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2020.09.19 03:57 guntergrassinmypipe Xxx camera sex
I had a horrible experience last night.
Well, and, the weeks leading up to it were pretty bad too. It all started when I got a DM on my meme page. Rosalina. 356 followers. 3 following. 0 posts. Private account. I opened it.
“Hi, I know this is an odd message to get, but I’m looking for a sugar baby. I will pay you $600 weekly if you take your time and keep me busy. I’m mostly just looking for someone to talk to because I’m lonely. If the first week is what I’m looking for, then I’ll start giving you more. Sound good?”
$600 a week. $31,000. I only make $12,000 a year now with all the classes I’m taking. I got a nervous flutter in my stomach, like I had found a mysterious briefcase full of money in the middle of nowhere. Like she was actively waiting for my response, almost watching me through the white screen, but not saying anything until I took the bait. I requested to follow her and mulled it over once more. $600 a week is more than I could ask for, basically a saving grace. I went for it.
“Uh, yeah I can do that. What do you wanna talk about?”
She replied an instant later.
“Wyd.” I asked. A very compelling and carefully crafted question.
“At my grandparents house playing cornhole. You know those cornhole boards go for $80? I’m thinking about making them for some extra income.”
“That’s nothing babe. You can buy all the cornhole boards you want now.”
“Haha I guess you’re right.”
“Text me babe. (xxx)xxx-xxxx”
I checked her profile. Still hadn’t accepted my request. I had a dark thought that this was all a scam, which it certainly could be. For all I know, there could be a saggy, wrinkly faced old man with sunken eyes and heavy bags, key lit by a phone screen talking to me. Probably in a dark messy room with stained beige carpet, and missing sections of wall that revealed the lathe. But no way an old man could get a follow ratio like that. Only women could pull that off. With no photos either, just a plump round behind in the profile picture.
“I’ll text u when I get home.” I said
I was messaging her on the stairs. I really was at my grandparents house playing cornhole, and here I was selfishly being a sugar baby. Not once have I ever thought about or fantasized about being a sugar baby. My sister and her boyfriend walked up to me.
“Whatcha doing brother?”
“Nothing” I said, “some lady is trying to get me to be her sugar baby.”
“Whatttt. Nuh uh.” she said
“Yuh huh.” I said, “she wants to pay me $600 a week just to talk to her.”
My sister’s face twisted.
“Hmmm. What do you think Ava would think of it?”
her boyfriend let out a little laugh
I hadn’t even thought of that. What a shitty boyfriend I was. Ava would probably not like it, and I wouldn’t try and hide something like that. Because if she found out it would seem highly suspicious. Most people equate sugar baby to sex. But Rosalina did say all she wanted to do was talk.
“Oh yeah.” I said, “Well nevermind. This seems like a bad idea.”
“I wish I could find a sugar mama.”
My sister reflexively turned and slapped her boyfriend.
“Ouch babe. Only if it was you, baby.” and they walked away.
I typed Rosalina’s number into my phone to call her and tell her I couldn’t do it. But after a few tones I panicked and hung up. Fuck, I thought. I’ll just DM her and then immediately block her. So I wrote a quick message: “Sorry, I understand your offer, but I don’t know how my girlfriend would feel about this, even if it was strictly platonic. Sorry again.” I hit send, and blocked her. She never accepted my follow request. And even though I blocked her, a new message came though.
And I thought that was the end of it.
When I got home I got a phone call from Rosalina. I forgot that I had rung her and didn’t block the number afterward. I blocked her and looked up the area code. Chicago.
After that strange things started happening. I got a random call from another Chicago number. I picked up out of sheer boredom and answered in an old lady’s voice.
“Hi.” I squeaked
“Man quit fucking with me.” he said jokingly
“You ugly as hell quit playing man.”
“Whaaat do yoooouuuu neeeed?”
“This Martin?” he asked
And I answered in my real voice.
“Nope. You got the wrong number bud.” and chuckled
“Aw shit. My bad.”
And he hung up.
I started to get a lot of random calls from people in Chicago. One time it was old lady, and she thought I was a friend of hers because I did the old lady voice, and we talked about her grandkid’s senior year in highschool. Another time it was a woman yelling and screaming about me cheating on her, and how I was using a fake voice to avoid her. Another time it was a child calling me to ask for a change of pants at school because he wet himself and everyone was laughing at him.
