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2020.09.04 16:57 welcometosouthapp Spying on sexy neighbor

Friday, September 4th, 2020
I can’t believe Winston’s making me do this on my birthday!
It was sunrise on Gigi’s 19th birthday. She dragged a gas-powered chainsaw across the North Campus quad. An hour earlier, Winston had woken Gigi up with a phone call. “Fetch my chainsaw from under the bed and meet me at the library.Click. Not even a “Happy birthday.”
So, she’d rolled out of bed in a white tank top and baby-blue yoga pants. Call it morbid curiosity. Only Winston could come up with such demands, after all.
Gigi was streaked in oil and sweat. She hobbled to the library entrance and let the hunk of metal fall to the ground. North Campus was a vast expanse of willow trees and solitude at sunrise. But something was very…off.
Suddenly, Winston popped out of the bushes and pointed a pistol at Gigi’s forehead. “You’re alone on campus on a day like today,” he rattled off. “Out of the blue, some hooligan hops out of the bushes and tells you to wring your pockets. But you’re wearing a sundress, so you don’t have any pockets. So instead, he-”
“YEET!” Gigi screamed, kicking Winston’s crotch. He crumbled to the ground, hitting a falsetto.
“Oh...shit! I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!”
“Shiiiet, it’s all right,” Winston moaned, rolling over on his back. Gigi’s frowning, pale face eclipsed the rising sun. “Happy birthday. It’s a Smith and Wesson Bodyguard. Too small for me. Be mindful of the trigger-pull and recoil. But I reckon it’s compact enough for your frou-frou jeans.”
“Oh! I...thank you! But why?” The warm gun fit in her small hand like a glove.
Winston stood up. “Hell, you’ve had my back since I got here. I reckon I oughta return the favor. I ain’t the brightest slice of pie in the knife drawer. But as long as you’re the brains, I may as well make due and be the brawn.”
I stole your other gun and our friends stole your fake IDs! is what Gigi wanted to say. “You...make me feel really safe, Winston!” is what she actually said, slipping the gun in her purse.
Winston lifted the chainsaw. “Welp, it’s time to cut some ties. We’ve got a rat in the frat. Some Alpha Beta Kappa brother pretendin’ to be one of us. See that tree down yonder? That’s their secret meet-up spot. And it’s gotta come down.”
ABK, or “All Big Kocks", started as a frat that met in an off-campus apartment. Then, Clyde (son of Dean Dale Crenshaw) took over. Overnight, the funding skyrocketed. This Honors Music Fraternity was BDE’s greatest rival. Live shows every Friday night, a 3.8 GPA entrance criteria, and co-ed. “Why go to any other frat parties?” Clyde would always argue. “When the women are already here?
“So, about this rat,” Gigi mused, following Winston to the tree. “You asked him nicely to leave?”
“Well, let’s just say he’s branded for life. Name was Taggart, and we actually rushed together. Poor bastard.”
The lumberjack revved the chainsaw. His large pecs and biceps bulged under his shirt as he put that smoking-hot metal to work. He’d easily replaced 20 pounds of fat with muscle. And as that hundreds-year-old tree crashed to the ground, Gigi reminded herself to stay on his good side.
“Let’s get the fuck out of here!” Winston yelled, taking off. “They’ll arrest you too! Hell, you’re the one with the filed-off serial number.”
“W-what?!” Gigi’s voice cracked as she sprinted past him.
“Fuckin’ with ya, Gigi.”
Gigi rode shotgun in Winston’s truck. She kicked off her flats and began massaging her sore feet.
“Um...I definitely stink,” Gigi laughed nervously, slipping her shoe back on. That was Winston’s cue to roll the window back up. She reached into her purse and pulled out the huge charcoal bath bomb that she stole from Sarah. “Dear Chadwick Hughes’ spirit: all I want for my birthday is a bath!”
“Hmm.” Winston drove past Firewater Hall toward Greek Row. “You’re a wanted woman,” he reminded her. “If we go to the house, you’re gonna have to sneak in. If Ryan finds ya, he’ll put your head on a pike.”
Ah, Gigi thought. Because we snuck in, punched him out, and blew up his father’s ashes. Seems...fair.
They pulled up to the BDE house and saw Ryan’s white BMW in the driveway. Winston shut off his Roush engine and instinctively pulled Gigi’s head into his lap, hiding her from plain view.
“Here’s the plan, birthday gal. I’ll go upstairs and grab a shower in the guest bathroom. I’ll save ya some hot water. Wait here, and I’ll text ya when everything’s ready.”
Winston slipped inside. Gigi lay across the passenger and driver’s seat. She thought about bailing and driving to Denny’s for free birthday pancakes. But Winston had the keys. And as her sweating, greased-up body melted in that god-awful hot truck, she decided that she really wanted that bath.
Gigi drifted off to sleep. In her dreams, she sat at a kitchen table in a massive Beverly Hills mansion. In front of Winston were a birthday cake and a huge gift bag. “Happy birthday, Winston!” she exclaimed. Winston reached into the bag and pulled out his lost Colt Single Action Army. “Ta-da! It’s your gun!” Then, he pulled out his lost BDE binder. “Ta-da! It’s your fake IDs!” Finally, he reached into the bag and pulled out a pair of yellow and white striped panties with a lacy bow. “Ta-da! It’s my virginity!
Gigi bolted awake to her phone vibrating. A text from Winston. Ready. Use the ladder. She sat up from her puddle of sweat and made her way around the side of the house.
At the top of the raggedy fire escape ladder, Gigi reached the second-story open window. Tea candles lined the shelf of an elegant clawfoot bathtub, filled to the brim with steaming water. Beside the tub was a shower caddy containing a bottle of merlot, a bag of chocolate-covered almonds, several high-end soaps and face masks, and a note.
To my partner in crime: I reckon we managed to evade the law quite a few times since we moved here. Truth is, ain’t no bathtubs in jail. Now, enjoy all this bougie shit that I found in Claire’s room. Happy birthday - Winston.
“He writes just like he speaks,” Gigi whispered, holding the letter to her chest.
Gigi stripped down to her underwear and neatly folded her clothes in a pile. On the floor was Winston’s t-shirt and blue jeans from earlier. I’m sure he’ll wear that again! She slipped off her yellow panties. After some thought, or no thought at all, she stuffed them into the back pocket of his jeans.
Gigi lowered herself into her first college bath. Even the water felt softer and silkier than in the dorm, whose water flowed from lead-flavored pipes. She picked her brain for every get-rich-quick scheme in the book, aspiring to live in such comfort full-time.
I could blackmail Sarah and Tai about that binder, she thought, submerging her head under water. Maybe I can convince them to give me a cut of their profits! So that a poor student like me can buy clothes that aren’t secondhand! But that would mean keeping the fake IDs a secret from Winston and betraying his trust...
Gigi shot up from the water, gasping for breath. She rubbed her eyes and slicked back her jet-black hair. Then, she unwrapped the bath bomb. It fizzled as a milky grey mist clouded her entire bath.
Winston, would you forgive me? Gigi lifted her hand out of the water and read her nearly-faded tattoo. And if I take a cut of their earnings, I’ll buy the cutest outfits to wear for you. I’m-
She lowered her tattooed hand into the cloudy water, where it disappeared between her legs.
“I’m ready for you, Winston.”
***
“Look at this swole son of a bitch!” greeted Brother Twinston, as Winston entered the cozy living room after his shower. They and eight other pledges dressed in white button-downs and tan slacks, adorned with a BDE pin on the collar.
Winston grabbed Twinston in a playful headlock. “I reckon ain’t nobody gonna be able to tell us apart now.”
“I reckon you’re right, stunt double!” Twinston agreed. This young man was a spitting image of Winston in looks and spirit. They had met at a frat party after taking whiskey shots and reaching for the pickle jar at the same time. Bromance at first sight.
“Enough faggotry,” Ryan commanded, walking up the podium by the fireplace. As the de-facto alpha of the room, his pomade-style hair stood taller than everyone else’s. Seven AM on Friday was BDE’s weekly meeting, and brothers were expressly forbidden from taking Friday classes. Because as soon as this was over, the weekend pre-gaming would commence.
“Now, Winston!” Ryan began. “Looks like your sausage fingers got some dirt under your nails. I trust the deed was done?”
“As motherfuckin’ Shakespeare said: the tree fell, nobody was around, and it still made a fuckin’ sound. I reckon ABK’s hideout is being hauled off by a truck as we speak.”
“You’ve never had a way with words,” Ryan pointed out. “But I gotta admit: you get shit done. Now, if another rat wants to show their face, I got no problem burning down their momma’s house. Next on the list. We gotta talk about two of our…ex-members. Claire and Connor. She packed up the rest of her shit and slipped out of here last night. I’ll be posting an application for Social Chair on our Facebook page.”
Last week, after Winston had caught Claire cheating on him with Frank, she had officially stepped down from BDE.
“Hell, let’s break tradition and make it a man, for Christ’s sake!” Twinston piped up. Despite only being a sophomore, he had clout among the senior brothers.
“I’ll consider it,” Ryan said, shrugging. “You know women: always afraid of commitment. Bitch didn’t even give a reason for leaving. Although I’m not gonna lie: I’m gonna miss those tits during strip poker.”
Two muscular black brothers gave each other a crisp high-five.
“Now, onto Connor. Not only did this beta bitch get a DUI, but he had our motherfucking coke on him.” Ryan tossed a bag of red-and-white cocaine on the coffee table. “Now what the fuck did we say about taking coke out of the house?”
“Don’t go to the buyers - let the buyers come to you,” the brothers responded in unison.
“Final topic of conversation,” Ryan announced, holding up a saloon-style wanted poster. “I’d like to announce that I've delivered swift, painful justice to the bastards who stole my father’s ashes.” On that poster were security camera photos of Frank, Tweed, and Chad - their faces X’d out. Next to their images were lo-res pics of Gigi and Sarah. “I’m increasing the bounty to 2500 bucks for whoever brings me the other two cunts.”
This bounty was news to Winston. Nobody knew he was even related to Sarah, or that Gigi was currently bathing upstairs. While the brothers salivated over the reward money, Ryan swiped a fire poker cast with BDE at the tip. “We took those three bastards out to the quad and branded them for life! Sent their bitch-asses packing. But as for these two dumb sluts...I think they were the masterminds of the whole goddamn plan. I say we tie ‘em down and apply directly to the forehead!”
“Yeah, man, fuck these ho’s,” Winston played along. “They did your daddy wrong. But real talk, I say we track ‘em down and exile them from the fuckin’ campus for life. Ain’t no use in getting thrown in jail for assault. Hell, that’s where those bitches belong.”
“Winston, I’m disappointed in you, chief,” Ryan said condescendingly, slamming the poker on the fireplace with a loud clank. He walked over to Winston and stood eye-to-eye with him. Dead silence. Finally, Ryan cracked a douchey grin.
“All right, all right,” Ryan chuckled. “I’ll go easy on ‘em...that is, if they drop to their knees and suck every last drop from us until they fucking drown!”
The brothers roared like animals, chanting Ryan’s name as he ripped open the bag of red-and-white cocaine. Winston forced a painful smile as the nausea set in. Ryan leaned over the coffee table and proceeded to snort his usual Friday-morning line.
“WHO’S GOT MOTHERFUCKING BIG DICKS?” Ryan screamed psychotically.
“WE DO!” the brothers yelled, banging their chests.
“AND ON MY DEAD DAD’S GRAVE! IF ANYBODY CROSSES BETA DELTA EPSILON, WE’LL DISEMBOWEL THEM AND SHIT DOWN THEIR THROATS!”
Ryan flipped over the glass coffee table, shattering it into pieces.
***
The massive South Campus quad was speckled with students playing ultimate frisbee, strumming guitars, and pretending to study. It was Tai’s happy place. Ever since Jacky turned him loose, he and Sarah had been practicing Krav Maga during sunset. A zen-like hobby that helped him clear his mind and shrink his erection.
Tai landed a shaky roundhouse kick as he spotted a young lady in the corner of his eye.
“I’ve got your rematch, Sarah,” Tai jeered, landing a sloppy jump-spinning crescent kick. But as he stuck the landing, he witnessed Gigi in a traditional kimono and a chopstick bun.
“I accept your challenge in Sarah’s stead!” Gigi cheered, bowing deeply.
“Wait...huh? Where’s Sarah?”
“Ah, in celebration of my 6,939th day on Planet Earth, she elected to maintain a record of meeting notes in my dreadful Comparative Literature enrichment!”
A blank stare from Tai as he slowly shifted into a guarding stance.
“I mean...it’s my fucking birthday, so she went to class for me!” She kicked off her flats and crouched into a grappling stance. “Now, will you hand over a third of your fake ID profits? Or will I have to spill the Bush’s Bourbon and Brown Sugar baked beans to Winston?”
“W-what?! Who told you?”
“Hmmm...twas but a whisper in the wind - a grape from the vine!” Gigi inched toward Tai, who cautiously backed up.
“Okay, look...don’t, um, don’t do anything drastic! We’re gonna pay it back to him, I promise. If you think about it, we’re just doing the work for him. It’s just that...well, it’s been a tough week so we can’t really afford to give you that kind of money!”
“As you wish. I’ll have to beat it out of you instead!”
Tai threw a lunging side kick. But the swift Gigi virtually teleported behind him. She jammed her thumbs into the tender spot below his ears.
“Fool, a petite fighter such as myself must play defensively,” Gigi bragged, regrouping. “I’ve been watching you. Looks like those kicks have thrown you off balance, Mister Flat Foot!”
“You can kiss that ID money goodbye,” Tai scoffed, rubbing his pressure points.
“That’s perfectly fine, grasshopper! I don’t intend to ask for it.”
Tai side-stepped and tried for a sweep kick. Gigi raised her leg over her head like a Chinese gymnast. He fell forward from his own momentum, but Gigi pressed her foot against his face to stop the fall. She wiggled her toes, then gave him a firm roundhouse to the side of the head. Tai fell back onto the grass. As he lost his breath, she wrapped her arms and legs around him from behind. A rear-naked chokehold that Sarah would've been damn proud of.
