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2020.09.11 07:49 mywoesandthoughts My nude web cams

Dear Social Diary,
I don't know what came over me but today, I wanted to broach on a subject that most avoid to have discussion - Sexting. A social space where you can let your desire mould around. I was apprehensive at first and a little sceptical of such sites that literally exists on search web. When I was on Tinder, I dodged such topic whenever few users I had on my list, wanted to be more in few seconds. I didn't like the idea that they could push me into doing something that didn't involve consent. That time was different. This time, it transcended me into trying sexting with strangers that I wanted to be consensual.
I hit the word and out poured thousands of free websites that blew my mind. There were even articles suggesting which one could attune to one's interest - whether be text messaging, video chatting, nude swaps or hookup, such could be done anonymously without requiring real log in details. As long as fake details are concerned.
There was one website that had innumerable texts with disguised usernames, age and country. Not necessarily that user has to type their real details. I'm sure most are fake except their homeland. But the ethereal was to sext exactly how you like to have the conversation. This website I got on, had inane users asking for specific type that they would like to be teased with. As much tantalizing it seemed, it was titillating as well. I froze at the text bar because I became hesitant for a while. I asked whether it's a great idea to let myself loose. Is this something I wanted to do? Then, why my fingers fumbled, coursing the blood pump wildly at the thought of how I would be able to handle this. Whether users would respect my fantasy? Or will they laugh at me? Of course, they can't see me. We are not eye-to-eye that they would be able to laser drill me. Yet, I hesitated but let myself know - hit it first. Yeah, I mumbled this line as I tapped on the send button - letting out my wild fantasy in the throes of smashing waves.
Oddly, I wasn't expecting to get quite a handful texts who were willing to comply me. I pressed on the envelope icon - with a thumping heart - excited and curious - arousing with anticipation - until I dropped my jaw. As soon as I opened some texts, they were all strangely, amicabley - decent. There was one user that said, "If you want to stick to only sexting, I can respect that. If you feel comfortable, do reply me, I would be happy to chat with you." My reaction was - cricket cacophony. I thought, do really such user exist who could be polite and gentle? I have read that sexting was supposed to be direct and one should pounce at the chance without being formal. But this user exceeded my expectation. But couldn't subservient to my taste. I felt relaxed that there are users like them who poised to respect my choice. Surprisingly they behaved well as I haven't met regular feed users like them on social sites. Next one was a user that was their first time like mine. I giddily told them the coincindance and after that - i ended up chatting friendly with that person who didn't force me why we were there. It was funny I forgot that we should have been chatting risque. But there at that moment, we were literally having a proper friend-to-friend conversation. It was hilarious but also great that the user was nice to be the way we were having that little moment. Other users enthusiastically sent a single common word that I would have loved to chat with them. But my interest was asking for thirst - not a friend list that I would ever accept on facebook. There were few who hit the right spot finally. They aroused my fantasy and wriggled me right as I wanted. It was steamy, erotic and sensual that I never imagined to feel such drive. Best part was, they totally agreed to stay indifferent after the hot session. Some get clingy and pushy that makes the whole experience awry. I had to block some users who were adamant to force me into sending them nudes or cam sex with them.
After the experience, I wondered whether it was right of me to have an adventurous moment. It was good, I have to admit, but did I feel guilty in throwing my desire in complete oblivion? No. I didn't, strangely. I felt confident explicitly. The ardor made me feel bold and boosted a sense of euphoria that I have always been shying off. I don't mean sexually. I mean assertively - that I'm afraid of. Like speaking to people, self-loathing for not being proficient and cowering at striding pertinent decisions and actions. It was like an epiphany that made me feel liberating.
Would I attempt another round? Well, that's hard to say. Depending whether I feel the inner drive to take me high, I guess till then, I'm fine standing on the curb I want to be at - behind me, an addiction - fenced between us.
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2020.09.02 18:11 HyperColossus My nude web cams

Hello,
My name is Zack. I found you on Masteroverwatch as one of the top mercy's and I think that's great! I like my woman skilled at something and still know their place. (Let's be honest if you played a skillful hero like genji or widowmaker, you wouldn't be 4th) From now on you'll be my duo and girlfriend. You'll pocket me. This comes with some conditions: You'll be required to send me snaps of you every morning,noon and evening. Some nude ones at night too. You obviously wont be allowed to stream anymore or talk to other guys. If you please me, I'll buy you occasional loot box or two. We'll Skype everyday, make sure to buy a high definition web cam soon.
Here are my contact details: Skype: GamerBoy999 Battlenet: gamer#6969 Steam: http://steamcommunity.com/id/gamer
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2020.09.02 16:32 IdolA2Sepl My nude web cams

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2020.09.02 15:28 Agreeable_Objective My nude web cams

Hello,
My name is Alex, I found you on masteroverwatch as one of the top mercy's and I think that's great! I like my women skilled at something and still know their place (let's be honest if you played a skillful hero like widowmaker or genji, you wouldn't be 4th) From now on, you're my duo and girlfriend. You'll pocket me This comes with some conditions You'll be required to send me snaps of you every morning, noon and evening. Some nude ones at night too. You obviously won't be allowed to stream and talk to other guys. If you please me, I'll buy you an occasional lootbox or two. We'll Skype everyday, make sure to have a high definition web cam soon.
Here are my contact details:
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2020.09.02 15:27 diamondrel My nude web cams

Hello,
My name is Cummy, I found you on Masteroverwatch as one of the top mercy's and I think that's great! I like my women skilled at something and still know their place. (Let's be honest if you played a skillful hero like genji or widowmaker, you wouldn't be 4th)
From now on you'll be my duo and my girlfriend. You'll pocket me.
This comes with some conditions:
You'll be required to send me snaps of you every morning, noon and evening. Some nude ones at night too.
You obviously wont be allowed to stream any more and talk to other guys.
If you please me, I'll buy you an occasional loot box or two.
We'll Skype everyday, make sure to buy a high definition web cam soon.
Here are my contact details:
https://www.reddit.com/useCummyBot2000/
submitted by diamondrel to copypasta [link] [comments]


2020.08.17 18:45 Sethsears My nude web cams

So, there have been a few posts about this case on here before, but the most recent update is 8 months old, and I thought that I should correlate the original story with all the information that has been released by the Chapel Hill police in the intervening years since the original story broke. This case is still being investigated, and has not gone cold.
The Setup:
In 2012, Faith Hedgepeth was a 19-year-old undergraduate in her third year at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. She wanted to be a pediatrician or a teacher. Faith was also a member of the Haliwa-Saponi tribe; "Haliwa" is not a Native American word, it is a combination of "Halifax and Warren," the counties that the tribe is centered in. She took the spring semester of 2012 off, and lived in an off-campus apartment at the Hawthorne at the View apartment complex, which is on the county line between Orange County and Durham County. She was planning on moving into another apartment in the fall. Her roommate at Hawthorne at the View was a girl named Karena Rosario, who had been friends with Faith since freshman year. Also sharing the apartment was Karena's boyfriend, Eriq Takoy Jones. Their relationship had a history of domestic violence that ended with Karena moving out in July, however, Eriq attempted to break into the apartment twice, even after Faith had changed the locks. After moving out, the two women continued to spend a lot of time together, and Karena was often over at the apartment. Faith drove Karena to the courthouse to get a protective order against Eriq, and he reportedly was resentful of Faith's influence over his ex-girlfriend. Apparently, he had even threatened to kill her at one point, if he could not get back together with Karena.
The Murder:
On September 6th, 2012, Faith attended a sorority rush at Alpha Pi Omega, a traditionally Native American sorority, at around 5:45 PM. She left at 7:15, claiming that she needed to work on a paper she was writing about the Haliwa-Saponi. She went to Davis Library with her friend Karena to study at 8 PM, and texted with her father from 8:30 to 9. She then left Karena there and returned at around 11:30, at which point they returned to their apartment together. After half an hour, they left again and went to The Thrill, a nightclub in downtown Chapel Hill that admitted people under 21 to dance. They entered The Thrill at around 12:40 PM, and left at 2 AM; the security cam footage from the club is the last visual record of Faith alive. They made it back to the apartment at 3 AM, and a woman who lived downstairs described hearing "three thumping noises, similar to a bag being dropped on the floor," shortly afterwards. Faith's Facebook profile was accessed around this time. At 3:40 AM, a text was sent from her phone to a former boyfriend, Brandon Edwards, that read:

