Serving a Dominant is a very fulfilling lifestyle. However, many submissive beginners are lost. They don’t know what the BDSM role entails. Many times they are just looking for someone to fix them, to make them feel complete. But being a sub is a lot of work. Physically, mentally, and sexually. How can you successfully meet the challenge? Let’s consider what it truly means to be a good sub. We are living longer so the term “Midlife” is expanding to approximately 38-68 yrs. Many of us have spent 20+ years together building a good relationship only to have it thrown out like last weeks garbage. Not many fight for what they have built anymore. We want every couple to take stock in the value of what they have in their marriages. Perhaps it was time to take care of business and allow another to care for me. But I was frightened. My hand clung to the door handle displaying my confusion and fear. I wanted Valentin to be my Daddy, to take the weight off my crushed shoulders but my strict moral conscience kept telling me it wasn’t right. In New York Eva Cross is that person seeking answers as she has just had everything she took as fact turned upside down and she no longer knows who she is. I DO NOT OWN FSOG OR THE CROSSFIRE STORIES. Crossover - Fifty Shades Trilogy & Crossfire series, Sylvia Day - Rated: M - English - Family - Chapters: 44 - Words: 196,009 - Reviews: 701 ... Daddy would say how cute I looked and tell me how much he liked the things I'd picked out. Jane got a little jealous and said she’d helped too, so daddy complimented her as well. Whenever we went shopping, people assumed I was a tomboy because I didn’t act very girly. Mommy/little girl Play; The Reluctant Daddy - Intro to series * Submissive Guide is an affiliate partner of KinkAcademy.com ~melly is the full-time live-in slave, partner, and little girl of Syr David. She has been His property for two years, and has been His little girl for the majority of that time. Craigslist is great for finding a used bike or cheap tickets to the ballgame. Oh, and also for posting pictures of your genitals and telling the world that you're a "bottom." If you're confused, you've probably never checked out the "Casual Encounters" link in
2020.09.29 09:16 azurePleasure Bondage gyno exam
Hello Reddit. My previous ongoing subby moved out of state. I have had fun with other girls curious to explore, but they've either been one-offs or we didn't mutually click as much as we hoped. I've been in this lifestyle for awhile, and would like to impart my experience and share my joy with a new, eager lady who has been dipping her toes into this and may want to go all the way into the deep end, in time.
Some fast facts about me and my relevant experience:
2020.08.21 06:16 PhatA21Augl Bondage gyno exam
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2020.08.20 18:56 Meda20Augl Bondage gyno exam
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2020.07.25 19:20 25Julenergetic Gyno bondage exam
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submitted by 25Julenergetic to u/25Julenergetic [link] [comments]
2019.09.11 13:07 hurricanevictim Bondage gyno exam
Edit: OK so I feel the need to add this at the top. This is NOT an invitation to message me your horny lonely desires you creepy, creepy human predators. I can't believe I even have to say this to you and I'm disgusted that some men would want to take advantage of my struggling situation. If you can't comment with advice or relative info then don't say anything. AT ALL. Jeez.
~ I'm not even sure if this is the right sub, but I'm a long time lurker so here goes.
I (F24) been with my husband (M31) for about 3 years, but we've been married since April. I love him so much and he's everything I want in life. We are compatible and in love blah blah blah. But the sex. It's awful. And far and few between. I feel no desire to have sex, no joy when we do. It is a chore. Always. Am I no longer sexually attracted to him? The thought terrifies me. There is no more playfulness or lust, and hasn't been since like the first few months of dating. No butterflies. No desire to even initiate sex because what's the point except to please him and leave me wanting. But I love him to death.
Before we got married I had this existential crisis/meltdown where I cried and told him how could we get married if I can't enjoy sex? There were doubts in my head. Maybe I didn't explore enough in the dating scene, and have only had less than a handful of sexual partners. Meanwhile husband had over 50 he's told me. He told me we will work things out together, and I thought we would. I don't want to hold resentment towards the past, but I am incredibly sexually adventurous mentally but grew up in a strict and abusive environment where I had no self expression and after 18 it was hard for me to explore without guilt.
Sex is painful for me too, and has been since I started having sex at 17. No one has ever made me orgasm, except myself but never vaginally. I've asked several gynos and all have brushed it off as me having a retroverted uterus. Like okay... Guess there's nothing I can do then?
But now it's getting to the point where I'm losing my mind. I'm 4 months pregnant now. We've had sex once since I became pregnant and only because I feel bad for him. I use my vibrator occasionally but I just don't feel like it because I want a sexual connection with him. When I use it during sex I just can't come because I'm focusing too much on the pain of my vagina and trying to come before him. I try to get some foreplay going by passionate kissing and touching but it just dissolves really quickly and leads to nothing, awkward laughs and sometimes I get angry at how little interest we both have. I'll jerk him off and suck his dick because I like to, but when he asks to penetrate I just tell him there's no point right now because it hurts.