“Jaleo gada, jaleo gada, jaleo gada,” Gigi cooed in Korean, squeezing his windpipe. And “go to sleep” he did.
Ten minutes later, Tai sat up with a start, drenched in sweat. A ring of students surrounded him.
“Break it up, dudes and dudettes!” Sarah exclaimed, forcing her way through the crowd. The students dispersed as she helped the oblivious Tai to his feet.
“Oh...fuck,” Tai groaned. He fumbled for his minimalist metal wallet. Six-hundred dollars in cash was gone.
“You got robbed, my guy?” Sarah asked, kigh as a hite.
“That’s not even the half of it. This is bad. I have a lot to explain to you.”
Tai recapped his encounter with Gigi, while he and Sarah sipped lattes on the library’s top floor.
“Holy mother of balls,” Sarah whispered after Tai explained Gigi’s blackmailing.
“Look, maybe we come clean. Do you think you can talk to Winston?”
“Not a chance in Woodstock,” Sarah replied, frantically shaking her dreadlocks. “My brother’s all about loyalty first. He’d cut my hair while I was asleep and he’d circumcise you while you were awake.”
Tai instinctively covered his crotch as they stopped at a bulletin board. “So...we’re Gigi’s bitches," said Tai. "If we owe her a cut every time we make a sale, we’ve gotta find a better market.” On cue, he swiped a flyer from the bulletin board. TONIGHT: Alpha Beta Kappa proudly presents the Housewarming Masquerade. $10 cover. All students welcome.
***
The good ole’ southern twins stood on the wrap-around porch, whiskey in hand.
“Look, brother,” Twinston started, patting Winston’s back. “I’ve known Ryan for a year. I know he can get a little...impulsive with his words. But that don’t mean he’s impulsive with his actions. You’re worried about them two girls, aren’t ya?”
Winston was one text message away from telling Gigi and Sarah to flee campus. During last month’s frat party, he had never thought to question why Frank and Gigi had shown up in the first place. It never occurred to him that they were there to blow Ryan’s father’s legacy to smithereens.
Ryan stumbled out in a bright red bathrobe that matched his stuffy, red nose. “Shit, I almost forgot to ask ya, Winston,” he slurred. “I meant to collect your fake ID money for this week.”
Winston was so close to coming clean. Some jack-off stole the binder! he wanted to say. But the punishment for having lost it would be swift and fierce. So, he reached into his wallet and pulled out 600 bucks, straight from his own student loan account.
“Geez, tough week again, huh?” Ryan jeered, snatching the cash. “Where have you been trying to sell them?”
“Oh, you know...the regular beats,” Winston lied. “I reckon I ain’t gonna hit the library on weekdays no more.”
“The library?” Twinston repeated, bewildered. “Shit, what’s it like in there? Ain’t never been.”
“Not your brightest moment, I’m not gonna lie,” Ryan chuckled at Winston. “But, at least you learned your lesson for next week.” Winston nodded, taking it on the chin. If he had to make another withdraw, there wouldn’t be a “next week.” Winston had to find that ID thief.
“Whoa, what the hell?” Twinston pointed at a fleet of U-Haul vans, led by a 2021 silver BMW. They watched as the vehicles pulled into the driveway of the empty frat house next door.
“Holy fucking shit,” Ryan gasped. “It’s motherfucking Alpha Beta Kappa.”
The bald driver opened the butterfly doors. Thick marijuana smoke trickled out of the car. The passenger doors sprang up, and out hopped a freckle-faced redhead with a pornstar body. She brought a wheelchair over to the driver’s side and helped the bald guy into the seat. Then, she marveled at the huge mansion and jumped up and down in her stilettos, her huge breasts bouncing in her tight corset. She rushed into the new house, pausing to give Winston a quick glance before she entered.
Another redhead, huh? Winston thought. My favorite flavor.
The bald guy rolled over to the BDE house in his wheelchair, a present in his lap. His large biceps and tattoos were on full display in his worn Guns N’ Roses sleeveless tee. His jeans were bleached and destroyed and his black Converse were spotless.
“What’s up, neighbors?” the paraplegic spoke in a loud, baritone voice. He handed the present to Ryan. “I’m Clyde, President of Alpha Beta Kappa. Looks like we’re gonna be seeing a whole lot of each other.”
“Uh...yeah, my name’s Ryan.” He extended a hand while using the other to dab his bloody nose. “So...I thought Tri-Delt leased the house next door.”
“I assume you know sororities almost as well as I do. Truth is: women are too damn afraid of commitment. You gonna open that present or what?”
Ryan slipped off the bow and tore the wrapping paper. It was a penis pump.
“Now, let me lay down some ground rules for you and your twins,” Clyde continued, straightening his posture in the chair. “There’s only room for one big dick on Greek Row. Now you may think you have a big dick. But there’s a gang of nine-inch fresh-cut cocks in town.”
Clyde whistled with his fingers. The U-Haul truck doors rolled up. And out came a cavalry of ABK brothers, hauling furniture toward the house as they chanted “All Big Kocks!” Like pallbearers, they each grabbed a corner of expensive sofas, desks, and beds. Posing on top of each piece of furniture was a topless ABK sister. The brothers escorted them like royalty into the soon-to-be furnished mansion.
Clyde unfolded a flyer from his back pocket and handed it to Ryan. “Bring your asses tonight. There are plenty more tits where those came from.” It was an invitation to the ABK Housewarming Masquerade. Clyde swiveled around and rolled back on over to his new house. “By the way!” Clyde called out. “I don’t condone Taggart for spying on y’all like he did! I don’t care who you work for: a rat is a rat!”
“That’s bullshit,” Ryan whispered. He knew good and well that Taggart’s spying was planned and coordinated by Clyde himself. “If they’re gonna spy on us, we’re gonna do the same fuckin’ thing to them.”
“Sit back and relax,” Winston finally broke his silence, standing tall next to his doppelganger. “My twin and I will crash this party and dig up as much dirt as possible.”
“And he and I are the only two who can be in two places at once,” Twinston added.
“Then we infiltrate tonight!” Ryan announced. “Because gentlemen, Greek Row is a pair of tight spandex trunks. And there’s only room for one big dick.”
***
Watching Tai work was amazing.
At the ABK Masquerade, the masked Sarah sat at the bar in the massive concert venue. Clyde’s 90’s cover band was onstage. Like clockwork, the masked Tai would sniff out gay clientele, grab a fake ID from the binder, approach him, make out with him on the dance floor, and come back with a fistful of dollars.
“I’m averaging one sale per song,” Tai panted, wiping somebody’s lipstick from his mouth. “Here, hit me with another ID!”
“You do know this is borderline prostitution, my dude?”
“I...yes.”
Prostitution or not, they racked up a thousand bucks in the first hour. And with Gigi taking a cut of their sales, they were going to need that extra money to keep this operation afloat.
“Take a break, will ya?” Sarah suggested, patting the barstool next to her.
The freckle-faced redhead from Clyde’s BMW was bartending. She wore bright blue fairy wings, a lacy corset, and a glittery half-mask. “Two lemon drops, my loves,” she cooed in a Scottish accent, setting the drinks on the bar. “Aw, I love how comfy you two look!”
Tai and Sarah were dressed down in South App hoodies and yoga pants: items that every female or gay student owned. The goal was to not stand out while selling fake IDs. And yet, they had failed to wear masks.
“I prefer to dress like I do around the house,” the fairy said with a smile, fluttering off to help the next patron.
Outside, Winston and Twinston - the twin spies - walked up the ABK steps in matching button-downs, slacks, and white opera masks. They psyched each other up. The “Who’s got big dicks? We’ve got big dicks!” standard affair. Suddenly, a pack of drunk girls stormed out the front door and spilled an entire glass of cranberry vodka on Winston’s khakis. “Suck it up, buttercup!” she slurred, stumbling off with her posse. Co-ed fraternity girls were a different breed.
“Shit,” Winston muttered, looking down at the mess.
“Better go change, brother,” Twinston suggested. “I’mma gather some intel until you get back.”
Winston retreated to the BDE house while Twinston entered the party alone. He stood at the entrance, absorbing the nostalgia of the 90’s rock set. Permanently-seated Clyde was on drums. A crowd of groupies sang along up front while everyone else gathered on the dance floor.
“Jack and Coke,” Twinston told the fairy bartender. “If you have time.”
From the dance floor, Tai and Sarah were casually mingling and making fake ID sales. They were also people-watching. “It’s fucking uncanny,” Tai began, pointing at Twinston from afar.
“I’m telling you, that’s not Winston,” Sarah argued. “If you want proof, ask him to drop his pants. My brother has a birthmark on his upper-left ass cheek.”
“W-what?!”
“That dude could fool almost anyone though. But a sister always knows.”
Suddenly, all eyes shot toward the front door. In walked a young South Korean student in a baby-blue evening dress. Trailing behind her was a long, ornate satin train. The side-splitting fabric exposed her white-laced garter belt that ran from her thighs to her matching open-toed high heels. Instantly, she won the room.
Clyde hit the final snare, ending his Jane’s Addiction cover. “Well, don’t just stand there, princess!” Clyde called out to the woman, beckoning her onstage with a drumstick. “Come on up and introduce yourself.”
Princess Gigi obliged, but not before giving Tai and Sarah a passing glance. “I hope you’re on your A-game with those sales,” she whispered with a devious grin. “Because I need money for a red dress just like this one!”
Sarah tugged on Tai’s sleeve. “Let’s get the fuck out of here!” she hissed. “Hey...uh bartender?”
“I’m Miri,” the Scottish redhead responded. “But I bid you call me Miri.”
“Miri, care to point us to the back door?”
Tai and Sarah slipped through the kitchen and out the back door. Miri kept pouring for thirsty patrons, all while eyeing this Korean bombshell on stage.
“Um...hi, everyone!” Gigi greeted, while the seated Clyde held the microphone to her mouth. “It’s my birthday today, and...I’m sober! Who wants to help me change that?”
Every man on the dance floor cheered like Quentin Tarantino with a glass slipper. Their girlfriends gave Gigi dirty looks, holding their men close. Clyde leaned into her ear. “Don’t let me catch you paying for a single drop tonight.” He turned around and rolled back to the drum set. He clicked his sticks and began a Chili Peppers cover. The party was back underway.
“Another Jack and Coke,” Twinston requested from Miri. “Make it a double-shot.” From the bar, he’d watched the entire spectacle. Now, Gigi was walking over to him.
“Please read,” Gigi said, plopping down next to Twinston. She slipped the thin fabric of her dress to the side, exposing a pale white thigh. Then, she reached under her garter belt for a letter. She slid it across the bar, showing off her baby-blue painted nails. Twinston peeled off the heart-shaped sticker and unfolded the letter. Written in cursive was the most kinky, depraved to-do list of sex acts he had ever seen. At the bottom was a signed statement: For my birthday I, Ji-hye “Gigi” Moon, hereby sign my virginity over to Winston Arnold Beavers.
Clearly, Gigi had the wrong man.
As soon as Miri returned with Twinston's drink, Gigi swiped it. She sipped her first taste of whiskey through a straw, her bedroom eyes growing wider and wider. She slammed the glass of ice on the bar. Then, she leaned into Twinston’s ear and passed an ice cube from her mouth to his.
“Hey, uh...bartender?” Twinston stammered, as Gigi ran her tongue across his fuzzy beard.
“Back door’s through the kitchen,” Miri laughed in a Scottish accent as she watched the flirtatious pair.
Twinston grabbed Gigi’s hand and jetted out of there. If Winston caught them, he’d impale them with his chainsaw and cut the engine on. So they cut across the back yard and entered Twinston’s first-floor bedroom through the window. She immediately slipped out of her dress, leaving on nothing but the heels and garter belt. And as the masked girl spread her legs, Twinston kept telling himself that this was consensual.
***
Winston entered the ABK house in a filthy pair of blue jeans from that morning. The crowd waved their lighters while Clyde’s band played Semisonic’s “Closing Time.” Seeing as it was last call, Winston made a bee-line for the bar. “I’ll have a Jack and Coke, Miss,” Winston said to Miri, tipping his hat. “If you have time.”
Miri cocked her head, her wings and eyebrows twitching. “Wait...what’s going on?” she asked, taken aback by Winston’s twin from five minutes earlier.
“Alcoholism, that’s what,” Winston chuckled. “Why, I reckon you’ve just seen a ghost. Wanna have a drink with me to calm the spirits?” He was here to gain ABK intel. But her freckled face, wavy red hair, and Scottish accent were definitely a bonus.
“Apparently so!” Miri laughed, her breasts bouncing up and down in that tight corset. “Tell you what: I’ll toast with ya.”
Miri poured Winston’s Jack and Coke and the umpteenth cranberry vodka of the night. But like the mystical fairy creature she was, she garnished her drink with a handful of blueberries, a splash of lemon juice, and a basil leaf.
“Seventy-nine,” Winston randomly said as they clinked glasses across the bar.
“Hmmm?”
“Seventy-nine. I reckon that’s how many freckles you have on your face.”
“Ah...well, let’s see. I've never counted before. But on my whole body? Well...we’re definitely in quadruple digits.” Miri leaned in close, the scent of gin and spearmint on her breath. “If you want to take me to my room and count them, I can do 150 an hour. That is, if you’re a fast counter.”
Winston chuckled, then slipped something into her henna-tattooed hand. “I mighty appreciate it. But I’d rather ya tell me a little bit about this place. Thinkin’ about pledging.” A lie, of course.
Without missing a beat, Miri slapped a bag of blue-and-white cocaine on the bar. “Tell ya what: you try ours and I’ll try yours.” Right in front of everyone, she opened the bag of red-and-what cocaine and split it into lines.
Winston’s jaw dropped. It was all coming together in his slow-churning mind. Taggart and ABK had been gathering intel to corner the entire fucking college cocaine market. While Miri dropped her head to do a line, Winston slipped his rival’s cocaine into his pocket. All right, I’ve got what I came for. No thanks to Twinston. Time to report back to Ryan.