Then my neighbor started parking her matte black jetta in front of my driveway at night, next to the streetlamp. Blocking my driveway completely, and she only ever did it at night. During the day she parks it in her driveway. One morning I asked her why she was doing it, and she looked at me nasty.
“Don’t talk to me.” she said, and jogged away with her dog.
These little stressors were getting to me. Just mundane, inconvenient occurrences. At least I could find a way to make a good time out of the phonecalls, but what if I had to go to the hospital some night, and my neighbor’s car was in the driveway and I forgot, and hit it while backing out? It was just uncool. And the thing is, it REALLY started to drive me crazy, and I’ll explain why. When I first moved in I had these awesome, fully functional wooden french blinds, the kind with long horizontal slats that flip open or closed by pulling on a string. And on the first night my cat cut one of the strings. So the bottom half of the blinds in my bedroom won’t close. They just dangle open like the spine was ripped straight out of them. So when I lay in bed I can see out of the window and across the street.
My driveway is quite long, so it’s very dark from my house to the street, and the streetlight had already been bothering me. Sometimes I can’t close my eyes all the way when they’re fully relaxed, I think it has to do with me taking my contacts out before bed (I get one day lenses). They open slightly and I have to consciously force them closed, which makes it harder to fall asleep. And I can see the damn streetlight. And I can’t sleep on my other side because I have a bad shoulder from a climbing injury, and if I sleep on it I’ll wake up in the middle of the night in extreme pain. And the only way I can stop it is to hold my arm straight up for a few minutes until it goes away. But now that my GODDAMN NEIGHBOR PARKS HER CAR IN FRONT OF MY DRIVEWAY, her car reflects the street lamp and there are two lights now. I lie in bed and it takes forever to fall asleep because I just end up looking at these lights in the darkness.
So one night when I couldn’t sleep, I got my slim jim (a tool for opening cars through the gap in the window and door, I got it off amazon with a lock picking kit) and was gonna go move her car myself. I figured her fab was close enough since she didn’t have much of a yard and I could start it with the ignition button. I was gonna move it no matter what. I imagined getting a bulldozer from a development down the street and crushing her car to a pulp. (Most of the time the ignition for heavy machinery can be fooled with a flathead screwdriver) But as I got to the top of the driveway her car wasn’t blocking there. It was all nestled up in her driveway. I had been so angry about the stupid lights that just assumed both of them were there, so my brain connected the dots and I saw the other light. It was 3 am. I was tired.
I went to sleep and pulled the sheets over my head, and SHE MOVED HER CAR BACK. I don’t know how or why, but sure enough I could see two little balls of light haloed through the stitching.
After school the next day I came home and caught my neighbor outside.
“Hey,” I said
“Don’t fucking talk to me.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t know what I did to you.”
“I know your game. You created a ruse so that you could get in with me, and now you’re watching me every night.”
“I, uhhh, what?”
“You made up the car thing so you could talk to me. Well don’t talk to me.”
I was taken aback. This bitch is crazy. I got mad.
“YOU’VE been parking YOUR car in front of MY driveway. EVERY FUCKING NIGHT.”
She looked stunned.
“Are you freaking psycho? My car has been broken down, asshole. Go fuck yourself and don’t talk to me.”
Astonished, I pulled into my driveway.
The audacity of that woman. She must’ve had some secret to hide. Why would she so vehemently deny something undeniable? Again, random calls and a lying neighbor are not the worst things, an inconvenience at worst. But the name calling, the utter arrogance of that woman, the fact I couldn’t sleep, and the phone calls were all adding up, and the weird thing is the calls started coming from St. Louis. I picked up the first call normally because I expected the buttdials to come from Chicago.
A teenage guy was on the other end.
“Yo we ready.” he said
“For what?” I asked
“Come by like we said.”
“Wait, say, what’s your name?”
I told him my real name, an in-the-moment accident, “Bob Suede.”
“Fuck you whoever you is.”
His tone changed immediately.
“Baton Rouge ass, ugly ass ‘BoB-Bi SwAdE’ ass boy.”
And he hung up.
That was the first time anyone had recognized the error in my area code. But the guy must’ve known that I was from Baton Rouge before he called. The calls from Chicago were one thing, because somehow it was all correlated with Rosalina. I only started getting them after I blocked her number, but now they were coming from St. Louis. So she must’ve had connections somewhere in the cellular communications industry, how I don’t know. Usually it would be telemarketers and not random people.
Then I got another call from St. Louis. This time it was a woman, and she was sobbing.
“WHHHYYYYY? How could you do this? HOW COULD YOU!”
