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2020.07.07 19:41 youto2 Cam spy locker room guys
Paisner: This is the real overkill, Mark. Just finish this already, this is pathetic.
Woodbridge: This is a huge win for team Coup, Allen. They could be easily leaving the Hoosier state with the tag team titles and a world title opportunity!
Austin positions himself to drop Smith with the Balandriver… but he can't. He tries again to lift Smith, but nothing happens. On the outside, Raven figures out what's going on: Dan Smith is hanging on for dear life with his legs wrapped around the top rope. They quickly get back on the canvas to try and untangle the situation.
Ivan sees them getting up and tries to stop them, but while the ref moves to where they're standing, Raven gets accidentally kicked in the face by the flailing Smith and falls off the canvas.
Austin hears the noise and turns towards what's happened. With this distraction, Dan sneaks out of the Fireman's Carry, lands on his own two feet, and catches the distracted Balandran with a jumping neckbreaker, spiking him on the canvas.
Paisner: SMOOTH SAILING! SMOOTH SAILING! Dan Smith won his debut with this move! Head: spiked!
Woodbridge: He's got it!
Dan Smith hooks both legs and Ivan Itchicock makes the count.
Balandran violently kicks out, but it's too late.
DING DING DING
Paisner: Oh my Lord!!! I told you, Mark! I told you!
U MAD starts playing while Dan quickly scurries back up, still in disbelief. Raven's still down on the other side of the ring, blood pouring out of one of their nostrils.
Javier: The winner of the match, at a time of 12:56, The Stormin' Mormon, DAAAAN!!! SMITH!!!
Woodbridge: I don't believe it, you were right all along, the guy who debuted last week has won, despite the odds, and he's got a chance at the World Championship!!!
The ref raises Smith's hand, and he immediately exits the ring, jumping over the barriers to celebrate with the crowd. Austin is still stunned and as he slowly reacts to what's happened, he stares in Raven's direction.
Paisner: Van Loupe shouldn’t have gotten involved, and their stable leader pays the price!
Raven crawls to their feet and rolls into the ring to console their leader, but Balandran turns his shoulder to Van Loupe.
Van Loupe: Hey are you alright, bu-
One surprisingly loud dude in the crowd: NOOOOOOO!
Balandran spins around and SMASHES Van Loupe to the mat with a spinning lariat!
Woodbridge: OH MY GOD!
Balandran: I DRAG YOU UP FROM THE DREGS! I GIVE YOU PURPOSE! AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME?
Van Loupe slowly begins to drag themselves to the ropes, looking confused and scared towards Balandran.
A neat little piano riff plays And Mercenaire and Marshall Wheeler come through the curtain!
Paisner: Here comes the Coup d’Etat!
Mercenaire and Wheeler rush in to a loud but mixed reaction, with some cheering thinking they might be switching sides!
Woodbridge: BUT WHOSE SIDE ARE THEY ON????
Mercenaire and Wheeler slide into the ring simultaneously and take a look at Balandran, before Wheeler crumples Van Loupe with a sickening Punt!
Woodbridge: Oh so Balandrans side then..
Van Loupe collapses onto their back, before Mercenaire starts to climb up to the top rope.
Paisner: Mercenaire looking to put the exclamation mark on this expulsion from this revolutionary force with an Atterrisage Lunaire!
Mercenaire positions himself, and just before he takes off…
PA: THEY HELD ME DOWN SO LONG
Woodbridge: Solidarity forever!
Paisner: It’s Romero! No Love lost between him and Balandran!
Stephen Romero sprints out from the back, Mercenaire sees this and quickly adjusts his trajectory to flip outside the ring, but Romero catches him horizontal to the floor and SLAMS him down with a gutwrench suplex!
Balandran: Get him!
Romero jumps into the ring and Wheeler charges him, but Romero catches him with a spear!
Paisner: Romero coming in like a house of fire!
Wheeler rolls out of the ring, Romero stares down Balandran, and charges! But Balandran ducks a clothesline and rolls out of the ring to regroup with his stable on the outside.
Paisner: Romero sent ‘em packin’!
Romero goes over to check on RVL, who is slowly coming to, as we cut to the back
We cut backstage, where we find Chad Hammocks putting his ear to a wall, eavesdropping on a conversation happening on the other side of an unassuming room backstage.
Hammocks: Pssst! whispers They're here, I just opened the door a little bit!
Cameraman Chuck moves to the doorway, and through the narrow space of the door left slightly ajar, we're able to see the shapes of three men: a thin man talking to a huge one, while a childish pseudoanthropomorphic figure just runs around waiting for them to finish.
Hammocks: still whispering Yup, it's them. It might not be one of Allen's Illuminati meetings, but it's still content.
Chuck focuses the camera some more, and indeed they are: Hugo Ironblood, Cam'ron West and the Independent Champion, Santiago Martínez. Also present in the room: Sam.
Martínez: Here's the thing: I wanted to talk to you guys in private 'cause this needs to stay that way, and the last thing I want is to find Chad and Chuck spying on us just to film one of those corny-ass Impact style segments nobody likes.
Hammocks: still whispering Dammit!
Martínez: Today's a huge day for me and you know it. And I'd be an asshole if I said it's a huge day for us. I know you took a huge L getting snubbed from this show, but trust me: if we stick together and focus on what's ahead of us, a team as talented as you guys are will never miss another major show.
Ironblood: HELL YEAH! That's what I wanted to hear! By next month, everyone will be talking about us! But we still don't have a name, though…
Martínez: We'll come up with one soon, no worries. Choosing our team name is a decision that can't be taken lightly, you know! Cam'ron-chan!
Cam'ron stops running for a while.
Martínez: Stop running for a while. What do you think of this?
Cam'ron: The name thing or the Chuck and Chad spying us thing?
Ironblood: THE NAME!
Cam'ron: I like names, they're great! But if we want to choose the best name, we need the approval of everyone in our team!
Martínez: Hmmm, we could do that. Let's say we come up with a few names, we make a shortlist and all that, and then we vote for the best one!
Ironblood: YES! That's a great idea for next month! Ooohhh man! We're gonna kick some ass!!!
Martínez: Don't even doubt it for a second, Hugo. This month we were just getting started, but for next month, we're gonna get a ton of extra gold! But this month ain't over yet…
Ironblood: I see…
Martínez: And we can't be thinking of all that until we deal with today's match. When I say "We", I'm pretty sure you and Cam'ron already know what I mean…
Ironblood: Indeed we do…
Cam'ron nods in agreement.
Martínez: Lovely. So when you go back to the locker room, I want yo-
Ironblood: Wait, not really.
Ironblood: Uhhh, I was just trying to sound cool and mysterious, I don't know what you meant! And Cam'ron probably doesn't know either!
Cam'ron: I know very well! It was about Milkman-sama and Baker-san!
Martínez: No! No, Cam'ron-chan! That was my joke about how The Horde lacked any credibility due to their lack of Mongol hats!
Ironblood: Oh, then what were you talking about?
Martínez: Alright, here's the thing. I don't have a damn clue how things will play out during my match. I don't know anything about Ayane Nobunaga or what's her deal, but I'm pretty sure that if GiGi shows up during my match, she'll be up to no good. So, I need you guys as my eyes and ears out there. Focus on what's happening, don't get distracted, Cam'ron!
Cam'ron is already distracted, watching Sam while he's trying to solve a Rubik's cube.
Cam'ron: Oh, sorry! It’s just that this is so cool!
Ironblood: No problem, WE CAN TAKE CARE OF ALL THAT! But what about Kait, though?
Martínez: What about her? You don't think I can defeat her?
Ironblood: I know you can, but you can't let her get in your head like she did with that promo!
Martínez: She did not get in my head! This is a NO FREE CLOUT zone, Hugo. This isn't a feud about vidya games, OK? I'm not going to waste my time talking about a lousy take on a good looking game with a headass story and a really stupid companion AI that's clearly a 7 and not a 10, OK?
Ironblood: Uhh, OK?
Martínez: And I'm not going to do that in an inferior platform such as Instagram fucking Live! Let her be: let her waste her time there, Hugo, let her stay there with the Hindutvas, the QAnoners, and Lord forbid me for bringing these motherfuckers up: the Apex highlight streamers.
Ironblood: Uhh, I use Instagram Live sometimes...
Martínez: This is not about games, or scores, or observations of the legendary film A Twelvefold of Big Mad Motherfuckers. This is about the WiR Independent Championship, and trust me, tonight, Kaitlyn Casey Jones doesn't stand a chance! Now let's get the hell out of here!
Hammocks: not whispering as much Chuck! Run!
Ironblood: Hey, what was that?
The scene fades to black and we cut to a pan of the crowd, then back down to the ring.
Ring crew finish up their final preparations for this match as we cut to Javier standing in the ring, flanked by Harry Undersach, microphone in hand.
Javier: The following contest is a LAST MAN STANDING MATCH. To win, you must incapacitate your opponent for a 10 count! Your official for this contest is Harry Undersach!
Crowd: HAIRY HARRY! clap clap clapclapclap
Paisner: He is growing a little bit of a beard, but - I don’t know if that’s nice.
Harry rubs his chin, seemingly a little embarrassed, but Javier soldiers on.
Javier: Introducing first, from Woodstock, Ontario, Canada - He weighed in tonight at 232 pounds - JOEY MCCARTY!
Joey’s theme plays as Joey strolls out from backstage, seemingly as calm as can be.
Paisner: Joey seems unusually collected coming into this match, Mark!
Woodbridge: I don’t think he’s taken any of this too seriously to this point, Allen - and I doubt he takes the Milkman very seriously either!