Hey b. Can you come over here please. Rosario needs you more aha. You know. Please let her know you care.
Three minutes later, another text was sent, which was only the word "than." It was probably intended as a correction for the word "aha" in the previous text, resulting in this intended message:
Hey b. Can you come over here please. Rosario needs you more than. You know. Please let her know you care.
At 4:16 AM, Brandon wrote back, asking who sent the text. Phone records indicate that Karena was trying to call him at the same time, and when he did not answer, she tried to call Jordan McCrary, a UNC soccer player she knew. At 4:25 AM, she left the apartment in his car, leaving the apartment unlocked with Faith inside. They went to a friend's apartment and stayed there for the night. At 10:30 the following morning, she returned to the apartment with her friend, Marisol Rangel, and found the body, partially nude and wrapped in a quilt, at around 11 AM. They immediately called 911.
The Evidence:
As previously stated, the body was partially nude and wrapped in a quilt. There was significant blood spatter in the bedroom, where the body was found. The cause of death was blunt force trauma to the head, likely inflicted with an empty rum bottle found in the apartment. She had cuts and bruises as well as blood under her fingernails, indicating that she had fought with her attacker. There was evidence of sexual assault; male DNA was recovered from the scene. At first, Eriq was the prime suspect for the attack. He had texted a friend the evening of the attack, asking for forgiveness "for what I am about to do," and posted the same thing on Twitter. Three days later, he changed his Facebook banner to read "Dear Lord, Forgive me for all of my sins and the sins I may commit today. Protect me from the girls who don't deserve me and the ones who wish me dead today." After the murder, he complied with the police's request for a DNA sample, which did not match the DNA found at the scene. He was thus exonerated as a suspect. They also tested the DNA of many men who were recorded at The Thrill that night, and all came back negative, as did the DNA of Brandon Edwards. A combined $39,000 in reward money for leads revealed nothing.
The 911 call put in by Karena and Marisol has come under scrutiny- it has been theorized that the caller heard crying in the recording sounded more like Marisol than Karena, and only identified herself as "Karena Rosario" after numerous requests for her name from the dispatcher. The caller also never mentions Faith by name in the call, only referring to the victim as "her friend." She also never touched the body to see if she was still breathing, despite the instructor asking her to do so. Neither woman touched the body or made an effort to see if she was still alive.
Police recovered a note from the scene, written in black ballpoint ink on the torn-off bottom of a fast-food takeout bag. They think the bag came from Time-Out, a 24 hour biscuit restaurant in Chapel Hill that would have been the only place open at the time. It was only a short walk from The Thrill. The note read:
I'M NOT STUPID
BITCH
JEALOUS
It's unclear if the intended message is "I'm not stupid, jealous bitch . . . " or "I'm not jealous, stupid bitch . . . " due to the sloppy, scrawled writing. It may have been written using the writer's non-dominant hand to throw off handwriting analysis. There was no blood on the note, despite the blood apparently covering the scene of the crime, making it seem as though the note was written elsewhere and then left near the body. The writing of the word "stupid" seemed more carefully written than the rest of the note, suggesting a female writer, or at least a less enraged one. Because it makes no sense to leave a message like that near a dead body, there is speculation that the note was written as an intentional red herring, meant to confuse.
Faith's phone pocket-dialed at 1:23 AM. The resulting recording was three minutes long, and consisted of a conversation between Faith, a man, and a woman. Crime Watch Daily hired an audio expert to enhance the audio, and claimed he could hear "Hedgepeth crying for help while the male says 'I think she's dying' and the female says 'Do it anyhow' after a long discussion in which the female seems to get angrier. The male and female use the name 'Eriq' and 'Rosie.'" Faith's father is convinced that the recording is of his daughter's death. Apparently, the type of phone she had is capable of time stamping phone calls inaccurately, meaning that the recording could have been made at any point during the night.
In 2016, the Chapel Hill police released a phenotype of the killer, based on his DNA profile. The murderer is of mixed Native American and European ancestry; specifically a mix of Mexican, Colombian, and Iberian heritage, with smaller amount of other South American and African ancestry. It is very likely that he would be considered Latino, and would have olive or tan skin, black hair, and few freckles.
The Suspects:
Out of an original pool of a thousand suspects, the police have whittled it down to ten potential killers. The obvious suspect, Eriq Takoy Jones, was not a DNA match. Chapel Hill police declared that the perpetrator was probably someone she knew, but was not close to- a friend of a friend, an acquaintance, a classmate. It's unclear if more than one person was involved. One of the main figures of interest in the case is Faith's roommate, Karena Rosario. Why would she try to text or call two people so late in the night, and with such urgency? Why did she leave her friend sleeping in an unlocked apartment? What was up with the 911 call she made? The police are still in contact with her, even after she's moved out of the state. She reportedly cooperates with them, and otherwise keeps a low profile. According to local reporter Tom Gasparoli, "They do believe there is more Rosario can tell them, [It] sounds to me like [Rosario] has been in the crosshairs . . . as a key figure who knows more than she says she knows."
Sources:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Faith_Hedgepeth_homicide
https://web.archive.org/web/20190830140005/http://www.gaspowrites.com/2017/09/new-info-from-law-enforcement-clip-of.html
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2020.08.16 17:44 Positive_Economy My nude web cams

I was tricked and recorded.I am really scared
So First of all Im new here so bare with me.Ive been feeling very down recently it’s been a horrible year.And with woman it has always been horrible.Well today I woke up and received a notification on Instagram that I was just followed by a girl.I ignored red flags because the account was pretty new she Dm me first.We chit chatted a bit until she wanted to move to hangouts for a web cam session.I thought this is great since this girl was interested in me.So did the whole google hangouts thing and we started chatting.She wanted to video-chat so she turned on her webcam I did the same but my room was dark.I saw a half nude woman who looked like the pics of her account.So I turned on the lights.She then saw me and thought I was cute.I felt very happy and excited.She then started getting naked and stripped.I was getting hard and horny.She wanted to see my dick I slowly showed her my semi erect dick.Thats when it happened Her cam turned off.And she replayed the video over and over and the same time I was bombarded with threats about Sharing the video to my “friends” I got scared and my pp’s erection was gone as faster than it got erect.I was told about how she could ruin my life.So I was asking her if she really is a woman and what did she want.She told me she was a woman and that she needed money for her sister.She told me to stay calm and talk about this I couldn’t stay calm I was scared shitless bc those people where not really my friends just teammates.She kept telling me to be calm but I wasn’t I was freaking out and having an internal panic attack.She then started counting via txt and said that if I dint meet her demands she would leak the video.I deleted the conversation deleted hangouts temporarily deactivated my Facebook since that’s where the important people and friends are.I told me team mates on Instagram to delete the video if they received it and I also reported and blocked her account Now I’m really scared and anxious all of this just happened in the last hour.
TLDR:Girl I met online recorded me naked and threatened to post it
Edit:Wow thanks for the advice guys,It’s been 3 weeks since the incident and I can happily that no nudes where leaked.I have another story to tell later.
submitted by Positive_Economy to Scams [link] [comments]


2020.08.16 15:46 Positive_Economy My nude web cams

So First of all Im new here so bare with me.Ive been feeling very down recently it’s been a horrible year.And with woman it has always been horrible.Well today I woke up and received a notification on Instagram that I was just followed by a girl.I ignored red flags because the account was pretty new she Dm me first.We chit chatted a bit until she wanted to move to hangouts for a web cam session.I thought this is great since this girl was interested in me.So did the whole google hangouts thing and we started chatting.She wanted to video-chat so she turned on her webcam I did the same but my room was dark.I saw a half nude woman who looked like the pics of her account.So I turned on the lights.She then saw me and thought I was cute.I felt very happy and excited.She then started getting naked and stripped.I was getting hard and horny.She wanted to see my dick I slowly showed her my semi erect dick.Thats when it happened Her cam turned off.And she replayed the video over and over and the same time I was bombarded with threats about Sharing the video to my “friends” I got scared and my pp’s erection was gone as faster than it got erect.I was told about how she could ruin my life.So I was asking her if she really is a woman and what did she want.She told me she was a woman and that she needed money for her sister.She told me to stay calm and talk about this I couldn’t stay calm I was scared shitless bc those people where not really my friends just teammates.She kept telling me to be calm but I wasn’t I was freaking out and having an internal panic attack.She then started counting via txt and said that if I dint meet her demands she would leak the video.I deleted the conversation deleted hangouts temporarily deactivated my Facebook since that’s where the important people and friends are.I told me team mates on Instagram to delete the video if they received it and I also reported and blocked her account Now I’m really scared and anxious all of this just happened in the last hour.
TLDR:Girl I met online recorded me naked and threatened to post it
submitted by Positive_Economy to u/Positive_Economy [link] [comments]


