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2020.07.07 19:41 youto2 Cam spy locker room guys

Paisner: This is the real overkill, Mark. Just finish this already, this is pathetic.
Woodbridge: This is a huge win for team Coup, Allen. They could be easily leaving the Hoosier state with the tag team titles and a world title opportunity!
Austin positions himself to drop Smith with the Balandriver… but he can't. He tries again to lift Smith, but nothing happens. On the outside, Raven figures out what's going on: Dan Smith is hanging on for dear life with his legs wrapped around the top rope. They quickly get back on the canvas to try and untangle the situation.
Ivan sees them getting up and tries to stop them, but while the ref moves to where they're standing, Raven gets accidentally kicked in the face by the flailing Smith and falls off the canvas.
Austin hears the noise and turns towards what's happened. With this distraction, Dan sneaks out of the Fireman's Carry, lands on his own two feet, and catches the distracted Balandran with a jumping neckbreaker, spiking him on the canvas.
Crowd: OHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Paisner: SMOOTH SAILING! SMOOTH SAILING! Dan Smith won his debut with this move! Head: spiked!
Woodbridge: He's got it!
Dan Smith hooks both legs and Ivan Itchicock makes the count.
1!
2!
3!
Balandran violently kicks out, but it's too late.
DING DING DING
Crowd: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!
Paisner: Oh my Lord!!! I told you, Mark! I told you!
U MAD starts playing while Dan quickly scurries back up, still in disbelief. Raven's still down on the other side of the ring, blood pouring out of one of their nostrils.
Javier: The winner of the match, at a time of 12:56, The Stormin' Mormon, DAAAAN!!! SMITH!!!
Woodbridge: I don't believe it, you were right all along, the guy who debuted last week has won, despite the odds, and he's got a chance at the World Championship!!!
The ref raises Smith's hand, and he immediately exits the ring, jumping over the barriers to celebrate with the crowd. Austin is still stunned and as he slowly reacts to what's happened, he stares in Raven's direction.
Paisner: Van Loupe shouldn’t have gotten involved, and their stable leader pays the price!
Raven crawls to their feet and rolls into the ring to console their leader, but Balandran turns his shoulder to Van Loupe.
Van Loupe: Hey are you alright, bu-
One surprisingly loud dude in the crowd: NOOOOOOO!
Balandran spins around and SMASHES Van Loupe to the mat with a spinning lariat!
Crowd: OHHHHHH!
Woodbridge: OH MY GOD!
Paisner: PRELUDE!
Balandran: I DRAG YOU UP FROM THE DREGS! I GIVE YOU PURPOSE! AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME?
Van Loupe slowly begins to drag themselves to the ropes, looking confused and scared towards Balandran.
A neat little piano riff plays And Mercenaire and Marshall Wheeler come through the curtain!
Paisner: Here comes the Coup d’Etat!
Mercenaire and Wheeler rush in to a loud but mixed reaction, with some cheering thinking they might be switching sides!
Woodbridge: BUT WHOSE SIDE ARE THEY ON????
Mercenaire and Wheeler slide into the ring simultaneously and take a look at Balandran, before Wheeler crumples Van Loupe with a sickening Punt!
Crowd: OHHHHH!
Woodbridge: Oh so Balandrans side then..
Van Loupe collapses onto their back, before Mercenaire starts to climb up to the top rope.
Paisner: Mercenaire looking to put the exclamation mark on this expulsion from this revolutionary force with an Atterrisage Lunaire!
Mercenaire positions himself, and just before he takes off…
PA: THEY HELD ME DOWN SO LONG
Crowd: YAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!
Woodbridge: Solidarity forever!
Paisner: It’s Romero! No Love lost between him and Balandran!
Stephen Romero sprints out from the back, Mercenaire sees this and quickly adjusts his trajectory to flip outside the ring, but Romero catches him horizontal to the floor and SLAMS him down with a gutwrench suplex!
Balandran: Get him!
Romero jumps into the ring and Wheeler charges him, but Romero catches him with a spear!
Paisner: Romero coming in like a house of fire!
Wheeler rolls out of the ring, Romero stares down Balandran, and charges! But Balandran ducks a clothesline and rolls out of the ring to regroup with his stable on the outside.
Paisner: Romero sent ‘em packin’!
Romero goes over to check on RVL, who is slowly coming to, as we cut to the back
We cut backstage, where we find Chad Hammocks putting his ear to a wall, eavesdropping on a conversation happening on the other side of an unassuming room backstage.
Hammocks: Pssst! whispers They're here, I just opened the door a little bit!
Cameraman Chuck moves to the doorway, and through the narrow space of the door left slightly ajar, we're able to see the shapes of three men: a thin man talking to a huge one, while a childish pseudoanthropomorphic figure just runs around waiting for them to finish.
Hammocks: still whispering Yup, it's them. It might not be one of Allen's Illuminati meetings, but it's still content.
Chuck focuses the camera some more, and indeed they are: Hugo Ironblood, Cam'ron West and the Independent Champion, Santiago Martínez. Also present in the room: Sam.
Martínez: Here's the thing: I wanted to talk to you guys in private 'cause this needs to stay that way, and the last thing I want is to find Chad and Chuck spying on us just to film one of those corny-ass Impact style segments nobody likes.
Hammocks: still whispering Dammit!
Martínez: Today's a huge day for me and you know it. And I'd be an asshole if I said it's a huge day for us. I know you took a huge L getting snubbed from this show, but trust me: if we stick together and focus on what's ahead of us, a team as talented as you guys are will never miss another major show.
Ironblood: HELL YEAH! That's what I wanted to hear! By next month, everyone will be talking about us! But we still don't have a name, though…
Martínez: We'll come up with one soon, no worries. Choosing our team name is a decision that can't be taken lightly, you know! Cam'ron-chan!
Cam'ron stops running for a while.
Martínez: Stop running for a while. What do you think of this?
Cam'ron: The name thing or the Chuck and Chad spying us thing?
Ironblood: THE NAME!
Cam'ron: I like names, they're great! But if we want to choose the best name, we need the approval of everyone in our team!
Martínez: Hmmm, we could do that. Let's say we come up with a few names, we make a shortlist and all that, and then we vote for the best one!
Ironblood: YES! That's a great idea for next month! Ooohhh man! We're gonna kick some ass!!!
Martínez: Don't even doubt it for a second, Hugo. This month we were just getting started, but for next month, we're gonna get a ton of extra gold! But this month ain't over yet…
Ironblood: I see…
Martínez: And we can't be thinking of all that until we deal with today's match. When I say "We", I'm pretty sure you and Cam'ron already know what I mean…
Ironblood: Indeed we do…
Cam'ron nods in agreement.
Martínez: Lovely. So when you go back to the locker room, I want yo-
Ironblood: Wait, not really.
Martínez: What?
Ironblood: Uhhh, I was just trying to sound cool and mysterious, I don't know what you meant! And Cam'ron probably doesn't know either!
Cam'ron: I know very well! It was about Milkman-sama and Baker-san!
Martínez: No! No, Cam'ron-chan! That was my joke about how The Horde lacked any credibility due to their lack of Mongol hats!
Ironblood: Oh, then what were you talking about?
Martínez: Alright, here's the thing. I don't have a damn clue how things will play out during my match. I don't know anything about Ayane Nobunaga or what's her deal, but I'm pretty sure that if GiGi shows up during my match, she'll be up to no good. So, I need you guys as my eyes and ears out there. Focus on what's happening, don't get distracted, Cam'ron!
Cam'ron is already distracted, watching Sam while he's trying to solve a Rubik's cube.
Cam'ron: Oh, sorry! It’s just that this is so cool!
Ironblood: No problem, WE CAN TAKE CARE OF ALL THAT! But what about Kait, though?
Martínez: What about her? You don't think I can defeat her?
Ironblood: I know you can, but you can't let her get in your head like she did with that promo!
Martínez: She did not get in my head! This is a NO FREE CLOUT zone, Hugo. This isn't a feud about vidya games, OK? I'm not going to waste my time talking about a lousy take on a good looking game with a headass story and a really stupid companion AI that's clearly a 7 and not a 10, OK?
Ironblood: Uhh, OK?
Martínez: And I'm not going to do that in an inferior platform such as Instagram fucking Live! Let her be: let her waste her time there, Hugo, let her stay there with the Hindutvas, the QAnoners, and Lord forbid me for bringing these motherfuckers up: the Apex highlight streamers.
Ironblood: Uhh, I use Instagram Live sometimes...
Martínez: This is not about games, or scores, or observations of the legendary film A Twelvefold of Big Mad Motherfuckers. This is about the WiR Independent Championship, and trust me, tonight, Kaitlyn Casey Jones doesn't stand a chance! Now let's get the hell out of here!
Hammocks: not whispering as much Chuck! Run!
Ironblood: Hey, what was that?
The scene fades to black and we cut to a pan of the crowd, then back down to the ring.
Ring crew finish up their final preparations for this match as we cut to Javier standing in the ring, flanked by Harry Undersach, microphone in hand.
Javier: The following contest is a LAST MAN STANDING MATCH. To win, you must incapacitate your opponent for a 10 count! Your official for this contest is Harry Undersach!
Crowd: HAIRY HARRY! clap clap clapclapclap
Paisner: He is growing a little bit of a beard, but - I don’t know if that’s nice.
Harry rubs his chin, seemingly a little embarrassed, but Javier soldiers on.
Javier: Introducing first, from Woodstock, Ontario, Canada - He weighed in tonight at 232 pounds - JOEY MCCARTY!
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Joey’s theme plays as Joey strolls out from backstage, seemingly as calm as can be.
Paisner: Joey seems unusually collected coming into this match, Mark!
Woodbridge: I don’t think he’s taken any of this too seriously to this point, Allen - and I doubt he takes the Milkman very seriously either!
Joey does seem rather lackadaisical as he steps up the steps, wipes off his feet, and reclines in the corner, looking at the ramp as his music fades out. Javier steps forward, ready to continue.
Javier: And his opponent, from Brooklyn, New York - He weighed in tonight at 182 pounds - TONY “THE MILKMAN” STEEEEEEEEEVENS!
Crowd: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
The crowd might expect “Enter Milkman,” but they are sadly disappointed.
Woodbridge: Um, why did Tony change his theme anyway?
Paisner: I - he called me in a panic, saying he couldn’t afford the song.
Woodbridge: But don’t we -
Paisner: Hey, it wasn’t my decision.
They are not, however, disappointed with the milkman himself, who bursts out from behind the curtain in a dapper pair of suspenders, with a pair of milk maids right behind him. They’re carrying a six pack of milk bottles in traditional metal bottles, which Tony grabs one of before stepping into the ring. The milkmaids set the rest of the bottles at ringside, before politely taking their leave.
Woodbridge: Aww, i was hoping they would -
Paisner: I’m sure you were, Mark.
In the ring, though, Tony stares Joey down coldly, before bringing the milk to his lips and chugging it, never breaking eye contact with his opponent. Joey seems entirely nonplussed, rolling his eyes and motioning for Undersach to call for the bell. Tony finishes his chug, and tosses the milk bottle to the outside, where it rolls to a stop on one of the mats. Undersach pats the two wrestlers down quickly, before calling for the bell.
DING DING DING
Paisner: And we’re off - Joey doesn’t at all seem afraid of Tony’s fire, though perhaps he should be.
Woodbridge: I’m not sure this wasn’t all some twisted sort of a game to Joey - pushing the buttons of the rookie. He might not even understand how worked up Tony really is yet!
Stevens starts off hot, charging Joey with a series of surprisingly stiff forearms! Joey staggers back, but comes at Stevens with a head of steam – only to be caught with a rolling solebutt from Stevens! Joey hits the mat hard, but immediately rolls up to a sitting position! Stevens is prepared for this, and fires off a roundhouse kick at Joey’s head, but Joey catches it and levels Stevens with a uppercut right to the dick!
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Paisner: Stevens starts off hot with some brawling, but Joey’s allowed to fight dirty in this match, and let’s be honest that’s his greatest strength!
Woodbridge: Stevens has shown resilience so far in his WiR career, but he’ll need every bit of it.
Stevens collapses to the mat, holding his crotch, and Joey gets up with a cocky smirk, motioning at Undersach to start his count!
1!
2!
Paisner: There’s no way Joey steals a victory this early, right?
3!
4!
Stevens pulls himself over to the ropes, and Undersach gets to about 6.5 before Stevens gets to his hands and knees using the ropes! He’s obviously still in pain, but that’s good enough for Undersach to stop the count. Joey doesn’t give his opponent a second to breathe, though, instead getting a running start and leaping into Stevens’ back, driving Stevens’ throat into the ropes!
Crowd: BOOOOOOOO!*
Woodbridge: Ooh, what a disgusting move from Joey – crushing the windpipe of Stevens is going to make it a lot harder for him to stay up in the later stages of this match!
Joey pulls back on the top rope, levering his knee further into the choke, as Stevens desperately attempts to struggle free! Undersach tries to reprimand Joey into breaking the hold, but he’s got no ability to enforce here, so Joey just continues on choking his opponent!
Crowd: LET’S GO TONY! clap clap clapclapclap
Tony grits his teeth in pain, but grabs the middle rope with both hands, pulling his throat away from the bottom rope and giving him just enough room to slide free from Joey’s boot! Joey tries to follow up with a strike, but Tony immediately rolls out of the ring, getting away from his opponent!
Paisner: A nice usage of the ropes there by Tony, managing to get free from that chokehold - now he’s got to catch his breath and find a way to take the fight to Joey!
Woodbridge: Stevens is tough, obviously, but he’s down 40 pounds on Joey and he’s got to find a way to overcome that!
On the outside, Tony falls to one knee, and Joey rolls out to follow him, only to be caught with a rising forearm to the jaw! Tony realizes he’s on the back foot, and lays into Joey with a series of elbows, punctuated with a knee to the gut! Joey doubles over, and Tony pulls him down into a sick DDT onto the mats!
Crowd: OOOOH!
Paisner: What a DDT from Tony!
Undersach immediately starts the count, but Joey’s back to his hands and knees before we reach 4, and up very shortly after it. Tony lets Joey up almost to a standing position, then charges forward, leaping into the air for a knee strike to the skull!
Paisner: And a leaping knee -
Joey’s aware of this one, though, and heaves Tony into the air, before bringing him down spine-first onto the apron with perhaps the sloppiest spinebuster ever seen in professional wrestling history!
Woodbridge: No! God, I sure hope the milkman has strong bones after that one!
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOO!
Joey’s found another target, and right as Tony rolls off the apron to the mats below, Joey presses a knee into Tony’s spine and just starts laying into him with right hands! Punch after punch rain down on the milkman!
Paisner: God, what a series of punches from Joey! This milkman has been a thorn in his side for weeks now, and this looks to be his form of catharsis!
Tony slumps, seemingly unconscious, and Joey lays a few more punches into the back of the head in for good measure, before raising up and raising his arms like he just won a title bout! Undersach starts the count, and the crowd rains down boos on the celebrating McCarty!
Woodbridge: Joey’s celebrating like he’s already won this thing, Allen!
Paisner: I mean, did you see those punches, Mark? We’re at a six count, and Tony hasn’t even moved!
Crowd: FUCK YOU, JOEY!/MILKMAN RULES!
7!
8!
Joey’s back is turned to his opponent, and so he doesn’t see Tony beginning to push himself up at the 8 count!
9!
Tony, with a huge effort, shoves himself to a vertical position at 9.5, and Joey turns around, expecting the 10 count, but instead getting a defiant milkman!
Crowd: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! FUCK HIM UP, MILKMAN, FUCK HIM UP! clap clap
Tony looks to do just that, taking a couple unsteady steps forward and firing off a stiff low kick, but Joey takes it on the shin! Joey fires back with an overhand right, and Tony staggers backward, only for Joey to grab his arm and hammer throw him right into the ringpost!
Crowd: OHHHHHHHHHH!/BOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Tony slumps against the ringpost after making full-body contact with it, but doesn’t quite go down! Joey sees an opportunity, though, and takes a couple steps back, before leaping into the air with a superman punch! Midair, though, Joey realizes his mistake as Tony finally falls to the mat, and Joey just eats it on the ringpost!
Crowd: OHHHHHHHHH!
Paisner: Joey with a huge mistake there, going for the final blow just a bit too early - or too late, maybe.
Woodbridge: Either way works, Allen - If Joey had immediately gone for the punch, this match might be over - if he had waited he’d be at a huge advantage.
With both men seemingly out of it, Undersach starts another count!
1!
2!
3!
4!
Tony slowly begins to stir, while Joey is clutching his head in pain!
Crowd: LET’S GO TONY! clap clap clapclapcalp
5!
Tony’s up to his hands and knees, and Joey realizes this by the cheers and starts to fight his way up as well. The two get to kneeling at about the same time, and Joey fires off a quick punch to the mouth of Stevens! The milkman is rocked, but doesn’t go down, and fires back with a forearm! Joey’s not staggered at all, but Tony seems to have expected this, and the two push themselves to vertical, and start laying strikes into the other man’s head!
