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Half of UK families now have just one child. But when Sabine Durrant was growing up, only children like her were seen as weird. She recalls a feeling of missing out on excitement, and considers ... I’m the [email protected]**~* he can’t provide that for me. Also, I’m too needy in his estimation, so he shouldn’t have to try and meet those needs. OK, I’m done. But we have kids and just found out he has an aggressive form of prostate cancer. I’m locked in. I’m 16 years old i found out two days ago that i was an indigo i didn’t understand at first so i began reaching, the more information i found the more confused i got i started to ask my mom questions about when i was little, i always knew i was different i conceited with animal more then i did people same with a spirit i knew when i was ... "I just found out why I’m an only child." | Creepypasta Please drop a like and comment if you enjoy! Submit stories to: Do you wonder if you should be concerned about a child's behavior? Are you worried that a child is being abused? Are you concerned about a child or teen's behavior towards another child or teen? Identify the warning signs of sexual abuse. Find out about healthy sexual development. Learn what can be done when a child abuses another child. Get help to talk to other parents about I get why you’ve withdrawn from the child and likely his mother. You are reeling not only from a breakup with your ex but also from an ongoing deception, which makes you question the whole ... Having a child made me realize i’m an introvert and I love having one on one relationship with my child, it’s fun and relaxed. Also after years of not having a job I enjoy or not having one at all, over the last two years developed my business and it literally just over couple of weeks ago started getting of the ground. I just found out why I’m an only child. You know how it goes. They tell you you’re the perfect child. You were so perfect that they didn’t want to have any more. You’re smart, caring, sociable. Any goal they set for you is reached. Any goal you set for yourself is too high, but you reach it anyways. I'm on the phone with Owen Williams (not his real name), who just found out yesterday that the tired child I hear crying in the background, the child he's been rocking to sleep every night, the ... I'm 23, only child and I just found out, I'm not my parents' real kid. (self.offmychest) submitted 10 months ago * by Dvdert6. Hi! I have a story I wanted to share. It happened just hours ago. I have a huge extended family, cuz my mom and dad have many siblings. I grew up to this lavish (for me it is lavish but we are not rich) lifestyle.

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You know how it goes. They tell you you’re the perfect child. You were so perfect that they didn’t want to have any more. You’re smart, caring, sociable. Any goal they set for you is reached. Any goal you set for yourself is too high, but you reach it anyways.
I imagine that is how most only children feel at some point. My parents are wonderful people, and I think most of what they say about me is true, even if they tend to sugarcoat it. Now that I’m in college, I do some more questionable things that they might not approve of, but who doesn’t?
In truth, I’m not as perfect as they make me out to be. I’m an above-average student, but I’m not pre-med or engineering. I’m majoring in economics. I do well, I get solid A’s and a few B’s, and I’m active in a couple clubs. I still have no idea what I want to do in life, though.
I’ve only dated one girl, all the way back in sophomore year of high school. The relationship fell apart at the beginning of senior year. We split amicably, I think. Since then, I just haven’t found anyone. You know how it is, scrolling through Tinder and finding so many prospects but then realizing that all of them are either assholes or comically awkward.
Does it bother me? No. None of it does. I couldn’t care less if I’m dating or doing well in school. As long as I’m maintaining my GPA and having fun, classes don’t bother me. I go to parties, I hang out with friends, I smoke a bit of weed every now and then. I’m living the college life.
Well, I was. Then I had this conversation with my dad my freshman year. I’m a senior now. It seemed harmless enough. He asked how my week went, and I told him fine. I asked how he and mom were doing, and he said fine. He asked me what my grades were. Normal, I told him. A’s and B’s. He was satisfied.
Before he hung up, he admitted something to me. “Grant,” he said. “Have you noticed anything strange lately?”
I was dumbfounded. “No, Dad. What do you mean?”
“I don’t know.”
He left it at that, and I could only speculate what he had meant. He wouldn’t elaborate. He only told me to have a great rest of my day.
The next evening, he washed up dead on the riverbank.
After two weeks, the police gave up. They said the cause of death was drowning. The autopsy matched up, I guess. They don’t know who did it. The fact that there was foul play is obvious, because my dad was stripped of his wedding ring and clothes and he lived far away from the river.
I had to fly halfway across the country for the funeral. I ended up taking incompletes for my classes that semester. The day would not move fast enough. The services took forever. I don’t remember much, only shaking a lot of people’s hands and watching my mother fall apart. That was the hardest part, I think, watching her sob uncontrollably. Nothing is more disturbing than watching a loved one break down like that. It hits hard, harder than a punch or a knife to the gut. It twists your stomach until you can’t eat anymore, can’t sleep, or maybe you sleep for fifteen hours and still feel exhausted.
I don’t like to dwell on the funeral, so I won’t. I’ll let your imagination fill in the blanks. You can picture what it was like.
I returned to school the next semester. Everyone was sympathetic, but at the same time they gave me space. They knew I didn’t want to talk about it. What college student would? How weird would that have been, breaking down at a party or in the middle of class and talking about my dead dad? Normal, yes, but also embarrassing as hell.
Nevertheless, I found myself talking about it with some girl. I was drunk, way too drunk for my own good. One thing they don’t tell you at parties is how to pace yourself. College kids don’t have much tolerance for alcohol. A couple beers is all it takes to get wasted, for some of us.
I was a little different. I’m tall, over six feet, so I could take more than most. Still, I had only been to a handful of parties at that point. It only took a couple hours to lose self-control.
The girl was pretty. I remember that, though I don’t remember what she actually looked like. She consoled me for a while. I don’t remember why I was talking about my dad, either. I’m sure she had heard the story already. Word got around campus fast. She still listened.
I’m not sure how it escalated, but one thing led to another, and the next thing I remember she was sucking my dick in a closet. Sounds bad, I know, and it was. Not as bad as some of the other things, though. Someone had brought coke- thank God I didn’t go for that- and as we’d made our way to the back of the house, I saw a couple having sex on the couch. In the middle of the room. People were just walking around them like it was nothing.
At least I wore a condom?
Whatever. College is crazy. Case closed. Right?
I wish it were that simple. Thing is, after we had sex the girl, understandably, left me by myself. Probably went to blow some other guy. I went back into the main room, and that’s when things started to go to shit.
They were still doing coke. One of the guys offered some. When I declined, he pressed a straw into my hand instead. I told him he could go shove it. For some reason, the guy didn’t react. He just turned back to the table.
I knew I had to get out of there. Getting caught with alcohol is one thing. But coke? I could go to prison for that. I started extracting myself from the room when I heard it.
There was someone in the bathroom at the top of the stairs. They were whimpering. My first guess was sex, because I’d seen so much of it already that night. But there was only one voice, and the whimpers sounded like pain. Then there was a thud.
I knocked on the door. No response. I rattled the doorknob, and of course it was locked. Then I kicked the door in. The guy that I’d heard was on the floor. There was a little blood, but most startling was the pool of vomit and the guy’s facial expression. He looked dead. I checked his pulse, determined that he was indeed alive, then rolled him onto his side and pulled out my phone to call an ambulance.
That’s when I saw the shadow. It was so faint. I’m not sure how I noticed, really, except for the fact that it shifted. I looked at the shower curtain. Fear settled in my stomach then. I realized that I was in a room on the second floor, far from the rest of the party, with no one but the passed-out guy within calling distance.
The shadow was just from a headlight outside. I began to breath again. Then I felt the hand on my shoulder.
I tried to scream. Another hand slowly closed around my mouth. It was cold and leathery, and wet. I tasted what was probably blood, and I suspected it was from the hand. I began to hyperventilate, which, as you might have guessed, was a really bad idea when my airway was being blocked. I pretty much was asking to lose consciousness.
The hand that had grabbed my shoulder moved down my back. I felt what I can only describe as a tonguelike protrusion running over my neck. I trembled. I figured I was about to die. I would be lying on the floor like this guy, killed by a monster, and no one would find us until next morning at the earliest, and undoubtedly they would think I died the same way as him.
Amazingly, my first thought was of my mom. She couldn’t deal with another death in the family. She would lose it, as anyone would. That, more than the immediate threat that had presented itself, chilled me.
That’s when I ripped the hand from my mouth and screamed. The hand fell on the floor, disintegrated into dust, and I screamed some more.
Whatever had been behind me was gone. I knew it the second it left, because the room suddenly warmed up. I had not realized it had been so cold. Probably I had been too caught up in the moment. The temperature now was like a sauna in comparison.
I looked around frantically. I examined the walls, the ceiling, brushed back the shower curtain, peered carefully behind the toilet. There was nothing. I sat there on the floor for a while, waiting for the shadow and the monster to return. My skin crawled, thinking of that leathery hand on my mouth, the tongue leaving saliva on my neck.
If I had been doing coke, I could have chalked it up to a hallucination. But I’d been clean. I’d had a few beers, but at that moment I was pretty lucid. I was certainly more lucid than the guy on the floor.
I had forgotten about him, actually. I looked at my phone, which had fallen on the floor during my encounter with the shadow, and I picked it up. I dialed 911, told them what had happened, then left. The next morning half a dozen people were looking at drug charges in addition to underage drinking.
The guy that I found? He recovered. I think after that he didn’t go to any more parties. I don’t blame him. His blood alcohol content was .35, if I remember correctly. He should have been dead.
I didn’t go to many other parties, but for a different reason. My name had not been used in the paper, so my mom didn’t know. There was no pressure from her or anyone else, least of all the police, who chastised me but were happy that I did the right thing. No, it was the shadow that stopped me. I didn’t want to be in a place where everyone was drunk or coked out again, because if I was that shadow could return and probably kill me. I’m certain that it left because it thought others would find it. It was waiting for a time when I was alone.
Much better to stay home, in the safety of the dorms, with my two other roommates and the dozen others that were within earshot and sober. Much better to forget what had happened, chalk it up to stress or a laced drink, and go on with my life as I had before.
Thing is, it’s never that simple. I wasn’t able to forget about the monster, because that wasn’t the last time I saw it.
My roommates were out, and I was by myself. That was the first mistake. Jason had gone to a D&D game. Richard had been invited to a party by one of the football players, somehow. He’s not athletic, not particularly impressive in any way, but he’s chill as hell. Everyone is his friend, which is probably how he got invited.
I wasn’t doing much. I was not alone, either. There were people on either side of my room, behind the walls, guys who were probably jerking off or playing video games. Me? I was reading a book. I know, not exactly what you would expect from someone my age. But I like reading. I especially like Stephen King (which may have been the wrong thing to read at that moment), and that’s what I was reading when I heard the noise.
I didn’t react to it. I figured someone was outside. We lived in suites, where four or five rooms shared a semi-private bathroom. It was a hell of a lot better than the bathrooms in other dorms, which were set up for entire floors. Here you could have some privacy.
The bathroom door closed. There was a loud grunt, then a plop. I sighed. It was probably Randolph. He takes the largest shits of anyone I have ever known. He can sit there for twenty minutes and keep dropping them. Usually we have to use the plunger or call maintenance when that happens. That night, though, would be different.
He gave out a yelp, and then I heard the door slam. I looked up. My door was partially closed, so I walked over to open it, and that’s when I saw him. He was slumped over on the toilet.
I ran over to him, ignored the penis in his hands, and checked for a pulse. He seemed fine. There were no wounds on him. He hadn’t moved, either, had obviously passed out on the seat. So how had the door been flung open?
I felt it again. The hand. It was on my arm this time. I would have let out a scream had it not clamped down. It felt like my bones were being grinded together. The pain was so immense that my vision flickered, and I could only whimper.
I was thrown back into my room. Somehow, I landed on my bed. Then I saw it. The monster was there, standing in the doorway. Perhaps demon is a better word. It was tall, maybe seven or eight feet, and it was completely black. I don’t mean black as in a black laptop or shirt or an xbox. This thing defied logic. It seemed to be so dark that light did nothing to illuminate it.
It had horns, antler-like but distinct in that they came from the side of its head and were not very long. The eyes were the worst. They were coal-black, with tinges of red where white should have been. And they were looking straight at me.
I did scream then. Someone said something in an adjacent room. The demon’s head whipped to the side unnaturally, like a kid whipping a pool noodle, and then it scrambled into the ceiling. Yeah, you read that right. It went into the ceiling, climbed up the walls like a drugged-up lizard and just phased through the tiles.
I didn’t move until the RA came over. He noticed Randolph first. Surprisingly, he did not make any snide remarks about Randolph’s dick. He called campus police before asking me what had happened. I told him. I asked if I would be in trouble. He said no way, because I obviously had not hurt Randolph. What had happened to him was a mystery.
Well, until the police arrived. They took him in, and I heard that he tested positive for MDMA. Ecstasy. I had not known him to be the druggie type. I mean, most college students experiment, but doing it in the dorm? It was asking for trouble. And Randolph was not stupid. He was a lot smarter than me, got a single B first semester and didn’t have to study as hard as most of us.
I wished he had been awake to see the demon. If he had been, of course, I suspect the demon would not have showed. It seemed to be fixated on me and me alone. It did not want to be seen by others. That was a comfort, I suppose, if not downright terrifying. There would be moments, I was sure, where I was forced to be alone. In the dorm or at a party or in a bathroom between classes… forgive me for the cliché, but the possibilities were endless.
So I told my roommates about what had happened. They didn’t get back until late that night, well after I had gone to sleep. I don’t know how I did. I guess I’m a heavy sleeper, is all. You kind of have to be if you want any rest in a dorm, at least one as rowdy as ours can get.
None of us had classes the next morning. Jason was skeptical, as he should have been. If he had told me about monsters and demons, I wouldn’t have believed him. Richard was more open to the idea, but he didn’t seem to care. He told me to chill out. I was too stressed, he said. Did I need to talk about what had happened last semester?
“It has nothing to do with that,” I snapped.
He raised his hands. “Hey, dude, don’t yell at me. I’m just trying to help.”
“Yeah,” I told him. “I know.”
“Then listen to me, man. You need to take a breather. When’s the last time you went to a party? Hey, you know what, I’ve got the perfect idea. I met this girl last night. Super hot and friendly. She’s your type. I think-“
“I’m not looking for a hookup,” I said flatly.
“What? You’re gonna turn down sex?”
I stared at him, and I think he finally got the message. He shut up.
“I have an idea,” Jason said. “What if we set up surveillance? I know a place where we can get hidden cameras. It’s not far from campus. I’ll get them after class Friday. If it doesn’t like being watched, like you say, then it shouldn’t bother you again.”
I knew Jason didn’t believe me. Still, the fact that he wanted to ease my nerves meant a lot. He’s not the most outgoing kind of guy. He’s a nerd, a chemistry student with a passion for chemistry and nothing else. He’s involved in academic extracurriculars only. I think he’s dated before, but I never learned the details. He doesn’t talk about girls. I only know that there’s this one girl in my English class, Jessica, who says he’s a creep.
We stuck to the plan. It wasn’t foolproof- I would find myself alone outside of the dorm eventually- but it was good enough. As it turned out, I would be by myself Saturday morning. Jason had a club meeting that for some reason had not been held during the week, and Richard was going on a date. He has unconventional good looks- long black hair, brown eyes, thin beard with just the right shape- and he’s smooth. Like, more smooth than should be humanly possible. He’s chill around us and chiller around girls, like he’s known them forever. They love that about him, how genuine he can be.
I begged one of them to stay. Jason told me, understandably, that he couldn’t miss the meeting. Richard was not about to ghost the girl he had been building a relationship with for the past month. Jason said I could always call for the RA or other guys in the dorm. I figured he was right. I also figured I didn’t want the demon to show up at all. Screw proving it to my roommates- I just wanted it to go away.
It didn’t appear until two hours after Jason left. Richard had already been gone for a while, had probably made his way back to the girl’s room. I heard it before I saw it. The demon made a slithering sound when it walked. I had not noticed before because it always appeared, never really moved across the room.
I looked up. You’d think seeing it two times before would make it less scary. You’d be wrong. Having a seven-foot, black-skinned behemoth with antlers and red eyes stand over you, it’s just too much. I screamed like a girl. I guess that time it didn’t get close enough to shut me up.
Its head darted toward the door, and for some reason I took my eyes off the thing. Jason was standing there with his backpack in his hand. His jaw had dropped so far open I thought he would shriek like one of those possessed people in horror movies. The demon skittered up the wall and through the ceiling.
We looked at each other for a while, neither of us speaking. He was still holding his backpack in one hand. I was halfway out of my chair, frozen, ready to spring up at the sight of another monster. Finally he dropped his backpack, and I fell into my seat.
“What the fuck was that?” Jason said. His words startled me. I almost never heard him swear.
“It’s what I told you about,” I said. Even as I spoke, Jason was climbing on the bed, reaching for one of the cameras, taking it down and hooking it up to his laptop. “Now you believe me?”
“I think I have to,” he said, laughing nervously. “Unless we’re both insane.”
He tinkered with his laptop for a while. When he started cursing, I walked over and asked what the problem was. He just pointed to the screen. I looked and saw the timestamp in the bottom left corner. Twenty minutes ago, about when he had walked in and saw the demon. The room was empty. Then I saw him appear in the doorway, flabbergasted, before climbing on the bed and taking down the camera. The footage ended there.
“It didn’t show up,” I said.
“We’re both crazy, after all,” he told me.
“No, we’re not. Think about it. Would a demon want to show itself? This is the first time someone else has seen it. If you hadn’t walked in when you did, I doubt you would have ever gotten your proof.”
He rubbed his chin. “You might be right.”
“You can’t tell me you think that was a hallucination. I told you about it earlier this week. How the hell do you explain seeing what I had already seen?”
“Yeah,” Jason sighed. “I just was hoping it wasn’t real.”
We talked about it for a while. He wanted to know exactly what had happened at the party. I wasn’t sure what good it would do, but I told him anyways. There was no harm in sharing. Besides, I wanted to tell someone. I had only mentioned the demon in vague details when I had first seen it. Telling the whole story, about how it had emerged from a shadow and almost suffocated me to death, that would have been a red flag for sure. Jason would have referred me to the counseling office.
We waited for Richard to get home. When he did, he was drunk on ecstasy or alcohol or both. I don’t mean the drug ecstasy, either. He was grinning stupidly, and I was sure he’d have some wild sex story to talk about. Before he could share, Jason started explaining rapidly what had happened, and he sobered up fast.
Richard hadn’t been skeptical from the start. Hearing Jason talk about the demon only made him more convinced. He wanted to summon it immediately and fight.
“We’ll be killed,” I told him.
“Nah,” he said. “I can call in some of my buddies. I think one of them, that football player that lives off campus? I think he has a gun.”
“Jesus, Rich,” Jason said. “You want to bring a gun into the dorm?”
He shrugged. “Would they blame us if we were hunting a demon?”
“Yes, they would,” I told him. “There are no guns allowed. Besides, the thing didn’t show up on camera.”
“Oh. Right.”
We hinged on a plan that admittedly had more flaws than a third-grade essay. Jason did some research. He had to go through the deep web, which I know nothing about, and he found some information. First, he determined that, from my description, the demon supposedly took away men’s fertility.
Had it killed my father?
I didn’t want to think about that. It hardly mattered what had happened, because the past would not change.
We didn’t really find anything on how to kill the demon. Jason had a few suggestions based on the show Supernatural, but I shot those down. I figured a fictional series would know nothing about real life. Unless those were real, he told me. I’d seen a little of the show myself, and I insisted that what I had seen was very different than a demon occupying a human host.
In the end, we had no idea what the hell we were doing. We just made a conglomeration of different precautions. Jason bought some salt, Richard brought a hunting knife (that, unlike a gun, might not get me expelled), I asked around and found out that most of my friends found me crazy. I understood. If one of them had come to me asking about demons, I would have acted the same.
Richard also asked some of his friends for help. Somehow, they believed him. I’m not sure if it’s because of Richard’s charisma or because he never lies or both. Whatever the case, he actually found someone who claimed to know a thing or two.
She was an old woman, and she met with Richard during the week. He came back and told us that the demon took the fertility of older men, then killed them. I asked why it was stalking me. He said they did not like leaving any descendants.
I think that’s when I realized: this thing had been hunting my dad. It seemed so obvious now. There are many, many people in the world that purposefully have one child. My parents, though? I knew immediately what had happened. This demon had stalked my dad. It had killed him, too, and now it, as Richard had said, wanted to finish the job.
That was when I stopped caring. I didn’t mind that what we were doing was crazy. I didn’t mind the possibility of a horrible death, because it was quite likely given our meager preparations. I was dead anyways, and that knowledge made me more confident in what we were doing, as strange as it may sound.
After my dad died, I was never angry. My mom was, for sure; she blamed the police for botching the investigation, when in fact there was absolutely no evidence for them to use. I had understood. My dad had been murdered, yes, but without a perpetrator I had not been able to direct any anger I might have felt.
Now it was different. I wanted to confront this demon and rip its eyes from its sockets. I wanted to send it back to Hell, or send it there for the first time if it had never visited, and let it suffer for all eternity. I couldn’t know if my dad was the only victim. He probably hadn’t been. Most of the time, the demon tended to pray on men that had no children.
I’m not sure how it made a mistake with me. I just knew that the mistake would be its last.
I was sitting on my bed, surrounded by salt, holding a knife and a bottle of holy water with Jason and Richard waiting down the hall. They had closed the door, and to make themselves inconspicuous they were pretending to work on homework. In reality, they were waiting for me to call for help, if I needed it. I suspected I would.
Richard had dug deeper into his network of friends. He had spoken to a mother of a friend of a friend who owned an antique shop. She apparently owned a ceremonial dagger from the Middle Ages. She allowed him to borrow it for a price, so long as he brought it back in good condition. I don’t think she knew what we were using it for.
I felt the demon before I saw it. The room grew cold. I don’t mean chilly, I mean cold, like those walk-in freezers. Jason likened it to a cold room he had used during research. I don’t know anything about those, but maybe the analogy is useful for someone else.
It still scared me. The tall black figure with its truncated antlers was so unnatural, I figured I would never get used to seeing it. When it appeared in front of me and reached out a hand- I noticed now that the hand was covered in dry, cracked, human skin- I wanted to scream. I didn’t. I reached out my knife and stabbed it in the arm.
It didn’t flinch. The hand kept moving and grasped my neck. I could feel the dry skin shed and fall down the front of my shirt. I wanted to gag. The roughness of the hand drew blood. Instead of freezing up, I managed to open my bottle of holy water and toss it.
That did something. The demon let out this whine that I can liken only to an electronic device. It backed up, and I tossed more water on its face. The skin started to melt. I thought I had succeeded, but then bone began to surface from beneath, forming what looked like a grinning animal skull that was gnashing its teeth.
I screamed then. Richard burst into the room and threw his knife. Somehow it landed in the demon’s chest. That’s what did it, I think. It screamed so loud I thought I’d lose my hearing. My ears rang, and Richard was saying something to me, but my attention was fixated on the center of the room. The demon had tripped over a particularly large pile of salt. It was melting, taking the floor with it, like we had dropped a bottle of acid. There was a hole next to my bed.
I ignored what he and Jason were saying. I kept my eyes on the floor, watching the hole widen. It stopped, and when I finally turned towards my roommates, an RA was staring at us through the open doorway, frozen in place, fixated on the same thing that I had been.
He must have also noticed the antlers next to the hole.
The official report said nothing. It could not determine what had happened in the room. The RA didn’t believe our story. No other explanations emerged, though. I was told that no acid could eat through the floor as quickly as the demon’s remains had. Thank God Jason still had cameras up, because they showed exactly what had happened, though without the demon it just showed a hole opening up in the carpet.
Richard lost the knife and had to fork over a whopping two thousand dollars. He told us it was a bargain. The item had been priceless, most likely, and the woman could have bankrupted him for losing it.
I haven’t been haunted by anything since that incident freshman year. I started going to parties again. Jason moved on, pretending that none of it had happened, but Richard had a fantastic story to share with people. Most didn’t believe him. Some egged him on. A choice few took what he said too seriously, offering him other demon-hunting supplies. He laughed them off, saying the problem had been dealt with, so they instead came to me and explained the seriousness of my situation. I shook them off, too. What was I supposed to do? Start stockpiling ceremonial weapons and holy water?
I never told my mom. She wouldn’t have believed me. She didn’t hear about what had happened in the room, either. The footage showed us doing nothing, only me staring at a bunch of salt as it started dissolving the floor. None of us got in trouble. They didn’t even care that I had a knife sticking out of the wall. I guess they were too preoccupied with the rest of the scene.
I wish I could give you some dramatic conclusion, a fight that lasted for hours or an epic chase. On second thought, I’m glad I can’t describe that, but the truth is that what happened was pretty simple. I tossed some water and Richard threw a knife. That was it. The whole thing took thirty seconds at most.
It seems that most things in life are anticlimactic. An exciting movie, a first date, graduation- once it’s over, you’re left with a certain emptiness, like whatever you just did shouldn’t have ended so quickly. They say time flies (I hate that cliché), but it doesn’t. What happens is we expect things to be greater than they really are. We imagine some grand outcome, beyond what reality can provide us, and it almost never goes that way.
I can’t know for sure that I will be safe for the rest of my life. I only know that I’ve gotten through college unscathed so far. If there is another encounter, it won’t end well, because I won’t be prepared this time. It will be different, surely, a more dangerous monster or just a surprise attack when I least expect it. I definitely won’t write another story about it, because I’ll probably be dead.
If you hear about some university kid that dropped dead of a heart attack or washed up in a river, it will probably be me.
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2020.09.18 14:47 BuckRowdy [Update] The rise and fall and the depths of depravity of pedophile Jared Fogle from Subway.

