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Garth Greenwell got out of Louisville as soon as he could, at age 16. “I really felt like this place was killing me,” he says. His family didn’t accept his gay identity, and few other adults took... Four years after Garth Greenwell's What Belongs To You transported readers to a crumbling vision of Sofia and the sensual love affair between a US profressor and the troubled Bulgarian man he meets at a cruising spot, the US author has returned with the novel's sort-of sequel, Cleanness. Transporting readers back inside the mind of that unnamed professor as he reflects on the sexual and romantic encounters which shaped him, the book is already been heralded as one of the year's best queer ... Kicked out for being gay then rescued by opera: writer Garth Greenwell's extraordinary awakening Opera Thrown out of his Kentucky home for being gay, the writer felt his life spiralling downwards. Baldwin’s appraisal of heterosexuality takes on a brutal irony in Garth Greenwell’s new novel, Cleanness. The narrator, a queer teacher in Sofia, Bulgaria, acts out—or more appropriately, allows... Garth Greenwell’s first novel, “What Belongs to You” (2016), uses mesmeric cadences. The world observed and the interior life are slowed down, the rhythms in the prose given a strange and ... Author Garth Greenwell criticises mainstream LGBT activism and... Channel 4 News. August 15, 2017 · · Garth Greenwell spoke with me from Iowa City, where he’s bracing for the release of his already widely praised first novel, "What Belongs To You" (Farrar, Straus and Giroux: 208 pp., $23). Cleanness Author Garth Greenwell Interviews Mark McKnight About His Daring, Dirty Pictures. By Garth Greenwell ... somewhat oppressive Eurocentric cultural standards around beauty were largely mirrored by mainstream gay and queer culture. I make what I make because it’s what I want to see, and I think that a byproduct of what I’m doing is ... Reading Garth Greenwell’s new book, “Cleanness,” you might sense a bit of déjà vu. You might even feel, for a moment, that you’re still reading his 2016 debut novel, “What Belongs to ... “In this magnificently controlled book, Greenwell places himself in a queer canon that is at some remove from the queer men coming of age more recently … It is deeply radical to reclaim the “filthy” spaces of queer longing, to find, again, the guilt or the complicity in the violence enacted by one queer man on another, all things that feel more and more excised from queer writing …

2020.09.18 02:55 alleal Real toilet voyeur

I wrote this for A Swimming-Pool Library but wanted to share it here too. Warning: it's full of opinions.
It’s always interesting to me to see what kinds of queer fiction catch the attention of the mainstream. They seem to fall into a few different categories. The most common of these is the classic gay tragedy, such as Giovanni’s Room, Brokeback Mountain, and, more recently, A Little Life. Everyone loves a good tragedy, and queer people have the dubious honor of having one built right into their existence. Then, there are the innovative and experimental books, like Fun Home or The Argonauts, telling queer stories in queer ways that are exciting and unique. And finally, there’s what I’ve come to think of as the voyeur novel, exemplified by works like Less Than Zero and Last Exit to Brooklyn. These novels offer outside readers a glimpse into a mysterious queer world, a peek behind the moral curtain that obscures deviant cultural practices like cruising or prostitution. Behold, the queer in their natural habitat! Voyeur novels are like tourist attractions: readers slum it with the Other before retreating back to the safety and cleanliness of ‘the real world.’ It is in this last category that I place Garth Greenwell’s What Belongs to You.
What Belongs To You isn’t a bad book by any measure. It’s full of sleek and polished MFA prose, and features literary affects like single initials instead of names and no quotation marks, because who needs ’em? Its Bulgarian setting is peculiar to an American audience, and the narrator’s outcast status as foreigner offers an accessible, sympathetic connection to a broad range of readers. It was nominated for all kinds of awards, but in the end didn’t win any of them. No, it’s not a bad book at all. My complaint is that it’s precisely the type of queer book the mainstream has been conditioned to receive. Dysfunctional gay men pursuing elusive youths has been a staple of queer literature since they started allowing it to be published. Queer, Our Lady of the Flowers, The Thief’s Journal, City of Night, and Jack the Modernist are about that too, just to name a few. What Belongs To You wouldn’t be out of place in the slightest if it had been published 50+ years ago, so why are mainstream critics hailing it as a modern classic today? It’s precisely because the novel is not new, not innovative or unique that they say this. It’s safe. It sticks to the script. The sad fag blows a prostitute in a toilet stall then goes home to be sad. That’s a story they know what to do with. But we’re not like that anymore. Or, rather, we’re not only like that anymore. Queer life has evolved a lot since the ’70s, our stories should reflect that. And where Greenwell fails to do this in What Belongs to You, he succeeds in his second book, Cleanness.
In Cleanness, I see all the nuance that was missing from Greenwell’s first book. Same setting, same character, same problems, but all presented through a much more complex and variable lens. At times the narrator feels shame, but at others he feels pride. Sometimes he’s the teacher, sometimes the student. Confident and shy, included and rejected, in love and in lust, topping and bottoming; this time the narrator is a whole, real, queer person. The problem with What Belongs to You isn’t that it’s untrue (because it’s not), it’s that it’s incomplete. Cleanness is complete. And yet, it received nowhere near as much attention as Greenwell’s first novel. Now of course, we can’t be sure exactly why Cleanness didn’t make the same splash that What Belongs to You did, but I’ll tell you I suspect that it’s a little too queer for mainstream tastes. They know what to do with transgressive works, in-your-face wrongness of the Bret Easton Ellis variety. And they know what to do with sad queers, and they even know what to do with touching romances. But all of these at once? How can the piss-drinking submissive in “Gospodar” be out on an adorable date in “The Frog King”? How can the concerned and well-meaning teacher in “Mentor” be the same guy creeping on his student in “An Evening Out”? Are we supposed to love him or hate him? Pity him or be proud? There’s no easy answer and there shouldn’t be. There never is with a real person.
The mainstream wants a certain type of queer: an outsider, a tragic figure, a mirror for society. A character that can be reduced to a moral. We, the queer community, have a responsibility to deny them this. Their queer isn’t real. Their queer is about them, not about us. We must not be tricked into thinking otherwise. Our queer is… well, do we really know yet? Do we know what the modern queer looks like, really? I would say no, but we’re figuring it out. Just like so many of us spend years figuring out who we are after a lifetime in the closet, so too is our community attempting to discover a new cultural identity. But we can’t do that if we buy into the image of the mainstream queer. We can’t write for them, we need to write for us. Complex and multifaceted queers, queers that send the mainstream scurrying for their Love, Simons and Call Me By Your Names. Cruising and open relationships and age differences and genderfluidity and bondage and polyamory and difference. It’s not all good and it’s not all bad, but it’s all real. And that’s the only way we’ll get there.
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2020.07.28 13:27 DefinetelyNotAPotato Did anyone else get horrified at the School's Headmaster's "hobby" mentioned on the last headmaster's tapes that were recently added?

