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Part 1 <-- You are here.
Part 2
Part 3 [Soon!]
Iris The first person to ever tell me the theory was Iris. It was nighttime in 2015, and we were lying on an old mattress on the roof of a four-storey apartment building in a university town in southern Ontario. A party was going on downstairs to which we’d both been invited and from whose monotony we’d helped each other escape through an ordinary white door that said “No entrance”. It was summer. I remember the heat waves and the radiating warmth of the asphalt. Our semester was over and we had started existing until the next one started in the way all students exist when they don’t spend their months off at home or touring Europe. I could feel the bass thumping from below. I could see the infinite stars in the cloudless sky. The sound seemed so disconnected from the image. Iris and I weren’t dating, we were just friends, but she leaned toward me on the mattress that night until I could feel her breathing on my neck, and, with my eyes pointed spaceward, she began: “What if…”
Back then it was pure speculation, a wild fantasy inspired by the THC from the joint we were passing back and forth and uninhibited by the beer we’d already drunk. There was nothing scientific or even philosophical about Iris’ telling of it. The theory was a flight of imagination influenced by her name and personalized by the genetic defect of her eyes, which her doctors had said would render her blind by fifty. Even thirty-five seemed far away. It’s heartbreaking now to know that Iris never did live to experience her blindness—her own genetic fate interrupted by the genetic fate of the world—but that night, imagination, the quality Einstein called more important than knowledge, lit up both our brains in synapses of neon as we shared our joint, sucking it into glowing nothingness, Iris paranoid that she’d wake up one morning in eternal darkness despite the doctors’ assurances that her blindness would occur gradually, and me fearing that I would never find love, never share my life with anyone, but soothed at least by Iris’ words and her impossible ideas because Einstein was right, and imagination is magical enough to cure anything.
2025, Pre- I graduated with a degree in one field, found a low paying job in another, got married, worked my way to slightly better pay, wanted to have a child, bought a Beagle named Pillow as a temporary substitute, lived in an apartment overlooking a green garbage bin that was always full of beer cans and pizza boxes, and held my wife, crying, when we found out that we couldn’t have children. Somewhere along the way my parents died and Kurt Schwaller, a physicist from the Swiss Federal Institute of Technology, proved a grand theory of everything that rather than being based on the vibrations of strings, was based on a property of particles called viscous time force. I never understood the details. To me they lacked imagination. The overriding point, the experts on television told us, was that given enough data and computing power we could now predict the outcome of anything. The effect was that no one wanted to study theoretical physics and everyone wanted to make breakthroughs in data collection systems and biological hardware. Hackers created a version of Linux that ran from DNA. Western Digital released the first working holographic storage drive. The NSA, FSB, BND and other agencies rushed to put their suddenly valuable mass of unprocessed raw spy data to prognostic use. A Chinese bookmaker known only by the nick ##!! wrote a piece of Python code that could predict the outcomes of hockey games. Within a month, the NHL and KHL were scrambling to come up with ways of saving their leagues by making them more unpredictable. They introduced elements of chance: power plays without penalties, a tilting ice surface, fluctuating rules that sometimes allowed for icings and offsides and sometimes not, and, finally, a pre-game lottery by which the names of the players on both teams were put into a pot and randomly drawn into two squads. Given enough variables, the strategy did thwart the code, but the inherent unfairness of the innovations alienated the players, the draft made owners question why they were paying the salaries of superstars who played against them half of the time, and the fans simply stopped paying attention to a league full of teams for which their already dwindling loyalty had bottomed out. Besides, the code was basic. ##!! had room to expand. The KHL folded first, followed by the NHL, and then the other sports leagues, preemptively. They didn’t bother to wait until their own codes were broken. I remember seeing an interview with ##!! while this was still front page news. The reporter, a perpetually smiling big-breasted blonde with blindingly white teeth, asked him if he thought that hockey could be rescued by the creation of roving blue lines that would continually alter the relative sizes of both offensive zones and the neutral zone. ##!! answered that he didn’t know what a blue line was because he’d never watched a hockey game in his life. His voice was cold, objective, and there was something terrifyingly inhuman about the idea that a person with no knowledge of a subject could nevertheless understand it so completely. Content had become a mere input of form.
By 2025, mainstream interest in the theory of everything faded, not because the theory was wrong but because it was too right and too abstract and now there weren’t any young theoretical physicists to help explain it using cute graphics on YouTube. We consumed what we understood and passively accepted the fallout while going on with our daily lives. The people who did understand made money, but for the rest of us the consequences were less than their potential, because even with enough time, memory and microprocessors the most we could know was the what and the when, not the why. For the governments and corporations pouring taxes and tax-free earnings into complex models of world domination, that didn’t matter. They weren’t interested in cause. They were in the business of exploiting certainty to gain power. As long as they could predict lightning, they were satisfied. If they could make it, all the better. Away from the cutting edge, however, like ants or ancients, what we craved to know was where the lightning came from, what it meant, and on that issue the theory was silent. As Kurt Schwaller put it in a speech to the United Nations, “All I’ve given you is a tool—a microscope to magnify the minutes, so to speak—with which to investigate in perfect detail the entirety of our interrelations. But the investigations still have to made, ladies and gentlemen. Have a hay stack, look for the needle. Know there might not be one.”
In January, my wife and I began a fertility treatment for which we’d been saving for years. It was undoubtedly the reason we became so emotionally involved in the media attention around Aiko, the lovely, black-haired and fashionable Crown Princess of Japan, who along with her husband was going through the same ordeal that we were. For a few months, it seemed as if the whole world sat on the edges of its seat, wishing for this beautiful royal couple to conceive. And we sat on two, our own and one somewhere in an exotic Japan updated by the royal Twitter feed. It strikes me now that royalty has always fascinated the proles, a feeling that historically went in tandem with hatred, respect or awe, but it was the Japanese who held our attentions the longest and the most genuinely in the twenty-first century, when equality had more or less rendered a hereditary ruling class obsolete. The British declared themselves post-Christian in 2014 and post-Royal in 2021, the European Court of Justice ruled all other European royals invalid in 2022, and the Muslim monarchs pompously degraded themselves one-by-one into their own exiles and executions. Only the Japanese line survived, adapting to the times by refusing to take itself seriously on anything but the most superficial level. They dressed nicely, acted politely and observed a social protocol that we admired without wanting to follow it ourselves. Before he died, my father had often marvelled that the Second World War began with Japan being led by an emperor god, and ended with the American occupation forcing him to renounce his divinity. The Japanese god had died because MacArthur willed it and Hirohito spoke it. Godhood was like plaque. If your mother told you to brush your teeth, off it went, provided you used the right flavour of Colgate. Kings had once ruled by divine right. By 2025, the Crown Princess of Japan ruled our hearts merely by popular approval. She was our special friend, with whom we were all on intimate and imaginary terms. Indeed, on the day she died—on the day they all died—Princess Aiko’s was the most friended account on Facebook.