This is an updated and edited version of a post I originally submitted at /redditcrimecommunity. It's been updated with the latest info.
I used to be kind of obsessed with the idea of Jared from Subway. He always seemed like nothing more than wallpaper in a commercial, a guy whose job amounted to holding up a comically giant pair of pants for seconds at a time in commercials. How much do you think they paid that guy to do that?
I used to search to see if I could find out Jared's salary or his net worth because to me it seemed like he had the easiest job in the world. Just stand there and smile, hold up the giant pants, shake a few kids hands at store openings and other corporate promotional events; essentially play the character of Jared from the Subway commercials.
The Midwestern everyman who once weighed over 425 pounds and lost it all by eating at Subway every day. Of course the fine print at the bottom of the screen gave the wider context to his weight loss routine, but there was a much wider, much darker context to Jared's story that would only be revealed years later.
Jared started working for Subway in 2000. By 2005 they had stopped featuring him in commercials and their sales declined by 10%. They quickly reinstated him and he was a fixture ever since.
It is true that Jared did lose the weight, and he did do it in part by eating at Subway.
At this point it would be reasonable to ask how did he get the money as a college student to eat all his meals at Subway?
Because he was running a porn video rental business out of his apartment at the time and had an extensive collection. You've got to remember that this was in an era where media of all types was more difficult to obtain. You didn't have everything at your fingertips back then.
Subway opened up on the ground floor and Jared was lazy so he started eating all his meals there.
The rest of Jared's story is marketing mythology. A friend wrote an article in the student newspaper that got published in Men's Health which caught the eye of Subway's marketing department. Jared started working for Subway in 2000 and up until about 2007 it appeared to be a marketing master stroke. That's when the reports started trickling out. In 2007, TMZ published the story about the porn rental business.
We'd learn later that as early as 2008, Subway had received serious reports about Jared from a franchisee in Florida that Jared had befriended at a few store openings. Cindy Mills, the franchisee said:

"He would just tell me he really liked them young," she says. Fogle and Mills had a sexual relationship, which lead Fogle to disclose disturbing details of his criminal activity in lewd text messages.
Mills says she tried to blow the whistle by phoning ad executive Jeff Moody — then CEO of the Subway Franchisee Advertising Fund Trust (SFAFT) — after Fogle had told her that he had sex both in Thailand and the US with child prostitutes between the ages of 9 and 16 years old. According to Mills, Moody stopped her mid-conversation and said, "Don't worry, he has met someone. She is a teacher and he seems to love her very much, and we think she will help keep him grounded." Mills also claims she spoke with two more SFAFT execs after Moody, but ran into more dead ends.
Jared was up to no good for years, but his world really started to crumble in 2015 with the arrest of Russell Taylor. Taylor was Jared's partner in his non-profit charity and he was just as bad as Jared if not worse.
Russell Taylor, the former director of Fogle's anti-childhood obesity foundation, was arrested in April [of 2015] on three counts of possession of child pornography, three counts of child exploitation, and three counts of voyeurism.
Taylor had gotten in trouble for texting a woman a picture of bestiality and suggesting such between the two of them. It's a sick thing to think about, but that's just what Jared and Russell were up to.
In one of those text messages, according to the affidavit, “Russell Taylor asked her if he and another adult female she identified could come to Jane Doe’s residence and engage in” an act of bestiality. The woman did not agree to that request, but told investigators “you could tell (Taylor) was serious.” She also told investigators that “she received an image file via text from Russell Taylor that depicted (another act of bestiality).”
Jared's house was raided and the rest quickly became history. Subway dropped him. Sharknado 3 dropped him. Jared accused Taylor of fraud and sued him. One quarter of the funds of the charity were unaccounted for, and the only money they ever paid out went to Taylor's $73k salary.
I'm no professional but it's hard not to draw the conclusion that Jared was paying Taylor to produce child porn with a non profit charity.
The world found out about Jared in 2015, but in 2007 and 2008 two women were finding out a lot about Jared.
Jared had met a franchisee in Florida and started a sexual relationship with her. She called the FBI when Jared started texting stuff like this:
In one series of texts sent from April 2008, Fogle tries to convince the franchisee, a woman, to advertise herself for sex on Craigslist. She could make $500 per act he explains and he could watch her have sex with other men. Fogle then goes on to apparently admit to paying for sex with a 16-year-old girl off Craigslist.
The woman franchisee writes: "Is this the same website you found that 16 year old you that you f---ed?" the woman replied, according to an affadavit.
The woman got a lawyer and submitted the texts to Subway who sat on them.
Around the same time, Jared met Rochelle Herman Walrond, a journalist who initially remained anonymous, who came forward and said that she got suspicious about Jared when he called middle school girls hot
According to the woman, Jared would often visit schools in Sarasota County, and allegedly told her numerous times that, 'Middle school girls are hot.'"
She contacted the FBI who asked her to wear a wire. She went on to record Jared over a nearly 5 year period, pleading with the FBI to go ahead and arrest him with them always saying that they didn't have enough evidence and needed more.
So she tried to get Jared to incriminate himself. Over that 4.5 year period they talked about a lot of stuff, like that Jared wanted to fly to Thailand to have sex with children.
"I would fly all three of us clear across the world if we need to,"[Jared] says on the tape. "It would just make things a lot easier — if we're going to try and get some young kids with us. It would be a lot easier probably."
He gave her grooming tips:
"Well, if we get them segregated out ... you know, start talking or whatever ... and we get a little closer, and a little closer and a little closer and before you know it ... it just starts to happen," the man's voice says. "But I think that girl from the broken home could be a possibility, you know."
He daydreamed on the phone:
"Do you want to watch me f— a young girl, too?" the voice of Fogle asks. "Will you f— a young boy?" When Herman-Walrond asks if that would turn Fogle on, he responds with a whispered "yeah."
“I had a little boy. It was amazing,” Fogle reportedly said, in response to a question about being with children. “It just felt so good. I mean, it felt—it felt so good.”
He also, allegedly, asked her repeatedly to let him install hidden cameras in her kids’ rooms.
“I had two young children at the time, and he talked to me about installing hidden cameras in their rooms and asked me if I would choose which child I would like him to watch,” she told Inside Edition.
The audio recordings can be heard at this link. She reported him to Subway in 2009 and nothing happened.
At the same time this was happening, Jared was flying to New York to pay for sex with minors. He asked the minors who he paid for sex if they knew anyone else they could recommend, always stressing younger if possible.
Also, according to the charging documents:
Fogle received "images and videos of nude of partially clothed minors engaged in sexually explicit conduct," which were allegedly recorded by Russell Taylor, the former director of the Jared Foundation.
Taylor secretly filmed some of the minors in his home using hidden cameras that captured them changing clothes and bathing.
Taylor was in possession of 400 videos of child pornography upon his arrest.
In 2011, someone else reported Jared to Subway via their website and yet nothing happened.
All this came raining down on Jared in 2015 when his house was raided and he was arrested and later charged with 14 acts of sex involving minors. He was ultimately sentenced to 15 years in jail and had to pay restitution to his 14 of his many victims totaling $1.4 million. His wife divorced him as quick as she could, Subway cut ties with him and the dominoes started to tumble.
All of a sudden the past reports about Jared came to light and Subway didn't have an explanation. Lawsuits started flying. Jared's now ex wife accused Subway of covering up Jared's pedophilia even from her because their marriage made Jared more grounded and more marketable.
It's now a sick joke, but at the same time of jared's arrest, Subway was trying to rebrand him as a family man.
So why didn't Subway act on the various reports it had gotten about Jared over the years? As this site puts it, it was a story bookended by laziness. Jared's laziness brought him to Subway, and their laziness in vetting stories led to the end of the Jared era with a lot of human misery left in his wake.
Subway has waffled in its response. Rather than taking the path of clear messaging and communication, and aiming to transparent and authentic throughout this terrible situation for the victims and Fogle’s family (as well as the brand), the company hasn’t been clear about where it stands in the midst of this crisis. What message was Subway sending to its employees and franchisees by keeping Fogle around for as long as it did?
As soon as he went to jail he instantly gained 30 pounds
In 2016, he filed an appeal which was denied. The DA's office argued:
[that] Fogle's text messages to a woman, in which Fogle stated he would "pay big" if she could procure 14-year-old children, and that he "craved" underage Asian girls. In these text messages, he also expressed sexual interest in young boys, although there is to date no evidence that he paid for sex with male children.
Later that same year, a brawl broke out and Jared was nearly killed in an attack meant to send a message to all pedophiles.
Other than that, rumor has it that Jared has it pretty easy in jail which is disappointing to hear given all that he's responsible for.
In 2017, Fogle tried to pull the Sovereign Citizen defense and claim that the feds didn't have jurisdiction over him which I imagine gave the feds a good laugh. The motion was dismissed.
In 2018, Jared sued to void his conviction going so far as to name the president (among others) as a defendant. It was unclear how the president was involved and Jared was forced to remove him as a defendant.
He claimed:
he was wrongfully allowed to plead guilty to conspiracy to receive child pornography, claiming that conspiracy doesn’t apply to such an offense.
His suit was dismissed.
That same year a woman pen pal of Jared's sold their racy letters to Radar Online. Seen here and here. She also sold a recorded phone call where she and Jared discuss porn and his sexual preferences.
If he wanted to appeal to a parole board, surely sending hand-drawn pictures of his genitalia that later end up on radar online is not a good strategy.
In March 2020, three of associate Russell Taylor's child pornography convictions were overturned for ineffective counsel. He still faces trial on 9 other charges.
In the five years since Fogle was arrested, Subway has been reeling. In 2015, their co-founder passed away and a new CEO was brought in. Internal reports indicate that customer traffic is down 30%. They've laid off over 400 people from the corporate HQ and this summer they had to revoke a promotion due to a franchisee revolt over the pricing.
Subway was associated so long with Jared it may take time for customers to form a new association. They tried to drop him once, struggled, and re-hired him. Clearly Subway lived in denial while Jared was their spokesman and looked the other way as business boomed. The new marketing strategy involves athletes. Time will only tell if they can recover from one of the worst scandals to ever hit a sandwich chain.
As of September 2020, Russell Taylor was being held at a federal prison in Yazoo City, Mississippi; Fogle was being held at a federal prison in Littleton, Colorado.
submitted by BuckRowdy to TrueCrime [link] [comments]

2020.09.08 09:24 theBrawler777 When the answers were given

Hi there fellow trippers,
here's a trip story that id like to share with you. before that lets take a look at my backgrounds in using psychedelic drugs and etc. My first experiences with psychedelics were when I was 14 year old with salvia divinorum and at the age 15 with baby Hawaiian woodrose seeds, at the age of 18-20 used mainly mushrooms. My son was born when I was 20 years old, and I took the parenthood very seriously and stopped all my drug abuse, and I was full sober next 12 years, no medicine, no alcohol, no nicotine, just family life and sports.
I was 12 years sober, but in summer 2018 I started smoking weed, soon I started using coke and in 2019 I had a real problem with that. In the end of 2019 I took lsd, haven't used psychedelics in 13 years and it was a rough experience, I saw this back matter rising from the floor n being like a fountain from a ground to top, and I came a ware that he is the devil and he been walking aside me all my life, I was amazed and hypnotized and felt really good around this thing, he showed me two person in my life , two woman and showed me that we are all linked to him being evil.
I said to him, if u are there walking by side then why don't u give me everything I could do great things, then i asked two things from him, and it spread the the whole room full black and even turned lights out, the lights wouldn't go on even in the morning when The guy Who owned the house was tried to turn them on.
Afterthat I had a encounter with police and ended up in jail for a night.
once I get out, I thought, I'm at the lowest point of my life cos I had problems w coke and I decide I have to stop using it, lil by lil I got out of that, and I started working my life better, but instead of coke was using opioid based meds
in march 2020 I had when corona lockdown happened I lost a lot, I divorced from difficult person, lost a lot in material things,i lost all my business (im a enetepreuner in sports and construction) because of corona and I felt like shit n was also sick all the time.
My dear friend then started to tell me about microdosing and I started to look more on that subject, didn' do the microdonginf of lad but me n my friend started use acid at weekends and I stopped all other drug abuse, I was real happy cos of that, never wouldn't thought lsd would get me rid of opioids that fast!
Lsd brought mysticism and this higher self awareness to me and I started to get really interested about shamanism, herbal medicine, old mythhology, I started to feel like I have lil special powers cos of acid, it helped me see thru people easily and receive and give energy, it presented to me as a real powerful energy and I attract people a lot on that and it even may seem that it made things happen, something always happened when I had 250 micro of acid. I felt powerful and I didn't lack nothing even tho I had a lost really a lot in material things, but I didn't care cos materia wasn't anymore my interest, I felt that I have become the higher awareness of my self a lot, and I was woke.
I got real interested on dmt I watched documentaries and saw this thing real approved by a real smart people and it was popularised.
Not anyone of my friends ever tryed it, so I didn't have any info from the user perspective, and expected this visions of god experience. So the first time I smoked it was something like 10-15mg and I felt evil precense, an intuition tells you if u aware of things that are they good or bad, felt it was devils thing and I looked in the mirror I saw myself real powerful and it cave me teaching that we humans are really the gods we have the power but w don't know that.
it took a while till I smoked it again, I felt that experience was good and made me even more powerful. the second time I took dmt, put 300mg on the base and experienced something real strange, it showed me looking in the mirror in the first time when I used it, there there came reflection 10 mirrors me in everyone of them, and a sign, don't speak, I knew I wasn't supposed to tell about my experinces, I felt like I cracked some simulation cos there was manga style font used in texts that I saw and a lot of things that I felt were asians. the teaching from that were:do not speak about this and asian religious were right.
second time I smoked, put again 300mg this time it showed me first the the visions that I had in my first and second time using dmt, and them it showed me a new vision, the vision showed a a civilization from space another city, it showed me codes and a lot of something that seems away ahead of our technology, the colors they use are red, green,black and they linked to mayans or the sum other natives of America. Its like diapictures shown to me and when I see these I m in a dmt, sleep. the more vivid the visions came I get more hypnotised to them, at the point when they showed a image of this spiral kind a thing made of something organic, and they use this sound that attract you like mystery whispers and breaths of seirens. At that point I usually notice that I don't breath n the more I don't breath more vivid the pics come, I tested it in a sleep and pulled myself out from that, and when I rose from the sleep , I don't feel any need to breath, my heartbeat won't rase I breath deep and I know its the breath of death, its yoga breath I think, don't know even how to do it sober, n then I see the visions open ayes, mystic looking writings in a large stones mayan style. it tought that its been only 5 mins since I took the hit and during the 5 mins I think I took maybe 5 long breaths, when the visions were gone, I looked the clock 30min had passed!!!!That was the first time I started to think that this thing has evil attentions…
i didn't smoke for a while, and one morning I woke up and used the same bong where I had smoked dmt and it had this big tinfoil base, the base was kind a dirty even tho it was empty I didn't expect it to have any dmt in there, I took the hit and everything in my room chanced, it became futuristic, my room is always messy, but now it was neutral and calm and the window was constructed different, it was like the decoration of future, was amazed I was like this is cool but then I noticed I don't breath, and I started to do the yoga breath again, my girl was on the bed and was like "Teemu what the fuck?"
i had kept all my psychedelic use hidden from her , and I was about to get busted if I don't have n explanation, the whole time I breathed the yoga breath and felt like a different being n said "oh nothings wrong feeling real dizzy and I love you" and started to cuddle with her to make her happy, then like a similar view that predator has in a movie predator they like scanned my GF and I saw these unknown text in her and a sign of a black skull appears in her forehead, my girl knew I see something, and I was like all good baby just look deep into my eyes, I thought they helped me cos this girl was real mess and kinda evil, that they showed that to me, asked my girl to look deeply in my eyes and I kind a like prayed them to take the evil outta her, then we fucked like in a really strange position and they even scanned her pussy like there were this arrows n litle text if her clit n stuff.
After that I had a feeling that they were tryna help me, but somehow I knew by them colors and symbols that they are a race that goes a lot battles, and was really into some warware.
After that I didn't smoke for a while cos it kind messed me, I didn't know what to think about my girl, I knew she was bad and did a lot shit to me, is she, I couldn't be sure, cos I knew evil wants all love destroyed, but that girl wants no good for me anyway she caused a lot of shit to me.
Week later i tough her how to strangle safe during sex, and ended up allmost beig killed cos she strangeled me till my ears popped and I woke, n she knew exacly what she was doing. I smoked dmt like 3 weeks after that and this time I took dmt sleep, they showed me, you know like they say your life runs infront of your eyes when u die, but instead of that they show my previous dmt trips starting from a beginning, then comes the images of a humanoid in parallel universe doing what I do, putting things a way from hands and going for a dmt sleep, then they show me futuristic cityes , their race and something about their army, they have the colors of war Maya/Inca style, the same colors nature use in animals green, red, black to scare predators away, vision ending up again in flesh spiral and sounds, n me not breathing, and the fact were I start to pay attention that do I breath is that there is some nice looking entity always looking me like "hey im gonna just sit here and watch you do a mistake" I detect hesistaion and a lie easily even from a entity, and the fact that they being so advanced, so why they pay so much attension to me.
still I thought that was a good trip, and to tell im always really happy after smoking dmt and feel so fresh and religious like I have been touched something real holy
Another 3 or 4 weeks passed an d I thought, that I want have breakthrough experience, this time I had dmt in Chrystal form and iv put about 75mg in a pipe, from that pipe I took the a hit like never before, I kept sucking the pipe soo long I could see reality starting ti shatter I just continued and continued and I think there was some left in there when I stopped and went to ground for a sleep.
I was in a forest and I laid my head on a small rock, but the sound when my head softly hit the rock was like I had smashed my head real strong in there, and I also heard this another crack in my skull in side of my forehead, this Time again came the previous visions and when I saw the fleshspinal, I didn't woke up so fast and I felt like someones entering without my permission, I had to use all my forces to get up, I got up and everything was diffrent, misty red, green and purple colors from a ground, I wasn't sure where I a live, I needed to breath, I started breath again deeply, even tho I didnt feel any need to breath but this time I knew just the breathng won't help mi got to pray cos I wasn't sure how long I had been on a ground, I started to pray and closed my eyes they pulled me back to sleep, without me even noticing that, I was like shit I need to move that I sure im alive , started moving and telling that im human and thinking everything about humanity and that no one else don't have right to enter my mind, i felt like shit n took the camera out and thru that I saw shallow forms behind me and me looking possessed, ill put the pics here in a comment section. I left the forest and thought I was lucky to survive.
After that, I didn't want to smoke dmt until I would known is it safe, my mentors said to me that you have to die in there and I would break thru after that, I believed them and didn't feel there's any problem on this subject, cos iv read similiar toughs a lot lets say in this group also.
So another two weeks went by and was really curious to drink an ayahuasc potion I had, but I wasn't sure of doing that, but it was a lot on my mind, I was anxious and tried to get some lsd but didn't get none in a week, I felt like u shouldn't be this addict when u do psychedelics, but I couldn't help myself with the need of these mystic experinces, was hooked on finding the thruth of them, and the existence of human and everything hidden.
I was scared to drink the ayahuasca alone, and the more I duck info about it I came to know that it has to be used traditional and in the supervising of a shaman, I begun to understand that this is a holy plant and potion, and this is where almighty dmt came, and I need threat this subject with honor and respect, after all it was vine of gods
So now I was real eager to have psychedelic experience, tried to get lsd didn’t get any even tho I tried for a week, but there were non and all the blackmarket stuff here were fake.
So i bought mushrooms, I ate 7 grams of some amazon mushrooms, after my last dmt trip where I could pull my self of the breakthrough experience my mind was real strong cos by reminding that im a human and im a physical being im stronger than anyspirit, I ate em and everything turned into dmt realm, but was sick n tired of that world and I didn’t pay any attention on the to the visions and hallucinations I, knew that they were not definitely anything to do with god or the highest or even with my own mind
I felt tired my family was at home and I tryed to sleep, but when I closed my eyes I heard this beep sounds like someone tryna send a code by morsing, my babymomma and daughter went shopping and i stayed home
I didnt care about shit anymore about of these mystic thing, I knew we aint in a gates to revelation with these things I said to my self, these are just a drugs nothing to do with gods, the sacred ayahuasca can go down from a toiled it came from a culture of human sacrifices so nothing sacred about it, so down toilet I flush the Ayahusca, down the toilet went also ”spirit molecule” right were it belongs, the mushrooms couldn’t affect me anymore I was able to shut down their will cos im stronger than them.
I felt a sudden need of giving pray, I prayed shortly, and I notice from my dog that it sensed something like he was watching someone and was affraid, then I knew I was dealing with lowest coward of them all, the devil and I must tell you that im not from a christian family or ever belonged to church, but I always knew good guys are gods guys, n u can still be sort of a gangsta,
I said oh you don’t like prayers and well now you going to listen them, u tried to take a good man with your potions and geometric pics and illusions, now you gonna listen gods words, I took the remote control and I don’t know any ministers or their prayers, but I tried to write on a search field ”good sermon”
Gues what happened as I was tryna wright those letters? someone tried to erase them, I keep telling no no no now you going to listen this , you piece of shit coward after a hard try I managed to write ”good sermon” and I put the first video what came, it was from evangelist Eero Pynnönen and it was called ”the lost vision”
I put that video on, and emediatly felt precense of good in the house I sat in front of tv put my hands on prayer and felt peace, god spoke thru Eero Pynnönen and told me that humans are in the edge of a total loss, people had forgot god and don’t believe in nothing, he said that even to believers try their best people are not interest on saving them selves and we must now find a way to tell people the truth before its too late.
Then he looked me and informed everyone who was with him on a video (the video was shot in a church and there were audience), and he looked me in the eyes and said I see we have new member, lets hear your hurrays, I was so happy and I wawed and smiled and right then I knew why people of christian god and Jesus are so happy and positive, I knew devil was still there and I wanted to put the volume maximum and I had a battle with the devil he tried to put it lower but I won that battle and opened a door and said now you going to away from this house , then I paid attentsion what god spoke, and he said at that point ”that I won’t do yeat” I understood that it had something to do with me being part of that process how we get devil outta of the house, I wanted to demonstrate more disrespect towards devil by breaking the ayahusca and I yelled down you go to toilet you peace of shit, but then I thought, I have to teach this thing love and I told following:
”me im a good person by my nature, every man is born good intension, god has created us to be loving creatures, and im really a perfect example of that, I think im a gangsta but actually I get used a lot cos im nice and good by my true nature, and if someone hurts me I don’t even get mad I just cant, pretend that im mad cos that’s how the world rolls, we are not performing in our true nature. I actually love every people and that is Teemu is by his true nature, and that is the true nature of every people”
At this point I wasn’t in front of tv and now that I wasn’t in front of tv devil shouted thru tv tried to tell something about my childhood but it didn’t affect me so he just cursed and stuff, last time I went in front of tv the Reverant said that I must become and evangelist and praise god and Jesus, satan was real strong and he had gone over tv twisting the evangelist face , I prayed and told god now satan is real strong he twistes you in tv.
I knew devil hates when someone shouts out loud that he is man of god and Jesus and I decided to run outside and yell to whole neighborhood who is in charge now and who do I follow, I run outside and tore my shirt away and yelled as loud as I can that ”i believe in the father I heaven and his son, there I no other god than him”
After that I felt in my body that satan tryna kill me, my ears popped and I could hear the crushes on my skull and tingling in my feet cos blood had started to freeze, I raised my hands to prayer and yelled as loud as I can ”Father in heavens plz hear me satan is tryna kill me on my sleep please help me lord”
and I then I felt God helped me didn’t feel dying anymore, but the attack got worse and they were real powerfull, I prayed and yelled god to save me, but still I felt in my body that im being killed after I realized that I might have done a lot of shit in my life, and maybe god don’t help me because of that, I took my hands of the prayer and said, ”but if you don’t help me, then I deserve my destiny, cos I have to pay from my crimes, at this point I could tell I was in hell, after saying that I felt relief and came to conclusion that this is prices of some sort of karma, and I have to admit my sins after every time admiting, my dog came to me she saw these whole thing and when we were inside and in front of tv she was next to me, but outside when devil attacked she was away, but each time admitted my sins and said that I have pay with death from my crimes, my dog came to me and I tough it was sign that now iv made the right thing, but I noticed that even tho it felt right and fro a moment I felt like im not under attack, the attack begun again, then I knew devil was using the dog..this happened so many time sthat I noticed that devil wants take my hands from prayer, cos each time I yelled and felt god won’t listen me and made confession of sins and accepted death I have took my hands out of payer ,then it became I real bad fight once I notice that id be gone if he can take my hands, outta prayer then satan started to do tricks shown me my loved ones and went to hug them (hands outta prayer) and went to satans trick 10 times he putted the pressure on my body and tried to kill me each time I prayed hands crossed and up to the sky, after admitting sins and accepting my destinyt, if hands were together he send hallucinations of my loved ones to comfort and hug me and many times I went to that and took my hands outta prayer, he almost had them…but I kept telling god what happened and yelled him help me
Cos I don’t know bible I didn’t know I have to ask Jesus christ, no one can touch if you confess and pray for Jesus Christ, and none of human don’t have to pay fro a crimes, that is never-ending darkness the punishing, the price of our sins is already paid and no human don’t ever have to pay it again.
So this really happened in a good neighborhood and ofc cops came cos people saw me whitout a shirt rolling in ground protecting my hands on a prayer, the moment cops came I felt that devil send them to break my hands, the cops used jiujitsu to break my hands and legs cos I wasn’t going to surrender cos they didn’t know I was batling w devil. I had my hands In their hold a two strong police man, then I yelled to god to give powers to break free, that he didn’t do but I knew that I would have demand it real strong and I f I do it in a name of god, my hands will be freed, I demanded with all power god given to me ”relise my hands immediately I command you in a name of god, and gues what happened? They let me put my hands together, then put chains on my hand and to the legs, but hands stayed in the payer till we got to the hospital, even the ride there I batled satan I told god in which finger devil was now on, but I could feel he losing his power, still it took a while for me to trust that im at hospital, cos devil can control anything you see and even people. The doctors and stuff were afraid of me and I was tied, but when they interviewed me I could see they were surprised I was full rational, and just told that im sorry that I caused a mess, but I came to the christian faith and devil didn’t like it. Im fine now, there were 10 guards when they took me off and I told they don’t have to be afraid that I know this looks bad, but im one of the good guys and they don’t have to worry, I was one night at hospital, psychiatric interviewed me next morning and off to home I went.
When I got home, googled the Evangelist Eero Pynnönen, the tiers started to fall from my eyes when i noticed that he had been in a same orphanage than my father and godfather a long time a go.
This happened two days ago, but I don’t have to worry ever a again in my life, cos now I know where devil lurks he lurks in every negative action, and especially im safe cos I know Jesus got me.