And she let out a horrible wail, crying loudly and making mucusy noises.
“Ma’m,” I replied “I don’t know who you are but you need to calm down and tell me your name.”
“YOU KNOW WHO I AM YOU FUCKING LIAR.”
Another long wail, followed by more gurgling and wet tears.
“Ma’am please calm down. You called the wrong number. I’ve been getting-”
“WHY WOULD YOU KILL MY BABY. my little baby!” Now she was shrieking, letting out the most horrific scratches, and erupted, “I’M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU AND PUT YOUR ASS IN JAIL BOB!”
How in the hell…
She was huffing now, heavy and on the verge of hyperventilating.
She screamed and I Imagined a frighteningly skinny, beady eyed woman on the other end, face wet and slimy with snot and tears, the end of her phone almost in her mouth.
She let out a final declaration, “AHHHHHHGGGG”
And hung up.
In the stress of the phone call I had dug my short fingernails quite far into my palm, and it was purple and pierced with little crimson indentations. How did she know my name though? Bob is a pretty common name I suppose, but it seemed too good of an explanation to be true.
The strange calls kept coming, but the interval between them increased. A few days went by and I still couldn’t get any sleep. My pathological liar and nuisance of a neighbor kept parking her car in front of my driveway. My shoulder still ached. I got a facemask and this helped a little. But I still had the urge to peek underneath it and stare at the lights, just to make sure they were there. And I was mad too. I was fixated on them. Two floating blobs of light, a couple inches apart, highlighting leaves, wavering. Surrounded by darkness. Fuck her.
I started to get calls from Memphis, one guy was running from the police and begging me to come save him. A trans hooker tried to convince me to snort blow off her nipples. A kid called and asked me to walk to Tom Lee river park, to which I replied “I don’t live by Tomb Lee riverpark, I live next to Parkview Park.”
Which was true. And he said,
“See ya Mr. Brown.”
And hung up. Fucking weird shit. I certainly didn’t have caller ID for my phone. As for the lights, I got one of those hunting cameras that has an automatic trigger and set it up at the end of my driveway, to prove to my neighbor that she was insane.
The next day I got a call from Jackson Mississippi, and now I’m scared. It was the lady from before, bawling her eyes out. Blubbering through mucus and slop.
“Listen lady. I don’t know how you got my number or my name but I DON’T KNOW YOU.”
“YOOOUUU KILLLLLLED MY BABBBBYYYYY.” she screamed. She sounded like she was simultaneously being shredded apart by a bear, or running from a murderer yelling for help. Any number of dark, twisted things. The images I imagined were horrible. A fat, plump woman, blouse wet with tears and stuck to her skin, her saggy breasts covered in blood, a grey veiny baby in a crib. Her horrible sobbing, her soaking face, runny with makeup and excretions, a trembling, convulsing mouth shrieking into the end of the phone.
I fumbled to end the call, my screen protector making it impossible to press the red button. In the scramble I heard her yell one last, barely coherent thing: “I’M COM-? SU?DE!”
Committing what? Coming Suede? No. Couldn’t be. She said she was committing suicide. Her baby died or she was crazy. It’s my lack of sleep and that sugar mom lady put my number on a spam call list, or she posted my number to instagram and had her followers call me. She only knows people in a certain range. From Chicago and down south. Lots of people happen to have family spread out along the Mississippi River. Grandparents in the north and grandparents in the south, and all their kids spread in between.
I need to sleep, I thought. And I couldn’t have made a worse decision.
Before I went to sleep, I turned the lights off and got on my laptop to check the hunting camera footage from the night before. I got a couple videos. One of a cat. Some sneaky possums. A homeless woman early in the morning. But no matte black jetta.
I felt a chill run down my spine. I felt a fluttering in my stomach.
I slowly closed the laptop and reluctantly peered through the hole in the blinds. The lights were there. Two of them.
Just to be sure that I wasn’t being an insane dickhead, and falsely accusing my neighbor on the basis of a reflection, I put in my contacts and checked.
What I saw was not two blobs of light. It was a woman’s eyes. Her face was pressed hard against the window. She was sobbing horribly and spattered mucus all over the glass.
“YOU KILLED MY BABBBBYYYYY” she yelled, and she slammed her phone against the window. It was Rosalina’s profile on instagram.
And then the glass cracked.
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2020.09.14 19:29 Boop108 Xxx sex camera
This article is chock full of film stills. If you would like to see the illustrated version click here.