Joey does seem rather lackadaisical as he steps up the steps, wipes off his feet, and reclines in the corner, looking at the ramp as his music fades out. Javier steps forward, ready to continue.
Javier: And his opponent, from Brooklyn, New York - He weighed in tonight at 182 pounds - TONY “THE MILKMAN” STEEEEEEEEEVENS!
The crowd might expect “Enter Milkman,” but they are sadly disappointed.
Woodbridge: Um, why did Tony change his theme anyway?
Paisner: I - he called me in a panic, saying he couldn’t afford the song.
Woodbridge: But don’t we -
Paisner: Hey, it wasn’t my decision.
They are not, however, disappointed with the milkman himself, who bursts out from behind the curtain in a dapper pair of suspenders, with a pair of milk maids right behind him. They’re carrying a six pack of milk bottles in traditional metal bottles, which Tony grabs one of before stepping into the ring. The milkmaids set the rest of the bottles at ringside, before politely taking their leave.
Woodbridge: Aww, i was hoping they would -
Paisner: I’m sure you were, Mark.
In the ring, though, Tony stares Joey down coldly, before bringing the milk to his lips and chugging it, never breaking eye contact with his opponent. Joey seems entirely nonplussed, rolling his eyes and motioning for Undersach to call for the bell. Tony finishes his chug, and tosses the milk bottle to the outside, where it rolls to a stop on one of the mats. Undersach pats the two wrestlers down quickly, before calling for the bell.
DING DING DING
Paisner: And we’re off - Joey doesn’t at all seem afraid of Tony’s fire, though perhaps he should be.
Woodbridge: I’m not sure this wasn’t all some twisted sort of a game to Joey - pushing the buttons of the rookie. He might not even understand how worked up Tony really is yet!
Stevens starts off hot, charging Joey with a series of surprisingly stiff forearms! Joey staggers back, but comes at Stevens with a head of steam – only to be caught with a rolling solebutt from Stevens! Joey hits the mat hard, but immediately rolls up to a sitting position! Stevens is prepared for this, and fires off a roundhouse kick at Joey’s head, but Joey catches it and levels Stevens with a uppercut right to the dick!
Paisner: Stevens starts off hot with some brawling, but Joey’s allowed to fight dirty in this match, and let’s be honest that’s his greatest strength!
Woodbridge: Stevens has shown resilience so far in his WiR career, but he’ll need every bit of it.
Stevens collapses to the mat, holding his crotch, and Joey gets up with a cocky smirk, motioning at Undersach to start his count!
Paisner: There’s no way Joey steals a victory this early, right?
Stevens pulls himself over to the ropes, and Undersach gets to about 6.5 before Stevens gets to his hands and knees using the ropes! He’s obviously still in pain, but that’s good enough for Undersach to stop the count. Joey doesn’t give his opponent a second to breathe, though, instead getting a running start and leaping into Stevens’ back, driving Stevens’ throat into the ropes!
Woodbridge: Ooh, what a disgusting move from Joey – crushing the windpipe of Stevens is going to make it a lot harder for him to stay up in the later stages of this match!
Joey pulls back on the top rope, levering his knee further into the choke, as Stevens desperately attempts to struggle free! Undersach tries to reprimand Joey into breaking the hold, but he’s got no ability to enforce here, so Joey just continues on choking his opponent!
Crowd: LET’S GO TONY! clap clap clapclapclap
Tony grits his teeth in pain, but grabs the middle rope with both hands, pulling his throat away from the bottom rope and giving him just enough room to slide free from Joey’s boot! Joey tries to follow up with a strike, but Tony immediately rolls out of the ring, getting away from his opponent!
Paisner: A nice usage of the ropes there by Tony, managing to get free from that chokehold - now he’s got to catch his breath and find a way to take the fight to Joey!
Woodbridge: Stevens is tough, obviously, but he’s down 40 pounds on Joey and he’s got to find a way to overcome that!
On the outside, Tony falls to one knee, and Joey rolls out to follow him, only to be caught with a rising forearm to the jaw! Tony realizes he’s on the back foot, and lays into Joey with a series of elbows, punctuated with a knee to the gut! Joey doubles over, and Tony pulls him down into a sick DDT onto the mats!
Paisner: What a DDT from Tony!
Undersach immediately starts the count, but Joey’s back to his hands and knees before we reach 4, and up very shortly after it. Tony lets Joey up almost to a standing position, then charges forward, leaping into the air for a knee strike to the skull!
Paisner: And a leaping knee -
Joey’s aware of this one, though, and heaves Tony into the air, before bringing him down spine-first onto the apron with perhaps the sloppiest spinebuster ever seen in professional wrestling history!
Woodbridge: No! God, I sure hope the milkman has strong bones after that one!
Joey’s found another target, and right as Tony rolls off the apron to the mats below, Joey presses a knee into Tony’s spine and just starts laying into him with right hands! Punch after punch rain down on the milkman!
Paisner: God, what a series of punches from Joey! This milkman has been a thorn in his side for weeks now, and this looks to be his form of catharsis!
Tony slumps, seemingly unconscious, and Joey lays a few more punches into the back of the head in for good measure, before raising up and raising his arms like he just won a title bout! Undersach starts the count, and the crowd rains down boos on the celebrating McCarty!
Woodbridge: Joey’s celebrating like he’s already won this thing, Allen!
Paisner: I mean, did you see those punches, Mark? We’re at a six count, and Tony hasn’t even moved!
Crowd: FUCK YOU, JOEY!/MILKMAN RULES!
Joey’s back is turned to his opponent, and so he doesn’t see Tony beginning to push himself up at the 8 count!
Tony, with a huge effort, shoves himself to a vertical position at 9.5, and Joey turns around, expecting the 10 count, but instead getting a defiant milkman!
Crowd: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! FUCK HIM UP, MILKMAN, FUCK HIM UP! clap clap
Tony looks to do just that, taking a couple unsteady steps forward and firing off a stiff low kick, but Joey takes it on the shin! Joey fires back with an overhand right, and Tony staggers backward, only for Joey to grab his arm and hammer throw him right into the ringpost!
Tony slumps against the ringpost after making full-body contact with it, but doesn’t quite go down! Joey sees an opportunity, though, and takes a couple steps back, before leaping into the air with a superman punch! Midair, though, Joey realizes his mistake as Tony finally falls to the mat, and Joey just eats it on the ringpost!
Paisner: Joey with a huge mistake there, going for the final blow just a bit too early - or too late, maybe.
Woodbridge: Either way works, Allen - If Joey had immediately gone for the punch, this match might be over - if he had waited he’d be at a huge advantage.
With both men seemingly out of it, Undersach starts another count!
Tony slowly begins to stir, while Joey is clutching his head in pain!
Crowd: LET’S GO TONY! clap clap clapclapcalp
Tony’s up to his hands and knees, and Joey realizes this by the cheers and starts to fight his way up as well. The two get to kneeling at about the same time, and Joey fires off a quick punch to the mouth of Stevens! The milkman is rocked, but doesn’t go down, and fires back with a forearm! Joey’s not staggered at all, but Tony seems to have expected this, and the two push themselves to vertical, and start laying strikes into the other man’s head!
Crowd: YAY! BOO! YAY! BOO! YAYBOOYAYBOOYAYBOO! indecipherable noise
Woodbridge: This is turning into a goddamn street fight!
Paisner: Tony’s showing some spirit here going blow for blow with Joey!
Joey seems shocked for a moment at the sheer fire coming from Tony’s strikes, and eats a vicious forearm strike that sends him staggering back.
He puts his hand up, seemingly calling time, but Tony just charges forward with another forearm! Joey rocks backwards, then drops to one knee!
Paisner: I don’t think Joey was expecting this level of intensity from Stevens here today!
Woodbridge: You might underestimate a milkman, but you shouldn’t underestimate a working man trying to protect the people he cares about!
Joey’s not quite finished yet, however, as he gets over his shock and grabs Tony by the tights, pulling him forward and laying into him with hockey enforcer punches!
Crowd: BOOOOOO! BOOOOOO! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Tony covers up to mitigate the impact, and Joey takes advantage, hooking Tony up and dropping him with a backbreaker!
Paisner: Joey with a nice backbreaker off the flurry of punches - perhaps the most technical we’ll see him in this match!
Woodbridge: That’s not fair - Joey’s been picking a couple targets and focusing in on them. Sure, he lacks finesse, but he’s definitely got his strategy down.
Tony rolls onto his stomach, clutching his back, and Joey immediately transitions to the legs, crossing them over and rotating into a sharpshooter!
Tony howls in pain, reaching out for something to grab, but there’s no way to break this hold! Joey squats, leaning back and bending his opponent nearly in half! Tony claws himself along the mat, looking for some way to break the hold, but it doesn’t seem to be possible!
Paisner: Joey’s just looking to break Stevens’ spine here!
Crowd: LET’S GO TONY! clap clap clapclapclap
Joey’s looking smug as he wrenches in the hold, seemingly looking to inflict serious injury on his opponent, when suddenly Tony’s flailing hand closes on something! He swings it back, connecting with Joey’s head, and Joey collapses to the mat! Tony manages to roll free from the submission hold, but his back is obviously damaged!
Joey is holding his head after the milk bottle shot, but he’s not out, and he starts to pull himself to the apron!
Joey brings himself up to his knees using the apron as a support, and then stands up, looking down at Tony!
Tony still has barely moved, but he’s got the bottle in his hand, and in one fluid motion, he brings it to his lips!
Paisner: I.. There’s no way!
The delicious, life-giving, bone-healing liquid revitalizes Tony, and he pushes himself up defiantly yet again at 9.5!