Crowd: YAY! BOO! YAY! BOO! YAYBOOYAYBOOYAYBOO! indecipherable noise
Woodbridge: This is turning into a goddamn street fight!
Paisner: Tony’s showing some spirit here going blow for blow with Joey!
Joey seems shocked for a moment at the sheer fire coming from Tony’s strikes, and eats a vicious forearm strike that sends him staggering back.
Crowd: YAAAAAAAAAAAY!
He puts his hand up, seemingly calling time, but Tony just charges forward with another forearm! Joey rocks backwards, then drops to one knee!
Crowd: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
Paisner: I don’t think Joey was expecting this level of intensity from Stevens here today!
Woodbridge: You might underestimate a milkman, but you shouldn’t underestimate a working man trying to protect the people he cares about!
Joey’s not quite finished yet, however, as he gets over his shock and grabs Tony by the tights, pulling him forward and laying into him with hockey enforcer punches!
Crowd: BOOOOOO! BOOOOOO! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Tony covers up to mitigate the impact, and Joey takes advantage, hooking Tony up and dropping him with a backbreaker!
Paisner: Joey with a nice backbreaker off the flurry of punches - perhaps the most technical we’ll see him in this match!
Woodbridge: That’s not fair - Joey’s been picking a couple targets and focusing in on them. Sure, he lacks finesse, but he’s definitely got his strategy down.
Tony rolls onto his stomach, clutching his back, and Joey immediately transitions to the legs, crossing them over and rotating into a sharpshooter!
Crowd: OHHHHHHHHHHH!
Woodbridge: See?
Tony howls in pain, reaching out for something to grab, but there’s no way to break this hold! Joey squats, leaning back and bending his opponent nearly in half! Tony claws himself along the mat, looking for some way to break the hold, but it doesn’t seem to be possible!
Paisner: Joey’s just looking to break Stevens’ spine here!
Crowd: LET’S GO TONY! clap clap clapclapclap
Joey’s looking smug as he wrenches in the hold, seemingly looking to inflict serious injury on his opponent, when suddenly Tony’s flailing hand closes on something! He swings it back, connecting with Joey’s head, and Joey collapses to the mat! Tony manages to roll free from the submission hold, but his back is obviously damaged!
1!
Joey is holding his head after the milk bottle shot, but he’s not out, and he starts to pull himself to the apron!
2!
3!
4!
Joey brings himself up to his knees using the apron as a support, and then stands up, looking down at Tony!
5!
6!
7!
8!
Tony still has barely moved, but he’s got the bottle in his hand, and in one fluid motion, he brings it to his lips!
Paisner: I.. There’s no way!
Crowd: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
9!
The delicious, life-giving, bone-healing liquid revitalizes Tony, and he pushes himself up defiantly yet again at 9.5!
Woodbridge: MILKAMANIA RUNNING WILD!
Crowd: MR. SKELTAL! clap clap clapclapclap
Joey’s absolutely stunned at the man in front of him, and is even more stunned when Tony clocks him in the skull with yet another milk bottle shot! Joey hits the mat hard, clutching his head, but Tony isn’t done yet! He pulls himself up onto the apron, grabbing the ropes, and flips backward off the apron with a moonsault to Joey’s prone body!
Paisner: MILKSAULT! TONY WITH THE MILKSAULT!
Woodbridge: And Joey’s feeling every ounce of that milk right now!
Crowd: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
Joey’s completely out of it, but so is Tony, clutching his back in absolute agony!
1!
2!
3!
Paisner: This right here could decide the match, Mark - Whoever gets up here could be the winner, and either way they’ll have a huge advantage!
Woodbridge: I’m not sure either of them will have the strength to get up at this point, Allen - Joey just took a couple hard shots with that metal milk bottle, and I’m not sure Tony didn’t seriously injure his back with that moonsault!
6!
7!
Crowd: LET’S GO TONY! clap clap clapclapclap
Despite their cheering, it’s Joey who manages to roll over first, pushing himself up to hands and knees right at the cusp of the 8 count!
8!
Joey’s up to one knee, but Tony isn’t far behind, clutching his back but sitting up! Undersach stops the count upon being satisfied both men are on their way back up.
Paisner: These two are something else, Mark! There’s nothing on the line in this match - these two just hate each other to the point that they won’t give up!
Woodbridge: It’s the purest form of wrestling, Allen - pure spite.
Joey’s got a moment to think, and he uses it wisely, charging into Tony shoulder-first and driving his spine into the apron! Tony hits hard, and howls in pain, clutching his back! Joey shoves Tony into the ring, and rolls in as well, getting to his feet quickly and measuring his opponent! Tony’s slow to get up, and Harry goes to start the count, but Joey waves him off, instead motioning Tony to stand up!
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOO!/LET”S GO TONY! clap clap clapclapclap
Paisner: Joey’s not taking any chances with this one - he’s looking to finish off Tony for good here!
Woodbridge: With all the punishment Tony’s taken so far this match, a good old fashioned Superman punch to the back of the neck would probably finish it off!
Tony slowly gets up to his hands and knees, obviously dazed, then gets up to one knee! Joey starts his sprint, and leaps into the air, cocking his fist back in anticipation!
Paisner: Joey with the Bertuzzi -
Out of nowhere, Tony whips around, hooks Joey up, and shoots him out of the ring with a belly-to-belly!
Crowd: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
Paisner: OH MY GOD! WHAT A BELLY TO BELLY FROM TONY STEVENS!
Joey lands hard on the mat, and Tony slumps to the ground, clutching his back and leaning on the ropes to keep himself in a seated position! Undersach starts the count!
Woodbridge: I don’t know if Joey’s alive after that fall - let alone able to answer a 10 count!
1!
2!
3!
4!
5!
6!
7!
8!
9!
10!
DING DING DING
Javier: AND YOUR WINNER, AT A TIME OF 18:38.... TONY “THE MILKMAN” STEEEEEEEVENS!
Crowd: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
Tony’s cheap theme hits the arena to the relief of the audience, and he slowly pulls himself up, still obviously having spinal issues! He staggers over to Undersach, who raises his hand, before rolling out of the ring to get a celebratory glass of milk!
Paisner: I - I’ll be honest I didn’t think the kid had it in him!
Woodbridge: Joey McCarty came out here, maybe not expecting the fire that Tony Stevens had after Joey’s attacks on his significant other, and he paid the price.
Paisner: ...that said, I don’t like that none of Joey’s revolutionary buddies came out here to help him tonight.
Joey, meanwhile, has barely moved throughout this entire debacle, and continues to barely move while a newly milk-mustachioed Tony Stevens high-fives audience members and celebrates his way to the back. Only a few moments later does McCarty finally stir, clutching his neck and head in absolute agony, and pull himself up before going to the back. The crew cleans up and Javier Babaganoush comes out to announce again.
Babaganoush: The following contest is scheduled for ONE FALL with a 60-minute time limit! Refereeing is Tai Ni Wong! Introducing first…
Stupid boy think that I need him... - GiGi bursts out from behind the curtain in full-on Menace cosplay over a more modest ring outfit - with Kaitlyn following behind her - breaking out into a high-speed skip as she takes the time to individually greet every one of her fans in the front row. The crowd is divided.
Crowd: YAAAAAY GIGI WE LOVE YOU! / BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Paisner: Woodbridge, what - what show is her outfit from?
Woodbridge: Don’t ask questions you don’t want answered, Allen. At least Kait didn’t feel the need to have a matching outfit… this time.
Paisner: Well. Well then. Listen, do you think she’s going to be serious enough this match to take out Stephen Romero? You know what that guy can absorb and live through.
Woodbridge: In her mind Romero has fucked with her bread and butter. I think she’s plenty motivated. And KCJ is… well… if it happens, she’s a damn sight more of a match for the Sactown beast.
Babaganoush: ...from Montreal, Quebec, Canada, weighing in at 120 pounds, accompanied to the ring by Kaitlyn Casey Jones and sponsored tonight by… by… am I reading this right? Fantasticocks Handcrafted Sex Toys… GIGI!
Crowd: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! / BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Babaganoush: And her opponent…
“Animal” strikes up and Stephen Romero marches to the ring brimming with will to fight. Half his face is painted in rainbow flag colors but more than that, his entire massive body is wrapped in a big bi pride flag! It billows behind him like a cape as he grins and stomps his way down and heads up the steps.
Crowd: YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! ROMERO! ROMERO! ROMERO!
Paisner: And there is the man of the hour. Romero showing his pride as he steps over the top rope.
Woodbridge: It looks like he has all the confidence in the world tonight, as he aims to show everyone that large black men can also be hot and sexy e-tho--
Paisner: I’m not sure that’s EXACTLY what his message is, but sure!
Babaganoush: - From Sacramento, CA, weighing in at 320 pounds - STEPHEN! ROMERO!
Crowd: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
KCJ hangs back ominously on the outside, Romero stretches, GiGi smirks, and Wong checks them both over, then calls for the bell.
DING DING DING!
The two circle, and the sheer vastness of their nigh-on foot-and-a-half size difference is apparent once they close in with one another. Merely going in for collar-and-elbow would be relatively difficult for both combatants, so they seem to settle on striking right away - GiGi fires vigorous chops to Romero’s midsection while Romero comes down on her equally hard with overhead chops to the top of her head.
Crowd: WOOOOO! WOOOOO! WOOOOO!
Woodbridge: GiGi playing it smart here - the thing about a chop battle is you ain’t gotta be big to win. I once had my ass kicked in a chop battle by Petey “Short Round” Svenson, and he was legally a dwarf.
Paisner: And more so than that, these two both have a lot of frustrations with each other to get out in this moment.
Romero finally hits one that stuns GiGi, but not before he’s been driven back!
Crowd: YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Paisner: I’m surprised GiGi can push Romero around to this level!
Woodbridge: I ain’t. She was putting her whole torso into those chops and she’s at the right height to work over his breadbasket. Trying to stand firm would cost Romero a lotta wind.
Romero heaves up the staggered GiGi into a fireman’s carry, looking for Moss-Covered Three-Handled Family Gredenza, but GiGi has already recovered and counters by leaping off his shoulders and landing on her feet and one hand. From this three-point-ish stance she launches herself at Romero’s legs for a takedown, which he brushes aside, but in the process runs backwards briskly into the ropes - and Kait runs towards the edge of the ring at the same time that GiGi leaps up and charges for the ropes - GiGi hits a springboard hurricanrana at the same time that Kait yanks on Romero’s ankles! The force makes him faceplant at a high angle!
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Woodbridge: Hell of a flying rana, one of those rebounding jawns, but it looks like KCJ did something there…?
Paisner: Hard to see from where we’re sitting, but it looks like Wong didn’t notice - after all, GiGi DID take Romero down… she just had outside help.
GiGi makes an effort to roll Romero onto his back, but that proves hardly possible, especially since he’s still got enough energy to resist - she settles for sitting between his shoulders and attempting to bend his arm back. She pulls on the half-barred arm, clinging like a limpet as Romero gets his feet underneath him and tries to shake her off…
Paisner: GiGi adapting on the fly trying ASMR from this position, but Romero won’t be having that…
She scrambles into crucifix position on the standing Romero, stretching both his arms out - Romero leaps backwards and to the mat!
Crowd: YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Paisner: COUNTERING SAMOAN DROP! He’s getting the cover!
Romero turns GiGi over into a leghook press…
1!
NO!
Crowd: AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW…
Paisner: Oh, and only a one-count?
Woodbridge: GiGi with no patience at all.
She kicks out and furiously tries to get a grip on Romero’s same arm once again - Romero stands and pulls his wrist out of her grasp, turns, steps behind GiGi, and puts her arm in a hammerlock! He lifts her right up as she struggles but she’s able to kick backwards into his stomach, forcing him to put her down, and following up with a knee to the gut, making him double over. She jumps onto Romero’s back and works for a hammerlock of her own from a different position, putting on a reverse headscissors for leverage!
Crowd: OHHHHHHH! / BOOOOOOOOOOOOO! / PLEASE DON’T TAP! PLEASE DON’T TAP!
Paisner: Well that’s new.
Woodbridge: Sort of an… inverted… spider… hammerlock?
Paisner: In any case, GiGi’s going to be difficult for Romero to dislodge, especially with his arm in such an awkward position.
Romero, stumbling and grimacing, tries to use his free arm to peel GiGi’s calves from around his neck, but they’re posted too well; shortly afterwards, though, he reels to the ropes and grabs on to force a break, even as GiGi’s bodyweight causes tremendous pain to his other arm.
Crowd: ROMERO! ROMERO! ROMERO!
1!
2!
3!
4!
GiGi slithers off Romero’s back…
Paisner: Romero needing to walk to the ropes and get out of the hold that way, but that was smart of him - Wong is always attentive and quick with his rope break counts.
Woodbridge: Problem with that stretch for GiGi is that it don’t immobilize your opponent except with forcin’ them to carry you. For Romero, carryin’ anyone ain’t gonna be a problem.
Romero rubs his sore arm and winces and leans down against the ropes for another moment to recuperate as GiGi makes a pouty thinking face and loudly asks Wong what exactly the rules for rope breaks are again… Wong, exasperated, turns around and spreads all five fingers and taps the palm of his hand - which is enough time for Kait to spring into action, jumping up on the apron and using gravity and momentum to hit a wheeling inside-out armdrag to Romero, who sails to the floor for an awkward landing! Kait lays into him with chops, but Romero, not even wanting to fight her, gives her a shove back and turns back for the ring - she knees him right in the spine!
Woodbridge: OH JESUS Kait with the stealth!
Paisner: She shouldn’t be laying a hand on him at all - but damn, you see how she used the top rope like a lever to yank him out?
Woodbridge: That’s a 200 IQ play, Big Al.
Crowd: OHHHHHHHHH! / BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Seeing Kait and Romero fighting on the floor, but unable to tell who started the incident, Wong simply begins a countout on Romero…
1…
2…
3…
Romero cries out in pain and surprise from the knee strike and turns around to try to pick Kait up, only to be answered with an uppercut to the jaw - he shakes off the pain to blow Kait away with a hellacious discus clothesline!
Crowd: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Woodbridge: MEAT SPIN!
Paisner: Romero striking true! Felling Kait! But he’s gotta get back in that ring!
4…
5…
6…
Obviously dazed, Kait immediately forces herself to sit up regardless and tries mightily to get to her feet; Romero grabs her legs and lifts her by the hips as he makes one revolution, tossing her backwards with a modified giant swing!
Crowd: YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Woodbridge: OH SHIT! Romero just used that swing as a hammer throw, Kait went sailin’!
Paisner: He’ll be hoping she won’t bother him again, but almost half his time has expired and he’s gotta beat the count while GiGi sits pretty…
7…
8…
9…
As Romero turns, relieved, and moves to reenter the ring, GiGi has hit the ropes - she charges for the outside! TOPE SUICIDA! It’s massively forceful coming from someone GiGi’s size - Romero’s knocked on his ass straight down like he was being pulled to earth by a magnet, and she even manages to slightly overshoot on speed, her momentum sending her right past Romero and crashing her arm-first into the barricade!
Crowd: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Woodbridge and Paisner: HOLY SHIT!
GiGi scrambles up, clutching her arm, and runs back for the ring while Romero rolls around in pain - Wong has reset his count, but Romero is in even WORSE shape than before!
Paisner: You think she’ll take a countout?
Woodbridge: Hell yes she would. GiGi knows her fanbase only cares about one thing in this match… her getting the dub. Don’t matter how.
GiGi takes her sweet time catching her breath in the ring again as Romero takes a deep inhale and crawls for the ring, pulling himself up on the apron and trying to roll in - GiGi is ready with a slingshot double foot stomp to Romero’s chest! She skins-the-cat back in as Kait, unseen by Wong, scampers back towards the ring again and hits Romero with one sneaky running bionic elbow to the skull before retreating to the shadows again like a wounded animal…
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Woodbridge: I have to at least say that rope-assist stomp was graceful...
Paisner: But brutal, and unsporting. And it looks like Romero wasn’t as finished with KCJ tonight as he thought.
Working through the pain, Romero finally rolls back into the ring and starts to get up, but is met with a high kick from GiGi! She follows up with a leap, a roll, and a heel kick!
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Woodbridge: VINE!
Paisner: GiGi’s flying spinning heel kick taking Romero down, and she goes for the cover…
GiGi lays on Romero’s chest, crosses his legs in lieu of hooking them, and pulls out her phone to take a selfie, prompting an “I LOVE YOU GIGI!” from the crowd that’s drowned out by boos.
1!
2!
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2020.04.09 23:36 GenMarriottSuites Spy cam guys locker room

