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2020.03.06 03:42 Piemasterjelly Close encounters of the Cheese kind: Part Two

[First][Prev][Next]
Day Two Cont.
Shit.
Well before this goes any further I suppose I should introduce myself. My name is Will I'm a 23yo Software engineer, I enjoy long walks on the beach, I'm incapable of speaking to the female of my species and when I grow up I want to be a child again.
Anyway back to the events at hand. Me with a knife. My half naked sister. A plastic bin filled with Gouda that looked like it ran over John Wicks puppy and two panicking parents.
""What the hell is going on in here!"" That would be my Father Pete, Tenured English Lit professor at the local university and part time thief of his children's Halloween candy.
Whimpering sobs My younger sister Steph, currently attending university to become an accountant usually more intelligent than this and connoisseur of plush unicorns.
""Steph calm down baby and one of you two start explaining what the heck is going on"" My Mum Tracy, Government employed Geologist, soft touch, voice of reason when dealing with my Father and lover of rock based puns.
My sister finally forming a coherent sentence managed to choke out ""Will just burst in here sniffle chasing some sort of two headed monster and stabbed it to death"" This was somewhat accurate, It had been more cutting than stabbing but I decided that now probably wasn't the time for pedantry despite my Fathers love of it.
At this point I had struck a heroic pose with one foot on the crate and was nobly staring into the sunset while the rest of my family admired my heroism (I was nervously pacing in circles while my Father eyed the knife blade I was bobbing against my left hand)
Stepping towards me my Father extended his hand palm up ""Will give me the Knife""
I stopped my heroic posing and passed my righteous alien slaying blade to my father with a flourish and a bad ass one liner (I stopped pacing and almost cut myself dropping the knife I was handing to him blade first as I stumbled) ""Uh sure I um didn't mean to scare you guys""
""That's okay Will, you stay here with the girls while I go check the rest of the house to make sure everything is okay"" My Father exited the room with the knife held in front of him and I heard him padding down the stairs shortly after.
By this point my Mum was sitting on the bed embracing my little sister so I turned to her and was about to speak when the plastic bin started rattling around causing my sister to freak out again, bury her face in my Mums shoulder and continue sobbing.
Taking the initiative to reinforce Cheeses prison by adding 180lbs of weight via my ass I gave my Mum a reassuring smile. ""So do you come here often?""
That earned a snort from both of them at least and an eye roll from my Mum ""God you are such an idiot sometimes I have no idea where you got that from""
As my Sister began wiping her tears from her eyes my Father finally re-entered the room with a phone in his hand talking to what I assume was the police and the current moment of chaos started looking more and more like the proverbial calm before the storm.
Day Seven
At an undisclosed time. In an undisclosed location. In the undisclosed "greatest" country on Earth. Slightly Northwest of San Francisco.
It had been a hectic week. The police had arrived at our house and upon discovering definitive proof that the lactose intolerant of the Earth were in deadly peril shunted the responsibility for what I had discovered up the metaphorical food chain.
Soon enough our house was surrounded by Helicopters, Black SUVs, Men in fancy suits and Thunderbolts and lightning that may or not have been very very frightening. After they had finished securing the perimeter they sequestered my family to an "Undisclosed" location for "Our safety". The only reason I knew our vague location was because the Blackhawk we were in passed the main SETI array about 5 minutes before we landed.
Did you know there was actually a subdivision of the Air force that was specifically made for dealing with extra-solar threats? I sure as hell didn't and I was currently sitting in a room containing a one way mirror with a very handsome man in it and a metal table waiting to be interviewed for the hundredth time. Honestly if I knew being the first person to discover alien life was going to be this annoying I would have just made a pizza out of the bastard the first night I "killed" him.
I finally heard the door click and knew the Air force had stopped playing around as they had decided to unleash one of my greatest fears upon me. An attractive member of the opposite sex. Luckily the Air force couldn't unleash my other top 3 fears upon me with her in the room. (Sharks, Heights and being alone in the dark).
She was an attractive blonde in her mid to late 20's with her hair in a ponytail wearing the standard issue Air force uniform with a below the knee skirt, She had two bars on her epaulets and her name tag read Riley. Deciding to impress her with my vast military knowledge I looked her dead in the eye and greeted her suavely (I refused to make eye contact and stammered out ""Hello Captain Riley"".)
""Mr Makepeace. It's a pleasure to meet you"" She smiled. Or I assume she did I was currently in a staring contest with the table and the bastard was winning. I wanted to examine the ribbons on her left breast because I thought they were interesting but feared it might be mistaken as lechery. Either way she sounded pleasant enough.
""I came here today Will to ask for your cooperation in interrogating the creature you have been calling Cheese it has indicated via pictographs that you are the only one it will verbally communicate with.""
That got my attention I looked into her eyes for a second, shit they were a really pretty green colour I quickly challenged the table to a rematch. ""Sure but apart from kicking his alien ass I'm not exactly sure why I'm qualified for this"" Holy crap that accidentally came off as bravado and she actually stifled a giggle. The weddings in June for anyone needing an invite.
She stood up and motioned for me to follow her out of the room. I valiantly didn't stare at her fantastic butt as she lead me down a maze of corridors to another room I didn't recognize.
The room we entered was large and perfectly circular with a floor to ceiling glass tank in the middle with the standard human amenity's. Near one of the edges of the glass tank sat Cheese looking for all the world like a contented toddler playing with crayons and paper. Cheese was currently in what I had dubbed his "Munch" form after the painting he sort of resembled (I googled it).
As I entered Cheese seemed to sense my presence and turned around to waddle towards me beckoning me to him. Now I don't know about you kids but if creepy Uncle Feta wants you to come closer the correct answer is "Fuck No" followed closely by a "Bitch you crazy" unfortunately for me I had made a promise to a cute Air force officer and my reaction was "Man wouldn't it look really brave if I walked up to him".
Approaching Cheese without fear because lets face it Captain Camembert in front of me wasn't exactly terrifying I started to feel what I could best describe as ET trying to phone home into my brain. ET unfortunately had borrowed my phone and was now swiping through my picture gallery rather than calling his parents to come and pick him up.
This pissed me off so I "retaliated" on instinct and instead of showing Cheese what he was looking for I started thinking of some really unpleasant stuff. That time I fell three stories out of a tree and luckily arresting my momentum via careful application of my testicles to a branch. Asking out a girl in High School with my award winning pick up line ""Well you could do worse"". Chasing my Sister around the house and nearly slicing my pinkie toe off when I ran into a door frame. At this point I ran out of actual painful memories off the top of my head and started experimenting with the theoretical. Being hit by Mustard gas and drowning in my own lungs. The Holocaust. Someones flesh sluicing off in the aftermath of a nuclear explosion. The butchering of modern Star Trek.
While I bombarded Cheese with the mental equivalent of an internet screamer the Air Force was freaking out because from their point of view I had walked towards Cheese and he had started trying to claw his own face off with an incongruous squeaking noise as his balloon like flesh rubbed against itself.
I was quickly ushered out of the room by Captain Riley and back to my family.
Day Eight
After being debriefed about what had happened by Captain Riley I was once again led into Cheeses cell. This time he looked much more nervous approaching me.
On the advice of Captain Riley I imagined an empty field which I confess looked exactly like the old Windows field wallpaper with a set of plastic patio furniture in it. If Cheese tried to leave this field then I had watched a Japanese horror movie last night so lets just say I was armed and dangerous.
As I sat there in my imaginary field I saw Edam waddling towards me apprehensively looking all around like this was some sort of trap. Unfortunately for Cheese my Edam joke had left me wondering where Eve was and we both found ourselves momentarily in a Garden with an apple tree and a Pink version of Cheese with breasts.
I managed to get myself under control quickly but I had spooked Cheese and he had disconnected from Apple chat by the time I was back in Windows field. He refused to reconnect with me for the rest of the day after that.
Day Twelve
Cheese squelched himself down warily into the patio chair across from me like he was sick of my mind games. (In my defence my idle thought two days prior about how he would fare against a youth soccer team after they just won the big game was a total accident)
""Hello"" I said cheerily with a big smile on my imaginary face
The bastard actually had the nerve to sigh. ""Greetings. Would you please stop messing around and help me now?""
""Help you?"" Well this was confusing
Then well Cheese or as he was known among his people Splash|Green|Ammonia relayed his life story. He was as he described it a highly respected War hero leading a resistance against a monster his people knew as Crackle|Black|Sulphur or The Beast. The Beast through trickery and guile had boarded one of his people ships and used what he called a "Nanoforge" to print itself a super-body and was now waging a war of genocide against his people culling them from a population spanning 8 planets to only 2. Cheese had landed on Earth to hopefully find a solution to fight The Beast.
Sadly for Cheese the mental connection worked both ways which led to some shocking revelations from his memories which he seemed wholly unaware I could access. Cheese was his peoples version of an Anthropologist relegated to study an unimportant pre-FTL civilisation (Us) because he had annoyed his superiors. The Burble|Navy|Brine or Gruyere version of studying us involved stalking the dark side of our planet and then imaging the minds of sleeping individuals to question them before he "deleted" read killed the images.
In a disaster no one could have predicted he had tried to image the indomitable mind of the ultra sexy being known as William Theodore Makepeace. Regrettably it being 4am six years ago on a school night I was still half-awake from a combination of Coca-Cola Addicted Insomnia, Nictophobia and Teenage libido.
My half awake mind while unconscious enough to fool his ships sensors was still able to get angry enough at the idea of being deleted and had taken control of the ship. Whereupon for the viewers playing at home he had picked one of the following options.
A. Printed himself a handsome new body, turned over the ship to the government and lived large off the finders fee for the technology coming out of the ship while surrounded by beautiful women.
B. Printed himself a female body and buggered off to LA to live as the sexiest sluttiest lesbian this side of the leprechauns pot of gold.
Well for those of you playing who picked Option C. EXTERMINATUS come see me after class because that wasn't on the test despite being the correct answer.
Anyway after his major fuck up Cheese had hidden in the cargo bay for the trip to his peoples nearest colony and been declared a War criminal when found among the survivors after the massacre that took place. He had been ordered on a suicide mission back to the Planet of the Apes to try and find something to defeat The Beast and save his people.
Now Cheese had gone about this in the only way he knew how and tried to image my mind from orbit, His bad luck continued when he found out my mind had somehow become inoculated to his bullshit and he had to sneak into my room and initiate physical contact to try and get my unconscious mind to actualize his malleable form into something that could possibly threaten The Beast. A couple of natural ones later and he was imprisoned in a government facility begging me for help the civilized way.
After discovering all this I shut down my link to Cheese by playing him the end of Independence day as way of good bye and relayed my findings to Captain Riley. After hearing about his peoples desperation and realising Cheese had the potential to turn us into a star-faring nation after that well to quote Obi-Wan "Negotiations were short".
submitted by Piemasterjelly to HFY [link] [comments]


2019.03.21 23:33 skrrrrrrrrrat Soccer mums naked

so i quit weed about three weeks ago and have been getting some wild af dreams so I'm going to get them down to boost my dream recollection as well as try recognize patterns that should turn them lucid in future, I've had multiple lucid dreams back in the day so i know what to do. Writing this down as a personal spot to collect my dreams but anyone can feel free to read