It also feels like he puts in 5% effort to pleasure me. Sure, he might be doing all the thrusting but he doesn't like to give me oral. He claims he does but 3 minutes isn't gonna do anything. Sorry your jaw is tired. When he touches me he can't find the clit 99% of the time. Sex feels too deep even though he is of average length. The kissing feels fake and forced like a porno. Sex lasts less than 5 min, what happened to our 45 minute passionate sessions? I feel like I'm reminiscing and holding onto this great 3 months we had in the beginning and ignoring the 3 years of garbage sex. But I also over think a lot so maybe it's all in my head?
I'm having dreams about orgies and sex with random men and women (I'm bisexual). I have fantasies of him fucking other men or women. Im scared that the idea of fucking other people sounds good because at least there is excitement and newness and maybe someone else could make me orgasm. Im scared that in the future our marriage will suffer and I would do something incredibly stupid because of harmful thoughts like these. I've mentioned trying new things in the bedroom, open marriage, or a threesome, or even something like just kissing a woman with him, trying bondage, trying swinging, even trying sex therapy. He said ok to just the therapy, but has made no effort to try new things and has no desire for including other people in our sex lives. I don't want to push it, but it's all I think about these days. But I have no desire to harm our marriage and partnership with each other.
Maybe I sound dumb and immature, but I feel way too young to have these issues. I'm not looking to jeopardize our marriage, and we have a kid on the way now, to add to this excitement. Maybe after I pop it out then sex won't hurt because I'll be more loose? No clue. I'm just lost at this point. I need some advice and hoping I'm not the only person suffering like this.
Edit TL;DR: newlyweds. Sex has always sucked. I have desires that aren't being met, but we love each other. Losing my mind. Pregnant. Emotions at all time high. Feel like a terrible person/wife
submitted by hurricanevictim to DeadBedrooms [link] [comments]
2018.05.25 12:35 ScarletPantyPrincess Bondage gyno exam
Your balls ache. It has been so so long since you have seen her and you shift uncomfortably in your seat. The sounds in the boardroom echos past your ears, nothing sinks in and you just can't concentrate. Your cock twitches and your mind races as you imagine her beautiful face. That black, thick eyeliner, the long lashes, the dark lips smirking at you. You shift again in your chair and feel the eyes of the other board members on you as sweat starts to bead on your forehead.
Your mind wanders and before you know it the other board members are filing out of the room while you sit, pained and desperate in your leather arm chair. You tap your papers on the desk and place them gingerly in your briefcase, trying to stall until your inappropriately timed erection calms down. When all the other men are gone you eagerly pull your phone out of the pocket of your blazer. You know her number off by heart now, obsessed with her and what she does to you. You tap rapidly at your screen, hoping and praying that she will respond quickly.
Mistress. Please. Can you get me in today? I can be there in an hour. Let me know if you have time for me. I am desperate.
You wait for her response as you tidy your papers and organize your briefcase anxiously. After what seems like an eternity, though it is really only about a minute, your ears perk up at the sound of your phone buzzing on the table. You immediately reach for it and read the reply on the screen.
It has been too long. You like to keep yourself free from the anchor of relationships, from the obsession of sexual desires and romantic entanglements. But after weeks of work and board meetings with no sexual release, your mind was wandering to more animalistic urges. You could never allow yourself to be distracted by such things, you have to be satisfied. You have to end the desires, the need for release. Only she can do that. She has everything that you want and need, the expertease to satisfy those primal urges and milk every drop of cum from your body until the desire for sex is the last thing you ever think about.
You slam your briefcase closed and lock it. You jump from your seat, erection still noticeable through your Ermenegildo Zegna trousers. You smooth your suit down and straighten your tie before walking out of the board room and into the hall. You hold your briefcase in front of your crotch to hide your shame and make your way to the elevators. The ride down to the lobby feels like an eternity, executives piling in and filing out at each floor. Each person who passes by gives you a welcoming nod, you smile back at them nervously, not wanting to let on what is going on under your leather case. Finally the elevator reaches the ground floor and you carefully step out into the lobby and make your way to the underground parking garage. You stroll through the parking lot, feeling more comfortable in the empty, open space.
You get to your steel blue Lamborghini and toss your case into the passenger seat as you ease yourself in the driver's seat. You relax into your leather seats and start the engine, mind focused on your erotic destination as you speed out of the parking lot. The forty-five minute drive, while lasting seemingly an eternity, only took thirty-five minutes. You must have hit every red light on the way but your determination surpasses all time and space. You pull into the driveway and throw your car into park. You sit for a moment, staring ahead at the house and practically vibrating in anticipation. You take a deep breath and turn the car off. The car door swings open and you step out, you smooth out the creases in your suit and sauntering to the front door.
Knock, knock, knock.