2020.08.14 16:18 sweetandsourchicken My nude web cams

Welcome to SmolBeanSnark. Here is our definitive outline with receipts on Caroline Calloway up until now. Please feel free to add your own favorite moments and receipts in the comments. We will continue to update as needed.
Who the F is Caroline Calloway?
Caroline is originally from suburban Virginia. Despite her family’s clear privilege and wealth, she claims she grew up in emotional poverty. At some point she changes her name from Caroline Gotschall to Caroline Calloway because she thinks the latter “would look better on the cover of a book.”
After high school she apparently spends a year traveling abroad but does not acknowledge the privilege of being able to afford this. Then she goes to NYU and begins her infamous friendship with Natalie. After three years at NYU she flunks out.
She applies to Cambridge three times and was finally accepted as a mature student starting in 2013. She claims that her lack of kneecaps constituted a disability so that she could live in a “nicer” dorm. Here she meets a Swedish polo player named Oscar and starts dating him. She makes money by listing her NYC apartment in the West Village on Airbnb. She gets many complaints that the apartment is absolutely filthy.
She gets minor fame on Instagram for documenting her life at Cambridge as a “Hogwarts-esque” fairytale with longform captions. She blows off classes to travel, goes to a lot of balls, parties, etc. She claims she is the first person to post a crying selfie on Instagram. Also is abusing adderall behind the scenes. Most people at Cambridge seem to not care for her portrayal of the school. She spends a lot of money to lavishly decorate her dorm room.
At some point she gets a book deal based on her Instagram following. The book deal is worth $500K and includes a $150K advance. The book is either titled “Schoolgirl” or “And We Were Like”. She advertises it as AWWL but then changes the narrative later when she gets called out for blowing the deal. She says that Natalie wasn’t her ghostwriter, just a collaborator on the book.
Oscar graduates Cambridge and moves to London. They get a flat in London and she spends outrageous amounts of money on stuff like antique Venetian chandeliers. They get two King Charles Cavalier Spaniel puppies. At one point someone claims they were having a party and the dogs pooped on the comforter, so Caroline just shoved the poopy comforter into the oven and kept partying. Eventually Caroline cheats on Oscar. They break up. The puppies are never seen or mentioned again.
As detailed in Natalie’s essay for The Cut, Caroline continually blows deadlines for the book. Natalie, who wants her share of the money, tries to push through and finish the book and Caroline has a full scale meltdown. After the due date comes and goes, Caroline claims that she didn’t write the book because the publishers wanted it to be about boys and she doesn’t want to write about boys even though her entire Instagram is about her relationships with boys. Some people say she didn’t want to admit that a lot of the stuff she wrote was flat out false. Natalie and Caroline have a huge falling out over this. Caroline starts selling pages of the book proposal on Etsy.
She goes quiet on Instagram for a while but is still active on Facebook and Snapchat. Some people have screenshots of things she was doing during this time. She goes to Italy to “detox” from Adderall. At some point she moves back to NYC.
At some point in 2017, Caroline doxxes Oscar’s new girlfriend because she allegedly made a CC fan account. Oscar messages Caroline and asks her to please stop talking about him and his new girlfriend. She responds that he “doesn’t have custody over their shared memories.”
She dates a guy named Conrad for a while. He’s some kind of travel trust fund guy who just goes around doing whatever he wants. They take a road trip to Nebraska. She promises to tell the story of what happened when she saw her relatives there but never does. She and Conrad tell each other “I love you” after two weeks of dating.
She moves to Seattle with Conrad. People who know him say he wants to break up with her but feels bad because she’s financially dependent on him. Eventually, she wants to move back to NYC and do long distance and they break up. She announces this in a post with her flower crown photo shoot of herself and Rachel Cargle. (Yes, that Rachel Cargle.)
NOW WE GET TO THE JUICY PART: THE SCAM! In December 2018**, Caroline has the idea that she’s going to host a world tour of “Creativity Workshops”. She posts that she’s going to host workshops in NYC, Chicago, Atlanta, Seattle, Austin, London, Amsterdam, and Dubai (among other places). She promises things that would clearly require a lot of work but she thinks will be fine, such as elaborate gift bags and personalized letters to every single participant. She orders an entire pallet of mason jars for the gift bags and doesn’t realize how large it is when the truck pulls up to her studio apartment in the West Village. She starts selling tickets for $165 a piece before she has even booked venues.
She starts to realize she can’t keep some of the promises she’s made. She tells her followers that now instead of personalized letters they’ll get a journal. She promises to “cook salads” for lunch for everyone, then asks if they would mind bringing their own lunches because cooking is hard.
A Scottish journalist, Kayleigh Donaldson, starts a Twitter thread that goes viral about how stupid this workshop idea is and how it’s clearly going to blow up in her face. She writes an article about Caroline and this scam for Pajiba. The Twitter thread goes viral. Caroline hosts her first workshop in Brooklyn and then puts a poll on her story asking if people would want to move all of the other events to Brooklyn. The answer choices are “Yes” and “Yes”.
Media outlets start to pick up on this whole ridiculous mess. Caroline backtracks and cancels her tour. She issues refunds. Then, she has a change of heart and uncancels her tour and also sends out an email asking for people who received refunds to actually pay “whatever they think it was worth.” She ends up doing maybe 3-4 events in NYC, DC, and in Austin.
Over the next few months she: buys a bunch of caterpillars but moves them around so much that they die, constantly posts about “going viral as a scam”, claims to be so broke that she buys a $13 aeperol spritz from a bar near her house every night so she can eat the bread and olives for dinner, posts herself jumping subway turnstiles because she “can’t afford” the $2.75 fare, and accepts Venmo payments from her fans who are worried about her financial situation.
Then begins the era of the “tittays.” She starts making these ugly watercolor paintings of her tits and selling them for $40. Then she realizes it could be a cash cow, ups the price to $80 and produces dozens of these cheap ugly things. Many of her fans buy them. She loves her boobs so much she posts a pic of her tits and tags her middle school as the location. She then immediately books a trip to the UK without shipping anything anyone bought.
She goes to Cambridge and claims she’s doing an “artists’ residency” when she’s really just staying in an Airbnb and walking around during the day. She takes photos of herself in a library and claims she wants to do a shoot for Playboy. She paints watercolors using the water from the River Cam. She takes polaroids of the Cambridge campus that she sells to her followers. She attends a ball and brags about doing coke in a church. She goes on a date with a dude, then when she finds out he’s going to be in NYC the next week she books a flight home. She says she decided to come home because she needs to ship the “Tittay” paintings.
Caroline and the Cambridge dude go to a party together and afterwards he tells her that her style is kitsch and he doesn’t like her enough to kiss her, but if she wants to have sex they can. They have sex and Caroline spends the next day on Instagram implying that he sexually assaulted her before she tells the story of what really happened.
She buys a book about Matisse’s cutouts and gets an idea. She traces Blue Nude IV on to color printed paper, cuts it, pastes it on to other printed paper, and starts selling these for $140 or more a piece. Caroline spends almost all of August spamming these “Dreamer BBs” to her followers. Sometimes selling the same one more than once. Many do not get shipped at all. Others are shipped and followers are disappointed when they arrive crinkled and bent. The Pardon My Snark podcast provides a great collection of screenshots.
In early September she finds out Natalie is going to publish an article about their relationship for The Cut. She posts a lot of crying selfies about how much she loves Natalie and how sorry she is that she hurt Natalie and how “if Natalie said it, it must be true.” This is when we get the infamous open mouth sobbing video where Caroline posts a time-lapsed video of herself gluing dreamer bbs and sobbing, with a quick turn to check herself out in the mirror before continuing.
Two days after the article comes out, Caroline gets the news that her father died. Many snarkers at the time feel very sorry for her and take a break out of respect. Caroline does an interview and a photo shoot with NBC News in which she says that she’s upset that Natalie mentioned her threats of suicide in the article. Later, this narrative changes to Caroline being upset that Natlie “erased her mental illness from the record” in the article.
Caroline does a live interview with the hosts of the Red Scare Podcast in Brooklyn. It… does not go well. She inexplicably touts it as a success anyway. She does a 9-part series of Instagram posts that are supposed to reveal something about Natalie and only gets to part 8. This is never mentioned again.
In a fit of selfriteousness, Caroline declares that she will be a vegan for environmental reasons. She continues to eat plenty of animal products including sardines, cheese, and salmon. When people call her out on this she says she’s allowed to have special treats. After a while, Caroline stops mentioning veganism or environmentalism at all.
In October, Caroline goes out to LA and claims she is taking meetings to make a movie about her life. She says that an A-lister is very interested and she claims she went to this person’s house for tea.She goes on a trip to the desert with a guy she’s dating and makes a post about her dad that is a picture of just her torso in a bikini saying that she is sexual and sexy and grief-stricken. When she leaves LA she says she will be back in a few weeks to finalize some deals. She does not return to LA or mention any movie project after this trip.
Caroline starts a Patreon where she promises exclusive daily story content for her subscribers. The Patreon is $2 a month and she gets a few hundred subscribers. She does a bit of close friends content then stops. Does not stop charging people for her Patreon. At one point she says she’s going to go to clear out her deceased father’s home and she will post that to her Close Friends. Then she gets mad that people would “expect” her to share something so painful with them. She rarely mentions her Patreon after this but despite producing no content, she still accepts $2 a month from hundreds of her fans.
For her 28th birthday, Caroline throws herself a $15,000 party at the Brooklyn Historical Society which she calls a May Ball. Many question the amount she spent on this party considering there was a lien filed against her in late October for failure to pay her rent. Her assistant does the real leg work of the party planning while Caroline spends endless hours painting little place cards for everyone who is invited. People are asked to dress like someone or something from art history. Many guests have cool and creative costumes. Caroline wears a cheap looking dress with visible safety pins and unbrushed hair with flowers that are falling out of it. She looks very wasted in most of the pictures.
After her birthday, Caroline goes to spend time in Florida where she makes crass jokes about masturbating next to her grandmother and thinks it’s revolutionary that she’s both a caring granddaughter and someone who has sex. While in Florida she decides she’s going to write a book about “going viral as a scam.” She says she is staying in Florida until the manuscript is done and it will publish in January on the anniversary of her workshops.
Caroline starts 2020 off by ordering two kittens off the internet. They were “on sale” and she got 2 for $3000. They are to be shipped to Florida in February. She posts about how hard “coding” is while putting together her Shopify site.
Caroline returns to NYC and Scammer goes up for preorder. A snarker did a very good summary of the timeline as Scammer evolves. She does some media rounds about the book but tells the press there will be no advance copies and if they want to review it they’ll have to order it. In late January, she announces that Scammer will ONLY be available by preorder and you won’t be able to get it in stores. She does a few offers where if you buy multiple copies of the book you will get dreamer bbs or hats or whatever. She says she will personally sign every copy of Scammer. By March 1 she says “today is the last day you can buy Scammer.”
Despite increasing global panic about the Coronavirus, Caroline takes a trip to Berlin in early March. She posts a lot about sitting in her Airbnb reading Jessica Simpon’s autobiography. She goes to Berghain in a Corona shirt and meets a guy and they stay up all night talking and having sex while high on molly. She thinks it’s special but the next day he’s kinda done with it and she is clearly upset but trying to act cool about it. She hooks up with a Soundcloud rapper from Twitter and thinks she’s cool because she hooks up with guys with tattoos.
After Berlin, Caroline returns to Florida. Her mother rents her an Airbnb and the cats are there. She is supposed to be in quarantine after returning from Europe but instead she goes to the grocery store because her mom bought the cheap brand of olive oil. At one point she strips the sheets off the bed and then sleeps naked with her cats on the bare mattress. When the two weeks are up, Caroline’s grandmother moves to her mother’s house so Caroline can stay in grandma’s condo.
Caroline says Scammer is ready, but the printers have now closed due to the pandemic, though she never discloses which printer she planned to use. She decides she’s going to write a three-part response essay to Natalie’s essay called “I Am Caroline Calloway”. She puts it on a website (iamcarolinecalloway.com) and puts it behind a paywall. Says anyone who purchased Scammer can read the essays for free. Everyone else is charged $10 and she says she’s going to give all the money to COVID relief. She says she will put one part up every Tuesday for three weeks. After the first part of the essay is posted and is 6,000 words rather than the 15,000 words she promised, she posts a full frontal nude to Twitter as an “apology.” She posts part 2 of the essay and does media rounds about donating $50,000 to COVID relief. Then she waits a few weeks, posts part 2.5, waits a few more weeks and posts “Part 3 Part 1”. The essay is never mentioned again.
The attention high of posting a nude to Twitter goes to Caroline’s head. She starts an OnlyFans account and charges $50 a month. When people ask why her price point is so high, she states that her “cerebral, softcore porn” is unmatched and that she is probably the only OF user with a Cambridge degree. Many established sex workers take this opportunity to dunk on her by posting their hotter, more artistic, and less expensive OF accounts. She also takes this time to tweet an antisemitic meme and pretend she didn’t know it was antisemitic.
During this time, Caroline starts dating a 20-year-old chef she meets from Twitter. At some point he comes to reddit and answers some questions about her including that she’s not really a keeper but he’s having fun. Later, his ex comes to reddit and posts screenshots of him saying he’s not that into Caroline. Caroline tweets that her pussy is so “bomb” that she changed his mind about her.
In June, Caroline posts on her story that she’s taking a break from Scammer because of the BLM uprising. Then she says it will ship at the end of June, but since she can’t sign the copies she will make stickers to come with the books. She posts photos of herself at the post office in a fairy costume at the beginning of July but does not clarify if these are the books or the stickers that she is shipping. In mid-July Scammer is still available for preorder.
Toward the end of June, Caroline does two back-to-back interviews on the same day. The first is an interview with the Cambridge Union in which Caroline insists that her primary income is from OnlyFans, doubles down on a racist Coronavirus meme she posted, and gets mad about communism only to admit she doesn’t really know what communism is. She says the interview went well. Then, she goes on to do Ziwe’s “Baited” show. She says she is the only person to have read James Baldwin’s “If Beale Street Could Talk”, says cancelling someone for a hate crime would be the same thing as a death sentence, calls Layla F. Saad “Layla Safad”, asks for ally cookies, and then asks Ziwe to say something nice about her because her manager is mad that she’s doing this interview. Afterwards, Ziwe gets a lot of positive attention because the interview was such a trainwreck and Caroline pretends she is in on the joke and it went well for her. Eventually she gets called out on Black Twitter and posts crying selfies about a depressive episode which is miraculously gone the next day.
Toward the end of July, a snarker notices that her website now says Scammer will ship August 31st. A week later, Caroline posts that preorders are still available. Another week later she posts a video to her story about how she is “reworking” Scammer because 2019 is no longer the “worst year ever” and now the book is going to be about 2020, despite the fact that she advertised that the book would be about the scam workshop and her father’s passing and the Natalie article.
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2020.07.27 19:38 ThrowRA14334 My [29 f] boyfriend [30 m] is trading porn specifically with other women and is also making "cum tributes" for other women (not pornstars) on the internet. Is this something to be concerned over?