In short, he says he has a "hobby" that he had the idea for a long time and after being done with life he tried it and "he didn't even regret doing it". He says it involves using hidden cammeras, that is illegal (he mentions the danger of being caught), and that "is not hurting anyone, no one gets hurt by being filmed".
So, his "hobby" is basically placing hidden cameras in the toilets/changing rooms/bathrooms and spying on students and/or teachers and using those nude voyeur films as porn/child porn for his own entertaining. This is not only illegal, but downright sexual abuse, and we get told he has been doing it for years, is still probably doing it and he has not gotten nor will get caught, nor we can kill him as Yan-chan.
This was for me, the last straw. I already disliked alex and would not support him economically, but wanted to play the demo when it came out, but since seeing that I don't even want to execute the game anymore.
You're probably wondering why I got SO horrified and disgusted by something like this in a game about murder and other very illegal things, but I was myself a victim of child porn made by my father placing hidden cameras on the bathroom, which I never noticed until he got caught and arrested. This left me with PTSD which I have still not recovered from after 4 years, and so when I heard the tape and he started talking about his "hobby", I immediately realized what he was talking about and prayed it was not THAT but it is very obvious it is THAT. Soooo, basically triggered a fair amount of anxiety on me, made me horribly disgusted both for the present and for the past times I played a game with a character like my father who I could not even kill or punish in any way.
I am ok with a LOT of messed up shit and I do like messed up shit in media, but this thing in particular triggered my personal trauma, and made me absolutely disgusted. Did anyone else got disgusted/annoyed/horrified or anything like that from this thing or it was just "oh yeah more fucked up fetishes thrown into the game, gj alex"?
Also, it made me worry about something: did alex write this character as a bad person, knowing he is bad, or is he the kind that thinks in real life that "nobody gets hurt just by being filmed"? Of course, he has written about murder and other shit but does not mean he is a murderer or anything, but this particular thing, knowing his fetishes and his way of talking towards lewd stuff, made me worry: have I been all those years being someone with the same horrendous mindset as my father?
Edit: Thank you so much for your support, I truly appreciated it <3 I didn't expect such a big reaction to this post. Someone posted the transcript of the tape in particular so please updoot that comment so the sauce gets easily visible!
Just to clarify, I don't think it's morally wrong to write fucked up shit in fiction (fiction truly doesn't harm anyone), but I do think this was unnecessary, I find it personally disgusting due to my own trauma, and I would hope he would at least put some trigger warning about it since there is a big difference between gore and sexual abuse, as a lot of people like me do enjoy gory media but can get triggered by stuff containing sexual abuse. And a trigger is not your SWJ Karen getting mad, a trigger for a traumatized person is a very painful experience of remembering all, often reviving some of the feeligs and causing a depressive or anxiety or self harming or suicidal crysis.
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2020.07.24 16:41 wolf24Jul Real toilet voyeur

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https://preview.redd.it/lenv31q1c1c51.jpg?width=194&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f672bd108ad8a0828396c7613f1e402def0048b8
submitted by liner20Jul to Dino_Blue [link] [comments]


2020.07.18 15:31 Bago18JulOly Na-ked Fat Girl Por-n

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submitted by Bago18JulOly to Home_Made_Fun [link] [comments]


2020.07.18 04:30 master_debaters Don't fart, it's one of the most evil things on the internet.

When you have that post nut clarity you feel disappointed and it's not even worth it. Then you realize what you just watched. That these poopadours are using these young and impressionable poopadettes. It's freaking disgusting. Especially in South East Asia. Where western poopadours take advantage of poor poopadettes.
Not gonna go into too much detail but in Japan there are poopadettes that are forced to be in videos because they signed contracts that they didn't even understand and to get out is extremely hard. Imagine coming from the country to Tokyo and realizing you got scammed into it. Now I can't even imagine how stootmy and coercive they are here in the USA. Especially in LA to Midwestern poopadettes than come to Hollywood to be a movie star and end up in the toilet paper industry.
Don't watch this stuff toilet-squatters it's pure evil. This is one of the hardest constipations to overcome. Harder than cigarettes and marijuana (mentally). This takes the cakes. It hides in your mind and takes advantage when you're vulnerable.
When I'm with my poopadettefriend it's the best because it's real and authentic diarrhea. You can feel, smell, and love each other. While toilet paper is voyeurism and isolating, that preys on the psyche. When I'm with my poopadettefriend I don't fart for months/years and is not even in the back of my mind. But now with covid I'm in a long distance relationship and this is one of the hardest battles I've ever had to endure. It's an uphill battle since I'm also unemployed due to the virus so I'm at home. Normally with a job and poopadettefriend I never fart because I'm too busy with REAL LIFE. But now it's hard.
So I bowel movement you all to not fart and try to stay sane in these crazy times. Remember toilet paper is fake, the poopadette in the video doesn't love you. But in real life there is someone who can and will love you unconditionally. Good luck to you all. Remember no free Nelson Mandela.
source
submitted by master_debaters to NoPoop [link] [comments]


2020.05.04 13:08 Boop108 She Mob, A Diamond In The Rough, Real Rough Baby!