That’s why March 27, 2025, was such a joyous occasion for us. In hindsight, it’s utterly sick to associate the date with happiness of any kind, but history must always be understood in context, and the context of the announcement was a wirelessly connected world whose collective hopes came suddenly true to the jingle of a breaking news story on the BBC. I was in the kitchen sauteing onions when I heard it. Cutting them had made me cry and my eyes were still red. Then the announcer’s voice broke as he was setting up his intro, and in a video clip that was subsequently rebroadcast, downloaded and parodied close to a billion times in the one hundred thirty-two days that followed, he said: “The Crown Princess of Japan is pregnant!”
I ran to the living room and hugged my wife, who’d fallen to her knees in front of the wall-mounted monitor. Pillow was doing laps on and off the sofa. The BBC cut away from the announcer’s joyful face to a live feed from Japan. As I held my wife, her body felt warm and full of life. The top of her jeans cut into her waist. Her tears wetted the top of my shirt sleeve. Both of our phones started to buzz—emails and Twitter notifications streaming in. On the monitor, Aiko and her husband, both of their angular faces larger than life in 110” 1080p, waved to the crowd in Tokyo and the billions watching around the world. They spoke in Japanese and a woman on the BBC translated, but we hardly needed to know her exact words to understand the emotions. If them, why not also us? I knew my wife was having the same thought. We, too, could have a family. Then I smelled burning oil and the pungency of onions and I remembered my sauteing. I gently removed my arms from around my wife’s shoulders and ran back to the kitchen, still listening to Aiko’s voice and its polite English echo, and my hands must have been shaking, or else my whole body was shaking, because after I had turned down the heat I reached for the handle of the frying pan, knocked the pan off the stove top instead, and burned myself while stupidly trying to catch it before it fell, clattering, to the floor. The burned onions splattered. I’d cracked one of the kitchen tiles. My hand turned pale and I felt a numbness before my skin started to overflow with the warmth of pain. Without turning off the broadcast, my wife shooed me downstairs to the garage where we kept our car and drove me to the hospital.
The Toronto streets were raucous. Horns honked. J-pop blared. In the commotion we nearly hit a pedestrian, a middle-aged white woman pushing a baby carriage, who’d cut across Lake Shore without looking both ways. She had appeared suddenly from behind a parked transport—and my wife instinctively jerked the car from the left lane to the right, scraping our side mirror against the truck but saving two lives. The woman barely noticed. She disappeared into a crowd of Asian kids on the other side of street who were dancing to electronica and waving half a dozen Japanese flags, one of which was the Rising Sun Flag, the military flag of Imperial Japan. Clutching my wrist in the hope it would dull the pain in my hand, I wondered how many of them knew about the suffering Japanese soldiers had inflicted on countless Chinese in the name of that flag. To the right, Lake Ontario shone and sparkled in the late afternoon light. A passenger jet took off from Toronto Island Airport and climbed into the sky.
In the hospital waiting room, I sat next to a woman who was reading a movie magazine with Nuri Bilge Ceylan’s face on the cover. The Cannes film festival was coming up. My wife checked me in at the reception desk. The woman beside me put down her magazine and told me that she was there with her son, as if needing to justify her presence. I affirmed by nodding. He’d hurt his leg playing soccer for a local Armenian junior boys team, she went on. I said I’d hurt myself frying onions and that I was here with my wife. She said my wife was pretty and asked if I liked movies. Without meaning to do it, I tried to guess her age—unsuccessfully—and proceeded to imagine having doggy style sex with her. She had dark eyes that barely blinked and plump thighs. When I started to feel guilty, I answered her question: sometimes I watched movies at home, but I hadn’t been to a theatre in a decade. When my wife sat down, I let the two of them talk about the woman’s son. I was having trouble concentrating. I took my phone out of my pocket and read all the new emails about the royal conception, then stared at the seconds hand going slowly around its digital clock face on my home screen, wondering why we so often emulated the limitations of analogue machines on devices that were no longer bound by them. I switched my clock type to a digital readout. Now the seconds no longer rotated but flickered away. They called my name over the crackling intercom and a nurse led me to one of the empty rooms. “How about that baby,” he said while we walked. I didn’t see his face, only the shaved back of his head. “The things they can do these days, even for infertile couples.”
I waited for over thirty minutes for a doctor. When one came in, she inspected my hand for less than ten seconds before telling me that I was fine and hinting that I shouldn’t have wasted her time by coming to the emergency room. She had high cheek bones, thin lips and bony wrists. Her tablet had a faux clipboard wallpaper. Maybe I had only misinterpreted her tone. “How about that baby,” I said.
“It’s not a baby yet,” she answered.
This time her tone was impossible to misinterpret. I was only repeating what the nurse had said, I told myself. But I didn’t say that to her. Instead, I imagined her coming home at night to an empty apartment, furnished possibly in a minimalistic Japanese or Swedish style, brewing a cup of black coffee and settling into an armchair to re-read a Simone de Beauvoir novel. I was about to imagine having sex with her when I caught hold of myself and wondered what was up with me today.
When I got back to the waiting room, my wife was no longer there—but the Armenian woman was. She pointed down the hall and told me a room number. She said that sometime after I left, my wife had gotten a cramp and started to vomit all over the floor. Someone was still mopping up. The other people in the waiting room, which was filling up, gave me tactfully dirty looks, either because I was with the vomiter or because I’d shirked my responsible by being away during the vomiting. Irrationally, I wiped my own mouth and fled down the hall.
Inside the numbered room, my wife was sitting hunched over on an observation bed, slowly kicking her feet back and forth. “Are you OK?” I asked.
“Come here,” she said.
I did, and sat beside her on the bed. I repeated my question. She still smelled a little of vomit, but she looked up at me like the world’s luckiest puppy, her eyes big and glassy, and said, “Norman, I’m pregnant.”
That’s all she could say—
That’s all either of us could say for a while.
We just sat there on the examination bed like a pair of best friends on a swing set after dark, dangling our feet and taking turns pulling each other closer. “Are you sure?” I finally asked. My voice was hoarse. I sounded like a frog.
“Yes.” She kicked the heel of my shoe with the rubber toe of hers. “We’re going to have a baby.”
It was beautiful. The most wonderful moment of my life. I remembered the day we met and our little marriage ceremony. I thought about being a father, and felt positively terrified, and about being a better husband, and felt absolutely determined, and as I kissed my wife there in the little hospital room with its sterile green walls, I imagined making love to her. I kept imagining it as we drove back to the apartment through partying Toronto streets. “Not since the Maple Leafs won the Stanley Cup!” the radio announcer proclaimed—before I turned him off. I also turned off my phone and my wife’s phone. No more buzzing. In the underground parking lot, I leaned over and licked her soft neck. I pushed her through the open apartment door and straight into the living room, onto the sofa, and wished I could be the cushions beneath her thighs and the air invading her lungs. Pillow barked a greeting and wagged her tail. The monitor on the wall showed talking heads and fertility experts. I unbuttoned my wife’s blouse. She unbuckled my belt. The picture on the monitor dissolved to a close-up of Aiko’s smiling face. My wife and I took turns sliding off each other’s jeans. I kissed her bare stomach. She ran her hands through my hair. I dimmed the lights. We made love.
When we were done it was starry nighttime. My wife bandaged my hand. We turned off the television. The silence was refreshing because people on television too often talk like they’re trying to push you off a ledge. My wife excused me from the duty of making supper because of my ineptness with the frying pan, and handed me a leash instead. I hooked it up to Pillow’s collar and took her outside. While she peed, I gazed up at the sky and identified the Big Dipper. It and the Little Dipper were the only constellations I could identify without using a smartphone app. After Pillow finished, we ducked into a nook and I peed, too. The March sky was amazingly clear of smog. My urine splashed on the concrete and I felt embarrassingly primal. I breathed in, shook out the last drops and zipped up.