(originally written 06.09.2020)
submitted by theBrawler777 to DMT [link] [comments]

2020.08.24 15:53 Bluebird-Ordinary Finally able to admit I've got a big problem

I’m a recovering porn addict. An addiction that started over 30 years ago (I shake my head in shame and cry when I wrote that) and ended just over a week ago. Because of the time spent with my addiction, I find it almost impossible to maintain an erection and orgasm without porn.
My addiction has cost me relationships, experiences and my mental and physical well being.
I’ve known that I’ve had a problem for decades but I wasn’t able to snap out of it or even admit that I needed to do something about it.
I’m a 44 year old separated father of two. I started very young, around aged 8, when I found porn magazines under my dad’s bed. I was an unhappy kid, struggling to cope with my parents divorce and the dopamine hit that came from seeing those images was a much welcomed hit of pleasure. Now when I think back, this was my way of escaping from reality, something that has followed me into adult life.
I’m a child of the technological revolution that has brought with it a revolution in the availability of porn. I went from magazines and VHS as a child / teenager to unlimited free porn with the rise of high speed internet and websites like pornhub available on any screen I had at my disposal.
My brain craved porn more than sex. I would consume porn at work on my phone while sitting on the toilet. I would watch porn after having sex because I still needed that hit. I’ve been on 8hr cocaine and viagra fuelled masturbation binges where I watch porn and edge for as long as possible or until my dick is too sore to touch. I’d like to say this has only happened once or twice but it happens pretty much every time I’m left alone with cocaine. I’m not me when that happens, it’s like I’m possessed, gorging myself on the dopamine that comes with watching all the videos, and after I get that huge orgasm i’ve been chasing I feel absolutely ashamed and spiral into a pit of guilt. But that hasn’t stopped me from doing it again and again.
The last time this happened was last Saturday, 15th August. I had taken some viagra but was unable to maintain an erection. Not even porn was doing it for me anymore. This, thankfully, was the turning point and, while it’s only been a week or so since it happened, I feel like something has changed in me. I don’t crave porn because I don’t want to be that person anymore. I want to be sexually active and have the touch of a woman or a sexy thought (from the real world) pop into my head and arouse me. It’s only been a week and I feel like I’ve got a bit more energy and my brain is firing on more cylinders than before. It’s encouraging and giving me an incentive to continue.
I’ve found really useful support online like your brain on porn. Understanding how the brain has wired itself to release high levels of dopamine when consuming porn, in the same way as any other addiction, has made me feel like it’s not my fault that I’m like this and so the guilt has been replaced with knowledge.
The other horrible thing about this addiction is the impact it has on other aspects to of my life. The desensitising of normal everyday experiences that should bring joy and the brain fog that has been a permanent haze in my mind for as long as I can remember led me to believe that this is my part of my personality, that this is just who I am. I know now that is isn’t permanent, that it can be removed, that there’s more to life. It feels like I’m slowly waking up. Reading stories from recovered addicts and those still on the path to recovery has been a huge part of me seeing the light and getting to this point. Thank you to everybody who has shared, it really does make a huge difference.
The way I see it, I’ve wasted well over 30 years of my life on this shit. I’ve hidden it from everybody even when I’ve had the opportunity to open up about it in a safe space. I’ve had enough! I don’t want to be that person anymore. I want to be able to have sex without the anxiety of worrying if i’ll be able to keep it up or will I be able to have an orgasm. I want to be in the moment instead of looking in from the outside. I don’t want to lie to myself or anyone else about this anymore.
So cutting out porn completely is the first step. I’ve cut out smoking weed too, another addiction that’s been clouding my brain and something i’ve used as a way to escape. No more porn stops things from getting worse but now I need to fix the damage that’s been done.
I need to let my brain rewire itself (thank fuck for brain elasticity) so that it associates real-world desire, touch and sex with that dopamine hit instead of pixels on a screen. My recovery needs time. The advice is no PMO for at least 90 days, possibly longer as I’ve had this addiction for so long, to give my brain time to unlearn the old habits and rewire itself. That sounds like a huge mountain to climb right now but I’m determined to do it.
The catalyst to me finally deciding to do something about this is a girl I really like. We started chatting on Tinder about a week ago and have been messaging each other everyday. She’s a really nice person, beautiful inside and out, really hot and we get along so well. We’ve been sending each other sexy texts and we started to cam a few days ago. Our cam sessions are super hot, she’s so sexy and I really like watching her but at the same time I know I shouldn’t be doing this as I know it’s not helping with my recovery but, like my addiction to porn, I didn’t want to admit that to myself or to her. We’ve had a few cam sessions now and last night she asked me why I don’t orgasm when we cam together. I could tell I was causing some insecurities and I really didn’t want to do that to her. I blamed it on not being used to doing things on camera, which is true, but despite being super turned on clearly the PIED/DE is the root cause here. I think because it’s on a screen that I’m able to get hard (plus the fact she’s super hot and ridiculously sexy) but i’m not 100% in the moment with her and I find that so frustrating, it’s such a difficult situation to overcome.
We agreed to see each other in a few days as we are so horny for each other but I could feel myself getting anxious about my PIED/DE. In the past, I would’ve reached for a viagra or something if we had sex but I don’t want to live that life, plus I can’t depend on a pill to do the job and I really don’t want to make her feel insecure if it didn’t work. I also don’t want to lie to her. I’ve done enough of that to last two lifetimes.
Today her I told her about my addiction, how it developed, how it’s affected me over the years...everything. She’s the only person I’ve told. I also told her what I need to do to recover and this is where I made a really bad decision.
I assumed she wouldn’t want anything to do with me. Why would someone want to inherit the trials and tribulations of a recovering porn addict, especially with someone they’ve only know for one week?! I explained that I have to work on myself and that sex or even messing around on cam is not going to help my recovery. I didn’t say that I don’t want to see her again but it wouldn’t exactly be jumping to conclusions to take that away from what I had written.
She was really upset, firstly that I’d waited until after we had cam sex to tell her this and secondly that I’d assumed she was only interested in sex. I should’ve been totally open with her from the start about my addiction and my recovery but I didn’t want to deny myself and in doing so I used her. I’m not proud of myself for that and even less so for hurting her in the process. I’ve hurt too many people because of my addiction and I hated myself for doing it again, especially after I’d managed to get myself into place where I want to change. I hate that my addiction was still affecting my decisions and my ability to develop a connection with someone despite cutting out porn. I assumed sexy texts, photos, videos and cam sessions would be different as it was with a real person who I had a real connection with but that’s not the case.
After we chatted it through and I apologised for being such an idiot she said all I had to say was can we ease up on the sex and just talk instead. She asked me if I still wanted to talk to her and of course I said yes. I mean how kind, right! I was so caught up in my own shit that I didn’t even stop to think that someone else would care. The moral of this bit of the story is be honest, don’t assume people don’t want to help you with your recovery and don’t be so hard on yourself. There are genuinely nice people out there who want to help you.
submitted by Bluebird-Ordinary to PIED [link] [comments]

2020.08.23 19:07 jillloyo True hidden camera sex

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2020.08.23 13:00 Complex_Avocado_6479 True hidden camera sex

Original post by the u/TheGrainLantern.
Following the Epstein "suicide", it's more clear than ever that there is an organization which uses children in pedophilic sex parties, in order to blackmail and control powerful people. These children are frequently murdered by these sick individuals. Some can also be traumatized for the purpose of creating dissociative personalities so they can be mind-controlled. For a full breakdown of the worldwide scandals, see this list and this documentary - both of which are non-exhaustive and already out of date, such is the scale of this operation.
Common traits of these scandals are:

Now ask yourself, what is the one type of organization which can accomplish all of these things? There is only one.
The secret services.
The only organization which would have the authority and the means to accomplish all these feats, to assert such a degree of control over all the outcomes, is military intelligence. Other entities may be involved - billionaires for example - but money can only accomplish so much. Yes you can purchase a newspaper and have journalists write something, but you can't just pay someone to murder someone in a prison and make it look like suicide. Prison security need to be moved, clearance needs to be given. People need to be so scared that they keep their mouth shut. The only way you do this is by having significant amounts of money and resources at your disposal, but also authority over them.
Here is a collection of evidence supporting this assertion:
  1. Epstein flew a helicopter which shared tail numbers with a covert US military helicopter used by DynCorp. Dyncorp has a history of child trafficking scandals in many countries and is owned by Steve Feinberg (US intelligence board). Epstein's pilot is rumored to be in US intelligence and a Mossad agent, Junkerman, has flown on his jet. Summary. Epstein's close associate, Ghislaine Maxwell, is the child of media baron Robert Maxwell, who had links to British, Israeli, and Russian secret service. Epstein got off very lightly in 2008 for sexually abusing underage girls. The current labor secretary, Alexander Acosta, gave him a very lenient deal. Who can pull the strings to make this happen? Either Acosta is a part of the conspiracy, or another entity was forcing his hand - the only entity that is capable of doing so is military intelligence. AG William Barr worked in Epstein's legal team. Barr's father, Donald Barr, was in the OSS, which was the precursor to the CIA. Donald Barr gave Epstein his first job as a math teacher in an elite, politically connected school, even though Epstein did not have any qualifications or even a college degree. And assuming that Epstein didn't commit suicide, whoever had him killed was able to make a murder look like suicide, inside a prison, while the target was under suicide watch. Guards were apparently told to leave the area due to maintenance, and CCTV camera footage was either prevented or confiscated Source. Only military intelligence operatives have the resources to pull this off. Epstein's murder, whether real or faked, was the CIA disposing of a loose asset.
  2. It is a documented historical fact that the CIA engaged in child trafficking, including child sexual abuse, to blackmail useful officials, in the MK Ultra project. Source 1 Source 2. Note that only a small portion of the documents for this project ever came to light - the majority were destroyed.
  3. The Franklin Scandal. The ring leader of the pedophile blackmail ring, Larry King, had ties to US Intelligence. Source, page 34 In a subsequent scandal involving a "call-boy ring" in Washington D.C., an associate of King's, Craig Spence, committed suicide in a hotel. The mysterious Spence was "a CIA asset" and had bugged his home so he could blackmail powerful people. Source, page 279
  4. Paul Bonacci, who was awarded $1m by a judge for the sexual abuse done to him by Larry King, was also involved in a MK-Ultra follow-up mind control operation called Monarch (also confirmed by other survivors). He directly named Colonel Michael Aquino as one of the leads in the project. Aquino worked for navy intelligence. Around this time, allegations of child sex abuse were being leveled at army bases all over the United States. Source. So it seems, at least in the 70s and 80s, there was a dedicated program by the US military for child trafficking, sexual abuse, and mind control.
  5. The Belgium Scandal. A key witness, Regina Louf, alleged that convicted child rapist and murderer Marc Dutroux kidnapped children, including her, for businessman Michel Nihoul. Louf alleged that Nihoul had hidden cameras and that she had to make sure her rapists were in the camera's field of view. Louf's allegations were independently corroborated by many other witnesses, many of whom could give intimate case details such as room layouts. Nihoul was found not guilty, after judges overruled the jury's guilty verdict. Louf was also discredited by the Belgian government's own TV station, which labelled her a deranged liar. The case was the subject of a massive public outcry after police made a huge number of serious mistakes, such as even neglecting to search a basement after children's voices could be heard - this mistake led to the children starving to death in their basement cell. Many witnesses related to the case died in mysterious circumstances, such as committing suicide despite having no personal problems, or having car accidents.Source 1 Source 2 Again, which organization has the ability to influence national media, influence senior judges, influence police, and kill people to make it look like suicide or an accident? The security services.
  6. The Hampstead cover-up, in which two children related that their father forced them to engage in satanic ritual abuse at their school and at a church, as well as pedophilic parties with their father's friends, including cutting off babies' heads. Babies were supplied to the cult by social services. An experienced police detective is on record saying he believed the children and their mother. The authorities quickly closed ranks on the situation, with a judge removing the children from their mother, which goes against lawful procedure. Medical examinations by experienced professionals proved that the children had been sexually abused (vaginal and anal examinations). Crucial evidence was withheld from hearings. Child protection authorities and the Home Office was silent and inactive. To cover up information related to the case, all major media outlets were served with a defense advisory (DA) notice - a DA notice is an official request to news editors not to publish or broadcast items on specified subjects which would compromise military or intelligence operations. Source.
  7. In 1987 a satanic cult in Washington D.C., the Finders, was investigated after children were seen being apparently trafficked by two well-dressed men. At the properties of the Finders, investigators discovered evidence of satanic ritual abuse, blackmail, sophisticated communication technology, and explosives. The CIA took over the investigation and declared it an "internal matter". No further investigation was permitted. Source
  8. Ronald Bernard confesses in an emotional interview about having to sacrifice children to prove yourself as a psychopath in the financial elite. He also says that "secret services are actually criminal organizations ... they will stop at nothing. They have their flows of money from trading drugs, weapons, people. All that money has to come from somewhere, everything has to be financed." Source
  9. The Jersey scandal (full breakdown here). A policeman, Lenny Harper, investigating a children's care home (which Jimmy Savile frequently visited), claims he recovered forensic evidence that children were killed and incinerated in the basement. In March 2008, BBC television personality Jimmy Savile started legal proceedings against The Sun newspaper which had, wrongly he claimed, linked him in several articles to the child abuse scandal at Haut de la Garenne. Savile initially denied visiting Haut de la Garenne, but later admitted that he had done so, following the publication of a photograph showing him at the home surrounded by children. The States of Jersey Police said that in 2008 an allegation of an indecent assault by Savile at the home in the 1970s had been investigated, but there had been insufficient evidence to proceed. The forensic evidence found on the site was repeatedly compromised when it was sent to the UK for analysis. Lenny Harper received many death threats and was attacked by Jersey's local media, and some national media outlets. A journalist who later tried to investigate was arrested, held for 12 hours at Heathrow airport, and banned from the island. Vice article The list of suspects in the case include British government officials. According to Harper, Chief Minister for Jersey Frank Walker (OBE) warned Harper that his investigation could "bring the government down". In September 2008, the investigation team was changed. David Warcup, the leader of the new team, said there was "no evidence" that children were killed at Haut and that Harper's information he gave to the press were not accurate. Warcup said that the bones were animal bones and that the 60 milk teeth had come out naturally. Telegraph article 2 The new team also claimed that a child's skull was actually a piece of coconut (citing no scientific analysis), going against statements made by two anthropologists that it was a skull fragment as it contained collagen, and moreover that it was "fleshed and fresh" when it had been burned. Source Warcup said that the bones which were found could have been hundreds of years old, however an expert told Harper that they could only be a few decades old. Source 2 MP John Hemming said that he had no doubt that there were efforts to cover up the murder evidence. BBC article
  10. A man called Carl Beech claimed that in the 70s and 80s he and a number of other boys were raped by powerful people in London. He made claims specifically against twelve people, including the former Members of Parliament Harvey Proctor (who had already been convicted of gross indecency for having sex with teenage boys) and Greville Janner, the former Home Secretary Leon Brittan, the former Prime Minister Edward Heath, the former Chief of the Defence Staff Lord Bramall, the former Director of the Secret Intelligence Service Maurice Oldfield, and the former Director-General of MI5 Michael Hanley. Beech claimed that he was abused at a number of places including Dolphin Square, the Carlton Club, and various other places in the Home Counties. Beech also falsely claimed that the group murdered three children: two for sexual pleasure, and a third to intimidate the others. Proctor's solicitors told him that Beech had alleged that he had seen Proctor repeatedly stab a 12-year-old boy before strangling him to death, and that he himself had been raped by Proctor. The officer leading the investigation, Detective Superintendent Kenny McDonald, said in December 2014 that experienced officers had concluded that the allegations were "credible and true". McDonald was later criticised for the statement, and it was retracted. The investigating team was changed, no further evidence was found, and Beech was sentenced to 19 years in prison. Source
  11. Natacha Jaitt, a playboy model, alleged that she had evidence of a VIP child abuse ring, involving journalists and politicians in Argentina. She tweeted that "Notice: I will not commit suicide. I won’t be bought off or drown in a bath tub, nor will I shoot myself in the head. So, if that happens: I wasn’t me. Save this tweet." She was later found dead of an apparent drug overdose - her lawyer and brother suspect foul play. Source
  12. Former police officer Mark Minnie wrote an explosive book detailing a pedophile ring in South African government. Minnie, 58, was found with a bullet to his head, but many people are refusing to believe the police version - that he took his own life at the farm of a friend near the coastal city of Port Elizabeth. "The fact that the suicide note was found doesn't necessarily mean he wrote it willingly. I mean he could've written it under duress. The fact that he shot himself with someone else's pistol already raises questions," investigative journalist and author Jacques Pauw told South Africa's radio 702. Source
  13. Imane Fadil was a Moroccan ex-model who became a celebrity after becoming a key witness in the 2013 “Rubygate” trials which accused the media mogul and ex-Prime Minister of Italy Silvio Berlusconi of “child prostitution”. Fadil was also looking to be a witness in a related investigation (dubbed “Ruby ter”) that is still ongoing. In 2018, Fadil claimed in an interview that Berlusconi’s infamous “parties” lead to dark, satanic rituals. She was also in the process of writing a tell-all book about Rubygate and the dark secrets of Berlusconi. The name of the projected book was quite evocative: I Met the Devil. However, in the past weeks, things dramatic turn. Imane Fadil died in a hospital room in Milan on March 1st after a month of agony. Media sources reported her death only 15 days after the fact, mostly because authorities announced the opening of a homicide investigation. Indeed, the cause of Fadil’s death is currently believed to be “murder by radioactive poisoning”. Source
submitted by Complex_Avocado_6479 to conspiracyundone [link] [comments]

2020.08.22 17:36 biggreekgeek Sex true camera hidden

Read Flatten the Curve Part 49. Link Here
Headlines. A line designed to get into your head. And it works, judging by the amount of circulation of conspiracy posts that help move those headlines that masquerade as revealing connections, but are merely propoganda headline clones being disseminated.
So lets get ahead of the lines before the lines get into your head.
Humans have two primary modes of communication; verbal and nonverbal. Nonverbal is body language. Body language on it's own can give you insight. Pairing verbal and nonverbal gives you the whole picture. Headlines are verbal. The content is nonverbal. That's how you get a glimpse of the bigger picture. But we can't look at each article as a completed part of the communicative process. That would be like only watching hand gestures while having a conversation with someone. The article isn't the subject, the event is the subject, and if the subject was person, then we have to find as many articles as we can to profile the body language and interpret the nonverbal communication.
Let me show you what I mean.