Woodbridge: MILKAMANIA RUNNING WILD!
Crowd: MR. SKELTAL! clap clap clapclapclap
Joey’s absolutely stunned at the man in front of him, and is even more stunned when Tony clocks him in the skull with yet another milk bottle shot! Joey hits the mat hard, clutching his head, but Tony isn’t done yet! He pulls himself up onto the apron, grabbing the ropes, and flips backward off the apron with a moonsault to Joey’s prone body!
Paisner: MILKSAULT! TONY WITH THE MILKSAULT!
Woodbridge: And Joey’s feeling every ounce of that milk right now!
Joey’s completely out of it, but so is Tony, clutching his back in absolute agony!
Paisner: This right here could decide the match, Mark - Whoever gets up here could be the winner, and either way they’ll have a huge advantage!
Woodbridge: I’m not sure either of them will have the strength to get up at this point, Allen - Joey just took a couple hard shots with that metal milk bottle, and I’m not sure Tony didn’t seriously injure his back with that moonsault!
Crowd: LET’S GO TONY! clap clap clapclapclap
Despite their cheering, it’s Joey who manages to roll over first, pushing himself up to hands and knees right at the cusp of the 8 count!
Joey’s up to one knee, but Tony isn’t far behind, clutching his back but sitting up! Undersach stops the count upon being satisfied both men are on their way back up.
Paisner: These two are something else, Mark! There’s nothing on the line in this match - these two just hate each other to the point that they won’t give up!
Woodbridge: It’s the purest form of wrestling, Allen - pure spite.
Joey’s got a moment to think, and he uses it wisely, charging into Tony shoulder-first and driving his spine into the apron! Tony hits hard, and howls in pain, clutching his back! Joey shoves Tony into the ring, and rolls in as well, getting to his feet quickly and measuring his opponent! Tony’s slow to get up, and Harry goes to start the count, but Joey waves him off, instead motioning Tony to stand up!
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOO!/LET”S GO TONY! clap clap clapclapclap
Paisner: Joey’s not taking any chances with this one - he’s looking to finish off Tony for good here!
Woodbridge: With all the punishment Tony’s taken so far this match, a good old fashioned Superman punch to the back of the neck would probably finish it off!
Tony slowly gets up to his hands and knees, obviously dazed, then gets up to one knee! Joey starts his sprint, and leaps into the air, cocking his fist back in anticipation!
Paisner: Joey with the Bertuzzi -
Out of nowhere, Tony whips around, hooks Joey up, and shoots him out of the ring with a belly-to-belly!
Paisner: OH MY GOD! WHAT A BELLY TO BELLY FROM TONY STEVENS!
Joey lands hard on the mat, and Tony slumps to the ground, clutching his back and leaning on the ropes to keep himself in a seated position! Undersach starts the count!
Woodbridge: I don’t know if Joey’s alive after that fall - let alone able to answer a 10 count!
DING DING DING
Javier: AND YOUR WINNER, AT A TIME OF 18:38.... TONY “THE MILKMAN” STEEEEEEEVENS!
Tony’s cheap theme hits the arena to the relief of the audience, and he slowly pulls himself up, still obviously having spinal issues! He staggers over to Undersach, who raises his hand, before rolling out of the ring to get a celebratory glass of milk!
Paisner: I - I’ll be honest I didn’t think the kid had it in him!
Woodbridge: Joey McCarty came out here, maybe not expecting the fire that Tony Stevens had after Joey’s attacks on his significant other, and he paid the price.
Paisner: ...that said, I don’t like that none of Joey’s revolutionary buddies came out here to help him tonight.
Joey, meanwhile, has barely moved throughout this entire debacle, and continues to barely move while a newly milk-mustachioed Tony Stevens high-fives audience members and celebrates his way to the back. Only a few moments later does McCarty finally stir, clutching his neck and head in absolute agony, and pull himself up before going to the back. The crew cleans up and Javier Babaganoush comes out to announce again.
Babaganoush: The following contest is scheduled for ONE FALL with a 60-minute time limit! Refereeing is Tai Ni Wong! Introducing first…
Stupid boy think that I need him... - GiGi bursts out from behind the curtain in full-on Menace cosplay over a more modest ring outfit - with Kaitlyn following behind her - breaking out into a high-speed skip as she takes the time to individually greet every one of her fans in the front row. The crowd is divided.
Crowd: YAAAAAY GIGI WE LOVE YOU! / BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Paisner: Woodbridge, what - what show is her outfit from?
Woodbridge: Don’t ask questions you don’t want answered, Allen. At least Kait didn’t feel the need to have a matching outfit… this time.
Paisner: Well. Well then. Listen, do you think she’s going to be serious enough this match to take out Stephen Romero? You know what that guy can absorb and live through.
Woodbridge: In her mind Romero has fucked with her bread and butter. I think she’s plenty motivated. And KCJ is… well… if it happens, she’s a damn sight more of a match for the Sactown beast.
Babaganoush: ...from Montreal, Quebec, Canada, weighing in at 120 pounds, accompanied to the ring by Kaitlyn Casey Jones and sponsored tonight by… by… am I reading this right? Fantasticocks Handcrafted Sex Toys… GIGI!
Crowd: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! / BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Babaganoush: And her opponent…
“Animal” strikes up and Stephen Romero marches to the ring brimming with will to fight. Half his face is painted in rainbow flag colors but more than that, his entire massive body is wrapped in a big bi pride flag! It billows behind him like a cape as he grins and stomps his way down and heads up the steps.
Crowd: YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! ROMERO! ROMERO! ROMERO!
Paisner: And there is the man of the hour. Romero showing his pride as he steps over the top rope.
Woodbridge: It looks like he has all the confidence in the world tonight, as he aims to show everyone that large black men can also be hot and sexy e-tho--
Paisner: I’m not sure that’s EXACTLY what his message is, but sure!
Babaganoush: - From Sacramento, CA, weighing in at 320 pounds - STEPHEN! ROMERO!
KCJ hangs back ominously on the outside, Romero stretches, GiGi smirks, and Wong checks them both over, then calls for the bell.
DING DING DING!
The two circle, and the sheer vastness of their nigh-on foot-and-a-half size difference is apparent once they close in with one another. Merely going in for collar-and-elbow would be relatively difficult for both combatants, so they seem to settle on striking right away - GiGi fires vigorous chops to Romero’s midsection while Romero comes down on her equally hard with overhead chops to the top of her head.
Crowd: WOOOOO! WOOOOO! WOOOOO!
Woodbridge: GiGi playing it smart here - the thing about a chop battle is you ain’t gotta be big to win. I once had my ass kicked in a chop battle by Petey “Short Round” Svenson, and he was legally a dwarf.
Paisner: And more so than that, these two both have a lot of frustrations with each other to get out in this moment.
Romero finally hits one that stuns GiGi, but not before he’s been driven back!
Paisner: I’m surprised GiGi can push Romero around to this level!
Woodbridge: I ain’t. She was putting her whole torso into those chops and she’s at the right height to work over his breadbasket. Trying to stand firm would cost Romero a lotta wind.
Romero heaves up the staggered GiGi into a fireman’s carry, looking for Moss-Covered Three-Handled Family Gredenza, but GiGi has already recovered and counters by leaping off his shoulders and landing on her feet and one hand. From this three-point-ish stance she launches herself at Romero’s legs for a takedown, which he brushes aside, but in the process runs backwards briskly into the ropes - and Kait runs towards the edge of the ring at the same time that GiGi leaps up and charges for the ropes - GiGi hits a springboard hurricanrana at the same time that Kait yanks on Romero’s ankles! The force makes him faceplant at a high angle!
Woodbridge: Hell of a flying rana, one of those rebounding jawns, but it looks like KCJ did something there…?
Paisner: Hard to see from where we’re sitting, but it looks like Wong didn’t notice - after all, GiGi DID take Romero down… she just had outside help.
GiGi makes an effort to roll Romero onto his back, but that proves hardly possible, especially since he’s still got enough energy to resist - she settles for sitting between his shoulders and attempting to bend his arm back. She pulls on the half-barred arm, clinging like a limpet as Romero gets his feet underneath him and tries to shake her off…
Paisner: GiGi adapting on the fly trying ASMR from this position, but Romero won’t be having that…
She scrambles into crucifix position on the standing Romero, stretching both his arms out - Romero leaps backwards and to the mat!
Paisner: COUNTERING SAMOAN DROP! He’s getting the cover!
Romero turns GiGi over into a leghook press…
Paisner: Oh, and only a one-count?
Woodbridge: GiGi with no patience at all.
She kicks out and furiously tries to get a grip on Romero’s same arm once again - Romero stands and pulls his wrist out of her grasp, turns, steps behind GiGi, and puts her arm in a hammerlock! He lifts her right up as she struggles but she’s able to kick backwards into his stomach, forcing him to put her down, and following up with a knee to the gut, making him double over. She jumps onto Romero’s back and works for a hammerlock of her own from a different position, putting on a reverse headscissors for leverage!
Crowd: OHHHHHHH! / BOOOOOOOOOOOOO! / PLEASE DON’T TAP! PLEASE DON’T TAP!
Paisner: Well that’s new.
Woodbridge: Sort of an… inverted… spider… hammerlock?
Paisner: In any case, GiGi’s going to be difficult for Romero to dislodge, especially with his arm in such an awkward position.
Romero, stumbling and grimacing, tries to use his free arm to peel GiGi’s calves from around his neck, but they’re posted too well; shortly afterwards, though, he reels to the ropes and grabs on to force a break, even as GiGi’s bodyweight causes tremendous pain to his other arm.
Crowd: ROMERO! ROMERO! ROMERO!