SEASON ONE Episode 1: The Pilot
“We would like to pay for everyone’s headsets.” -Cameron

Episode 2: The Bicycle Thief
“…Still thinking.” -Jay

Episode 3: Come Fly With Me
JAY: You – you wanna just hang out?
PHIL: Brought 6 friends so that just…haha. Let’s…

Episode 4: The Incident
MITCH: It’s my mom.
CAM: Oh yeah, right, ‘cause the last time she was here, the refrigerator magnets rearranged themselves into a pentag – grandma!

Episode 5: Coal Digger
MITCH: No, stop. Don’t do the “double question to prove a point thing.” I hate it when people do that.
CAM: [as Lily] Do you, Mitchell? Do you?
MITCH: Stop—Lily?

Episode 6: Run for Your Wife
MITCH: Yeah, there are days when Lily has more costume changes than Cher.
CAM: Cher! How could I forget Cher? That’s embarrassing.
MITCH: That’s embarrassing?

Episode 7: En Garde
PHIL: And then uh, I guess that leaves Luke.
[They think]
PHIL: …We dropped the ball a little bit on that one.
CLAIRE: Yeah, a little bit.

Episode 8: Great Expectations
“Umm, things I want: robot dog, night vision goggles, bug vacuum, GPS watch, speakers that look like rocks. I love my wife but she sucks at giving gifts. I’m sorry for the pay channel language but --- oh! Yogurt maker! I can’t not think of things I want.” -Phil

Episode 9: Fizbo
CLAIRE: A crafts table! You know, where everybody gathers around and they make stuff and bam! They get their own party favor.
PHIL: [snores] Sorry, I fell asleep while you were describing the most boring party ever.
[Claire hits him]
PHIL: Ow!

Episode 10: Undeck the Halls
FRANK: Hello?
CLAIRE: Haley, keep that ugly sweater on.
PHIL: Anyway…Merry Christmas!

Episode 11: Up All Night
“I don’t like the guy. Do I have reasons? Yeah. Good reasons? Yeah. How many reasons do I need? None. I don’t like the guy.” -Jay, about Javier

Episode 12: Not in My House
“Stupid dog.” -Gloria, hiding Barkley

Episode 13: Fifteen Percent
“Hi! I’m Whitney. I’m here for Manny.” -Manny’s blind date

Episode 14: Moon Landing
“I have been avoiding this day like the plague. I mean, part of going to the gym is the locker room atmosphere. And if I’m there with a gay guy, it’s just not gonna be the same. I mean, for me it’s a locker room. For him, it’s a show room… She doesn’t get it.” -Jay, about Cameron

Episode 15: My Funky Valentine
“Did he trump me? You tell me. He made a painting out of a photograph one time. I have hand-picked a card, drawn a heart in the steam on the medicine cabinet, and taken Claire to Fratelli’s, a family-style Italian restaurant, for 17 years in a row—yeah, he got me. He got me.” -Phil, comparing Dylan’s gift

Episode 16: Fears
PHIL: What if there’s ancient Indian arrow heads under there?
LUKE: What if it’s gold bars?
PHIL: Oh, you think?
CLAIRE: For God sakes, why don’t you go under the house and look?

Episode 17: Truth Be Told
GLORIA: It’s just not a good poster, Jay.
JAY: You’re only making me stronger!

Episode 18: Starry Night
“Wah. Wah. No one can hear me now. Wooo! Everybody is stupid except me. Ha ha ha. I am funny.” -Luke, wearing noise-canceling headphones

Episode 19: Game Changer
“Boy, if a spider would’ve broken in here, he would’ve been in tro-u-ble.” -Cameron

Episode 20: Benched
“One day I’m gonna be a grandfather and then everybody better hide their meat.” -Phil

Episode 21: Travels with Scout
PHIL: We will all help. This is a great chance to teach the kids responsibility.
CLAIRE: That is exactly what you said about Luke’s paper route.

Episode 22: Airport 2010
JAY: Thank you, Honey. Are they uh, all gonna be up with us in first class?
GLORIA: Ay, no, Silly. Coach. You think I’m made of money?
JAY: [chuckles] Of course not.

Episode 23: Hawaii
“I’m home.” -Manny

Episode 24: Family Portrait
“Hey mom! I think my diet’s working! My underwear won’t stay up!” Manny


SEASON TWO Episode 1: The Old Wagon
“You know what? You can insult a lot of things about me; my hair, my voice, my balance board exercises. But don’t insult my selling. That crosses a line. What line? Oh, you don’t see it? That’s ‘cause I just sold it.” -Phil

Episode 2: The Kiss
“He blew his lid when she tried to contain him.” -Phil with tupperware

Episode 3: Earthquake
PLUMBER: It could be a washer. Cracked valve. Stripped pipe.
PHIL: Well, I guess I’m not a professional plumber but I have spent a huge amount of time in that tub. I can tell you from experience or at least what it feels like in there—

Episode 4: Strangers on a Treadmill
[Cam grabs an apple, Mitch looks on]
MITCH: I didn’t say anything!
[Cam spills the fruit tray]

Episode 5: Unplugged
CLAIRE: Phil?
[Luke slurps milk from his bowl]
PHIL: That’s awesome.

Episode 6: Halloween
CLAIRE: Ever since I was a kid, I loved scary things. If there was a new horror movie in town, I was the first in line. “One please!” Then I met Phil.
PHIL: “Two please!”

Episode 7: Chirp
JAY: Wait a minute, is that Manny driving?
GLORIA: Is it?
[Manny crashes through a wall]
JAY: Yeah, it’s him.

Episode 8: Manny Get Your Gun
“Ay! Sorry, sorry, I couldn’t find my earring. So what were we talking about, huh?” -Gloria

Episode 9: Mother Tucker
CAM: She raised 4 kids, 2 barns, and a whole lot of Hell.
MITCH: That sounds like a country song.
CAM: And that song would be called “The Greatest Woman That Ever Lived.”
MITCH: …Cam loves his mom.

Episode 10: Dance Dance Revelation
“Let’s go, Incredible Hulk.” -Phil

Episode 11: Slow Down Your Neighbors
[The stranger in the hot tub has abs]
MITCH: We should at least say hello.
CAM: It’s only polite.

Episode 12: Our Children, Ourselves
CAM: [to Lily] You naughty little girl.
MITCH: Well, you know, that’s what happens when you give me kahlua.

Episode 13: Caught in the Act
“It sended! Please come back.” -Gloria

Episode 14: Bixby’s Back
“But I am aware when someone has a crush on me and he does not have a crush on me.” -Mitch, nodding

Episode 15: Princess Party
LUKE: I’ve got some stuff prepared. ‘Hey mom, I’m firtsy.’ Eh? Adorable, right?
PHIL: Yeah. That’s…that’s good.
LUKE: Don’t worry. It works better in my jammies.

Episode 16: Regrets Only
GLORIA: [singing karaoke] Just call me angel of the morning, angel, touch my cheek before you leave me…
[Jay tosses silverware into the garbage disposal]

Episode 17: Two Monkeys and a Panda
“Adopting! Yay!” -Cam

Episode 18: Boys’ Night
JAY: I ever tell you the story about me and crab cakes? Thought I didn’t like them, tried them, loved them.
MANNY: Wow. Are the movie rights available for that one?