The story of Adam and Eve has been told and retold, interpreted, and analyzed but what the scripture and the analyses leave out is the juicy visuals. After all the loving couple was naked and unashamed. The following is a comparison of three movies about the biblical duo that do not shy away from “physicality” of their narrative, and if I hear any giggling, you are going straight to the principle’s office.
Adam and Eve: The First Love Story
This first film is Italian and let me say it is a lot harder to resist a snake when he is whispering in Italian, “Eva, perché non assaggiare il frutto più delizioso del paradiso.” It was directed by Enzo Doria and Luigi Russo in 1983. The film provides enough titillation for everyone. Eve is beautiful, Adam is boy-band dreamy and when he wrestles his muscular male rival (yes, there is a rival) they tussle in their skimpy loincloths for quite awhile. There’s romantic lovemaking to an Olivia Newton John sound-alike song. There’s frantic humping amidst the boulders, and there’s even some uncomfortably sensuous dog wrestling if that is what you’re into.
The first part of the film stays close to the source material but as soon as they leave the Garden things get wacky. Almost immediately they are attacked by a badly made pterodactyl. It seems to be made of papier-mâché. They tear it apart and use the wings for clothing. Next, come the grimy cannibals in imitation furs. After they attack, Eve asks “ Where did they come from?” Thus foreshadowing several millennia of confusion among Christian scholars and apologists. Later, The couple is beset by ogres and finally a man in a cheap bear costume. It’s a rough world outside the gated community of Eden.
As one might expect Eve is a bit flighty and gets herself into a lot of trouble.
Adam comes off as a stable and righteous young man with full lips and a six-pack. After the expulsion, the two of them are separated and wander around aimlessly. Eve cheats on Adam with a man from a tribe that covers themselves in green mud and run around grunting. Eve doesn’t seem to mind that he doesn’t speak Italian, so she washes him off and has him right there by the river.
As Adam wanders the earth it becomes clear, in a long montage of lonesome wide shots, that he is in the Grand Canyon. I’m guessing the directors of the film were not Mormon, but the Church of Later Day Saints could certainly use this film for educational purposes. To be fair the Mormons believe that the Garden of Eden was in Missouri so Adam would have to wander quite a ways to end up in Arizona.
Adam and Eve eventually reunite, stroll through Sequoia National Park and end up in the arctic somewhere. Maybe things were different with plate movement and Pangea and all that. They build an igloo and then suddenly grainy stock footage of glacial ice tumbling into the sea starts making them scream. They run around and end up on a sunny beach somewhere. Eve gives birth to Able, and the movie ends with the proud parents looking shaken but hopeful while Eve holds Able up to the sunrise.
The Sin of Adam and Eve
In the beginning, God created a lot of fuzzy stock footage of nature scenes. Then he dubbed in a solemn narrator reciting from Genesis. We are introduced to The Garden and find a very beefy Adam who is emerging from the dust. Adam springs to life and immediately takes a siesta (this is a Mexican production). His nap is marred by a nightmare in which he wrestles snakes and eagles and then it's over to stock footage of lions fighting, shrews eating worms, and ants killing each other. Adam awakes from his slumber and invents English or at least an English dub track to lay over the Spanish one. Then he watches grainy stock footage of a sunrise.
This film takes itself a bit more seriously than Adam and Eve: The First Love Story. This production, The Sin of Adam and Eve, was made in Mexico by Miguel Zacarías in 1969. Spanish Catholicism was always a bit more dire than the Italian version. Check out these two crosses, one from Italy one from Mexico.
Back in the Garden of Eden, Adam is introduced to Eve. He shows her around the place and then teaches her to eat a banana, but not the paper Ray Comfort way. If you are not familiar with Mr. Comfort he was the guy who famously proved the existence of God with a banana. He simply held up the phallic fruit and showed how perfectly it fit into his hand, how easily it was peeled, and how it already pointed toward his mouth. This, he claimed was proof not only of intelligent design but of God’s love. Apparently, Ray had never seen a pineapple.
Then Eve takes her siesta and sees stock footage of a vicious fight between two horses. The narrator then says that she wakes “half satisfied.” I’m not sure what he means but Eve seems to be way ahead of Adam. She is vain, manipulative and kind of horny before an apple is even mentioned.
There’s a lot of nonsensical sayings mixed in with the narrated Bible passages. As Eve holds Adam’s eyes open so she can see her own reflection in them, the narrator explains “Man begins by loving woman and ends by loving love. Woman begins by loving love and ends by loving man.”