UPDATE: we talked and he came clean about everything. he absolutely was cheating (not physically, but the way discussed in post), so we're done. thanks everyone for listening and chiming in - I really do appreciate it.
Background: we have been together a long time and we are very open about our sexual desires. We both enjoy exhibitionism and other kinky shit.
We have talked about how meeting people online and doing explicit sexual things over the web (masturbating together, swapping nudes, etc.) without each other - or without at least the others knowledge - would be considered cheating to me. He said he doesn't consider it cheating and wouldn't really mind if I did it, but he understands my pov.
However, I recently found out that he had asked to see another man's gf so he could give her a cum tribute (not sure if unsolicited or if random bf/gf were looking). I also found out that he was swapping porn with people (which I don't care about) but now he's asking to swap only with women, which doesn't sit right with me for some reason.
I guess since he isn't seeing/communicating with these women personally, and if he is they're not swapping nudes or camming (that I know of), it doesn't really fall in the category of "internet cheating" like previously discussed.
I know he loves me and wouldn't cheat cause that's just not who he is, but this feels weird to me and I don't know what to do.
So am I overreacting and this is a normal(ish) thing (for kinksters at least), or is there something to worry about here?
TL;DR - bf has (is?) made cum tributes and is swapping porn with random women on the internet.
Edit - spelling & clarification
submitted by ThrowRA14334 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.07.24 19:44 throwitallaway8787 My nude web cams