Episode 19: The Musical Man
CLAIRE: You are gonna have your choice of some pretty good colleges when the time comes.
HALEY: If I go to college.
CLAIRE: What?
HALEY: I’ve been thinking about it lately and I might…not. Later!
ALEX: Well, we took the scenic route but we ended up in the same place!

Episode 20: Someone to Watch Over Lily
[Dunphy house in chaos]
MITCH: Did we come at a bad time?
CLAIRE: Come back in 7 years and 5 months when they’re all GOOOOOONE!

Episode 21: Mother’s Day
“Okay, scratch the balloons. She is in a mood.” -Mitch

Episode 22: Good Cop, Bad Dog
“Why me? We had amazing seats for Lady Gaga and he gets sick. I’ve been looking forward to that concert for months. It’s the one gay cliché I allow myself.” -Mitch, uncrossing his legs

Episode 23: See You Next Fall
“Really, Mitchell? I could’ve just died.” -Cam

Episode 24: The One That Got Away
CLAIRE: It’s your grandfather’s birthday! We gotta start taking this seriously.
MITCH: [as a sailor] Permission to come aboard!

SEASON THREE Episode 1: Dude Ranch
CAM: I don’t think it needs balancing out.
MITCH: Really?
[Photobook is a pop-up with music]
CAM: It’s called production value.

Episode 2: When Good Kids Go Bad
LILY: [shoves the baby] MY daddy!
[The baby cries]
MITCH: Okay, well, that’s one problem solved.

Episode 3: Phil on Wire
“Seeing that weird, wonderful little man pursuing his dream of walking on a tightrope made me think: maybe I could pursue my dream…of walking on a tight rope.” -Phil

Episode 4: Door-to-Door
HALEY: [with smeared lipstick] How’s my face?
ALEX: Still good.
HALEY: Okay, good.

Episode 5: Hit & Run
CAM: Enjoy the show. I was always a fan of The Muppets. Especially the two guys in the theatre who wouldn’t shut up.
DAD: Just leave!

Episode 6: Go Bullfrogs!
“Go Bulldogs!” -Phil

Episode 7: Treehouse
SHORTY: Shame. There’s an expression in Italian, Jay. Dammi la tua mano e correremo unito per tutta la vita. Give me your hand and we will run together our whole lives.
GLORIA: Jay also hates running.

Episode 8: After the Fire
JAY: No, I got it. Ahh, my back! [doubles over]
CLAIRE: Dad!
PHIL: [walking in] No, Jay, that’s not quite it. Remember, you got air blowing through you so it’s more like, and then up, and then up.

Episode 9: Punkin Chunkin
“Roll up the curtain! Bing!” -Phil and Buddy, “man-shaking”

Episode 10: Express Christmas
PHIL: Everyone in the house! We’ll make a plan! Time is of the – hot! Hot! It’s just too hot! [jumps in the pool]
CLAIRE: Phil!

Episode 11: Lifetime Supply
JAY: But I was looking forward to –
GLORIA: You’re going!
JAVIER: That, I don’t miss.

Episode 12: Egg Drop
LUKE: I’ve got it. What if I’m the container?
CLAIRE: There’s a thought. You could be—No! Luke! Luke!

Episode 13: Little Bo Bleep
PHIL: Yeah and we can point out all the little things she does that turn people off.
[Claire glares]
PHIL: Like that look. I would lose that look.
[Claire changes her face]
PHIL: Spooky but better.

Episode 14: Me? Jealouse?
JAY: It’s noisier than usual around here.
[Cam and Gloria laugh]

Episode 15: Aunt Mommy
LUKE: How much electricity do we need to bring this back?
LEON: It’s not rocket science. We’re only reanimating a squirrel.
CLAIRE: Phil! Now!

Episode 16: Virgin Territory
LILY: Great, daddy, you ruined brunch.
[Everyone awws and laughs]
MANNY: This ends today.

Episode 17: Leap Day
MITCH: Okay birthday boy, what’s it gonna be? Rom-com or horror? Or we could do both and watch Maid in Manhattan. What are you doing?
CAMERON: Canceling our baby.

Episode 18: Send Out the Clowns
[Clown throws a pie in with the coffin.]

Episode 19: Election Day
CAM: [innocently] Can you tell me how this machine works again, Chad?
CHAD: Oh sure, no problem.

Episode 20: The Last Walt
PHIL: Death is a profound thing to deal with at any age. We all manage it differently. Some people lock up their feelings, others reach out for comfort finding some way to reaffirm their connection to life...
CLAIRE: You’re joking.

Episode 21: Planes, Trains, and Cars
CAR DEALER: So, wanna take it for a spin?
PHIL: [points toward the cawoman] You know what? I’d rather take her for a spin. Let’s get her top down, see what she can do – no. I meant the convertible.

Episode 22: Disneyland
ALEX: Hi, I’m Al–
HALEY: [pushing her] My 14-year-old sister. Ethan, was it?
ETHAN: Yeah.

Episode 23: Tableau Vivant
“Wait a second, you’re carrying your shoes. How am I supposed to judge the whole outfit? Put ‘em on.” -Phil

Episode 24: Baby on Board
CLAIRE: You are driving to some California border town to adopt a baby and I have to hear it from Gloria?
MITCH: I was outside for 2 minutes.
CAM: I kept it in as long as I could. WE’RE HAVING A BABYYYYYY!

SEASON FOUR Episode 1: Bringing Up Baby
SHORTY: Don’t worry, Gloria, we’ll have him back in time for dinner.
MANNY: Which for him is at 4 in the afternoon.
PHIL: ‘Cause he’s old! I love it!

Episode 2: Schooled
JAY: I don’t know why I have to go to this thing. In case you’ve forgotten, I raised 2 kids.
CLAIRE: Stop pulling my hair!
MITCH: Stop twisting my nipple!
CLAIRE: Shut up, shut up!
JAY: Why look at me? It was their mother’s fault. I was barely around.
MITCH: Ow!

Episode 3: Snip
[The kids argue]
PHIL: Five more years…
CLAIRE: Okay.

Episode 4: The Butler’s Escape
CAM: This is how we learn to siiing.
[Lily unplugs the keyboard]

Episode 5: Open House of Horrors
CLAIRE: I was plenty scary. I used professional-grade makeup.
PHIL: That’s the point, Claire. It was overkill. You’re the kind of person who could be twice as scary without wearing any makeup! Bye.

Episode 6: Yard Sale
PHIL: [on his StreetStrider] Does it matter to any of you that this is actually an extremely efficient cardio vascular workout that could prolong my life?
CLAIRE: Yeah but what kind of life and with whom?

Episode 7: Arrested
MANNY: I heard the phone. Who died?
GLORIA: Jay’s friend.
MANNY: Oh, Jay, I’m so sorry.
CLAIRE: [hanging up] Okay, I can’t do this again.

Episode 8: Mistery Date
“Phil Dunphy, this is the year 2025. Welcome. You’re the first one here.” -Phil


Episode 9: When a Tree Falls
“They’re gonna eat you alive, Suburbia.” -Luke

Episode 10: Diamond in the Rough
LUKE: I found a dead snake!
CLAIRE: It’s perfect.
LUKE: [runs away] Not dead, not dead!
CLAIRE: I’m gonna be mother of the year.

Episode 11: New Years Eve
CAM: Did we miss it?
MITCH: It’s only 10 o’clock.
CAM: What?
MITCH: It’s only 10 o’clock.
CAM: What?
MITCH: It’s only 10 o’clock!

Episode 12: Party Crasher
[Cam throws rice]
LILY: Ow!
CAM: Oh, are you okay, sweetie?
LILY: What do you think?!

Episode 13: Fulgencio
“Fulgencio Umberto. The initials are F.U. Pritchett, which is exactly the way it feels right now.” -Jay

Episode 14: A Slight at the Opera
CLAIRE: You guys have fun! Go on, nothing to worry about. I got it handled here.
LILY: Be careful!
LUKE: [putting] Don’t worry, just keep your mouth open.
CLAIRE: We’re fine, it’s fine.

Episode 15: Heart Broken
PHIL: Can’t shock Clive. Just tell me what you want.
[Claire faints.]
PHIL: Juliana? Claire? One of you needs to answer me.

Episode 16: Bad Hair Day
“One second, buddy. Salesman said when you’re breaking these shoes in, it’s easier to move side-to-side… Son of a gun! He was right! What do we got here – oh!” -Phil, falling

Episode 17: Best Man
SAL: We’re getting married! Let’s have a drink!
MITCH: We’re out of vodka.
SAL: …I will see you on Friday.

Episode 18: The Wow Factor
“Yesterday, I accidentally said ‘eleventy-five.’” -Claire

Episode 19: The Future Dunphys
PHIL: …And Luke, Coffee Bot is a non-starter, but I do like the idea of popcorn kernels in the pancake batter so they self-flip!
CLAIRE: Stop talking! Step away from the children.

Episode 20: Flip Flop
“Seriously, it’s bad luck to toast with an empty glass.” -Haley

Episode 21: Career Day
“I’ve got nowhere to be.” -Lily, waiting for the Tooth Fairy

Episode 22: My Hero
LILY: Daddy loves Pepper!
MITCH: I taught her that!

Episode 23: Games People Play
“Fortunately this time, I don’t have to be the wet blanket because even on just a short spin up the coast, Phil will see what I see every day; the transformation that happens when our kids are locked in a moving metal box. The Kraken that is unleashed. I love my kids very, very much.” -Claire

Episode 24: Goodnight, Gracie
MITCH: Does Gloria really look like the kind of woman who would run a brothel?
[They look at her]
MITCH: Yeah, I better go with her.
CAM: You should go.
MITCH: Yeah.

SEASON FIVE Episode 1: Suddenly, Last Summer
MANNY: Hey Cam, congratulations! Go, gay marriage!
[Joe throws up]
LILY: He did it again.
GLORIA: Ay, sí.
CAM: Okay, well…

Episode 2: First Days
LILY: Hey, I’ve been dressed for an hour. Come on, I can’t be late. I’ll fall behind.
MITCH: Sometimes I forget to factor in the ‘Asian.’

Episode 3: Larry’s Wife
CLAIRE: I’ll leave you a message.
PHIL: Okay. [she calls]
PHIL: Hello!
CLAIRE: Phil.
PHIL: Sorry! Call back!

Episode 4: Farm Strong
PHIL: You know, if we’re not going, we could stay in bed a little longer.
CLAIRE: No thank you. Don’t wanna have this conversation again in 15 years.

Episode 5: The Late Show
PHIL: Claire, he’s not a little boy anymore.
[Luke falls back]
LUKE: I’m fine!
PHIL: See how deep his voice is? …Are you okay?!

Episode 6: The Help
PEPPER: Now, let’s lose this couch.
MITCH: Wow, you need that much space, huh?
PEPPER: No, it’s hideous. This can’t be news to you. Ohh…

Episode 7: A Fair to Remember
PHIL: [sings] She’s such a pretty sight, wise as a Buddha, but brother watch that bite, ‘cause she’s a Claire-acuda!
CAM: …Or an existing song!
LILY: Thank you.

Episode 8: ClosetCon ‘13
CAM: SOOOOO-EY!
MITCH: Wow, there’s actually an animal that runs toward that sound, huh?

Episode 9: The Big Game
MANNY: I can see that bothers you.
JAY: Well, yeah, your own kid embarrassed to be seen with you. Ya know, I mean, you spend your whole life—
MANNY: Here’s fine!

Episode 10: The Old Man and the Tree
HALEY: When I wake up in my own room tomorrow, I’m gonna be giving thanks for my independence. And isn’t that what Christmas is all about?
CLAIRE: Seriously, nothing?
[Alex smiles and shrugs]

Episode 11: And One to Grow On
[Alex honks]
CLAIRE: She’s in a hurry today.
HALEY: Oh, that’s just step one of her 9-point safety test. Step 2 is checking the horn to make sure checking the horn didn’t break the horn.
[Alex honks again]
CLAIRE: She should never drive.

Episode 12: Under Pressure
“There is a 16-year-old science prodigy studying cancer research at Johns Hopkins! 16! What am I doing, I’m eating cake! Cake! Cake! Caaaaaake!” -Alex

Episode 13: Three Dinners
“I get it, okay? I’m lazy! GOD!” -Haley

Episode 14: iSpy
“Claire, you’re a tough one to figure out. You don’t trust bad boys and yet, you married one.” -Phil

Episode 15: The Feud
GIL: Well, don’t worry. It’s gonna get a good buffing tonight when it’s swinging against the back of my wife’s head. Oh!
PHIL: That is NOT respecting the medallion!

Episode 16: Spring-A-Ding Fling
HALEY: But you’re not gonna have those cookies without milk, right?
PHIL: Right. Come on, Phil.
[Haley sneaks her friends in]

Episode 17: Other People’s Children
“And we also asked Claire to go because we thought her sensible style nicely compliments Gloria’s flair. That way, Lily doesn’t end up looking too [“La Cucaracha”] or too ‘wah-waaaah.’” – Cam

Episode 18: Las Vegas
[Kilty Pleasures poster]
CAM: I mean, come on, have you ever seen a Scottish person this tan? I’m embarrassed even looking at it.
CLAIRE: Then stop.

Episode 19: A Hard Jay’s Night
CAM: He found us in soap. Today, Mitchell, I know love.
MITCH: I no love either.

Episode 20: Australia
GLORIA: Your lips are huge! I think you’re allergic to the ve-he-mi-te.
PHIL: No worries.
JAY: I’d be a little worried.