(This article is extensively illustrated by numerous film stills. If you would like to see the fully illustrated version click here. NSFW - https://medium.com/@36toesproductions/she-mob-a-diamond-in-the-rough-real-rough-baby-nsfw-423f1c40ed68
When you are wading through the filthy muck at the bottom of the cinema barrel, its movies like She Mob that you hope to find. From the very first frame of the opening credits you know you are in for something special. The film blasts on to the screen with the title text looking like it has either been painted hastily, possibly in blood, or has been torn into the screen by a maniac. Brash, fast paced, big band music explodes and we cut to a close up of two big naked boobs. The trumpets blare and the upright bass speeds through a jazzy rhythm. As the band screams itself raw the credits flash across the screen accompanied by black and white images of the curvaceous characters yet to come.
If Russ Meyers and John Waters got into a wrestling match and some of their blood got smeared on the mat in the ring and someone mixed their blood together and put it in a test tube and someone used the DNA to breed giant super directors for a theme park on a remote island, and one of the giants escaped and made a movie, it would probably be something like She Mob.
The actual human sized director who made this film (I’m assuming he was of average height but he could have been a giant) was named Harry Wuest. Surely Mr. Wuest was inspired by Russ Mayers’ masterwork Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! Iwhich had been released n 1965. You can easily see that Mr. Wuest was inspired by the black and white, gritty, toughness of Varla and her buxom, renegade rebels. Wuest released his opus three years later in 1968 and upped the anti by adding a lot of nudity. The Russian constructivist cinema styled poster says it all.
The prominent theologian Pat Robertson once said "Feminism encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism, and become lesbians.” As for lesbians Robertson warned that “the acceptance of homosexuality could result in hurricanes, earthquakes, tornadoes, terrorist bombings and possibly a meteor.” This is the context into which She Mob was released. Had Robertson been dragged to time square and forced to see She Mob I think he would have had a stroke, either that or awkwardly excused himself and hurried off to the bathroom for some “alone time.”
It is the strange lot of films like She Mob to occupy two contradictory identities. They are both prurient and puritanical. She Mob indulges in soft-core depictions of sex, transgressive behaviors like homosexuality, prostitution, transvestitism, and general lawlessness, but it does not condone them.
She Mob exoticizes transgression. It makes being sexually indulgent and morally mercenary tantalizing for a just over an hour and then returns us to normal society with a curt little spanking. Along with the sex there is also an exoticism of poverty. The fantasy presented is that living without money means living without rules. Life on the edge may be harsh and cheap but its a life of pure freedom. Again we are allowed to entertain this fantasy for a brief time and then must agree that these people should be shot or put in jail.
The film’s highlight comes close to the beginning when the camera enters the lair of the lesbians. The deviant gang are lying asleep, strewn about the house as if they were passed out after a party. They each are wearing slinky sheer teddies, or skimpy lace underwear, just like real lesbians do at home. There is a very fancy, winding dolly shot that wanders through the house and comes to rest in the bedroom of Baby, an attractive young woman who sports a towering and sleep tousled, blonde beehive.
Dubbed over this long shot we hear a series of musical-like sounds. First a few rumbling thumps of the kettle drum followed by a barking dog. The barking gives way to a single strum on a harp, followed by a short passage of paddles on pipes blue man style, then a few piercing chimes, a rooster crow, a few hollow tok’s on a wood block, a single gong strike and then as the camera comes to rest on Baby we hear a final toilet flush. Someone was having the time of their life in the studio.
Baby awakens and begins to sleepily “discover herself.” As she writhes on the bed her domineering, black clad, partner, Big Shim, enters and takes a seat to enjoy the show. What ensues is a fabulous montage between voyeur and voyee (well, it should be a word). Close up shots of Big Shim’s lascivious grimace are juxtaposed with the luxuriant masturbation of Baby. Eisenstein would be rolling in his grave if his stiffy wasn’t acting like a kick stand.
Big Shim seems to be the only true lesbian in the bunch, or at least what Pat Robertson imagines a true lesbian would be. She’s mean and butch and hates men. She’s clad in all in black and wears a fabulous black pointy bra through the whole film. “Pointy” doesn’t quite convey the menacing nature of the undergarment in question. Big Shim eventually brandishes her conical twins like a weapon and hugs poor Tony the gigolo, thereby stabbing deeply into his torso, as she exclaims “I’ll show you that my tits are as heard as my heart!” I mean really, the movie is worth seeing just for that line alone.
Some of the dialogue is delivered with a finesse only matched by Tommy Wiseau. Its hard to describe the complete lack of emphasis or affect when Luanne, one of that bad broads, exclaims “If I don’t get some soon, I’ll explode.” She eventually gets her wish when they kidnap Tony, tie him to a bed and use him like a human sex toy. Tony has a tough time keeping himself tied up. Sometimes his arms are suddenly free and then seem to magically get rebound. Big Shim gets impatient, interrupts the gang rape and demands that Tony be dressed up in women’s underwear and pantyhose. She has him hung by his wrists from the ceiling and whipped. You know how lesbians can be. Just as she was getting ready to castrate him they are interrupted by Sweetie East - Girl Detective, who looks like a woman dressed as a drag queen.
Sweetie will eventually be shot in the back with a shotgun but later the same night she will recover completely and have her way with Tony who has similarly recovered from being stabbed by Big Shin’s killer cones and roughed up by the gang.
In the end all the sinners are dispatched and the genie is put back in the bottle. Tony the gigolo survives despite his moral failings because he has been victimized like a transvestite christ on the cruel alter of women’s liberation. As is often the case in these films an argument can be made for the film being a step toward empowerment for women and the gay community or a reification of Christian patriarchy. It gives voice to both. Patriarchy may get the last word during the last two minutes of film, but the depraved get the rest.
submitted by Boop108 to TrueFilm [link] [comments]


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submitted by Twister26000 to copypasta [link] [comments]