Writing this one the day after so my memory of it is hazy. Anyways, I'm in a Cessna 172 doing spin recoveries and it is going well till i suddenly realise i am way too close to ground. It is too late at this point as i am practically weaving this plane under power lines and in between buildings and shit. Powerlines seem to keep coming at me from nowhere and i can't get this plane to gain altitude. Finally i end up snapping the wing off on something in turn sent me crashing down. I was fine, pretty much stepped out of the bad boy unscathed and was more worried about the plane being wrecked and the money wasted. I wake up.
Had a dream where i went out with mates and this girl my friend liked started crushing on me serious. I have never met her in real life, she turns out to be quite the scoop and we hit it off pretty hard. End up having sex and wake up the next morning to find that my friends had all left and it was just her and i at the place we partied at. I remember seeing this as a passive aggressive move which was confirmed later on. I wake up in sweats. Falling back asleep again i entered into the same dream but this time I'm back at her place but its slightly different in layout, almost similar to a place i used to rent in that part of town. There was some serious dramas going down where her and her roommates were about to get evicted cause they were running late to show up for some court hearing or something. My friend took this as an opportunity to try help them out which i assumed was to try get in with this girl, at this point i also realised he was being hell salty towards me and basically not talking to me. At one point he threw a gym ball at the back of my head without word and when everyone questioned the behaviour he ignored them. Anyway, while waiting in this house with two other friends we shall call Cris and P, somehow weed got spilt everywhere and covered the place and this random girl from the street came up to chill out as we waited for everyone to get back up. Finally as people showed up at the door, i realised it was the girl with a few old friends i haven't seen in ages and my ex dressed up as Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, she mentioned something about a play or something, i remember talking to her and cracking a sweet joke about her costume which kind of made this new girl jealous. We all back in the house and things seemed to have sorted out good. I then wake up again in sweats.
Huge family gathering. Playing switch with all my cousins which there were a lot. Loads of random people i don't recognize but are my family. Playing some bootleg version of Mario Kart that was available for free online, this pissed me off cause i paid 60 bucks for the real version and this was just as good. Was having a bunch of my art moved out along with various other things which was weird cause i don't make art irl cept maybe a few things from visual arts back at highschool. Was also having a bunch of my old books from highschool moved, so travel diaries, doodles and my book where i used to write raps to pass time at work loool aswell as some really personal letters from exes and stuff. Anyways, an aunt i am close to is reading all this shit and is clearly like "what in the fuck" (i got some real stupid shit written) i notice her reading my raps and i grabbed it real quick and said yea lets not do that and packed it with the rest of my stuff. My cousin was reading a letter from my ex and having giggle, i too snatched this and packed it up. All in all it was pretty funny, my family is close with me so them finding out about all these personal details didn't bother me too much. I then wake up. so tired tho might sleep again
Hella weird one this one. Gone to a farm house that my uncle got to do some reno as well as chill their for the night with family. Couple friends came to. I rode up there on this motorbike that had two wheels parallel at the front and a large rear tyre. One of my mates ill call LC and his mum came too and they had bikes but 2 rear and one in front (more on this later). Normal gathering stuff occurs but then eventually some of use turn into animals overnight. Mostly cats. I did not but when some of us go missing then in the morning randomly wake up naked from the spots where these cats were we figured this farm house had a weird curse. My cousin told me my aunt and uncle turned into cats and awoke next to each other naked in some cot when we were looking for them. My friends mum also did the same with this random bloke that came through. There was this like counsellor guy there that was going to hook meant to like mend my friends mums relationship with this other guy but failed so miserably even though they were a good match and i found this funny like some shit out of a comedy. It turned out well for them anyway cause they turned into cats and hung out and later was found together in some shrubs or some shit. We spoke about the bikes and apparently the model i had with the two smaller wheels at the front was faster than the ones with two in the back. Fucking weird as fuck lol and kind of personal in a way. Man im fucked up haha. It was the next day in my dream apparently we had to try fix these low hanging powerlines. I wake up at this point. Might fall back asleep though still heaps tired.
March 26
Ok so three dreams here but i only remember pieces of them now: At an airport where i was in a lift and had to shower for some reason, i was in some kind if rush so i showered in the lift cause there was one in there lol i then realised i had no towel so im soaking wet and had to put my clothes on still wet when i realise the lift was about to open. The doors open and im buttnaked just holding my dick to cover it in front of this shocked family, they dont get in and the doors close so i get changed. At this same airport i am met by this gay couple, they were close friends but in real life i dont recognize them. One of them and i go into this bargain store to pick up some stuff when i realise those really nice bueno chocolates are on sale for insanely cheap (like 2 dollars for a box), there were also all these different flavors like arnotts biscuit chocolate filled, i remember trying to decide but couldnt then i attempted to mix and match one box so it had several different flavors but in doing so knocked a few itema behind the shelf and also missed out on a few cause it was suddenly high demand. This next part of my dream was either before the airport or after: i get off a bus and start skating on the footpath along the same route as this cause now for some reason i have to get back on lol. Im skating so shit and the path im on is super bumpy but i eventually get the hang of it. I bump into a little posse of youngins that resembled these guys from my work, they are walking about selling drugs. I say my whats up, one of them jokingly threatens me i tell him to fuck off and he finds it funny then i continue skating off. At one point during the skate i was on brick tiles and the shit got hell bumpy out of nowhere but somehow i was able to cruise over it by crouching low on my board. At one stage i almost came off my board right next to the bus as i was going down this hill where there were heaps of pedestrians out of nowhere that i had to dodge, also a police woman, the way i almost stack was funny as i kind of matrixed backwards in a way that wasn't physically possible.
So im a detective in training now and i have this absolute biiiiitch for a partner who is training me. Shes pretty hot tho. Anyways we are working a beat on this street in the city out of her car which is some van and my old bimmer. Somehow along the coast where we had parked had fucked up some shit for other officers to get on a crime scene cause apparently we parked right on the entrance to one. Shes getting heckled on the phone by superiors and of course is blaming me. We eventually get there to move the cars and are put in an overstay at this really nice posh af place with like three storeys. First thing that goes down is we have a huuuuge verbal fight once we get in as we suss out what this place is like, she isnt happy with it but i thought it was reeeaaallly high class. This place had a gym and like 10 tvs and was just huuuge, she seemed to be more experienced at being a detective and this seemed to be unsuitable. Anyways she is blaming me for it all and we are still having a massive fight, Much like one a married couple would have, im calling her a bitch yadayada at one stage she was still blaming me for botching a case but i already figured out some two step process for catching the perp and was like first we do this then that by popping up my right middle finger then my left, she found this funny i could tell but didnt laugh as to maintain the anger, i kept repeating it cause it was pretty funny for me and she was getting heaps annoyed by it after a bit. She ends up storming out to go get food cause we are both hungry, something like popeyes or something, none for me though so im forced to eat this packed lunch ive apparently had in this backpack which are literal silver coins and nuts that im just shovelling down by the handful. At this point this place turns into the big brother house cause theres heaps of different people here now, she returns with this other girl Tiara who just backs up every insult shes throwing at me lol. Meanwhile im just defending myself and going back to eating my coins and nuts when a group of guys turn up and try calm us down and ask me what the commotion is and stuff, these guys are super friendly, like i was training with them or something, among them was an old friend of mine Lachlan. I was sooooo thrilled to see him cause i havent seen this guy in forever in real life. Upstairs back to where i was eating there was this mid 40s dude on a table doing a crossword or some shit or trying to write a report and he sees me and obviously isnt pleased with all the commotion, says that because of me he wrote some word completely wrong and was really passive aggressive about the whole thing. He asked what my name was and i said JoJo which is a lie and he writes it down on some list then crossed it out real violent apparently going to show to my superiors. I found this pretty funny. I went back to shovelling the rest of the nuts and coins lunch and i wake up. Pretty annoyed cause this dream was heaps of fun. Just had another fucking wild one. Myself and some guys i recognize from work are at this skyscraper top floor level 50 or someshit in a fire escape but this fireescape had like a spiral staircase as well as a faulty cargo lift that would swing up multiple floors then down some. Andy and myself are being chased by Lawrence Fishburne and we try this faulty lift. We are swinging up and down so he cant get us but so he opts for another route to the roof which is where we have to go as our pursuers are coming from below. The lift wouldnt take us down. We jump off it once Lawrence is gone and realise another person in some bathrobe making his way up towards us. There is this sketchy af yellow emergency ladder that could take us to the roof from a couple floors down where we were at but it was way too sketchy. Now we are joined by a few others that randomly appear, also recognized as work mates and they are on the run too. Bathrobe dude is near us and he randomly leaps off the grating of our floor to try reach the grating from the level below because now he was being pursued too all of a sudden. He almost makes it but doesn't and hits the edge of the grate and falls backwards down the staircase center directly to the bottom. I remember grabbing his bathrobe before he jumped. Suddenly a guy is right behind us now closing in as we are running towards this weird hall enclosed by grates, i try chuck the bathrobe over his face but miss. He has a weapon as well. As we get chased this guy now has the bathrobe rope as a choker weapon and manages to swing it round my neck but i flip out of it onto this grating and see a bunch of junk, namely big magnifying glasses. I pick through three till i find one to use as a club and end up beating this dude a few times till he gave up and put his hands up. Then it gets real emotional here cause i turn to one of my workmates, a Lebanese guy, i ask him what the fuck he did in Russia and that he needed to tell the truth. Apparently this was why we were being chased. He spills the beans saying that most medical corporations only purchase pacemakers at original factory settings and that he knew of ways to reset used ones back to this to resell essentially making them faulty and under the guise of brand new to be resold. At this point i just walked towards one of the windows and was weeping uncontrollably. It was a real nice view, i dropped my magnifying glass weapon and just cried and looked out at the world. Then i wake up. Wild shit!
In Russia with two ladies and a guy both whom i know pretty well and am travelling with. We get on some cargo train and when it starts moving really fast i slide around and my phone comes out my pocket and i almost lose it off the edge. I too almost come off the edge but was lucky enough to stop myself with my surroundings. The train then stops at a platform where everyone gets off, we werent the only ones on the train there were actually quite a few others. we then boarded another train, this time a normal one. Here is where i got to chat with my three travel companions a bit more. One girl was a blonde short hair that i dont recognize in real life but was super friendly and i liked her the most as she could talk the most english and was generally the most welcoming, the guy had something shady about him and could only half speak english and half russian and the third girl had dark hair no english and was super quiet. As we travel on this train just for a bit we get off at a stop thats not a platform so we have to jump down a bit. Its super wet and snowy and partly muddy, theres not too many buildings around except for this one lot directly in front of where we get off that is red and only has one visible food shop open which is a bakery. This made sense as it was what felt like crack of dawn. Inside this bakery we find seats somehow even though it was so busy, so small and only had maybe three sets of seat and tables we found one to seat us all. I drop my bags along with the others and i line up with the blonde. We are talking about what to get and some other stuff i cant remember. Eventually when we move to the front of the line and i go to order, as i cant read or talk russian and she ordered first and went back to the table, i had to pick what was visible on the rack which were cakes and dessert stuff whereas i really felt like a pie or something. I gave in and pointed at this one cake that looked like the most classic birthday cake ever. The lady at the counter then ends up bagging up this whole cake for me and i thought fuck it cause i didnt want to hold up the line and km super hungry anyway. As i didnt know the price, i just held up ten whatever coins to her and she grabbed the necessary amount. Bringing the cake back to the table was super amusing to my russian travel buddies as they figured out what had happened. I ate this cake so fast and was somehow still hungry. Going up for seconds, this time i got two cream buns using the same method, the lady at the counter cracks a joke to her colleagues in russian who laugh and using one word i hear as "Akran". I somehow piece together that this meant asian and i went back to the table to ask whether this was true, the guy laughs but the blonde gets a little upset as she finds this to be racist and didn't want to me thinking this represented her country, dark hair girl was just reading something. I wake up. Had an arvo nap and returned to my same dream from in russia. This time the group im with is a little more fleshed out as i know who each is reminded me of. Dave was there, Blondey is Mia and the guy turns out to be this multimillionaire entrepreneur with a borderline world destroying plan. Several others with me too maybe 5 others who represent other people aswell. Anyway so multimillionaire has this massive out door gated storage facility still being partly made, its well guarded and high tech af with like these little black and orange lit owl lanterns at each storage container which probably got bigger underground, this place was nested deep in a jungle as well. The purpose of this facility was to bank and house the richest of the world's most personal and secret items. Multibillionaire discussed this to us as being linked to eventual singularity of the world but could only reach those in money or power and housed some of the world's best kept secrets. I remember we were all drinking getting hella drunk but were still able to articulate, also we all spoke really good english now. I was speaking most with this one guy whom i cant place, i remember that multibillionaire's purpose was to use this facility to continue to make more money but i tried to convince them on length that this place held way more potential to be able to save the whole human population if a major crisis were to occur. Billionaire wasnt too impressed and continued talking about what developments could occur. Finally as we leave the facility this is where i noticed the owl lantern and also that i have had several beers. As we get outside suddenly its as if all the drinks hit us at once, one guy even just passes out cold on his feet as we are all saying goodbyes and falls backwards smashing this empty vodka bottle in his hand, was pretty funny. we were outside this grocery store called feminiCHASIS in like tryingtobe futuristic sci fi writing. I was talking to Mia now as i was to return home within a few days whilst they were staying in Russia and some others like Dave and stuff were leaving the next day. I remember her saying if she doesnt see me before thursday then ciao for now or something but i said i hadnt yet booked a flight back and it might take a bit but she meant it as if she would be hella busy from then out. I said i didnt mind the time alone cause i had heaps of ways to pass the time like their netflix for example was super loaded and we joked about another location that i could pass time with (bar or something) then we joked more about other locales we had been to whilst chilling in russia such as feminiCHASIS which we had a mad laugh at. At this point i woke up, feeling hell emotional for some reason. Kinda didnt want to wake up from that one..
March 30
two dreams, im in the 1920s and im stranded at this shopping district with no money and hungry so im trying to steal cars off people, it was super easy at the time. eventually i give up on trying to steal a car and go to some posh upperclass cafe to try steal food. suddenly i see a girl getting scolded but what seemed to be her boss so i use this distraction to nick off with a whole tray of quiche and some other big pie. I notice then that this girl had been fired and was pretty upset. i left around the back and seen her leaving teary eyed and i said hey you ok? i got a surprise for you. i lead her to some playground at an empty park where somehow i had my loot stashed. i bought out the quiches and pie from behind some brick wall which somehow i got their earlier and her and i just had a picnic which made her feel better. woke up. slept again and dreamt my old bmw was now baby blue and semi looking like a vw buggie but more buff. this friend who i cant place and myself are at a car dealership where rhis attractive blonde lady comes up and she wants to buy the car. apparently we are here to sort a deal. so in the office we chat and through just a bit i somehow get a 40k deal from her. as she is about to sign off she stops abruptly and says umm ok i just got back a character reference and im afraid i can only do 5k due to a character reference of that of MRT...i said what the fuck is that but she looked at me stern and wrote it down and showed me. i still had no idea what she was talking about those arent my initials? shes now acting real rude and sly saying jargon and my friend is irate. i cant remember the exacts of the coversation as this dream was basically just me dealing with a nice looking but scummy saleswoman though at some point it got real personal. At one stage i even questioned her life ethics and that if she was happy with her career choice. she was visibly upset and choking back tears as she tried to keep face by calling my question seedy and then attempting to justify her actions. i remember saying something along the lines of imagine how many other people before me that arent to bright having money just taken from their wallets unknowingly due to slight ignorance to the value of their cars. i remember her comparing my question to if she were to come to my house and ash cigarette all over my bedroom which i retort with that one action is a question of moral compass whereas the other is deliberate negligence of someone else's property where my friend was like yeaa! and she was pretty owned from that statement. i then start going a bit deeper with why she chose her career path and if she is happy with her life making money off ignorance and ripping people off. shes almost at tears at this point. then i wake up feeling kind of angry like i was actually just in a heated arguement. what the fuck lol
March 31
Such an awesome dream holy shit. So its in three or two parts but only remember maybe 2 or all but seems like 2 cas i woke up in between but somehow kept goin back. So im at some festival or something in brazil with a heaaap of people are there. I remember not really enjoying myself and trying to get back to my cabin or whatever and a big soccer game was going down with loads of people on the border of the field using this big ass plastic surrounding us too make this enclosure. i had to walk thru but somehow it kept closing me in and i had to duck and sometimes crawl to make my way thru but it seemed each person holding the border kept trying to trap me in or nudge me as if to make me try join in. I wake up, slept again and returned into the same dream this time at the same thing but with a bunch of friends and workmates and my supervisors from work are actually these team leaders in charge of us all cause we are on a field trip. So much is going on so many colours and all these people are tripping nuts. The most crucial part of this was when i am in my designated group doing some scavenger hunt when big fireworks pop off and commotion and some dutch stuntman snowboarder is about to do some epic shit. they had snow laid out as this fat course he was about to tear up through brazil where it doesnt snow lol. so he launches out this chopper into a slope ontop of a truck and starts to do a maddd af line. first with like a 360 gainer off truck lands perfect then he 180 nose grinds a bench. easy. then does some shit over a whole street gap and eventually does a few more tricks over some obstacles and comes to a stop at this group of people. meanwhile i was running trying to follow this whole line along with some people in my group. amazing shit. we get to the group of gnardogs and apparently the final festival was about to go down. They had these things launch high up into the air and come flying down, they were rc cars but if you catch one youre meant to throw it back up and they jet propel themselves off in like a firework fashion. The guys that tried to catch these kept having it hit their heads for some reason lol. accident im sure. one guy was even profusely bleeding but was having the time of his life. Suddenly one he threw up started coming back down towards me and as spirit of the festival i just let it smash me clean in the face and then threw it back up. Everyone laughed and even the stuntdude came up and patted my back. at this point our supervisors for the field trip were trying to get us back to the bus or someshit but some workmates and i and a few others plus these stunt guys and event hosts were just having too much fun running about with loads of others in the festivity just launch rc car fireworks haaha. it was pure joy and sooo many fine ladies. bliss. i felt like i was on the best acid trip. then one of the dudes that was bleeding hard put his arm around my shoulder and was like, youre gna love this next part. try catch as many as you can ok! Suddenly, what looked like a swarm of bubbles with items inside floood the center of the festival and eveeeeryone is cheering. at this point my teamleader who is kenny from work found my group and is ushering us back but a few of us and myself break from it and try catch these bubbles which are now flooding the air of the town like little parachutes. everyone is out trying to fetch as many as possible and suddenly this song is playing and partly being sung. it was the happiest song ive ever heard. i manage to catch like 2 or 3 bags or bubbles or whatever and notice there are fruit inside like big raspberries and big cranberries the size of my hand. I remember now that these were filled with LSD and i just munched down the raspberry and started running back towards my bus surrounded by bubble fruit rainfall and beautiful music. everyone is tripping nuts and as i am running back, like being on the tops of columbia i saw this absolutely breathtaker of a view of this city with lsd fruit bubble rainfall just drizzling down upon the city. I stopped and admired and teared up from how gorgeous this was. so much color and this song just being sung by the locals i felt so welcome and warm but my field trip was about to leave so i had to run back to them. then i wake up. fuck i wish it couldve lasted longer.
submitted by skrrrrrrrrrat to Dreams [link] [comments]