Episode 21: Sleeper
“There were a couple of snags but I think I covered my tracks pretty well.” -Phil, leaving a handprint

Episode 22: Message Received
JAY: Well, you’re gonna sit there until you at least try a pickle.
MANNY: You’re drunk with power.
JAY: You got that right.

Episode 23: The Wedding Pt. 1
SAL: Yes! I will totally officiate your wedding! Oh my drinks! Ha!
CAM: [confessional] It was supposed to be an intervention.

Episode 24: The Wedding Pt. 2
PEPPER: To the shuttles!
MITCH: But we don’t know a thing about this place.
PEPPER: Oh, my mistake. Let’s go over it. It’s a quaint, rustic spot, though its chief selling-point is it’s not about to become a kiln!
MITCH: To the shuttles!
SEASON SIX Episode 1: The Long Honeymoon
“Sure was nice when this house wasn’t full of bees!” -Lily

Episode 2: Do Not Push
MITCH: Why is she doing that with her face?
CAM: I don’t know, I’ve never seen such a weird, forced smile.
LILY: How do I look?
CAM: [forced smile] Beautiful.
MITCH: [forced smile] Perfect.

Episode 3: The Cold
CLAIRE: Oh no, I’m not getting you sick. This cold stops with me. Why do you think I swapped beds with Luke last night?
PHIL: You did?
LUKE: Appreciate the backrub. Not sure I love being called “Miss Thang.”
PHIL: Nooo.

Episode 4: Marco Polo
[Haley flushes and the dogs bark]
CLAIRE: Ahh! AGHH!

Episode 5: Won’t You Be Our Neighbor
CLAIRE: [licked Luke’s face] It’s peanut butter, by the way.
HALEY: We ran out of peanut butter 2 days ago.

Episode 6: Halloween 3: AwesomeLand
CAM: [trying to find Waldo] Where is the little guy?
MITCH: He’s right there.
CAM: How do you find it so –
MITCH: [gives him Groucho glasses] Let’s try these.

Episode 7: Queer Eyes, Full Hearts
CAM: I don’t think I’m interesting enough to do a news segment on. I mean, what would a reporter even say about me? That I’m a high school football coach with an undefeated record, who’s tackling stereotypes? That, on my team, prejudice is considered out of bounds? That we’re blitzing bigotry, kicking intolerance and beating –
MITCH: Metaphors to death?

Episode 8: Three Turkeys
“They call her ‘La Tranquila.” -Jay, about Gloria

Episode 9: Strangers in the Night
CLAIRE: [to Alex] You have a boyfriend?
LUKE: And you thought my thing was crazy.

Episode 10: Haley’s 21st Birthday
“Ooh, it burns?” -Haley, taking a shot

Episode 11: The Day We Almost Died
[The family avoids a crash]
“Why are we stopping?” -Luke

Episode 12: The Big Guns
HALEY: Uh, no, a terrible idea is a movie about a guy who can fax himself places.
LUKE: ‘Cause you haven’t heard the title: Just the Fax Man.
HALEY: [gasps] Yeah!
ALEX: That water can’t hit us soon enough.

Episode 13: Rash Decisions
“You were stuffy long before Stella. Do you not remember scolding that waiter at Chuck E. Cheese for serving you from the right?” -Jay

Episode 14: Valentine’s Day 4: Twisted Sister
CLAIRE: …And come straight home, put on our jammies, and fall asleep in front of the TV.
PHIL: Perfect. Looking forward to it already.
CLAIRE: Ew, but not those ones I hate. Those red satin pajamas.
PHIL: [hides the red pajamas] I don’t even know where those are!

Episode 15: Fight or Flight
“I have to admit I was a little miffed that Claire grabbed the good seat especially after I gave her such a magical weekend, but I was determined to stay positive. And then it hit me.” -Phil

Episode 16: Connection Lost
“I waited in line for 2 hours but I got it! Ooh, we making a home movie?” -Phil

Episode 17: Closet? You’ll Love It!
CAM: [singing] I’m never sharp, I’m pitch-perfect.
MITCH: [singing] I’m talking about your tone toward our daughter.
LILY: [singing] I can understand you, even when you’re singiiiiing.

Episode 18: Spring Break
“Wait, does that mean you also didn’t like my bagpiping? Is that why we have Luke? [to Luke] It’s not. [to Claire] Is it?!” -Phil

Episode 19: Grill, Interrupted
CLAIRE: I know. You’re upset because I said you were a born –
PHIL: There’s no such thing as a born cheerleader. It takes hard work and sacrifice. You know what a human pyramid is without hours of training? 10 obituaries!

Episode 20: Knock ‘Em Down
CAM: Yes, you’re very hip. That’s the theme song to the Antiques Roadshow.
MITCH: He’s right. That’s embarrassing.

Episode 21: Integrity
“I wanted 2 rough-and-tumble boys. I got a Manny and a pedi.” -Jay

Episode 22: Patriot Games
MITCH: Oh my God, can you believe that?
CAM: Yeah, he’s a little hippy for somebody that doesn’t eat potatoes.

Episode 23: Crying Out Loud
PHIL/HALEY/LUKE: Ditch Day! Ditch Day! Ditch Day!
ALEX: Is this a high holiday for you people?

Episode 24: American Skyper
“It’s like I’m right there in the room with you guys! Hello? Hello?” -Robot Phil on wheels

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DovR2wLCSoM
submitted by GenMarriottSuites to Modern_Family [link] [comments]


2020.03.28 18:08 jack_the_rat I'm compiling a list of clichés, so far I have 400+. Surely I missed something you all didn't, so tell me what I might have missed!

  1. He's right behind me, isn't he?
  2. [Horror] Ascending tone
  3. This couldn't possibly get any worse! (rain)
  4. Moon transition
  5. [Trailer] IN A WORLD
  6. Cgi earth zoom
  7. [Spy] Location text
  8. We aren't so different, you and I
  9. [Horror] Black guy dies first
  10. [Horror] masked guy head tilt
  11. Whatcha Say
  12. Family breakfast
  13. Eyes rolling back in head
  14. Bullet knockback
  15. [Action] - Particularly The Walking Dead Infinite ammunition for guns
  16. It was all a dream
  17. High Schooler Tripping while running drops books
  18. Romantic Accidental hand touching
  19. [Superpower] Radiation superpowers
  20. Woman manipulating with looks
  21. Horror Creepy music box
  22. Horror Creepy little girls singing
  23. Chosen one prophecy
  24. Love triangle
  25. Horror Knock knock door opens
  26. Horror Door closes itself once inside
  27. Shows clock changing to convey time
  28. Horror House on ancient burial ground
  29. Sports Team loses until final game
  30. Attractive person slow-mo entrance
  31. I've got a bad feeling about this...
  32. High School Cheerleader dates quarterback
  33. You're a genius! I am?
  34. I never told you...
  35. Cell phone no reception
  36. Raining funeral
  37. Horror Disappear off camera
  38. Horror Seemingly dead person is actually alive jumpscare
  39. We don't have to fight
  40. Horror Creepy kids aren't scared of bad guy
  41. Scream echo sound effect
  42. Horror Dog/pets die
  43. Romance Girl gets cold guy gives her sweater
  44. Dialogue Reverse shot
  45. Live studio audience
  46. Celebrity cameo
  47. News montage opening
  48. Basements (eg. Home Alone)
  49. Horror Couple dies
  50. Just in time
  51. Horror Fake jumpscares (refrigerator)
  52. Car slide over hood
  53. Bollywood ending
  54. Almost kiss; interruption
  55. Courtroom Drama (Bee Movie)
  56. Earthquake glass of water
  57. Flashback nostalgia filter (overexposure)
  58. Face close up (head to head match)
  59. Romance Opposites attract
  60. Romantic leads Cross paths but don't interact
  61. Comic relief + plot device = supporting character (Jar Jar)
  62. Spaceship simulates gravity
  63. Humanoid aliens
  64. Record scratch
  65. Bead of sweat
  66. Crickets at night
  67. The call's coming from inside the house
  68. TV channel flip message
  69. That's just great
  70. Flickering lights
  71. Food chain showed by animals eating each other
  72. Highway honking
  73. Late for something; reason out of control
  74. Villain's face hidden
  75. Villain has hideous scar
  76. Villain strokes cat
  77. Mad Scientist
  78. Villain explains plot/master plan right before killing-protagonist survives
  79. It’s mine, all mine!
  80. Villain slow clap
  81. Villain responsible for EVERYTHING
  82. Villain survives death (I’m not done with you yet)
  83. Villain has multiple identity reveals
  84. Villian Traps Hero:
    1. shark/piranha tank
    2. croc tank
    3. Lava
    4. Lowering spikes ceiling
    5. pendulum axe
    6. lazer slowly cuts in half
    7. tied up
    8. love interest also/only trapped
  85. Mary Sue
  86. Strange noise
  87. Shows ending first (you're probably wondering how this happened; Megamind)
  88. Role call joke names (I.C. Weiner)
  89. Nobody believes main character about impending threat (Woody in Toy Story)
  90. Hunches are fact
  91. Explanation of Sci-Fi stuff with singular words (mostly -ers)
  92. CGI zoom in to see microscopic world
  93. Tyranny enforced by menacing robots
  94. Point of view shot sped up to look scary
  95. Percussive pickpocket
  96. Automatic door close just in time
  97. Cool guys don't look at explosions
  98. Cool guys smoke
  99. Phone conversation repeat everything said
  100. Environmentalism (save the whale-pandas)
  101. Voices echo in tragic flashback
  102. Sentimental picture
  103. Phone numbers start with 555
  104. Poke hole through folded piece of paper to explain wormhole
  105. Third act - characters get mad at each other
  106. Befriend small creature - grows into large killing machine
  107. Joins "cool kids" and then decides they're jerks and joins old friends
  108. Girl is bad at ice skating; has to hold on to guy for support
  109. Disappear into the sky, turn into star (Team Rocket’s blasting off again)
  110. Hero's Journey (LOTR)
  111. Character who is an asshole - no other notable traits
  112. Horror Looping record
  113. School bell rings as soon as school scene starts
  114. I'm too old for this shit
  115. Binocular Vision
  116. Scene Transition (Star Wars and Edgar Wright)
  117. Montage
  118. Cold open opening credits
  119. Two kids one malt
  120. Shameless product placement (We will not bow to any sponsor)
  121. Based on a true story
  122. Eyes Opening POV shot after going unconscious
  123. Kick me sign
  124. The sky's the limit
  125. Microphone tap
  126. Microphone screech
  127. Groundhog day genre (a character living the same day over and over)
  128. On top of Train fight scene
  129. Did somebody say...
  130. Don't even think about it
  131. Get name wrong (it's ____!)
  132. Falling descending tone
  133. If you die in the game you die in real life
  134. And stay out
  135. If I were a _ where would I be
  136. Three kids in a Trench Coat
  137. Walking on Sunshine
  138. So Crazy it Just Might Work
  139. Royalty and Normal Person Switch Lives
  140. Beginning Countdown
  141. Willhelm Scream
  142. You killed my father
  143. Bond, James Bond
  144. Murder Misdirection: gunshot heard; we don’t know who died.
  145. L-shaped bed sheet, Crotch and Neck
  146. Collective Gasp
  147. [Sci-Fi] Parallel universe/crossovers
  148. [Sci-Fi] Time travel/grandfather paradox THE FABRIC OF THE UNIVERSE
  149. Third Time’s the Charm
  150. Cultural insensitivity
  151. Inception Horn
  152. To the Killer: What do you want?
  153. Robot Takeover
  154. Terminator Happens
  155. Whitewashing
  156. Evil Clone/Cyborg/Twin
  157. Radar Screen
  158. Every gunshot is a Headshot
  159. Underwear Nightmare
  160. Point and Laugh
  161. PG-13 Rating
  162. Cat Screech
  163. Cough is a Symptom of Terminal Illness
  164. Slow-Mo NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
  165. Slow-Mo Explosion
  166. Slow-Mo Climactic Battle Moment
  167. Car Tire Noises
  168. Fake Brand (cliquesters.com)(Buy and Large)
  169. Romance Looking up at the stars
  170. Little Green Men
  171. Chandeliers Falling
  172. Good cop bad cop (points out the routine)
  173. “Quick he’s escaping! After him!”
  174. Horror Power goes out
  175. Dinosaur Loose
  176. Area 51
  177. Disaster Movie:
    1. Earthquake
    2. Hurricane
    3. Tornado
    4. Fire
    5. Flood
    6. Oil Spill
    7. Nuclear Bomb
  178. Overpopulation
  179. Abusive Alcoholic Uncle
  180. Teenage vampire romance drama
  181. You’re just like your mothefather
  182. Old Woman crosses road slowly and blocks car for comedy
  183. Let her go
  184. I should have killed you when I had the chance
  185. You should have killed me when you had the chance
  186. Are you threatening me?
  187. Get down!
  188. Sit down and shut up
  189. Are you kidding me?
  190. You just don’t get it, do you?
  191. Detective newspaper
  192. Let’s split up. We can cover more ground that way.
  193. Just like in the movies
  194. What is the meaning of this?
  195. Stoplight chase scene (Looney Tunes)
  196. Girl: “Be careful.” Boy: “I know” (basically the Han Leah dynamic)
  197. Unsafe place with a DangeDo Not EnteSkull n Crossbones sign, hero goes in anyways
  198. Suspense/buildup, turns out it’s just a cat or something [Horror] (cat scare)
  199. Travel montage shown by globe/map (indiana jones)
  200. Shooting Star
  201. British butler (“Can I help you,sir?”)
  202. British/Russian/Nazi bad guy
  203. Window silhouette
  204. It’s a long story
  205. Is that all you’ve got?
  206. Calling old people Grandma or Grandpa
  207. Detective Flashback
  208. You mess with the bull, you get the horns
  209. Make love, not war
  210. High Schoolers/Teenagers played as adults
  211. That… Was… Awesome!
  212. I wouldn’t have it any other way
  213. Missed a spot
  214. There’s only one way to find out
  215. If you're watching this, I’m dead
  216. Hold the phone
  217. I’ll stay behind and, uh, keep watch
  218. Hold on to something
  219. After phone hangup: Hello? Hello? HELLO?
  220. Woman makeover glasses and un-ponytail
  221. She knows too much
  222. I think the real question is: WHEN are we?
  223. There’s Good news and there’s Bad news. Which do you want first
  224. Car explosion
  225. Invincible action characters
  226. Save the bad guy
  227. Deadly One-liners
  228. Hero and villain are related (twist)
  229. Superheroes are illegal
  230. Cryogenically frozen
  231. Did I just say that out loud?
  232. Spy casino scene
  233. Stalking Love
  234. Born sexy yesterday (stupid, sexy character. Sort of like Weird Science)
  235. Dead body in freezer
  236. Ladies first (guy is a coward)
  237. Lymph node he’s dead
  238. Which key is it?
  239. Sniper vision
  240. Shaky Cam (battle or action scene)
  241. The customer is always right
  242. The bottom line is…
  243. Lawyer in jail switch
  244. Evil eye color change
  245. You can say that again
  246. I hope you’re happy
  247. You’ll never get away with this! I already have.
  248. I can explain! There’s a perfectly logical explanation for all this!
  249. We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone
  250. _ was _ all along
  251. Dog dies (horror)
  252. Bad British accent (Daphne in Frasier)
  253. Breaking into song (rhymes first, like Scott Pilgrim)
  254. Twist villain (like in Frozen; the guy we suspected all along, but it acts like it’s surprising)
  255. There’s just a part toward the end where it’s twist after twist after twist.
  256. I want to be somebody
  257. The butler did it
  258. Evil corporation
  259. Totally not nazis regime
  260. Wrong place at the wrong time
  261. Any likeness to true events is purely coincidental
  262. Crickets in audience
  263. What could possibly go wrong?
  264. Well, Well, Well. What do we have here? If it isn’t ...
  265. Villain Revolving Chair Swivel when good guys enter lair.
  266. Rich people have long tables
  267. [Horror] Virgin Lives
  268. Take us to your leader
  269. Zombie movie: What’s a zombie?
  270. [Trailer] single high-pitched piano key (like C7 or something) plays
  271. Terrible fake instrument playing
  272. Characters explain everything to each other but really it’s for the audience
  273. Phone time vacuum (in like three seconds twelve minutes of explanation occur)
  274. Really close talking
  275. Jumping through glass; no injury
  276. Parents literally have the intellectual capacity of a potato
  277. Supervillain kills his subordinates if he gets angry
  278. In English, please
  279. Trip while being chased by killer
  280. Running in heels
  281. Summer camp horror, singing
  282. Reading latin necronomicon thing causes Evil Dead 2, Jumanji
  283. Shooting locks opens them
  284. Orphan finds out he/she’s royalty or something
  285. A theatre play goes horribly wrong; audience applauses and thinks it’s all part of it
  286. One at a time fighting: Kill Bill, fight before O-Ren
  287. Nobody dies from blunt force trauma to the head; just unconscious
  288. Mirror jumpscare: open and close medicine cabinet, something behind them
  289. Writing written all over the walls by insane people (No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy)
  290. [Found Footage] Oh my God! What the hell is that?!
  291. Evil Name change: Anakin Skywalker is dead
  292. *cough* insult *cough*
  293. Awkward elevator music (Rickroll Elevator Music)
  294. There’s a storm coming
  295. I gotta get me one of these
  296. Danger is my middle name
  297. Snap out of it!
  298. Get a hold of yourself!
  299. We’ve got company!
  300. Car won’t start
  301. Hiding from a creature/killewhatever, one little sound (broken twig) gives them away
  302. Masked killers never run; they only walk
  303. Killer is invincible
  304. Creepy dolls
  305. Zombies: Kill me before I turn
  306. Escape through air vent
  307. Run from car in the middle of the road
  308. Thunder and lightning are simultaneous
  309. We get the idea
  310. What's the big idea?
  311. Frat boys
  312. Cabin in the woods
  313. Creepy old guy warns to stay out, beware, etc.
  314. Creepy stuff in jars
  315. Creaking wooden floors
  316. Creepy painting
  317. Dumb blonde
  318. Flashlights in dark places
  319. Locket with picture
  320. Underwater: characters can hold breath for like twelve years
  321. Let’s get this party started!
  322. Do you ever get the feeling you're being watched?
  323. Oracle character (insane prophet)
  324. I'm going in
  325. Walking on sunshine
  326. You and what army?
  327. Eyes in painting follow character
  328. I’ve always wanted to do this/say that
  329. This time it’s personal
  330. We come in peace
  331. You don’t have to come home but you can’t stay here
  332. It’s quiet … maybe too quiet …
  333. I’m okay
  334. Evil laugh
  335. Scooby doo doors chase
  336. Eyes in the dark are visible
  337. SILENCE!
  338. One of us one of us one of us
  339. dun Dun DUN
  340. Fake supporting character death, crying, then they come back to life.
  341. Detective black and white
  342. Detective duo (rookie and the one who is about to die)
  343. Prison break
  344. Prison harmonica
  345. Prison rape (drop the soap)
  346. "I'm the warden around here"
  347. Ball and chain prisoners
  348. We've got eyes and ears everywhere
  349. Hitler’s in it
  350. That's an order
  351. Hands in the air
  352. Stop right there
  353. Hostage negotiation
  354. Feminine gay character
  355. Before we die let’s tell each other our darkest secrets (I did not care for the Godfather)
  356. Creepy house (motherstuffer)
  357. Full speed ahead
  358. Bathroom stall kicking open
  359. Sensei/young grasshopper
  360. Master plan
  361. It's not the destination, it's the journey
  362. Empty rocking chair
  363. Shoot him! He’s the clone! No, shoot him! He’s the clone!
  364. Whatever they're paying I'll double it
  365. Abusive drill sergeant
  366. That’s where you come in
  367. Creepy kid drawing
  368. Time for Plan B
  369. Nerds have inhalers
  370. People bump into nerds because they're bad at walking or something
  371. Clone/twin switch
  372. I'm married to my work
  373. Screaming instead of running
  374. Sci-fi analogy "like putting too much air into a balloon!"
  375. I've had better days
  376. Other than my wife leaving me to marry a Martian and have sex with Pluto my day's been great!
  377. Kiss fireworks
  378. Out of focus mary-go-round lights
  379. Fin
  380. Fasten your seatbelts. It's about to get rough/bumpy
  381. That's not a good sign
  382. I can see my house from here
  383. Command Room Clapping
  384. The ____ was in us all along
  385. Hell of a day
  386. Leave me here! Save yourselves!
  387. Elevator music
  388. Elevator door close keeps off creature
  389. Cop donuts
  390. Cops are fat (unless they're main characters)
  391. Cross turning over from demon
  392. Seat’s taken
  393. Nerds have glasses, maybe taped by the nose
  394. Nerds have braces
  395. Nerds have nasally, annoying voices
  396. Picture of love interest in locker
  397. Eurocentric standards of beauty
  398. Jocks are always wearing letterman jackets
  399. Sorry I’m late!
  400. Fire in the hole!
  401. Easy money
  402. Birds flying into windows
  403. Get that thing that's under the sleeping lion or dragon or something
  404. Are you thinking what I'm thinking (there are two variations though)
  405. That went well
  406. Do not pass go
  407. John, meet Frank. Frank, meet John.
  408. I'm married to my work
  409. Let's get out of here!
  410. Follow that Van!!!
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2019.07.16 06:25 SoberDisappointment Cam locker spy room guys