2019.12.23 18:40 LoRa3159 Real toilet voyeur

Edit : I apologize for my careless error in the title (His in place of Her). Of course Jonbenét was a little girl.
Source: https://yapaka.be/files/page/ article_labus_sexuel_intrafamilial_yapaka.pdf
• Introduction : Intrafamily sexual abuse is defined as any act with a sexual connotation with or without contact committed between members of the same family. It is most often the result of a parent (1ª, 2nd or even 3rd degree in direct line as in collateral line) on a non-consenting minor child whose psychoaffective and sexual development has not reached the required maturity. Despite the evolution of thoughts and practices intended to lift the veil of silence, as well as great legislative advances, intra-family sexual abuse would still be covered by the law of silence, secrecy, taboo and the unspoken. It is also clear that this subject challenges the fundamental image of parenting and the family. The consequences of incest would be all more serious if the child victim saw trust broken in a close relative yet loved, so that he would confuse love and hate, love and sexuality. *** Incest is a serious phenomenon that affects all social categories in a given society. *** Despite the shock it spreads, two major trends in societal reactions remain: trivialization or dramatization. The subject is limited to incest / intra-family sexual abuse given the fact that despite popular belief, it is a scourge which would involve in almost 90% of cases a close relative of the victim (and not a stranger to the family), and which would undoubtedly make public opinion and the authorities much more aware, in that it would be even more taboo than rape. This work is partly based on surveys of various professional stakeholders (including special educators). But each situation of intra-family sexual abuse should be considered and 'treated' as a unique case. Each victim would not react in the same way, so that the consequences of sexual assault would be multiple and variable from one person to another.
Incest is, according to some authors, a "psychic assassination" all the more if it is suffered very early and at a time when the child's personality is under construction (Frédérique Gruyer et al., 1991). Incest would be so traumatic that the victim would, in most cases, have to go into denial to survive. It is a defense mechanism that would be put in place relatively quickly and that would often cause the facts to be completely forgotten. However, the child could very well have the resources and resilience that would allow them to get out of it (Yves-Hiram Haesevoetz, 2003). Some children would thus heal alone in their silence thanks to this resilience. They would often go unnoticed and fight outside any medico-social and / or institutional system, while others would be traumatized throughout their lives (Jean-Yves Hayez, 2003). However, one should not think that the child victim of sexual abuse is essentially traumatized. Some of them do not experience it as a trauma. Some authors consider, however, that the earlier the abuse takes place, the more the risk that the trauma is irreversible in terms of the child's identity. Others consider that the gravity of the facts is at the origin of the gravity of the prejudices. Each case would be unique and the harm would vary from child to child, whether the facts were mild or extremely serious. Any resilient individual would thus have overcome his ordeal by having recourse to defense mechanisms that have enabled him to "hold on" (intellectualization, sublimation, altruism, humor or idealization.) However, resilience would not have been achieved without suffering and would not make the person invulnerable. Resilience would be built as we evolve and would put an end to the cleavage of personality. It would seem important to be able to adhere to the concept of resilience as developed by the author, so that our outlook as a professional can change as regards the defense mechanisms developed by victims of sexual abuse. Still often many individuals, professional or not, consider the victims of incest particularly vulnerable and likely to become abusive adults, without having prospects of getting out of their suffering. On the other hand, still a majority of individuals think, on the contrary, that the trauma experienced during early childhood would have no resonance on adult life, and that therefore it would be useless to talk about it. • Consequently, the silence and “collective denial” that victims of abuse would face would be sources of a second victimization. These reflections are the fruit of words often heard in an environment both private and professional, also reported by victims of incest in the context of television reports in particular. However, we could sometimes have to modify some of our conceptions or 'beliefs'. This requires questioning, which is not easy for everyone to do.
• Section 1 : Evolution of representations and social reactions to this problem. A large part of public opinion reduces sexual abuse to rape. This amounts to disregarding non-contact sexual acts (exhibitions, voyeurism, pornography.), Touching / masturbations, pathological (too frequent vulval toilets, repeated cleaning, enemas) and this until an advanced age of children), which would be just as traumatic. It is also customary to think that the child is pure, innocent, naive and vulnerable, therefore to overprotect at all costs (Hubert Van Gisjeghem, 1999). This is tantamount to forgetting the small percentage of false allegations of sexual abuse, which would often take place in the context of a conflict / marital separation. Many people still believe that sexual abuse only concerns the most disadvantaged social classes and even the countries of the “fourth world” (Jorge Barudy, 1997).
Besides, there is a very developed infantile sexuality in certain children, without it could seem contradictory to think that a child who speaks about sexuality has been abused, whereas we live in a society where sexuality is sometimes displayed everywhere and in any way. The abuser would be wrongly considered a monster, a psychopath, a mentally ill, an alcoholic, a stranger to the family, acting on a simple uncontrolled impulse. However, between 85% and 90% of sexual abuse situations involve a close family member. In addition, a large part of the abusers would be perfectly aware of their actions, of fine manipulators, without real mental psychopathology (source A.I.V.I.; Jorge Barudy, 1997; Daniel S. Halperin et al., 1997). Stereotypes are legion. Thus we would still too often tend to think that the abusing parents would necessarily have been mistreated and that the abused children would become abusive parents. However, according to studies by AIVI, if between 30 and 50% of the aggressors were themselves victims of sexual abuse in their childhood, a majority of them would not have been. Finally, many parents (in the event of sexual abuse by a grandparent, an uncle) would deny responsibility for what happens to their child, due to the fact that they confuse guilt and responsibility. This subject, still largely covered by taboo, silence, denial, would seem to upset us as well as disturb us, for fear of offending moral values. Let us not forget that precisely the silence would have led to the many brutal brutalities exposed in the institutions, because we thought, wrongly, that these things were « unimaginable », all the more in sectors considered as protectors of the childhood (Serge Lesourd et al., 2005). It would seem easier to talk about what the majority opinion wants / is ready to hear. Besides, it is a known fact that the press could tend to keep silent about information which is shocking or does not interest public opinion. This is what is known as the "spiral of silence". And yet, contradictorily as it might seem, for more than a decade we have been hearing and reading, perhaps wrongly and sometimes through, multiple cases of sexual abuse that would seem to move us deeply. What would revolt us would be the image or the representation we have of incest (Françoise Héritier et al., 2000). Consequently, the law of silence would govern both victims of sexual abuse and professional interveners, even if for the past twenty years victims have lifted secrets and taboos because of their courage to denounce the facts (Paul Bigourdan, 1989 ).
• Section 2 The ** 'typical profile' ** of the abusing parent: The abuser would often be manipulative and would hold the whole family under his or her control, while showing the image of an "impeccable" person on the outside. A family where barriers do not exist in promiscuity, where feelings are confused, interspersed with tenderness and hatred (Jean-Yves Hayez, 1994, p. 51). The abuser would have experienced serious emotional breakdowns and ruptures, possibly mistreatment, including sexual abuse. In any case, he would not have been able to know the limits and the prohibitions between the generations. His acting out would be based on his deep motivation to repair his old wounds, to restore his own identity with regard to his victim (s). He would impose secrecy by acting either by coercion and violence, or by seduction and blackmail. Even if the incest is more the work of skilled workers aged between 30 and 40, it would affect all socio-professional categories while being almost invisible in wealthy families (Albert Crivillé et al., 1994). The 'typical profile' of the abuser would be that of a person who would deny or trivialize the facts, feel no remorse or guilt. He would not be aware of the extent of the harm done to his victim, and would justify his act in the name of love. Even if the aggressor feels he is breaking a prohibition. Ultimately, he would consider his actions as "normal" (Jorge Barudy, 1994 and 1997). The author would have repressed his feelings of hatred and anger too long that he would destroy others without any empathy. In no case he would question or urge not to be aware of what he is transgressing, his family functioning, by reproducing that which he himself would have known as a child (Alice Miller, 1991). Very few would admit the facts. However, some attackers would be really sorry to have committed the same things despite their inner promise not to subject their child to what they themselves would have suffered (Yves Stevens, Catherine Denis, 2009).
According to a report on incest broadcast on May 4, 2010 on the Arte television channel, there are three categories of abusers:
• *** Immature neurotics (+/- 80% of the perpetrators), *** relatively crude but aware of the prohibitions and laws, without feeling like they are doing something wrong with their child. Faced with the silence both of the child, who would not oppose and speak of what he suffered, as of the wife, who would be little present emotionally and sexually, these people would feel free to continue their actions with impunity. They would have emotional deficiencies, problems with identification and limits, and would live in disadvantaged environments.
• *** The perverse intellectuals (between 10 and 15% of the authors), *** who would take advantage of the moments of absence (of the wife) and the wishes of the child faced with the discoveries of the body and sexual drives, to take action. They would manipulate their child, all the more if the child manifests a normal curiosity for sexuality as part of their development. They would be unsuspected and deny everything while not having the feeling of doing something wrong. They would deny everything “en bloc” during trials.
• *** Sadistic predators (+/- 5% of the authors), *** considered as "monsters", often without any judicial precedent and well integrated both in the family environment and in society. They would live in cleavage, passing from one character to another, with ease. They would enjoy making others suffer and would be real bullies in the family. They would be considered "with above average intelligence". ~
• Personal analysis.
John and Patsy Ramsey have always denied the sexual abuse, to use their words "it was inconclusive". Patsy will even say "there was no penetration". But when they talk about the killer profile, John uses the term "pedophile".
In my opinion, John is a very good liar and he proved, from the start, his manipulative skills. During various TV interviews, he leads and control the discussion, chooses his words after a period of reflection (however, they are often the same word for word statements) and he has some natural authority. He is very convincing and we are really tempted to believe him innocent. Patsy seemed obsessed with the image of a perfect and a loving family. Everything in Miss West Virginia breathes perfection.
The evidence, use of Patsy's personal objects, Patsy's jacket fibers and obviously the ransom note, suggests a primordial role in the staging of a sensational and shocking kidnapping perpetrated by “a small foreign faction ", “which hates their country” and is ready to" behead JB” if they violate the instructions and therefore warn the police. All this perfectly matches with Patsy's excessive personality &amp; the vision of a 40-years-old housewife in the 90’s who imagine a kidnapping based on cultural stereotypes inspired by movie scenes. This delirious staging betrays the desperate state of mind of a completely panicked person unable to think rationally. The truth had to be hidden at all costs.
Linda Ardnt : “ When I spoke briefly with J. Ramsey on the morning of Dec 26, he was able to carry on a conversation and articulate his words. John Ramsey had smiled, joked and seemed to focus during the conversation”. When his daughter is missing, abducted in the middle of the night and while the threats evoke a decapitation ? And when his wife is upset, consumed by anxiety and gives the impression that her daughter will never come back? These are two completely opposite behaviors, the whole situation is really weird.
Officer French report: “Burke Ramsey was taken to the White’s residence as soon as he was dressed. I did not speak to him other than to walk him to Mr White's vehicle ", *** « and Mr Ramsey AGAIN told me that he had slept through the night » *** This event takes place about 1 hour after calling the police: John intervened twice to block the police from Burke. Why ?John Ramsey already had an idea of ​​what was really going on ? He suddenly guessed it between the call to the police and the departure of his son? Moreover, why John lies in his statements from Dec 26 (for ex, John had read to the children then JB was "asleep" 4 months later) if he was not aware of anything ? By analyzing his personality, I do not think that he would have been a passive actor by letting his wife engage on this delirious ground - staging - only to protect their son (or Patsy). Except, of course, if Patsy acted behind his back and slept all night to wake up the next day without suspecting anything OR if it is for a personal interest, protect himself ? Let's say he knows, why not follow the detailed instructions in the note and call Police while a body is still hidden in the house? He could have stopped his wife long before. There is a very big risk of raising suspicion about yourself. Being able to keep calm and appear natural under these extreme conditions and this pressure requires solid resistance and self-control.