“Yo, the concert’s over but the night has just fucking begun!” Clyde announced on the mic. “Ladies only: get your asses to the center of the dance floor. You know what time it is!”
Miri’s head shot up from her third line of cocaine. She released an orgasmic Scottish moan. Then, this mystical fairy pranced into the center of the room, spun on her heel, and gave a curtsey in her outfit.
What the hell is going on? Winston thought, sipping his whiskey. He reached into his back pocket for a napkin and felt something else instead. Slowly, he held Gigi’s lacy yellow panties in front of his face. Miri, how the hell did you put this in my pocket without me noticing? Hell, I reckon this bitch is a fairy after all.
“DJ, hit the music!” Clyde commanded. Fergie’s “London Bridge” blared through the speakers and rang across Greek Row. The tipsy Miri swayed her hips to the violent bass beat, shedding her wings. Applause erupted from the crowd.
“Now just what are we to do about this corset?” Miri cooed, puckering her lower lip.
“Take it off!” the brothers chanted. And she did. Winston instantly realized that her “1000-freckles” estimate was correct.
“Lose that skirt!” the crowd commanded.
Winston nervously tapped his foot. Not because he was afraid of seeing a naked woman. That road was heavily-traveled and full of potholes. But Miri was drunk, and nobody was doing a damn thing about it. She hooked her thumbs beneath her pink-and-blue skirt and pulled it down to her ankles. No underwear, and a hundred more freckles on Winston’s scoreboard.
“Make yourself decent, moron!” Winston called out, sling-shotting the yellow panties across the room to Miri. She reached up and caught them, red-eyed high and shit-faced drunk. “These…these aren’t mine. But they sure are cute!”
What?! Who the fuck do they belong to then? And why the fuck were they in my pocket?!
Regardless, Miri slipped into the tight panties. She gave a polite curtsy and fluttered away through the kitchen and out the back door.
“Yo, what the fuck man?” Clyde raged as he watched the action from his wheelchair. “You fuckin’ scared her off! DJ, cut the music!”
Fergie stopped singing and all eyes fell on Winston. He took a deep breath and boldly stepped into the center of the dance floor. “She was fucking wasted, partner. Are y’all really gonna make her do all that?”
“It doesn’t fucking matter,” Clyde seethed. “It’s Friday: we drink, and Miri strips. She’s a whore. And that’s what whores do. Who the fuck do you think you are anyway? S-s-somebody take off his mask!”
But Winston removed his own mask and tossed it on the floor. There he was: invading ABK just as the phony Mississippian Taggart had invaded BDE.
“Leave it to a Beta to look for pussy at an Alpha’s party!” Clyde jeered over the mic. “Can you all believe this white-knight faggot tried to stand up for a fuckin’ whore?”
Winston couldn’t resist a comeback. It was too easy. “At least I can actually stand, you fucking cretin.”
Every single hand covered a gasping mouth. Winston turned and walked into the kitchen, building up to a sprint out the back door. Rabid yells from behind as he cut across BDE’s back yard, dashing past rows of trees and street lights to the end of Greek Row. At the dimly-lit street sign, he collapsed into the grass.
Winston, ya done fucked up now.
“Yo, you okay, bro?” somebody called out.
Winston looked up and saw two douchey frat boys carrying acoustic guitars. Before he could get up, one of them had already hoisted him to his feet. He winced as he put pressure on a sprained ankle.
“You had way too much, my man!” Guitar Guy 1 said. “And it’s not even nine yet. Gotta pace yourself!”
“Yeah, man,” agreed Guitar Guy 2, brushing grass off Winston’s shoulder. “Hey, why don’t you come with us to Alpha Beta Kappa’s party? I hear our president’s band is fuckin’ killing it tonight.”
Winston felt his soul leave his body. Suddenly, Guitar Guy 1’s phone rang.
“Hello?” Guitar Guy 1 answered his phone. “Hey, what’s up, Clyde. Yeah, yeah, we’re almost there. We’ve got our guitars and...huh? Oh shit, you talking ‘bout the guy dressed like a cowboy? Yeah, man, he’s right here. Drunk as fuck, I’ll tell ya h’what. Wait, what? He said what to you? No, fuck that. FUCK. THAT! Yeah, man, we’re gonna take care of him right the fuck now!”
Winston slowly backed up to the street sign, a hot pain searing through his ankle. Running was out of the question.
“You so much as move, we aim for the head,” said Guitar Guy 2, shouldering his weapon.
Winston placed his back to the street sign and sank to a seated position. He looked up at the fretted assailants. Not with fear, but with acceptance. “I know all about your frat’s cocaine operation. And all I gotta say: I’m gonna run it into the motherfuckin’ ground.”
Guitar Guy 1 went for a cross slice, cracking the guitar against Winston’s head. He bled before he hit the grass in a fetal position. His body convulsed in a seizure.
“Yo, no face shots!” Guitar Guy 2 screamed, kicking Winston in the ribs to vent his frustration. He brought his ax above his head and hammered down on his gut. Winston released the death cry of a wounded gazelle. But instead of delivering that final blow, the Guitar Guys looked at one another and nodded. Then, they dropped their pastel board shorts and proceeded to piss on Winston’s wounds from head to toe.
“Look at the sign and tell me what the fuck it says, cuck!” Guitar Guy 1 yelled, stomping his face with his boat shoes one last time. They zipped up their shorts and ran off. A groaning Winston wiped his bloody, sopping-wet face and looked up at the sign. Crenshaw Ave. Just like his father’s legacy, Clyde was here to stay.
Winston blacked out.
***
It wasn’t rape. It was my choice. It wasn’t rape. It was my choice. It. Was. My choice.
Gigi stared at her reflection in the dorm room mirror. Tears and mascara flowed down her face, streaking her cleavage and her wrinkled gown. With fumbling hands, she unwrapped a Plan B Morning-After Pill and slipped it between her dry, chapped lips. She cupped some water into her hand and swallowed, gripping the edges of the sink as she looked back at the defiled girl in the mirror. Hours earlier, she had been pure. Now, she stank of sweat, Walmart-brand musk, and a stranger’s bodily fluids. It was only when Twinston had taken off his mask that she’d realized she had made love to a man she did not know.
Only minutes to midnight. Soon, the wrinkled evening gown would disappear, and Gigi would be reduced to dirty rags and cloths. “This...this is certainly the kind of dress I would want to die in,” she told her reflection, forcing a smile as she permitted tears to flow freely.
A fall from the seventh story would surely kill Gigi. She envisioned her mangled corpse on the gnarled roots below. Then, she feverishly latched onto something to keep her alive for one more day.
Froyo! Tomorrow was the grand opening of the local frozen yogurt joint. I’ll get to choose my favorite sugary toppings to pile on my watermelon sorbet. But tonight, I didn't choose to have sex with that man. It was not. My. Fault.
Gigi’s phone rang. It was Sarah. “Gigi, get your ass down to the third floor - quick!
Gigi flew down the stairs, tripping over a few drunk students in the process. She stood in the doorway of Room 309, where a bloodied cowboy lay his head in Sarah’s lap. Tai sat on the futon, handing Sarah gauze and rubbing alcohol from the first aid kit.
“Gigi,” Winston mumbled. He lifted his head, then set it back down as he erupted into a coughing fit. “You look...great. Not as sexy as my sister though. But I’m from the South, so it’s family first. Roll tide...”
Sarah and Gigi smiled weakly, seeing how Winston was slowly returning back to normal. But Gigi’s smile turned to shock as she got a closer look at his face. One eye was swollen shut and bleeding from the corner. A large knot on his head oozed pus, even as Sarah frequently dabbed it with a tissue. His twitching body hinted at the lacerations and bruises beneath his bloody t-shirt. And through Winston’s smile, he was missing a bottom tooth.
“Everybody fucking leave!” Gigi exploded, dropping to her knees and laying her head on Winston’s chest. He winced at first, but slowed his breathing as she held his hand. She sobbed her eyes out, soaking Winston’s shirt and beard.
“Gigi, look,” Tai said, placing a hand on her shoulder. “Winston needs all of us right now. Not just-”
Gigi fetched the 22-caliber pistol from her purse and slammed it on the tile floor. “I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT! OUT, OUT, OUT!”
Winston’s heart raced as Gigi squeezed his hand with all her might. “It’s all my fault,” she whispered, as if they were already alone. “If only I let you keep your gun, you could have defended yourself.”
“Buddy, that just ain’t plum-fuckin’ true. Ain’t nobody’s fault but mine. I talked shit and got hit.”
Sarah and Tai quietly slipped out the door, most likely to count their fake ID earnings.
Gigi positioned Winston’s head on her lap and ran her small hands through his messy brown hair. “This ain’t the first time you caught me covered in piss. Reckon it won’t be the last.”
Gigi giggled. “I’ll...I’ll be here all night to protect you.” She clutched the gun with one hand and ran her fingers through his hair with the other. “And we can wash your hair in the morning.”
“Thanks, buddy. I reckon I done gots me a few enemies now. So...ya ain’t gonna let the piss fairies sneak in and give me a golden shower...are ya?”
“I...I won’t let you down!” Gigi laughed, gripping the gun. “And if the pee bandits come around here, I’ll politely escort their hind keisters a third-of-a-dozen floors north, where their skin shall bubble under the 100 Kelvin internal temperature of our antiquated heating and cooling apparatus!”
“Shit,” Winston moaned, closing his eyes and drifting off to sleep. “If they don’t fix your AC sooner or later...you may have to move down here and live with me.”
While Winston rested, Gigi stood watch all night. She forgot all about what Twinston had done to her. Misery loved company. And while Gigi never wished for anything bad to happen to Winston, his timing couldn’t have been better.
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https://preview.redd.it/nr9f9lkhedk51.jpg?width=259&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3ac804f22eec98f4b2b3dc02012eface4899145e
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2020.08.29 11:32 snickeringhaystack Spying on sexy neighbor

This is an update to a story I posted on a forum like this about 4 years ago. In fact, what happened was a direct result of me posting it. I’ve since taken it down, but I need to share what happened to me. God…
Don’t worry about that first story; you’ll find that out as I tell this one.
Let’s get started.
So, a little about myself: I’m 41 years old and currently working as a salesman at a retail outlet that specializes in men’s business suits. The job makes pretty good money but with alimony to my ex-wife and child support on top of that, I seem to just barely get by. I had just finished going through the horror of divorce 6 months before this last incident happened. I had started drinking again. Drinking, and looking longingly at sleeping pill bottles and razor blades. I know what you’re thinking but I’ve always been too much of a coward for that sort of thing. Though I will admit it’s always seemed tempting, especially after losing everything like I did.
Anyway, as you can imagine, I was feeling pretty low for a few weeks, so I was quite pleasantly surprised when this elegant, beautiful woman, about my age, came into the store and began to show me some interest.
She was tall and slim, wearing a charcoal jacket and skirt combo, her hair discretely dyed bronze amber, and had a very unassuming smile, not too blemished by laugh lines or crow’s feet. I admit I’d noticed her before she approached me; I spotted her the moment she entered through the door. She seemed kind of familiar, but I wasn’t going to tell her that. That’s got be the most obvious non-pickup pickup line in the world, telling a strange woman she looks familiar.
Anyway, she walked up to me with this coy smile, just showing a glimpse of perfect white teeth and said, “You probably think I’m in the wrong store.”
I gave a little giggle, cleared my throat and said, “I’m sorry?”
“This is a men’s clothing store, obviously,” she elaborated. Her eyes were deep brown – almost black – and they were lively and active, looking up into mine.
“Well ma’am,” I said. “We do have some pant suits and some jackets for ladies if you’d like me to show you.”
“Ma’am?” she remarked playfully. “Do I really look that old to you?”
I chuckled nervously, breaking eye contact with her and clearing my throat again. God, I must have seemed like a schoolboy for Christ’s sake! I then told her not at all, that she didn’t look old but that I just wanted to be respectful. Her smile widened, her long purple fingernails fidgeting with her purse strap.
“Well,” she said in a soft, heavy voice. “I’m actually here to find a suit for my son. He wants a tuxedo for prom.”
I furrowed my brow. This was the dead of winter. Proms aren’t usually held until June or late May at the earliest.
“I know,” she said, reading my look. “His school is impossible; they want to hold it early so that the students don’t get too distracted from their studies. My son’s also too busy playing his computer games to go get a suit himself and too embarrassed to come with me so, here I am.”
I couldn’t help but grin eagerly. Just my luck, I thought.
I showed her some of our more popular items. She told me her son’s size and together we found something she thought he’d like. The whole time she sided close to me and I could smell her floral perfume. It was soothing and, I’ll admit, I didn’t make any attempt to distance myself from her.
As I was ringing her up at the cash till, I told her that if anything didn’t quite fit, she could bring it back in and we’d happily have it adjusted to fit her son’s measurements. She gave a low, almost inaudible laugh and told me that I probably didn’t have to worry about that.
There were no other customers in the store then and the other cashier was on break, so we continued to chat. She asked me what I did in my spare time for fun and I hesitated, thinking of the rows of empty liquor bottles in my apartment and the sleeping pills next to the bathtub. Instead of answering her I jumped at the opportunity and asked her if she’d like to get a drink later that evening. She said nothing but tilted her head and scanned me with her sexy, roaming eyes.
“When do you get off work?” she muttered softly.
“At seven,” the words leapt from my mouth. “If that’s not too late for you.”
“No,” she said, her pearly grin flashing at me over supple red lips. “That’s perfect. I know a bar around this area. I’ll be out front to pick you up.”
“Great,” I said. “What’s your name again?”
“Andrea.”
“Andrea,” I repeated, extending my hand. “I’m Andy, nice to meet you.”
“Naturally.”
That seemed to put my nagging feeling of Déjà vu to rest; I had never known an Andrea – or met any Andreas for that matter. But the name was fitting, and I rolled each syllable over and over across my tongue, waiting for the hours of my shift and wilt away.