No answer. She is making you sweat. You knock once more and hear a faint voice from inside the house granting you entrance. You open the door and enter into a dimly lit room. The outside of the house was so average looking with picket fences and rose bushes in front of a classic ranch house with vinyl siding and hand painted shutters. A quaint little family home in a good neighbourhood. On the inside, however, it is anything but quaint. The entrance is dark, a small entryway that opens up into what should have been a living room. Instead, the open room is lit with a red glow. Lamps covered in sheer red fabric sit in each corner and the center of the room is filled with various torture devices. A St. Andrews Cross stands against the far wall and a rack of whips, riding crops and paddles hangs above it. On the wall to the left of the door there are bondage straps hanging from the ceiling and a wall of various metal torture devices displayed proudly. On the right side, a gyno table is pushed up against the wall, shiny steel stirrups protruding from the end of the table. In the center of the room directly in front of the doorway hangs a black leather sex-swing.
“Come on in, puppy.” A soft voice coos from the hallway to the left of the St. Andrews Cross.
You close the door behind you, the room falling into almost complete darkness except for the red glow. You step quietly across the room and walk down the long hallway to the black door at the end. The door swings open and you are face to face with your perfect woman. Each time you see her feels like the first, and this time is no exception. Your eyes instinctively drift to her face, and her incredible makeup. Thick, jet black eyeliner hugs her eyes and her incredibly long, charcoal eyelashes curve over her eyelids like black feathers accenting her vibrant green eyes. Behind the lengthy lashes you can see a layer of smokey, black eye shadow blended with a dark red. They blend so perfectly and her extreme colours caress her milky white skin like a porcelain doll. Her eyes are so dramatic and perfect with the black cat eye, the second you see her staring back at you behind that menacing paint you feel your cock getting hard again under the thick cloth of your pants.
Your eyes fall down from her eyes. Her full, pouting lips are lined with a heavy, almost black lip liner and then filled with a blood red lip stain and covered in a thick layer of shiny gloss. Those lips are so inviting but her evil smirk keeps you at arms length. Your eyes blink and you focus on her entire face. The creamy skin without a single flaw, the beautifully contoured cheekbones with a healthy dose of bright rouge, the thin shaped eyebrows drawn on in a unnatural burgundy tone. She is like a doll. A painting of a woman more beautiful than any natural woman could ever be.
Her hair is a dark, unnatural red colour with wispy highlights of brunette and violet. It curls around her face, framing her cheekbones like wispy clouds surrounding a pale moon. The long scarlet curls drape delicately over her shoulders and fall gently over her chest. Your eye is drawn down to her breasts, the largest you have ever seen that weren't on a screen. Her massive enhanced breasts are pushed up nearly to her chin by a tight black leather corset. The stiff boning presses into her waist and creates a sensual, feminine curve over her body. Metal rings adorn the front of her corset and charcoal ribbon laces through each one. The ribbon criss-crosses all the way up her body, pulling each side tightly together and pushing her breasts inward, tying into a snug bow that hangs just over her ample cleavage.
The black leather shines under the dim lighting from the hallway and your eyes drop down to her waist. Her hands are resting on her hips with her long, red almond fingernails each coming to a sharp point as they tap wickedly on her hard corset. Her forearms are covered in black latex fingerless gloves and silver studs line the edge just above her elbows. Under her hands, her hips round outward under her corset and form into a perfect, plump ass. She is wearing black latex booty shorts that hug her sweet curves so closely that they could very well be painted onto her skin. Just below her tight shorts is a pair of thigh high, shiny black boots. The clean plastic flares out around her muscular thigh and then slowly tightens as it runs down her long legs, ending in a slim seven inch stiletto heel.
“Mistress.” You greet her simply. She smirks wickedly at you and takes a step backward into the room behind the black door, gesturing for you to enter. You step forward into the room instinctively making your way to the right where you know there is a chair to place your belongings. Suddenly a light flickers above your head and the room is lit up, revealing all that you have been dreaming of the entire day.
The floors are a hard, white, clean tile spreading out to the sterile-white painted walls. Fluorescent lighting shines from glass tubes placed around the room. A black, padded table sits in the center of the small room. Strong leather wrist and ankle cuffs lay ready on the table and a padded head strap rests at one end of the table just waiting for you. Above the table hangs an array of machinery. Flashing metal boxes with coloured buttons and knobs, tubes and pumps attaching to various parts and pieces that hang from the ceiling, awaiting use. The walls of the room are lined with steel cabinets, shiny countertops strewn with sensual torture tools, vibrators, toys and gags.
“Just the way you left it, isn't that right puppy?” You hear her close the door behind you and the cha-chunk of the dead bolt locking the black door. You turn to see her standing by the door, one hand pressed firmly against the wall and the other propped on her hip as she grins at you.
“Exactly the same. I know it’s been a while, but…” she stops you with a single finger raised to her lips and a soft shushing sound sliding from behind her pearly white teeth. She walks towards you, heels clicking against the ceramic tile with each step. Her grin grows and as she approaches you she places her hands on your chest, groping your hard muscles through the soft fabric of your suit.