GiGi slithers off Romero’s back…
Paisner: Romero needing to walk to the ropes and get out of the hold that way, but that was smart of him - Wong is always attentive and quick with his rope break counts.
Woodbridge: Problem with that stretch for GiGi is that it don’t immobilize your opponent except with forcin’ them to carry you. For Romero, carryin’ anyone ain’t gonna be a problem.
Romero rubs his sore arm and winces and leans down against the ropes for another moment to recuperate as GiGi makes a pouty thinking face and loudly asks Wong what exactly the rules for rope breaks are again… Wong, exasperated, turns around and spreads all five fingers and taps the palm of his hand - which is enough time for Kait to spring into action, jumping up on the apron and using gravity and momentum to hit a wheeling inside-out armdrag to Romero, who sails to the floor for an awkward landing! Kait lays into him with chops, but Romero, not even wanting to fight her, gives her a shove back and turns back for the ring - she knees him right in the spine!
Woodbridge: OH JESUS Kait with the stealth!
Paisner: She shouldn’t be laying a hand on him at all - but damn, you see how she used the top rope like a lever to yank him out?
Woodbridge: That’s a 200 IQ play, Big Al.
Crowd: OHHHHHHHHH! / BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Seeing Kait and Romero fighting on the floor, but unable to tell who started the incident, Wong simply begins a countout on Romero…
Romero cries out in pain and surprise from the knee strike and turns around to try to pick Kait up, only to be answered with an uppercut to the jaw - he shakes off the pain to blow Kait away with a hellacious discus clothesline!
Woodbridge: MEAT SPIN!
Paisner: Romero striking true! Felling Kait! But he’s gotta get back in that ring!
Obviously dazed, Kait immediately forces herself to sit up regardless and tries mightily to get to her feet; Romero grabs her legs and lifts her by the hips as he makes one revolution, tossing her backwards with a modified giant swing!
Woodbridge: OH SHIT! Romero just used that swing as a hammer throw, Kait went sailin’!
Paisner: He’ll be hoping she won’t bother him again, but almost half his time has expired and he’s gotta beat the count while GiGi sits pretty…
As Romero turns, relieved, and moves to reenter the ring, GiGi has hit the ropes - she charges for the outside! TOPE SUICIDA! It’s massively forceful coming from someone GiGi’s size - Romero’s knocked on his ass straight down like he was being pulled to earth by a magnet, and she even manages to slightly overshoot on speed, her momentum sending her right past Romero and crashing her arm-first into the barricade!
Woodbridge and Paisner: HOLY SHIT!
GiGi scrambles up, clutching her arm, and runs back for the ring while Romero rolls around in pain - Wong has reset his count, but Romero is in even WORSE shape than before!
Paisner: You think she’ll take a countout?
Woodbridge: Hell yes she would. GiGi knows her fanbase only cares about one thing in this match… her getting the dub. Don’t matter how.
GiGi takes her sweet time catching her breath in the ring again as Romero takes a deep inhale and crawls for the ring, pulling himself up on the apron and trying to roll in - GiGi is ready with a slingshot double foot stomp to Romero’s chest! She skins-the-cat back in as Kait, unseen by Wong, scampers back towards the ring again and hits Romero with one sneaky running bionic elbow to the skull before retreating to the shadows again like a wounded animal…
Woodbridge: I have to at least say that rope-assist stomp was graceful...
Paisner: But brutal, and unsporting. And it looks like Romero wasn’t as finished with KCJ tonight as he thought.
Working through the pain, Romero finally rolls back into the ring and starts to get up, but is met with a high kick from GiGi! She follows up with a leap, a roll, and a heel kick!
Paisner: GiGi’s flying spinning heel kick taking Romero down, and she goes for the cover…
GiGi lays on Romero’s chest, crosses his legs in lieu of hooking them, and pulls out her phone to take a selfie, prompting an “I LOVE YOU GIGI!” from the crowd that’s drowned out by boos.
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2020.04.09 23:36 GenMarriottSuites Spy cam guys locker room
SEASON ONE Episode 1: The Pilot
“We would like to pay for everyone’s headsets.” -Cameron
Episode 2: The Bicycle Thief
“…Still thinking.” -Jay
Episode 3: Come Fly With Me
JAY: You – you wanna just hang out?
PHIL: Brought 6 friends so that just…haha. Let’s…
Episode 4: The Incident
MITCH: It’s my mom.
CAM: Oh yeah, right, ‘cause the last time she was here, the refrigerator magnets rearranged themselves into a pentag – grandma!
Episode 5: Coal Digger
MITCH: No, stop. Don’t do the “double question to prove a point thing.” I hate it when people do that.
CAM: [as Lily] Do you, Mitchell? Do you?
Episode 6: Run for Your Wife
MITCH: Yeah, there are days when Lily has more costume changes than Cher.
CAM: Cher! How could I forget Cher? That’s embarrassing.
MITCH: That’s embarrassing?
Episode 7: En Garde
PHIL: And then uh, I guess that leaves Luke.
PHIL: …We dropped the ball a little bit on that one.
CLAIRE: Yeah, a little bit.
Episode 8: Great Expectations
“Umm, things I want: robot dog, night vision goggles, bug vacuum, GPS watch, speakers that look like rocks. I love my wife but she sucks at giving gifts. I’m sorry for the pay channel language but --- oh! Yogurt maker! I can’t not think of things I want.” -Phil
Episode 9: Fizbo
CLAIRE: A crafts table! You know, where everybody gathers around and they make stuff and bam! They get their own party favor.
PHIL: [snores] Sorry, I fell asleep while you were describing the most boring party ever.
[Claire hits him]
Episode 10: Undeck the Halls
CLAIRE: Haley, keep that ugly sweater on.
PHIL: Anyway…Merry Christmas!
Episode 11: Up All Night
“I don’t like the guy. Do I have reasons? Yeah. Good reasons? Yeah. How many reasons do I need? None. I don’t like the guy.” -Jay, about Javier
Episode 12: Not in My House
“Stupid dog.” -Gloria, hiding Barkley
Episode 13: Fifteen Percent
“Hi! I’m Whitney. I’m here for Manny.” -Manny’s blind date
Episode 14: Moon Landing
“I have been avoiding this day like the plague. I mean, part of going to the gym is the locker room atmosphere. And if I’m there with a gay guy, it’s just not gonna be the same. I mean, for me it’s a locker room. For him, it’s a show room… She doesn’t get it.” -Jay, about Cameron
Episode 15: My Funky Valentine
“Did he trump me? You tell me. He made a painting out of a photograph one time. I have hand-picked a card, drawn a heart in the steam on the medicine cabinet, and taken Claire to Fratelli’s, a family-style Italian restaurant, for 17 years in a row—yeah, he got me. He got me.” -Phil, comparing Dylan’s gift
Episode 16: Fears
PHIL: What if there’s ancient Indian arrow heads under there?
LUKE: What if it’s gold bars?
PHIL: Oh, you think?
CLAIRE: For God sakes, why don’t you go under the house and look?
Episode 17: Truth Be Told
GLORIA: It’s just not a good poster, Jay.
JAY: You’re only making me stronger!
Episode 18: Starry Night
“Wah. Wah. No one can hear me now. Wooo! Everybody is stupid except me. Ha ha ha. I am funny.” -Luke, wearing noise-canceling headphones
Episode 19: Game Changer
“Boy, if a spider would’ve broken in here, he would’ve been in tro-u-ble.” -Cameron
Episode 20: Benched
“One day I’m gonna be a grandfather and then everybody better hide their meat.” -Phil
Episode 21: Travels with Scout
PHIL: We will all help. This is a great chance to teach the kids responsibility.
CLAIRE: That is exactly what you said about Luke’s paper route.
Episode 22: Airport 2010
JAY: Thank you, Honey. Are they uh, all gonna be up with us in first class?
GLORIA: Ay, no, Silly. Coach. You think I’m made of money?
JAY: [chuckles] Of course not.
Episode 23: Hawaii
“I’m home.” -Manny
Episode 24: Family Portrait
“Hey mom! I think my diet’s working! My underwear won’t stay up!” Manny
SEASON TWO Episode 1: The Old Wagon
“You know what? You can insult a lot of things about me; my hair, my voice, my balance board exercises. But don’t insult my selling. That crosses a line. What line? Oh, you don’t see it? That’s ‘cause I just sold it.” -Phil
Episode 2: The Kiss
“He blew his lid when she tried to contain him.” -Phil with tupperware
Episode 3: Earthquake
PLUMBER: It could be a washer. Cracked valve. Stripped pipe.
PHIL: Well, I guess I’m not a professional plumber but I have spent a huge amount of time in that tub. I can tell you from experience or at least what it feels like in there—
Episode 4: Strangers on a Treadmill
[Cam grabs an apple, Mitch looks on]
MITCH: I didn’t say anything!
[Cam spills the fruit tray]
Episode 5: Unplugged
[Luke slurps milk from his bowl]
PHIL: That’s awesome.
Episode 6: Halloween
CLAIRE: Ever since I was a kid, I loved scary things. If there was a new horror movie in town, I was the first in line. “One please!” Then I met Phil.
PHIL: “Two please!”
Episode 7: Chirp
JAY: Wait a minute, is that Manny driving?
GLORIA: Is it?
[Manny crashes through a wall]
JAY: Yeah, it’s him.
Episode 8: Manny Get Your Gun
“Ay! Sorry, sorry, I couldn’t find my earring. So what were we talking about, huh?” -Gloria
Episode 9: Mother Tucker
CAM: She raised 4 kids, 2 barns, and a whole lot of Hell.
MITCH: That sounds like a country song.