This is a very long post. At the very least, I promise you an interesting story.
I'm really struggling right now, and have been for the majority of my life. If I keep heading down the path I am currently on, I know I will once again find myself in a prison cell, thinking about how amazing my life had been, and wishing I had gotten help before it was too late. I have already gazed once over the smouldering ruins of a life I had worked hard for, only to lose everything in one defining moment. I've risen from the ashes once; I don't think I can do it again.
As a first step, I just need to put the full truth of my behavior out there. I have never told anyone half the stuff I'm about to write here, not even therapists. I really just need to type it out, all of it; I need to see it. I'm not looking for a diagnosis from anyone, but maybe just some thoughts from those who can relate to what I've been going through my entire life. There are crimes mentioned here, but I have already been convicted and served time for every one of them, and I am not currently engaging in any illegal activity.
I am currently in no danger of harming myself or anyone else, unless you count consistently violating the trust of all the people I love. This will eventually lead to me ruining the life I've worked so hard for, as well as destroying everyone I love. This issue, in various forms, has been going on for almost twenty years - all of my teen years and adult life. I don't know what it's like not to be handicapped by this. Enough is enough.
1. Sexuality in my childhood and early teen years.
I grew up financially privileged household with parents who both supported me, and I believe did they absolute best they could. In terms of their treatment of me, I don't ever recall them being anything but supportive in every possible way. As an only child of well-off parents, I was spoiled, and to my memory I really never had to earn the things I wanted. I think that my parents felt guilty for reasons mentioned below, and buying me stuff was seemingly an easy way to make me happy, especially since they both worked full time. A series of full-time babysitters helped take care of me early on. To my memory they were all great.
My parents were constantly yelling at each other. Never any physical abuse, but the yelling never stopped between them. At best guess it was all financial stuff due to my dad buying any car or motorhome or boat or house he liked. I counted once that they split up at least ten times before I was a teenager, and I lived in over twelve different houses (in the same area) before I turned 18. I had normal childhood friends, but I ended up spending a lot of time alone in my room with the door closed; it was a safe space. I was a very fearful and timid child, and never took chances to do anything that made me uncomfortable. This lack of confidence was strong into my late teens, and was still present until my mid-twenties. I was nervous and anxious all the time, and my parents did have me in therapy various times for depression. It might be worth noting that I regularly wet the bed until probably age 8 or 9. I don't know how much a normal person remembers of their childhood, but I think I remember a lot less than average. I have no reason to think I've repressed any abuse.
I was always extremely well behaved, and never once had to be disciplined in school. I was quite literally never "in trouble". Growing up, I remember adults around me would constantly remark I acted and talked like an adult. The way other kids acted out was very strange to me. I started reading books by myself at a very young age. I was nice, fairly quiet, and unassuming. I guess the best way to describe me would've been "stoic".
I was fascinated with sex a very early age, and my parents gave me "the talk" sometime in elementary school because teachers had noticed my sexual behavior. I have no reason to believe I was ever abused by anyone during this time. Around age 11 I found a page of Hustler magazine underneath a sink in a local grocery store. I had never seen anything like that before, and can still remember exactly what the page looked like - full penetration, cum on faces, anal. Like I said I don't remember much at all from when I was young, but I remember this; it felt like something snapped in my brain.
At best guess, around the age of 13 or 14 I started watching several hours of hardcore internet pornography every night - binge sessions that would keep me up until the early hours of the morning. At the time I didn't think this was abnormal.
I often forget just how terrified I was of girls at this state in my life, because I am now very confident with women. But from puberty and into my early twenties I was painfully inept with girls. If a pretty girl talked to me my face would turn BEET red and I'd start noticeably sweating. With the few girls I felt comfortable with, I was a friend zone extraordinaire. Just like most male teenagers, I was extremely horny, and lusted after every single cute girl, but I never did anything with any of them...not even close until late high school, not even a kiss. Everyone I knew was having sex at 13 and 14 years old, and I felt like a total loser in this regard. Asking a girl out was simply impossible, let alone knowing what to do if they wanted to have sex. This was a constant source of crushing stress, and porn was a temporarily band-aid for the pain. I would like to know if this might be part of the reason I find the jailbait and ageplay stuff so exciting.
I did have one girlfriend for almost two years from age 18 to 20, but I had serious issues getting it up when we had sex. I think my brain was so used to the constant stream of porn every night that real girls were now just boring, intimidating, and a lot of work. She cheated on me, but I stayed with her because she was hot and she told me she loved me. Then we both went to college near each other, but she broke up with me like a month into the first semester via text. I was crushed and didn't get into another relationship until I was 25. Before my mid-twenties my level of confidence with girls was simply abysmal.
To the best of my knowledge, my movement outside normal pornography started during my late teens/early 20s with hentai, then into paying camgirls, then to making posts on Craigslist in all the personal sections, but mostly m4m because the people were real and looking. At some point later on I started looking at loli hentai, which I've recently learned actually appears to be illegal in the USA. This seems like a defining moment because prior to this I had no urge to seek out anything "young". The girls looked young in hentai, and it seemed at some point to just slowly progress to drawings which were meant to actually resemble children. It was a very long, slow, and imperceptible shift from regular porn to extreme, but to me, looking back, the path is very distinct.
I consider myself straight, and not even bisexual. But I also talked to hundreds of men during this period of time by way of the Craigslist personals section (probably age 21 at this point). Most I just talked to, and never intended to meet. I ended up giving blowjobs to two of them in cars, and I fucking hated it each time. I compulsively created and responded to these posts on Craigslist. I recently deleted that email account - there were literally thousands of those Craigslist emails.
2. Worsening compulsive porn use in my early twenties.
At this point I started venturing more and more into "deviant" porn. After a huge binge session I would finish and just sit there numb, wondering why I was continuously doing this, even if it was just regular porn. Shame and guilt hit me like a truck after every session, but when I would wake up the next day I seemingly forgot about everything, and just would go on with my normal life. Nobody realized I had any porn issues whatsoever, and from the outside I appeared as a normal dude, and really I didn't think I had issues. Every night was the same, and every night I ended up going to bed hating myself, but would be just blissfully ignorant come the next day.
It was like some Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde shit where I would just transform into some slimy reptile at night, who had full control of me until he finished a smut binge session. And I'm always in the background, trying to get him to stop. I was "happy" at this point; I had tons of friends, and was liked by girls. Though at that time, a girl would have to literally throw herself on me to let me know she was interested. I was totally oblivious to any attraction toward me. A number of girl have told me in recent years that they had a huge crush on me, but I was just oblivious.
Also, I think I had this warped perception of sex because I had been exposed to thousands of hours of hardcore porn. I thought my dick was tiny and that I'd get laughed at. Also, no one had ever property taught me to care for my uncircumcised penis, and therefore I had phimosis at this point (unretractable foreskin). Sex with my one long term girlfriend was painful for me because of this, and it was just so much easier to jack off than deal with all this humiliation.
3. Things get bad.
Around 2009 Chatroulette and Omegle came out, which was a turning point. I found myself calling in sick to work to browse Omegle all day and night. Like eight or ten hours worth, which is sometimes what it took to find a girl willing to help you finish. There were girls who were definitely younger than 18, but I was so desperate for any sexual attention that I somehow convinced myself that talking to these girls was OK. "If they don't say they're under 18 then it's ok, right??" I didn't have a preference for anyone younger, but if some girl was willing to watch me, apparently I didn't really care what their age was. At the end of all these sessions I would think, "uh, what the fuck are you doing dude", followed by the normal torrent of shame.
The rational me is always there, literally begging myself to stop. I consistently participate in things I am ashamed of, all the while telling myself that what I'm doing is wrong and hoping that I can somehow stop myself. I feel like I'm down a dark well, screaming up at the guy who is in charge, but all he wants to is consume the dirtiest and kinkiest smut he can find; only after that will he let me climb out.
Which brings us to when I started looking at non-nude jailbait photos around the age of 23. I'm not sure when I discovered the "Newstar" and "Tinymodel" photo sets, but to that reptile dude in my head they were extremely exciting.
Historically, I have never had any intense sexual attraction to girls younger than me, and I have always sought out girls within my age range. But being honest, part of me loved looking at these pictures of young scantily clad girls. Vanilla porn was now just uninteresting, and didn't provide me the same excitement, and this jailbait stuff was literally like I had found a new drug. I loved it and I fucking hated it. I never walked around in public and saw young girls and thought "wow I want to have sex with her". It was all photo and video based. It was like the girls I was looking at online weren't even real people to me.
It was not long before I started seeking out actual underage pornography. I have intentionally searched for and masturbated to actual child pornography. I have never actually said that sentence to anyone, despite the fact that I was eventually caught and charged with possession of this shit. I only got into this stuff for a few weeks, but I fucking hate that I participated in it at all. A lot of it was just videos of young girls solo on webcams, but there were a few times I sought out, watched, and masturbated to girls probably as young as ten participating in sex acts with older men, presumably their fathers. I cannot un-see these images; I want them ripped from my brain, and for these kids to have normal lives. I want their abusers jailed for life.
After these binge sessions the shame was so great I considered suicide. I would go on binge sessions on the dark web, looking at whatever I could for hours, only to be met with the worst shame you could possibly imagine when I was done. I would lay in bed for days afterwards, not eating or drinking. I remember the thing that finally woke me the fuck up was coming across a video where a young girl was on camera and started to cry and looked at someone off screen and said "dad, can't we just play with legos?". WHAT THE FUCK. I have tears in my eyes just remembering this. How could anyone actually do something like this to a child? This is a real person.