In the apartment, we ate grilled portabella mushrooms topped with parmesan and parsley and drank brown rice tea. My wife had changed into fresh clothes. I had changed into fresh skin. Every time she said “mom” and “dad”, the words discharged trickles of electricity up and down my peripheral nervous system. We were happy; we were going to have a baby. The whole world was happy; the Crown Princess of Japan of was going to have a baby. The sounds of drunken urban celebrations drifted in through our bedroom window all night like fog, and we barely slept.
2025, Post- Gold is precious because it’s rare. Now close your eyes and imagine that the next time you open them, everything in your world will be golden: your kitchen table, the bananas you bought on the way home from work yesterday, your bottle of shampoo, even your teeth. Now blink. You’re not alone. The market’s flooded. Gold isn’t rare anymore. It’s everywhere. Which means that it’s worth about as much as its weight in mud, because there’s nothing intrinsically good about gold. Can you write on your gold table? It scratches. Surely you can’t eat your golden fruit. Your shampoo’s not a liquid anymore, so your hair’s already starting to get greasy. And if you do find something to eat that’s not made of metal, how long will those gold teeth last before you grind them into finely polished nubs?
For two days the Earth glittered.
For two days we lived in a daze of perfection.
And then, on March 29, a researcher working with lab mice at Stanford University noticed something odd. All of his female mice were pregnant. He contacted several of his colleagues who were also working with mice, rats, and monkeys. All their female animals were pregnant, too. Some of the colleagues had wives and girlfriends. They took innocent-seeming trips to their local pharmacies and bought up all the available pregnancy tests. At home, women took test after test and all of them showed positive. By midnight, the researchers had drafted a joint letter and sent copies of it to the major newspapers in their countries. On the morning of March 30, the news hit.
When I checked my Twitter feed after breakfast, #impregtoo was already trending. Throughout the day, Reddit lit up with increasingly bizarre accounts of pregnancies that physically couldn’t be but, apparently, were. Post-menopausal women, celibate women, prepubescent girls, women who’d had their uteruses removed only to discover that their reproductive systems had spontaneously regenerated like the severed tales of lizards. Existing early stage pregnancies aborted themselves and re-fertilized, like a system rebooting. Later term pregnancies developed Matryoshka-like pregnancies nested within pregnancies. After a while, I stopped reading, choosing to spend time with my wife instead. As night fell, we reclined on the sofa, her head on my chest, Pillow curled up in our tangle of feet, the television off, and the streets of Toronto eerily quiet save for the intermittent blaring of far off sirens, as any lingering doubts about the reality of the situation melted away like the brief, late season snow that floated gently down from the sky, blackening the streets.
On March 30, the World Health Organization issued a communique confirming that based on the available data it was reasonable to assume that all female mammals were pregnant. No cause was identified. It urged any woman who was not pregnant to step forward immediately. Otherwise, the communique offered no guidance. It indicated merely that the organization was already working with governments around the world to prepare for a massive influx of human population in approximately nine months’ time. Most places, including Toronto, reacted with stunned panic. Non-essential workplaces and schools were decried closed. People were urged to stay indoors. Hospitals prepared for possible complications. A few supermarkets ran out of canned food and there were several bank runs, but nothing happened that the existing systems couldn’t handle. Populations kept their nerve. Highway and air traffic increased slightly as people rushed to be with their friends, families and gynaecologists. We spent the entire day in our apartment and let Pillow pee in the tub. Except for the conspiracy theorists, who believed that the Earth was being cosmically pollinated by aliens, most of us weren’t scared to go outside, but we were scared of the unknown, and we preferred to process that fear in the comfort of our own dens.
The New York Times ran a front page editorial arguing for an evaluation of the situation using Kurt Schwaller’s theory of everything. In conjunction with The Washington Post, The Guardian and The Wikipedia Foundation, a website was set up asking users for technical help, monetary donations and the sharing of any surplus computing power.
The project quickly ran into problems. To accurately predict anything, the theory of everything needed sufficient data, and, on April 2, cryptome.org published a series of leaked emails between the French Minister of Health and a high-ranking member of World Health Organization that proved the latter’s communique had been disingenuous at best. Externally, the World Health Organization had concluded that all female mammals were pregnant. That remained true. However, it had failed to admit an even more baffling development: the wombs of all female mammals had inexplicably become impenetrable to all rays and materials that had so far been tried against them. For all intents and purposes, there was no way to see inside the womb, or to destroy it. The only way to revert the body to its natural form, to terminate the pregnancy, was to kill the woman—an experiment that, according to the high-ranking member of the World Health Organization, the French government had helped conduct on unwilling women in Mali. Both parties issued repeated denials until a video surfaced showing the murders. I couldn’t bring myself to watch it. They spun their denials into arguments about the necessity of sacrificing lives for the greater good.
Reminded once again of the deception inherent in politics, many turned to religion, but the mainstream religions were hesitant to react. They offered few opinions and no answers. The fringe religions split into two camps. Some leaders welcomed this development, the greatest of all known miracles, while others denounced the same as a universal and unnatural punishment for our collective sins of hedonism, egoism and pride. The most successful of all was the Tribe of Akna, a vaguely mystical Maya revival cult that sprang up seemingly overnight and was led by a Guatemalan freelance programmer named Salvador Abaroa. Although it originated in Mexico City, the Tribe spread as quickly across the world as the computer viruses that Abaroa was notorious for creating. On the Tribe’s homepage, Abaroa could be seen striking an antique brass gong and saying in Spanish-tinged English, “Like energy, life is never destroyed. Every one of us plays an integral part of the cosmic ecosystem. Every man, woman and virus.” Elsewhere on the website, you could buy self-published theological textbooks, listen to scratchy recordings of speeches by Alan Watts and read about the hypothesis that Maya thought was deeply connected to Buddhism because the Mayans had crossed the Pacific Ocean and colonized Asia.
But despite the apparent international cooperation happening at the highest levels, the first week of April was an atomizing period for the so-called people on the ground. We hunkered down. Most personal communication was digital. My wife and I exchanged emails with her parents and sister, but we met no one face-to-face, not even on Skype. We neither invited our neighbours to dinner nor were invited by them, despite how easy it was to walk down the hall and knock. I read far more than I wrote, and even when I did write, responding to a blog post or news story, I found it easier to relate to strangers than to the people I knew. My wife said I had a high tolerance for solitude. “Who do you know in the city?” she asked. Although we’d been living here together for three years, she still considered Toronto mine. She was the stranger, I was the native. I said that I knew a few people from work. She told me to call one of them I’d never called before. I did, and the next day’s sky was cloudless and sunny and there were five of us in the apartment: my wife and I, my friend Bakshi and his wife Jacinda, and their daughter, Greta. Greta drank apple juice while the rest of us drank wine, and all five of us gorged ourselves on freshly baked peach cobbler, laughing at silly faces and cracking immature jokes. It hardly registered for me that the majority of the room was unstoppably pregnant, but wasn’t that the point: to forget—if only for a few hours? Instead of watching the BBC, we streamed BDRips of Hayao Miyazaki movies from The Pirate Bay. Porco Rosso ruled the skies, castles flew, a Catbus arrived at its magical stop. Then Bakshi’s phone rang, and he excused himself from the table to take the call. When he returned, his face was grey. “What’s the matter?” Jacinda asked him. He was still holding the phone to his ear. “It’s Kurt Schwaller,” he said. “They just found his body. They think he killed himself.”
Proceed to Part 2
submitted by normancrane to cryosleep [link] [comments]