CAM: And that song would be called “The Greatest Woman That Ever Lived.”
MITCH: …Cam loves his mom.
Episode 10: Dance Dance Revelation
“Let’s go, Incredible Hulk.” -Phil
Episode 11: Slow Down Your Neighbors
[The stranger in the hot tub has abs]
MITCH: We should at least say hello.
CAM: It’s only polite.
Episode 12: Our Children, Ourselves
CAM: [to Lily] You naughty little girl.
MITCH: Well, you know, that’s what happens when you give me kahlua.
Episode 13: Caught in the Act
“It sended! Please come back.” -Gloria
Episode 14: Bixby’s Back
“But I am aware when someone has a crush on me and he does not have a crush on me.” -Mitch, nodding
Episode 15: Princess Party
LUKE: I’ve got some stuff prepared. ‘Hey mom, I’m firtsy.’ Eh? Adorable, right?
PHIL: Yeah. That’s…that’s good.
LUKE: Don’t worry. It works better in my jammies.
Episode 16: Regrets Only
GLORIA: [singing karaoke] Just call me angel of the morning, angel, touch my cheek before you leave me…
[Jay tosses silverware into the garbage disposal]
Episode 17: Two Monkeys and a Panda
“Adopting! Yay!” -Cam
Episode 18: Boys’ Night
JAY: I ever tell you the story about me and crab cakes? Thought I didn’t like them, tried them, loved them.
MANNY: Wow. Are the movie rights available for that one?
Episode 19: The Musical Man
CLAIRE: You are gonna have your choice of some pretty good colleges when the time comes.
HALEY: If I go to college.
HALEY: I’ve been thinking about it lately and I might…not. Later!
ALEX: Well, we took the scenic route but we ended up in the same place!
Episode 20: Someone to Watch Over Lily
[Dunphy house in chaos]
MITCH: Did we come at a bad time?
CLAIRE: Come back in 7 years and 5 months when they’re all GOOOOOONE!
Episode 21: Mother’s Day
“Okay, scratch the balloons. She is in a mood.” -Mitch
Episode 22: Good Cop, Bad Dog
“Why me? We had amazing seats for Lady Gaga and he gets sick. I’ve been looking forward to that concert for months. It’s the one gay cliché I allow myself.” -Mitch, uncrossing his legs
Episode 23: See You Next Fall
“Really, Mitchell? I could’ve just died.” -Cam
Episode 24: The One That Got Away
CLAIRE: It’s your grandfather’s birthday! We gotta start taking this seriously.
MITCH: [as a sailor] Permission to come aboard!
SEASON THREE Episode 1: Dude Ranch
CAM: I don’t think it needs balancing out.
[Photobook is a pop-up with music]
CAM: It’s called production value.
Episode 2: When Good Kids Go Bad
LILY: [shoves the baby] MY daddy!
[The baby cries]
MITCH: Okay, well, that’s one problem solved.
Episode 3: Phil on Wire
“Seeing that weird, wonderful little man pursuing his dream of walking on a tightrope made me think: maybe I could pursue my dream…of walking on a tight rope.” -Phil
Episode 4: Door-to-Door
HALEY: [with smeared lipstick] How’s my face?
ALEX: Still good.
HALEY: Okay, good.
Episode 5: Hit & Run
CAM: Enjoy the show. I was always a fan of The Muppets. Especially the two guys in the theatre who wouldn’t shut up.
DAD: Just leave!
Episode 6: Go Bullfrogs!
“Go Bulldogs!” -Phil
Episode 7: Treehouse
SHORTY: Shame. There’s an expression in Italian, Jay. Dammi la tua mano e correremo unito per tutta la vita. Give me your hand and we will run together our whole lives.
GLORIA: Jay also hates running.
Episode 8: After the Fire
JAY: No, I got it. Ahh, my back! [doubles over]
PHIL: [walking in] No, Jay, that’s not quite it. Remember, you got air blowing through you so it’s more like, and then up, and then up.
Episode 9: Punkin Chunkin
“Roll up the curtain! Bing!” -Phil and Buddy, “man-shaking”
Episode 10: Express Christmas
PHIL: Everyone in the house! We’ll make a plan! Time is of the – hot! Hot! It’s just too hot! [jumps in the pool]
Episode 11: Lifetime Supply
JAY: But I was looking forward to –
GLORIA: You’re going!
JAVIER: That, I don’t miss.
Episode 12: Egg Drop
LUKE: I’ve got it. What if I’m the container?
CLAIRE: There’s a thought. You could be—No! Luke! Luke!
Episode 13: Little Bo Bleep
PHIL: Yeah and we can point out all the little things she does that turn people off.
PHIL: Like that look. I would lose that look.
[Claire changes her face]
PHIL: Spooky but better.
Episode 14: Me? Jealouse?
JAY: It’s noisier than usual around here.
[Cam and Gloria laugh]
Episode 15: Aunt Mommy
LUKE: How much electricity do we need to bring this back?
LEON: It’s not rocket science. We’re only reanimating a squirrel.
CLAIRE: Phil! Now!
Episode 16: Virgin Territory
LILY: Great, daddy, you ruined brunch.
[Everyone awws and laughs]
MANNY: This ends today.
Episode 17: Leap Day
MITCH: Okay birthday boy, what’s it gonna be? Rom-com or horror? Or we could do both and watch Maid in Manhattan. What are you doing?
CAMERON: Canceling our baby.
Episode 18: Send Out the Clowns
[Clown throws a pie in with the coffin.]
Episode 19: Election Day
CAM: [innocently] Can you tell me how this machine works again, Chad?
CHAD: Oh sure, no problem.
Episode 20: The Last Walt
PHIL: Death is a profound thing to deal with at any age. We all manage it differently. Some people lock up their feelings, others reach out for comfort finding some way to reaffirm their connection to life...
CLAIRE: You’re joking.
Episode 21: Planes, Trains, and Cars
CAR DEALER: So, wanna take it for a spin?
PHIL: [points toward the cawoman] You know what? I’d rather take her for a spin. Let’s get her top down, see what she can do – no. I meant the convertible.
Episode 22: Disneyland
ALEX: Hi, I’m Al–
HALEY: [pushing her] My 14-year-old sister. Ethan, was it?
Episode 23: Tableau Vivant
“Wait a second, you’re carrying your shoes. How am I supposed to judge the whole outfit? Put ‘em on.” -Phil
Episode 24: Baby on Board
CLAIRE: You are driving to some California border town to adopt a baby and I have to hear it from Gloria?
MITCH: I was outside for 2 minutes.
CAM: I kept it in as long as I could. WE’RE HAVING A BABYYYYYY!
SEASON FOUR Episode 1: Bringing Up Baby
SHORTY: Don’t worry, Gloria, we’ll have him back in time for dinner.
MANNY: Which for him is at 4 in the afternoon.
PHIL: ‘Cause he’s old! I love it!
Episode 2: Schooled
JAY: I don’t know why I have to go to this thing. In case you’ve forgotten, I raised 2 kids.
CLAIRE: Stop pulling my hair!
MITCH: Stop twisting my nipple!
CLAIRE: Shut up, shut up!
JAY: Why look at me? It was their mother’s fault. I was barely around.
Episode 3: Snip
[The kids argue]
PHIL: Five more years…
Episode 4: The Butler’s Escape
CAM: This is how we learn to siiing.
[Lily unplugs the keyboard]
Episode 5: Open House of Horrors
CLAIRE: I was plenty scary. I used professional-grade makeup.
PHIL: That’s the point, Claire. It was overkill. You’re the kind of person who could be twice as scary without wearing any makeup! Bye.
Episode 6: Yard Sale
PHIL: [on his StreetStrider] Does it matter to any of you that this is actually an extremely efficient cardio vascular workout that could prolong my life?
CLAIRE: Yeah but what kind of life and with whom?
Episode 7: Arrested
MANNY: I heard the phone. Who died?
GLORIA: Jay’s friend.
MANNY: Oh, Jay, I’m so sorry.
CLAIRE: [hanging up] Okay, I can’t do this again.
Episode 8: Mistery Date
“Phil Dunphy, this is the year 2025. Welcome. You’re the first one here.” -Phil
Episode 9: When a Tree Falls
“They’re gonna eat you alive, Suburbia.” -Luke
Episode 10: Diamond in the Rough
LUKE: I found a dead snake!
CLAIRE: It’s perfect.
LUKE: [runs away] Not dead, not dead!
CLAIRE: I’m gonna be mother of the year.
Episode 11: New Years Eve
CAM: Did we miss it?
MITCH: It’s only 10 o’clock.
MITCH: It’s only 10 o’clock.
MITCH: It’s only 10 o’clock!
Episode 12: Party Crasher
[Cam throws rice]
CAM: Oh, are you okay, sweetie?
LILY: What do you think?!
Episode 13: Fulgencio
“Fulgencio Umberto. The initials are F.U. Pritchett, which is exactly the way it feels right now.” -Jay
Episode 14: A Slight at the Opera
CLAIRE: You guys have fun! Go on, nothing to worry about. I got it handled here.
LILY: Be careful!
LUKE: [putting] Don’t worry, just keep your mouth open.
CLAIRE: We’re fine, it’s fine.
Episode 15: Heart Broken
PHIL: Can’t shock Clive. Just tell me what you want.
PHIL: Juliana? Claire? One of you needs to answer me.
Episode 16: Bad Hair Day
“One second, buddy. Salesman said when you’re breaking these shoes in, it’s easier to move side-to-side… Son of a gun! He was right! What do we got here – oh!” -Phil, falling
Episode 17: Best Man
SAL: We’re getting married! Let’s have a drink!