“Now, puppy, I have made some fun little changes since you were here last.” She whispers, looking into your eyes past the fluttering black lashes. “I have a few new toys that you get to experience today, I have a feeling you won't be able to stay away so long this time after you feel what I have in store for you.” Her smirk widens and she wraps her delicate fingers around the edge of your suit, the cashmere fibers sliding smoothly over your shoulders as she pulls your jacket off behind you. The jacket falls from around your hands and she tosses it onto the chair in the corner, an action she is repeating after countless times before. You stand in front of her, staring at her flawless, creamy skin and the onyx curves that dance across her eyes. Her fingers crawl up your stomach and chest, slowly and caringly popping each button free. She makes her way down your shirt, pulling it loose from your waist and then yanking at your navy coloured tie until it hangs freely and untied around your neck.
She continues to undress you and smile wickedly up at you while your pants tighten around your crotch. She shoots you a knowing glare as she drops your pants down to the floor around your ankles, revealing your tight black boxer briefs that are so perfectly hugging your growing bulge and showing off how excited you are for the coming events. She removes all of your clothing including your shorts, folding everything neatly and placing it gingerly on the chair in the corner, your briefcase hiding underneath the seat on the floor.
She caringly takes your hand and leads you over to the table in the center of the room. She turns on her heel and swipes one hand over the soft padding, gesturing for you to take your place on the table. You know what to do. You take a seat on the edge of the table and swing your legs up onto the padding, laying back with your head on the soft cushion. Your body is chilled and your erection stands straight up as your Mistress walks around the table. She slips your left wrist into one leather cuff and straps you in snuggly. She repeats this with your other wrist and both of your ankles, saving your head for last. She stands at the end of the table and looks down at you, her doll-like face blocking out the light above her head as she tightens the strap around your forehead.
Her ruby red smile disappears behind you and you hear a clicking sound, followed by a light hum coming from all around the room. You take a deep breath, almost shaking from the anticipation and the chill in the cold room. A soft voice that you can’t see assures you that all will be well, and suddenly a buzz surrounds you. Tiny coloured lights spring to life, dotted across the machine that hangs above you. Your muscles tighten and your teeth grind. Your Mistress appears at your side and reaches up into the hanging mess of tubes and wires, grasping a clear tube attached to a black cord and pulling it down.
She smiles down at you, wrapping her long fingers around your shaft and fitting the tube over your cock gently. You twitch as the apparatus fits snuggly over your head and now rests at the base of your hard dick. Your Mistress turns a dial on the machine and you feel a suctioning sensation around your member, you are already sweating and panting as you stare up at her. Your eyes beg for more but your mouth stays shut, knowing that she will take care of you. You close your eyes, breathing deep and allowing her to take over. Her fingernails drag from your chest all the way down your stomach and slide down your thigh. You shiver and let her touch you all over, caressing your skin and playing seductively with your balls. Her long nails softly fondłe your taint and send chills up your spine as she teases you.
“I have a nice new prostate stimulator just for you, my good boy. I am going to place it inside you just how I know you like it.”
You hear a clank from above you, but your eyes remain closed. Your Mistress guides your thighs apart and you knowingly shuffle your body so that your knees are apart and your ass is accessible. You hear a pop, like the opening of a bottle, followed by the sound of liquid being forced from a container. Within seconds you feel a soft, rubbery toy rub between your cheeks. The cold lubricant tingles on your skin and the toy slides between your cheeks and presses hard against your taught ass hole. You twitch and tremble as it passes through your sphincter, the pressure building against your walls like lava raising through the heart of a volcano.
“Mmm, that tight little hole is so ready to be filled. I am going to ease my little toy into that ass nice and smooth, puppy.”
After a few moments, the pressure releases and the toy is successfully inserted into your tender hole, you groan in pleasure and await the sensation that you so eagerly expect. A couple of seconds pass before it envelops you. The vibration pulses through your prostate, and you groan involuntarily at the sensation. Your body vibrates lightly and you smile sweetly as your Mistress continues her ritual.
“You know what these are for, puppy. Some nice vibrating nipple clamps to stimulate that aching body.” She explains.
She stimulates your nipples with vibrating clamps and when you are moaning uncontrollably she turns a dial on the machine above you, cranking up the intensity of the toys.
“Mmm, that’s Mistresses good little puppy. You can handle more, now can’t you?” She asks, her voice soft and tender. You nod enthusiastically and she turns a couple of knobs. You feel the vibrations on your prostate and your nipples increase and the intensity washes over your entire body like waves crashing over the shore. You moan and mutter under your breath and your muscles shake. With a single motion of her finger, your Mistress brings the machine to life and the tube around your cock begins to react. You feel a sensation of not only vibration, but suction around your member. An intensity like no other, you buck your hips a bit and your Mistress brushes her fingertips across your pelvis, reminding you to stay calm and still and let her and the machines take care of you.
