA's who had left during my field time. There was always this implication (it was even straight up said) that they had committed great sin.
• Former members often relate the same stories of abuse and reflect a similar pattern of grievances. -Click the link and you'll see the similarities of manipulation, outbursts of rage, and suffering.
• There are records, books, news articles, or broadcast reports that document the abuses of the group/leader. -multiple calvary and local news sources began to document the story but the majority is on phoenix preacher.
• Followers feel they can never be "good enough". - I personally felt this. I was never "all in" enough for the program and I was never "present"
• The group/leader is always right. -Once again, Rozell had complete authority and almost no accountability. There was McClure but Rozell was like a different person around him.
• The group/leader is the exclusive means of knowing "truth" or receiving validation, no other process of discovery is really acceptable or credible. - This is the only one I teeter on a little. I mean for validation, everyone wanted his validation. But as for truth, we were taught inductive bible study and given other good theologians to study (Tozer and Wiersbe stick out to me)
I guess my questions now are more about... why? Like I believe in my Jesus and I don't understand why he would lead me to a place where I would be gaslit, manipulated, and lied to. Or did I mishear God? Both of those questions have been on my mind a lot lately. Furthermore, I can't seem to go to church anymore. I feel like everywhere I look I see remnants of this experience and I can't seem to separate my faith from my trauma and it's so frustrating to me that after taking a year of my life and all my savings (the program was 6k not including plane tickets and I worked for three years to earn enough to go) my faith is still being tainted and robbed by the Rozells. It's not like a "why does God let bad things happen" question, it's more of "why did God lead me to a toxic place?" what's the purpose of that? Does the positive negate the negative?
I feel like David in the wilderness.. Like I'm crying out to God and He's just not answering and I'm so mad about it. Once you've had God in your life and you've experienced what it is to be filled ... not having that makes you feel so empty and I know what's missing and I just want to be with Jesus again. I'm also wrestling with losing my best friend to suicide in 2018 so I've got that to work through with God as well. I also am struggling with feeling very judged about pfm and my experiences. I've had a lot of Christians tell me the Christian version of "just get over it" and I don't know how to explain to them that it isn't that simple.
I'm so tired of being the victim of my life and I just want victory over my trauma and my circumstances.
Below is the nitty gritty of distinct experiences I had there. I wrote it some time ago.
My potters field story.
I have never felt more betrayed and lied to than in this ministry. It’s difficult to put into words the nuanced spiritual abuse I experienced while there and to conceptualize the lies. I was a part of the IGNITE internship program from July 2017 to April 2018.
The first two weeks we were put on a “tech fast” and all communication with our family was cut off, save a five-minute phone call with my mother that ended with me in hysterics over homesickness. I remember crying almost every night while in training over missing home and when I expressed this to some staff, I was met with “you’re not all in”. During those first two weeks, I remember all of us girls were put into a side room of the compound while Mike proceeded to lay into us because some of the girls had boyfriends, apparently it’s forbidden to start IGNITE with a boyfriend (the manual only said it was discouraged) and I remember mike being angry over the confusion. (I was not among them) the girls were forced to break up with their boyfriends and were all crying as they wrote out what they were going to say. The next day mike apologized for being harsh and told them they could revise the manual themselves for clarity and that they didn’t have to break up with their boyfriends. (But the unspoken rule was still there). Every day before class an intern was supposed to share their testimony, and some were very honest about struggles with pornography and other “sexual sin” in these testimonies. Mike heard about it and at one point the girls and boys were separated yet again and mike and pam attempted to get us to confess to sexual sin or masturbation over the phone. Sensing that we might be uncomfortable with that, we were all split into what teams we were in and then have that conversation with each other.
There's one day I distinctly remember when Mike came to visit because pastors were visiting, and we were told to wear our name tags. Well some of us forgot (as teenagers and young adults do) and Mike proceeded to “rebuke” us for the next four to eight hours over it (it all blurs together). He claimed that we were in open disobedience and that we were rebelling against God…by not wearing our name tags. I remember feeling confused by this but at the same time, so much guilt over it.