By 6:30 we were locking up. Jane, the girl working there, was balancing the cash register while I wrote the day’s records in the books. As I wrote down the total debits and credits I could barely hold onto the pencil, I was so jittery. I know how pathetic this must sound but it had been a while since I had been with a woman in any way and, being older and just divorced, it was hard to build up the confidence to start dating again.
By 7:00 it was dark out. Jane walked out and waved goodbye as I locked up the front door. At the curb in front of the sidewalk was a small blue station wagon, not very fancy but I wasn’t going to complain. I looked through the passenger side window and saw Andrea peering out at me, her hooded eyes meeting mine, that slight smile drawn across her face.
I got in and immediately noticed how cold it was. There didn’t seem to be any heating at all, and the radio wasn’t even on. Strange, I thought. But maybe she lives close by.
As she navigated out of the plaza and onto the road, I prattled on about the suit I had sold her and how most customers said they were really happy with it. She didn’t respond and wasn’t smiling anymore. I didn’t think too deep into it though. After all, she was driving. It’s important to keep concentration. The only thing that struck me as odd was that she had placed her purse on her lap while she was driving.
Since I had had to sell my car after the divorce, I was very pleased to not have to ride the subway or bus, so I just eased back in my seat and enjoyed. I think that’s the reason that I didn’t notice that we had been on the road a long time despite her telling me this bar was close by.
I knew something was up after she’d got onto a highway interchange.
I looked at her very confused. “Did you say this bar was out of town?” I asked.
She didn’t reply. Her eyes were glued to the road as we cruised up the ramp and onto the interstate. By now I was really getting nervous. I noticed she took her left hand from the steering wheel and began reaching inside her purse.
“You really don’t remember me?” she said, her voice just louder than the car engine.
I giggled a bit, but I didn’t find this funny at all.
“I-I don’t know,” I stammered, looking at her. “You do look familiar but – I know I’ve never met an Andrea before.”
I looked down at her lap – into her now opened purse – and felt my heart freeze in my chest: inside, the taped handle held in her delicate fingers, was a snub-nosed revolver. I squirmed in my seat, as if I was going to fly out from the window, the seatbelt digging into my neck.
“What…what the hell are you doing?” I shouted between panted breaths. The gun was now out and pointed at me.
“You probably don’t know any Andrea,” she said coldly, her voice empty – vacant. “But you might remember Alicia. Alicia Moretto.”
Probably from the panic I felt staring down the barrel of that gun, the name didn’t ring any bells. She then looked at me, those bedroom eyes now burning like hot coals.
she told me to open the glove box.
“Open the glove box,” she muttered in a staid voice.
“What?” I asked.
“Open the glove box!” she screamed. I shuttered from the sharp change in her voice.
I did as I was told. Gingerly, I stretched my shaking hand and pushed the lock button. The compartment door fell open and out spilled what had to be hundreds of pages of paper. They were all lying at my feet.
She peered down in a quick glance and instructed me to read the stapled pages printed on red paper. I picked them up and immediately recognized what it was: my post of my stalker story to an Internet forum for true horror stories. I then figured out who she was: Alicia Moretto, the mentally disturbed girl who had stalked me at my workplace and at my home years ago when I was in my late teens.
I pleaded with her and she just hollered at me to read it, her eyes back on the road but the revolver still trained on me. I did as she said. It was all there, my words: how she had come into the coffee shop where I worked, how her hair was constantly tangled and greasy, how her clothes were always in tatters, how she always smelled of BO and Vaseline. It was all there; how she had come in every morning, how she knew my schedule and when my shift was. How my coworkers had told me that she would sometimes come in on my days off and ask where I was. How one night I had found her waiting for me in my house.
I tried to swallow but I couldn’t. I was trembling and the printed-out pages fell from my weak hands involuntarily. She peered over at me – I could see her from the corner of my eyes – and told me to pick up the next set of papers – the one printed on grey pages. I begged her again to just let me go and she screamed for me to read it.
I picked them up, not recognizing any of the writing on it. Then I realized that these were comments people had written on my post of the story. Comments like, What a crazy bitch or I would have been so freaked by that cow or I’d have still hit it lol. Tears had started streaming down my face by the time I’d realized what this was. She had found my story, recognized it, and had come for me.
“Please,” I said to her, choked up having read all the comments and realized her purpose. “I didn’t know it would upset you this much. I – I never used your real name.”
“Do you think that matters?” her voice cracked. It was like an animal’s growl, all the prior sophistication and sensuality gone. “I knew. I knew that story was about me – about a time in my life I was ashamed of…” She trailed off. It sounded as though she had begun to sob. I looked at her and her mouth was hung open, as if in a silent scream, her eyes squinting closed. Yes, she too was crying.
After a terrifying moment she gave a cough, tossed back her hair and was once again icily composed. I looked close and could just see smudges of mascara under her eyes. She then told me to reach inside her purse. I of course wasn’t about to do that.
“I won’t shoot you if you do exactly as I say,” she then said in a calm but uneven voice. The voice smacked of the psychotic desperation of the girl who had stalked me those many years ago.
I nodded my head slightly then quickly turned to glance out the window. It was now very dark and there were few other cars on the road.
Careful not to brush up against the gun, I reached over and put my hand in her purse. Inside I found what felt like a set of Polaroids. My skin waxed cold, imagining that these were probably photos of me she had taken without my knowledge.
I pulled them out and looked at them. They weren’t pictures of me at all. The first photograph was of a couple standing outside a wedding chapel, the woman smiling radiantly in a white lace gown, the handsome mustachioed man next to her wearing a black tuxedo and cummerbund. They were close and holding each other’s hands. I flipped through to the next photo to see the same couple kissing with their eyes closed, a sun setting above a glimmering ocean behind them. I flipped through and in the next photograph I saw the woman lying in a hospital bed, covered by dark green surgical sheets holding a newborn baby. The child was wrapped in a blanket, the husband standing beside them, smiling. I flipped through and saw a photo of the couple with two pre-teen children, sitting on a beach wearing jean shorts and bright colored shirts, smiling up into the camera’s POV. I then realized these photos were of her, the woman named Alicia. She had a family. Or had had a family. But…what did this have to do with my story?
“I…I don’t understand,” I mumbled. She shot me a look out the corner of her eye and didn’t say anything. I looked out the window and saw there were no lights on the side of the road. Past the barrier there was nothing but tall trees and bleak wilderness. We were now far, far from any major city or town. I thought about reaching in my coat for my phone but knew that if I did, she might have shot me. Then I started wondering why she didn’t just kill me already if that was what she intended to do.
The minutes felt like hours in that car. The darkness beyond the roadside seemed to stretch for an eternity like I had woken up in hell. Finally, after God knows how long, she spoke.
“It took me ten years,” she said, her voice straining, quavering like that demented girl I remembered. “It took me three years to get over you. And another seven to forgive myself. I went to counseling, therapy. Eventually I agreed to take the medication. You see – I suffer from paranoid schizophrenia. It sort of runs in my family but it didn’t appear in me until about five months before I met you. My parents had gotten a divorce. Doctor Walton told me that’s what likely triggered my breakdown. Then, when I saw you, it was like you were there for me. My psychiatrist says I was using you as a misplaced source of love – love and security, which I felt had been torn away from me by my parent’s divorce. You were always there and always so polite, so I mistook your politeness and charm for love and affection.”
At that moment, I don’t know why but I didn’t feel scared anymore. I just felt gloomy, depressed. We often call people crazy but when we actually hear the medical terms it becomes a lot less distant.
She continued, “So for ten years after you, I avoided people. I didn’t see friends. I barely spoke to my parents and I absolutely never went out on dates. First, because I was still in love with you. And then because I was so ashamed. Ashamed and afraid I would become that super attached psychopath that I had been with you. I wanted so many times to contact you and to apologize but my counselor and Doctor Walton were adamant that that would be a bad idea. They said it would cause me to relapse.
“So, for ten years I was alone, hating myself. Then I met David. David was a graduate student in university studying Physical Geography. He had approached me first. We met at a bar, or restaurant actually. My parents had insisted on taking me out for my birthday and he’d asked the waiter to put our bill on his tab.” She then gave a sorrowful laugh, a tear falling down her cheek. “He barely had enough money to pay for his beer and he wanted to pay for a whole family’s meal just to speak with me.
“We started out just as friends and then with his insistence we became more than that. I loved him and felt so much better. I finally felt well enough to go back to school and complete my degree. We got married shortly after he graduated. He’d been hired on at a consulting firm, so we were mostly stable. I finally forgave myself and forgot all about you. But I never told him. Never.
“A year into our marriage we had Aaron and two years later Cassandra. We were both so happy. I was happy. I got a job as a typist at a Law Firm. It wasn’t much but it gave me something to do after the children were old enough to go to school. I liked working there; everyone was so friendly and helpful.
“One day, Mark, one of the support staff members in Facilities was showing me this website he often goes to, mostly to look up funny pictures. He told me about this page that has scary stories and creepy encounters and I immediately recognized what most of the stories were about. I searched all the posts and it didn’t take me long to find one that was familiar. Too familiar. I knew that it was you who posted it.”
She then stopped and let out a heavy sigh, her moist eyes rolling up and looking long at the car roof. It was as though she could not believe she was telling me this. Her voice had stopped sounding like a nervous psychotic and more like that of a sobbing, distraught woman. The gloom lingered thick inside the car – over both of us.
“After that my paranoia and anxiety spiked,” she continued. “I tried to fight it by upping the dose of my medication but that didn’t work. Pretty soon I just stopped since they only seemed to make me drowsy.” She then gave another humorless little laugh as though she’d caught herself in a lie. “You know, I thought it was because David had seen the post that he left me and why I couldn’t get even joint custody of the children but that’s not true. The truth is, seeing your post made me act erratic. I started throwing fits, fighting with him for no reason, shouting at the children and beating them over things that weren’t their fault. I had stopped sleeping at night, believing the next-door neighbors were spying on us and plotting to come in and steal everything. It was because of me that David left me, and I acted that way because of your post.”
I was now staring out the window. I could just make out open fields in the distance with the slightest smattering of brush. Where the hell was she taking me?
“I couldn’t forgive myself,” she said. “I know now that I never will.”
I gulped and asked, “How did you find me?”
She smiled maliciously in my direction, amused by my discomfort. “One of the criminal lawyers at my firm, Mike Corson, has a team of Private Investigators. I do paperwork for him, so I forged a memo asking one of the PI’s to find your whereabouts. It didn’t take long; I knew your full name, where you had once worked and where you grew up. I was of course surprised you still lived there after all these years.” Her smile was now spiteful and mocking. That and her last comment made me look away, slightly incensed. “Of course, when Mike found out about it I was fired. Misappropriate of the firm’s resources. It didn’t help I was already on thin ice – for obvious reasons.”
The road we had driven on had disintegrated into a rough, jagged path of scrappy concrete. It was as though we had gone back in time to when there was nothing but dirt and jungle. I actually started worrying that if we drove any longer that that road would stop, or we’d be stranded in desert.
I looked at the clock on the dash and the green numbers revealed 12:03. We had been driving for hours. Another hour passed with nothing. Just silence.
I started absorbing what she’d told me and felt this weight form in the pit of my stomach. I had caused this. I had ruined her life. And for what? A little bit of attention on an online forum? Jesus, the episode hadn’t been that much of my life and, for God sake, she was schizophrenic. The whole damn thing now seemed sleazy and – and I no longer felt scared. I wasn’t frightened at all. I just wanted this to end.
By 1:15 she slowed down the car. We pulled over, parking on a gravel shoulder by a vast, empty field, the car pointed away and perpendicular to the road.
When she switched off her headlights it went all black beyond the windshield. My eyes adjusted and I could just make out the black shape of the field beneath the lighter shade of the starless night sky. We both sat there, not looking at each other, like we had just fucked for money. She didn’t move, didn’t stir. The revolver still trained on me.
“I’m sorry,” I said. My voice was contrite and damp. “I know that what I did was wrong. When I met you, it was at a moment when you were most vulnerable and it was wrong for me to take advantage, even years later.”
She didn’t look at me, didn’t move. But I knew she heard me.
“Go ahead,” I then said to her. “Kill me. I deserve to be hurt. I deserve to die. I – I don’t want to live anymore.”
Just then, she straitened in her seat, still staring out into the field before us.
“No,” she said, huskily. “You deserve to feel what I feel every day.”
I then heard the hammer click backward and watched as she opened her perfect mouth and stuck the barrel into it.
I shouted and lunged toward her but--
BANG!
There was a flash and I saw spots. My ears were ringing and blocked like I was under water. After about a minute my eyes adjusted. Then I started, stupidly surprised, by the sight of the woman’s mutilated face resting next to me in the car. The interior was splattered with blood.
My hand groped endlessly for the door handle, finally finding it, and I fell out onto the pebbled ground from the passenger side. I got on my hands and knees and puked my guts out. After I stood up, I doubled over and dry heaved for several minutes.
From there I walked the shoulder, not thumbing, not trying to get home, just trying to get as far away from Andrea – Alicia as I could.
Eventually, by daybreak, someone driving a rusted pickup pulled over and asked me if I needed a lift. Still shaken and exhausted I approached his passenger-side window. Once I was a foot away from his truck, I saw his face drain pale, his pupils shrink in the sockets and in one hyper-movement, he grabbed the gearstick, put it into drive and sped off.
I stared at the fleeing vehicle confused, then looked down at my clothes. I was, of course, covered with blood. I took off my jacket and shirt, wiped my face with them, then tossed them, continuing the rest of the way in just my undershirt and slacks. About two hours later, someone picked me up and drove me as far as the next major city. From there I took a bus home and called in sick to work.
UPDATE
About a week after the incident, two detectives came to see me at my home. They asked me about my relationship to the deceased, Alicia Moretto-Lippmann, and I told them the whole story. They informed me that they had found Google map printouts of my address and a P.I. file of my name at the scene.