“Mmm, God.” The words escape for your lips. Your Mistresses fingernails crawl up your chest and the sweet warmth of her breath caresses your neck as she leans in. You open your eyes and look into her beautiful face. She bites her lip seductively and slides one finger across your cheek.
“Mmm, my good puppy. Mistress will take good care of you. I am going to turn up the intensity now, stagger the vibrations and make you really want it!” She teases. Her arm reaches out and she turns a few more dials. The vibrations stagger, creating a teasing pattern of stimulation separated by short, torturous rests. Your body is in overdrive, the suction around your shaft increases and you can barely handle the sensation. You groan and grunt, having waited so long for this moment you worry you will finish too quickly. Your Mistress, however, has that concern under control.
“Oh, M-Mistress… I-” you stammer, muscles contracting and hair standing on end.
“Shh, puppy, I’m not done with you just yet. You are going to get so nice and close for me, but you know I can't let you cum just yet.” She cranks the stimulation up a few notches and you are ready to explode. Your legs shake and your breathing gets heavy, you are so close to the edge and just as you feel you are about to release, your Mistress reveals her other plans. With a simple flick of a switch the machines go dark and the vibrations come to a dead stop. No stimulation, no suction, nothing. Your cock pulses and your near-orgasm stops just before you climax. You gasp for air as you hold back the load you have been saving for weeks. Your Mistress giggles and strokes your cheek as you catch your breath.
“Mmm, I do love to tease my good, sweet little puppy.” She blinks those feathery lashes at you and shoots you a wicked smile. “Ready for more, already?” She asks. You nod desperately, your cock still hard as a rock and in need of release. The switch is flicked and the machines spring back to life. The vibrations startle you and you can feel everything get so tight and tense as you prepare yourself for the wave of pleasure. Your Mistress fiddles with switches and knobs, stimulation increasing and decreasing in edging waves that torture your senses.
She plays with you, snickering and giggling with glee every time you moan loudly as the vibrations pass through you. She varies the speed and intensity of the suction and vibrations, toying with your nerves and edging you over and over. Finally, your Mistress has mercy on your mind and body.
“It’s time, puppy. I want to milk every last drop of warm cream from those balls and watch you squirm for me as you orgasm.” She pulls a small bullet vibrator from the counter full of toys and stands at your side.
“I am going to make those balls feel so fucking good, puppy.” With one hand, she fiddles with the knobs and switches on the machines, slowly increasing the strength of the prostate vibrations and varying the oscillation speed of the nipple clamps. With the other hand, she turns on the bullet and gently drags it across your tightening balls. The new sensation surprises you and your balls buzz as the suction around your cock gets heavier.
You feel like a toy being used and played with, your Mistress stimulating every part of your body and edging you until you can't possibly take any more. You look up at her, breathing so heavy you could pass out, body trembling on the table and your wrists and ankles pulling at their restraints. Your engorged manhood throbs and in a moment of pure bliss, your Mistress leans in.
“Look at my face, puppy. Don't take your eyes off of me.” You gaze into her eyes and the jet black paint winging from her eyes. The blood red lips standing out over the milky white porcelain skin, the lengthy lashes fluttering as she stares at your desperate face. You take it all in and your cock erupts like a bottle of champagne freeing itself of its obstructive cork. You grunt like a wild animal and your body trashes against the restraints as you finally release. Cum shoots like a fire hose, filling the tube and coating the inside of the clear apparatus that continues to suck and pulse around your sensitive shaft. The vibrations hum through your nipples and your skin becomes so tender you can barely stand the continued stimulation.
“I know you can take more, puppy.” She whispers, her face mere millimeters from yours as you continue to stare into her dramatically coloured face. Her massive breasts press against your arm and you feel the intensity of all the machines increase again. Her smile calms you, you trust her, you leave your pleasure in her hands.
“Y-yes Mistress.” You submit. Your testicles feel empty but the vibrations jostle your cock and balls, building a new and exciting feeling in your loins. Within seconds, a wave of pleasure builds again and fills your body. You let out an involuntary squeal and your cock spurts again, adding a substantial flow of cream to what already fills the tube. You convulse as your forced orgasm sends shock waves of pleasure and sensitivity throughout your entire body. When the last drop of cum is coaxed from your swollen member, your Mistress switches the machines to the off position and finally gives you sweet relief from the constant stimulation.
She loosens the clamps and slowly eases the vibrator from your ass. She removes the tube from around you cock and looks closely at the fluid inside.
“I will have this measured, puppy. Seems I got a lot from you today, more than usual. This will be a hefty payment from your pocket my good little pup.” Her teeth are pure white behind her red lips as she smiles, giving you a teasing wink. She removes your bonds and allows you to sit up on the table.
“Th-thank you Mistress” you manage to speak, body shivering and aching. Once dressed you make your way to the front of the house, opening the door and shielding your eyes from the bright sun that threatens to blind you. As you go to leave, your Mistress grabs your hand and pulls you back. You turn towards her and get one last look at that flawless painted face.