Another time our entire class was forced to fast for an entire day (even coffee was frowned upon) and then we had to go do a pancake outreach while fasting. I remember feeling hesitant, as I believe that fasting should always be a personal choice, but I went along with it.
I also remember team Guatemala being pulled aside and told that we were moving, however, we were expressly forbidden from mentioning it to anyone, even family. The first two months of field time were spent preparing for this move and manual labor for hours on end, which I didn’t mind so much, what I minded was being forbidden from discussing it with my parents, I was forced to hide so much from them. I remember the reason we were given for the move was that our lease was up with the people who owned the compound. Come to find out that apparently, potter’s field had been underpaying them for years on the lease. Supposedly the middle man was lifting the money and keeping it for himself. But that’s just what I was told. The details of the situation were murky and there were layers of financial obscurity to it. Then we found out that our former gardeners and cooks were suing potter’s field for not compensating them properly and we were told that they had hired a “dirty lawyer” and that our team was being split up and we would serve the remainder of our field time in separate locations. Come to find out that potter’s field later “settled it outside of court.” Mike spun the idea that both scenarios as “spiritual attacks” or persecution against the ministry.
During our training and first few months of field time, it was heavily emphasized how important the teaching we would be doing in the schools would be and that teaching was pretty much the focal point of the ministry in Guatemala. We had one day of teaching (not including the 1 1/2 month summer camp program we did) and then we were pulled out because of “government changes” within Guatemala’s board of education. Almost every day for the following two months we were told: “Next week you’ll teach” and I think it was around week three that I stopped believing them.
January and February were very listless times for us and I remember feeling so clueless as to why I was there and so purposeless without ministering to do. I fell into a depressive episode and struggled with suicidal thoughts for two months until we had missions teams come for march and suddenly we had purpose again. But I remember feeling so much guilt and shame while experiencing this just because it was another symptom to me of “not being all in” in essence, not being enough for the program, mike, and for God.
My contact with my family was limited to three two-hour time slots a week and I was repeatedly told that I wasn’t “all in” because I spend a majority of my off days at the house, talking to my (you guessed it) parents. I remember feeling so much guilt and shame over the fact that I missed them. My best friend attempted suicide that October of field time and I remember being on the phone with her Friday night, speaking words of encouragement over her to fight the impulse the night before she tried and I didn’t find out that she had been hospitalized for it until the following Wednesday, then I was lectured for being distracted. I was repeatedly isolated from the outside world and most times I tried to make contact with family or friends I was given the lecture of “not being all in”
I remember there was a situation with other staff abroad and in Montana that December over what Mike said was sexual sin and I believe he insinuated that playing D&D led to orgies. Either way, we were discouraged from speaking to the former staff members in question, some of who fled “ in the middle of the night”.
I strongly felt that God was putting college on my heart for after IGNITE. I loved the classroom environment of training and so I made the decision to apply to my local community college for the fall that February of field time. With the way NY state education works, there’s no way I could’ve pushed it later. I was lectured for not trusting God, not being “all in” and being selfish by multiple people in leadership multiple times.
A few weeks into our re-entry our class was lectured about “finishing well” we also received the speech about supporting potters field financially and then we were told by leadership that we didn’t need to be re-entered but instead retrained, and I just felt so broken and helpless through it. I felt so tired and drained and fully believed that our field time was a complete waste and that I hadn't learned the lessons God intended for me while in the program and that I had failed Ignite and failed mike.
I can’t say that all of the personal tribulations I went through is because of Mike and because of the environment, much of it was the cumulation of life long issues I had there. But there were many instances of “spiritual rebuke” that was really just spiritual abuse. It's taken me a long time to come to terms with the realities of the program and to understand that just because good things happened while I was there doesn’t make the bad experiences ok or even worth it.
I am eternally grateful for the family I received through the program and that despite the folly and sinful nature of man, God’s glory and purpose was still accomplished and I was able to build a strong foundational relationship with Christ. I was never personally spiritually attacked by mike, only my class. But I don’t believe it was a spiritually healthy environment for anyone to be in, and I’m still unlearning a lot of mindsets I adapted while there and relearning how to trust spiritual leaders. I was repeatedly isolated from the outside world and most times I tried to make contact with family or friends I was given the lecture of “not being all in”
It's also hard because I don't think my teammates are struggling the way I am. They all seem to have made their peace with what happened and moved on and yet I just can't seem to heal from this.