2018.09.06 11:32 underwater-octopus Naked soccer mums

Hi. For background information: 17, AFAB, been questioning my gender for more than one and a half year now. Also sorry, this is really long, but i needed to write down all my thoughts. i'll be super thankful for everyone who takes the time to read and respond to this <3

What makes me think I'm trans:


what makes me doubt that i'm trans:
submitted by underwater-octopus to asktransgender [link] [comments]


2018.07.01 22:11 aspienwild Naked soccer mums

Yesterday I adopted my inner child. We were on the balcony and I took her away from some memories I was having of her.. she's about 7-10 (I think this is because I've been working with a lot of kids this age in my volunteering and that triggered me). Anyway so I felt a bit awkward at first, I said she could talk to me about what was happening at home.. but I didn't wanna send her back. I felt irresponsible but I told her hey.. I want to adopt you, you get to live with me from now on. I couldn't send her back there. She was overjoyed but uncomfortable at first. I said let's go back inside.
Well she was in awe when she saw the living room. She couldn't believe we got to live there now. We have quite a nice modern looking living room, but this girl was forced to grow up in squalor and half finished kitchens with no tiles, hoarding, mechanical parts always everywhere, always dreaming of living in a nice home. She was shocked. She loved it all, even though it's just an apartment.
When I took her to our room she just about freaked. I told her I did all this for her. Her eyes lit up. I put the fairy lights on and she started crying.. like seriously balling her eyes out. A queen bed, just for me? At that age she was still sharing a double bed with her mum and baby brother. She couldn't believe how organised and minimalist the room was, and she was actually allowed to have books.. she said she wanted me to help understand the content of all the books and she wanted to read them all. She was literally inspecting every single item in the room, smelling candles and feeling soft mink blankets.. I realised something. I did do all this for her. Without even realising it.. the luxury I afforded I afforded for her. I worked hard for her to have this beautiful room. She wanted to be seen, her deep desires known, and I saw them and gave them to her.
I told her she could do whatever she wanted here. No more dumb rules. I bought her some pizza and she ate like she's never eaten pizza before (she hadn't tbh).. she was just beaming. I told her she could play soccer or learn to draw and I'd pay for it all. Where she came from her parents don't spend any money on her, basically keep her enslaved in the house.. wasn't even allowed to have any friends. I told her she could make any friends she wanted. She cried a lot.. and I cried too. She just kept saying "I can't believe anyone did this for me" and she said she wants me to be her mum.
I told her we were even allowed to have sex (me being 27 and not actually 10 - yeah I know this weird but I need to heal my ideas about sex too) and she had the biggest grin. She went through a book I have which has naked drawings and was surprised we were allowed to have this, she was so happy and while looking through it she said "ooh la la" which I found hilarious.. I think that's how normal kids are supposed to treat such drawings, just an innocent mischievous wonder. Again in the household we grew up in, sex and pleasure were absolutely forbidden, and even seeing a woman's body in a tight dress on tv was a punishable offence. I never got to experience a normal puberty and interest in boys or in myself, it was totallg bastardised and masturbation was always done in extreme shame. She has much safer and purer ideas about sex than I developed through bad experiences. She's me before I internalised the crap my parents fed me. She sees sex as just a gateway to pleasure which involves the dating process and the mating rituals and an appropriate amount of privacy.. so simple. Tbh I never knew what sex was, I just thought it was something people did and I had to do it to be normal. I never even knew what privacy was.. she's taught me all of that.
The weird thing is, being a kid she has no social anxiety and is smarter than me about a lot of things. She is very clear on who she likes and who she doesn't like, who's being rude and who's playing power games, whereas I've always gotten all those signals mixed up. She has no fear and when I present a social problem to her, she's so matter-of-fact about it. I tell her a problem that I have and she just says "alright just do this and if that doesn't work do this instead". She knows how to get what she wants and she's not so afraid to make mistakes.. and with my knowledge and ability to protect her, I feel like when we fuse we will have a good time together. I think the fusion process is just about me getting to know her and see her and be curious about her opinions about everything.. like a healthy mother should do for their child.
Anyway that's something I wanted to share because it was kind of a big deal to me and quite the experience to recover a self that was still resistant to the oppressors before being brainwashed.. it's made me appreciate the extent of freedom and choice I have today which I had never really fully realised before.
submitted by aspienwild to CPTSD [link] [comments]