Mobile disclosure: you’re reading a rough draft I’m not formatting, until I revise it.
In 1989 two people met briefly behind a bar, she didn’t know his name and he didn’t care about hers. She stumbled toward the road for her car with his cum running down her thighs. As the woman sat down she felt the sticky squish and exclaimed “oh fuck”. 9 months later Brandi Banner was born. It didn’t take long for a young mom to find a new husband and marry peacefully to settle into city life.
Brandi never bothered with computers, she spent her time in front of the tv or flipping through magazines in her room. Carefree and modest, teenager; indestructible in her own mind. Her mother was an only child, but Brandi had many aunts and uncles. Lloyd was an uncle she was partially raised by when her father was injured while deployed overseas. While being older that her mother was when she got pregnant while drunk, Brandi was never left unsupervised. Lloyd brought her his old laptop and had written the login info down for it. However it sat for about a month before she used it to discuss a project in one of her school new gifted classes which required discussing in a chat room and posting on a forum. While saving some files for class she started opening folders and looking at what was left behind. Lloyd had a massive collection of women and men naked, having sex or performing acts in public. It was her first time seeing a mans body and she wasn’t too impressed but couldn’t be distracted. Later while opening the browser, the home page was set to open a few pages. A spy cam site, a forum for public masturbation and a chat room for adults. Brandi looked around the spy cam site not noticing that her cam had started streaming, she then clicked around a bit on the forum. Grossed out by the extremely older men she had seen she decided to close it. She entered the chat room. Within a few seconds she seen the number of incoming messages grow. She exchanged a few words and quickly closed anyone sending pictures of themselves. She spoke with a few people asking about changing the opening pages and someone walked her through the process. When she attempted to close the spy cam site she noticed that she had messages on their as well. She opened the most recent, [lose the clothes slut]. She switched back over to the other page and began talking with her new friend about the cam site. He told her to ask some simple questions. “Who am I?” She wrote, and his response was [some slut]. “Why should I?” She asked, [look whore, if you want me to send anything I want to see it all] she decided to close the page. While she told her friend about the page he suggested she open the page back to make sure she wasn’t still viewable. He asked her to check messages and read them all, no matter how it upset or grossed her out. The third message from first to come in, over an hour before only contained [hello Brandi] she told her new friend about the message and she replied “who is this”. Her friend said she should find out and message him to try and figure it out. She did, or at least tried. She had been online for hours now and had gotten up to change for bed. She had only thought about the cam site before removing her bra and she sat down. A new message 11 minutes prior [youre in one of my classes] the same user as before, literallyliteral. “Who is this” [someone with many photos of you now] “What?” [cute bra, they did always look big] “Stop being a perv” [do you want these all over school? I can print 100s and just toss them in the hall] “Please don’t” [you don’t have a boyfriend, but lots of boys have asked you out] “I’m not allowed to date” [but you’re allowed to webcam yourself in a bra? Weird parenting] “...” [dont bother covering up yet, chat and I’ll think about deleting some photos] “Chat about what?” [tomorrow you will wear a skirt, and a button up. Pigtails and leave 3 buttons undone] “I can’t leave my buttons undone” [yes you can, or everyone is going to see these] “My dad wouldn’t allow it” [once you’re at school just undo them, and make sure you’re only wearing what I said, and shoes, socks if you’re good] “What do you mean good and guys are gonna stare at my bra and stuff” [you stop arguing and become agreeable, and you’re not wearing a bra tomorrow, nothing under the skirt either] “No way I can leave like that” [why not? Daddy?] “I hate not having a bra on and yes both my parents” [...hmm] “What” [take your bra off at school, if I see you wearing it after lunch you photos of you being a cam slut will be littered across the school.] “Come on just delete them, I’m nice to everyone” [say “thank you” and you can wear panties until lunch] “Thank you” [after lunch you take them off in the boys locker room and leave them there] “Oh god, I can’t go in there” [yes you can, hall pass to the bathroom and go in.] “I have to go to bed” [ill be watching]
The next morning...
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2019.04.26 14:51 autobuzzfeedbot Spy cam guys locker room