“You will be getting your bill very soon, puppy.” With a wink and a kiss blown through the air, she closes the door and you are left standing in the sun, satisfied and drained. You make your way to your car and as you sit staring at the steering wheel, you can finally relax.
“Back to work.”
submitted by ScarletPantyPrincess to sexstories [link] [comments]
2018.03.18 18:50 bestcod Relationship with Dominant is so confusing...
I was hoping to tap the mind of other dominant males who share character traits of the man I've been seeing for the past six months. We met on a traditional dating site and it came out that he was rather dominant and had some sexual desires that were not conventional. I was immediately intrigued. We date, have sex way too soon in the relationship. The sex is amazing and he introduced me to another world (as you all know). He pushes boundaries all the time into areas I would never dream I would ever be open to exploring (water sports, gyno equipment/bondage/physical pain, anal, latex, etc.) and I love it and I am more than willing to explore all of that with him. BUT, I have told him many times that I don't want a relationship based solely on sex. This is always met with "calm down", "You're trying to manipulate and control", etc. As a matter of fact, accusations of trying to manipulate and control have become his mantra. He has a guarded personality to begin with but he can be so kind and tender and he IS a good man in character and in his actions. I've asked him what he wants and he's communicated very little but he's said this--"I know what I want (this sexual dynamic in a relationship) and I don't want to waste any more time with people who say they are willing to explore, but are not. Life is short. Let's see how you do with all of this and let's build from there." (I paraphrased but that's the gist....)
So, my question is this. I have a pretty good man radar and I know he is a good man. But I am NOT sure he wants more than sex. He says he does, but our relationship is almost purely sexual. This isn't a guy who just likes to dabble in the lifestyle--he's the real deal, 47 years old (my age) and has had these fetishes for his entire adult life. These fetishes are not for play, they are a sexual need for him. I've walked away a few times, not convinced this was going anywhere but the bedroom, and dated some different men and he was jealous which indicates to me he may actually care?? I just don't know how to get him to communicate. It's like he wants to remain in the dom/sub dynamic all the time and doesn't know how to operate (with me) outside of that dynamic and build a real relationship. (He HAS had successful relationships in the past, was also married for 13 years but I don't think he explored this dynamic in a full sense in those relationships.) I wonder if he thinks you cannot have that dynamic AND a traditional relationship. That is my question...Do you think some doms think having a traditional relationship interferes/contradicts the dom/sub sexual dynamic? I know other people pull it off all the time. But I wonder if he struggles with that and this is the reason he seems to have difficulty with just sitting on the couch and watching a movie together, just enjoying each other's company, etc. Thanks!
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2017.12.01 20:05 CAnswerResearcher_46 Bondage gyno exam
Hi everyone. I'm going to try to keep this fairly brief (famous last words). Basically, I'm having some difficulty getting my wife to open up and talk about sex.
My wife and I got married earlier this year. We began dating and fucking back in 2011. About 2 years ago in 2015, I started shifting a little more attention towards improving our sex life and exploring new things together. Up until that point, things had been fairly vanilla and formulaic. But in 2015, I started thinking about proposing to her, and I had that panicked moment where I realized that if we got married, it meant that I would never have sex with anyone else (unless we opened up our marriage or got separated). I've only had sex with one other person besides my wife (I was horrible at interacting with women throughout most of my 20's), and I kind of recognized that my fears were based off of a "grass is always greener" mentality. Not for a moment did I ever seriously consider ending our relationship over it; what we have is way more important, and I was able to recognize that I was idealizing something I had never experienced, when in reality it's probably not all that it's cracked up to be.
So instead, I took a step back and asked myself what appealed to me about the idea of potentially fucking other women, and basically it boiled down to variety. Since I wasn't interested in cheating on or breaking up with my then-girlfriend, instead I made the decision to try to add more variety to our existing sex life, and to improve the overall quality of it.
Right around the time this was happening, my wife began seeing a new gynecologist, and she found out that she had vaginismus. Apparently sex had been kind of painful for her, but she never understood why, and her previous gyno hadn't properly diagnosed it. She had it successfully treated, and I noticed that our sex life started to improve almost immediately.
Over the last 2 years, things have definitely improved. We're having sex more often, and we're exploring new kinks together like BDSM (just at the absolute most beginner level of BDSM right now, but everyone starts somewhere right?). But despite these improvements, my wife has still not really gotten comfortable talking about sex outside of the bedroom. I theorize that there are 2 possible causes:
Shyness: At certain times, she shows signs of just being really uncomfortable talking about sex. She seems to have trouble saying words like pussy and horny. One time recently we were driving somewhere, we were stuck in traffic, and I wanted to talk about BDSM stuff. The week before was like the first or second time we had tried it, and I wanted to get her feedback on what worked and what didn't. As I mentioned, we're both really still learning what we're doing. After I brought it up, she started blushing profusely and just started saying things like, "Sir, I am a lady!", or "A lady doesn't kiss and tell." I thought she was just trying to be cute or coy, so I laughed at her responses, but then she changed topics without us actually discussing anything. At another point recently, I was trying to ask about types of porn she might like to watch before fooling around, and she seemed to really be put on the spot. She just kept saying things like, "Oh, I don't really know". And then she turned the tables on me and asked what kind of stuff "made me blushy" (I guess she couldn't bring herself to say horny?)