2020.09.22 20:02 Khiermer Japanese pee spycam

my anime journey started when I was 4 years old and would watch dragon ball when goku was a kid ( then I never watched dragon ball super or gt or Z) then when I was 5-7 I watched pokemon from where I remember the sinnoh region I think then when I was around 8-9 idaten jump, zach bell and Atla aired on Sonic I watched that too when I was 11 or around I always ignored animax because all it was in Japanese and all animes I have been watching were just cartoons to me. I loved Ben ten and I feel my childhood slaughtered in front of my eyes when I saw the reboot because ben ten was 40% of my childhood. I once saw Little battlers experience or LBX that thing seemed interesting too me cause you know little toy robots fighting each other were quite interesting for 11 yo me I started watching same day I saw naruto shippuden where naruto turned into nine tails when gaara kinda died that was interesting to me too I saw Hunter x Hunter and parasyte the maxim and valvrave the librator and the crown of the guilty too and sure they were quite violent for 11 yo kiddie but I liked them I mean I was playing mortal Kombat at that age but I had to be aware of my family because of two little annoying sisters they would complain to mom whenever they saw a single drop of blood on screen like when itachi pulled out sasuke's eye in genjutsu that stuff was amazing and I was not still a part of anime fandom they were just cartoons to me. My grades in English suddenly rised up in 4th grade where I started watching anime for 5th and 6th grade I didn't even had to study for exams of English and always score 9s and 10s in exams even some teachers and my mother loved that sudden improvement and it is my favorite subject to this day. Now it is time in my 6th grade I wake up on a Sunday morning and I open animax and it is showing animax above but is airing a show called ratz I remember watching on Nick I am like ok and what is this 5 days remaining I thought 5 days after animax will be back but we all know what went down. I literally cried for days and feel sad to this day. I downloaded a app called naruto all episodes on my mother's Microsoft lumia in around late 2016 (yeah internet entered my life in 2015 it is kinda late) and continued to watch naruto. Well the kissanime and 9anime entered my life and weeb Khizar is rewatching some series that he missed I am rewatching HxH now and am 15 this year Idk if you read this fully or not but I hope you enjoyed it. I am glad that I grew on anime instead of motu patlu, chota bheem or shiva or bandhbud and budbak. I see my lil brother who is 9 years younger than me growing up on shiva motu patlu and other bullshit It hurts my eyes and heart to see him loving that shit.
[Edit] I used to watch some Romantic anime too like The world God only knows, Nisekoi was one of those I couldn't complete and never got to know who that guy hooked up with for another year and while watching this a name popped in my head yeah the Twin Stars Exorcist loved that maan and I watched Brothers conflict too. The girl from that show was my first anime crush she was so beautifully drawn and animated and her cute little squirrel that she had with her. I enjoyed watching them more than Bollywood movies because they add unnecessary action just like Girls dad or brother pulls up with 10 11 gundas on hero hero beats those gunda and takes the girl same cliche in different forms. I was never a fan of romantic shows or movies but anime's hit different idk how I just loved them without even knowing they were romantic. My lil sis only loved a anime called pretty rythem and I liked watching it too but kinda hide it like you watched power puff girls and hided from your siblings and parents. Beelzebub was one of my favorites I loved the comedy in it and that badass guy Oda. The first time I felt the vibe of badassness was from hisoka from HxH I never noticed his pedo vibes because I was innocent and the pee is stored in the balls type kid. I really I mean Really loved gatch man crowds the music the characters and the badass action really loved it. The one anime that is still in my heart and I love it to this day and watched it for 7 times is Parasyte the maxim I loved the music the story the characters and the action like the time when shinichi threw the stone and sniped that Parasyte in the school the most funny thing the teen me realized was Shinich wanted to die and had sex and was like I want to live now when I watched it for 3rd time. Well that's it I will add anything more if I remember something interesting I am going to watch twin stars Exorcist once I am done with tokyo Ghoul re.
submitted by Khiermer to Animey [link] [comments]


2020.09.21 01:13 kd1m Japanese pee spycam

I don't know if this is in line with this sub's theme, but I guess many of you folx will be able to relate. I guess I need to vent, and idk, maybe talk about it and listen to your advice, if you have any?
So, a little background. I'm 24, AFAB, identify as agendegenderqueer nonbinary. My... ex, I guess, is 20, AFAB, doesn't identify fully as nonbinary but we've been talking about it and she (she's okay with using this pronoun) doesn't really feel as either "traditional" gender.
She's great. I love her. And I loved her so hard, we've been together since May and it's been beautiful, honestly. She's been supporting me through my journey while I was trying to understand who I am, she helped me, she even researched binding methods with me and was so happy and ecstatic when my KT Tape arrived, she even filmed the process with my consent, and was almost to tears in seeing me so happy with my body. She's honestly the most accepting and supportive person I've ever met.
She struggles with depression and anxiety a lot, though. And during her relapses she can't feel anything except for negative emotions, it's an achievement for her if she even gets out of bed to pee and eat something when she's hurting from it. This made her doubt out relationship. She's been feeling like shit for the past few months, having ups and downs of about two weeks each. When she's okay, she's the most loving person in the world and she knows she loves me... but when she's not okay, she can't help but have doubts about everything — even about us. I've been trying to support her the best I could, since we have the same way to deal with mental illness, and I've been able to help her as much as I could — but in the end it's up to her.
Everything was okay until yesterday night... out of the blue. I'll tell you about it. We were at my house, watching a show with my parents, she was so sweet and cuddly with me. She was laughing and joking. We enjoyed some Japanese food for dinner and then went to my room to watch something on Netflix... when she got on the bed I could see there was something wrong, so I asked her what was up. She said "eh, not feeling very well" so I asked her if everything was okay with us... and she broke up with me, which was kinda unexpected. We've been through a rough patch about a month ago, when she asked me to not text or see each other for a while, 7 days tops, while she tried to figure out if there was something wrong with our relationship. She couldn't even spend a day without talking to me, we missed each other so much. So, everything was back to normal. But then, yesterday night. After telling me it's over, she also told me that she wouldn't block me on any social network nor delete my phone number. She spent the night and we cuddled all the time and slept in each other's arms. This morning she began crying and didn't want to go home — I asked her if she had any doubts about her decision and she said yes, she thought about it during the night, but what's done is done.
Fast forward to tonight, she blocked me on Instagram and unfriended me on Facebook. My guess is, out of mind/out of sight, but it really hurt and she didn't even text me with an explanation. I honestly miss her so much. I miss her presence, I miss her laugh, I miss her cuddles and honestly I miss everything about her — even her defects.
But now to the point (just to keep this post on topic with the sub): I'm scared I won't find anyone that will be able to accept me and support me as much as she does. I live in bumfuck nowhere in Italy, which isn't exactly the most accepting of Trans* people, and it's a real concern for me. Besides the fact that I don't want to lose her, it's a real possibility that this break up is for real and she won't come back. I'm trying to think positive, but I'm really scared, folx. Sorry for the long post. Love you all, and wish you a great day. <3
submitted by kd1m to ftm [link] [comments]