Right then and there I broke down completely and sobbed my fucking eyes out. I felt completely out of control with my own actions, and though the thought of abusing a child disgusts me to my core, by watching this stuff I was supporting it. I don't want to fuck kids or young teens, so why am I watching this stuff? A few years prior to this I would have never considered looking at this stuff...what the fuck was happening to me? How do you even get help for this stuff? If I tell someone I'm looking at this shit they'll just lock me up. Instead of talking to anyone about what was going on in my own head, I moved 2,000 miles away from my home town to a town I had never visited before. I didn't even have a job lined up. Literally I hit rock bottom, panicked that the only solution was to fundamentally change my life, looked up the "happiest and healthiest town in America", and moved to #1. I'm now in my mid-twenties.
4. Moving away from home. Peace. Happiness. Misery. Police.
Initially, moving away from home did "the trick". I could actually call myself truly "happy" for the first time I think really ever, and I was healthy to boot. The possibilities in my life seemed absolutely without limit. I started working out and doing a bunch of stuff outside (rode my bike everywhere cause I didn't have a car). It was a mountainous town and I got involved in climbing, skiing, and everything else I could. I felt "clear" for the first time in decades, and my porn use pretty stopped almost completely. But I never dealt with the actual problem (and still haven't), and everything came back eventually.
I met a girl in the apartment complex one street over who I quickly fell head over heels for. We started hooking up, but it became apparent we wanted different things (I wanted commitment, she didn't), and I drove myself crazy over the next two years pining after her. I'd ask her to make things official, she'd run off, I'd date someone else, she'd get upset and sleep with me and tell me she loved me, then she'd start sleeping with someone else. We were in the same friend group, and she refused to let anyone know that we were intimate with each other. Eventually I just ended up feeling like a shameful secret. We were basically best friends who spent all our time together, and sometimes slept together. The story is long, and I think I'm at fault as much for not giving her space as she is for constantly vacillating between "loving" me and sleeping with other guys. Nothing was ever malicious on her end, but I think we were both a bit fucked up in our own ways, and eventually I found myself in a serious emotional decline. I felt hopeless and worthless; previously I had been filled with a newfound massive confidence, but now found myself just wanting to feel wanted. Before all the shit hit the fan I found myself sometimes calling her dozens of times in a night because I knew she was over some guys house. I drove around town looking for her car in front of dudes houses. I literally felt like I had lost my mind. During these times I had the same voice in the back of my head saying "uhhh, dude? this is fucked up and you need to stop".
Since moving to this city I had landed a great job with a company where I was well-liked and respected. I had tons of friends, and was like a goddamn social butterfly; I was always somewhere doing something with good people. I was so happy in almost every aspect of my life. I had been such a "scared" person my entire life, the fact that I was able to move here and succeed filled me with a confidence I had never experienced. If I could have just gotten my head out of my ass and focused on how amazing my life actually had become, I'd probably still be in this town.
But instead I dug myself into an emotional grave because the girl I wanted didn't want me in the same way, and I couldn't cope, or something. I had several other really fantastic women I was seeing on and off, ones who really liked me for me and would have been up for actual relationships, but they weren't her. In a very short period of time, towards the end of the two years of living in this new town, I got right back into the type of porn I ran away from. I started posting on Craigslist in multiple sections with both fake ads and real ads. I went from 0 to 1,000 with everything in the span of probably six months. I gave two more guys blowjobs, and once again fucking hated every second of both experience. I got right back into non-nude jailbait, and towards the end found myself on the dark web once again seeking illegal porn.
During this time I had posted several ads on Craigslist looking for actual women to sleep with, or really even just talk to; I just wanted to feel wanted. I never posted any ads actually looking for an underage girl, but one responded claiming to be 13, and against ever fiber of my being, I responded. We talked over the span of about five days, email and then through text. She complained about how all the girls at school made fun of her and she didn't have many friends and just wanted someone to talk to about "stuff". I seemed "cool" and "interesting" and she said she liked talking to me. We eventually talked about sexual things (this in itself is a felony), but fortunately no pictures were exchanged. Eventually the topic of meeting each other was brought up. I vacillated between thinking this was some old greasy dude in his basement, and thinking that I was actually talking to a young girl. This doubt gave me permission in my own head to talk to this girl. But also my own head was telling me "DUDE WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, STOP THIS." The thought of sexually talking to a 13 year old girl excited me, and I need to be honest about this. The idea of meeting up excited me as well. "She" tried to get me to meet her, but I did not make any attempt, and never actually set anything up. The rational voice in my head won out, and I stopped talking to her.
Right before I stopped talking to her I found myself driving down a long beautiful mountain road after work and Norah Jones's "Come Away With Me" came on the radio. It was so beautiful. All of a sudden it really hit me how fucking stupid I was in talking to this girl, but also how long I had been struggling with doing things I didn't want to do for so long, and how I just didn't know how to escape it. I pulled over to the side of the road and bawled my fucking eyes out. "Is this how you're going to find happiness, dude?" I just wanted to find someone to love and to love me back, to be in a healthy relationship for the first time, to feel "clean" and wholesome and proud of my actions and decisions. I didn't want any of this stupid shit I was now suddenly back into.
A week or so after I stopped communicating with this girl, five detectives woke me up at 6am banging on the door of my apartment. I was not under arrest, but they took all of my electronics and informed me that I had actually been talking to them, not to a 13 year old girl. I thought the life I knew was over (I was right), so that night I held a kitchen knife up to my arm. I thought of my parents and just couldn't go through with it. I've never seriously thought about anything like this since that moment.
I didn't hear from the police for about four months. I told my parents what had happened the day after the cops showed up, and how I had been struggling with pornography addiction my entire life, and it felt good to be "honest" (really I didn't tell them half the shit I had issues with, but even halfway felt great). I got a lawyer and just sat around for a few months waiting to be arrested, sitting with the severe anxiety of not knowing if or when my life is going to be totally destroyed by committing a sex offense.
5. Arrest. Conviction. A promise to myself.
They arrested me outside my home in broad daylight, two plainclothes officers driving an old shitty Honda Civic. If they had just told me to come to the station I would have turned myself in, but they got all theatrical with it, and called me and made up some story about how they were from my old apartment complex and wanted to drop off my security deposit at my house. To this day whenever I hear a car door shut outside my house, or see an unknown car park nearby, or even dudes in public who look like undercover cops, I immediately get a severe rush of anxiety in the fear that I'm about to be arrested again. I'll go from totally relaxed to severe paranoid paralyzing anxiety in a microsecond, heart beating out of my damn chest.
My arrest should have been a small blip in the news, but because of some other factors it would take too long to go into, I ended up on the front page of every paper and TV station in the state. Sitting in jail, I didn't know this until the next day. I remember sitting in the bond hearing court room, just staring at the line of media photographers in the audience with all their telephoto lenses, capturing my face to put it in the papers underneath words like "predator", "pedophile", and "sex offender"....and they did. My lawyer came in and just said some shit like "yeah, sorry dude, you are everywhere". It's a very unique feeling knowing that from this point forward, absolutely everything in your life will be different. Every relationship you have will be affected. Nothing will ever be the same.
I vowed right then and there to never give up no matter how tough the road ahead gets. I'm going to live a life I can be proud of; this will be my success story. Maybe I'll write a book about it, but it would be pointless without an ending I could be proud of and honest about. I will be the guy who, against all odds, moves beyond a criminal sex offense, and has people who love and trust him, and who can eventually look back and say "look at what I achieved". I've made great strides toward this life, and have worked my ass off to get where I am now, but the the mental issues which led to my eventual imprisonment are still inside my head, and I finally need to admit that I need serious help.
6. Finding happiness while everything around me is on fire.
My parents bonded me out the next day. Though my boss tried his best to keep me, the widespread news of my arrest and the fact that we were one of the most respected (and well known) general contractors in the area meant I lost my job. I was friends with over a dozen guys I worked with, always drinking some beers behind the workshop after a day of hard work. I was there fore over a year, building relationships, and I had started going out to bars and going over the bosses houses for family dinners. Save for the three main guys, I never saw any of them again. Though I did maintain a group of close friends who still supported me, the whole town now felt toxic. I decided to move back home. I flew back to the state in question probably 8 times for court hearings. What started out as my lawyer being confident that I would just get a few years probation turned into me fully pleading guilty to internet solicitation of a minor and possession of child pornography. I had I think five to seven nude images of girls who were under 18 on my computer, and one video. My lawyer dropped the ball several times when communicating / meeting deadlines with the district attorney, and the situation became way worse than it should have been. Under my lawyers advisement I signed a plea deal which meant there was no question I would get a prison sentence between 2 and 8 years. I did commit crimes and it is my opinion that I did deserve punishment for allowing myself to make disgusting choices. I mean, from the outside, I can see how I looked like a run-of-the-mill child predator. However, spending a few years in prison is probably the least helpful thing for someone in my situation, in my opinion.
While I was home fighting my case I was filled with a sort of "I have nothing to lose" confidence, and started taking any girl who would accept out on dates. I thought my friends sister was cute, so I asked her out. It took a good number of tries, but she eventually agreed to let me take her to dinner. We had a really great time. After a couple dates I was honest about the legal situation I was in, as well as my mental struggles. She was a bit shocked of course, but she had known me for a long time. She stuck around, and we had the most beautiful summer together before I had to fly 2,000 miles away to serve an unknown amount of prison time. She, as well as my parents, sisters, and friends flew out with me to the sentencing hearing. My girlfriend and I told each other "I love you" for the first time the night before the hearing.
We're still together, and she's been by my side through everything the past five years. I've never met someone who was so easy to be around. How I could ever get so lucky, I will never know.
7. Prison. Gangs. Solitary confinement. Making the most of it.
I was sentenced to four years in a medium security state penitentiary. The gangs pretty much run the prisons in this state, and you'll get immediately extorted by the gang which coincides with your skin color if they find out you're a sex offender. I stayed under the radar for a few weeks, but some gangs save newspaper clippings with sex offenders photos, and I got found out. They threatened to kill me, so I told the guards I was in danger; they agreed. I spent a month and a half in solitary confinement for my own protection. This was "the hole", a cell with no window to the outside where they never turn the lights off). I was eventually transferred to a different facility which was much safer, though one sex offender was murdered during my stay there. Prison could be a book in itself, but most of it was just groundhog day. It would be best described as long periods of mind-numbing boredom interspersed with occasional moments of sheer fucking terror. I was extremely fortunate to talk to my girlfriend every single day on the phone, as well as very regularly my parents, relatives, and friends. I had a ridiculous number of visitors, despite being a 2,000 mile flight and hours long drive through the desert away from everyone I cared about.