2018.04.16 21:31 im_on_the_case Soccer mums naked

The spectacle of Hurling is unlike anything else in sport. I was a slightly less than terrible footballer growing up and as a result my exposure to hurling was pretty much limited to a brief introduction at the age of six before being marched off to boot a ball for the rest of my youth. I have vague memories of my dad screaming at the Tip hurlers on the telly and legendary tales of my dear old mum who was reportedly an animal Camogie player in her youth.
The reality was that I never really paid Hurling much attention, I pretended to be interested in the occasional All Ireland final when Tip was in it as an attempt to scrounge a few quid from my very distracted auld man. I always had a stick and sliotar, loved to smack it around with friends in the park. These days I have two, one by the bed and one by the front door. In my opinion a half naked, overweight, middle aged man brandishing a hurley is a far more terrifying deterrent than a half naked, overweight, middle aged man brandishing a baseball bat.
After years of ignoring the game I finally started paying it attention after emigrating to the USA. I guess it started while horsing down Irish breakfasts in NYC pubs while homesick. Occasionally a game would be shown and I'd become transfixed. The speed, the skill, physicality, there's nothing like it.
Now after that long winded ramble, to my point. In recent years I've noticed a lot of my dear Yankee friends getting more and more jaded with their own sports. The scandals, relentless commercial interruptions, franchises bouncing from town to town like vagrant hookers. Many of them found distraction in soccer but even there the greed and over commercialization has become tiring.
Interest in rugby stateside has also grown but like soccer its appeal has been limited by the viewing availability with half a dozen paid subscriptions needed to adequately follow the action.
Then there's Hurling, now no offense to football, it's a terrific game but just doesn't have the same wow factor out of the gate. I've recently been showing hurling videos to a number of friends and acquaintances the reactions are always the same:

  1. This is incredible!
  2. The is legal?
  3. What do you mean this isn't professional?
  4. Where can I watch more of this?
It's the last question that leaves us a little flat, year there's some decent highlights and the odd match that I can point them to but anyone who really wants to get invested in the sport will need a little more. Really the only option, from what I can see, is GAAGO. This just doesn't fit the bill as only the most frivolous spender is going to fork out a subscription fee for something they are not yet fully invested in.
There is an absurd amount of sport bundled with even the most basic cable subscriptions over here. I can jump onto WatchESPN and see frail old ladies dueling it out live in the Commonwealth lawn bowling competition or jump to Fox sports and catch a lousy Brazilian soccer league match.
With more and more top tier professional sports getting shuffled from the standard packages to subscription services such as ESPN+ and NBC Gold there is great potential for the GAA to fill some holes in the lineup and dramatically grow interest in the sport. Surely GAAGO subscriptions in the US aren't that lucrative?
While current subscriptions probably cover the broadcast/bandwidth costs and add a little to the kitty. The organisation could absorb a little hit to offer that same programming in overseas markets. By doing so they could potentially see a nice return of investment down the line if viewership and interest grows beyond the expat community.
Perhaps they have little interest in expanding beyond the traditional viewership after all it does sustain itself. Still if there was a windfall down the line and a surge of interest in the US and other markets, imagine how that money could be invested back into the sport at home: pitch upgrades, youth programs, floodlights just to name a few.
There is of course a very good chance that this has been considered and smarter men than myself have run the numbers, done the market research and rightfully discarded the thought. Still, I can't help but feel a little sad anytime I show sports fans here the hurling for the first time, seeing their eyes light up at the clash of the ash, marveling at the ferocity and technical skill of a sport so pure and exciting that it leaves most others in the dust. Yet the barrier of entry to pursue it further is just a step too far.
submitted by im_on_the_case to GAA [link] [comments]


2016.01.10 19:47 manen_lyset Why I never went to school without animal crackers in my bag

"Give me your animal crackers," Tommy said sternly.
"I don’t have any," I replied.
"Graham bears, then," he said, not missing a beat.
"I don’t have those either!" I answered.
"You know what this means, right?" he asked, eyes narrowing as he motioned to the rusted metal door, "You’re going down in the basement!"
"No!" I whined pointlessly.
There was no reasoning with Tommy. He’d been held up a year after flunking his grade, which meant he was the oldest in our class. People were naturally afraid of him, and the other bullies were quick to join his clique. He could get away with anything. He was bigger and faster than me. Before I could even try to run, he had me by the collar. He threw the door open and tossed me into the darkness, shutting the door behind him. I tried to open it, but I could tell he was putting all his weight on it to keep me from escaping. My only choice was to wander down and hope to find a light switch.
The basement at our grade school was a really spooky place, and we weren't allowed down there. That didn't stop Tommy from using it as his personal prison. You see, the door was in a secluded area behind the stairs at the back of the building, out of sight from the security cameras. All Tommy had to do was post a couple look-outs in the hallway, and he had the ultimate bullying spot. He’d pick on our weaker classmates and threaten to lock us up if we didn't give him our snacks. Everyone always caved. That day was my turn, but mum hadn't done the groceries for the week yet.
I don’t know what was worse, the fear of the unknown, or the possibility that the rumors I’d heard were true. I’d never met anyone who’d survived being in the basement before, but I’d heard plenty of people talk about the ‘Clock Man’. Apparently, if you stood in the darkness for long enough, you’d hear him whisper tick tock, tick tock from every corner of the room. The numbers of ticks added up to the amount of years left in your life. In hindsight, it sounded stupid, but to a kid, it was terrifying.
As I stood there in the bleak room, I nervously touched the cement wall and tried to find my way around. Maybe I’d find another exit, I hoped. My heart pitter-pattered faster and faster as I went down the stairs. I wish I had grabbed the heavy stapler in my desk when I saw Tommy eyeing me in class earlier. That way, at least I would have had something with which to defend myself. What would I do if the Clock Man appeared?
From the corner of the room, I heard a shuffling sound, and let out a scared yelp.
"Who’s there?" I screamed, clutching my book bag tightly against my chest.
Tick … tock … tick … tock … tick … tock …
I panicked. I didn't even think to count how many ticks I heard. I just darted back up the stairs and to the door as fast as my little feet could take me. My arms slammed against the metal in desperation.
"Let me out!" I shouted, "The Clock Man’s going to get me! Please let me out!"
There was no answer from the other side, not even the sound of Tommy and his friends laughing.
Tick … tock … tick … tock … tick … tock …
I tried the handle, and found it unlocked. I pushed the door open, only to stagger into the empty hallway. Tommy had had his fun and hadn't stuck around afterwards. He’d gone after some other kid in the hopes of getting fruit gushers or something.
Trying to hide my tears, I shuffled to the washroom and hid in one of the stalls. I didn't want my fellow classmates to see me cry. I’d never live it down. More importantly, I didn't want Tommy to see me like this. If I showed any weakness, I knew he’d start picking on me full time. It wasn't fair, but that was life in grade school.
I eventually convinced myself that one of Tommy’s friends must have been hidden in the basement the whole time, and that the clock man wasn't real. It was the only way I could sleep that night. From that point on, I made sure to always have animal crackers on me, just in case Tommy picked on me again.
I’d love to say that Tommy got his comeuppance soon after, but it took a few years, and I wish I’d just let it go.
Grade 6 had just started, I had had quite the growth spurt over the summer, and easily towered over everyone in my class---including Tommy. My parents had put me into soccer camp, so I’d also gotten in shape as well. While Tommy had seemingly forgotten about my little stint in the basement, I hadn’t.
He was getting ready to bully Peter, one of the scrawny kids in my class. Tweedledee and Tweedledum were sticking to Tommy like magnets. Typical. Without Tommy, they had no authority. I watched and waited from the stairwell as they harassed poor Peter, pushing him against the door. I knew Peter wasn't going to be able to “pay” Tommy, because I’d temporarily taken custody of his lunchbox. You know, for the greater good. I waited until Tommy opened the basement door, before jumping into view pushing Tommy inside.
The look of shock in his eyes was well worth the trouble. Peter ran off like a scared rabbit, and Tommy’s accomplices followed suit. I guess they never expected anyone to fight back and didn't know how to react. With a smirk, I shut the door just as Tommy tried to leave.
It didn't matter how big he was, I was bigger now, and I wasn't letting that door budge. His irate yells and banging noises soon stopped, and I assumed he headed down the stairs to explore, just like I had.
After ten minutes without a sound or escape attempt, I brought my ear to the surface of the door. I could hear the muffled sounds of whimpering inside. That’s the difference between me and people like Tommy. He didn't care who he hurt, but I did. His cries formed a knot of guilt in my stomach. With a sigh, I opened the door and called out to him.
"All right dude, you can come out now. If you pull this crap again, I'm locking the door and throwing away the keys."
Tommy was sobbing.
I rolled my eyes, "I won’t even tell people you’re afraid of the dark. C’mon."
I got a little worried when he failed to reply, so I used my bag to prop the door open and wandered into the basement. I could barely see his silhouette in the farthest corner.
"Tommy, c’mon. Let’s go," I murmured.
Tick … tock … tick … tock …
As my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I began to make out the silhouette, and it sure as hell wasn’t Tommy. The man was large, bald, and completely naked. He was curled on the floor, hugging his knees as he ticked away the time. The hairs at the back of my neck stood on end at the sight of his patchy, rotten skin.
Not far from him was Tommy, staring at him like a deer in the headlights. Tears were falling from his paralyzed face. I grabbed him and yanked hard, dragging him towards the stairs in a frenzy. Tommy snapped out of his stupor once we reached the top, and ran down the hallway without a single word.
I shut the door behind me, trying to cast away the image of the Clock Man while wondering what I should do. Tell a teacher? I’d get in trouble for going into the basement. Run after Tommy? Pretend it never happened?
I decided to follow the trail of tear drops and the sounds of Tommy whimpering. I found him in the same bathroom stall I’d hidden in years before.
"Listen, you’re fine, all right?" I said, reluctantly trying to reassure him.
"Y-you saw him too, right? Th-the Clock Man?" he asked me.
"Yeah …"
"How many ticks?" he asked.
"Uhn … I don’t know. He was still going at it when we left. Why?" I replied.
"… h-he only ticked once for me," he replied.
I didn't know what to tell him, so I just stood outside the stall and kept him company. It’s weird. I’d hated this kid for years, but seeing him break down made him seem like a completely different person. Under other circumstances, we might even have become friends.
Eventually, we went back to class, and never spoke of the incident. He was never the same afterwards, always obsessed with the clock on the wall and looking over his shoulder.
Exactly one year to the day, Tommy was in a fatal car accident.
Honestly, I'm glad I didn't count my ticks. I don’t think I could deal with knowing when I'm going to die.
submitted by manen_lyset to nosleep [link] [comments]


2012.07.31 14:07 tabledresser [Table] IAmA person who was molested for 5 years straight. 657 charges were just recently brought against my abuser and he is now in jail. AMA