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2020.10.18 18:51 mfreeman3223 Girls masturbate with live
I don’t think it’s about how much or how long with this practice. I think it’s about your desire and willingness to absolutely change your entire life. Semen retention on its own won’t do anything for you if you don't change anything else about your personal life it’s just a catalyst, is there to aid you and give you that extra push.
It’s like working out but eating shitty food. This is the same approach you take if you think you’re not PMO’ing but you haven’t change your life one bit. I do not watch porn, I have not watched a movie or played video games in five months. I don’t watch TV. I don’t listen to the news, I meditate multiple times a day I work at multiple times a day I get up at 4 AM I’m constantly writing down my goals, I litterly say them to myself out loud in the mirror in the morning and what I want to do with my life how I can achieve it and actually making my goals achievable and small steps and every single day I’m doing something to step outside my comfort zone and be a better bigger person than I was the day before.
If you’re not physically and mentally challenging yourself every single day stepping outside your comfort zone and boundaries that you’ve always set for yourself you’re never going to feel that true bull state on semen retention. The only type of media I’m consuming is reading A book for a minimum of an hour a day and listening to podcasts, the rest of the time I’m stepping outside of my comfort zone doing things I have never done before. Media is so much noise, so over-sexualized.
Cold showers, meditation what do these do? They make you mindful, they make you alert, aware, they make you disciplined that’s what they are there for, do they suck as the beginning, yes. But then you crave it. You get this burning energy from pushing & pushing. I get this weird desire mix of energy, anger, & alter ness but they feel so balanced as if I can stay calm but channel that energy where I want.
I Log, journal and using pen paper, and digital notes as a canvas for my brain for my thoughts and how I’m thinking and how I want to alter those thoughts or how they are or are not benefiting me for the future self that I want to be. If you’re not doing these things you’re not challenging yourself and you’re not asking yourself the bigger picture questions stepping outside your comfort zone you are not making the change to be a better you.
It’s like drug addiction it’s like any other addiction in the world people can be heavily addicted to something. But it really comes down to the desire, you can have someone who’s a heroin addict & their best friend dies in front of them and their life changes. (I know someone who went through this) they are motivated they push through, they have been sober for 3 years now, yet they did drugs for 15 years living on the street yet they came from an incredibly wealthy family, it didn’t help they got because someone told them they needed it, they didn’t look for it like you guys count your days or look for oh now I’m retaining women will love me no, it’s a desire to change your ways, desire to change your mindset, women get attracted through the energy you put off not just cause your retaining, I’m sure retaining between pheromones does leave an attraction but I think it’s your overall presence and energy you provide to the world when you so strongly desire to change something that’s so socially and biologically ingrained in us.
Because what that is, is a moment where desire overcomes someone blaming their addiction I’m just a consistent habit there’s even corporative in their life. I may sound harsh, but you need to want something so bad in order to change it. In order to gain confidence, you need to make promises to yourself and keep them. When I started getting up at 4 AM I didn’t tell everybody that I was doing it, I change my alarm I made the commitment and I never stopped, you need to take immediate action when you want to change something. it’s the person that wakes up hit snooze that loses confidence and looks for it elsewhere you need to make small achievable goals within yourself make promises and stick to them you’ll slowly build confidence and you will inspire yourself. Remember dreams without goals are just dreams, motivation is the biggest bullshit it is a temporary fix when you are disciplined, You’re consistent actions, your desire to change, your habits and your discipline to stay committed with the promise you made to yourself is what inspires you and motivates you when you look for external motivation you feel good but it does away you won’t get shit done and when you do it for yourself and no one else only and you don’t look for the validation of others when you see it that is when you feel like a bull. That is when semen retention has the highest benefit. You won’t catch me watching porn, masturbating, wasting my time, because after repetition and thinking a certain way your Higher self kicks in. That’s why when you PMO You feel filthy and disgusted with yourself after. The lower version of yourself is seeking pleasure in immediate gratification, grunting making noises, pleasuring yourself over a virtual girl or guy on a screen that doesn’t even know you or care about you. That’s why your higher self and your post nut clarity Pushes away the screen and feel disgusted with yourself. But this is only temporary until your lower self comes back and you recovered and the cycle continues, and then it all really hits you one day. Stick with the higher self be the better person.