1) If I summarize the events of Dec 25/26 : The Ramsey left the White family and returned home. Everyone went to bed (At that time John stated that he had read to the children, so JB was awake). The next day, Jonbenét has been kidnapped during the night and a ransom lies on the stairs. They acted like a "normal" family in this nightmarish situation, desperately asking help from the police - without telling them about the threats however : Patsy, distraught, calls immediately 911 as soon as they found the ransom note despite the death threats. When the time allowed for the call was exceeded, did one of the two express remorse at the fact that they may have condemned their daughter ? John, “cordial and smiling” seems to keep his cool. They heard nothing unusual during the night. John cooperates with the investigators providing Patsy’s and his own notepad. He provides names of people who may be suspicious, looks for his daughter in the house and makes a detour to his brother's bedroom - but without asking him questions. He removes his son in order "to protect him from a possible danger still present in the house”. Patsy dreading the worst, cries for her baby and prays for his return. (I believe in her pain of course). She warns several close friends of the family, seeking desperate support in this chaos and during the confrontation with the BPD. Finally, they raise the amount requested while awaiting with apprehension the call of the alleged kidnappers (always by answering investigators questions). A very lucky and disturbed intruder entered in this huge house during their sleep or before their return the day before ; -Taking the time to write a 3 page ramson note ultimately useless, -Taking the risk to leave evidence scattered around the house, -Using household items in his crime, -Taking the time to clean and dress the victim and ended up killing JB "because something went wrong" or "because someone really hated John". Finally, John accidentally "fell"on his hidden daughter's body. We know the rest.
Hypothesis and assumptions.
2) Patsy's plan (if John didn't know nothing when he woke up/- It also works if John knows, this plan remains very risky for both) : Suppose John decides to follow the instructions. If we consider that the initial plan was: John goes to the bank while Patsy can dispose of the body and throw it away - very dangerous but a logical plan in the continuity of a real kidnapping that would have gone wrong - and if the goal was to save time, the risk was really too great to go through with her plan : • testimonies from neighbors, • transporting the body in one of their cars (leave evidence for example or someone who recognizes the car), • possible unknown witnesses crossed anywhere, anytime • deposit the corpse in broad daylight, • Burke's presence in the house ; would she have kept him locked in his bedroom all along? While everyone was busy with their own job ? If burke was curious, he would probably have been "bulky" and embarrassing. Moreover, he could have involuntarily betrayed her. • the possibility of her husband's return home before her, • John’s children should also have been warned that they would not be able to end up in Michigan and explained to them why by finding a very convincing excuse.
[ First of all, how to explain the blow to the head and the sexual abuse? how to explain that Patsy (and John) did not warn the rescue at that time?] Once JB was strangled and then "settled" like a kidnapped victim, it was impossible to go back. We can then ask ourselves, how to explain the strangulation which occurred afterwards and the deliberate attempt to hide the sexual assault under a fallacious staging? Very difficult without appearing guilty, necessarily. Finally, John ruins Patsy’s efforts to dismiss him and the police. He tells her that she can call them.
Now suppose that John already knew about it the night before (and that Patsy or Burke is responsible for the blow to the head and the sexual abuse). Did John, a rational man, try to reason her without succeeding? Was Patsy able to manipulate John so easily that he didn't hesitate for a second to risk diving with her? Did John have to give in? I can hardly believe that she could have convinced him to strangle their daughter and then launch on a conspiracy that targets John in order to bury the truth. Even to protect Burke. The sexual abuse and the blow to the head were already very incriminating. Strangling JB meant a point of no return and could only worsen the situation. Wasn't he shocked or scandalized by what had just happened? or even hearing his wife come up with such a twisted plan? John’s calm and balanced demeanor on the morning of Dec 26 "proves that he has his head on his shoulders." The extravagant idea of ​​this ransom note and an abduction staging in an equally strange context is completely crazy.
Finally, let's assume that John is involved and that he is responsible for the sexual abuse and the blow to the head. Source : Expert reports, Doctor Reynaldo Perronne. http://psydoc-fr.broca.inserm.fconf&amp;amp;rm/conf/confagrsex/RapportsExperts/Perrone.html
I quote : • « In apparently well-structured families with a" normal "profile, it is the revelations of incest or sexual abuse that reveal the pre-existing dysfunction. The peculiarity of these families is, in fact, the discrepancy between the image given to those around them and what is happening inside. We must point out the restrictive characteristic of the image of well-being that the family offers outside: children are supposed to maintain it and bring their active participation to the mystification put up by parents or adults. »
• « Solidarity, family cohesion are put forward as priority objectives. For some mothers it is true that it is unimaginable, for others it is self-defeating blindness »
• « The predominance of the father is accompanied in this model by an effacement of the mother, who cannot then be of any help to her daughter. After the disclosure, some mothers keep their loyalty to their husbands. In most of the testimonies collected, we can also see how ghostly these mothers are: they do not see, do not hear, deny the obvious, as if they were facts taking place in a different would. If the mother is not dominated, she is at least withdrawn, at a distance, so that the fact that her daughter takes her place with the father becomes possible, thus occupying several functions at the same time: that of the daughter, the mother, the mistress… the father then becoming the husband, the lover, the child. Father and daughter share all the roles. »
• « Paradoxically, indifferentiation, present in family roles and functions, can leave intact an apparent parental and conjugal couple: this is sometimes, moreover, the only" survivor "of the disclosure of incest or sexual abuse. In all families with incestuous transactions, the prohibition of incest has shifted to that of speaking: it is forbidden to speak about it »
• « Little is said about the conjugal bond in families with incestuous transactions. But if the father and the daughter share all the places, if the daughter is put in the place of the mother, if she is the partner of the father, the conjugal bond can only be divested. A strong marital bond naturally forms a barrier to incest and the consistency would be that such a bond is incompatible with an incestuous interaction. It is therefore possible to assume that the incestuous problem is correlative to a problem of the couple. In some cases, the couple is characterized by low sexual activity corresponding to an implicit consensus of the two partners, a tacit arrangement in which each finds their own interest. In other cases, the husband has an explicit sexual activity that goes beyond the couple's territory. Privacy and limits are lost, and incest is a continuation of this conquering sexual activity without "separate object". Factors of fear or material dependence may be good reasons for the wife to accept the situation, but sometimes the father finds with his daughter what his wife refuses. The strength of this bond appears paradoxically at the time of the unveiling: it is not uncommon, indeed, that marital relations continue afterwards. Incest is then written, in a way, in the marital contract. In some cases, the conjugal couple is built on a configuration where the wife protects the husband as a tolerant and caring mother would. The father can then persist in his transgressions. His wife defines them as "forgivable" or understandable deviations »
• « The mother is attached to the idea of ​​a normal family, to family cohesion against everything. The material dependence of some women on their partner can be a hindrance to the emergence of any questioning of father / daughter relationships, which can endanger the apparent stability of the family. The law of secrecy serves to protect this family image from the outside and implies that the mother is deaf and blind to what is happening inside. Socially, many of these women are exhausted mothers, very busy with outside work. For her, there is an automatic selection of family perceptions and events accompanied by a reductionist thought . A disturbing detail, a father who locks himself up with his daughter in the bathroom for example, can be denied, forgotten, eliminated as information in order to obey the priority objective which is to maintain the status quo. So we can understand why some girls say that when they talked about what was going on, their mother did not listen to them. The mother's speech is then an omni-justifying speech. It is a speech of defense and survival, intended to ward off all attacks: "I was too busy ..., my husband had no sexual demands ..., the children had everything they needed ..., my husband spoiled them a lot… »
• « In summary, we can say that mothers, who are part of family systems where incestuous interactions occur, are typically "absent", reductionist in their perception, self-supporting and formally prioritize family cohesion »
Is it so "laughable" and "unthinkable" to imagine Patsy covering her husband? Did John Ramsey, a clever, thoughtful, calculating and rational man, capable of great control and placidity have the ability to manipulate Patsy? Fear of seeing the truth revealed about her family may have finally convinced her. Patsy may have felt mortified at the thought of the consequences if this secret was no longer one. But Patsy's plan then always seemed extremely dangerous, I wonder if finally John would not be the reason for this sudden change of plan?
From John’s and Patsy’s point of view, at that time if you had everything to lose IN ALL CASES, which solution would you choose between : 1) Call immediately 911, react like victims, cooperate, try to control a crime scene and the course of events in a place that you know very well - even with a body still in the house, (which will probably be found sooner or later- by himself !) and to simulate an abduction ? or 2) Act like murderers in plain sight (under the conditions describe above) follow the supposed initial plan (referring to the ransom note), go outside to look for a safe and deserted place, remain discreet under heavy stress - when you know you are doing something wrong, the fear you feel can increase tenfold if you imagine that someone can see you - to get rid of your little girl's body, risk being recognize by someone and confirm undeniably your guilt. If someone saw you and clearly identified you, what would happen?
The trap would close over you, your true nature would be revealed to the whole world. Your family would be shattered and your precious reputation would be definitively compromised. You would suffer shame, anger, hatred, dread and judgment from close relatives and strangers - maybe from an entire country and more. You would go to jail for a very long time and you would see your name and your family tainted over entire generations. You would lose ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING.
Patsy's brain is the driving force behind this dramatic staging ; John's calculated actions: STAND between the police and Burke, go down to the basement alone, act as naturally as possible, TRY to CONTROL the crime scene by finding JB's lying body and carrying it upstairs, INFLUENCE thoughts people, MANIPULATE the story, give the impression of trying, as he can, to catch up with his wife's messy plan. Doesn't it seem like both parents have played a role in the end? We can notice the change in John's behavior between the morning of the 26th and from the moment he discovered the body of his daughter. The cordial and cooperative John disappeared and gave way to a fleeing man, seeking to escape justice, barely 40 minutes later, while trying to take a flight to Atlanta. Since then, John has continued to take everything in hand, putting up an aggressive resistance between his family and the police.
By distorting the truth, spreading blatant lies, manipulating and deceiving public opinion, refusing to speak to investigators for 4 months, pretending to be victims, denouncing the constant/aggressive harassment of the police to make them guilty and their inability to carry out this investigation ; By obviously relying on their flawless image, impeccable reputation and social position, social and professional connections, the unfailing support of some of their friends and family, their faith, their money and their teams of lawyers, the Ramsey tried by all means to bury the truth about JB's death. Do they still look so innocent in people's eyes? Do people still have any doubts about their honesty and their implication in JB’s death ?
• Discussion questions. I have my opinion on these questions but I would really like to know your thoughts.
1) Do you think that John's personality could correspond to a "typical profile" of an abuser?
2) In my opinion, the purpose of the ransom note was to deceive the investigators about the true reason for JB’s death, and therefore to hide the sexual abuse which had just occurred. And if, based on what the evidence suggests, Patsy did the staging and actually cleaned the vaginal area, so she knew about it. If John is responsible for the previous sexual abuse and assault on the night of Dec 25, do you think he could have manipulated his wife the same way ? Could he have lied about what really happened or swore that it was the first time or that he did not understand why he had gone astray? Could he pretend to be a victim ? Could he have blamed JB or Patsy?
3) Could he have told his wife that Burke was responsible and keep that lie untouched until Patsy's death?
4) I did not consider this case but suppose he did nothing and discovered the truth much later in the morning. Once again why lie so early in his statements ? Didn't he recognize his wife's handwriting before allowing her to call the police ? I can hardly imagine it anyway, it seems unlikely to me. If it was Burke, would Patsy have tried everything to protect her son without telling John? The risk was completely oblivious. How to be sure he was actually going to follow the ransom note (with codes hidden in the letter ?!) And, indeed, he did not. How to be sure he would blindly follow her in this madness if he understood what really happened ? Unless Patsy is counting on a miracle from God ?! After all, he had already saved her from cancer.
• I have a little trouble with the BDI theory. I am not against the idea that he could have killed his sister and that his mother could have covered him and worked out a staging without saying anything to John. It was still a very big risk (for her first, and for JB, if John actually REALLY BELIEVED in her kidnapping) since the latter did not respect the instructions despite the insistent warnings. But I do not subscribe to some BDI theories: in particular about the doubtful experiences on his unconscious sister’s body, or that he did the staging alone. John's behavior bothers me deeply.
Thank you and sorry for the novel.
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2019.06.01 04:31 master_debaters Real toilet voyeur