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Date: 2012-07-31
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Questions Answers
Are you ok? Yes, I am. I still have thoughts of it every now and then, but they don't bother me anymore. It's over. It's finally over and I can breathe now. I'm feeling pretty damn good about myself, my choices, and my life at the moment. :)
Sorry if I missed something if your posts, but did your mom ever find out or even have suspicions? I'm sure she had her suspicions, but never said anything to me or asked me. She didn't find out before she died.
EDIT: And my therapist told me "she knows now", knowing I'm an atheist. I said no, she doesn't, shes fucking dead. She has the nerve to say to me...maybe that's part of your problem, you need to find gawd to help you through this. I said fuck you and got a new therapist.
I refuse to believe your mom never knew about this. It's not like he was doing this to you outside of your house, and I'm sure there were plenty of clues she chose to ignore for this to go on for so long. Maybe she did. I refuse to believe that though. She's dead and gone and it doesn't matter now anyway, so I choose to remember her in a positive light.
PS! Relevant, and I thought you'd get a laugh from this: Link to i.imgur.com. Yes, I did. Thanks for that! :)
Thank you for the honest answer. Did you ever find out if he himself was abused as a child? That's usually where it starts. If he was, I never heard about it.
How does this effect your orgasms in the preset? I can understand how it could happen but I can imagine that you would began to associate orgasms with fear and disgust. I know when I first started masturbating as a young teenager, I was ashamed because I felt I was doing something dirty. So with each orgasm, I had a sweeping wave of guilt that intensified following the orgasm. Is there something similar that happened and were you able to overcome it? Has no effect on my current orgasms. I used to have flashbacks when receiving oral from my SO, but haven't had that lately. I'm really comfortable with my SO and in my own skin now.
How do they come up with 657 for the number of charges? My timeline and testimony. He was home from work every other weekend. He would touch my breasts at least three times during his stay. So, 12 times a month for 4 years straight. Things like that.
How would you describe your current sex life and general feelings toward sex? Is it something you desire and enjoy? Or is it something your permit and tolerate for the benefit of your partner? No, I love sex. I have been in therapy for years so that I don't get flashbacks from it. Mostly receiving oral. That was the hardest part. That's what he did to me the most. I have moved past it, and I have a healthy (if not maybe too much) sex drive now.
As someone who was also molested by a father figure (my actual father, but I didn't see him often) I feel that it affects my relationship with my children. I've made it a point to always ask if I can kiss them or help them wash in the bath (well with my 3 year old at least, my 7 month old is too young still), so that they always understand that their body is their own. I also second guess what is and isn't okay, and if someday I'll become a monster like him. Do you feel your molestation has affected your relationship with your kids? No, and contrary to what you do, I am very free with them and myself. I walk around naked a lot. I still take baths with my 6 yr old and 4 yr old (they are both girls). I just had the sex talk with my 6 yr old a month ago when she started asking questions. I want to be as open with them as possible so they feel as if they can talk to me about anything. So, hopefully, if this were to ever happen to them, they would tell me.
I have nothing to gain here today other than freedom to try and live my life, knowing he cannot hurt me or someone else the way he hurt me. This made me cry. I've always regretted not taking the man who abused me, because I know I'm not his only victim--and I know only one of several have come forward (and she's only been granted a restraining order). Are you doing okay, dear? <3. If you can do it, do it. It will be hard, so very hard, but it will feel like an incredible weight is lifted off your shoulders. At least tell SOMEONE. I told not a soul until last year. It's very freeing, even if he doesn't get punished. Word will spread anyway and people will be weary, maybe save a few others from getting hurt. I'm doing much better now. I've really gained a lot of confidence to do this. Standing up and addressing him in the court room was one of the most difficult things I have ever done and I would do it again in a heartbeat. I have found peace and freedom.
Wow. You have incredible courage to come forward. Props to you for putting your life together after such horrors. I do have a question, and feel free to ignore it if it's too hurtful. Do you have any happy memories of him at all? Times where he wasn't abusing you, but just took you out for ice cream or something? Yea, I do. He wasn't always a monster. And even in between the bad times when he did things to me, he did treat me well. We went four wheeler riding, hunting (yea, I know I should have shot him :P), fishing, camping, movies, etc. I was really into soccer, basketball, and softball. He ever refereed a lot of my soccer games and came to all my game to root for me. He woulda been a great dad if he didn't do those things to me and I think that makes it worse. It was hard to hate him as a child because of how nice he was. It would have made it easier if he was mean.
So he was your stepdad? Did you resent your mom for marrying this monster? Yes, my stepdad. I kind of did. He had charges brought against him before for this kind of thing. She stood by him while I remained silent. She was always by his side, and yes, that hurt me.
Was he found not guilty on those previous charges? Yes, but what he did was minor and he just got probation.
This is confusing. either he was convicted of the charge(s) or not. there is no such thing as being found not guilty but still receiving a punishment. this makes no sense. please explain. He was convicted of two of the charges in accordance with his plea bargain.
I don't understand. If he was found not guilty why did he got probation? Because at the time it was his first offense. They went easy on him I guess. He admitted it and entered a guilty plea for the very first case. Took a deal.
Ahh, now I understand. It's like guilty, but 'not technically exactly as guilty' at the same time. Legal stuff is confusing. Exactly.
I'm so sorry this happened to you, I can't even imagine having to go through that especially from such a young age. Sorry to even make you think about this, but I've always been very curious of the mind of these kinds of the people. While he was abusing you, did he seem to know it was wrong? Did he try to convince you it was all right? Do you have any idea what was going on in his mind at the time? You said that he mostly gave you oral, as if he was trying to please you, maybe in his sick mind, that was his way of making it up to you? No, he didn't even seem paranoid of getting caught. He rarely said anything, just directed me with motions. He was drunk a lot of the time. In the whole time he did things to me, he never once had an orgasm that I know of. But many times he could have came in his pants or in his hand and I would never have known cause I never looked at him or his penis. I saw it one time and freaked and never looked again. At the time I saw it, I didn't know what one looked like and to say I was scared of it is an understatement. I prefer not to delve into his mind.
Well shit man, what am I suppose to ask you? You've literally covered everything in your opening post. Sorry? I'm nothing if not thorough :)
Do you think this justice enough? Or are you angry with the only 6-15 years? Personally I feel as if he should be in jail for life. I did what I could. I hoped for more, but am happy with what I got. Hes 60 now, so even 6 years in is gonna seem like a lot at the end of his life.
Who is your favorite pony? :) This is a welcome question through all this, and I thank you immensely! :) Now, you can downvote me because I don't like nor know any of the my little ponies. So I don't have a favorite. My favorite author is Christopher Hitchens, though.
I didn't want to say this until after your response, but clearly the trauma didn't drive you to theism, nor was it required to overcome the trauma. Well done. Recovery is so much harder when you can't throw all your troubles on someone else! Damn right it is! And the atheist community I belong to on facebook was very supportive. They really helped me think rationally through it all. I owe them quite a bit of gratitude.
So the only reason he got convicted of those charges was because he had already had a record of child molestation by the time you brought them up? Im just curious here. Kind of. He took his punishment. If we would have went through with the trial and he found guilty of that many charges, he would have never gotten out of prison. With him making a plea bargain and taking that deal, he got a lesser sentence. I had a good shot at putting him away forever, I can remember many details about my abuse. But it could have went either way. He chose the lesser time.
Your SO is 32 years older than you. It's a bit out of the norm, but not unheard of to have such an age discrepancy in a relationship. Is your partner choice in some way, or directly related to the molestation? We met online. Had a "relationship" on there for 8 months before we met. I didn't go out seeking an older man. We were just friends on an online game and got to talking. I fell in love with his mind, not his age or body. He sometimes tells me he feels like a perv or being with someone so much younger, but anyone that knows us, knows I'm the perv. He's from michigan, I'm from PA. He drove down to meet me, went back home for a month, then left with nothing but his truck and his clothes and a toolbox and came to live with me. He left his house (that he owned) and everything else behind and we've been together ever since. More than three years now.
What was the game? Dammit, I was hoping you guys wouldn't ask that! It's just too embarrassing! sigh..It was yoville, a facebook game. :/
How did it start? He would want to go to the store or something and he was really nice to me. I would ask to come along. So, he just started hugging me extra long and grabbing my rear end. Then it moved to wrapping his arms the whole way around me and cupping my breasts. Then he would start making me put my hand on him and progressed from there.
You doin okay these days? Yep. Just finished beauty school, in a long term relationship, have two beautiful girls, and just living life. I'm happy. It's made me who I am and although I'm definitely not grateful or thankful for it, it's made me a stronger person.
Which was more harming, the abuse itself or how you viewed yourself after the abuse? It's hard to choose. I would say after. But not how I viewed myself, how I viewed all men and all adults for a long time afterwards.
Did you blame yourself? Why did you feel guilty, why you didn't tell anybody earlier? I don't think I ever blamed myself for the actual abuse. I still blame myself for the kids he hurt while I remained silent. I felt as if I couldn't tell anyone, because they would get hurt too. Family was everything to me.
What made you want to finally bring him to justice/Why did you wait? His facebook. I just happened upon it one day (and in this state registered sex offenders aren't allowed to have them) and he had tons of little girls on there as friends. That just did me in for some reason. If I KNEW for sure he wasn't hurting anyone else, I could keep quiet and let it go. Since I was pretty damn sure after that that he wasn't I couldn't hold it in anymore. I waited because, in my opinion, it was only hurting me by not telling. If I told, my mother and whole family would go down with it too. Why hurt them as well? But at that time, my mother had passed and I was out on my own and while it still may hurt some, it was worth it to bring him to justice anyway. (and I saved at least two little girls from getting further abused because I did it)
WTF are little girls doing with Facebook profiles?? 10-16 year olds.
All sexual offenders reoffend. They are extremely hard to rehabilitate. That's what I hear now.
What is the best advice you can give to others giving support to friends who have had similar traumatic experiences? are there key phrases that need to be heard, specific do's or don'ts? i think its great that you've had the strength to post this, thank you. It's not your fault and it's worth it to come out about it and YOU'RE worth it. That it's freeing. Don't feel self-righteous, just confident. There is a big difference. There is always someone to turn to for support. Take advantage of that.
I am so sorry this happened to you. If you don't mind me asking, did he ever have actual intercourse with you? you said oral and touching and stuff but did he take your virginity too? also, did he ever force you to perform oral on him? I would imagine not because you could have refused or something, but at the same time you said he was very authoritative of you, and maybe you were so scared you felt like you had to? Sorry if it's too personal. No, and I didn't even tell the cops this, but he used...other objects on me..
I've always wondered about this. Did you feel any pleasure from any of the encounters? I'm sure most were negative. Unwelcome pleasure. I didn't like it.