Edit: This is just what has worked for me, what works for you will be different, my main point is do something different for yourself. What do you do now that you want to take to another level? What's something you wanted to do but were afraid to do so? Do something for yourself and for no one else, be a big brother to yourself. Treat yourself better but also challenge yourself, mentioning social media and all is in my personal opinion on mental health and how we are comparing and consuming of others without much self-reflection, and self-awareness is so so important for your growth to step our your comfort zone and don't give a shit what anyone says, you need to want it bad enough, you are already here making a commitment to change that will benefit you and that's a big step.
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2020.10.18 18:41 ThatBoyo99 Masturbate with live girls
I’ve been on nofap for 2 weeks now and it’s really what I needed to get a grip on reality. I used to pmo multiple times a day and we all know how that goes. It’s a low way of living. I used to feen for women and crave sex constantly. At this point I have way more respect for myself as well as confidence. I could decline sex right now and it wouldn’t be a big deal. I don’t spend the whole day thinking about where my next orgasm will come from. Just a couple days ago I was able to give a girl oral sex and just be fine with that and it didn’t affect my thinking afterwards to where I felt the need for penetration or masturbation or to receive oral in return. It wasn’t easy getting to this point. I’ve relapsed and reset my nofap counter more times than I can count. Constantly setting goals for it to justify one more nut.
“Ok my birthday is next week. I’ll start then.”
“Ok it’s a new month tomorrow. I’ll just binge now and I’ll stop for good.”
“Oh well, I already had sex yesterday. One more nut wouldn’t be too bad”
Anything to justify it and it always ended in regret and shame when it’s all said and done. I feel confident in myself when I look in the mirror and the social anxiety is fading. I don’t think people are laughing at me when in public.
I look forward to experiencing more benefits as time goes on but I can get used to living like this now. I almost don’t want sex because I value the power of my sexual energy over that hit of chemicals.
The posts here of people’s stories are real and they can be you. Just because you can’t get out of the habit of relapsing doesn’t mean your streak won’t grow someday. Just keep trying and never give up and build yourself up in other ways. You know it’s bad for you and one day you’ll learn. Nothing is worse than being an old fool.
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2020.10.18 12:21 welove_CamStarz Masturbate with live girls
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2020.10.17 23:55 throwmeawaynow151 Masturbate with live girls
Obviously a throw away account. I’m in my 40s now and have a successful career and family, but I have always fantasized about being a beautiful woman. Even as a young child I fantasized about it. It’s too late now, I’m a grown man with an athletic build. As a kid before I hit puberty I was slim and small boned with feminine features. I would have turned out pretty good. I’ve never once considered myself gay. The thought of a mans physique or kissing one is absolutely disgusting, but having a beautiful woman’s body’s and having sex as a woman turns me on.
My mom stayed home with me until I was 11, and dad worked a job where he would be gone for extended periods. When I was 12-15 I was left home alone during the summers. Looking back these were some fun times as a young kid exploring your sexuality. My mom was a large woman, but when younger had been slim. There were a few pieces of lingerie pushed to the back of the closet that were left over from slimmer racier days and they fit me perfectly. I had an outfit consisting of a black lace teddy, thigh stockings and heels that were my prized possession. Later on I ventured into putting on makeup and a she had one wig. I didn’t care for the wig that much but it was all I had. This outfit as well as a leotard and a pair of string panties I had stolen from a cousin’s laundry was my entire coveted wardrobe.
We lived in a rural area and had a locked gate so I grew confident walking around the house and even outside sometimes.
As I got older I got more interested in girls, got a car, and puberty really killed the vibe of the slender nubile kid. So the summer of being 15 kind of ended it.
I still think about it a lot and it really turns me on, which is the reason I’m posting I guess. Often when I masturbate this is what I think of. Less to confess but more just to tell someone. I’ve never told anyone for fear of ridicule.
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