MITCH: We’re out of vodka.
SAL: …I will see you on Friday.
Episode 18: The Wow Factor
“Yesterday, I accidentally said ‘eleventy-five.’” -Claire
Episode 19: The Future Dunphys
PHIL: …And Luke, Coffee Bot is a non-starter, but I do like the idea of popcorn kernels in the pancake batter so they self-flip!
CLAIRE: Stop talking! Step away from the children.
Episode 20: Flip Flop
“Seriously, it’s bad luck to toast with an empty glass.” -Haley
Episode 21: Career Day
“I’ve got nowhere to be.” -Lily, waiting for the Tooth Fairy
Episode 22: My Hero
LILY: Daddy loves Pepper!
MITCH: I taught her that!
Episode 23: Games People Play
“Fortunately this time, I don’t have to be the wet blanket because even on just a short spin up the coast, Phil will see what I see every day; the transformation that happens when our kids are locked in a moving metal box. The Kraken that is unleashed. I love my kids very, very much.” -Claire
Episode 24: Goodnight, Gracie
MITCH: Does Gloria really look like the kind of woman who would run a brothel?
[They look at her]
MITCH: Yeah, I better go with her.
CAM: You should go.
SEASON FIVE Episode 1: Suddenly, Last Summer
MANNY: Hey Cam, congratulations! Go, gay marriage!
[Joe throws up]
LILY: He did it again.
GLORIA: Ay, sí.
CAM: Okay, well…
Episode 2: First Days
LILY: Hey, I’ve been dressed for an hour. Come on, I can’t be late. I’ll fall behind.
MITCH: Sometimes I forget to factor in the ‘Asian.’
Episode 3: Larry’s Wife
CLAIRE: I’ll leave you a message.
PHIL: Okay. [she calls]
PHIL: Sorry! Call back!
Episode 4: Farm Strong
PHIL: You know, if we’re not going, we could stay in bed a little longer.
CLAIRE: No thank you. Don’t wanna have this conversation again in 15 years.
Episode 5: The Late Show
PHIL: Claire, he’s not a little boy anymore.
[Luke falls back]
LUKE: I’m fine!
PHIL: See how deep his voice is? …Are you okay?!
Episode 6: The Help
PEPPER: Now, let’s lose this couch.
MITCH: Wow, you need that much space, huh?
PEPPER: No, it’s hideous. This can’t be news to you. Ohh…
Episode 7: A Fair to Remember
PHIL: [sings] She’s such a pretty sight, wise as a Buddha, but brother watch that bite, ‘cause she’s a Claire-acuda!
CAM: …Or an existing song!
LILY: Thank you.
Episode 8: ClosetCon ‘13
MITCH: Wow, there’s actually an animal that runs toward that sound, huh?
Episode 9: The Big Game
MANNY: I can see that bothers you.
JAY: Well, yeah, your own kid embarrassed to be seen with you. Ya know, I mean, you spend your whole life—
MANNY: Here’s fine!
Episode 10: The Old Man and the Tree
HALEY: When I wake up in my own room tomorrow, I’m gonna be giving thanks for my independence. And isn’t that what Christmas is all about?
CLAIRE: Seriously, nothing?
[Alex smiles and shrugs]
Episode 11: And One to Grow On
CLAIRE: She’s in a hurry today.
HALEY: Oh, that’s just step one of her 9-point safety test. Step 2 is checking the horn to make sure checking the horn didn’t break the horn.
[Alex honks again]
CLAIRE: She should never drive.
Episode 12: Under Pressure
“There is a 16-year-old science prodigy studying cancer research at Johns Hopkins! 16! What am I doing, I’m eating cake! Cake! Cake! Caaaaaake!” -Alex
Episode 13: Three Dinners
“I get it, okay? I’m lazy! GOD!” -Haley
Episode 14: iSpy
“Claire, you’re a tough one to figure out. You don’t trust bad boys and yet, you married one.” -Phil
Episode 15: The Feud
GIL: Well, don’t worry. It’s gonna get a good buffing tonight when it’s swinging against the back of my wife’s head. Oh!
PHIL: That is NOT respecting the medallion!
Episode 16: Spring-A-Ding Fling
HALEY: But you’re not gonna have those cookies without milk, right?
PHIL: Right. Come on, Phil.
[Haley sneaks her friends in]
Episode 17: Other People’s Children
“And we also asked Claire to go because we thought her sensible style nicely compliments Gloria’s flair. That way, Lily doesn’t end up looking too [“La Cucaracha”] or too ‘wah-waaaah.’” – Cam
Episode 18: Las Vegas
[Kilty Pleasures poster]
CAM: I mean, come on, have you ever seen a Scottish person this tan? I’m embarrassed even looking at it.
CLAIRE: Then stop.
Episode 19: A Hard Jay’s Night
CAM: He found us in soap. Today, Mitchell, I know love.
MITCH: I no love either.
Episode 20: Australia
GLORIA: Your lips are huge! I think you’re allergic to the ve-he-mi-te.
PHIL: No worries.
JAY: I’d be a little worried.
Episode 21: Sleeper
“There were a couple of snags but I think I covered my tracks pretty well.” -Phil, leaving a handprint
Episode 22: Message Received
JAY: Well, you’re gonna sit there until you at least try a pickle.
MANNY: You’re drunk with power.
JAY: You got that right.
Episode 23: The Wedding Pt. 1
SAL: Yes! I will totally officiate your wedding! Oh my drinks! Ha!
CAM: [confessional] It was supposed to be an intervention.
Episode 24: The Wedding Pt. 2
PEPPER: To the shuttles!
MITCH: But we don’t know a thing about this place.
PEPPER: Oh, my mistake. Let’s go over it. It’s a quaint, rustic spot, though its chief selling-point is it’s not about to become a kiln!
MITCH: To the shuttles!
SEASON SIX Episode 1: The Long Honeymoon
“Sure was nice when this house wasn’t full of bees!” -Lily
Episode 2: Do Not Push
MITCH: Why is she doing that with her face?
CAM: I don’t know, I’ve never seen such a weird, forced smile.
LILY: How do I look?
CAM: [forced smile] Beautiful.
MITCH: [forced smile] Perfect.
Episode 3: The Cold
CLAIRE: Oh no, I’m not getting you sick. This cold stops with me. Why do you think I swapped beds with Luke last night?
PHIL: You did?
LUKE: Appreciate the backrub. Not sure I love being called “Miss Thang.”
Episode 4: Marco Polo
[Haley flushes and the dogs bark]
CLAIRE: Ahh! AGHH!
Episode 5: Won’t You Be Our Neighbor
CLAIRE: [licked Luke’s face] It’s peanut butter, by the way.
HALEY: We ran out of peanut butter 2 days ago.
Episode 6: Halloween 3: AwesomeLand
CAM: [trying to find Waldo] Where is the little guy?
MITCH: He’s right there.
CAM: How do you find it so –
MITCH: [gives him Groucho glasses] Let’s try these.
Episode 7: Queer Eyes, Full Hearts
CAM: I don’t think I’m interesting enough to do a news segment on. I mean, what would a reporter even say about me? That I’m a high school football coach with an undefeated record, who’s tackling stereotypes? That, on my team, prejudice is considered out of bounds? That we’re blitzing bigotry, kicking intolerance and beating –
MITCH: Metaphors to death?
Episode 8: Three Turkeys
“They call her ‘La Tranquila.” -Jay, about Gloria
Episode 9: Strangers in the Night
CLAIRE: [to Alex] You have a boyfriend?
LUKE: And you thought my thing was crazy.
Episode 10: Haley’s 21st Birthday
“Ooh, it burns?” -Haley, taking a shot
Episode 11: The Day We Almost Died
[The family avoids a crash]
“Why are we stopping?” -Luke
Episode 12: The Big Guns
HALEY: Uh, no, a terrible idea is a movie about a guy who can fax himself places.
LUKE: ‘Cause you haven’t heard the title: Just the Fax Man.
HALEY: [gasps] Yeah!
ALEX: That water can’t hit us soon enough.
Episode 13: Rash Decisions
“You were stuffy long before Stella. Do you not remember scolding that waiter at Chuck E. Cheese for serving you from the right?” -Jay
Episode 14: Valentine’s Day 4: Twisted Sister
CLAIRE: …And come straight home, put on our jammies, and fall asleep in front of the TV.
PHIL: Perfect. Looking forward to it already.
CLAIRE: Ew, but not those ones I hate. Those red satin pajamas.
PHIL: [hides the red pajamas] I don’t even know where those are!
Episode 15: Fight or Flight
“I have to admit I was a little miffed that Claire grabbed the good seat especially after I gave her such a magical weekend, but I was determined to stay positive. And then it hit me.” -Phil
Episode 16: Connection Lost
“I waited in line for 2 hours but I got it! Ooh, we making a home movie?” -Phil
Episode 17: Closet? You’ll Love It!
CAM: [singing] I’m never sharp, I’m pitch-perfect.
MITCH: [singing] I’m talking about your tone toward our daughter.
LILY: [singing] I can understand you, even when you’re singiiiiing.
Episode 18: Spring Break
“Wait, does that mean you also didn’t like my bagpiping? Is that why we have Luke? [to Luke] It’s not. [to Claire] Is it?!” -Phil
Episode 19: Grill, Interrupted
CLAIRE: I know. You’re upset because I said you were a born –
PHIL: There’s no such thing as a born cheerleader. It takes hard work and sacrifice. You know what a human pyramid is without hours of training? 10 obituaries!
Episode 20: Knock ‘Em Down
CAM: Yes, you’re very hip. That’s the theme song to the Antiques Roadshow.