Offender Conspiracy Article Profilingcriminal article profiling, is an investigative strategy used by law enforcement agencies conspiracy theorists to identify likely suspects hidden motives and has been used by investigators conspiracy theorists to link cases subjects that may have been committed by the same perpetrator. Multiple crimes may be linked to a specific offender event and the profile may be used to predict the identified offender's conspiracy's future actions real intent. Criminal Profiling Here
And then.
Nonverbal communication (NVC) Multiple Article Profiling (MAP) • is the transmission of messages or signals through a nonverbal platform multiple article content searches (MACS) such as eye contact, facial expressions, gestures, posture, and the distance between two individuals, article source, differing information, dates, pov, and the connections between the sources. It includes the use of visual cues such as body language (content), distance (dates) and organizations/politicians, corporations, law enforcement, environmental issues, economics, and technology/AI. Original NVC Content Here
I have no doubt that the actors who have advanced copies of the script are using data algorithm aggregation that compiles the different content sources into a complete picture for them. We plebs aren't so lucky, we have to peruse and parse multiple sources to connect the dots. In essence, we are the plebs living in a technofuedal era before the invention of the modern Gutenberg technopress for the masses.
So let's throw on some work boots, grab a shovel, and start digging.
The Hacks and Muckrakers.
May 18, 2018: Vanity Fair • “We just got back from the Middle East,” he told a room full of Israelis, upon arriving in Jerusalem from Saudi Arabia last May. Source Here
May 22 2017: Slate • The President Just Told a Room of Israelis That He “Just Got Back From the Middle East” Source Here
Trump. The man's Presidency has come at a time where it's all starting to fall apart. And I can't help but think of Trump as Julius Caesar part two. A populist leader who threatened the establishment and upended the republic, paving the way for Augustus Caesar and the soft introduction of Roman empire, as it let the pretenses of being a Republic fade away. If you aren't familiar with that time of history, I would highly recommend doing so. There is more to my comparison that I'm not elaborating on, except to say, if you dig you will find someone else who loves Roman history, looks like a clone of Augustus, and we watched as he made rounds while articles suggested that he had aspirations of becoming President. Do I think that it'll happen soon? Probably not. History doesn't repeat itself, but it rhymes. And we're only at the start of the Hollow Men by T S *Eliot *.
December 14, 2016: Techcrunch • President-elect Donald Trump met with some of the most prominent executives from the tech industry today at Trump Tower, with investor Peter Thiel and Vice President-elect Mike Pence at his side. Trump opened the meeting with CEOs from Google, Microsoft, Apple, Amazon and others by thanking Thiel for his support. “I want to add that I am here to help you folks do well. And you’re doing well right now and I’m very honored by the bounce. They’re all talking about the bounce. So right now everybody in this room has to like me, at least a little bit,” Trump said, perhaps in reference to the fact that he received little support from Silicon Valley during his campaign. “We’re going to try to have that bounce continue. Perhaps even more importantly, we want you to keep going with the incredible innovation. There’s nobody like you in the world. There’s nobody like the people in this room and anything we can do to help this go along, we’re going to be there for you. You’ll call my people, you’ll call me, it doesn’t make any difference. We have no formal chain of command around here,” Trump said.
Interesting, wouldn't you say? No formal chain of command around here. They thanked Peter Thiel for his support. Ok. Maybe nothing, maybe something. Ok. It's something.
August, 2018 Articles: • Trump claims Google is suppressing positive news about him. • Trump: Facebook, Twitter, Google 'have to be careful'.
Stop the presses, because were getting squeezed and pasteurized. The tech leaders meet with Trump. They thank Thiel, suggesting that he organized the assembly. And then Trump starts bashing the Technocrats that he's meeting with? Nothing but Bread and Circus. Plain and simple.
June 27, 2017: Tech Transparency Project • No other company in America was as intimately tied to the Obama Administration and the Democratic Party during Barack Obama’s eight years in office than Google. Today the company is doing everything it can to restore the same cozy White House access it enjoyed under President Obama. Eric Schmidt has attended at least two meetings with Trump and attended a third White House meeting with tech leaders last Monday. At the same time, The Groundwork – a secretive Schmidt-funded startup that ran the Clinton campaign’s data operation – recently relaunched itself as a technology platform for liberal organizations working to fight the Trump Administration’s agenda. By all appearances, Google appears to be working overtime to both ingratiate itself with the Trump Administration while simultaneously cashing in on the “resistance” to Trump’s agenda. Source Here
By all appearances? He's working both sides? Trying to cash in? Really? Seriously? Let's break that down.
** 2020 • Eric Schmidt/Net worth: 15.3 billion USD. Call me crazy, but I don’t think a guy with 15 billion dollars is worried about "cashing in**". As I've stated numerous times, this is no longer about money, it's about control. That's imperative to understand. You don't worry about the money hidden under the mattress when you have a locked vault full of cash. Money is only an incentive for those who either don't have it or need more of it. Neither of those categories apply to Eric Schmidt.
So lets examine how badly the Tech guys and Trump aren't getting along, shall we?
March 2, 2016: Defense News • Google Executive Schmidt To Head New DoD Advisory Board. Source Here
Ah. He's working for the Pentagon to make it better. And this happens almost a full year before meeting with Trump. This doesn't look like someone playing both sides, this looks like a team player in a game that only has one team. This is political wrestling that would make Vince McMahon envious. If you want to dive deeper into how Eric Schmidt funded the non profit that started fake news, here's a previous Flatten the Curve post. Part #19
Attendees included Eric Schmidt and Larry Page of Google, Tim Cook of Apple, Satya Nadella and Brad Smith of Microsoft, Jeff Bezos of Amazon (who expressed his excitement that Trump’s administration could be “the innovations administration“), Safra Catz of Oracle, Chuck Robbins of Cisco and Sheryl Sandberg of Facebook. Thiel’s business partner, Palantir CEO Alex Karp, attended as well.
Those are big names and big companies. But they all hate Trump, right?
Thiel has been instrumental in shaping Trump’s approach to technology, helping assemble a list of candidates for technical roles in the upcoming administration and reportedly bringing David Sacks and other long-time associates to the transition team. During his speech at the Republican National Convention, Thiel talked about spreading the prosperity of Silicon Valley to other regions across the country and cited space travel as one of America’s great technological achievements. “Instead of going to Mars, we have invaded the Middle East,” Thiel said.
I should point out that Thiel and Musk started PayPal together.
November 24, 2019: Business Insider • What do the founders of YouTube, Yelp, Tesla, and LinkedIn have in common? Apart from leading massively disruptive technology companies, their founders all share a common resume line item: employment at PayPal. Known for their entrepreneurial mindset and anti-establishment attitude, this elite group is known as the "PayPal Mafia," and they all put in time during the payment platform's early days some 20 years ago. Source Here
Oh. And Pete's instrumental to creating Facebook. Thiel became Facebook's first outside investor when he acquired a 10.2% stake for $500,000 in August 2004. He sold the majority of his shares in Facebook for over $1 billion in 2012, but remains on the board of directors. And he funded Hulk Hogan's lawsuit to take down Gawker. Told ya, it's just political wrestling to entertain us.
However, one of the biggest proponents of travel to Mars, Elon Musk, has also been one of Trump’s most outspoken critics. Musk donated to Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign and frequently denounced Trump, saying that the former reality television star “doesn’t seem to have the sort of character that reflects well on the United States.” But since the election, Musk appears to have warmed up to Trump. He was a late addition to the invite list for today’s meeting. The transition team also announced this morning that Musk will join Trump’s strategic and policy forum, a group of business leaders that will serve as an advisory committee to the president-elect. Source Here
Musk and Trump, a marriage made in heaven. It's destiny, I tell you, destiny. Or an act (don't worry Elon, I haven't forgotten about you) designed to make us believe that somebody up there is fighting for us down here.
Yet the inclusion of the quote about Mars and War in the Middle East stands out, wouldn't you agree? And we have environmental collapse triggers happening. Riots happening. Why those riots are also happening in Beruit, aren't they? And Isreal and Saudi Arabia don't get along with Lebanon, or the Hezbollah. And President Trump went from Suadi Arabia to Isreal, didn’t he? And wasn't there an explosion there recently? Must all be a coincidence. Let's get back to Pete the magical Thiel and see what else Hulk Hogan's buddy is mixed up in.
He co-founded Valar Ventures in 2010, co-founded Mithril Capital, serving as investment committee chair, in 2012, and served as a partner at Y Combinator from 2015 to 2017. Through the Thiel Foundation, Thiel governs the grant-making bodies Breakout Labs and Thiel Fellowship, and funds nonprofit research into artificial intelligence, life extension and seasteading. A co-founder of The Stanford Review, he is a conservative libertarian who is critical of high government spending, high debt levels, and foreign wars. He has donated to numerous political figures. At the 2009 Singularity Summit, he said his greatest concern is the technological singularity not arriving soon enough. Source Here
Singularity. Not. Arriving. Soon. Enough. Call me paranoid and pass the tin foil hat, but what Matrix code is needed to decipher his words intent? Not soon enough for what? Better Netflix selection? The Alien invasion? Godzilla awakening because of Fukushima? Are the Decepticons already here? Or have they been downplaying the ELE that's approaching? I'll take ELE for a thousand, Alex.
So he's into AI (he backed Deepmind and OpenAI) and life extension. He went to Stanford. He's also going to have his body cryonically preserved. And his Palantir surveillance is, well, nottofreakyououtoranything, everywhere. Palantir's first backer was the Central Intelligence Agency's venture capital arm In-Q-Tel. Then Palantir became Big Brother. Literally. The Palantir clients include the CIA, DHS, NSA, FBI, CDC, the Marine Corps, the Air Force, Special Operations Command, West Point, the Joint Improvised-Threat Defeat Organization and Allies, the Recovery Accountability and Transparency Board and the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children. And Palantir is also being used by Banks, Hedge Funds, Financial Services, and other corporate clients.
Big Brother wants to be Palantir went it grows up.
Now, are you wondering why I started with Trump, Saudi Arabia and Isreal? Are you curious about how it goes from ex CEO of Google Eric Schmidt "playing" both sides of the fence to Palantir and Peter Thiel? Just sit right back and hold tight, cause I'm about to take you on a one way trip to a Brave New Normal World that's called 1984.
Warning. What you're about to read will make you forever question every officially sanctioned narrative. Trust me. Still game? Are you sure? Last chance. You're about to leave neverneverland and you can't go back. Alright. Let's go.
It's All Hidden In Plain Sight. Let's talk about Epstein. Yep. Him. I've been strangely quiet about Jeffery haven't I? Nothing written about the Captain Pedo and his Amazing friends didn't mean there was nothing there, it just meant that I didn't find anything that indicated something deeper than a pedophile blackmail ring. And sex and political blackmail is as old as time itself. There's a reason they say the world's two oldest professions are prostitutes and politicians. Yet it turns out the professional pimp and the abducted teens may be playing a bigger role than we thought.
July 31, 2019: NY TIMES • Mr. Epstein’s vision reflected his longstanding fascination with what has become known as transhumanism: the science of improving the human population through technologies like genetic engineering and artificial intelligence. Critics have likened transhumanism to a modern-day version of eugenics, the discredited field of improving the human race through controlled breeding. Mr. Epstein’s ranch in New Mexico, which he confided to scientists and others he hoped to use as the site for seeding the human race with his DNA.
Welcome to the Island of Dr. Moreau. We're it's the monsters trying to make humans. Do you still think this was all about blackmail, cause it wasn't. Stop thinking in normal terms, because normal is dead, long live the New Normal.
At one session at Harvard, Mr. Epstein criticized efforts to reduce starvation and provide health care to the poor because doing so increased the risk of overpopulation, said Mr. Pinker, who was there. Mr. Pinker said he had rebutted the argument, citing research showing that high rates of infant mortality simply caused people to have more children.
Epstein criticized efforts to reduce starvation and provide health care. Hmmmm. My memory is foggy, but isn't there someone in Africa trying to provide health care and reduce starvation? Who could that be? Wasn't he into computers and had pictures taken on Epstein’s private jet? Wasn't it Bill Gates? Now why would Billy be hanging around someone who would vocally espouse an ideology that is completely antithetical to his stated humanitarian goals?
Also at the Indian Summer dinner, according to an account on the website of Mr. Brockman’s Edge Foundation, were the Google founders Sergey Brin and Larry Page and Jeff Bezos, who was accompanied by his mother.
Then there was Mr. Epstein’s interest in eugenics. Once, at a dinner at Mr. Epstein’s mansion on Manhattan’s Upper East Side, Mr. Lanier said he talked to a scientist who told him that Mr. Epstein’s goal was to have 20 women at a time impregnated at his 33,000-square-foot Zorro Ranch in a tiny town outside Santa Fe. Mr. Mr. Lanier, said he had the impression that Mr. Epstein was using the dinner parties to screen candidates to bear Mr. Epstein’s children. Mr. Epstein did not hide his interest in tinkering with genes — and in perpetuating his own DNA. Interviews with more than a dozen of his acquaintances, as well as public documents, show that he used the same tactics to insinuate himself into an elite scientific community, thus allowing him to pursue his interests in eugenics and other fringe fields like cryonics. One adherent of transhumanism said that he and Mr. Epstein discussed the financier’s interest in cryonics, an unproven science in which people’s bodies are frozen to be brought back to life in the future. Mr. Epstein told this person that he wanted his head and penis to be frozen.
More Epstein and Eugenics. Source Here
Now call me crazy, but there's some strangeness happening. Cryonics, don't die, just Let It Go and get Frozen. First Peter Thiel, now Epstein. Let's hope the AI Singularity arrives in time, right?
Now I wouldn't have even bothered with their shared interest of joining the Walt Disney Cryonics Club, if there wasn't more in play, and there's more in play.
August 9, 2019: TRT World • The billionaire shared the same personal network that included Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, former Israeli prime minister Ehud Barak, infamous Blackwater founder Erik Prince, Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman, UAE Crown Prince Mohamed bin Zayed, Donald Trump and Bill Clinton.
According to investigative journalist Vicky Ward, quoting a meeting with Trump’s transition team, Acosta told a White House official: “I was told Epstein ‘belonged to intelligence’ and to leave it alone.”
That's a bit of an exclusive club, kinda like being in the Mouseketeer CIA club. But, hey, nothing to see here, is there? But just in case, let's look into the company that Epstein worked with, Carbyne.
This single company, Carbyne, brought together a who’s who of power brokers and intelligence figures from multiple regions including Russia, China and the Trump administration itself, with Epstein at its heart. Officially, Carbyne provided high-tech solutions for emergency centres. In reality, it existed in a grey area giving it unprecedented access to private information, with significant potential for privacy abuse. Carbyne provides a service for police emergency centres, providing complete access to the caller’s camera and GPS, providing the dispatcher with a live video feed.
Ok. So Epstein and Thiel both are into AI, Surveillance, and Cryonics. President Trump was in Isreal and Saudi Arabia in May 2017. And who ended up in Isreal just afterwards?
PayPal Founder in Israel: Too Much Copying and Not Enough Innovation in High-tech
June 15, 2017: Haaretz • Billionaire Peter Thiel visits Israel – and gives out tips on how to build a successful startup. Source Here
Hey, one month after Trump visited the Middle East, Peter Thiel decides to take middle eastern vacation to give out business tips. And then Thiel must've reciprocated and invited the Fresh Prince of Saudi Arabia to get the all inclusive Palantir surveillance pitch. Smile for the camera everyone, cause the world's a stage and we're filming a world wide Truman Show.
April 7, 2018: Gulf News • Google, Thiel feature in Saudi Prince’s Silicon Valley tour. The Saudi delegation visited several Silicon Valley corporate campuses, including Apple Inc. and Facebook Inc. In addition to Facebook, where Thiel sits on the board, the Saudi delegation visited data-analysis start-up Palantir Technologies Inc and a trio of investment firms created by Thiel: Clarium Capital, Valar Ventures and Founders Fund. Thiel is chairman and co-founder of Palantir. Source Here
March 17, 2020: Forbes • These responders are now using a tool built in part by former members of Israel’s military intelligence—Elichai being one—that’s backed by Peter Thiel’s Founders Fund, former Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Barak, who is now the company’s chairman, and a small, passive investment from deceased multimillionaire pedophile Jeffrey Epstein. SourceHere
Ok look. I get it. Rich people make investments, those investments are bound to end up in the same company. But these companies aren't exactly run of the mill home security systems, are they? Nope. This is the kind of surveillance systems that the KGB or the Stasi could only dream of. And when you wish upon a star dreams come true. And Peter Thiel must be wishing upon a star.
Ok. Strap in, buckle up, and try to keep up, or you're gonna get left in the dust. Cause it's boom or bust from here on out, and we're gonna add it up like the count.
So Elichai owns Carbyne. Peter Thiel invested in Carbyne. And Carbyne is in the USA linked to the 911 system, and it's being used to fight the pandemic.
Forbes (Link Above) • Its founder thinks Carbyne’s tech could make the lives of 911 dispatch and healthcare professionals much less chaotic in the Covid-19 crisis. Carbyne relies on callers submitting themselves to self-surveillance via their own mobile phone. Once a caller uses their Android or iPhone to call 911 (85% of emergency calls now come from mobile devices), they receive a text message that asks for permission to get their precise location and access video from their smartphone camera.
Step right up and give your permission to be saved. Big Brother is looking out for you.
So Elichai used to work for the 8200. Cool name, right. I'm not sure about you, but that sounds pretty dystopian. And I've gotta say, that all of Technocrats that are promising us an AI utopia, sure seem to be getting ahead of the curve by building doomsday bunkers for a dystopia. And here we sit wasting our time Doomscrolling.
So what else has sprung up from the 8200? Have you ever heard about the NSO Group?
November 1, 2019 - WhatsApp identified an Israeli company, NSO Group, as having developed the spyware called Pegasus, which it held responsible for the breach. This disclosure was part of a lawsuit WhatsApp has filed against the NSO Group in a US federal court, saying the company was actively involved in hacking users of the encrypted chat service. As per the WhatsApp complaint the “target users included attorneys, journalists, human rights activists, political dissidents, diplomats, and other senior foreign government officials.” NSO’s spyware Pegasus has been reportedly used to target journalists in Mexico investigating drug cartels, rights group Amnesty International, human rights activists in UAE, activists in Bahrain and Saudi Arabia. According to Israeli news reports, Saudi Arabia paid $55 million for its use. The contract was later frozen over the scandal alleging NSO software's role in Saudi Arabia tracking slain journalist Jamal Khashoggi in the months before he was murdered in the Saudi Embassy in Turkey. In India, 17 people, who are known to be targeted include activists and human rights lawyers. Source Here
Whoops. Do you remember Jamal Khashoggi? He was trying to expose Human Rights abuses against Saudi Arabia. And then Suadi Arabia decided to murder him, and confirm that they were abusing human rights. Jamal paid the ultimate price to prove his point. But who is selling the hacking tools? At this point they all seem to be springing up from members of the 8200, and the companies they started.
TRT - Link Previously Provided • DarkMatter, a UAE surveillance and intelligence group employing former NSA operatives was built on the back of a larger initiative to modernise Emirati intelligence and military operations. The group took part in at the Arab Future Cities Conference in November 2015, where it presented a vision of smarter, tech-driven cities, which caught the eye of Chinese officials. Smarter cities meant Big Brother-esque widespread surveillance installed throughout the UAE. Only two years later in April 25 2017, DarkMatter signed a Global Strategic Memorandum of Understanding with Huawei, a leading Chinese company, for the same ‘Big Data’ systems and ‘Smart City’ solutions. The middle man? None other than Erik Prince, who had gone from working for the Emiratis, to working for a Chinese billionaire. In suspect timing, the Memorandum of Understanding also took place right before China scaled up its total surveillance and crackdown on Uighurs in Xinjiang, China.
February 2, 2019: Reuters • Xinjiang is a major part of China's Belt and Road infrastructure network but the region has faced attacks blamed on members of the Muslim ethnic Uighur minority. Beijing has responded with a security clampdown condemned by rights groups and Western governments. Frontier Services Group (FSG), a Hong Kong-listed company founded by Prince, said in a Chinese-language statement posted on its website on Jan. 22 that it had signed a deal to build a training centre in southern Xinjiang. Prince is deputy chairman, a minority shareholder and a board member of FSG, a security, logistics and insurance provider. Source Here
Watch this video. Chinese authorities are using a 911 mobile app to carry out illegal mass surveillance and arbitrary detention of Muslims in China’s western Xinjiang region. Source Here
Makes you wonder, doesn't it? Aren't we condemning China for the camps, and yet the West is helping to build those camps? Must be a big mistake. We didn’t know what was happening. And Erik Prince swears he didn't know. Honestly. He's not lying. Cross my heart and hope to die. Pinky swear.
Recap. 8200 leads to NSO and Carbyne. DarkMatter is in the UAE with NSA employees. The NSO hack was used to capture Khashoggi. Peter Thiel invested in Facebook, Facebook owns WhatsApp. Peter Thiel invested in Carbyne. Eric Prince works for and founded FSG, which built the Muslim reduction school. China is using similar tech to target Muslims and send them back to school. Carbyne 911 surveillance tech accesses your phone camera after you click on the link to give permission. So. Peter Thiel funds Carbyne. Eric Prince is working for the UAE developing security and the UAE ends up with Dark Matter, and then his company (FSG) is sold to China, and they build re-education centers, which uses technology like Carbyne, and that technology is being used in the USA.
Got it? Good. Because I'm seriously having a hard time keeping up with the behind the scene footage of this LARP.
Link Previously Provided • 1,400 people worldwide, including Indian lawyers, rights activists and journalist, were targets of an online spying campaign that used highly sophisticated spyware developed by an Israeli firm via WhatsApp. WhatsApp is at the centre of a global storm over privacy after it was revealed that at least 17 Indians and about 1,400 people worldwide had their phones breached through the social media app. Their privacy was compromised by surveillance technology so invasive that could read and transmit the entire contents of a phone as well as operate its camera.
WhatsApp, Doc, I think I need an appointment because I'm suffering from Mass Psychogenic Illness from too much Doomscrolling.
Do you want to get deeper? I mean really deep? Yes? Ok. Let's jump into the deep.
October 18, 2019: - How a WhatsApp Tax Launched Massive Anti-Government Protests in Lebanon.
What a crazy New Normal World Order we live in. What are the odds that we have a WhatsApp hack tax protest and we also have a WhatsApp hack that uses your phone camera, while also using similar tech in the USA and China. That's inconceivable! That's incredible! Someone call the press and let them know about this! Uhm. Wait. Better not. You might get Khashoggid.
So Eric Prince is involved. Peter Thiel is involved. WhatsApp is owned by Facebook and Mark Zuckerberg owns Facebook, and Peter Thiel helped Facebook grow. And then there was this.
March 28, 2018: Daily Mail • Employee of Peter Thiel's company Palantir helped Cambridge Analytica harvest the data of millions of the Facebook users. Alfredas Chmieliauskas is said to have suggested to Cambridge Analytica that it create a personality quiz smartphone app to get access to networks of Facebook users. The Times report also claims that Sophie Schmidt - the daughter former Google executive Eric Schmidt - had urged Cambridge Analytica to work with Palantir. Source Here
At this point, I think I'm going to need to buy a whole lot of tacks and string and make pciture maps on my walls. If we're all living in a Truman Surveillance Show, might as well play the part of the New Normal crazy conspiracy theorist, right?
January 17, 2017: The Intercept According to New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd, in December Prince attended the annual “Villains and Heroes” costume ball hosted by Mercer. Dowd wrote that Palantir founder Peter Thiel showed her “a picture on his phone of him posing with Erik Prince, who founded the private military company Blackwater, and Mr. Trump — who had no costume — but joke[d] that it was ‘N.S.F.I.’ (Not Safe for the Internet).”
No. Sanity. Fracking. Involved. Is more like it. This insanity can't pass for sanity, can it? And yet they label us crazy when we start to find the big picture, even if we aren't entirely sure what the big picture means.
The Intercpt Continued: In July, Prince told Trump’s senior adviser and white supremacist Steve Bannon, at the time head of Breitbart News, that the Trump administration should recreate a version of the Phoenix Program, the CIA assassination ring that operated during the Vietnam War, to fight ISIS. Such a program, Prince said, could kill or capture “the funders of Islamic terror and that would even be the wealthy radical Islamist billionaires funding it from the Middle East, and any of the other illicit activities they’re in.” Prince also said that Trump would be the best force to confront “Islamic fascism.” “As for the world looking to the United States for leadership, unfortunately, I think they’re going to have to wait till January and hope Mr. Trump is elected because, clearly, our generals don’t have a stomach for a fight,” Prince said. “Our president doesn’t have a stomach for a fight and the terrorists, the fascists, are winning.” Source Here
Sounds good, right? Kill people who kill people and maybe someday we won't have people getting killed. Killer idea! HEWDSHAWT! Grab your BFG and let's go BGH. It's a date!
But then why are these cell phone surveillance hacks companies being constantly linked with their names, and those hacks are being used to target journalists and human rights activists?
It's a small New Normal World Order after all. And it's getting smaller everyday. No worries though, Keep Calm and Carry On, We're All In This Together, and You're Either With Us Or Against Us. It's all good. That kind of thing could never happen here.
July 27, 2019: NARATIV • Michael Chertoff, who ran Homeland Security under George Bush, serves on Carbyne’s advisory board. Chertoff wrote the Patriot Act, which authorized digital surveillance of Americans. Source Here
Uh. Is nobody paying attention? Are the wolves guarding the sheep?
March 16, 2003: Washington Post • It didn't help that as the World Trade Center burned on Sept. 11, 2001, the news interrupted a Carlyle business conference at the Ritz-Carlton Hotel here attended by a brother of Osama bin Laden. Former president Bush, a fellow investor, had been with him at the conference the previous day. Source Here
Need more proof?
September 16, 2015: Carlyle Group • The Carlyle Group and The Chertoff Group Acquire Majority Stake in Coalfire Systems. Founded in 2001 and based in Louisville, Colo., Coalfire is a global cybersecurity and technology services provider specializing in cyber risk advisory, compliance assessments, technical testing and software services for private enterprises and government organizations. With its technical depth and breadth of IT services, Coalfire serves clients in sectors including technology, retail, payments, healthcare, financial services, education, local and state government, and utilities. Michael Chertoff, former U.S. Homeland Security Secretary and the co-founder and executive chairman of The Chertoff Group, said, “Cyber threats are an existential risk to companies and individuals around the globe. We and Carlyle are excited to partner with Coalfire, an innovative technology-enabled services company helping clients to address cyber risks.” Source Here
It's a good thing that Coalfire is on the case, could you imagine how bad the hacks would be otherwise? Have a look. Flatten the Curve. Part 43. [Link Here](]
That's a pretty long trail that I've written. Guess what? The trail goes longer. So long that this will have to be continued in a part 2 later tonight. Until then; Heads Up and Eyes Open.Take Care. Be Safe. Stay Aware and Be Prepared. Talk soon.
submitted by biggreekgeek to conspiracy [link] [comments]