They tried to get me to go downtown with them, but I refused and called a lawyer. My new lawyer, Mister Michael Corson, who agreed to represent me Pro Bono, told me there’s no chance of a charge of murder being brought against me. The evidence of possible foul play is pretty thin; my story, although incredible, makes enough sense; and the police are happy to write off her death as a suicide rather than spend endless man-hours and OT investigating a homicide.
Corson recommended me to a better matrimonial lawyer, and I got my alimony reduced and received more time to see my kids. I also entered AA where I have started to get over my self-destructive thoughts and behavior.
Don’t get me wrong. I feel horrible about what happened to Alicia. And her last words do stick with me. But, I mean, how far does guilt get you?
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2020.08.20 16:32 HaulA20Augl Spying on sexy neighbor

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2020.08.11 16:00 11Augdacket Spying on sexy neighbor

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2020.07.24 16:38 wolf24Jul Spying on sexy neighbor

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2020.07.23 17:38 CobaltCrusader123 x/ugrabbitz copypastas as a single copypasta ( I couldn't fit them all)

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  19. 🍇⃠☔️⃠⃠⎷ ₯ ⎳ ⬢🏳️‍🌈⃠⃞⃟⃤⃡⃢⃣⃥⃚⃛⃝⃞⃟⃦⃨⃧
  20. In this post-Freudian age the institution of marriage, as a by-product of religiously-fuelled monogamy, has deteriorated to the point theat amorphous sexual identity, as opposed to rigid religiosity, has become the primary self-defining feature of the individual.But has anything changed?Has the entrapment of woman via marriage which Blake called a "gilded cage" merely deteriorated to the "rusty prison" of the Bang Bus, representative of the anonymous male-centric sex and gang bangs.
  21. JonathanHills (Buddhism Hotline) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YOaonnvel\_M&t
  22. Ɛ
  23. Hello bitch, nice TITS ahahahahah milky millky milky baby thristy mommy baby want milk suck suck suck suck hahahaha stupid cunt give me those big udders you slut hahahaha tits tit titty me your caveman me use big titty for big bitty hahaha honk honk honk slut cunt mommy honk honk milky baby want more now honk honk honk pitter patter on those big mommy milkies hee hee hee haha haaaa haaaa can't stop the milk truck coming through honk honk all aboard the titty train hee hee wooo wooooooo honk honk honk!!!
  24. 🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴
  25. 🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🤔🤔🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴
  26. 🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🤔🤔🔴🔴🔴🔴
  27. 🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🤔🤔🔴🔴🤔🤔🔴🔴🔴
  28. 🔴🔴🔴🔴🤔🤔🤔🔴🔴🔴🤔🤔🔴🔴
  29. 🔴🔴🔴🤔🤔🤔🤔🔴🔴🔴🤔🤔🔴🔴
  30. 🔴🔴🔴🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🔴🔴🤔🤔🔴🔴
  31. 🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🤔🤔🤔🔴🤔🤔🔴🔴
  32. 🔴🔴🔴🔴🤔🔴🔴🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🔴🔴
  33. 🔴🔴🔴🤔🤔🤔🔴🔴🤔🤔🤔🤔🔴🔴
  34. 🔴🔴🤔🤔🔴🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🔴🔴
  35. 🔴🤔🤔🔴🔴🔴🤔🤔🤔🔴🤔🤔🤔🔴
  36. 🔴🤔🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🤔🤔🔴
  37. 🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴
  38. / フフ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ム///
  39. / )\⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀Y
  40. (⠀⠀| ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)⠀⠀⠀ ⌒(⠀ ノ
  41. (⠀ ノ⌒ Y ⌒ヽ-く ____/
  42. | _⠀。ノ| ノ。 |/
  43. (⠀ー '_人`ー ノ
  44. ⠀|\  ̄ _人'彡ノ
  45. ⠀ )\⠀⠀ 。⠀⠀ /
  46. ⠀⠀(\⠀ #⠀ /
  47. ⠀/⠀⠀⠀/ὣ========D-
  48. /⠀⠀⠀/⠀ \ \⠀⠀\
  49. ( (⠀)⠀⠀⠀⠀ ) ).⠀)
  50. (⠀⠀)⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀( | /
  51. |⠀ /⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ | /
  52. [___] ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀[___]
  53. ┈╱▔╲▂╱╱╱╱▂╱▔╲┈┈ ▕▔╲┈╱▔╲┈┈╱╲╱▔▏┈ ▕▏┈▏╱▉╲┈┈╱▉╲▕▏┈ ┈╲▃▏▔▔▔╲▂▂▂▕╱┈┈ ┈┈┈▏┊┊┳┊╲▂╱┳▏┈┈ ┈┈▕╲▂┊╰━━┻━╱┈┈┈ ┈┈╱┈┈▔▔╲▂▂╱╲┈┈┈ 🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴⚪⚪⚪🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴 🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴⚪⚪⚪⚪⚪🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴 🔴🔴🔴🔴⚪⚪⚪⚫⚪⚪⚪🔴🔴🔴🔴 🔴🔴🔴⚪⚪⚪⚫⚫⚫⚪⚪⚪🔴🔴🔴 🔴🔴⚪⚪⚪⚫⚫⚫⚪⚪⚪⚪⚪🔴🔴 🔴⚪⚪⚪⚫⚫⚫⚪⚪⚪⚫⚪⚪⚪🔴 ⚪⚪⚪⚫⚫⚫⚪⚪⚪⚫⚫⚫⚪⚪⚪ ⚪⚪⚪⚪⚫⚫⚫⚪⚫⚫⚫⚫⚫⚪⚪ ⚪⚫⚪⚪⚪⚫⚫⚫⚫⚫⚪⚫⚫⚫⚪ ⚫⚫⚫⚪⚪⚪⚫⚫⚫⚪⚪⚪⚫⚫⚫ ⚪⚫⚫⚫⚪⚫⚫⚫⚫⚫⚪⚪⚪⚫⚪ ⚪⚪⚫⚫⚫⚫⚫⚪⚫⚫⚫⚪⚪⚪⚪ ⚪⚪⚪⚫⚫⚫⚪⚪⚪⚫⚫⚫⚪⚪⚪ 🔴⚪⚪⚪⚫⚪⚪⚪⚫⚫⚫⚪⚪⚪🔴 🔴🔴⚪⚪⚪⚪⚪⚫⚫⚫⚪⚪⚪🔴🔴 🔴🔴🔴⚪⚪⚪⚫⚫⚫⚪⚪⚪🔴🔴🔴 🔴🔴🔴🔴⚪⚪⚪⚫⚪⚪⚪🔴🔴🔴🔴 🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴⚪⚪⚪⚪⚪🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴 🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴⚪⚪⚪🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴
  54. So you're going by " " now nerd? Haha whats up douche bag, it's Tyler from Highschool. Remember me? Me and the guys used to give you a hard time in school. Sorry you were just an easy target lol. I can see not much has changed. Remember Sarah the girl you had a crush on? Yeah we're married now. I make over 200k a year and drive a mustang GT. I guess some things never change huh loser? Nice catching up lol. Pathetic..
  55. You think you know shit you dumb bitch? Fuck you I’ll slit your families throats with no remorse. Don’t ever disrespect Teletubbies again idiot.
  56. ɴᴏᴡ ᴘʟᴀʏɪɴɢ: Despacito 2 (Feat: JokerRaps) ───────────────────────────○─────────────────── ◄◄⠀▐▐ ⠀►►⠀⠀ ⠀ 𝟸:𝟷𝟾 / 𝟷𝟹:𝟻𝟼 ⠀ ───○ 🔊⠀ ᴴᴰ ⚙️ ❐ ⊏⊐
  57. ɴᴏᴡ ᴘʟᴀʏɪɴɢ: Women Aren't Funny (Feat: Back To The Kitchen) ───────────⚪────── ◄◄⠀▐▐ ⠀►► 5:12/ 7:𝟻𝟼 ───○ 🔊⠀ ᴴᴰ ⚙️
  58. I am so Ṭ̷Ř̥̤̤̻̥̥ͧ̏ͦ̋͑͡Ɨ̘͉̲̯̹͔̿ͯͦ͋͂͡Ǥ̸̷͈͇͉̟̫͚͖͉̼̰̱̩͔̙̖̱̌͑ͥ̐ͤͧ̂͌̃ͬ͟͜ͅĠ̟͓͇̺̭̮̇̄̍̃ͬͣ͂ͪ̽̃̀͜Ɇ̛ͦ̄̓ͪ̇̌̄̒̊̓̾̐͒͋ͭ̀͗̚͝҉̧͙͍̦̣̤͇͓͙̲͍̪̤̻͢ͅṜ͓̠̘̥̼̈́̌ͬ͜ͅḚ̬̯͎͉̙̉ͧ͆̕Ƌ̶ . so fucking Ṭ̷Ř̥̤̤̻̥̥ͧ̏ͦ̋͑͡Ɨ̘͉̲̯̹͔̿ͯͦ͋͂͡Ǥ̸̷͈͇͉̟̫͚͖͉̼̰̱̩͔̙̖̱̌͑ͥ̐ͤͧ̂͌̃ͬ͟͜ͅĠ̟͓͇̺̭̮̇̄̍̃ͬͣ͂ͪ̽̃̀͜Ɇ̛ͦ̄̓ͪ̇̌̄̒̊̓̾̐͒͋ͭ̀͗̚͝҉̧͙͍̦̣̤͇͓͙̲͍̪̤̻͢ͅṜ͓̠̘̥̼̈́̌ͬ͜ͅḚ̬̯͎͉̙̉ͧ͆̕Ƌ̶ . why do you have to do this to me. you made me Ṭ̷Ř̥̤̤̻̥̥ͧ̏ͦ̋͑͡Ɨ̘͉̲̯̹͔̿ͯͦ͋͂͡Ǥ̸̷͈͇͉̟̫͚͖͉̼̰̱̩͔̙̖̱̌͑ͥ̐ͤͧ̂͌̃ͬ͟͜ͅĠ̟͓͇̺̭̮̇̄̍̃ͬͣ͂ͪ̽̃̀͜Ɇ̛ͦ̄̓ͪ̇̌̄̒̊̓̾̐͒͋ͭ̀͗̚͝҉̧͙͍̦̣̤͇͓͙̲͍̪̤̻͢ͅṜ͓̠̘̥̼̈́̌ͬ͜ͅḚ̬̯͎͉̙̉ͧ͆̕Ƌ̶ and i cant control myself. if i wasnt so fucking Ṭ̷Ř̥̤̤̻̥̥ͧ̏ͦ̋͑͡Ɨ̘͉̲̯̹͔̿ͯͦ͋͂͡Ǥ̸̷͈͇͉̟̫͚͖͉̼̰̱̩͔̙̖̱̌͑ͥ̐ͤͧ̂͌̃ͬ͟͜ͅĠ̟͓͇̺̭̮̇̄̍̃ͬͣ͂ͪ̽̃̀͜Ɇ̛ͦ̄̓ͪ̇̌̄̒̊̓̾̐͒͋ͭ̀͗̚͝҉̧͙͍̦̣̤͇͓͙̲͍̪̤̻͢ͅṜ͓̠̘̥̼̈́̌ͬ͜ͅḚ̬̯͎͉̙̉ͧ͆̕Ƌ̶ iwould be living the life. but no, im am fucking Ṭ̷Ř̥̤̤̻̥̥ͧ̏ͦ̋͑͡Ɨ̘͉̲̯̹͔̿ͯͦ͋͂͡Ǥ̸̷͈͇͉̟̫͚͖͉̼̰̱̩͔̙̖̱̌͑ͥ̐ͤͧ̂͌̃ͬ͟͜ͅĠ̟͓͇̺̭̮̇̄̍̃ͬͣ͂ͪ̽̃̀͜Ɇ̛ͦ̄̓ͪ̇̌̄̒̊̓̾̐͒͋ͭ̀͗̚͝҉̧͙͍̦̣̤͇͓͙̲͍̪̤̻͢ͅṜ͓̠̘̥̼̈́̌ͬ͜ͅḚ̬̯͎͉̙̉ͧ͆̕Ƌ̶ and i have to live in this shithole. which doesn't help because im so fucking Ṭ̷Ř̥̤̤̻̥̥ͧ̏ͦ̋͑͡Ɨ̘͉̲̯̹͔̿ͯͦ͋͂͡Ǥ̸̷͈͇͉̟̫͚͖͉̼̰̱̩͔̙̖̱̌͑ͥ̐ͤͧ̂͌̃ͬ͟͜ͅĠ̟͓͇̺̭̮̇̄̍̃ͬͣ͂ͪ̽̃̀͜Ɇ̛ͦ̄̓ͪ̇̌̄̒̊̓̾̐͒͋ͭ̀͗̚͝҉̧͙͍̦̣̤͇͓͙̲͍̪̤̻͢ͅṜ͓̠̘̥̼̈́̌ͬ͜ͅḚ̬̯͎͉̙̉ͧ͆̕Ƌ̶. no one has come to help me so far. that is also making me Ṭ̷Ř̥̤̤̻̥̥ͧ̏ͦ̋͑͡Ɨ̘͉̲̯̹͔̿ͯͦ͋͂͡Ǥ̸̷͈͇͉̟̫͚͖͉̼̰̱̩͔̙̖̱̌͑ͥ̐ͤͧ̂͌̃ͬ͟͜ͅĠ̟͓͇̺̭̮̇̄̍̃ͬͣ͂ͪ̽̃̀͜Ɇ̛ͦ̄̓ͪ̇̌̄̒̊̓̾̐͒͋ͭ̀͗̚͝҉̧͙͍̦̣̤͇͓͙̲͍̪̤̻͢ͅṜ͓̠̘̥̼̈́̌ͬ͜ͅḚ̬̯͎͉̙̉ͧ͆̕Ƌ̶. everyone is so shit and it makes me so Ṭ̷Ř̥̤̤̻̥̥ͧ̏ͦ̋͑͡Ɨ̘͉̲̯̹͔̿ͯͦ͋͂͡Ǥ̸̷͈͇͉̟̫͚͖͉̼̰̱̩͔̙̖̱̌͑ͥ̐ͤͧ̂͌̃ͬ͟͜ͅĠ̟͓͇̺̭̮̇̄̍̃ͬͣ͂ͪ̽̃̀͜Ɇ̛ͦ̄̓ͪ̇̌̄̒̊̓̾̐͒͋ͭ̀͗̚͝҉̧͙͍̦̣̤͇͓͙̲͍̪̤̻͢ͅṜ͓̠̘̥̼̈́̌ͬ͜ͅḚ̬̯͎͉̙̉ͧ͆̕Ƌ̶ i just cant contain my Ṭ̷Řͧ̏
  59. ⢀⡴⠑⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⣤⣤⣤⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠸⡇⠀⠿⡀⠀⠀⠀⣀⡴⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠑⢄⣠⠾⠁⣀⣄⡈⠙⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡀⠁⠀⠀⠈⠙⠛⠂⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⡿⢿⣆⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⢀⡾⣁⣀⠀⠴⠂⠙⣗⡀⠀⢻⣿⣿⠭⢤⣴⣦⣤⣹⠀ ⠀⠀⢀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣷⣮⣽⣾⣿⣥⣴⣿⣿⡿⢂⠔⢚⡿⢿⣿⣦ ⠀⢀⡞⠁⠙⠻⠿⠟⠉⠀⠛⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣌⢤⣼⣿⣾⣿⡟ ⠀⣾⣷⣶⠇⠀⠀⣤⣄⣀⡀⠈⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇ ⠀⠉⠈⠉⠀⠀⢦⡈⢻⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣶⣶⣤⣽⡹⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠲⣽⡻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣜⣿⣿⣿⡇ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣷⣶⣮⣭⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⣈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣠⢼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⡄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⣀⣤⣴⣾⣿⣷⣭⣭⣭⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⠄⠄ ⠄⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣸⣿⣿⣧⠄⠄ ⠄⣿⣿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⢻⣿⣿⡄⠄ ⠄⢸⣿⣮⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⢹⣿⣿⣿⡟⢛⢻⣷⢻⣿⣧⠄ ⠄⠄⣿⡏⣿⡟⡛⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⠸⣿⣿⣿⣷⣬⣼⣿⢸⣿⣿⠄ ⠄⠄⣿⣧⢿⣧⣥⣾⣿⣿⣿⡟⣴⣝⠿⣿⣿⣿⠿⣫⣾⣿⣿⡆ ⠄⠄⢸⣿⣮⡻⠿⣿⠿⣟⣫⣾⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣾⣿⡏⣿⣿⣿⡇ ⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⡇⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⣿⣿⣿⡇ ⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⣿⣿⠄ ⠄⠄⣼⣿⣿⣿⢃⣾⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄ ⠄ ⠄⠄⠸⣿⣿⢣⢶⣟⣿⣖⣿⣷⣻⣮⡿⣽⣿⣻⣖⣶⣤⣭⡉⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⢹⠣⣛⣣⣭⣭⣭⣁⡛⠻⢽⣿⣿⣿⣿⢻⣿⣿
  60. After a long day of work, Kanye West goes to his Kanye Nest to take his Kanye Rest. He wakes up feeling his Kanye Best. Then he’ll get Kanye Dressed on his Kanye Vest to go on a Kanye Quest. He goes to church and becomes Kanye Blessed, then to a hotel room to be a Kanye Guest. Then to school to take his Kanye Test. He forgot to brush his teeth. Did he run out of Kanye Crest? His neighbor stole it, what a Kanye Pest.