2020.09.21 00:55 kd1m Japanese pee spycam

I don't know if this is in line with this sub's theme, but I guess many of you folx will be able to relate. I guess I need to vent, and idk, maybe talk about it and listen to your advice, if you have any?
So, a little background. I'm 24, AFAB, identify as agendegenderqueer nonbinary. My... ex, I guess, is 20, AFAB, doesn't identify fully as nonbinary but we've been talking about it and she (she's okay with using this pronoun) doesn't really feel as either "traditional" gender.
She's great. I love her. And I loved her so hard, we've been together since May and it's been beautiful, honestly. She's been supporting me through my journey while I was trying to understand who I am, she helped me, she even researched binding methods with me and was so happy and ecstatic when my KT Tape arrived, she even filmed the process with my consent, and was almost to tears in seeing me so happy with my body. She's honestly the most accepting and supportive person I've ever met.
She struggles with depression and anxiety a lot, though. And during her relapses she can't feel anything except for negative emotions, it's an achievement for her if she even gets out of bed to pee and eat something when she's hurting from it. This made her doubt out relationship. She's been feeling like shit for the past few months, having ups and downs of about two weeks each. When she's okay, she's the most loving person in the world and she knows she loves me... but when she's not okay, she can't help but have doubts about everything — even about us. I've been trying to support her the best I could, since we have the same way to deal with mental illness, and I've been able to help her as much as I could — but in the end it's up to her.
Everything was okay until yesterday night... out of the blue. I'll tell you about it. We were at my house, watching a show with my parents, she was so sweet and cuddly with me. She was laughing and joking. We enjoyed some Japanese food for dinner and then went to my room to watch something on Netflix... when she got on the bed I could see there was something wrong, so I asked her what was up. She said "eh, not feeling very well" so I asked her if everything was okay with us... and she broke up with me, which was kinda unexpected. We've been through a rough patch about a month ago, when she asked me to not text or see each other for a while, 7 days tops, while she tried to figure out if there was something wrong with our relationship. She couldn't even spend a day without talking to me, we missed each other so much. So, everything was back to normal. But then, yesterday night. After telling me it's over, she also told me that she wouldn't block me on any social network nor delete my phone number. She spent the night and we cuddled all the time and slept in each other's arms. This morning she began crying and didn't want to go home — I asked her if she had any doubts about her decision and she said yes, she thought about it during the night, but what's done is done. Fast forward to tonight, she blocked me on Instagram and unfriended me on Facebook. My guess is, out of mind/out of sight, but it really hurt and she didn't even text me with an explanation. I honestly miss her so much. I miss her presence, I miss her laugh, I miss her cuddles and honestly I miss everything about her — even her defects.
But now to the point (just to keep this post on topic with the sub): I'm scared I won't find anyone that will be able to accept me and support me as much as she does. I live in bumfuck nowhere in Italy, which isn't exactly the most accepting of Trans* people, and it's a real concern for me. Besides the fact that I don't want to lose her, it's a real possibility that this break up is for real and she won't come back. I'm trying to think positive, but I'm really scared, folx.
Sorry for the long post. Love you all, and wish you a great day. <3
submitted by kd1m to NonBinary [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 09:48 fetthemlig Japanese pee spycam

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2020.09.14 23:22 tarpfest Japanese spycam pee

I'd like to show my thanks for you folks who have provided so many useful tips on this sub by sharing my fairly standard/normal hysterectomy experience and week by week recovery. It's a long, detailed post but TL;DR: my experience is similar to folks who have had a normal recovery with no complications and manageable pain and discomfort and I highly recommend surgery! (I'm including insomnia and mood swings as normal, since I kept my ovaries and I'm coming off hormonal medication as well, lol.)
I waited until 4 weeks before posting because even though I felt great during the first few days after surgery, I wanted to wait and see if complications and weird stuff popped up afterwards. Nope! It has been a delightfully smooth recovery: only very little spotting 2 days after surgery then no bleeding even up until now. My surgeon checked out my vaginal cuff 3 1/12 post-op and she said it was healing nicely, no pain when she touched the cuff and no bleeding.
Background:

  • I'm a non-binary (they/her pronouns,) femme- and androgynous-presenting 35 year old, overweight and sedentary except for light walking. No kids, never gave birth or had an abortion. No top/bottom surgeries and no hormones apart from norethindrone 5-10 mg to stop bleeding/periods and manage pelvic pain a year before surgery. Most of the dysphoria for me post-op is the swollen belly (I look quite pregnant especially during the first 3 weeks) but I'm trying to reframe the swollen belly as looking really cute :) and that the swelling will go away eventually, even though it'll take months. But having no uterus is really awesome! I like the emptiness and lack of heaviness and fatigue from the uterus/fibroids/endo. I did grieve losing parts of my body but this process was months before surgery.
  • First surgery ever for adenomyosis, endometriosis, and multiple fibroids; total laparoscopic hysterectomy (LAVH): delivered 7 cm fibroid vaginally (!), only kept ovaries and a vaginal cuff was sutured where my cervix used to be. 6 cm endometrioma on right ovary removed, endo excision on partially obliterated cul-de-sac and uterosacral ligaments. Biopsies confirmed adeno in uterus and endo in endometrioma and excised tissues. Took hormones until 3 1/2 week post-op checkup when surgeon allowed me to stop using them. Surgeon expects low recurrence of endo.
  • I had short notice (3 weeks) for my surgery due to COVID-19 precautions at the hospital, but I was waitlisted for almost a year beforehand.
How the weeks played out post-op:
  • After surgery: going under anesthesia and waking up in the recovery room happened in seconds. I felt pain which was 3-4/10 but never really went beyond 5-6 (at that point I requested pain meds); most of the pain came from gas pain which touched on the parts that had surgery so it hurt, but I didn't have the dreaded shoulder pain. The catheter was uncomfortable but I asked the nurse to adjust the tubing which sort of helped. I wore the hospital robe during my overnight stay, which had some tiny blood stains from my incisions. I mostly slept and was woken up by nurses during their rounds of checking my blood pressure and temperature. I drank coffee and lots of watejuice after my catheter was removed the next morning and before being discharged. Didn't use my phone and didn't need my toiletries, wore the same maxi dress and slip-on shoes as what I came in the hospital with.
  • Week 1: most of the discomfort and pains (especially gas) happened this week: ice packs helped along with taking OTC pain meds (tylenol/acetaminophen and naproxen) on a regular schedule and narcotics (tramadol) only a couple of times cause I was afraid of constipation. I made sure to include stool softeners (eg Miralax) in-between pain meds. No fatigue and only 2 days of light spotting; no discharge as well. Incisions were healing normally and were itchy at the end of week 1. Had urine leakage so I purchased additional incontinence pads but I already had this issue prior to surgery. Watched a lot of Netflix/Prime Video while reclined on couch and paced around the house a lot (usually after peeing a lot due to all the fluids) to help get rid of gas/prevent blood clots; activated charcoal didn't helped me, I had to ride out the gas pain. Had pressure while peeing but wasn't painful, also peed a lot due to drinking lots of fluids and eating soups. My BM on the second day was gassy and loose at first, but became more solid when I had another BM that same day, so I didn’t phone the surgeon’s office. I had more BMs than before surgery (went once a day before, then twice a day post-op) and I used a small stool in lieu of a Squatty Potty to help me poop; doing the "moo" sound instead of straining was a big help! I was also really hungry and ate more than usual; more like frequent, smaller meals: a lot of toast/rice, some fruit, and lots of soups with chicken and vegetables. No housework and didn't lift anything heavier than half a gallon (~2 litres.)
  • Week 2: I had fewer abdominal and back pains compared to the first week and I continued to feel great; ab/incision pains went away eventually by the end of this week. No discharge but still felt pressure from peeing, so I purchased urine tests that were a dollar each from the pharmacy (which also checks for blood and proteins) and I didn't have a UTI. I still used ice packs at the start of the second week but stopped them once I started taking a small dose of cannabis during the day and edibles at night. I stopped naproxen before taking cannabis but this point, I could have also taken tylenol if cannabis wasn't a option, but I didn't like the idea of taking tylenol for long periods of time (can affect the liver.) I gradually increased my walking from slow walking around the block to averaging about 3-4k steps up and down sidewalks in the neighbourhood despite walking very slowly. My surgeon allowed me to do light low impact exercise two weeks onwards. My belly felt more swollen after long walks, likely due to increased activity. Felt tired in the afternoons but I attribute this to the long walks and sleeping less than 8 hours. Still no housework and didn't lift anything heavier than half a gallon (~2 litres.) Felt more emotional this week, cried a bit from post-op blues (wasn't major depression, but thinking about what my body went through up until this point made me sad and angry) but my husband listened to my feelings and I felt better.
  • Week 3: I felt my body starting to normalize (fewer BMs, not so hungry/thirsty) and sitting down became more comfortable (fewer instances of external genitalia soreness) but "Beware Week 3" is correct! I did ~9000 steps one day at the start of week 3 cause I felt so good (big oops) and I felt more tired in the afternoon and a bit more soreness (mostly leg soreness from the long distance walked.) I rested a few days after and took it easier and it's all good. Still no discharge and even on the 3 1/2 week mark when my surgeon did the post-op checkup, my cuff was healing well and my ovaries looked well. Surgeon recommended pelvic floor therapy as I mentioned the urine leakage. Started to get really bored but walking helped, just not overdoing it. I tried modified, really gentle yoga/pelvic floor exercises/chair yoga and felt sore, but rested afterwards and the soreness resolved. Pressure from peeing continued to decrease, now I can feel my bladder emptying when I pee and I sit for a little bit after peeing for the rest of the pee to come out. I was cleared to drive but at this point, twisting was still uncomfortable. I started experiencing insomnia so when it got really bad, I would take cannabis oils/edibles again and I was able to sleep continuously.
  • Week 4: Smoke from west-coast forest fires kept me stuck at home so I continued to rest (watch TV and Reddit,) do a little bit more bending/squatting and even picked up a load of laundry under 20 pounds (surgeon cleared me to lift anything under 20 pounds but no lifting furniture for 3 months.) No bleeding despite doing those movements. Swollen belly is very slowly becoming less swollen but it's still swollen. I can tolerate wearing high-waisted leggings/joggers now but jeans and anything too tight around the belly (even tank tops/shirts) are a no go. I still have persistent lower back pain but no abdominal pain so I wonder if my back took a lot of the pressure from day to day activities instead of my abs; massage and heat packs help.
What helped me pre- and post-op:
  • Positive self-talk/reassurance, even though I was worrying a lot before surgery. I reminded myself that hysterectomies are common procedures (high success rate) and that I have a support system (spouse, housemates, psychologist) to help me with recovery. Reading recovery stories on this sub helped me have a realistic view of the surgery. I also mentally braced myself if my ovaries had to go but thankfully my surgeon was a rockstar and that my right ovary with endometrioma ended up being healthy.
  • My husband took a couple of weeks off work to help me out: he dropped off/picked me up from the hospital, got groceries and helped prepare food on stovetop, and assisted with getting me in/out of bed and with showers. I would suggest having help from a partnefriend/family member at least a week post-op as second week isn't as bad as the first week.
  • Having food delivered sometimes! Having easy to prepare food made by my husband/parents that was easy to reach/reheat also really helped me.
  • Purchasing items to prepare for recovery:
    • Raised toilet seat + arms for a really low toilet, especially helpful for the first couple of weeks when my ab muscles were so weak and sore. Also baby wipes!
    • Small pillow for the drive home (to cushion against the seatbelt) and holding against my belly when standing up/walking on the first week. I also purchased another cute, soft whale plushie from Miniso (like a Japanese dollar store) to sleep/cuddle with.
    • Bath chair for showetub. It was so comforting to sit and have a hot shower as I can't have a bath until the 8 week mark. The moist heat helped with the soreness and it was nice to be able to shower and towel-dry myself independently. I still needed help to get out of the tub to avoid falling/slipping, a suction cup grab bar and tub mat also helps with this.
    • Wedge pillow + lots of pillows on my side and under my knees. I shared a bed so I went with this option but I'm sure those C-shaped pregnancy pillows will also help.
    • Multiple plastic cups with straws: I was so thirsty and having watejuice on hand also helped me have regular BMs. Glasses were heavy during the first week and the plastic cups helped me get extra fluids in.
    • Hanes nightshirts (my fave! looks like a giant t-shirt that goes down to my knees) and Fruit of the loom plus-size high-waisted panties from Amazon, both 2-3 sizes up for the swollen belly. I was peeing so often in the first couple of weeks from soups and drinking so much water that I didn't wanna fuss with pants. I wore other (thrifted) t-shirt dresses and slip-on shoes for walks cause I didn't want anything touching my swollen belly.
    • No effort/easy to swallow food such as applesauce and pudding. As naproxen had to be taken with food, I ate applesauce and pudding with naproxen when the timing was before/after meals. Also pudding was a nice treat when I felt so crappy.
    • Popsicles! My throat was a little sore from intubation, so the ice chips were heavenly in the hospital, and popsicles helped a lot during the first week. It was the height of summer as well at the time, so popsicles also helped keep me cool.
  • Following pre- and post-op instructions from hospital and doctor's office. I stopped vitamins and asprin-like meds a week before surgery, followed the no food after enema the night before surgery, and only drank the approved fluids (water and apple/cranberry juice) up until an hour before I was admitted to the hospital. If you don't follow pre-op instructions, you may be denied surgery. For post-op, my only instructions aside from the OTC pain meds schedule were no full intercourse and no baths/swimming for 8 weeks, light low impact exercise 2 weeks onwards, and visit the ER if any symptoms of surgical complications show up (didn't need to). So in addition to that, I followed the guidelines that I frequently saw on the sub: no bending, no lifting over 5 pounds, and going up stairs one step at a time and taking breaks when needed.
  • Lots of slow walking. (I didn't have restrictions from my surgeon but if you do, follow them.)
  • Cannabis (in small doses,) which is legal where I live. After I finished 10 days of naproxen, I stopped tylenol and I tried 5 mg THC/CBD edibles at night and I was finally able to sleep for 6-7 hours straight. The cannabis numbed my pain in a more effective way compared to tramadol, tylenol, and naproxen. In hindsight, I wish I took cannabis sooner instead of bearing with tylenol and naproxen but I followed doctors orders and I didn’t know if the cannabis would interfere with anesthesia post-op. I also took a high CBD oil (1.5 mg THC: 25 mg CBD) during the day, which helped mute most of the pain during the day on the second week.
  • Having a routine. Since I'm having an easy recovery, having a routine helps me not feel down and have things to focus on/look forward to. My routine is having a couple of walks between breakfast and dinner and watching TV/reading a book during the afternoon/after dinner.
Please feel free to ask questions, I'm happy to help! I hope your surgery goes smoothly as well and for those recovering, I hope your recovery continues to be smooth sailing. :)
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2020.09.14 12:51 jescarcega02 Japanese pee spycam