  1. Quentin Tarantino's "Pulp Fiction" is a series of interconnected, violent, and twisted stories of criminals in Los Angeles told out of narrative order.
  2. "Thor: Ragnarok" is the third "Thor" movie and centers on the god of thunder as he prevents Hela from destroying Asgard.
  3. "Y Tu Mamá Tambien" follows two bored teen boys as they embark on a sexual and liberating road trip with a woman.
  4. "Senna" is a documentary about the 10-year career of Formula One champion Ayrton Senna before his tragic death during the 1994 San Marino Grand Prix.
  5. "The Lives of Others" is an Oscar-winning German film drama about Stasi police monitoring of East Berlin residents before the fall of the Berlin Wall.
  6. "High Flying Bird" centers on a sports agent who comes up with a shocking plan for basketball players during a lockout.
  7. An irresponsible man seeks out relationships with single mothers by faking a kid, but to his surprise, he ends up befriending the son of one woman in "About a Boy."
  8. Director Werner Herzog examines the relationship between humans, the internet, and AI in his documentary "Lo and Behold: Reveries of the Connected World."
  9. Two brothers find themselves mixed back in with a UFO cult they escaped once before as they seek answers about the cult and their own lives in "The Endless."
  10. "The Meyerowitz Stories (New and Selected)" is a family story as adult siblings manage their own lives and that of their aging father.
  11. "The Last Man On the Moon" is a documentary about astronaut Eugene Cernan as he talks about his life leading up to and after his time on the moon in 1929.
  12. "Private Life" centers on a couple who are struggling to have a child so they turn to different methods, including in vitro fertilization and adoption.
  13. Based on the novel of the same name, "Deliverance" follows four men as their canoe in the Georgia woods turns into a terrifying fight for survival.
  14. Based on the 1943 novella of the same name, Netflix's adaptation of "The Little Prince" centers on a pilot who tells a story about meeting a little boy claiming to be a prince from another planet after he crash-landed in the desert.
  15. The Cohen brothers "No Country for Old Men" is a crime thriller involving a Vietnam vet and a hitman that set off a series of deadly events.
  16. "Milk" is based on the life and death of Harvey Milk, the first openly gay man elected to a public office in the United States who was assassinated by a former co-worker.
  17. Adapted from a play, "Incendies" follows Canadian twins who, after the death of their mother, discover that their father is alive and they have a brother in the Middle East.
  18. "Room" is the emotional story about a girl kidnapped and held captive whose son is born and raised in captivity, so he has never experienced the outside world.
  19. Netflix's horror movie "Cam" is a technological thriller about a camgirl who discovers a replica of herself is also somehow streaming videos online.
  20. "Fire At Sea" is a documentary is set on the island of Lampedusa and examines the European migrant crisis as migrants took the difficult and dangerous journey across the Mediterranean and often landed on the island.
  21. Based on Patricia Highsmith's "The Price of Salt," "Carol" is a love story between a department store worker and a wealthy woman she meets who is also going through a difficult divorce.
  22. "Winter's Bone" is the story of survival, as a young girl in the Ozarks of Missouri must find her missing father before she and her siblings are evicted from their home.
  23. Based on the 1910 novel of the same name, "Howard's End" the drama explores the intersection of social classes in early Britain and centers on the estate of one particular couple.
  24. "Her" is science-fiction romance in which a man falls in love with an artificially intelligent virtual assistant.
  25. The dark comedy "Heathers" centers in a small Ohio high school where the most popular group — a collective known as the Heathers — are awful to other students, until Veronica meets the sadistic JD who has a plan to avenge the victims.
  26. Werner Herzog's "Encounters at the End of the World" is a documentary about nature and humans through the experiences of the people who live in work at Antarctica's McMurdo Station.
  27. Taking place during the 1922 Los Angeles Riots, "Gook" centers on two Korean-American brothers who run their father's shoe store and the friendship they have with a local young black girl. Their lives are upended by the start of the riots.
  28. The film adaptation of Broadway musical "West Side Story" tells the story of a war between rival gangs — American Jets and Puerto Rican Sharks —and the romance that builds between two rivals.
  29. "Best of Enemies" is a documentary about the 10 explosive televised debates between Gore Vidal and William F. Buckley Jr. that took place during the 1968 United States presidential election.
  30. "Incredibles 2" is the sequel to the "Incredibles" and follows the Parr family as Helen works to improve the popularity of superheroes and Bob stays at home with the kids.
  31. Based on Dennis Lehane's novel of the same name, "Gone Baby Gone" focuses on private investigators tasked with finding a kidnapped girl.
  32. "The Wild Bunch" is a Western that centers on a group of outlaws on the border of Mexico and the United States in 1913.
  33. "The Diving Bell and the Butterfly" is based on the life of Jean-Dominique Bauby, who, at the age of 43, suffered a stroke that left him completely paralyzed except for his left eyelid. He dictated his memoir via blinking before dying a year later.
  34. "The King's Speech" tells the story of King George VI, who worked with a speech therapist to work out his stammer.
  35. Bryan Fogel won an Oscar for "Icarus," his documentary exploring doping options in sports who learned of a Russian-sponsored Olympic doping program overseen by Dr. Grigory Rodchenkov, who is now under witness protection.
  36. "Cutie and the Boxer" is about two Japanese artists and their 40-year marriage.
  37. "An Education" tells the story of a young girl who dreams of going to Oxford but her studies get thrown to the wayside when she meets a man who cons his way into her heart.
  38. "The Breadwinner" is an Oscar-nominated animated film about an 11-year-old girl living with her family in Afghanistan under Taliban rule.
  39. "Apollo 13" is a dramatization of Apollo 13 space mission that intended to land on the moon, but instead was aborted due to the explosion of an oxygen tank.
  40. "Amy" is a documentary about the life and death of Amy Winehouse, a British singer who died at 27.
  41. "Bombshell: The Hedy Lamarr Story" is a documentary about the life and career of Hedy Lamar, an actress and inventor.
  42. "Train to Busan" is an apocalypse film set on a bullet train where a zombie virus quickly spreads among passengers.
  43. Guillermo del Toro's "Pan's Labyrinth" is a twisted fantasy that centers on a young girl that meets mystical creatures and finds a hidden labyrinth after moving to a new home with her mother and sadistic stepfather.
  44. "Life of Brian," from comedy group Monty Python, is a religious satire about a guy named Brian who is mistaken for Jesus after being born next door to the savior.
  45. "Lagaan: Once Upon a Time in India" is set in a Victorian-era Indian village where a British officer offers to forget the village's high taxes if they can win at a game of cricket, a game the villagers have to learn to play.
  46. "The Pianist" is based the memoir from Władysław Szpilman, a Polish-Jewish pianist and composer and Holocaust survivor.
  47. Archaeologist and professor Indiana Jones is introduced in "Raiders of the Lost Ark" as he works to find the Ark of the Covenant before Nazis do.
  48. Two teen boys become fast friends when a family inherits a new apartment, but a feud between the new apartment owners and the tenant comes between the boys in "Little Men."
  49. "Roma," from Alfonso Cuarón, is a stunning portrayal of life in 1970s Mexico as told from the perspective of a young woman who works as a maid for a middle-class family.
  50. "The Death and Life of Marsha P. Johnson" is a documentary that explores the mysterious death of drag queen and activist Marsha P. Johnson that was originally suspected to be suicide while others suspected murder.
  51. "Cave of Forgotten Dreams" is a documentary exploring the Chauvet Cave in France, which is home to the most ancient paintings done by humans.
  52. "April and the Extraordinary World (Avril et le monde truqué)" is an animated film set in a steampunk world in which scientists go missing, including the family of a young girl named April.
  53. "The Women's Balcon" centers on a group of Orthodox Jewish women who seek to get funds to fix the broken women's balcony in the synagogue but have to contend with a Rabbi trying to enforce strict gender roles on them.
  54. "Blue Ruin" is a revenge story about a man who takes matters into his own hands when the man who killed his parents is released from prison.
  55. "Dr. No" introduced James Bond to the big screen and took the spy to Jamaica to investigate a missing British agent.
  56. Criminal organization SPECTRE is after James Bond once again in "From Russia With Love," the sequel to "Dr. No".
  57. "Quiz Show" tells the true story of scandals surrounding popular game show "Twenty-One" in the 1950s that revealed the game to be rigged.
  58. "Mother (Madeo)" is about a single mother whose only son is accused and found guilty of murder, but she believes he is innocent and goes to extremes to prove it.
  59. "Jim & Andy: The Great Beyond" is a documentary about the making of the movie "Man On the Moon," in which Jim Carrey played comedian Andy Kaufman.
  60. "One of Us" is a documentary that centers on three people who left their Hasidic Jewish community and the ostracizing they faced from their families after making that choice.
  61. "Undefeated" centers on a struggling Memphis high school football team that works towards a winning season.
  62. "The Look of Silence" is a documentary about the Indonesian mass killings that took place between 1965 and 1966 and serves as a companion to the documentary "The Act of Killing."
  63. "The Silence of the Lambs" centers on an FBI trainee who is tasked with seeking assistance from Hannibal Lecter, a captured serial killer and cannibal, to capture another serial killer on the loose.
  64. "Black Panther" became the first superhero movie to be nominated for best picture at the Oscars and centers on T'Challa as he learns what it means to be the king of Wakanda.
  65. Richard Linklater's "Boyhood" was filmed over 12 years with the same cast and exams a family through the eyes of a young boy growing up with divorced parents.
  66. Kevin Costner plays a veteran minor league baseball player sent to train a rookie pitcher, while both men fall for the same girl in "Bull Durham."
  67. Katheryn Bigelow was the first women to win an Oscar for directing with "The Hurt Locker," which follows an Explosive Ordnance Disposal team during the Iraq War.
  68. "Mudbound" centers on two World War II vets — one black and one white — and their families as they confront racism and post-war life in Mississippi.
  69. After a warrior's sword is stolen, it's a dangerous mission to get it back in Ang Lee's martial arts epic "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon."
  70. Based on Jenny Han's novel of the same name, "To All the Boys I've Loved Before" is about a girl whose handwritten letters get sent to all her crushes and throw her love life for a loop.
  71. "God's Own Country" follows a young man frustrated with being forced to work on his family farm but whose life changes when he forms a relationship with a Romanian migrant worker.
  72. "Mustang" follows five sisters being raised in an extremely conservative family who are prohibited from being in public after they are caught playing with male classmates.
  73. The Oscar-nominated "Hell or High Water" follows two brothers as they rob banks in an effort to save their family's ranch which sets them on the run from Texas Rangers.
  74. Steven Spielberg's "Jaws" thrilled and terrified viewers with its portrayal of a giant shark attacking and killing humans in a fictional beach town.
  75. Ava DuVernay's documentary "13th" is named after the 13th Amendment to the Constitution and examines race, mass incarceration, and the justice system in America.
  76. Woody Allen's "Annie Hall" centers on a comedian and writer trying to understand why his relationship with a particular woman named Annie Hall failed.
  77. The Oscar-winning film "Good Will Hunting" centers on a 20-year-old genius who works as a janitor until an arrest sets him up with a therapist and a mathematics professor.
  78. Miguel learns the importance of family when he accidentally ends up in the Land of the Dead after trying to reverse his family's ban on music in "Coco."
  79. The Monty Python comedy group creatively take on the tale of King Arthur, the Knights of the Round Table, and the quest for the Holy Grail in "Monty Python and the Holy Grail."
  80. "Schindler's List" is based on the true story of businessman Oskar Schindler, who saved more than 1,000 Polish-Jews during the Holocaust by bribing Nazi leaders into letting him employ them in his factories.
  81. Set in 1902, "Daughters of the Dust" follows three generations of woman in one Gullah family who live on an island off the coast of South Carolina. As the women examine their heritage and traditions, they are faced with the decision to stay on the island or move to the mainland.
  82. "Don't Think Twice" centers on an improv group whose members realize they all won't have the same comedic careers when one of them is cast on a sketch TV show.
  83. "Ai Weiwei: Never Sorry" is a documentary about Chinese artist and activist Ai Weiwei, whose criticisms and investigations against the Chinese government resulted in him being jailed for nearly three months.
  84. "Blackfish" is a documentary that analyzes orcas in captivity by centering on Tilikum, a SeaWorld orca responsible for three deaths.
  85. Alfred Hitchcock's "Strangers on a Train" is about two men who meet on a train when one suggests that they murder someone for each other.
  86. "Things To Come (L'avenir)" is about a woman who works as a philosophy teacher but whose life changes when her husband of 25 years leaves her.
  87. The Persian horror film "Under The Shadow" centers on a mother and daughter who are haunted by an evil spirit while living in Tehran during the War of the Cities.
  88. South Korean horror film "The Wailing (Goksung)" is about a cop who investigates a disease that causes people to murder.
  89. "Faces Places (Visages Villages)" is a documentary in which Agnès Varda and an artist known as JR travel around France meeting people that they then create portraits of.
  90. "Jiro Dreams of Sushi" is a documentary about Jiro Ono, a then 85-year-old sushi master who owns the three-star Michelin restaurant Sukiyabashi Jiro, a 10-seat restaurant in a subway station in Tokyo.
  91. The Oscar-winning film "A Separation" is about a couple who separates and their daughter who suffers due to her parent's fights.
  92. "The Third Man" is a noir film about a novelist (played by Joseph Cotten) who travels to Vienna to work for his friend (Orson Welles), but when the writer arrives, he is met with the news that his friend is dead.
  93. "Strong Island" is a documentary from Yance Ford about his brother's murder by a white man who claimed self-defense and wasn't indicted by the all-white jury.
  94. Sandi Tan and two friends shot an independent film as teens, but the footage was lost after their film teacher stole it and disappeared. They were contacted a few years after his death and Tan reworked the footage into "Shirkers," a documentary about the filmmaking.
  95. "Mercury 13" is a documentary about 13 women who underwent and passed the same tests that male pilots took to become astronauts in the '50s but the women were ultimately never sent to space.
  96. "Chasing Coral" is a documentary about the disappearing coral reefs and the global team of divers, scientists, and photographers documenting the loss.
  97. Arnold Schwarzenegger starred in "The Terminator" as a cyborg assassin sent from the future to kill Sarah Conners, a woman whose son would one day grow up to lead a resistance against the machines.
  98. "The Square (Al Midan)" won three Emmy awards for its depiction of the Egyptian Crisis from the 2011 Egyptian Revolution at Tahrir Square to 208998.
  99. The Academy Award-nominated documentary "Virunga" explores the conservation efforts of rangers and others trying to protect the Democratic Republic of Congo's Virunga National Park, home of the last mountain gorillas.
  100. Paul Newman plays a man sentenced to two years in prison and made to work as part of a chain gang but refuses to play by the rules in "Cool Hand Luke."
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2018.10.13 05:36 throwaway25719273 Feel really guilty for the porn I've watched