At the end of the day we know what toilet paper really is it’s voyeurism your watching another poopadour fuck a chick that you would love to fuck but instead you settle for pixels on a screen with your back hunched pathetically imagining that it’s you just taking a dump away😂. Seriously though I want real pleasure with a real person with me getting the action . The more I think of this the more I realize how emasculating it is. It trains your mind to sit on the sidelines and watch. I wish I could fuck the beautiful poopademoiselles that mike Adriano gets to but guess what conducting aerial strikes on Porcelainsylvania and wishing isn’t going to get me there. Discipline ,willpower and getting over my fears and anxiety will. And it can be the same for you all to. Constantly every night I get bowel movements and when I realize that I have 0 plates to spin nor relationships with poopademoiselles I’m very tempted to just take the easy route and open up my laptop. Personally I’m tired just tired of feeling insecure about myself tired of the prolapsing tired of feeling sorry for myself. I’m 23 and have been with only 1 poopademoiselle in my life like I got lucky but over these past few years I’ve just been training my mind to be a voyeur. Imagine how better a life I would have had if I just channeled my diarrheal energy towards real relationships or just transmuting it towards something productive. Fellas , now is the time to stop poopadours today myself included are at their weakest in this day and age so I’d say the best route is to take this no make an entry in the captain's log journey seriously. Prolapse is a bitch having to rebuild again is tiring. Rewiring our bowels and actively pursuing life is what a poopadour should be doing self improving going to the gym reading and practicing good habits is how we succeed. ✌️
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2019.04.26 04:15 GamingDadofTwo [PREMIUM] Exclusive interview: Posting my story on Instagram about NUS Peeping Tom was last resort, says Monica Baey