I took my abuser to court two years ago, only because I had moved and he had started stalking my old best friend. He was found not guilty. It's the single biggest disappointment I've ever felt in myself; it had happened before I was 12, and I couldn't remember most of it, so my testimony suffered as a result. Now I get flashbacks and wonder if I ever have a shot at any kind of relationship, if I could ever be touched without thinking of him--especially since he's still on the streets. I've tried getting help, and it's never really helped. You might be the only person who could understand this. Do you have any advice? I'm sorry. I don't really know what to tell you. You must talk more. About everything you can think of. You need to stop worrying about him. Warn everyone you know about him and tell them to spread it, then let him go. There's not much else you can do. You need to worry about you and not about who else he could be hurting. If you don't let that go, you'll never find peace.
Why did he stop at 16? I he boobs.
A child molester being interviewed by Oprah once said he was a murderer of sorts. He didn't physically kill anyone, but he killed who they could have become. I get teary eyed when I think about it. How different would my life have been if my innocence hadn't been stolen, if I didn't have to live with what had been done to me? I think about that a lot. So do I. Try to stop worrying about the "what-ifs" and live in the now and look to the future.
Between the ages of 11-13 I molested 3 girls, and for the past 10 years been slowly torturing myself for it. At the behest of my parents I'm going to get help, but here's my question to you, though you probably won't see it: Do you think things would have been different if it wasn't your stepdad, but someone closer to your age? Well, if they were my age, I would have simply said no or told a parent. When it's a parent doing it, it takes that away. He IS the authority figure. Who do I tell that wouldn't get me hurt more? That was the problem.
Wow, I wonder what the reason is for this. He only likes children so a product of maturity is a turn off? Different pedos have different types of kids they prey on. Take priests for example, they may not actually be suppressed gays, it's just the only thing that is available for them to take advantage of. The way I see it, it's like any other attraction. Say, for example, you are attracted to asians. You don't know why, you just are. Same for them. Only difference is that one is acceptable with an adult, the other is not.
What caused it to stop? I'm probably way late to the party, but I was also molested by my stepfather while I was 11-14. One of the main reasons I never told anyone (even social workers who came to talk to me about what my neighbors/friends suspected) was because he was the financial provider in our family. I told my mom about it and she always said it would never happen again, and then the next weekend they would get drunk and he would sneak into my room again. The only reason it stopped was because one night, i had snuck a paring knife from the kitchen and hidden it under my pillow. I had thought to kill myself with it, but it just sat there under my pillow. I lay there thinking, "I don't deserve to die, why should I die? I don't want to die." When he snuck into my room that night and crawled into my bed with me I held the knife to the side of his ribs. He asked me if I was going to kill him. I told him I wasn't but that if he ever touched me or anyone else again I would hurt him in a way that would cause him extreme pain every second for the rest of his life, which he would spend in prison. The reason I asked what caused it to stop is because your stepfather seems much different than mine. Mine was essentially a coward at heart and stopped as soon as I stood up to him, but yours seems much scarier. You said that you didn't yell or say anything because you were afraid he would hurt you, but how did it stop? I grew boobs. He liked them pre-pubesent.
My best friend has suffered from depression and anxiety since I knew him and I never knew why. He recently told me in confidence that he was molested as a kid. It finally all became clear to me why he had such a negative view of sex and had trouble performing. I urged him to get the bastard thrown in jail but he just wants to put it behind him. I don't know what a person in my situation should do. I also urged him to tell his parents and when he finally did, it nearly killed his father (who knew the guy). I've tried multiple approaches, like saying this guy could be doing this to another kid, but he's just getting this out there and I guess is taking baby steps. Any recommendations for what I could tell him to move forward? Talking. You have to work through your current way of thinking and change it. Talking is the only way to do that. To anyone you care about and is willing to listen. Just having another perspective can change your thinking a great deal.
My best friend was molested when she was 7 by her pastor for quite a while. He was sentenced but he is getting out soon and she has been a wreck. Drinking every night and she always tries to hide her fear and anger. She does a good job at hiding it but as her best friend I know she's not doing well. What can I do to help her? Any words of advice? If she destroys herself because of him, he's winning. It's all about control. He is the boss and he can do what he wants to you whether you like it or not. Make sure she knows that she can move past this. She's an adult now and she's a strong, confident woman who won't let scum affect her well-being.
I have a very dear friend who I love so much and she was molested as well but she's never told anyone except me. She still has nightmares and some other issues and I want to convince her to at least get some help but she's very stubborn and it hurts me so much to watch her suffer. Any chance you could pm me or anything maybe give me some advice or some insight so I'm not as ignorant to her experience and her fears and what not? Thanks in advance. Just ask her to tell you everything she is comfortable with and give your honest input along the way.
I have a question, and please forgive me if it is wildly inappropriate. do you have "normal" sexual urges? it seems like something like that would turn me completely off sex. i know you have a kid... Yes, I had a few boyfriends. I lost my virginity (well, I wasn't a virgin because of him, but the first time I had sex with a penis) when I was 14. I had urges. He didn't fill them, it was different. I don't quite know how to explain it. He used me, my boyfriends loved me. I didn't give it up easily, but I definitely had normal urges to do so.
I have read that children are often victims by those who seek single moms to find children to abuse. Do you have any advice for any of us, as in my case, my ex who brings men around my 3 year old girl and 6 year old son? Always check megan's law. Do a background check on anyone who is close or has a chance to be alone with your child. In most states you can check what a person's charges were through the court records. Know everyone around you as well as possible.
Hey, I'm sorry for what happened to you. I went through my own ordeal but even though we were both molested/ raped it's not the same at all. I think that's the thing people don't get is it affects everyone different. Anyways I was wondering (sorry if you already answered this) but what was your relationship to this man? Outside of him being your abuser? He was my step father.
As someone who has been in a relationship with a victim of similar long term abuse, i always wanted to know: How did/does what happened shape your opinion of men, relationships, love and sex? Wow, loaded question.
Men-always weary of intentions. they really had to prove they weren't out for one thing first.
Relationships-i was generally subordinate and suffered the abuse of a crappy husband because of it.
Love-i love easily actually. I love with every bit of me. I try to give my all and get what I give, usually.
Sex-flashbacks were a problem. I worked through them. My SO helped me immensely with that.
Was it hard for you to have normal loving relationships when you were looking to get married/dating/etc.? Yes, I was with a few controlling assholes before I found someone who loved me and treated me the way I didn't know I was supposed to be treated. I thought sex was all men wanted and was all I had to give.
Was it hard for him to get that prejudice out of your mind? like did your opinion of him change as your relationship went on or did you realize he treated you different right away? Yes, because i would call him every time i got somewhere. Got to the store, call him and tell him. got to the gas station, call him and tell him. I did that one time and he's like, why are you telling me? I said, I thought you would want to know where I am. He said I know you're in town today, that's good enough for me. you gave me no reason not to trust you, have fun and be safe. Love you....It was so strange. Weight was lifted. He really did a number on me, and in a very good way. :)
Late to the party, but do you think your experiences are why you are dating a man significantly older than you? Not sure. Could be, could not be. I'll never know. All I know is that I love him and he treats me amazingly. I try not to over analyze it.
Did he sodomize you too or just feel your breasts? I was never sodomized. He did use objects other than his penis on my vagina and performed oral sex on me and made me do it to him.
Jail? dont u mean prison? jail is for sentences of a year or less so if that is what he got then....WTF. I hope u truly recover. Yes prison.
Firstly My heart goes out to you and your family. Secondly well done for showing that your a stronger person than the sick fucked up individual who put you through this torment, i hope you live your life in the fullest from now on knowing that he is behind bars and love life as you should have been able to when you were young. Question Do bad memories come when you see certain things that remind you of him? Yes, but it's not flashbacks like it used to be. Now it's more distant.
Could you define "Corruption of a minor"? That's more so the damaging of my psyche.
Hmmm...so 99% of the crap on tv? Works for me...charge them with Corruption of a minor. I wish I could charge someone for the train wreck of 16 and pregnant and jersey shore!
What happened to your biological father? Divorce, estrangement.
I'm confused was he related to you or was he a family friend or whatever but what I'm asking is how did he access you? He was my stepfather.
Might seem like an ignorant horrible question, but why didn't you tell anyone at the time, such as your Mum or a teacher at school? Fear.
Fear of them not believing you? Or fear that he might do worse things if you told? Both.
I wish I had your courage to confront my molestor. It's worth it. I promise. Even if you just talk to people about it, it helps so much to get it off of your chest.
Oh dear...you just made me cry in the office, now i have to come up with an excuse when people ask me whats wrong ;-; Sorry? Cheer up, it's all better now. :)
tell her all "the natural" things about what happens between Men and Women. I think you mean people. Sex and love aren't only something for men to experience with women and women with men. These things happen between people of any sex/gender. I did explain that love comes in all different forms and a little bit about homosexuality. This book, It's So Amazing was a really good guideline for it. :)
No, I love sex. I have been in therapy for years so that I don't get flashbacks from it. Mostly receiving oral. That was the hardest part. That's what he did to me the most. I have moved past it, and I have a healthy (if not maybe too much) sex drive now. Also, during the trial, I had hypersexualization. I wanted it ALL the time. My therapist said that's normal for molestation victims and my SO was very supportive. I think I may also have some small touch of Stockholm's Syndrome. I'm 26 and my SO is 58. BUT, it's one of those things that I won't know if I would have been naturally attracted to older men, or if this abuse made it that way. I have been with men my age also. I wish to believe I fell in love with him because of his intellect and quick wit and sense of humor. I'll never know either way. (It definitely wasn't for money! ..the broke bastard...lol)
"my SO was very supportive" - you don't say... I was hoping someone would get that :P But seriously, I wore him the fuck out, literally. I wanted it at least twice a day, hes a once a week kinda guy. I think I almost killed him. I just needed to comfort and closeness that sex brought, so he manned up and put out :)
I'm reading this and wondering if this was a past version of me. I was also molested and married at 25 to an amazing, and broke, 52. Kudos to you, my friend! Awesome! :)
Other people think I'm being mean, but you and me, we know. We know. Yes, yes we do.
You have been through so much. I understand you now and my heart goes out to you. I am sorry for being an ass. I could have worded my comment differently as well. We all have moments of frustration and miscommunication. No worries. :)
I he boobs. Grew*
You must be such a strong individual. This guy sounds like a real psycho 100%. I remember how I felt the times I was sexually harrased by men and how that felt. I cant even imagine something like this and at such a young age. God if I ever come across a guy like this. He wont have balls. My pap offered castration, but I begrudgingly declined. :P.
That's my town's newspaper. Small world. Really? awesome. chambersburg. I live a few counties over.
Well, I gotta say that I love the U/N,especially on this thread. It shows a lot about you. Also, Fuck that therapist cuz reasons. He/She is a fuckface. I feel like a retard but U/N?
Haha username. Omfg, i'm an idiot. I fucking knew that. O.o.
Don't be so hard on yourself. I'm an intelligent, well-read human being and I'm also very critical of myself. I just tend to have brain farts occasionally. ;)
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2012.06.14 22:31 tabledresser Mums naked soccer