I had started taking mindfulness meditation classes after the initial search warrant was served. This habit continued into prison, and most of my month and a half in the hole was spent meditating. Solitary confinement can be maddening; you could occasionally hear guys screaming or crying in other ~60 cells in the solitary cell block. But honestly I've never been more at peace than how I was during those 45 days. I remember my girlfriend told me over the phone that she had heard that my ex girlfriend (long term one from when I was ~19) was going around telling people the news that I was a child molester. At first I felt panicked, because this firestorm of people I went to high school with "finding out" about me was totally out of my control. But then I came to the realization that that's pretty much how life always is, even if you're not a convicted sex offender sitting in the hole because the Aryan Empire wants to kill you. You could just be a dude minding his business, and then bam, you get run over by a bus. I can't control what people think of me, or the things they say, and that's ok. But I should be able to control which thoughts I turn into actions, and meditation helped me greatly in this.
At this new facility I eventually petitioned the warden to allow me to start a weekly meditation group. He allowed it, and they gave me a quiet classroom behind the library to use for two hours every Wednesday night. It started out with pretty much just me alone, maybe one other person occasionally. Within a few months I had about a dozen regular members. Everyone from sex offenders, to men who had murdered their wives and didn't quite know why, to ex gang members. Twice we had meditation instructors come from the outside to teach for a day. We meditated and discussed how to find peace in a place as abrasive as prison. I taught these men that their thoughts do not need to dictate their actions, and that they have control over their own mind, not the other way around. Focus on the breath, observe your own thoughts coming in and observe them going out. At this point my mind felt healthier than ever had before; I could "see" the thoughts which entered my head and choose to either pursue them or just send them on their way. Through daily practice (I meditated every morning and night) I was becoming a master of my own mind, but now I seem to have lost it all. I can't even bring myself to sit on my mediation cushion; I feel like someone is physically preventing me from meditating. I based almost my entire practice around a fantastic book called "Turning the Mind into an Ally" by Sakyong Mipham. Right after I got out of prison I heard that there were recent multiple credible sexual assault allegations against him. This destroyed me a little bit. Is anyone actually righteous?
I called the prison a few months ago. The meditation group has more members than ever.
8. I shall be released (but with an ankle bracelet).
I was paroled at my first parole hearing. Overall I spent about twenty months in prison, out of a possible 48. This didn't just happen; I have never worked so hard at anything. I participated in every prison program I could. I worked 40+ hours a week as a maintenance technician at the facility, as this is my area of expertise. I was well known and liked by dozens of guards, probably partly because I never caused a single issue. I was in three bands, and after I played a live show for the entire ~1,000 inmate population the gangs left me alone because they liked hearing me play guitar (pretty much the only thing I've stuck with for the last 15 years). I volunteered to give a ten minute graduation speech to a couple hundred inmates in a certain program. At this time, public speaking was at the top of my list of fears. I took every single opportunity presented to me an capitalized on it. Not just because I wanted to be released, but because I felt compelled to. No more being scared. No more fucking around. I am ready to lead a life I can be proud of, and it starts now, not when I'm released from behind bars.
Thankfully I was allowed to parole to my home state. I moved in with my girlfriend (and her mom), and we started looking for places to rent together, finding one in about a month. My parole office was amazing, and when I was eventually released from parole, after about a year and a half, we shared a good number of beers together. I can't tell you quite how good it feels to cut a heavy cigarette-pack sized ankle bracelet off after wearing it for 18 months straight. This was almost a year and a half ago now.
It was finally done. I was no longer a number in the Department of Corrections. I was free, free to build a beautiful life with my beautiful girlfriend. And I never watched porn again. Fairy tale ending.
9. P.S. - Nothing has really changed.
I started looking at porn probably two days after I got home. I tried REALLY fucking hard not to, but it just happened like I was on autopilot. It started with just me giving myself the excuse I could jerk off to some scantily clad anime girls, then moved to ecchi ("I mean, whatever, it's just nipples dude"), and then to hentai. In my head I'm screaming at myself, "DUDE STOP, GO HAVE SEX WITH YOUR ACTUAL HORNY GIRLFRIEND", while I'm loading up Pornhub in the bathroom. I was not allowed to look at porn while on parole, but they did not actually monitor anything or ever actually check my devices. I was allowed a smart phone and essentially unrestricted internet access. I passed all my drug tests, passed my polygraphs, and presented no actual problems to the parole office, so I pretty much totally fell off their radar. I had to take state-sponsored sex offender therapy, but if I had admitted to looking at porn they would've just sent me back to prison because it was a parole violation. So much for getting help with your biggest problem.
I tried to stop, dozens of times. At most I could go about two weeks without looking at porn, which is pretty much a world record for me. I felt fucking amazing during these periods. But whenever I abstain for a long period, something will inevitably stress me out, and I'll dive back into the sexual compulsion. Soon, I got right back on Omegle, and found a new thing to search for: phone sex. It's not hard to find a girl willing to have phone sex on there; much easier than finding someone to cam with. In the past eighteen months I've probably have phone sex with at least three dozen women. In my mind, and I'm sure in the mind of my girlfriend, this is cheating, plain and simple. Again, what the fuck dude.
But I'm not thinking of this when we're together. I'm just being me, and enjoying her. There's no present thought in my mind going "hey I feel really guilty about having phone sex with girls right before you get home from work". I love her, and I love spending time with her, and none of the shameful shit I am involved in even enters my mind when we are together. Though occasionally during sex I'll get hit with a wave of shame and I'll lose my erection and can't get it back up. "I'm just really tired", I say. Ugh.
Probably 6 months ago I started looking non-nude jailbait photography again. It always happens the same - I tell myself, "ok you're horny so just jerk off for ten minutes to some vanilla stuff so you can think clearly and after that you're gonna get a bunch of shit done". Two hours later I've still got my hand on my dick, I'm all flushed and sweaty, and I'm looking at jailbait pictures while I'm screaming at myself inside my own head...
"Stop. Please stop. Dude you know you don't want to be doing this. Is this going to be the last time? If you need to finish just do it but make this the last time. You can still stop. Go take a cold shower and just stop. Please. You know this isn't what you want. Please stop".
I just burst into fucking tears typing that because I've gone through that loop in my own head literally tens of thousands of times. I just cannot stop myself. There is nothing I want more in this world than to stop all of this.
It just keeps happening, no matter how many strategies I use to stop, I always find an excuse.
"Just do it this once but then never again."
"Ok you can look at porn but only 15 minutes worth."
"Ok fine, jerk off to some legal jailbait stuff, but make it quick, no endless scrolling."
"Well you're a fucking freak anyways, everyone think's you're a pedo, so fuck it, prove em right. You know you can't stop so just embrace it and enjoy it. Let's find the kinkiest shit possible."
And when I DO abstain for a long period, when I eventually relapse it's just 1000x worse. I'll end up doing like an eight hour binge and missing an entire day of work.
And it's getting worse. I'll talk to girls and guys over the phone via Omegle, and I've started asking guys to roleplay a dad/daughter or brothelittle sister fantasy with me. I ask if they want to roleplay that we're dads and have "hot" stories to tell about our young daughters. I get turned on thinking about talking about something this kinky, but I end up hanging up every time within like a minute. Like literally I've never even gotten close to "finishing" on one of these calls. Probably done this like 15 times in the past 6 months. The other guy starts going into his fantasy story and it hits me how fucked up this is and I hang up. I don't want to fuck kids...this is not a thing that is on my mind, ever. I do not go to the beach and think "hell yeah look at all this ripe young ass". Almost all of my friends have young children and I've never once thought of doing anything with them. In fact I pretty much avoid children, because I now project what I think other people think of me onto myself.
When I ask these guys on Omegle to roleplay occaisonally one will ask if I'm "active", aka actually molesting a child, and it makes me want to throw up thinking someone would want to hear about actual abuse. When I read a news story about someone actually raping a kid my face curls up in disgust, which I feel like is pretty much the "normal" reaction. Weigh that against the fact that a couple times in prison I got horny and started writing a few sex stories involving young teens. I never finished any of these stories, and shredded and threw them out halfway through writing all of them. Again, what the fuck.
I'm just waiting for the FBI to show up at my house. Isn't asking guys on Omegle, "would you be into a fantasy where we roleplay as two dads telling hot stories about our daughters?" a huge red flag? But I always tell them, "this is 100% fantasy, and I do not want to hear about anything real. I do not want to receive pictures or participate in anything actually illegal." If they say they have real stories I leave the chat / hang up immediately. Even though I'm not doing anything illegal, whenever I hear a car door shut from a neighbor, my heart races and I have to get up from my desk to check if it's the cops.
I also sometimes ask the phone sex girls on Omegle to ageplay as a young teens for me, and pretty much all of them have been happy to. Like 15, 14, 13 years old, whatever they're comfortable with. Why do I want this? Why is there such a disconnect between what I find disgusting in real life and what I "want" to fantasize about? If I could pay someone my entire life savings to remove the part of my brain that harbors this desire to fantasize about the idea of sex with young girls, I wouldn't hesitate for a second. I do not and have not talked with anyone on Omegle or on the phone who says that they are actually under 18; at least prison taught me the lesson to never talk to an actual young person ever again. Maybe in some peoples opinions the ageplay thing is acceptable and nothing to be ashamed about, but I do not want it as a kink of mine. It brings me serious, crushing shame for days after I participate in it.
Is anyone else like this? I just want to stop feeling like a freak - I just don't want to feel ashamed anymore.
Shame really seems to be a constant theme of my sexuality throughout the years. Even after normal sex I feel a bit of shame. I've always had serious shame amount my body, especially my genitals, but even with just taking off my shirt. My parents were always open to talk about sex, and to my memory never did anything to instill shame in me when it came to sex. But stepping back it almost looks like the things that I find the most shameful are the things I'm most likely to seek out.
Post too long, last two chapters have been posted in a comment.
submitted by throwitallaway8787 to mentalhealth [link] [comments]