MITCH: He’s right. That’s embarrassing.
Episode 21: Integrity
“I wanted 2 rough-and-tumble boys. I got a Manny and a pedi.” -Jay
Episode 22: Patriot Games
MITCH: Oh my God, can you believe that?
CAM: Yeah, he’s a little hippy for somebody that doesn’t eat potatoes.
Episode 23: Crying Out Loud
PHIL/HALEY/LUKE: Ditch Day! Ditch Day! Ditch Day!
ALEX: Is this a high holiday for you people?
Episode 24: American Skyper
“It’s like I’m right there in the room with you guys! Hello? Hello?” -Robot Phil on wheels
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2020.03.28 18:08 jack_the_rat I'm compiling a list of clichés, so far I have 400+. Surely I missed something you all didn't, so tell me what I might have missed!
2019.07.16 06:25 SoberDisappointment Cam locker spy room guys
Mobile disclosure: you’re reading a rough draft I’m not formatting, until I revise it.
In 1989 two people met briefly behind a bar, she didn’t know his name and he didn’t care about hers. She stumbled toward the road for her car with his cum running down her thighs. As the woman sat down she felt the sticky squish and exclaimed “oh fuck”. 9 months later Brandi Banner was born. It didn’t take long for a young mom to find a new husband and marry peacefully to settle into city life.
Brandi never bothered with computers, she spent her time in front of the tv or flipping through magazines in her room. Carefree and modest, teenager; indestructible in her own mind. Her mother was an only child, but Brandi had many aunts and uncles. Lloyd was an uncle she was partially raised by when her father was injured while deployed overseas. While being older that her mother was when she got pregnant while drunk, Brandi was never left unsupervised. Lloyd brought her his old laptop and had written the login info down for it. However it sat for about a month before she used it to discuss a project in one of her school new gifted classes which required discussing in a chat room and posting on a forum. While saving some files for class she started opening folders and looking at what was left behind. Lloyd had a massive collection of women and men naked, having sex or performing acts in public. It was her first time seeing a mans body and she wasn’t too impressed but couldn’t be distracted. Later while opening the browser, the home page was set to open a few pages. A spy cam site, a forum for public masturbation and a chat room for adults. Brandi looked around the spy cam site not noticing that her cam had started streaming, she then clicked around a bit on the forum. Grossed out by the extremely older men she had seen she decided to close it. She entered the chat room. Within a few seconds she seen the number of incoming messages grow. She exchanged a few words and quickly closed anyone sending pictures of themselves. She spoke with a few people asking about changing the opening pages and someone walked her through the process. When she attempted to close the spy cam site she noticed that she had messages on their as well. She opened the most recent, [lose the clothes slut]. She switched back over to the other page and began talking with her new friend about the cam site. He told her to ask some simple questions. “Who am I?” She wrote, and his response was [some slut]. “Why should I?” She asked, [look whore, if you want me to send anything I want to see it all] she decided to close the page. While she told her friend about the page he suggested she open the page back to make sure she wasn’t still viewable. He asked her to check messages and read them all, no matter how it upset or grossed her out. The third message from first to come in, over an hour before only contained [hello Brandi] she told her new friend about the message and she replied “who is this”. Her friend said she should find out and message him to try and figure it out. She did, or at least tried. She had been online for hours now and had gotten up to change for bed. She had only thought about the cam site before removing her bra and she sat down. A new message 11 minutes prior [youre in one of my classes] the same user as before, literallyliteral. “Who is this” [someone with many photos of you now] “What?” [cute bra, they did always look big] “Stop being a perv” [do you want these all over school? I can print 100s and just toss them in the hall] “Please don’t” [you don’t have a boyfriend, but lots of boys have asked you out] “I’m not allowed to date” [but you’re allowed to webcam yourself in a bra? Weird parenting] “...” [dont bother covering up yet, chat and I’ll think about deleting some photos] “Chat about what?” [tomorrow you will wear a skirt, and a button up. Pigtails and leave 3 buttons undone] “I can’t leave my buttons undone” [yes you can, or everyone is going to see these] “My dad wouldn’t allow it” [once you’re at school just undo them, and make sure you’re only wearing what I said, and shoes, socks if you’re good] “What do you mean good and guys are gonna stare at my bra and stuff” [you stop arguing and become agreeable, and you’re not wearing a bra tomorrow, nothing under the skirt either] “No way I can leave like that” [why not? Daddy?] “I hate not having a bra on and yes both my parents” [...hmm] “What” [take your bra off at school, if I see you wearing it after lunch you photos of you being a cam slut will be littered across the school.] “Come on just delete them, I’m nice to everyone” [say “thank you” and you can wear panties until lunch] “Thank you” [after lunch you take them off in the boys locker room and leave them there] “Oh god, I can’t go in there” [yes you can, hall pass to the bathroom and go in.] “I have to go to bed” [ill be watching]
The next morning...
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2019.04.26 14:51 autobuzzfeedbot Spy cam guys locker room
2018.10.13 05:36 throwaway25719273 Feel really guilty for the porn I've watched
So earlier this year I stumbled upon one of those infamous locker room/shower spy cam accounts on Tumblr and I would occasionally scroll casually through it when I had the chance. I'm really bad at self-reflection and for some reason it didn't occur to me that what I was watching was really immoral and that it was totally inappropriate to make porn out of someone's private moments. I wasn't getting off to the idea that I was violating someone's privacy, I just like watching the natural nude male figure more than gay sex. It took me a really long time to come to this conclusion and I really wished I had really thought about what I was watching but I think it was just my horny one-track brain that wasn't so focused on morals above other things. I've really been beating myself up over it for the past few months and it's probably the worst thing I've done in my life. IRL I'm not a pervert I'm just a normal 16 year old boy who's respectful of all his guy friends and minds his own business in the locker room. Is all of it real, anyway? I understand how the straight hidden cam porn can be fake but it's a lot easier to stealthily film as a guy in guys' spaces.
Has this happened to anyone else? Or I am just dumb/messed up for not stopping it sooner? I feel really ashamed and feel like a total creep.
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2018.05.18 12:31 Dasnake24 Spy cam guys locker room
*Roquan Smith — ILB — Georgia *
The Bears are in compete-now mode. Why are we in “compete-now” mode?... Because the only thing we need to do now is compete and win games. John Fox was just a placeholder until we find some more permanent solutions at both QB and HC. Even though the Bears are a young team and are still learning, they have all the tools needed to start winning games and make a playoff run. You could even say that it’s evident through the draft as well. We have taken established players who have had multiple seasons of production who are ready to contribute now. If we compare the first two rounds in the 2017 and 2018 draft. The guys we took in 2017 (Trubisky and Shaheen) had a bit more to learn than the guys we took in 2018. We knew before the beginning of the season that Trubisky and Shaheen weren’t going to be immediate contributors. The very opposite is said for Roquan Smith, James Daniels, and Anthony Miller.
Roquan Smith is the smartest linebacker in this draft and is a perfect fit for what Fangio wants to do with his defense. He has so many things you can’t easily teach, such as his athleticism, football IQ, instincts, and the feel for the game. LB was an underrated need for us, as we’ve had no consistency at the position with the injuries, rotation in depth, and the predicament that was Jerrell Juicin’ Freeman. Roquan is super athletic and has speed to run sideline to sideline. Roquan’s ability to diagnose and tell what a play is before it even develops is super valuable… Especially to a team that wants to win now. When it comes to new opponents in the NFC North like Kerryon Johnson, Jimmy Graham, and Dalvin Cook (we never played against him), Roquan Smith is an answer for all of them. When it comes to eliminating routes that are developing in front of him as well as routes developing behind him, Roquan is a solution. We also have to go against a group of super tough QBs like Aaron Rodgers, Matthew Stafford, and now Kirk Cousins… Roquan is a solution for them in coverage. Are you getting the theme? Roquan is a great linebacker who is a solution for anything and everything an offense will try to do to you. Having a LB that can really change the coverage game like Roquan is invaluable with the level of competition we have in the NFC North.
Originally Bears fans including myself were high on Tremaine Edmunds, but in hindsight, I truly think Roquan is the better pick now. Roquan has a better football IQ in spades compared to Tremaine. Roquan is as athletic as Tremaine too. Roquan has the second most total defensive stops last year as well, second only to Leighton Vander Esch (keep in mind the level of competition Roquan went up against compared to LVE as well).
Roquan’s biggest weakness is shedding blocks, but it’s not like we’re going to be asking him to go downhill every play unless it’s on an underneath route. Undersized is another big knock on Roquan, and truly I get it. Everyone wants their players to be big and athletic, especially the linebackers, but in actuality Roquan doesn’t need to be bigger. He’s so quick that he’s going to beat other players in the backfield anyways. For us Roquan Smith can be what Deion Jones is for the Falcons. Lastly I’d like to say that you can make a legitimate cast for why Roquan isn’t just the best LB in the draft, but the best LB in the off-season. If you combine the available free agents in the offseason, but also the draft, Roquan is arguably the best (given the situation) than all of them… Which makes this even more of a great pick in an area of need.
James Daniels – OL – Iowa
I could sit here and tell you all the things you’ve heard a million times, but there are other things I want to focus so I will only touch on them briefly. He’s super athletic for the position, able to out-quick most lineman and use his lateral agility to beat linebackers to the spot. He also has room to grow and add muscle to his frame. He is technically proficient like most Iowa Linemen.