  61. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀. .
  62. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⌒
  63. Lord Maximus, 22.
  64. Lord Maximus at your service m’lady, level 82 DM, feminist, gentleman, sandwich lover, burrito lover, woman lover.
  65. *ahem* Listen Carefully, M'lady, it seems you have stolen something from me,and i am very upset, i will have no choice but to contact the town sheriff to place in the stocks,for thieving, if you do not return my heart to me posthaste, this kind of behaviour will not be tollerated, however, i am willing to overlook this transgression, if tou agree to a date with me, otherwise chareges will be pressed for the stealing of my heart, i await your letter of acceptance *kisses hand and blows* yours truly,lord Maximus
  66. 1- I got a dig bick
  67. 2- you that read wrong
  68. 3- you read that wrong too
  69. 4- you checked
  70. 5- you smiled
  71. 7- your wondering why your still
  72. this reading this
  73. 8- you saw that mistake.... Right? (on 7)
  74. 10- but did you see that I skipped 6?
  75. 10- you checked
  76. 11- and saw you that I doubled 10 and skipped 9
  77. 12- I said saw you, not you saw
  78. 13- I also skipped 2
  79. 14- you just got tricked
  80. 15- I am just wasting your time, everyone says "I deserve a like" but I probably don't haha, but go back to reading those comments you beautiful creature?
  81. 👁👂🥁🗣🌃 👩👂🗣🔇 👩🏃‍♀️➡️🕧✈️ 🌔🦋⭐️➡️🙏👍 👁👤✋👴🏻 🙏📕🖊📚📖👴🏻🎼 🏃‍♂️➡️👴🏻🗣🏃‍♂️👍
  82. 👱‍♂️🔥☄️💥🏃‍♂️🔥☄️💥🔥💁‍♀️ 🚫❌🚶‍♂️🚶‍♂️🚶‍♂️🚶‍♂️❌ 👁🙏🌧⬇️🌍 👤🕑🕒🕓👫❌
  83. 🐺🐕😭🌔 🐺💤🚫🙏👤👫 👁👤💭👍👁✅ 👍🌋⬆️🏔🐘🐘 👁👨‍⚕️🍵⬇️ 😖🙇‍♂️👤👁👤
  84. 👱‍♂️🔥☄️💥🏃‍♂️🔥☄️💥🔥💁‍♀️ 🚫❌🚶‍♂️🚶‍♂️🚶‍♂️🚶‍♂️❌ 👁🙏🌧⬇️🌍 👤🕑🕒🕓👫❌
  85. 🏃‍♂️➡️👴🏻🗣👩👍
  86. 👱‍♂️🔥☄️💥🏃‍♂️🔥☄️💥🔥💁‍♀️ 🚫❌🚶‍♂️🚶‍♂️🚶‍♂️🚶‍♂️❌ 👁🙏🌧⬇️🌍 👁🙏🌧⬇️🌍 👁🙏🌧⬇️🌍 👁🙏🌧⬇️🌍 👁🙏🌧⬇️🌍 👤🕑🕒🕓👫❌
  87. Yesterday I saw a white, windowless van saying "free candy" in spray paint. I love candy, especially free, so naturally i walk over to the van and knock on the window. The man came out and he looked quite old and strange, and he also smelt a bit like fish and sewage. But who am I to judge if I'm getting free candy right? He opened the back door and told me to come inside. Inside it was dark and it smelt like the bathroom after my dad's daily alone time. I felt the man touch my legs and feet when all of a sudden the lights turned on. i could see him crouched over next to me at a light switch and to my amazement there was the most candy I have ever seen in my life. The man smiled to reveal black and missing teeth, probably from the sugar in all of the candy. He told me to take as much as i want. After eating as much as my stomach could hold, I went home with my pockets filled with the candy. When i got home, my dad asked where have I been all this time so i told him the story. He then took me to my room and proceeded to fuck me in the ass
  88. You wrote that yourself? wow congrats dude, really, that's very cool. i just told everyone in my family about it, everybody thinks that's very impressive and asked me to congratulate you. they want to speak to you in person, if possible, to give you their regards. they also said they will tell our distant relatives in christmas supper and in NYE they will ignite fireworks that spell your name. i also told about this enormous deed to closer relatives, they had the same reaction. they asked for your address so they can send congratulatory cards and messages. my friends didn't believe me when i told them i knew the author of this gigantic feat, really, they were dumbstruck, they said they will make your name echo through years and years to come. when my neighbour found out about what you did, he was completely dumbstruck too, he wanted to know who you are and he asked (if you have the time, of course) if you could stop by to receive gifts, congratulations and handshakes. with the spreading of the news, a powerful businessman of the area decided to hire you as the CEO of his company because of this tremendous feat and at the same time an important international shareholder wants to sponsor you to give speeches and teach everybody how to do as you did so the world becomes a better place. you have become famous not only here but also everywhere, everybody knows who you are. the news spread really fast and mayors of all cities are setting up porticos, ballons, colossal boom speakers, anything that can make your name stand out more and see which city can congratulate you the hardest for this magnificent feat.
  89. After hours of deliberation with the council of high intellect education foundation ( C. H. I. E. F.), it has officially been determined that the content of this will be immediately categorised under stage 2 terminology ‘this most definitely ain’t it’ until further action can be proposed. After several proceedings, the 4 council representatives; Ligma, Sugma, Bofa and SuCon, they have outlined various problems within this matter. Firstly, it rejects and defies the first commandment of memeology; “No Cap” preferably referred to as “No 🧢” Secondly, it also defies the second commandment of memeology; “is this loss?” People truly feel at loss when this predicament presents itself and to answer their question it is not loss. However this post represents the very dooming definition of loss. Finally, it defies the final and most important commandments issued by the council of high intellect and education foundation (C. H. I. E. F.); “I just got off the phone with chief.... not it” [memeology v.2 : chapter 4 : page 3 : verse 34]. This is a grave mistake you have made as only the chosen intellects can access the intercellular matrix that connects beings of low intellect (humans) and beings of high intellect (chiefs). Only ones who have the highest intellect and highest IQ can enter the intercellular matrix of the planetary separations and therefore connect to the C. H. I. E. F bureau for further questioning. As this issuement has not met the certain requirements in memeology, it will be transferred further down into the stage 5 catergory, terminalised as “delete this shit nigga”
  90. What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.
  91. El Ni🅱️🅱️a
  92. Don't let this you from the fact I didn't say distract
  93. 𓈝 everyone gangsta til the rectangle nigga start walkin 𓈝
  94. 𓈝everyone gangsta 𓈝 till𓈝 𓈝 𓈝 the rectangle 𓈝 𓈝 nigga 𓈝 start walkin 𓈝
  95. Dihydrogen Monoxide, also known as “Hydro-Oxy” is a new street drug that the kids use, it is an extremely addictive substance . The withdrawals of the substance is so severe that it may kill the user after three days of not taking it. No joke.
  96. The prettiest girls look like 👩🏽 The popular girls looks like 💃🏼 And I look like 🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿
  97. What's good 😜 u candy cane cum guzzler 👅🎄DICKCEMBER🎄 is here and u know what that means ❄ HOE HOE HOE season has arrived 🎅 put on your rudolph pasties 🔴 pop ur peppermint pussy 🍬 and sit by the fireplace with some hot COCKLATE 🍆☕if u want to get RAWED 👉👌 under the mistletoe 🌿 this christmAss 🎁 send this to 15 of your sluttiest elves 👩👨 if u get 0 back 😔 ur an UGLY GRINCH👀 if u get 5 back 😌 ur a SEXY SNOWMAN ⛄⛄if u get 10 back 😘 ur a BAD JINGLE BELL BITCH 🔥🙌 SHARE in 69 😉💦 seconds or you won't be gettin dicked down 😱 in 2❕0❕1❕9
  98. I'M DELETING YOU, DADDY!😭👋
  99. ██]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 10% complete.....
  100. ████]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 35% complete....
  101. ███████]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 60% complete....
  102. ███████████] 99% complete.....