2020.06.24 04:39 inkis27 Nude cams my web

So this was a few years ago I was 20 he was 19. We met online and he didn't meet anything I was looking for but I figured you I'd give him a chance cuz he seemed like a nice person when we first started dating then fast forward about 6 months in the relationship. So at the time I lived in a small town when we met and he lived in a bigger city. I couldn't find work due to the amount of eligible jobs that were in town and I mean there were like 5 fast food places and one grocery store that was never hiring. There was nothing for me there in this small town and he lived in my hometown so we talked about the idea of moving in together and he liked the idea and this was a first for the both of us. Around the time I turned 21 when we were already living together is when I kinda noticed him change his attitude on a lot of things especially the whole drinking thing, like it was weird thing for me to have a beer once in a while but somehow he was getting away with buying beer underage? I mean I never gave it too much thought cuz they never ID him. So aside from that I noticed he liked to lie to me about what he could do like basic knowledge of cooking or cleaning ..... he never did any of those things if it wasn't for me moving in his apartment it just would've been eating take-out every day and his place just would've been a dumpsite. I mean literally trash bags that never moved he just fill one up and just place it in the living room and forgot about it, soda cans took up every little space possible on the coffee table the counters his computer desk the entertainment center and even on book shelves he just never threw away these soda cans . He would heat up left over take-out in this like 10+ year old microwave with metal utensils still in the container and when I told him "you're not supposed to put metal in microwaves" he just gave me a confused look like this is the first time hearing about this new information, apparently no one never told him anything about this and he just been used to doing this. He had a few decent jobs in sales but he had this false belief that he could survive on commission sales and I convince him to get a job that he could move up in pay wise so he had got a job in construction and he was content with it cuz of the pay and the steady hours. I eventually landed a job as a waitress and around this time we were kinda struggling with money trying to get caught up with bills and we had just got a new car and before that he was borrowing my brothers jeep to get to work. So when I started working he insisted I take the car cuz he didn't want to get the car scuffed up on the job sites. So there was one night that we were just relaxing at home he was playing games in the living room and I was in the bedroom on the computer just watching youtube and then was a message that popped up on skype that said " Hey Baby" and out of curiosity I clicked on it thinking it was my skype account but it wasn't it was his skype account and it was from a woman about my age at the time and he was also signed in on his phone as well the desktop so I literally watched them have texted each other it wasn't until she tried to video called was when he realized he was signed in on the desktop so he rushed over and signed out of his skype. I'm like " who was that?" and he just nervously chuckled that it was just a friend..... she was asking for money to send nudes. So I'm i brushed it off and he went back to playing games in the living room so I got more curious of this woman so I looked up her name in his emails and sure enough there were plenty of nudes and it turned out she was a cam girl that he'd been paying for since way before we started talking.... I was upset I didn't know how to deal with it at the time cuz I was trying to figure out the comparisons of whether it was like porn or like watching strippers but this was a cam girl.... so the following morning I called my friend about it and she kinda told me that it was cheating regardless if he was paying for her nudes. Later that he came home from work and tried to have a talk about it that it wasn't what it seemed and I'm calm and listening cuz at first I thought this is kinda funny that he's bringing it up but he just started getting mad about it like what? He was angrily apologizing about the whole cam girl and lying about how long it had been going on and that he had talked to my dad about it. I was really taken aback by him yelling his apology , but then the following morning my dad called and brought up the whole cam girl conversation and ask me if he talked to me about it and I explained to my dad about the yelling and my dad insisted that he probably didn't know how to deal with my reaction so I tried to forget about it. Fast forward a few months later we had gotten into a huge argument I don't quite remember what it was about but he asked me to get out so I left and I went for a cruise downtown to calm down and I come back about an hour or so later and he's asleep so I go to bed as well then around the weekend we get into another argument cuz I had made a joke about the cam girl and he got really mad about it and started accusing me of cheating when I went cruising the other night cuz apparently he was tracking me through my google account that I was signed in on the desktop. (google has a "places you been" feature) so I kept trying to tell him I didn't stop anywhere or talk to anyone ( I wasn't allowed to have friends at the time cuz he didn't) and then he demanded to see my phone to and wanted me to leave the apartment with no keys no purse. I told him no cuz he's being dumb and I have work in a few hours he was persistent I gave him the keys back for his car and I asked for the keys for my brother's jeep he told me no that I had no right to the jeep and that he wouldn't let me walked to work and that I needed to call someone to come pick me up and take me to work ( which my family lived out of town and again I had no friends) and when I found someone to take me that I needed to leave my phone behind. I kept trying to ask him why he was doing all this cuz it was just unnecessary and reason with him that his demands made no sense so it led up to yelling and him trying to grab my phone and it got to the point that he grabbed my wrist that I had my phone and he tried to rip the phone from me and somehow he had my arm over his shoulder and during the struggle he flipped me over his shoulder and straight into a wall and I fell to the ground. I left a huge hole in our wall and I was stunned and he was even more mad. So I tried to run for the door but he blocked me and pushed me to the ground and at this point I was panic crying at this point and started to scream hoping the neighbors could hear me and hopefully call the cops or something. Then he started yelling at me to shut up or he was gonna call my dad to deal with me and I screamed at him to call my dad and with my surprised he did .... he called my dad and so he spinned this whole web of lies that he caught me cheating on him and that he was kicking me out and that I refused to leave, and my guessing is that my dad asked to put me on the phone and told me to take the jeep and just go to a family friends house until I have to go to work and I explained that I couldn't cuz he wouldn't give me that keys so I hand back my phone and my dad told him to give me the keys and he'd call him later. So I leave and about 10min later my dad calls again and started asking what was going on cuz he didn't believe anything he was saying and I told him so he explained to me that he told my now ex bf that he would come by tomorrow for my things from his apartment but my dad told me to go back to get my stuff while he's at work and for safety measure to take a peace officer with me and told me not to press charges. The following morning I got up early around the time he leaves for work called the non emergency and met with the officer at the apartment and just packed all my things and left. Later that day he started blowing up my phone about how I stole from him and that I didn't have permission to get MY things from his apartment and that he was gonna call the cops for theft... so I told him that I had every right to cuz I was also on the lease to this apartment and that I took an officer with me and I told him to leave me alone from no on. So eventually the jeep went down cuz he never told me about any problems with the jeep .... he was driving with no oil... so I was relying on the friends I was living with for a ride, but even weeks after me moving out he stilled blew up my phone and at the time my phone couldn't block numbers and I couldn't afford to get a new one or change my number so the best thing was to ignore him cuz if he texted me " how are you?" and I'd reply " please stop texting" or " please leave me alone" like I just wanted him to stop but that didn't work cuz immediately after would either be a lengthy text about how I'm a whore and a liar or a phone call yelling at me that I'm a slut and just a bunch or cussing and name calling. So eventually about 2 months had past since I moved out and yes the texts kept coming, but one day I met a guy at work and he rode a motorcycles ( I love motorcycles) and I'm just taking his order and eventually we end up exchanging numbers and a week later we go on our first date. Then we make it official so then one day my ex kept complaining about wanting my key to the apartment back and I explained that he knew where I lived and knew where I worked and that I didn't have a car anymore. He refused to come pick it up and that it was my problem to come bring it to him so I told him fine that I'll figure out a way to take it him. So that night after work my BF picked me up on his bike and I asked him to take me to drop off this key so he's like sure and we get to his apartment and I said I didn't want to go up to the door so I would just stick it to his car ( I took a couple of stickers from work) and I put it on his review mirror so that I knew he would see it and we left. Then next day my ex starts blowing up my phone about how I brought the key back that I was rude for not coming up to the door and personally handing it to him and I explained that I got off work at midnight and I didn't have time to waste cuz I had to be home. He just kept blowing up my phone again about how I was whore again. So months had gone by and yes my ex was still texting my phone and on this day was when hurricane Harvey hit and the town I lived in was mandatory evacuation, so me and my BF took off to Austin Tx and my roommates and my dad knew this and I'd call periodically to check in, so we get up there check into our room and we decided to go down to 6th street ( there was little rain out there) and we find a bar and we started you know enjoying ourselves and I was drinking ( he wasn't he was driving) and I started to get a buzz when my ex decided to text me " I hope you doing okay cuz the storm just started to hit here and my lights went out... etc" and of course being buzzed I replied with that I didn't care and that I was tired of him messaging me and that he needed to move on and get over me already and that's when all hell broke loose. So he calls me immediately demanding how dare I talk to him ( like he was my dad or something) and asked me where I was cuz of the loud music playing in the background and I hung up. My Bf asked me what was going on and I finally came out and told him about my ex and about how he's been doing this since I moved so he asked me for my exes number so he could tell him to stop bothering me. While thats going on my ex is texting me that I was supposed to be with my roommates at their family ranch or whatever and me being dumb told him I was in Austin and he started berating me about whether or not my dad knew where I was and that I probably lied to my dad and roommates so I could be a hoe in Austin and then I said that it was non of his business and that I was with my Bf .... and he got even more mad. Then my Bf sent him a text asking him to leave me alone and if this doesn't stop then he would have to step in .... and for some reason my ex thought my Bf having a california area code number was my roommate. So my ex is basically spilling my roommate's personal life and talking trash about them to my bf ..... we just decided to stop replying and turn our phones off..... and I had a lot of explaining to do. So we tried to enjoying our like emergency vacation and eventually came back home and once I got home I explained to my roommates what happened and showed my roommates the texts from my Bf's phone and of course they were mad so my roommate called my ex and told him a bunch of stuff about how my ex needed to keep my roommate out of his mouth and that he had nothing to do with our break up and that he needed to delete my number and to leave me alone and my roommate is kinda intimidating ( he's a biker) and all I could hear on the other end was my ex crying his eyes out and that he was sorry and that he'll stop ..... which he did only for a few months. Fast forward a few more months I finally upgraded my phone changed my number and I had moved out and we moved into a house. This was around christmas and I went with my Bf to his Christmas party and my Bf gets this weird text from my ex saying that he wanted to talk to him. My Bf is confused by it cuz it was just random so we leave the party a little early to get ice cream and my ex calls and my Bf answers. So my ex sounded a bit upset and started talking to my Bf about how he misses me and that he better be taking good care of me and how bad he wanted me back and my Bf told him not to call/ text him anymore. That was the last time I heard from him until....... fast forward a year later my Bf didn't work out ( another bad relationship story) and I moved back in with my parents and for the first few months we had parties just about every weekend and this first one that I had finally a day off for. So I get home from work bought myself some drinks since I would be off the following day and I walk in and see a box of things that I had left at my exes apartment and one of the things in the box was a single shoe to a pair that I had already replaced and around the corner I see him ....... my ex was in the kitchen having a beer .... I tried to blow it off and I went to find my friend which was also my roommate and ask him about my ex being here..... and at the time apparently even after everything that had happen he stayed friends with my brother and my brother was the one who invited him over. So I was like okay I'll just ignore him but my ex tries to start conversation with me about how he brought my things back and my single shoe cuz he figured I would miss it and want to wear them again .... and I was like ...uuuhhh... well I've replaced them since then so I proceeded to throw the single shoe away in the trash can and took the box to my room and he tried to follow me inside which I asked him to go back to where everyone else is so he went back and I changed out of my uniform and went back out to get myself a beer and stepped outside with my roommate to smoke a cigarette and of course my ex follows and starts small talk between me and my roommate then my roommate leaves to the bathroom and its just me and my ex and so he starts talking about what he's been up too since the break up and I'm giving him very vague description about where I work and what bars I go to etc... Then he starts bringing up my most recent ex bf and comparing himself to be better than my recent ex that he was kind and never treated me badly and at this point I was buzzing after a few shots and beer and I blurted out that at least he didn't throw into a wall. I kid you not he got up so fast and into my face I don't think I had blinked yet. He starts yelling at me and asking why I kept telling people that story when I was the one cheating and on and so forth about being a whore again .... so he goes inside so calm and collected and decides to take my roommate to the gas station for a beer run. I'm too much enjoying myself to let this get to me so I go inside and start enjoying the music and just dancing with myself .... eventually they come back and my ex comes up to me and starts talking about how he likes how I move and how he never got to see this side of me and I reminded him that he didn't like me to drink and that set him off again and again he got in my face and started yelling at but this time in front of everyone ...... my parents my brother and sister in-law my roommate and a few friends my sister in-law had invited over..... everyone got quiet and the music stopped .... my ex was red in the face from yelling and my mom raised her voice and told him he needed leave and he was not welcomed here anymore and he left and never came back.... my brother cut ties with him and I haven't seen or heard from him since ......but while him and my roommate were gone apparently they were sitting in the car talking and my ex expressed that he wanted me back and that he still loves me and he was hoping to try to win me back that night and my roommate knew the whole story of our break up but he just didn't say anything to him......

I know this is a very long story but I haven't expressed this story to anyone other the people involved but I feel better being able to type this story out
submitted by inkis27 to BadRelationships [link] [comments]