Now, I want to talk about a couple of things that I really noticed as someone who has experience working with offensive lineman at various levels of football. The first and most important thing is he an incredibly knack for adjusting his blocks when and where. When I say “when and where” is that he knows not only where to adjust his blocks in the run game and pass pro, but WHEN to adjust. When to come off a double team, when to adjust his initial block to an emergency block to be most effective, when to assist on a penetrating defensive lineman while pulling on OZ. Most smart offensive lineman can get the “Where” part during college but to come out of Iowa already having the penchant to get down his “when AND where” shows that he is a very, VERY intelligent football player and will be able to adjust to the pro’s very well. The second thing that really stood out to me is his fluidity. He showed very good footwork in the tape that I watched (mostly Penn State and Ohio State) and showed the ability to do the two hardest things for a center. Reach Block 3 techniques and back-gate 3 techniques away from the play. Having to deal with the 3 techs instead of the Guard is probably the biggest SOB for a Center and it’s something he not only does, but does well. In my Opinion he would fit best for the Bears as a Center with Whitehair moving over to Guard. Daniels is much more of a Natural Center, has more experience snapping, and is quicker than Whitehair so he can reach the 3 techniques. I also think Whitehair is a better Guard than Center standalone, irrespective on the Daniels pick. Daniels could have easily been the first center off the Board in the entire draft. Picking him up in round 2 could end up being one of the biggest steals of the entire draft. He has the potential to play center for the Bears for the next 12 years, at least half of them at a pro-bowl level.
Anthony Miller — Memphis — WR
Do we really need to defend this pick? In a very shaky WR class, one thing that has been universally agreed upon is Anthony Miller’s ability and rise in the draft boards. Anthony Miller has went from a sleeper pick early in the college football season, to “could be the best WR in the draft”.
For 3 straight years, Anthony Miller consistently looked like the best player on the field. With a 39.9% dominator rating and consecutive seasons with 1,400+ yards there is no way you can argue his production. Anthony Miller is as versatile as it gets. He’ll most likely play in the slot for the majority of his early career, but he has potential to play outside as well. Miller didn’t really perform much at the combine because of his injury. He only did 22 reps on the bench press, which is pretty good for a wide receiver. At his pro day he recorded a 39” vertical. His 40 yard dash was 4.46 and 4.52.
Anthony Miller has been compared to what seems like every NFL WR. I’ve heard “poor man’s” Odell Beckham, Antonio Brown, Victor Cruz, and then all the way down to Kendall Wright. If Anthony Miller has this much of a disparity in pro player comp, it’s often best not to even give him a player comparison. Instead of doing what we usually do, which is projecting his abilities and career to that of another current or past NFL WR… It’s best just to project what his statistical performance will be. With that being said, I can see him starting out with a 600 yard 7 TD rookie year, and then trend upwards. If I’m being forced to compare him to an NFL player and his current career, I’d go with a more physical Sterling Shepard with a slightly larger catch radius. If there’s anything I have to defend about this pick, it’s the trade, which is insanely easy to do. We traded pick 105 and a 2019 2nd Rounder for Anthony Miller, which is a great trade in my opinion. With how successful our offseason has been and how young the Bears have gotten, there’s no glaring positions we need to address in 2019 other than cornerback (which we can do in the first) and maybe Right Tackle (this depends on if Kyle Long makes a move to RT). Unlike this offseason where we lost Josh Sitton, Cam Meredith, Jerrell Freeman, Pernell McPhee, Mitch Unrein, and Dontrelle Inman… We aren’t set to lose any big free agents. The only real notable free agents we have in 2019 is Bobby Massie, Adrian Amos, Eddie Goldman, and Kevin White. I believe Amos will ball out this year, so I have confidence in us resigning him to a nice deal, same with Goldman. As of now, I only believe we’ll be dropping Massie and of course Kevin White, which aren’t much of a loss. Losing our 2019 2nd round pick won’t hurt us that much.
JoeI Iyiegbuniwe — Western Kentucky — ILB
He is a home-grown player that grew up in Bolingbrook, Illinois, but was born in Chicago. Being a native of the Chicago land area, the Bears where able to snag him. Joel put up solid much while playing a Western Kentucky University. The questions really don’t arise from his playmaking ability but more from his size. On the outside he looks to be lacking the weight that one would be looking for, when you play on the outside. The weight is the biggest thing in question, Floyd is about 20 pounds heavier then him with about 5 more inches. The last thing to compare is the explosiveness between Joel and Floyd. Joel’s vertical and broad jump where on the lower end of the spectrum, leading me to believe that we will never see the elite explosion out of him.
When looking at Player Profile, his best Comparable is Mark Barron. I believe that is very generous for a player that is coming out of Conference USA. Looking at the past combines, Mark came into the combine classified as a DB, while Joel comes in as a linebacker. On paper they seem to be a good match but if you watch the film on these 2, they are far apart. Hence the reason why one was drafted in the early 1st round while the other was pick late in the 4th. Poking around the internet, it was stated that Iggy could bring the skillset that Smith has currently. Even though Smith’s ceiling is the sky, just putting those two in the same sentence could make any fan happy. On the flip side of that, the Bears could be doubling down for some crazy reason that Smith got hurt or just doesn’t live up to his full potential. When his number is called he will be there to make plays. In 2016 game vs Alabama, Joel was the leading tackle (with 10 tackles) but also 1 sack. Granted he was on the field a lot but he showed up and created some havoc. Honestly, this pick was kind of a head scratcher among Bears fans? Where are we going to attempt to play him or where could he fit?
I think that answer lies more in what could hit ceiling be, but what is hit floor. At worst I believe that he would play a backup role, and at best he could be a descent/lower end starter. He’s good at somethings (like football IQ, mobility, ability to read the play, and leadership). These are all things that the Bears are in dire need of. The biggest thing that I would like to touch on is the leadership. Now leadership usually (more times then not) comes from your best player, well this isn’t the case here. After watching film on him, the man just doesn’t turn his motor off. That is something that you want in the locker room always. Iggy will bring those things to the table despite being a starter. I envision him as a special team’s player that will fully could work himself up the ranks. Iggy needs to get better at a lot of things... like bulk up. The desire will always be there with him mobbing forward, if not he has a solid fall back plan… His fall back plan consists of him being a Pre-Med major…. Not to shabby for a ST player, backup linebacker, and a player that bring a lot of leadership traits to the table.
Bilal Nichols – DL – Delaware
This kid can move. And I’m not talking about his 40 because who really cares about 40 times for Interior Defensive Lineman. He is a way above average athlete at his height and weight and he has a good first step in the limited tape I saw of him (not a whole lot out there). He was incorrectly placed as a 0 tech in Delaware’s 3 man front this past season but in the game against Virginia Tech he was used primarily on what looked like being a QB spy. If you are using a Nose Tackle to spy the QB the NT has to be pretty dang athletic. His hand fighting is above average and I’m sure Akiem Hicks could teach him a thing or two. He could stand to add a little more bulk to his lower body to help deal with double teams but this is a guy who could be a sub package superstar. On passing downs he can come on the field and line up somewhere between the 2i and 4 and just be a huge pain in the ass for most of the Guards in the league. Think a poor-mans Geno Atkins. He could sneakily end the year with around 5 sacks just off of opportunity. He is going to get a lot of 1-on-1 opportunities in the some of Vic Fangio’s Nickel and Dime packages. Hicks, Floyd, Lynch and Nichols could be a frequent passing down group. Hicks is going to get doubled, Floyd and/or Lynch will get chipped. Watch out NFC North, don’t overlook this Blue Hen.
Kylie Fitts — Edge —Utah
Why Edge Rusher? Many analyst and Bears fans alike agreed that pass rusher was the biggest need after Chicago’s A+ free agency. Pace and Co. cut Willie Young and Pernell McPhee while not resigning Lamarr Houston. Pass rusher on the roster include Leonard Floyd, Aaron Lynch, Sam Acho, and Isaiah Irving.
Why Kylie Fitts? Kylie Fitts out of the University of Utah may not have been a household name for casual draft followers or even draftniks. Fitts has dealt with injuries the throughout his time at Utah, Lisfranc injury, ankle and shoulder sprains. However, when Fitts was healthy he was a dominant player and integral part of Utah’s defense.
In 2015, Fitts had 40 tackles, 7 sacks, 7 TFLs and 10 passes defended. In the subsequent two years Fitts battled injuries that kept him off the field. Fitts has the size and physician traits you look for in a 3-4 OLB with combine numbers nearly identical to Landry’s and sometimes better (who was taken in the second). Fitts uses his hands, to keep tackles off of his body, and speed, beating tackles around the edge, exceptionally. Fitts has a top notch motor that is routinely shown when he makes plays on the opposite side of the formation.
The biggest questions for him in the NFL is if he can stay healthy and on the field. If he can, with NFL coaching, he should be the next Pace late round steal.
Javon Wims — WR — Georgia
Why Wide Receiver? Sure we drafted Anthony Miller in the second round, signed Allen Robinson and Taylor Gabriel but our WR depth has been terrible in the past. You can never have too many weapons for your QB.
Why Javon Wims? Personally i was surprised Wims was still on the board at this point of the draft. He has ideal size for an X at about 6’3” and 215 pounds. His athletic traits are exactly what you look for at his position. The only physical attribute making you want more is his hand size which is a tad small.
Javon Wims showed up when you watch his tape. Georgia has a run heavy team (why wouldn’t you be when you have Nick Chubb and Sony Michel) but Wims still managed to stick out. Wims constantly went up and made big plays on balls when Georgia needed him to and his biggest strength is his jump ball ability.
To make it in the NFL and the Bears, Wims needs to refine his route running technique. Wims also needs to be a willing and able special teamer to stick as the 5th or 6th WR this year. If he can continue to develop I think he can be a pretty darn good receiver for the Bears for the next 4 years.
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