  103. 🚫ERROR!🚫 💯True💯 Daddies are irreplaceable 💖I could never delete you Daddy!💖 Send this to ten other 👪Daddies👪 who give you 💦cummies💦 Or never get called ☁️squishy☁️ again❌❌😬😬❌❌ If you get 0 Back: no cummies for you 🚫🚫👿 3 back: you're squishy☁️💦 5 back: you're daddy's kitten😽👼💦 10+ back: Daddy
  104. Fuck a hater , hit a snitch , your my girl 👭 , my 5 star bitch , i love you more than any dick 💕💯, && if i dont get this back 🕙 , you aint worth shit !! Send this to 8 girls you care about .. 💯 I love you , I love you forever !! 💯 Whoever stops this will suffer for 83 days !! 💯💯💯 Ready, set, GO !!!! in
  105. Stahp. 👋 🏻 Don't Flirt Wit Meh. Do Yhu Not Know What In A➡ RELATIONSHIP⬅ Means.? Frfr.👋 🏻 I Am Loyal. 💯 I Am In Love.💗 && Nobody Gunna Come Between Us. 😝 Stop Wit Yhur Thirsty Asses Tryna Hit Me Up On The DL, I Am Commited.✌ 🏼👌🏼💯
  106. ! ! ! ATTENTION 2003 KIDS ! ! ! This 👇 is the last year of being a kid 👦👧! Because NEXT 👉YEAR! We gon be T33N4G3RS💁💅!! PARTYING 🎉💃 DRINKING 🍻🍸🍹🍷 MAKING OUT AND SEX 👅💦O_O PERIODS ☹🍫 HEARTBREAKS 💔☹ MIDDLE SCHOOL SOPHOMORES (7️⃣TH GRADE)
  107. 🎃👻🎃👻🎃👻👻👻🎃👻 spooky shit spooky sHit🎃 thats ✔ some spooky🎃🎃shit right🎃🎃th 🎃 ere🎃🎃🎃 right✔there ✔✔if i do ƽaү so my self 💯 i say so 💯 thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ💯 🎃🎃 🎃НO0ОଠOOOOOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃 💯 🎃 👻👻 👻 🎃🎃spooky shit
  108. slam me the FUCK uP 👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀 john cena JOhN cEna👌 john ✔ cena john👌👌cena john👌👌cena👌👌👌 john✔cena ✔✔u can't see me if I do ƽaү so my self 💯 i say so 💯 thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ💯 👌👌 👌НO0ОଠOOOOOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ👌 👌👌 👌 💯 👌 👀 👀 👀 👌👌John ceNa
  109. POTENTIALLY sign me the FUCK up 👋👀👋👀👋👀👋👀👋👀 average shit modera̷̶te sHit 👋 thats some ALright 👋👋shit right 👋👋 th 👋 ere 👋👋👋 right 🆗 there 🆗 if i do ƽaү so my self🆗 i say so 🆗 that could be what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ 🆗 👋 👋👋НO0ОଠOOOOOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ 👋 👋👋 👋 🆗 👋 👀 👀 👀 👋👋Not outstanding shit
  110. 💩🐃💩🐃💩🐃💩🐃💩🐃 bull shit bull sHit💩 thats ✖️ some bull💩💩shit right💩💩th 💩 ere💩💩💩 right✖️there ✖️✖️if i do ƽaү so my self ‼️ i say so ‼️ thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ‼️ 💩💩 💩HO0ОଠOOOOOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ💩 💩💩 💩 ‼️ 💩 🐃 🐃 🐃 💩💩Bull shit
  111. Merry ⛄️🌟 Christmas Babe 🔥🍑👅 I hope 🙏🏼👏🏼 Santa comes 👄💦😩 to visit you 👣👟and give 👍🏼 you a package 🙈📦💌💦. Hope you were a 😇🙂 good girl 😛🍆 this year instead of the😽 usual 😼 naughty 🙄 girl 💦🍑👅😛😫🔥🔥. Santa is definitely ✊🏻 coming 💧tonight 🎅🏿🎅🏻😳😏 and he's gonna 😍😘 stuff your stocking 😝👌🏽👈🏽 with goodies 💋💄👙👗 tonight on this 🎄Christmas 🎄night ❄️⛄️☃🌨💫. Santa 🎅🏻 is gonna 💪🏿💪🏼✊🏻squeeze 🖖🏻down your 👧🏽 😰 narrow 😛😍chimney 🏡🏠 and show you 👀 that you've been a very👸🏽👸🏽 naughty 😏😫😝 girl. Then his 💁🏼 helper 😬😏 Boy 🍆🙃🙂 is gonna 🎄sleigh you baby 😛😏😲👐🏼🙌🏻 and inspect 🕵🔎🔍 that 🍑 sweet 💦 ass🍑 because that's what 👉🏽you👈🏽 want for Christmas 🍑💦😛🔥😏😍🍆👅👀 Santa 🎅🏻 is cumin😻👽 to town 🏢🏦🏬🏚🏡🏠🏣🏤 the clock 🕐 is ticking 🙄 be ready 😏😛🍆 Santa is cumin down↘️⬇️↙️ your👌🏽😍 chimney🖖🏻👅 tonight 😮and he's gonna 😨drown in that chimney 🤐😰💦💧☔️🏊🏼🏄🏼🚣🏼 of yours 🛀🏼🍆🍑 SLEIGH 🎄🎄 🎅🏻SANTA🎅🏻 🎄🎄 SLEIGH 🍆😩💦👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩
  112. OMG 😱😱😱 BRO👬 CALM 😴😴 DOWN BRO ⬇️⬇️ SIMMER ☕️☕️ DOWN⬇️⬇️ U WANNA KNOW Y⁉️ BC 💁💁 IT WAS JUST A PRANK 😂😂😂 😛😜 HAHAHA GOT U 👌👌 U FUKIN RETARD 😂😁😁THERE'S A CAMERA 📹📷 RIGHT OVER 👈👇👆☝️ THERE 📍U FAGOT 👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨👐WE 👨‍👨‍👦 GOT U BRO👬. I BET U DIDNT 🙅🙅NOE 💆HOW 2⃣ REACT WHEN MY 🙋 BRO DESMOND 😎😎 CAME UP ⬆️ TO U AND 💦💦😫😫 JIZZED ALL OVER UR 👖👖 SWEET JEANS 😂😂 IT WAS SO FUNNY 😂😛😀😀😅 NOW U HAVE 🙋👅👅 SUM BABY👶👶 GRAVY 💦🍲 ALL OVER THEM SHITS😵😵
  113. ✋✋✋✋✋hol' up hol' up ✋✋ looks 👀 like we got a master 🎓 memer 🐸🐸🐸 over here 👈👈👈👩👩 hold on to your 👙panties👙ladies!💋💁fuccbois better back the hell ⬆️up⬆️ this absolute 🙀🙀🙀 maaaaaadman!!1! 👹 all you other aspiring 🌽🌽 memers👽👻💀 mmmight as wwwell give up! 👎👎👎👎cuse 👉this guy👈is as good 👌👌👌as it gets! 👏👏👏😹😹
  114. 👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀 good shit go౦ԁ sHit👌 thats ✔ some good👌👌shit right👌👌there👌👌👌 right✔there ✔✔if i do ƽaү so my self 💯 i say so 💯 thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ💯 👌👌 👌НO0ОଠOOOOOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ👌 👌👌 👌 💯 👌 👀 👀 👀 👌👌Good shit
  115. ✋👀 hEY✋fagGotツhowsツitツgOinGm9?ツツツgUd👍👉👌👀 ✔geT💃trOlled💃💃loL💃what.a.gEYxD😂😂😂 💯%trole✔✔💃ツKeK 😂 ♏3♏35Xd♋I̵̘̦͈̬̭͈̪͈̬̠̹̬̦̭͎̭͆ͩ͌̉̉̓̋ͥ̿̍ͤ͗́̔͒́̀̚̚̚͠͠'̷̛̰͎̜̠̯͔̩̭̭̠̯̱͚̭̫̥̠͔̆̀̉̌̀̏m̐̓ͭͤͨ͋͗͒̔ͬͧ҉̲̮̖͙̳̖̖̳̬̟̥̦̺̺́̀͟ͅ ̿̈́ͣ̏̈́̂̎̓̆̈́ͩ́͠ 😂 ̡̨͚̟̭̹̲̯̪̞̫̮͎̙j̛̹̳͇̮͉͓̫̪̰̩̭̩͖̥̰̪͎̍̐̿̍́̐ͣ̃̿̽̒̍̆̂ͩͩ́̚̕͠͞u̸͐̅ͯ̑̓̅̽ͥͣ̽͏̮̠͔͈s̱̙̼͈͚̗̫̫̠̜̣̼̥̱͍̃̏ͫ̌ͧ̃ͨͪ̏ͦ̑ͦ̚̕͢͡͞͡t̼̤̰̹͓ͤ̽ͭ̌͊ͣ͛͘͠ 😂 ͚̞̠͎̰͙̹ ̵̫̪̫̪̹͍͚̬̘͕͙̰̬͔͑͐͗́̉͂̎̃ͪͯ̅̋ͯ̏̾̈a̢̼͍̲̼̭̤͈̯͔̪̍̂̓͛̍̇ͩ͑ͫ̃̌̋̊ͬ̓̇͒́̚̚͝͡ͅ ̡͔͖͂ͭ̓̾̾ͥ̂ͧ́͢͡ 😂 ͉̩̩͉̠͖͇͉̺̬͚̥͎͎̗ţ̶̴̡̡͕͈͍͚̩̞̤̥̱̯̤͈͙͚̭͉͓͂̒ͭ̀̓͒̒͑ͅr̪͎̹̹͚̝̥͚̙͕͗͂̑̒̎͐̽͂̽̔͋͆͒͋̂̒ͣ͛́o̢̠͍͚̼͙̬̙̹̥̭̼͚̖̘̭̲̫͛͂ͬ̎ͫ͒̾ͣ͒̽̍̑l̴̙̺̼̪̪̼̮͖̪̣̞̮͕͉̥̙͌ͮ̆̽̌́̆̈͞͞lͤ̔̇̾̓ͧ͆̑͒͒
  116. yes👌👀👌👀👌👀yEs👌👀oH👌👀yes💃💃💃 hahyehツ👍👍👍👍👍👍juSt💃💃💃s0💃💃💃gOoD💃💃💃mfwツツツツhApp3ツツツ👌👀2gud4👀m3m3s👍gr8💃💃👌👽ayy👽👽lmao👌👀ツツツnIc3ツ1👉👌👀Xd💃💃sO👍fUnnY👍👍👍gOOD👍👍joB✋✋✋
  117. LOOK 🚗🚗 THE FUCK🚙🚙🚙 OUT🚖🚖🚖🚕🚕🚕🚚🚚🚚🚚 IT'S🚓🚓🚒🚒🚒🚑🚑 CAR O'CLOCK🚏🚏🚏🚏🚏🚏🚏🚏BETTER CHECK🚏🚜🚜🚜🚜🚜BOTH SIDES🚚🚚🚚🚚🚜OF THE ROAD🚙🚙🚙🚙🚙B4 U CROSS🚛🚕🚕🚗🚗🚖🚖🚖🚚🚚OR YOU'LL GET HIT🚚🚚🚓🚓🚓🚔🚔🚔🚔👌👌👌👌👌👌
  118. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 i just had sex 👉🏿👌🏿💏💏 with your 👀comment 👀👱‍♀️👱🏻‍♀️👱🏿‍♀️cus I SMASHED that MFIN LIKE BUTTON 😂👦🏿👦🏿nigga👦🏿👦🏿😂😂😂
  119. yea 💯 my dicc 😎🍆 long 🙀😼💁🏻but 😛🍑 you know 🤔👀 whats even 😩😏🙈 longer??? 😈😱😰 my yea boyyyyyyyyyy 🗣👦🏻😂👌😜
  120. It’s 😂 the Nut🌰shack🏚! (Yee, yee 😏) It’s 😏 the Nut🌰shack🏚! (What he say? 🤔⁉️) It’s 😪 the Nut🌰shack🏚! (Oh, yes! 😄) (Yeeeah 😁) It’s 😐 the Nut🌰shack🏚! (Hey, 👋😃 I know 💭 that kid 👦!) It’s 😜 the Nut🌰shack🏚! (Don't ❌ forget 🤔 ya boy 😎 Angel 😇!) It’s 😙 the Nut🌰shack🏚! (It’s the Nut🌰shack🏚! 🙂) It’s 🤔 the Nut🌰shack🏚! (It’s the Nut🌰shack🏚! 😕) It’s 🤑 the Nut🌰shack🏚! (Yeah! 😊) (It’s the Nut🌰shack🏚… 😴) It’s 🙃 the Nut🌰shack🏚! (Hey! 😠) It’s 😤 the Nut🌰shack🏚! (This beat's 🎵 knockin' 😎👌!) It’s 😵 the Nut🌰shack🏚! (Whoooa! 😮😱) It’s 😳 the Nut🌰shack🏚!
  121. Hoo-ugh! 👊😤
  122. Phil’s 😎 from 📤 'Frisco 🏙, Jack’s 😪 from 📤 the P.I. 🏝! Horatio 🐒 or Horat 🤖 so big-eyed 👁👁! Tito Dick 👨 “😫Dick🍆man😫💦”, baby 👶! He raised 👨‍👦 Phil 😎 and loves 😍 the ladies 👯! Jack’s 😪 cool 😎 and lazy 😴, he’s still learnin’ 📖! Otherwise Cherry 🍒 Pie's 🍰 still a virgin 🙄! Chita 🙋, meet 👋😃 da freak 😱 of da weekah 🗓! Phil’s 😎 home🏠girl🚺, man Jack 😪 wanna keep her! But 😦 that’s not 🙅 happenin’, either 😭😩😭! (NO! 😡)
  123. Shakin’ 😰 like a seizure 😱, hold up 🖐😦, boys 👬 Let me spark 💥 this 🚬, take a breather 😤 (Yeaaah, huh-huh! 😂😂😂) Breathe that 🌿reefer🌿 in my lungs I Gott Grapes 🍇, what 🤔⁉️ you 🙇 watchin’ 📺, son?
  124. It’s 😒 the Nut🌰shack🏚! (Yah! 😄👍) It’s 😮 the Nut🌰shack🏚! (AAAAARRRGH! 😡😡😡) It’s 😎 the Nut🌰shack🏚! It’s 😂 the Nut🌰shack🏚!
  125. Nutshack...Nutshack...Nutshack...
  126. If Michael 👓from vsauce👓 and my girl 👧 😍 both drowning 🌊💦💦😵 and I can only save one 👓👧 Catch me😎 at my girl👸 funeral ⛪😔😔😔 👻 🌹having an existential crisis 😮😮😧😧
  127. Hell-o! 🤗This is message 📲brought to you by the hoes🕹🕹🕹 of hoesgiving! You turkey lurkey slut! 🦃🍴This will provide you the necessary 😏 ingredients to spice up your thanksgiving dish. no need to EAT OUT 🍽🍆💦💦💦💦💦on thanksgiving 🦃🦃🦃🦃when you can dish out 🍴your own😏🍆 Gobble 🦃Gobble 🦃this d🍆Icccccckkkk Don't forget the stuffing 😯💦to gobble👏 gobble👏 gobble👏 on a big ol😜😜 dick👌💋. back in 1️⃣4️⃣9️⃣2️⃣, our main bitch💁💁 Christopher Columbus👦🏻 and those slutty👙👠 pilgrims🏊🏊 had to 💦💦cum💦💦 2️⃣ America⛵️⛵️⛵️⚓️ in search🕵 of new dicks to suck🐓🐓🐓.
  128. 🦃🦃🦃 🦃🦃🦃 🦃🦃🦃🦃 🦃🦃🦃🦃 🦃🦃🦃🦃 🦃🦃🦃🦃 🦃🦃🦃🦃🦃🦃🦃🦃 🦃🦃🦃🦃🦃 🦃🦃🦃🦃 🦃🦃🦃🦃 🦃🦃🦃🦃 🦃🦃🦃🦃 🦃🦃🦃🦃 🦃🦃🦃🦃 🦃🦃🦃🦃 🦃🦃🦃🦃 🦃🦃🦃🦃 🦃🦃🦃
  129. send this to 1️⃣0️⃣ of your sluttiest pilgrim 🌽🌽 bitches or you won’t get any 💦gravy💦 this year. Get 5️⃣ back and you’re a mashed potato hoe😟😟. get 1️⃣0️⃣ back and you’re a sexy stuffing slut😽😽. happy 🦃cock🐓 gobbling👄 thursday and get ready for big ◼️BLACK◼️ dick 🎅🏿FRIDAY🎅🏿
  130. 💦👉😩Touch👈😍my😱😱👤BODY😍👤⬇️⬇️put⬇️⬇️me on the😩😍floor💦💦WRESTLE👊😍me around🔥😩PLAY💦🔥with me some😩more😩😍touch✋✋my👤body👤THROW⬆️me 🔛on🔛 the🔥😍BED💦😩I just wanna make you👉👌feel😍💦like you🙅never❌🚫did🔥😩
  131. —————————————————————
  132. 🚫🚫🚫🚫🚫🚫🚫🚫🚫🚫🚫🚫🚫🚫🚫—————————————————————
  133. One day in a sunny McDonald's land, Ronald McDonald was sitting under the shade pondering about his dream he had. He had gone to bed feeling especially suicidal, as a Redditor normally feels, but he had reached some sort of turning point. He just knew it...