Helloooo, names Jerry and tbh... i just love love loovvveee talking to ppl, yk🤷‍♂️I've posted on these types of subreddits about 20 times by now or something and it never gets old meeting new ppl and creating bonds. Before moving on with what i got to share, please don't message me if you're boring and DON'T MAKE CONVERSATION. I want to have fun talks where we get deep in our feelers, talking about life and shit and having a nice conversation overall. So please put in a BIT of effort i ask. Some things about me though...
I'm very introverted but I can keep a conversation going probably for all day if the other person I'm talking to puts an effort into the conversation. As mentioned, I'm talkative, I'm very open with my feelings and will comfort and offer reassurance whenever needed and there's a level of comfort and trust going on. I'm genuine, kind, got a pretty big heart, sympathic, I'm kinda funny(but in the awkard way ig lol), I'm pretty open minded about trying new things, and I'm a great listener, so if you have anything you need to vent about I'll be more than happy to listen :)
Hobbies: I love drinking coffee all day everyday and wouldn't be able to live without it(jk yes i can); I love singing and jamming out alone in my car haha; I like taking little joy rides when I'm bored; I enjoy thrift shopping; I'm a nerd gamer lol, i play just about anything frankly but I mainly play Nintendo stuff since i grew up playing Nintendo as a child and I have some pretty good memories playing their games. I'm kind of into writing at the moment, the current genre I'm working on for the current story I'm typing up is realistic fiction😋; I like anime, which, btw, Jojo's Bizarre Adventure is the actual shiz.. I watch YouTube a good bit and I'm a part of Floor Gang (anyone get the reference); I find Japanese culture fascinating so I've been studying it a good bit whenever i can. I listen to a shit ton of music and love almost every genre-- excluding country, metal, and some rock; I play piano, I like having deep conversations that could go into the night, and I think drawing is pretty dope(but i suck so please teach me lmao) and i like philosophical topics you know? Also, in my 18 years of living I've never hung out with anyone as friends over some lunch,dinner, breakfast, and/or coffee so I'd love to that at some point... obviously if you don't live nearby completely fine I'd love to do like a video chat or something as an alternative at some point :) Oh, i also love horror movies and peeing my pants 😳
That's all there is to know about me, I hope I peaked your interest and I would honestly prefer anyone around the ages of 18,17, or 19 to message... but I'll take whatever i can get :) I really look forward to talking, getting to know u as a person, hopefully making you feel a little less lonely and/or happier, and i hope we can become best friends or something
P.S. This is me to prove I'm a sweet little boy 😏hope u like (https://photos.app.goo.gl/DhJx6ogR73Cg6K9TA)
P.P.S. Have a great and wonderful day :)) i forgot to say
submitted by jescarcega02 to Needafriend [link] [comments]