Maybe Talking Kills Ladyboners? There have been other times where she just seems to dislike talking about sex because it's a turnoff. I sometimes have trouble lasting as long as I want during PIV sex, and any time I try apologizing afterwards or talking about it, she always appears super turned off. During our honeymoon at one point, we had a mini argument because I wanted our foreplay to last longer, and she said that I was overthinking things and basically placing too much importance on her orgasm. She told me that she never likes to think about things too much during sex; instead, she prefers to just do whatever feels good in the moment.
Honestly, I think both of these things are contributing factors. And I get it, talking about sex can be uncomfortable. Believe me, there have been times when I want to talk to her about sex, and I sit there for hours trying to figure out how to bring it up, so it's not exactly easy for me either. And I can understand if this does, in fact, destroy her ladyboners. But if she's expecting our sex life to work out without talking about it from time to time, that leaves me needing to do a fair amount of mindreading. And especially now that we are exploring BDSM, if we can't communicate effectively we could be putting our own safety at risk. (By the way, she also seems not to understand the risk of injury inherent to bondage and BDSM play, but that's a story for another day).
So what do you recommend? I've searched websites like Savage Love, Lifehacker, and this one, and everyone seems to unanimously agree that talking about sex is important, but they offer very little advice on how to actually help my wife open up and feel better talking about this sort of thing.
TL;DR- Wife doesn't like talking about sex because she's uncomfortable and/or it kills her Ladyboners.
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2017.10.15 18:30 sexmhelp Bondage gyno exam
I've been in a relationship with my SO (25M) for about 5 months now, and we have a wonderful sex life. In my past relationships I'd never tried sexting or anything, and had only done maybe 3 or 4 positions, but me and my current SO like to try it all! We are both very open about sex, and talk about it often - even bringing a little bit of bondage into the bedroom. It's just fantastic.
My issue is that he can't make me orgasm, and of course I don't expect him to be able to because I can't really help him - as I have never masturbated! That's not to say I have never had an orgasm, because I have them in my sleep occasionally and they wake me up, which is always strange but nice. I have never cum from being with a partner before however.
The reason I don't masturbate is because I've never wanted to. I am not religious and I've never felt shame (it's actually more the opposite, I'm surrounded by sex-positive women and I feel abnormal for not doing it). I just don't really like vaginas, I don't like putting tampons in unless I absolutely have to and I hate going to the gyno. So I don't really fancy touching one. That's not to say I haven't tried, because I have, I just don't really like it at all.
Another reason is that I don't get turned on watching porn. Even the high quality, feminist stuff does nothing for me, because in the end they are two strangers having sex and I just can't engage with that.
I want to take my sex life with my SO to the next level, and I know he does too. Especially as he was able to make his ex-girlfriends cum numerous times, squirt, everything. I don't even know where to begin.
TL;DR I don't masturbate because I just don't really fancy it, but I want to help my SO make me orgasm during sex. What would you recommend?
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2014.11.26 11:50 throwawaybecauseofgf Me [20M] with my [20F] girlfriend for a year. I don't feel like a boyfriend anymore. I feel like a stuffed animal.
Short background: we met freshman year, became good friends, I was rejected 3-4 times for various reasons, then November of last year I gained some confidence, made a move, and we've been dating since. I was your typical 'nice guy' and treated her pretty much like a girlfriend (gifts, attention, time, effort) despite her stating she wasn't interested. I didn't do these things because I thought I could earn her affection, I did them because I felt like that's how I could show her how nice of a person I was, and how good of a boyfriend I could be.
In the beginning we were intimate every few days or so, limited only be the lack of private time. After a month, I felt ready, and we had sex. We then did it about once a week for about a month or two. This went down to about once every two weeks towards the end of May. We moved in together in June, and we had sex or did other sexual things about once a week through July. In August I think we were sexual once.
Since then, she can't even bring herself to kiss me for longer than a few seconds. The most intimate things we do now are cuddling, and about once a week she let's me make her a bubble bath and let's me sit in there with her and chat, wash her back, etc., and sometimes she'll let me squeeze her breast if I ask.
Problem Number 1:
I found out she wasn't attracted to me anymore in September as a result of my weight gain and hygiene. I went from about 250lbs last year, to 310 pounds this summer. I started keto a month ago, and after a few hiccups, I'm down to 285 and still losing. I will admit that I haven't had the energy/drive to go to the gym more than once a week, but I'm willing to change this if needed, I just have a feeling that's not the issue anymore. I have a (recently diagnosed) deviated septum which severely inhibits my sense of smell, so it's often difficult to tell if I have BO, if my clothes stink, or if my room smells funny. I've been making a significant effort to do laundry way more often, keep our entire apartment clean, and use deo and shower every day, even if I don't think I need to.