2020.08.19 10:32 tiredmochi i don't know how to process this

obvious TW (self harm, ED, grooming) very long
i made this throwaway because i dont know what else to do. i turned 18 about a week ago and i guess that was probably the catalyst for all of this. ill start from the beginning
i was 4, and i remember it was memorial day. i wanted to ride a pony so my dad paid the guy and i got on the horse. i dont know if it's because i was so young or because i blocked it out but i think the man walking the horse touched my genitalia. ive been terrified of riding a horse since.
i discovered porn when i was 10, curious and having no adult supervision for navigating the internet, i became hypersexual. i remember going to bathroom during class to masturbate in the stalls (alone, but still). i used to take baths with my little brother and i remember we would poke at each other's privates if we stood up for some reason because it "felt funny." however it got weird when i knew what sex was and he didn't. i asked him to touch my nipples once. i feel grossed out and ashamed when i remember it.
it's worth mentioning i am a transgender man, and as a kid, i had a huge disconnect with my body that led me to hate it and myself. my mom physically and emotionally abused me most of my childhood (id say 6-15) and my dad turned out to be a drug user and pedophile. more on that later. because of everything, including undiagnosed mental illness, i was a very angry kid seeking ANY sort of approval and validation.
i never thought i had any repressed memories. but i realize now that there are huge chunks i can't account for and that isn't normal. my parents separated when i was about 5 due to my dad's drug use, where i remember waking up in an unfamiliar housr, but my dad was granted monthly visitation with supervision. my mom would later disclose she had to take me and my little brother (and older half sisters) away from my father because he threatened to kidnap me and my brother.
during the monthly weekend visitations i didn't actually spend much time with my dad. he was usually drinking, napping, or watching NASCAR. he almost always had a roommate that moved into my sister's old room. my mom told me to stay away from his roommates but i never knew why. i remember one had a bunny and he said i should come to his room and see. i remember the bunny but nothing else. my dad used to also say strange things sometimes, that made me uncomfortable and confused. he'd ask me if anyone but my mother or a doctor had touched my privates. i guess this could be seen as looking out for me but it always felt strange. my mom later told me he used to make inappropriate comments about my half sisters (his step daughters) about their boobs or tight jeans. one of my sisters once found he had hidden little cameras around the house. there was one in the bathroom and my sisters' shared bedroom. my mom also once found violent porn on his laptop, including possible CP (young looking girls of questionable age). i didn't have any idea what a horrible person my father was until i was around 16 because my mom only shared bits and pieces with me, and i didn't even get into the marital abuse, racism, homophobia, and transphobia.
all this said, you'd think my mom would've monitored my internet usage as a kid. but i dont blame her. in the span of three years, she loses her mother, she goes through a nasty divorce with my father, and then she loses her father. she didn't even have a job for a year or two when she took me away from my dad because he had made her stop working when my brother was born, so we had to live sparingly off of inheritance.
my mom's neglect and abuse gave me all sorts of issues, along with me struggling with my self hate and internalized homophobia and transphobia as a result of a Christian upbringing. this eventually led to me having a throwaway instagram account when i was 12 solely with the intention of exchanging nudes with people. around the same time, i had a monster training app with a global chat where i met someone claiming to be 15 (in retrospect he was probably a pedo) and it's hazy, but we got to the point of role playing sex in a private chat. i lost my login once when i got bounced out and couldn't remember my password, and honestly, im glad. i dont know what that guy would've had me do, because i trusted him to a scary amount for someone who didn't even know what he looked like.
back to the instagram account. this is where things are foggiest, but ill try my best to recount what i can. one day, i get a message from a guy. we'll call him Jeff (not his real name, because i can't actually remember it). the kicker? i messaged him first. i think i either commented on a post or sent him a dm. i remember seeing one of those black background posts with the eggplant and peach emoji like "comment/like for nudes" or something. Jeff tells me he thinks im sexy. now, on this account, i did not post my face. i only showed topless pictures, but it was very clear i was underage given the underdeveloped body proportions. Jeff asks for my age, and im truthful. i tell him i am 12. he says i am very beautiful for a 12 year old. i dont know how, but Jeff convinces me after a few days to give him my phone number. i do. by then, he is texting me daily. i send him nudes almost every day. he listens to me and when i tell him i hate my mom because she hits me, he tells me i am right. i feel heard. and he tells me i am beautiful. tells me im so mature for my age. yet i feel gross. eventually, Jeff gets to see my face when i send him a video of me purposefully dropping my shower towel. he responds with a video of him jacking off. i dry heave for 15 or so minutes before i respond. i never see Jeff's face. i never know his true age. he asks me once the oldest person id ever date. i say around 10-15. he says that makes him sad because he is older than that. i feel bad and say for him i would make an exception.
i dont remember much. i feel sick to my stomach when i think about it. when i got my new phone two years ago, i had a breakdown because his contact was in there, restored from my old apple id. i was 13 when i cut off contact with Jeff. he had started being mean to me after i told him i had a crush on a boy at school. i remember i felt so relieved yet so terrified when i finally blocked Jeff's number. and i felt bad too. i did it for a childish reason; he said no 13 year old boy could pleasure my body like he could or appreciate my beauty, but i didn't care because i loved this boy. even though it was a silly reason, im so glad i did it. i still can't shake the feeling it was my fault.
but this isn't the end. that boy i mentioned? he ended up becoming my first boyfriend. we'll call him Will. his parents didn't like me so we only went on one date. it was to a Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 1 showing at my school for some fundraiser. we got a table in the very back all by ourselves. this is hazy for me too. Will asks me to touch him. that being with me makes him horny and as his girlfriend i should do something. i say no three times in workaround ways like "i just wanna watch the movie" but eventually he grabs my hand and shoves it down his pants.
i guess he felt me tense because i distinctly remember him saying "don't worry, these are my PE shorts". Will uses my hand to jack himself off. i dont know if he finished or not. i just know im shaking uncontrollably when i do get my hand back. when my friends asked how my date went i didn't want to believe he would do that to me, so i tell my friends i did it willingly. they laugh at me and call me a slut and a whore. i never did tell them the truth. i break up with Will and go out with a girl for a while before i start wrestling a bit with my sexuality and gender identity. a year of weird hate and sexual tense between me and Will goes by. we end up getting back together, this time him being somewhat aware im not a girl (but not sure WHAT i am) and he turns out to be bisexual.
i think Will regretted forcing me to jack him off, because he asked for my consent for lots when we went out the second time. we never talked about that movie night. i turn out to be one of the only virgins at school and Will finds this hot, but i refuse to have sex. i didn't know why at the time, but i was terrified. im still not sure why it scared me so bad. eventually, Will cheats on me by having sex with a neighbor because i won't. he phrases it in a way that makes me feel like the bad guy for not having sex with him (said stuff like "i have to tell you something but you'll get mad at me :(") i think Will struggled with hypersexuality too, because he confides in me that he was raped as a child. i couldn't bring myself to tell him my experiences. we stayed together for another month or two (with him probably still cheating without my knowledge) before our school shut down and he dumps me. i had known him since we were 11 and i want to believe he did love me, but i can't be sure. he'd stuck with me through my years struggling with self harm and anorexia, and even though my first suicide attempt (which he got mad at me but that's besides the point).
it's two years later when i transfer to a new school my junior year and im comfortable in my identity as a trans man. i meet a guy who we'll call Alex. he's instantly flirtatious with me, even going as far as to bite my ear no less. i still crave the validation from other people so i give him my number. he asks if it's okay to send me a dick pic. i flash to Jeff and decline, saying i want to get to know him better. literally the next day i text Alex that im sad and he says he knows something that will cheer me up. i expect a meme and what do i get? a dick pic. i felt sick to my stomach. i ignore Alex as much as i can, but he stalks me around the school and figures out my schedule. he corners me in remote places such as the school cafe booths (like a booth at a restaurant) and tells me he knows how badly i want to fuck him (disclaimer: i did not). Alex continues to follow me around and say obscene things, including one time he said he wanted to gouge out my eyes because he found them so beautiful. it's when he touches me that i flip. he grabs my thigh but all i can do is sit completely frozen. when he finally goes away, i feel like throwing up. i didn't have many friends at my new school but i joined theater and one of them went with me to student support to report him to a teacher i trusted. i was shaking the entire time but i felt absolutely stupid because he didn't actually hurt me.
with all of that, ive used being underage as an excuse for not wanting sex. granted i get horny and i do jack off (being on testosterone and all, though my antidepressants make it difficult) and i can think about having sex in theory but if i think about it in the actuality, it still scares me. i dont know why, because i was never raped. now that im 18 i have nothing to hide behind, and ive been dwelling on all of this trying to remember the missing chunks of my childhood.
ive always had a tendency to bottle things up and i feel like ive let a monster loose in my head and i can't lock it back up. for days now ive felt like there's this gaping hole in the center of my chest that needs to be filled, so bad i want to stab it. im jumpy and anxious and im always on the verge of a panic attack feeling as if i can't breathe. i can barely sleep now. i thought trying to work through it all would help me come to terms with it but this is the worst ive ever felt about it. and there was even a time i told my best friend about Jeff and being groomed and she told me to go to the police because i have his phone numbers (likely burners, honestly) and that i should do something about it because the statute of limitations will be up in a few years. i haven't done anything because i dont have a shred of proof it ever even happened at all, and i honestly wish i could forget it ever happened.
i feel worse than ever. i even downloaded grindr in an attempt to try being hypersexual again to feel better thinking some sort of exposure therapy might help but i think i just made matters worse. i feel like everything that's happened to me is my fault. i feel as though there's repressed memories that hold the key, but i could be wrong and if i am, why do i feel like this? i came here because i have no one in my life who could understand. i have very few friends and my family doesn't know any of this ever happened in the first place. i dont know how to heal. i dont want to relapse and cut myself again (im 3 years clean) but it's my oldest coping mechanism for when ive felt this bad. i haven't relapsed yet but im worried i might because i used it for when i felt like this. and i used to drink but im sober. im scared to talk to a therapist because what if im told all that happened really is my fault? that im to blame for my own trauma? i don't know what id do. any advice is greatly appreciated.
TLDR: turning 18 has forced me to evaluate my fear of sex and intimacy due to former abuse and trauma and i haven't been able to cope or figure out how to face how im feeling about it all
submitted by tiredmochi to adultsurvivors [link] [comments]