  134. In his dream, a sexy man with luscious hair appeared before him. He shivered and Ronald got a gigantic erection. He immediately though of very indecent thoughts, causing his mouth to water.
  135. He would taste better than a Big Mac, he thought.
  136. Then the sexy man introduced himself as Jesus Christ. He had a deep voice that mad Ronald secretly fangirl to himsef. Shivers were running through his McDick. Jesus had an innocent aura around him. Ronald wanted to rub Jesus in his colors.
  137. Ronald watched as Jesus gracefully walked to him. He couldn't hold back as he pushed himself against Jesus wanting to be as close as possible to the sexy beast in front of him. Then he woke up to his damn Mclarm clock.
  138. Fuck me. Ronald thought. He then grabbed his special Mcbasket and headed out to be under the shade.
  139. Ronald's mouth watered again at the thought of his dream. Then the sky opened up. Light came from the sky and he heard angles singing. Then he saw Jesus coming down from the Heavens and was advancing towards him. Jesus was now in front of Ronald and he touched Jesus's smooth, sexy, sexy skin. He was real, alright. PRAISE THE LORD!
  140. Ronald tried his best at a seductive smile. Then he grabbed some rope from the Mcbasket.
  141. "Time for bondage play!" Ronald said.
  142. Jesus, without resisting, was tied to a pole by his wrists. Now was the time Ronald could do all the dirty deeds he got the ideas from _demetri_ online. He licked Jesus behind his ear, that cause Jesus to feel an electrical shock of pleasure run down his body. Ronald got out a Mcwhip and began slapping Jesus's ass. Jesus moaned out loud, "Ahhhh! Put your holy staff in my oven!"
  143. Ronald thrust his McDick in Jesus's oven. It was warm as fuck.
  144. "Harder!" Jesus moaned. He did it harder and harder. Then all of the sudden they felt the ground shake. Smoke came out of the ground and revealed a man with platinum hair. He had sexy jet black wings that had scars all over it. He wore all leather and had obscene tattoos all over his ripped body. He had a six pack and was pale as death. Ronald would kill for him.
  145. "Well, well Jesus..." said the mysterious guy in a smokers voice.
  146. "Satan! I...I...I love him!" proclaimed Jesus defiantly.
  147. "He, he, he…. I want you both." Satan chuckled.
  148. Then Satan put his demonic staff in Ronald's frier as Ronald put his McDick in Jesus's oven, the three of the rocking back and forth, feeling like one.
  149. Ronald in the middle felt a tear run down his eyes as he moaned, “I’m never going to think of killing myself again.”
  150. Hit or miss 🗡✖
  151. I guess they never miss huh? 🤔❌
  152. You got a boyfriend 💑
  153. I bet he doesn't kiss ya 💏✖
  154. Mwah 😙😚
  155. He gon find another girl 😱🙍‍♀️
  156. And he won't miss ya 😂😎
  157. He gon skrrt and hit the dab 🚗😎
  158. Like Wiz Khalifa 😉😉
  159. Alright so essentially socks are a gay insulator. When you kiss another man, touch balls, and then proceed to not say no homo. That some gay shit. Although socks are like a last line of defense. Now as I presume many of you know by now the gay travels through the ground like a current. So when you kiss another man, touch balls, and then proceed to not say no homo it doesn't go from mouth to mouth. Rather it goes down for the ground and travels up into your body from below which is GAY as FUCK. Although socks will block the gay from even entering your body thereby meaning that kissing another man, touching balls, and saying full homo are actually straight as fuck as long as you wear socks.
  160. Dog goes "woof"
  161. Cat goes "meow"
  162. Bird goes "tweet"
  163. And mouse goes "squeek"
  164. Cow goes "moo"
  165. Frog goes "croak"
  166. And the elephant goes "toot"
  167. Ducks say "quack"
  168. And fish go "blub"
  169. And the seal goes "ow ow ow"
  170. But there's one sound
  171. That no one knows
  172. What does the fox say?
  173. "Ring-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!
  174. Gering-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!
  175. Gering-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!"
  176. What the fox say?
  177. "Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow!
  178. Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow!
  179. Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow!"
  180. What the fox say?
  181. "Hatee-hatee-hatee-ho!
  182. Hatee-hatee-hatee-ho!
  183. Hatee-hatee-hatee-ho!"
  184. What the fox say?
  185. "Joff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo-tchoff!
  186. Tchoff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo-tchoff!
  187. Joff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo-tchoff!"
  188. What the fox say?
  189. There's a certain amount of respect I would love to obtain with you. But this aspect of respect is produced with levels of understanding and knowledge of each other, I would love to get to know you better in all ways in order to respect you more fully, ways of obtaining this respect comes with the knowledge of knowing you better physically, mentally, spiritually, and in all other aspects. Shall we start with our physical aspects. Knowledge of each other physically can be accomplished in several ways, perhaps a tactic of understanding can be done in photography of our physical bodies. Perhaps we could exchanged detailed photographs of ourselves physically in order to understand each other better in turn to set the stage for an for an even deeper, solid, and respectful relationship
  190. This video was too long. Halfway through it, I got hungry so I left it playing and went to the kitchen to fix my self a sandwich. But then I found out that I'm out of mayonnaise so I went to a store. There, I saw the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my whole life. But I'm really a shy person so I took up a three-year personality development course so I can introduce my self. She was very friendly and all, but unfortunately, she has a boyfriend. So I said, all good, I'm a mature person. I want the best for her and I harbor no illusion that I am the best person for her and she seems happy with her boyfriend, so I did not bother her anymore. But we kept in touch and we became friends and I got over my crush on her. Then she broke up with her boyfriend, we drank some alcohol because of it, I told her she'll be fine and I wished her well. I still think she's the most beautiful woman in the world, but like I said, I am over my crush on her. It was like five years already when I first saw her. Besides, I am quiet happy with the friendship I developed with her. It was more important than a crush. So we kept hanging out, drinking, having coffee, and all. I had a girlfriend, she started dating other guys. My girlfriend wants to live some other life without me in it, so I said, okay, I want the best for you and I want you to pursue your happiness. My lady friend and I drank alcohol about it, and she gave me the same advice I gave her when she was in that position and I became okay with the breakup immediately. But we were really drunk, so she spent the night in my apartment. I only have one bed, so you know what that means: She took the bed and I slept on the couch. But on the couch, I really can't sleep. Something was bothering me. So I tossed and turned for about three hours, then I finally can't take it anymore, I stood up and went straight to my room where she's sleeping. I approached the bed, gently sat on it and I reached for her shoulder to pull her closer to me. She stirred and woke up. She asked what's up. I told her, you know, the first time I saw you, I was watching a video and left it playing to get my self a sandwich then went to the store to get some mayo then I got distracted by life that I forgot to finish the video. She said, you know what, I've been wondering about a weird noise in your night drawer. So we opened that drawer, and lo and behold, there's my phone and this video still has two minutes of play time on it.
  191. time is just a way we call change. for example, when something rots its a change, but as we say “ rots away over time “. Time is an illusion made by man to set standards on the things we do. Without out the concept of “ time “ humans will not know how to live.
  192. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
  193. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  194. ̿̿ ̿̿ ̿̿ ̿'̿'\̵͇̿̿\З= ( ▀ ͜͞ʖ▀) =Ε/̵͇̿̿/’̿’̿ ̿ ̿̿ ̿̿ ̿̿
  195. ▄︻̷̿┻̿═━一
  196. ( ͡°( ͡° ͜ʖ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ʖ ͡°) ͡°)
  197. ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ
  198. (▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿)
  199. (ง ͠° ͟ل͜ ͡°)ง
  200. ༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ
  201. ಠ_ಠ
  202. (づ。◕‿‿◕。)づ
  203. ̿'̿'\̵͇̿̿\З=( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)=Ε/̵͇̿̿/'̿̿ ̿ ̿ ̿ ̿ ̿
  204. (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧ ✧゚・: *ヽ(◕ヮ◕ヽ)
  205. [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅5̲̅)̲̅$̲̅]
  206. ┬┴┬┴┤ ͜ʖ ͡°) ├┬┴┬┴
  207. ( ͡°╭͜ʖ╮͡° )
  208. (͡ ͡° ͜ つ ͡͡°)
  209. (• Ε •)
  210. (ง'̀-'́)ง
  211. (ಥ﹏ಥ)
  212. ﴾͡๏̯͡๏﴿ O'RLY?
  213. (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻
  214. [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°̲̅)̲̅$̲̅]
  215. (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧
  216. (☞゚∀゚)☞
  217. | (• ◡•)| (❍ᴥ❍Ʋ)
  218. (◕‿◕✿)
  219. (ᵔᴥᵔ)
  220. (╯°□°)╯︵ ꞰOOQƎƆⱯɟ
  221. (¬‿¬)
  222. (☞゚ヮ゚)☞ ☜(゚ヮ゚☜)
  223. (づ ̄ ³ ̄)づ
  224. Ლ(ಠ益ಠᲚ)
  225. ಠ╭╮ಠ
  226. ̿ ̿ ̿'̿'\̵͇̿̿\З=(•_•)=Ε/̵͇̿̿/'̿'̿ ̿
  227. /╲/\╭( ͡° ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ͡°)╮/\╱\
  228. (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)
  229. ♪~ ᕕ(ᐛ)ᕗ
  230. ♥‿♥
  231. ༼ つ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ༽つ
  232. ༼ つ ಥ_ಥ ༽つ
  233. (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
  234. ( ͡ᵔ ͜ʖ ͡ᵔ )
  235. ヾ(⌐■_■)ノ♪
  236. ~(˘▾˘~)
  237. ◉_◉
  238. \ (•◡•) /
  239. (~˘▾˘)~
  240. (._.) ( L: ) ( .-. ) ( :L ) (._.)
  241. ༼ʘ̚ل͜ʘ̚༽
  242. ༼ ºل͟º ༼ ºل͟º ༼ ºل͟º ༽ ºل͟º ༽ ºل͟º ༽
  243. ┬┴┬┴┤(・_├┬┴┬┴
  244. ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ
  245. ᕦ(Ò_Óˇ)ᕤ
  246. ┻━┻ ︵ヽ(`Д´)ノ︵ ┻━┻
  247. ⚆ _ ⚆
  248. (•_•) ( •_•)>⌐■-■ (⌐■_■)
  249. (。◕‿‿◕。)
  250. ಥ_ಥ
  251. ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ノ
  252. ⌐╦╦═─
  253. (☞ຈل͜ຈ)☞
  254. ˙ ͜ʟ˙
  255. ☜(˚▽˚)☞
  256. (•Ω•)
  257. (ง°ل͜°)ง
  258. (。◕‿◕。)
  259. (╯°□°)╯︵( .O.)
  260. :')
  261. ┬──┬ ノ( ゜-゜ノ)
  262. (っ˘ڡ˘Σ)
  263. ಠ⌣ಠ
  264. Ლ(´ڡ`Ლ)
  265. (°ロ°)☝
  266. 。◕‿‿◕。
  267. ( ಠ ͜ʖರೃ)
  268. ╚(ಠ_ಠ)=┐
  269. (─‿‿─)
  270. ƪ(˘⌣˘)Ʃ
  271. (;一_一)
  272. (¬_¬)
  273. ( ⚆ _ ⚆ )
  274. (ʘᗩʘ')
  275. ☜(⌒▽⌒)☞
  276. 。◕‿◕。
  277. ¯\(°_O)/¯
  278. (ʘ‿ʘ)
  279. Ლ,ᔑ•ﺪ͟͠•ᔐ.Ლ
  280. (´・Ω・`)
  281. ಠ~ಠ
  282. (° ͡ ͜ ͡ʖ ͡ °)
  283. ┬─┬ノ( º _ ºノ)
  284. (´・Ω・)っ由
  285. ಠ_ಥ
  286. Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ
  287. (>Ლ)
  288. ಠ‿↼
  289. ʘ‿ʘ
  290. (Ღ˘⌣˘Ღ)
  291. ಠOಠ
  292. ರ_ರ
  293. (▰˘◡˘▰)
  294. ◔̯◔
  295. ◔ ⌣ ◔
  296. (✿´‿`)
  297. ¬_¬
  298. ب_ب
  299. 。゜(`Д´)゜。
  300. (Ó Ì_Í)=ÓÒ=(Ì_Í Ò)
  301. °Д°
  302. ( ゚ヮ゚)
  303. ┬─┬ ︵ /(.□. )
  304. ٩◔̯◔۶
  305. ≧☉_☉≦
  306. ☼.☼
  307. ^̮^
  308. (>人<)
  309. 〆(・∀・@)
  310. (~_^)
  311. ^̮^
  312. ^̮^
  313. >_>
  314. (^̮^)
  315. (/) (°,,°) (/)
  316. ^̮^
  317. ^̮^
  318. =U
  319. (・.◤)
submitted by CobaltCrusader123 to copypasta [link] [comments]


2020.07.22 08:25 Baby22JulIntca Huge Me-llon Mil-f Por-n

Huge Me-llon Mil-f Por-n Watch it Here >>>>>>>>>> 🔴►🔴► Play
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2020.07.20 16:49 20JJulbluetooth Spying on sexy neighbor

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2020.07.20 16:38 20JJulchatter Neighbor spying on sexy

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