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Questions Answers
Why did you start keeping records? Is it so when you're old and grey you can look back on your days as a young whipper snapper? First time I started was because I kept on having these great ideas or funny thoughts and then I would forget them the next day (yet still know I had them). The books were a good way of keeping track.
My mother thinks my grandchildren will be happy to have them. I think it would be very poetic to cremated with them though... The historians would write "And thus the world's greatest thoughts were burnt with the world's greatest man."
You're my new favorite teenager besides myself! Can you reply with one of your most favorite things your brilliant mind has placed in your notebooks' pages? I wrote a 15 page summary of when I stayed in a church where the Pastor was in the Ku Klux Klan.
May I have the page numbebook so I may request this? Lol. I'll just tell you the story if that is okay.
Last summer I biked across America with a group of friends. We were doing our first century day (when you bike over 100 miles). So we are biking along, and this intense thunderstorm comes along. We are not allowed to bike in lightening (Metal bikes... flat tree-less land around you... good way to get electrocuted.) So we get a truck to stop and he offers to get us a ride to a local church ("Local" is a relative term when there are no towns around for miles). Anyway, he really kindly takes us to the church (while complaining about the African American children in the schools... so "kindly" is also relative).
At the church, we chill out and the thunder continues. We just goof around and wait for the pastor of the church. The pastor arrives and by that time it is clear we just will not make our miles that day. The pastor offers to let us sleep in the church, and we gratefully accept.
"You know the two best ways to scare a black man? Crazy people and dogs."
My friend asks to go to the bathroom and when he comes back and directs a few us to the bathroom and tells us to look at the bookshelf. On the bookshelf there is tones of Ku Klux Klan related books and items.
Needless to say, we told Pastor Al we would be going to sleep now and then 2 hours of panicked discussion later, booked it out of the church on our bikes (It was 1 in the morning and the rain had stopped.).
But you're white according to your hand in the proof pic... why were you afraid? That does not make all my friends white or staying overnight with a Klan member a good idea.
I was assuming that the truck driver wouldn't have let you in his truck with a black person after I heard that he made racist comments, my bad for assuming there weren't any black friends, makes sense now. We had a mexican girl on the trip. No one was black, but none of that makes any difference. Very few people white would like to stay the night with a member of a violent organization. We were worried about my mexican friends safety, but had she not been on the trip with us we still would not have chosen to stay there. We biked 10 miles further down the road and got some sleep.
Thats great!!! you must have a very deep instinctual process, how bout one more??? book 1 page 76? There is a fraternity initiation where they give you a golden retriever puppy. You must take care of this puppy for a week. You must demonstrate your love for this puppy. At the end of the week you must kill the puppy with your bare bands. Some one should write a story about this... if it is true. (I then drew a sad face)."
I would quit the frat and keep the puppy. Because hey... free puppy! Genius!
I dont want to live on this planet anymore.... Saddest thing I can remember writing in my notebooks. It haunts me to this day...
I've actually heard that story, but about Hitler Youth Groups for training Nazis. Pretty awful. Good news... According to the interwebs this is not true.
Still looking for information on the college fraternity, but I have a feeling that if it is true nobody is readily posting about it on the internet.
I think puppy is an exaggeration...i've heard of chickens but i think they just say puppy to scare you... The puppy killing idea is a fairly common idea, so I have to believe, whether it has actually been done or not, that it is not just a scare tatic when really the frat used chickens. Also, given a chicken to love for a week, I would easily care for the chicken, and easily kill it. I eat chicken regularly, chickens don't have any personality, and they were never domesticated to be loving companions in the same dogs were bred. That being said, I do not want to have to kill a chicken.
Source: broz.
Thanks for that! Pretty interesting Hitler wouldn't allow people to kill "innocent animals" but human beings were just fine... I know... This is going in the book!
Sorry random question- is there any substantial change in the general themes you're writing about? It is essentially an abbreviated stream of conscience. For example, I started out writing about movies, and what made movies good because I was really into Quentin Tarantino. Now I write a lot about politics because I run my school's political opinion magazine . So to answer your question (I hope) the themes of my thoughts change as my interests grow and transform.
What is the worst super power? Best I could come up with "Ability to walk through unlocked doors"
Nah, that's an okay super power. I mean, think about the times when your arms are full! Bam, you can walk right on through. Sorry, I tried. As a bus boy, I should have thought of that. Nice work. Starting over from square one. :D.
Just wondering what you meant by "People don't get what the fuck I'm trying to say". Do you expect people to feel that your dream is somehow significant? Do you feel like all your dreams have some sort of meaning? I've had dreams where I've been "scared as shit". Don't worry about it. Nah. I attach no significance to my dreams. This was like two years ago, and I rarely have nightmares (when I do I am fine once I realize that I was dreaming, like any fairly normal person).
I was trying to describe the worm and what I remember from my dream, but dreams are practically unexplainable due to their lack of logic. How long can any person listen to a guy ramble all the weird shit that happened in a dream?
Book 4 Page 20. 'We shall reexamine they tongue's diction?' - King's Speech.
'Are you proving perpendicular' - Good Will Hunting.
(He has also decided that 'How do you like them apples can stay' as long as it is said in a British accent.)
'Though do not have the capacity for my truth' - A Few Good Men.
'By the magnitude of these jaws I wouldst declare we need a boat of larger width' - Jaws"
This one is not one of my favorites in terms of examples (my friend was just fucking around), but I love the concept of remaking current day movies into pornography with Shakespearian language.
May i do multiples? book 1, pg 144 book 3, pg 5 book 4, pg 105. Book 1: "Breaking Bad is the shit. Future me, you must rewatch all of them and then say thank you to little me for all the happiness I have given you."
Book 3: I drew a walrus and then pointed an arrow to fact that "It does no have an ice cream cone"
I've thought about doing this for years but have never got round to actually doing it! How often do you write down your thoughts and do you write down the date each time? Page 66, Book 3. If my socks are either in my drawer or in the laundry, then it is safe to say that I have had a relatively organized, stress-free few days.
If my socks are scattered around the house, then the opposite is probably true.
The more scattered my socks, the worse my week.
However, there is a tipping point where my socks are so scattered it means that I have had a REALLY good week (Ex. If my socks are in a girl's bed, another country, a girl's bed in another country.)"
This is always something that I've considered doing but just have never had the determination to keep doing it. So kudos for that. Is there any periods of time where you stopped? Why did you start? I often would lose track of my interesting thoughts I had the night before, so I decided I would write them down in a small journal I would always keep in my pocket. I thought it would just be a phase at the time, but it is so good that it has stuck and become a part of my lifestyle. How did you keep yourself motivated to keep doing it for so long? I don't need to keep myself motivated. I'm motivated in the same way I am motivated to get to the car when carrying all the groceries from the store. I feel unburdened when I write an idea down. I don't have to keep thinking about the idea to keep it fresh in my mind because its on paper, in the same way I don't have to carry my groceries home once they are in the car. Is there any periods of time where you stopped? Not really. There have been some week during the school year where I am too stressed and tired to have any time for a reasonably good thought to emerger, but I generally just write down something when it comes to me.
What was your process when you first started? How did you keep yourself motivated to keep doing it for so long? Do you date the material? What was your process when you first started? Have an idea you like at the moment? Write it down. I completely disregarded what others would think (and, most importantly, what my future self would think). This led to a mix of far fetched, trying too hard ideas and some solid stuff. Over time you are able to figure about which ideas tend to keep you thinking for longer and which ideas are generally short lived. I find now that my books are much more dense with good ideas. Do you date the material? Only roughly. I date each book in black sharpie when I am done and title it with its book number. You can see a bit of this in photo I posted of the books. The front book has no writing on it because it is not done yet. I tried dating the first book, but I found it too annoying.
Thanks so much for replying! One more question: do you write down any thoughts that you would consider very private? Indeed. I consider any philosophy type stuff I write about to be quite personal. It's why I am great at giving presentations about things that don't involve me, and I hate giving speech's about my own beliefs. Unfortunately (and in other ways fortunately) for me, the church my family goes to has a rite of passage where the kids have to give a speech about what they believe in. I hated it so much. (It's a Unitarian Universality Church so almost no one believes in any form of god, but everyone is "spiritual.")
What's the last thing you've written (right this moment)? "I found out through the help of Reddit some more fucked up Nazi shit.
'Hitler wouldn't allow people to kill "innocent animals" but human beings were just fine.' - Random internet dude"
Why is your mind so interesting? I can't tell if this is your most impressive thoughts or experiences of the time, or you just are particularly gifted. Honestly, I think the book helps me come up with interesting things. Once I started identifying my most interesting thoughts and what my thought process was behind them, I started to get better at these random thoughts. You just become aware of what type of thinking and inspiration leads to cool thoughts. It's like if you kicked a soccer ball 10,000 times and wrote what you did for your really good goals. You would eventually figure out what you could do to score a goal. For me, it is more about what inspires me to have interesting ideas.
Do you live with your parents? If so, has your mum ever managed to find those books? I am in high school so, yes. And I've shown my mom these books. I am reading her parts of the post now (Yes, complete with profanity).
Ohh how interesting! What does your mum think of the books? What did you do if you had something you didn't want to put down, knowing that your mum reads it? My mom thinks my children and grandchildren will enjoy reading them when I am dead.
To be clear, my mom does not just pick up the book and read it. I share what I want from the book with her. I don't write down my personal secrets in the book. Just interesting things I want to remember.
Do you like to get your thoughts on paper, or is it more like some kind of experiment? I like getting my thoughts on paper. It is one less thing I have to think about. Doing an experiment this long would be such a pain in the ass and give little to no benefits.
Are you from Norway or any Scandinavian country by any chance? I consider myself thoroughly American, but we do have quite a bit of Scandinavian ancestry. Why do you ask?
You do realize you sound like a nut? Absolutely.
why did the chick cross the road? There is no potentially funny punch line that can follow "Why did the chicken cross the road?"
So it's gonna be about Spongebob? Correctamundo!
Book 1 page 45 His Mom: Why would you want to be a drag queen?
Friend: Because I want to be one when I grow up!"
February 18, 2010 8:00pm. Go. "I wonder what I'll be doing on June 14, 2012 at 6:25 pm..."
Book 1, page 21. "Do people realize how ridiculous they sound when they say that they can function on almost no sleep and that coffee does not affect them? It is always the same fucking douchebags who brag about it like it is accomplishment.
Douchebag: 'Yea, last night I was up until 4.'
Normal person: 'Looks like you will need that Grande iced coffee.'
Douchebag: 'Nah. Caffeine doesn't affect me.'
Some people suck."
This is actually one of my favorite threads that I have read on reddit. Cheers for this. Oh and if you have enough time Book 2 Page 67. EDIT: Typo i couldn't let go. "My friend just brought up the idea of having a vengeful cafe... Basically, you would serve millionaires $100,000 bowls of matzo ball soup in the skull of a dead Nazi. During Hanukkah, a menorah of Nazi bones will be lit. ect. (You can tell he is jewish). Other than being batshit crazy, there are many problems with this idea. Most difficult in my mind is what would the atmosphere like? No one wants to eat in a torture dungeon, but I am not sure how right it would see with normal place settings and white table cloths."
Book 6 Page 66. I plan on reserving this page, when I get to it, for this clip from Pulp Fiction . Hopefully, you will be able to figure out why.
Passage 5 from the 2nd gospel of dmmarkey. Started 3 high quality companies.