After they are cast out of the garden it gets really boring. Adam and Eve are separated and they just wander around all muddy and forlorn yelling each other's name. Eventually, they find each and the movie ends.
It's not easy working with the Bible as source material. If you try to fit the story of Adam and Eve into a typical hero’s journey structure it doesn’t work very well. Imagine if a typical hero’s journey film like Harry Potter tried to incorporate the same structure as Genesis. Dumbledore tells Harry not to go into the Forbidden Forest. Harry goes in anyway and so Dumbledore expels Harry from Hogwarts and damns all humankind to an eternity of suffering, the end. It just doesn’t have the same appeal. The sequel would be where Harry and Ginny repopulate the earth with their progeny only to have Dumbledore wipe them all out in a worldwide flood.
Adam and The Six Eves
The last entry into this comparison avoids all these difficult plot points by seemly disregarding the source material entirely. The premise for this film, if you can call it a premise, or a film, is that a man named Adam is wandering through the desert looking for gold. He is accompanied by his wise crackin’ donkey who narrates the whole thing. Only the audience hears the narration and it is a nonstop onslaught of horrible one-liners. Folksy treasures like, “The only thing his head was good for was somethin’ to hang his face on.” Or “It was so hot that the gophers were goin’ around with their coats unbuttoned” Some of them were just strange, “He didn’t get that fat from eatin’ he must of run into the wind with a funnel in his mouth.”
This is actually part of a nudie cutie staple. For the uninitiated, a “nudie cutie” is a softer version of the soft-core sexploitation genre. There’s no sex in a “nudie cutie” just lots of nude ladies prancing around to a paper-thin plot. My personal favorite of the genre is Nude On The Moon from 1961 where astronauts find a beautiful country club full of happy naked moon-people who happen to be identical to humans, well some humans, young California humans, with some silicone thrown in. Basically, the “nudie cutie” films were glorified stripteases. Ed Wood made one where each stripper was a zombie performing an interpretive dance about how she died, great stuff.
Without a plot some of these sort of films incorporated Z-list comedians doing stand up to fill in for the lack of a script. The question here is whether you prefer the donkey’s jokes like “We should have named him Sputnick since he was always running in circles” or silence.
So what does all this have to do with Adam and Eve? Not much, until a strange sort of subtext starts to surface. While wandering in the desert Adam stumbles across an oasis inhabited by six scantily clad beauties. The donkey comments, “I don't know who designed their outfits, but he should have been put in charge of government spending."
They dance for Adam and feed him dates but he is torn between them and the gold. Adam seems to have an almost childlike innocence. He watches the girls tempting dances but just smiles. He makes no advances. He watches for a while and then renews his search for the gold. Again the Donkey comments, “What got me mad was the way Adam would quit work to chase the girls but then when he caught them he forgot what he was chasin’ them for.”
It's a curious reworking of Genesis. Adam is distracted from temptation by another temptation. Will it be sex or money? Lust or loot? One by one each woman tries to seduce him but while he smiles and enjoys their beauty, he just giggles and waves. Could it be a meditation on the impotence of capitalism where the desire for human connection is subverted by greed? Seems doubtful, but for all its puerile stupidity Adam and the Six Eves manages to stumble onto larger issues.
The “film was made by John Wallis in 1962. The original was in 3D which explains the close-up shots of boobs that lean into the camera.
The sexual politics of the three films is a little more varied than one might expect. As for the male gaze in the first two films, it is certainly present but the naked and eroticized body of Adam is given equal time on screen. The narratives presented by the first two contain the same misogyny as the original text. Eve is a maladjusted, immature, woman who is poor Adam’s downfall. However in the last film, even with a hefty dose of the male gaze, Adam is depicted as a fool unable to keep up with the cunning wisdom of the Eves. Adam is the alienated every-man unable to navigate a pornographic society that offers him conflicting modes of gratification but nothing of substance. He is so beset by the illusion of plenty generated by society he is stupefied into inaction. Its the stupidest of all three films but Adam And The Six Eves resonates with modern economics and social theory in a way that the other two films do not.
If the producers of these films wanted to really titillate their audiences, the next section of the Bible could have easily been made into raging, XXX, porn, sequel. Its page after page of begetting. “Come see Mahalaleel beget Sarah in more ways than one! Hold on tight while Enoch and Lamech steam up the garden!”
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2020.09.01 17:47 IdolA1Sepl Popular Bla-ck Ghe-tto Bo-oty Po-rn Dw
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