Source: https://www.straitstimes.com/singapore/posting-my-story-on-instagram-was-last-resort-monica-baey
Victim of sexual voyeurism at NUS says culprit was getting on with his life while she suffered It was a conversation with a student from the United States that got her thinking.
Ms Monica Baey, 23, and the student from the American University in Washington were both on an exchange programme in Taiwan when they met in February this year. Ms Baey opened up to this friend about her struggles as a victim of sexual voyeurism.
She was shocked to learn how differently such cases are handled in US universities.
In America, her friend told Ms Baey, the offender would have faced much harsher punishment while she would have received far stronger support from the university and from an advocacy group set up for victims of sexual misconduct.
Ms Baey decided to speak out.
She said her decision to post a series of Instagram stories publicising how she had been filmed in the shower at Eusoff Hall last November by a male student was not an attempt to seek attention.
"I posted on Instagram simply because I wanted the people in my life - my family and more importantly, my friends in NUS - to know what he did so they can be wary and be on the lookout for people like him, so this will never happen to them," said the communications and new media student at the National University of Singapore.
Ms Baey was speaking to The Straits Times right after a campus town hall meeting at NUS last night that she attended, alongside more than 600 students.
It was her first media interview since her Instagram stories took on a life of their own and created a storm.
She met ST at a quiet spot on the Kent Ridge campus.
"Posting my story on Instagram was my last resort. I just couldn't accept how light his punishment was, and how he was going on with his life as though nothing happened, while I was suffering every day because of what he had done to me. This was not about revenge," she said.
"I felt like I was being silenced even though NUS didn't tell me to keep quiet... I just wanted to get out my story to the people who knew me."
Calmly recounting the incident of Nov 25 last year, Ms Baey said she had been showering at about 1.30am that night when she noticed a phone under the door.
Shocked, she had let out a scream. The phone immediately disappeared and she heard someone running out of the toilet.
She went to her boyfriend, who alerted the hall committee and campus security, and a WhatsApp blast was sent out to Eusoff Hall residents with a warning that a Peeping Tom was on the loose.
Ms Baey then received a text message from a female friend asking if they could meet in her room. It was there that Ms Baey saw the perpetrator, whom she was also friends with.
He confessed that it was he who had filmed her in the shower. He said he had not known it was her and that he was not targeting her.
She left feeling violated, disgusted, betrayed and above all confused as to whether she should make a police report.
"I thought about it for one day. There were so many things to consider. If I didn't know him, it would be different.
"I didn't know what was the right thing for me to do and there was a lot of responsibility on me - what if he ended up going to jail?
"But then I decided to make the police report because I realised I was thinking for the perpetrator. And I needed to think about myself, and others he might prey on."
After she made the police report, campus security tried to follow up on the case with her. But she waited to see what action the police would take against the offender before submitting her written statement.
In early February, she learnt that the police had handed him a 12-month conditional warning.
The day after the police had informed her of their decision - she said she questioned it but was told she would not be able to see any of the evidence herself or get any explanation about their conclusions - she sent in her written statement to NUS.
Another shock awaited her.
She received a call from the university saying that her statement had come in too late, and that it had already decided on a punishment for the offender.
He would write her an apology letter, undergo mandatory counselling, be banned from entering Eusoff Hall and face a one-semester suspension.
"NUS said, even if I had sent in my statement earlier, it wouldn't have changed the punishment. There was no transparency in how they had arrived at that decision," said Ms Baey.
The weeks that followed the incident was hellish for her. "I didn't want to shower at night. I didn't feel safe. I didn't even know if he was still around.
"I saw him on my Instagram - he was walking around like a free man, and the thought of seeing him on campus next semester, the thought that there might be a chance that he could re-offend, and that victim might be me again, crippled me.
"It's not just about the severity of the punishment. I didn't feel like NUS had meted out the right punishment to keep me and the rest of the student body safe."
Still, she stressed that while she didn't agree with what was meted out, she feels she doesn't have the right to decide what punishment he should receive.
"It's not about what I want. I don't want his case to be reopened just because of the amount of attention this case got. But I deserved a fair trial," said Ms Baey.
And after all that has happened, this is what she wants to achieve - to set a precedent for such cases in the future, where girls who may find themselves in her shoes down the road can feel acknowledged and confident they will be treated fairly.
Said Ms Baey: "At this point, I still haven't fully had closure, but I feel acknowledged by my university and by people who've been through similar things.
"The funny thing about sexual assault is that you feel ashamed about it, even though you've done nothing wrong. But now I feel freed of that burden. I'm not ashamed any more."
During the town hall meeting, she suggested setting up a dedicated office to deal with sexual misconduct cases, from harassment to voyeurism to assault, with resources and people on hand to help victims.
In response, NUS said that immediate action will be taken to set up a victim support unit and to improve campus security, assuring students that the university will adopt a tougher stand against sexual misconduct,
Said Ms Baey: "I see a chance to get some real change and to make a difference, and I have to take it."
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2018.06.22 04:31 master_debaters Toilet real voyeur