Over came mental illness.
Never was the first to invent. Always the first to perfect.
Banksy.
Fucking man... Need I say more?
Talib Kweli.
His name is Swahili for the title of my favorite poem... hardly a poem.
He actually has a message... most of the time... and when he does it is more positive than all the other shit out there."
Funny thing is that i have a character like you in my story. You must give us an excerpt! Test how similar we are.
This is fantastic, I just started doing something very similar to this about a month ago. I hope to have recorded as much as you and more in a couple of years, and hope it's as interesting as what you've compiled. Sounds great! My only advice: Don't compile for the sake of compiling. Compile only what really interests you in the moment, and soon you find was to make almost any small idea interesting. It comes quickly if you stick to it.
Just wanted to say, you should publish these, I'd love to read all of them :D I find it so interesting reading through someones thoughts, especially ones that are so funny. Anyway, Book 1 Page 82 if I'm not too late. This is kind of a "Only 90's kids will remember this" entry in my journal, before that type of post was even a thing.
"Throwback: The wonder ball craze was kind of awesomely stupid. I feel like there was absolutely no surprise about what could potentially be in a wonder ball. More surprising would have been like goose shit, or a bear trap, or venus fly trap seeds. You always hoped for something cool (action figure, lazer pointer, a better type of candy) but it was just a stamp and some pez or some shit.
I do kind of like the 'WHO' in the commercial's jingle... It's kind of like you are surprising yourself because there was never anything cool in the wonderball."
Book 2, page 60 :3. "Just had a terrible dream but only can remember a few pictures of a giant worm that looked like it was out of anime. Only reason I remember it was terrible is cause I woke up feeling scared as shit.
I tried explaining the dream my friends. People don't get what the fuck I'm trying to say."
This reminds me of Kurt Cobain's journal - borrowed it from a friend a long time ago, dont know where it is now, i'd love to read it again :/ edit: just added kurt cobain's journal to my wishlist, it's available on amazon That said: gimme book 2 pg 6. Do the same crossword puzzle over the phone (one of them was away from home). Usually not this sappy, but damn! I have to remember this for future relationships."
This is a fantastic idea and you're quite witty. I'm now inspired to do the same :) "Today I called my old teacher by accident instead of my Dad. I called my teacher Dad like three times before he corrected me.
Edit: and, book 3, page 49. A while ago we got the school to buy a new bike rack cause the other one was shit. He gave me his number so he could text me if the school agreed in a teacher meeting. Anyway I put him in my phone as his real full name (ex. John Teacher) instead of what I call him (Mr. Teacher). His first name is the same as my father's so when i thought I was pressing my dad's name in my contacts I was calling my teacher. Shit got awkward."
Great initiative; I've kind of been doing the same thing, but in a more reflective, self-absorbed manner, to keep track of how I feel about things. Do you mind if I hear an entry? It sounds like it might be personal (I wont be offended by no), but I would love to see how other people do this.
Book 1, page 1. Receive an A grade in every subject for 9th grade (This happened.)
Listen to 10 audiobooks (This happened.)
Create a high alititude weather ballloon photography project (No clue what this is. Definitely did not happen.)
Either you have godly large writing to fill up a page with all that, or you use and abuse paper. Keep it up. My note books are tiny (4.5 inch by 3.5 inch). Check the description for a picture.
Book 2 page:68. "My friends and I were telling dead baby jokes for about an hour. This is how the conversation ended.
My friend: 'Ahh. Dead baby jokes never get old.'
Me: 'You know what else never gets old.'
My other friend: 'A dead baby.'"
Book 4, Page 55. "Why say 'Let's agree to disagree' when you can say 'Let's disagree to agree?"
You are by agreeing to 'disagree' you are therefore, agreeing.
You are deciding that you will not agree.
Simple word reversal makes sentences so much better. Ex. It's not the blood in the baby, but the baby in the blood.
Great thread! Very interesting. Friend on toilet: I'm not wiping with this. Other friend: Man up and use it. We are out of toilet paper. Friend on toilet: If you hadn't used the other roll to make a fort- Me: It's a TeePee! Other friend: Yea. And its awesome. So grow a pair and wipe! Friend on toilet: (Pretty angry) It's not a funny name. You are not clever or witty! Me: Don't be afraid to get a yeast infection. Friend on toilet: I will do unspeakable things to your shoes!
Book 2, page 14.
I have been want to do the same thing with my thoughts and theories. If you want any tips or help on how to start, I would love to help in anyway I can.
It is one of the best decisions I have made, and I highly recommend doing it.
Share your methods good lord of the... thought writing... stuff. I personally use a 4.5 inch by 3.5 inch narrow rule composition book made by Swinton Avenue Trading (I got it at Office Depot). Each book has 80 sheet (meaning it has 160 pages if you include front and back). I only use 144 because I use the last few pages for a table of contents.
I ALWAYS have my book with me. If you only have it sometimes, you will surely have an idea you want to write in it and then forget it before you get back to the book (Happens to me every time I forget). It stays in my pocket with a pen I use to write in it all the time (This is just habit by now).
I mark each entry with a heading like that gives a category (Kind of like a subreddit in a way for example: Joke, Idea, Thing 2 Think About, Misc., Story, Music, ect.) and a title that is appropriate for the entry. For example, if I wanted to remember the why did the chicken cross the road joke, the heading would read "Joke - Why did the chick cross the road?"
Finally, start doing this at the beginning of a vacation you have. I am in school and during the school year I average 1 or 2 entries a week because I have other shit to think about. During vacations and the summer I average 1 or 2 per day because I have so much free time to just relax and think.
Book 2, page 7! I hid food around my school (in the ceiling tiles). So i drew a map on this page to help me remember where each bit of food is. A case of Dr. Pepper later fell out of the ceiling when one of the form tiles broke... No one could connect it to me. Phew!
Book 4 page 117. I haven't gotten to page 117 yet. I have only done 3.5 books, but will satisfy you with my most recent post: "In my friend's class president speech, she promised that she would create and enforce a rule that if a member of the student government does no show up to 3 meetings without an excuse, that member will be immediately impeached. The other candidates said we should have prom on a yacht (LOL). Needless to say my friend won by a landslide."
Book 3, page 5 "Arn't socks just another type of shoe.
Does that make butter a type of cheese?
Does that make yogurt a type of butter?"
Actually if you know whether or not butter is a type of cheese (a.k.a. what defines a cheese verses a butter) I would love to know.
Butter and cheese are very different. Butter is the fat extracted from milk. Cheese is basically milk that's gone off in a controlled way (you could have said yogurt is cheese as it is slightly less gone off milk). The more you know. I had a feelings... Socks on the other hand are most definitely a form of shoe.
You're this guy, 21st century version. If only I didn't waste my writing on what the worst super powers would be...
Page 16 of Book 1. Create two small pizzas of the same size. Repeat but increase the radius of the pizza each time. Create two hemispheres by stacking the pizzas from smallest to largest. Combine hemispheres into a spherical pizza. Glue together with more cheese."
Book 2, Page 47! 'The reason we know time travel is impossible is because we have never seen a time traveler' - Stephen Hawking.
That is really good logic in a sort of ridiculous way.
'Man is by nature a political animal.' - Aristotle.
Don't even know how to explain how much I love this. Future me, I hope you will understand.
'People in glasshouses can't walk around naked.' - Ricky Gervais.
I like it better than the original."
This is a side note: My favorite quote of all time recently got a lot of support on Reddit: "We are the universe experiencing itself."
Not to knock Stephen Hawking, but "absence of evidence is not evidence of absence." Very true. Still love the quote.
Book 2, page 122. "Tumblr is an orgy of artsy feminine self-hatred. Lots of too cutesy kisses. Even intimate sex. Pictures of girls with eating disorders, depression, people cutting themselves, ect. For some reason girls there feel compelled to post pictures of hot naked women to further convince people they are anorexic. Plus there are a bunch of meaningless poetic sounding shit on there. Should be taken down."
Bill O'Reilly is right.
If you're talking about Tumblr, it really depends on who you follow... I am sure their are a lot of great people on Tumblr, and even interesting posts and stuff. My anger here (though in the post it is directed a Tumblr) was completely about the people in my grade using it. These girls just posted the most depressing stuff online in an attempt to seem a little bit more deep and angsty.
I entered this into the book a year and half ago during a phase when a few girls is my grade consistently posted disturbing shit on Tumblr.
Book 4, page 15. "List of nicknames I call my dog, Lily: Lilliput (town in Gulliver's travels), Putnick (like Sputnick.. comes from Lilliput.. kind of a stretch but I like it) Liliford, Lilith, Lilinstien's monster, Lilian, Lilster, Lilsterine, Lileronomy, Lilology, Lilet, Lily von Trap, Lilatious D, Lilypad.
Side note: She was originally named after Lily Potter."
My dog is named Potter after the series in general! That is awesome.
Kari McKeen
Book 3, page 143. Guy takes a shirtless selfy picture in a bathroom mirror and posts it to his wall.
My friend posts "That's a hot bathroom." Currently at 27 likes."
Actually scratch that-- Booke 1, 2, 3, and 4 page 73 in each book. :) Book 1: "Idea to remember: Always try to disprove your own rule. It is far more effective and allows for greater certainty if you try to find evidence that disproves a theory."
Book 2: "Why is there no famous horror movies set solely in libraries? Five seconds thinking and I already have the perfect subtitle: 'Be very quiet.' I think all the smart people in the movie should try to figure out how to kill the monsteserial killer by reading the books, but they all end up dying because their plans are too complicated. The only people that live are the stupid ones."
Book 3: "Quote from a girl in my biology class: 'If you pee a lot then are you diabetic? Cause I pee a lot. I have low blood sugar!"
Book 4: "My friend said this.. very true: "In the middle school, they teach you Spanish. In the high school, they teach you things ... in Spanish."
Tome two, sheet seventy-seven. 'Sorry.. can't. I got the poops.'
'You should come to my dance recital on Sunday'
'Sorry.. can't. I got the poops.'
'Oh.'
'Can I have a jolly rancher?'
'Sorry.. can't. I got the poops.'
"Oh... um.. sorry.'
'I'm cold. Can I have your jacket?'
'Sorry.. can't. I got the poops.'
'Oh.. uhh... Yea I'm fine'"
Book 2 page 43. "According to my biology teacher once energy turns to heat it cannot be turned into any other form of energy. Can't capture b/c it is movement of molecules... Is that really true? Don't they create energy by boiling water and using the steam to turn turbines? Yes they do. Does that not count?" I proceded to draw a random picture of a horse.
An impressively inspired inquisition. An awesome amount of alliteration.
Wow, memory database. i'll try. Book 2, page 57. This is me brainstorming a riddle: "Two doors - one leads to Hell and the other to Heaven. One guard tells only lies and the other only truths. You don't know which is which. Can only ask one question... They both need to have the same answer or else you will have no clue. Glurk... Errm. Ugh. Is the sky blue! Yes because if Nope that does not tell you the door. Fuck it! I'm googling the anwer: 'Would the other guard say this door is the one to Heaven?' If its Hell they would both say yes... Gahh I was close..ish"
Great thread! Book 3, pg 23. I was biking across America with my friends and we had just crossed into Colorado (started in Georgia). I was talking with 2 of my friends about the differences between our schools. That is where my memory of this stops. Where it picks up is I am lying on the ground, stuck under two entangled bikes. I am bleeding quite a bit, but its just because of the cuts placement.
The real problem is that my friend who I had been talking to is have a seizure. We get an ambulance and send her off to the hospital. She has a concussion (which makes her half to miss ten days of the trip, but she finishes the trip with us.). I find out afterwards that one of the three of us who were talking hit a massive rock in the street, and we all crashed.
Interestingly, none of us have any recollection of the experience. I am currently Facebook married to the girl with the concussion.
Book 2 Page 28 d_d. "I spent a day alone in the woods a month ago. I spent the entire day writing a letter to myself to hide in an obscure place where I could find it later. My ex-girlfriend asked to read it (doubt she actually did), but never gave it back before we broke up. How the fuck do I get that back? It was like 10 hour stream of conscience of random ass stuff. GAHHHHHH. Fuck it. I would probably not have the patience as an adult to read that letter. I plan on being too amazing to here the feeble thoughts of my past self."
Never did get that letter back.
This is surprisingly interesting - how about book 1 page 93. 'I don't run rap but I am the race official / So you always know that my calls are judicial.'
Last updated: 2012-06-18 22:16 UTC
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