Problem Number 2:
Another issue she has said is that sex is often painful for her. She is short (4'11" compared to my 6'1"), and as a result very small and tight down there. I, on the other hand, am fairly girthy/wide. When we used to have sex, I'd ALWAYS preface it with a long relaxing massage, and usually, as per her taste, engage in some bondage and pain-play (spanking, flogging, etc.), before proceeding to finger her or perform oral, before finally moving to PIV. She was my first, and unfortunately I am weak and O pretty easily. She on the other hand, has never had a partner be able to give her an orgasm (she says she's done it once or twice, but at other times she talks as if she never has). She describes what happens as hitting a brick wall, and that up until a point, everything I do (oral, rubbing, insertion) feels fantastic, but then suddenly it will hurt insanely, to the point that she shuts down and we have to stop completely.
Problem Number 3:
Despite never being in a relationship before, unlike her previous boyfriends my primary focus early on was to make her happy, so I was okay with the fact that she never stimulated me physically. In fact, I don't think she even grabbed my dick until after the 4th or 5th time we had sex. Since then, I'll admit I've gotten selfish. I tried very hard to work with her to help her orgasm, but nothing seemed to work. No matter how relaxed she was, how slowly I went, or what I was doing, she'd always eventually hit that wall. The problem is that, after having sex and (finally) experiencing what it was like to cum from being physically stimulated by another person, I wanted to do it all the time.
Before sex, if she hit that wall, I was fine. I didn't care if I didn't get off. After sex happened, now I feel like something is missing. I feel left out and unrequited if I don't get played with too. Here lies part of the problem I think: I was too happy in the beginning to notice, but she really doesn't seem to care if I get sexually satisfied at all, nor did she seem to notice or care that she was getting all the attention while I was getting none. As time went on, I began to give up on being able to make her orgasm. I figured that I'd need to save up for the hitachi in order to do it. In the meantime, I tended more and more to try to make sure that I got off before she hit that wall. And here lies our problem.
If I wanted to try and make her O, there's a large chance she won't get there, will shut down, and no matter how much I want it, I feel guilty asking her to finish me off. Maybe the first time she did it without asking as she could see I was in some real discomfort and needed it. Twice later I started to ask her to help finish me off, and she was okay with that for a time or two. Hell, for a month or so she was awesome enough to agree to help me get off even if she wasn't in the mood for sex! She was initially disappointed in how long I lasted, so I worked hard to last longer. I forced myself to slow down, did kegels, and focused insanely hard to keep the session going.
The problem was that, by around July, she had begun to refuse to get me off afterwards, and had stopped getting me off at any other time. The last two times we had sex I lasted too long and she would end up hitting that brick wall, and we'd have to stop no matter how turned on I was. So then I started letting myself come earlier again, since I was scared that if I lasted too long, I wouldn't be allowed to at all. I started being careful about how long foreplay lasted, since there had been times where I'd gone too far in the past and we'd had to stop before I even started. As the times we were intimate got further and further apart, I became more and more focused with getting as much as I could out of each one.
Results of Problems/Actions Taken So Far:
I only recently realized this last one, but have since made offers to have 'bondage nights' or 'naked cuddling' or to do things together other than PIV, but she's been completely unresponsive to any of it.
I recognized that I shouldn't expect her to be attracted to someone unhealthy, so I promised her I'd stop pressuring her for sex until I hit 200 pounds. I don't think I can last another week, and I've only just hit 285.
We've talked again and again about this, and each time I try to explain to her that this isn't just something I want, it's something I need, and that getting rejected like this is killing me. She says she's sorry that I need it so much, and feels bad since she just never feels like sex anymore. I think the main problem might be her medications. She's on hormonal birth control AND antidepressants+anxiety meds. She was off BC when we started dating, but quickly started taking them once we were a couple. She was by far the most passionate those first 2-3 weeks, thought that may have been the sexual tension we had between us being released, combined with new relationship bliss.
It seems to me as if the time she began taking her anti-anxiety meds corresponds with the time when we began to have sex significantly less and less. I've asked her to talk to her Gyno about the first one, but I wouldn't ever ask her to stop taking the meds she has for her mental health. She won't make an appointment with her gyno, but she did run out of BC a couple weeks ago, so we'll see if that helps. I'm fine with condoms, but she uses BC to regulate extreme periods.
I feel used. I don't feel like a boyfriend anymore. Today I finally found the words to describe it:
I feel like a big teddy bear that does chores, buy sweet gifts, runs errands, and cooks.I am working so hard to fix my weight, stay clean, and smell good. I do abut 90% of the chores so that they aren't an issue on her to-do list to give her a reason not to have time. I've purchased countless toys she's wanted to try just to get her into the bedroom, as it seems having something new to try is the only thing that will pique her interest anymore.