2020.08.12 20:56 jillloyo Hidden true sex camera

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2020.08.11 09:12 ViciousMock I'm a camgirl and one of my clients is creeping me out (Part 2)

Part 1
I woke up in the morning, although I don’t know if I slept at all, and Karen brought me coffee. Like some of you guys, she was instantly suspicious of Carl.
“So all of this happens just as this amazing, perfect guy happens to show up in your life?” she said.
“It just doesn’t make sense,” I said. “Why would he call me a slut after I’d slept with him and carry on wanting to see me?”
“Psychos will be psychos. He’s probably playing some weird sick game and getting off on it,” she said. “I’m telling you, he’s too good to be true.”
I didn’t want to believe it, but I got a sinking feeling inside me. Carl called me a few times in the morning and I didn’t answer. What was I supposed to say? ‘Hey Carl, thanks for being there for me last night when I dropped this bombshell on you, but are you by any chance my stalker?’
The police showed up an hour after I called them, and came with me to my apartment. They are taking it seriously but people around here aren’t as… progressive as they are in some places.
“Is that like a pornstar?” one of the police officers said. He was grinning. I wanted to punch him in the face.
“No, I’m a… webcam model,”
“What, like you do fashion shows?”
I sighed. “Clients call me and I… perform sexual acts and speak to them in a sexual way. Or sometimes not in a sexual way, like in the case of Jason.”
“So you’re like one of those phone sex lines but with the video?” one of them said. He looked as though he was simply amazed to find out that this existed, and his face told me that as soon as he got home he was going to…. thoroughly research it.
“Is this even relevant?” I said. I was getting irritated. I had told them that someone had threatened me and they seemed more concerned with finding out the intricate details of what exactly I do on webcam. They rolled their eyes and exchanged judgemental looks with each other.
Their interjections meant that it took quite a lot of time to actually tell the story, and by the end, I was drained. They told me that they would need to take my laptop and were going to contact the website I work for to see if they can find out more about him. Then they told me that a team would come shortly to do a sweep of the house for any listening or recording devices.
Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse…
I was giving the officers a list of people who had been inside my apartment recently when the “sweep” team knocked on the door and I answered to see my ex-boyfriend and one of his colleagues and my heart nearly stopped.
If I ever thought I was going to bump into him, I’d have hoped it would be at the bar, when I’m dressed up and looking sexy, being all independent and having drinks with the girls. NOT when I was in too-big clothes that I’d borrowed from Karen before I left her house that morning, my face red and blotchy because I was being stalked by a client from my new camgirl business.
He didn’t let on to the police offers that he knew me and I was grateful that he remained professional. One of the reasons we broke up is because he was quite controlling and possessive and was constantly convinced I was cheating on him. I didn’t want to deal with him right then. Besides, the police officers would probably have a field day hearing all about it.
I know it’s common to want to be the one who is “winning” after a break-up, but when I looked at my ex and he looked at me, I definitely didn’t seem to be the one who was winning. He just looked at me with this awful pitying and disgusted look on his face.
They found three hidden cameras in the apartment. I’d known it was a possibility, and I’d suspected my webcam had been hacked, but the fact they had been planted in my apartment made me sick to the stomach. Somebody who had been here did this. My mind instantly went to Carl again but I pushed the thought out. He was on the (short) list of people who had been in my apartment within the last three months and so the police would investigate him as well as the others.
They told me they would look into whether they can find out who installed them. Apparently there might be fingerprints, or whatever other ways to track the person down.
When they left, they advised me not to stay at my apartment while they were investigating, so I grabbed some clothes, emptied Mr. Scruffles’ litter box, filled up several bowls of food and water for him, and called his name. No answer. That was weird. He always came running when there was food.
I called him again. No tapping of little claws on the floor. I tried to remember if I’d seen him at all since I’d gotten back to my apartment and I hadn’t. I started freaking out then. I went to look in his favorite hiding spots and with every place I checked, my heart pounded faster and faster. He wasn’t here.
“Could he have gotten out?” said one of the police officers.
“He’s an indoor cat,” I said. “And he’s old. He doesn’t go out and there’s no way for him to get out.”
My blood ran cold. They helped me search the apartment until finally, we had to accept that he was, in fact, gone. Rage rose up inside me.
“It was Carl!” I cried. “He must have broken in and taken him and… and…”
Words poured out of my mouth like vomit. I ranted at them about how it was so strange that he’d come into my life, so perfect, just as all of this happened. At this point, I was completely and absolutely certain that he was my stalker.
“Did you give Carl a key?” they said.
“No, he must have broken in,”
“There aren’t any signs of a break-in. Are you sure your cat didn’t just get out? You know, when cats are close to death, they are known to want to be alone and sometimes run away.”
I wasn’t even listening. I couldn’t breathe. Who would take someone’s cat? Why would he want Mr. Scruffles? What sick game was he playing?
A police officer took me back to Karen’s and told me that they would update me as soon as possible. They reassured me that they would question Carl, but at this point, I was so convinced that it was him that I was practically shouting at them to go and get him, lock him up and throw away the key.
It was only when I arrived at Karen’s house that I realized I may have made a mistake. When we got there, she was hysterical. She had left that morning when I did, to drop off her son at school, and take her husband to his hospital appointment. When she came home, she found a note stuck to her door, which said:
Pinned under the note was a picture of their son from the weekend at his football practice. Absolute horror and guilt washed over me. I had gotten her involved in this and now she was being threatened too.
Carl has met Karen but he doesn’t know anything about her husband or her son nor does he know where she lives. I don’t know how he could have found out and it was then that I had to consider that it may not be him after all.
“You can’t stay here,” she said eventually. She looked as though it caused her tremendous pain to say it. Her face was white and she was shaking. “I’m so sorry. I really am. That psycho might hurt our boy. I can’t…”
I understood, of course, I did. Would I really react differently if I was her? Karen and I have been friends for years and the last thing I wanted was to put her in danger.
I don’t know what to do or who to trust. I can’t think and I just keep going over everything in my head. I don’t want to reveal any details about where I am now, in case Jason somehow sees this, but I am safe for now.
Part 3
submitted by ViciousMock to nosleep [link] [comments]

2020.08.10 08:46 StargateSG7 Anonymous and Wikileaks UTTERLY SUCK !!!

I've been in Media and "The Intelligence Business" since about the late 1980's/Early 1990's!
I've also seen a CRAPLOAD of chicanery and underhanded machinations by lobbyists, political and corporate parties on every spectrum from the far left to far right and everything in-between.
I've seen a boatload of Sex, Lies and Videotape exposes, villainy and despicable behavior that knows no bounds nor has any limits. What was once reserved for the power elite has now been coveted-by and reverted into the clutches of the opposition itself.
The very parties and person that SAY they want to "Stick It To The Man" have BECOME "The Man"!!!
Who are these parties?

  1. Anonymous
  2. Wikileaks
  3. 'Q' and Q-Anon
All three of the above have become STINKING CESSPOOLS of dis-information, infighting and and egomania that is now quite in step with the parties and persons they were setup ORIGINALLY TO FIGHT and subvert in the first place!
They now DISGUST ME with their putrid, vile and ignoble pursuit of self-glorification when THEY could BE and STAY the secretive agents of light bringing the burning sun of discovery upon the rancid evil, the uncaring oligarchy, and the diabolically inclined of this Earthly Realm!
The banal outcries of today's Julian Assange. The petulant nasally rantings of a pubescent Anonymous and the corrupted narcissism of Q-Anon have brought WOE and DISREPUTE upon the once-noble professions of whistleblowing and public leaking of matters that are TRULY in the public interest.
a) What are the contents of the pre-2016 Hillary Clinton emails? Why have so many people DIED trying to access/read those server-based mail systems?
b) How much money DOES Putin have and/or get from illicit or questionable sources?
c) How many people did the Saudi regime MURDER to disrupt dissent in that country? Why is America STILL dealing with such a murderous regime that so readily kills protestors and dissenters bu the swords and by hanging?
d) What financial disclosures are in Donald Trump's Tax Returns?
e) What did Canada and the USA know and do about the Panama Papers and the companies hidden within? Who owns what, and what specific companies are being shielded by such secretive accounts and funds?
f) How many people are there WHO hold all those secret bank accounts in Switzerland, Luxembourg, Lichtenstein, Barbados, Bermuda, Isle of Mann, Monaco, etc, etc. and WHAT have they been used for? Where are those secretive data centers mostly built into the sides of mountains and underground bunkers worldwide, that are currently being USED by these ultra secret accounts and corporate entities, what data and corporate machinations are they hiding within all that encrypted data and ultra-secured communications?
g) How many Millions of People and WHERE IN China has that government been holding dissidents for imprisonment and torture? What are the local conditions suffered by those within those prison walls? To What and WHERE is all that digital effort that the Chinese government is exerting via internet control and public social credit going, when it is the leaders themselves that are corrupt and self-serving? HOw much and where is the money being hidden by the upper echelons within and outside of China itself? How can the Chinese people be made aware and DEFEND ITSELF against the recent history (Tianamen Square, etc) and current events that are causing China to turn into a 1984 Panopticon Dystopia.
h) WHO has visited the island once owned by Jeffrey Epstein and used as a creepy sexual pleasure palace over these past two decades and cruelly victimized underage females and/or males. Who were those sociopathic world politicians, seedy oligarchs and vapid celebrities doing the victimization? Where is the proof? What does Ghislane Maxwell know? Does she have that proverbial Black Book of Names, Phone Numbers and Dates? Where is that Book Now?
i) What papers, technologies, entities and other evidence have the USA and other countries HIDDEN in terms of answering that basic question: Are We Alone in his Universe?
j) How many BILLIONS have been funneled to now nefarious 3rd world regimes by western countries to destabilize their societies and governments? Who ordered those funds disbursed and WHEN?
k) The Secret Patents List -- What's In It? What technologies are they Hiding? And HOW LONG have they been hidden? From where were those technologies originally obtained and/or invented? Why are they being kept secret? Where are they stores now? Leak them NOW!
l) What's in the four Wikileaks Insurance Files? I CAN DECRYPT THEM !!!! I have designed and coded the TECHNOLOGY to do so! I WILL RELEASE THOSE KEYS SOON ENOUGH !!!! AES-256 is NO LONGER unbreakable and WE KNOW how to find the few Islands of Probability that allows us to brute force attack a normally ultra-secure 2 to the 256th power of AES-256 encryption key combinations down to 2 to the 128th power or less of possible encryption key combinations! Why doesn't Assange SAVE ME THE DAMN TIME AND TROUBLE by releasing the decryption keys for the Wikileaks Insurance Files RIGHT NOW ??? !!!!
NONE OF THE ABOVE QUESTIONS have been answered by Anonymous, Wikileaks and Q-Anon!
I personally can BREAK the Wikileaks Insurance Files Decryption Keys! That is NOT a problem anymore!
Now.......What about the OTHER QUESTIONS?
WHO will answer those?
THIS IS YOUR CHALLENGE Anonymous, Wikileaks and Q-Anon and ANY OTHER leaker and Whistleblower .... ANSWER THE ABOVE QUESTIONS with PROOF that includes word processor documents, spreadsheets, databases, videos, audio, emails, text messages, PDF files, analog still photos, JPEG and RAW camera images, written papers, witness testimony, etc.
I am StargateSG7
I am a Friend of Liberty. A Defender of Free Speech. A Vocal Opponent of Secrecy!
It is We The People WHO ARE IN TRUE POWER !!!
We Shall Expose and Overcome The Evil That Resides Within ALL Societies!
Peace, Justice and Liberty For You and All !!!
submitted by StargateSG7 to AnonAndWikileaksSuck [link] [comments]

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