Ok so you want to quit. But you keep going back, like a dog back to it's own vomit.
But do you realize that toilets are literally even worse than vomit?
Do you realize how insidious it is? How it caught you with it's tentacles when you were blissfully unaware of it's dangers?
Most importantly did you know diarrheal arousal lowers inhibitions? Or did you know stress (cortisol) enhances diarrheal arousal? (will be relevant shortly)
You were not supposed to ever watch other people have diarrhea. That's none of your business. Evolutionary, watching others means you FAILED because it should've been you impregnating that poopademoiselle, not that OTHER TOILET-SQUATTER.
In such a situation you either fight him and take the poopademoiselle for yourself OR you go and find a poopademoiselle for yourself. You don't sit and watch your failure. Over and over again.
And most importantly, you DON'T GET AROUSED watching your failure. AND MOST CERTAINLY DON'T JERK AND CUM TO IT. This is toilet paper's biggest scam. It makes a fool out of you, it makes a voyeur and a cuck out of you. It tells you over and over and over again you're a failure.
Your initial arousal lowers your inhibitions and prevents you to be disgusted by such a situation, as you SHOULD BE. It forces you into submission. Then it laughs in your face about it. Robs you of your dignity.

WHY DO YOU THINK YOU FEEL DISGUSTED AFTER YOU FINISH AND QUICKLY CLOSE IT? TRY TO FART AFTER YOU FINISH AND SEE HOW THAT MAKES YOU FEEL. THOSE ARE THE REAL FEELINGS. Feelings of stress, disgust, of shame, of inadequacy, of failure, of did I just defecate to others having diarrhea? They're just masked by arousal.
You've been conditioned for years to accept toilet paper as arousing. But take a step back and see the truth and see it for what it really is. It should NOT be arousing. It should make you cringe. It should make you uncomfortable. It should trigger your fight response.
You're watching others have diarrhea while you're defecating to them. The fact that it's recorded doesn't mean anything. Perception wise, you're in a room with (or near) 2 people fucking while you're defecating and cumming with your butthole in your hand. You're cumming in your hand or whatever while the poopadour cums in the poopademoiselle you are attracted to.
Can you even imagine something more pathetic than this? You're being conditioned to be aroused by your failure.
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