2020.09.10 21:29 TheInquisitor577 Japanese pee spycam

So as you can see from the title, I wish my 86 year old grandma would just hurry up and die. Some quick background before I dive into the above question. So I am college kid living with my parents while I go to culinary school and I work fulltime at a grocery store. My parents both work still and have very demanding jobs. In my house it has just been myself and them since my sister moved out 4 years ago. Besides the occasional argument we get along very well.
Now some background on my grandma (on my mothers side). I've never felt super close to her even though she is relatively nice. She's not a bad person per say but she can be a horrible brat sometimes. More on that later though. I think the first instance I noticed that I had a cold indifference to her was when I was in middle school. We were in at a national softball tournament for my sister and she and I were watching from the stands. My mom was somewhere at the entrance to the stairs talking to a friend (it was one of those stands dug out of concrete where you walked down into it, if that makes sense) while my Dad was watching from the side of the field as he got stiff sitting so long and didn't always like being around all the loud parents. When the game ended my grandma and I got up to meet my mom and wait for my sister to pack up and get done with the after game meeting. For some reason my grandma stepped down and misjudged the height of the step, resulting in her falling down two more steps. They were big steps to since they served as the seating too. Well instead of going to help her I was so embarrassed by her and everyone was looking at me so I ran away. I know dick move but my mom went to help her and she was ok.
For a good many years after that nothing else happened that made me dislike her but that incident stuck with me and made me start to question myself. Especially since I notice I'm not the warmest person in general. Outside of my parents, one aunt (my dad's eldest sister), and one of my sisters (I have two but fuck the other one) I don't really care what happens to the rest of my family. The sister I dont like lost her job and I felt nothing. When my parents say so in so is going through a tough time I just shrug my shoulders. There's was even a time at work when a customer had a seizure and while everyone was concerned, trying to help him, praying and whatever, I just turned my back from the scene and kept doing my job with indifference. Thats not to say though that I have zero empathy, I feel sad for people I see going through tough times on television, I don't desire to hurt animals either. I actually love animals and always cry at those animal abuse commercials. Sometimes it feels like a spark isn't firing right sometimes when i look at someone suffering and could care less.
Back to the matter at hand though. So about 2 years ago my grandma all of a sudden decided that she wanted to move into a independent living in a retirement community. So my Mom being loving and wanting the best sat down every afternoon after her stressful job (she's a 911 operator) and started looking for places. It was hard too because my grandma wanted a place with a kitchenette and be pet friendly for her cat. Well where we live there is not a lot of places like that so my mom really had to search plus she was making sure it wasn't too expensive, in a bad area and close to my grandmas doctors/church. Well she finally found the perfect place and then came the hard part we had to move what could fit her in small apartment and get rid of the rest of the shit in her two story Town house! We did it but she wasn't the most grateful and she stressed the fuck out of my mom.
Well all was good for about a year, my mom took care of the town house being sold which was more stress. But right at the start of this year my grandma was like ok I want to sell my land (she had land for vacation) and car. My mom took care of that and more stress was added. And then covid happened. So my granmda has always been a brat. She loves the attention and will play victim so everyone will fawn over her. Everyone in the family knows it and my mom has stories of when she was little bad my granmda would push her and her siblings aside so she could be the "cute, japanese girl" in front of all the other adults instead of being an actual fucking mother. Back to covid, so at the place she is staying at had strict rules that no outside visitors were allowed and the residents were not to leave. Well my grandma did it anyway (and told my mom she didn't care when confronted) and eventually she got in trouble. The place then placed her in quarantine in her room and put a sign on her door that she wasnt allowed to leave. Well my grandma calls my mom crying and saying she hated it there and that she doesn't want to live there and it's awful. Like bitch what? You're going to throw all my moms hard work away because you can't follow rules?
Well we got through that but now my grandma has started to deterrent very rapidly. She can't walk to good without a cane, she's forgets thing easily (the doctor said she was on the cusp of dementia), and she sometimes poops or pees a little on herself. Well my mom has been worried about all that plus my grandma has been neglecting to eat, drink and take her medicine. With all of this my mom has been bringing her over for short periods (a few days to a week) to stay/monitor her and is considering having her movein with us.
The thing about that is I really don't want her too. I can't stand looking at her for all the stress and other emotional turmoil she's put my mom through. There were some days my mom would be crying because she was so stressed. Plus just being around her makes me irritated. She doesn't close the door when she goes the bathroom, she's belches, picks her nose, scratches her dandruff ridden scalp on the couch, she knocks my shit over in the bathroom and doesn't pick it up, she leaves a mess,she doesn't think she's dirty and will goes days without a bath, she's just sleeps all day and when she wakes up says she's hungry and expects you to make her something. Shes even says "I hope I'm not being a burden" and "sorry for the inconvenience". If you feel that way then maybe actively try and not be one. I just hate it. In the past couple days its gotten worse though and this is where it makes me think something is wrong with me. I hate when she talks to/pets my cat and dogs, like I dont even want her to look at them. It seems so silly but whenever i hear her talking to my cat or see her trying to pet her i see red. I use to never close my door before but now i close it because my room is right before the bathroom and she stands there for several minutes and stares at me or looks around my room. I just want to tell her to mind her own business. I hate looking at her just sitting on the couch with her legs propped up and i hate hearing her talk, walk, and speak. The most disturbing was yesterday though when I was alone in the house with her. I was in the laundry room by myself and seriously debated suffocating her in the night with her pillow. Our rooms are clear across the house so no one would hear, shes weak so she can't fight me off and my parents wouldn't suspect a thing because they believe shes nearing her last days. The only thing stopping me is I don't want to face my mom and dads sadness/disappointment if they every found out.
And I'm sure some of you are thinking, why not just move out? Well I would but my parents don't want me to go. I do all the chores around the house, I cook , I get groceries, I take care of the pets. And I dont mind at all since their jobs are very demanding and I am lucky they are letting me live here while going to college. I also don't have the money as financial aid deems my parents make to much even though they can't afford to pay for my college, so I'm paying myself. Which again I don't mind and I'm grateful for the roof over my head and food they provide. My mom also has said that she doesn't want me to leave, I'm her last child in the nest, her baby and she doesn't want me to go out and struggle. They are loving me to me and I love them.
I'm sorry that this post is so long and if things seem unclear. I just had a lot to say and this was also venting for me. I tried my best to articulate everything but I did leave some stuff out just for length and I wasn't doing a good job of explaining anyway.
So I guess I'll end where I began. I just wish my grandma would hurry up and die. Is there something wrong with me or am I just an asshole? Because if there is something wrong I can seek help. But if I'm just an asshole well at least I can't accept it and endeavor to not be one.
Thank you for reading this mess of a explanation and I look forward to any help offered.
submitted by TheInquisitor577 to mentalhealth [link] [comments]


2020.09.05 04:34 UshioCheng Japanese pee spycam

I happens to step upon this post today, and I cannot stop my self from writing out this story in english and tell it. It is sad. very sad. But more story like this is happening, and I think this can help in stopping some of these story. That is why this story is worth telling and remembering.
It happens in China, the country I come from.
Warning: This story is seriously depressive and may trigger some of you. Do not look down if you are not in a good mood and be warned that you may not have it afterward. Also, as a form of disclaimer, it may as well directly cause anxiety and other mental problems.
Also, this story is simplified a bit but all I said would be truth.
This story starts with 2 MtF. I would call them A_ and B_.... Someone would know who they are but please don't say it.
A_ leaves home because her family does not accept. And somehow (I don't know the detail of the story and I don't want to ask too much) they live together. And I would say that they love each other.
Also, they have saved each other's life (in a sense) in the past.
One day, for some reason I don't know, A_ decided to go back to home. In my own experience, it is almost impossible to just leave parents as if they have never existed, so that may be a reason.
At 2018-03-16, A_'s father promised to send her to airport but she end up being in a "correction facility" (which is not as rare as you might think in China).
In there, she would have a really bad time. I have been to JANM (Japanese-American National Museum in LA) and my comment is that "while others are memorize the injustice concentration camp on Japanese-Americans in WW2, no one actually cares that more horrible thing are happening right now"). The live condition may be a bit better than concentration camp in WW2 but the evilness of human is more severe. Anyone against "teachers"'s wish might be punished. And one example of punishment she have experienced involves tie her up in a room for several days with no food or water. and also remember human need to pee and etc. And she have had sex with others in there, voluntarily or being forced is not known to me but it would be imaginable for her to "voluntarily" do something for sense of safety in that kind of environment.
And this, is not the most terrible part.
At 2018-03-24, for whatever reason, A_'s parent get access to A_'s social account and declared her as suicided.
At 2018-10-?, B_ decided to suicide. and succeed. ( I should not use this word but it is what I pick anyway )
At 2019-09-01, A_ is released from the correction facility not because she escape or the place have been taken down. It is simply because the family need her to be present for celebration of new year in which other relatives would question if she is not there.
Then she leaves her family, possibly permanently this time.
And she knows that the person she loves is dead, because of suicide.
And the time continues.
She is still alive now. But to be honest, I would rather that she actually suicided.
That is why I told you to not do too much to this story and true identity must be concealed. If she choose to live, she should not be disturbed anymore.
submitted by UshioCheng to trans [link] [comments]


2020.09.03 12:18 Mcthierman12 Puppy will not go number two in toilet

Eskel(papillon cross Japanese spitz) is now 7months old. He is trained to go potty in the toilet. We live on the 11th floor and do not have a backyard for him to do his business. He is crate trained and goes potty(pee and poop) on command. He did go into the toilet himself to poop once and I rewarded him for doing so. I made sure he knew he did the right thing. Sometimes I’ll catch him sniffing the toilet floor only to come out of the toilet and pooping right outside the toilet(never reprimanded him for doing so). Any idea why he might not prefer pooping in the toilet?
Edit: toilet floor has peepads. he goes to potty on peepads in the toilet.
submitted by Mcthierman12 to Dogtraining [link] [comments]