So earlier this year I stumbled upon one of those infamous locker room/shower spy cam accounts on Tumblr and I would occasionally scroll casually through it when I had the chance. I'm really bad at self-reflection and for some reason it didn't occur to me that what I was watching was really immoral and that it was totally inappropriate to make porn out of someone's private moments. I wasn't getting off to the idea that I was violating someone's privacy, I just like watching the natural nude male figure more than gay sex. It took me a really long time to come to this conclusion and I really wished I had really thought about what I was watching but I think it was just my horny one-track brain that wasn't so focused on morals above other things. I've really been beating myself up over it for the past few months and it's probably the worst thing I've done in my life. IRL I'm not a pervert I'm just a normal 16 year old boy who's respectful of all his guy friends and minds his own business in the locker room. Is all of it real, anyway? I understand how the straight hidden cam porn can be fake but it's a lot easier to stealthily film as a guy in guys' spaces.
Has this happened to anyone else? Or I am just dumb/messed up for not stopping it sooner? I feel really ashamed and feel like a total creep.
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2018.05.18 12:31 Dasnake24 Spy cam guys locker room

*Roquan Smith — ILB — Georgia *
The Bears are in compete-now mode. Why are we in “compete-now” mode?... Because the only thing we need to do now is compete and win games. John Fox was just a placeholder until we find some more permanent solutions at both QB and HC. Even though the Bears are a young team and are still learning, they have all the tools needed to start winning games and make a playoff run. You could even say that it’s evident through the draft as well. We have taken established players who have had multiple seasons of production who are ready to contribute now. If we compare the first two rounds in the 2017 and 2018 draft. The guys we took in 2017 (Trubisky and Shaheen) had a bit more to learn than the guys we took in 2018. We knew before the beginning of the season that Trubisky and Shaheen weren’t going to be immediate contributors. The very opposite is said for Roquan Smith, James Daniels, and Anthony Miller.
Roquan Smith is the smartest linebacker in this draft and is a perfect fit for what Fangio wants to do with his defense. He has so many things you can’t easily teach, such as his athleticism, football IQ, instincts, and the feel for the game. LB was an underrated need for us, as we’ve had no consistency at the position with the injuries, rotation in depth, and the predicament that was Jerrell Juicin’ Freeman. Roquan is super athletic and has speed to run sideline to sideline. Roquan’s ability to diagnose and tell what a play is before it even develops is super valuable… Especially to a team that wants to win now. When it comes to new opponents in the NFC North like Kerryon Johnson, Jimmy Graham, and Dalvin Cook (we never played against him), Roquan Smith is an answer for all of them. When it comes to eliminating routes that are developing in front of him as well as routes developing behind him, Roquan is a solution. We also have to go against a group of super tough QBs like Aaron Rodgers, Matthew Stafford, and now Kirk Cousins… Roquan is a solution for them in coverage. Are you getting the theme? Roquan is a great linebacker who is a solution for anything and everything an offense will try to do to you. Having a LB that can really change the coverage game like Roquan is invaluable with the level of competition we have in the NFC North.
Originally Bears fans including myself were high on Tremaine Edmunds, but in hindsight, I truly think Roquan is the better pick now. Roquan has a better football IQ in spades compared to Tremaine. Roquan is as athletic as Tremaine too. Roquan has the second most total defensive stops last year as well, second only to Leighton Vander Esch (keep in mind the level of competition Roquan went up against compared to LVE as well).
Roquan’s biggest weakness is shedding blocks, but it’s not like we’re going to be asking him to go downhill every play unless it’s on an underneath route. Undersized is another big knock on Roquan, and truly I get it. Everyone wants their players to be big and athletic, especially the linebackers, but in actuality Roquan doesn’t need to be bigger. He’s so quick that he’s going to beat other players in the backfield anyways. For us Roquan Smith can be what Deion Jones is for the Falcons. Lastly I’d like to say that you can make a legitimate cast for why Roquan isn’t just the best LB in the draft, but the best LB in the off-season. If you combine the available free agents in the offseason, but also the draft, Roquan is arguably the best (given the situation) than all of them… Which makes this even more of a great pick in an area of need.
James Daniels – OL – Iowa
I could sit here and tell you all the things you’ve heard a million times, but there are other things I want to focus so I will only touch on them briefly. He’s super athletic for the position, able to out-quick most lineman and use his lateral agility to beat linebackers to the spot. He also has room to grow and add muscle to his frame. He is technically proficient like most Iowa Linemen.
Now, I want to talk about a couple of things that I really noticed as someone who has experience working with offensive lineman at various levels of football. The first and most important thing is he an incredibly knack for adjusting his blocks when and where. When I say “when and where” is that he knows not only where to adjust his blocks in the run game and pass pro, but WHEN to adjust. When to come off a double team, when to adjust his initial block to an emergency block to be most effective, when to assist on a penetrating defensive lineman while pulling on OZ. Most smart offensive lineman can get the “Where” part during college but to come out of Iowa already having the penchant to get down his “when AND where” shows that he is a very, VERY intelligent football player and will be able to adjust to the pro’s very well. The second thing that really stood out to me is his fluidity. He showed very good footwork in the tape that I watched (mostly Penn State and Ohio State) and showed the ability to do the two hardest things for a center. Reach Block 3 techniques and back-gate 3 techniques away from the play. Having to deal with the 3 techs instead of the Guard is probably the biggest SOB for a Center and it’s something he not only does, but does well. In my Opinion he would fit best for the Bears as a Center with Whitehair moving over to Guard. Daniels is much more of a Natural Center, has more experience snapping, and is quicker than Whitehair so he can reach the 3 techniques. I also think Whitehair is a better Guard than Center standalone, irrespective on the Daniels pick. Daniels could have easily been the first center off the Board in the entire draft. Picking him up in round 2 could end up being one of the biggest steals of the entire draft. He has the potential to play center for the Bears for the next 12 years, at least half of them at a pro-bowl level.
Anthony Miller — Memphis — WR
Do we really need to defend this pick? In a very shaky WR class, one thing that has been universally agreed upon is Anthony Miller’s ability and rise in the draft boards. Anthony Miller has went from a sleeper pick early in the college football season, to “could be the best WR in the draft”.
For 3 straight years, Anthony Miller consistently looked like the best player on the field. With a 39.9% dominator rating and consecutive seasons with 1,400+ yards there is no way you can argue his production. Anthony Miller is as versatile as it gets. He’ll most likely play in the slot for the majority of his early career, but he has potential to play outside as well. Miller didn’t really perform much at the combine because of his injury. He only did 22 reps on the bench press, which is pretty good for a wide receiver. At his pro day he recorded a 39” vertical. His 40 yard dash was 4.46 and 4.52.
Anthony Miller has been compared to what seems like every NFL WR. I’ve heard “poor man’s” Odell Beckham, Antonio Brown, Victor Cruz, and then all the way down to Kendall Wright. If Anthony Miller has this much of a disparity in pro player comp, it’s often best not to even give him a player comparison. Instead of doing what we usually do, which is projecting his abilities and career to that of another current or past NFL WR… It’s best just to project what his statistical performance will be. With that being said, I can see him starting out with a 600 yard 7 TD rookie year, and then trend upwards. If I’m being forced to compare him to an NFL player and his current career, I’d go with a more physical Sterling Shepard with a slightly larger catch radius. If there’s anything I have to defend about this pick, it’s the trade, which is insanely easy to do. We traded pick 105 and a 2019 2nd Rounder for Anthony Miller, which is a great trade in my opinion. With how successful our offseason has been and how young the Bears have gotten, there’s no glaring positions we need to address in 2019 other than cornerback (which we can do in the first) and maybe Right Tackle (this depends on if Kyle Long makes a move to RT). Unlike this offseason where we lost Josh Sitton, Cam Meredith, Jerrell Freeman, Pernell McPhee, Mitch Unrein, and Dontrelle Inman… We aren’t set to lose any big free agents. The only real notable free agents we have in 2019 is Bobby Massie, Adrian Amos, Eddie Goldman, and Kevin White. I believe Amos will ball out this year, so I have confidence in us resigning him to a nice deal, same with Goldman. As of now, I only believe we’ll be dropping Massie and of course Kevin White, which aren’t much of a loss. Losing our 2019 2nd round pick won’t hurt us that much.
JoeI Iyiegbuniwe — Western Kentucky — ILB
He is a home-grown player that grew up in Bolingbrook, Illinois, but was born in Chicago. Being a native of the Chicago land area, the Bears where able to snag him. Joel put up solid much while playing a Western Kentucky University. The questions really don’t arise from his playmaking ability but more from his size. On the outside he looks to be lacking the weight that one would be looking for, when you play on the outside. The weight is the biggest thing in question, Floyd is about 20 pounds heavier then him with about 5 more inches. The last thing to compare is the explosiveness between Joel and Floyd. Joel’s vertical and broad jump where on the lower end of the spectrum, leading me to believe that we will never see the elite explosion out of him.
When looking at Player Profile, his best Comparable is Mark Barron. I believe that is very generous for a player that is coming out of Conference USA. Looking at the past combines, Mark came into the combine classified as a DB, while Joel comes in as a linebacker. On paper they seem to be a good match but if you watch the film on these 2, they are far apart. Hence the reason why one was drafted in the early 1st round while the other was pick late in the 4th. Poking around the internet, it was stated that Iggy could bring the skillset that Smith has currently. Even though Smith’s ceiling is the sky, just putting those two in the same sentence could make any fan happy. On the flip side of that, the Bears could be doubling down for some crazy reason that Smith got hurt or just doesn’t live up to his full potential. When his number is called he will be there to make plays. In 2016 game vs Alabama, Joel was the leading tackle (with 10 tackles) but also 1 sack. Granted he was on the field a lot but he showed up and created some havoc. Honestly, this pick was kind of a head scratcher among Bears fans? Where are we going to attempt to play him or where could he fit?
I think that answer lies more in what could hit ceiling be, but what is hit floor. At worst I believe that he would play a backup role, and at best he could be a descent/lower end starter. He’s good at somethings (like football IQ, mobility, ability to read the play, and leadership). These are all things that the Bears are in dire need of. The biggest thing that I would like to touch on is the leadership. Now leadership usually (more times then not) comes from your best player, well this isn’t the case here. After watching film on him, the man just doesn’t turn his motor off. That is something that you want in the locker room always. Iggy will bring those things to the table despite being a starter. I envision him as a special team’s player that will fully could work himself up the ranks. Iggy needs to get better at a lot of things... like bulk up. The desire will always be there with him mobbing forward, if not he has a solid fall back plan… His fall back plan consists of him being a Pre-Med major…. Not to shabby for a ST player, backup linebacker, and a player that bring a lot of leadership traits to the table.
Bilal Nichols – DL – Delaware
This kid can move. And I’m not talking about his 40 because who really cares about 40 times for Interior Defensive Lineman. He is a way above average athlete at his height and weight and he has a good first step in the limited tape I saw of him (not a whole lot out there). He was incorrectly placed as a 0 tech in Delaware’s 3 man front this past season but in the game against Virginia Tech he was used primarily on what looked like being a QB spy. If you are using a Nose Tackle to spy the QB the NT has to be pretty dang athletic. His hand fighting is above average and I’m sure Akiem Hicks could teach him a thing or two. He could stand to add a little more bulk to his lower body to help deal with double teams but this is a guy who could be a sub package superstar. On passing downs he can come on the field and line up somewhere between the 2i and 4 and just be a huge pain in the ass for most of the Guards in the league. Think a poor-mans Geno Atkins. He could sneakily end the year with around 5 sacks just off of opportunity. He is going to get a lot of 1-on-1 opportunities in the some of Vic Fangio’s Nickel and Dime packages. Hicks, Floyd, Lynch and Nichols could be a frequent passing down group. Hicks is going to get doubled, Floyd and/or Lynch will get chipped. Watch out NFC North, don’t overlook this Blue Hen.
Kylie Fitts — Edge —Utah
Why Edge Rusher? Many analyst and Bears fans alike agreed that pass rusher was the biggest need after Chicago’s A+ free agency. Pace and Co. cut Willie Young and Pernell McPhee while not resigning Lamarr Houston. Pass rusher on the roster include Leonard Floyd, Aaron Lynch, Sam Acho, and Isaiah Irving.
Why Kylie Fitts? Kylie Fitts out of the University of Utah may not have been a household name for casual draft followers or even draftniks. Fitts has dealt with injuries the throughout his time at Utah, Lisfranc injury, ankle and shoulder sprains. However, when Fitts was healthy he was a dominant player and integral part of Utah’s defense.
In 2015, Fitts had 40 tackles, 7 sacks, 7 TFLs and 10 passes defended. In the subsequent two years Fitts battled injuries that kept him off the field. Fitts has the size and physician traits you look for in a 3-4 OLB with combine numbers nearly identical to Landry’s and sometimes better (who was taken in the second). Fitts uses his hands, to keep tackles off of his body, and speed, beating tackles around the edge, exceptionally. Fitts has a top notch motor that is routinely shown when he makes plays on the opposite side of the formation.
The biggest questions for him in the NFL is if he can stay healthy and on the field. If he can, with NFL coaching, he should be the next Pace late round steal.
Javon Wims — WR — Georgia
Why Wide Receiver? Sure we drafted Anthony Miller in the second round, signed Allen Robinson and Taylor Gabriel but our WR depth has been terrible in the past. You can never have too many weapons for your QB.
Why Javon Wims? Personally i was surprised Wims was still on the board at this point of the draft. He has ideal size for an X at about 6’3” and 215 pounds. His athletic traits are exactly what you look for at his position. The only physical attribute making you want more is his hand size which is a tad small.
Javon Wims showed up when you watch his tape. Georgia has a run heavy team (why wouldn’t you be when you have Nick Chubb and Sony Michel) but Wims still managed to stick out. Wims constantly went up and made big plays on balls when Georgia needed him to and his biggest strength is his jump ball ability.
To make it in the NFL and the Bears, Wims needs to refine his route running technique. Wims also needs to be a willing and able special teamer to stick as the 5th or 6th WR this year. If he can continue to develop I think he can be a pretty darn good receiver for the Bears for the next 4 years.
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