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Pat Hardison was given a 50-50 chance of surviving the surgery but it was a risk he was willing to take to feel normal again. -- SUBSCRIBE to ABC NEWS: https... What sex can teach us about the past. The documents, clues and artefacts from our past, are helping form cultural norms of the future. Part 3 of our History of Sex series. wow! i remember my high school dayz.... oh but anyway...the pat on the back was nothing! A friendly way of saying bye. As for this girl who is a senior and think she is all that - she is dumb and immature...why get so upset over a pat on the back...the girl is obviously jealous of you...she sees you as a threat...dont worry about her ... if she really had balls she wld have said something to ... Ultimate HARDSTOP LUCAS Vine Compilation | Funny Hardstop Lucas Vines & Instagram Videos 2013 - 2019 - Duration: 1:03:23. AlotVines 2 Recommended for you 1:03:23 Definition of pat on the back in the Idioms Dictionary. pat on the back phrase. What does pat on the back expression mean? Definitions by the largest Idiom Dictionary. ... The industry can give itself a little pat on the back for the positive moves it has made to help towards its own recovery. Note: You can also say that one person pats another ... According to Streetdirectory.com, a back pat during a hug represents either being uncomfortable or a desire to end the hug; the bigger the pat, the more uncomfortable someone is. According to Changing Minds and Study-Body-Language.com, a back pat represents a desire to end a hug or a nonverbal signal to let go, especially during a longer hug. Upon entering the cold, dark silence of his bedroom, which the narrator compares to a tomb, Montag realizes that he is not, in fact, happy. His wife, Mildred, is stretched out as usual on her bed, with radio earplugs called "Seashells" filling her ears with sound.Montag accidentally steps on an empty bottle of sleeping pills on the floor and remembers that the bottle had contained 30 pills ... a pat on the back - Examples: 1) ... been a long, grueling decade of suffering for Oiler fans who deserve a pat on the back for sticking by their team, despite being a futile, basement-dweller. 2) But he should also give himself and his mother a pat on the back for not wasting the opportunities given to them. 3) I would take five minutes every day to give myself a pat on the back for ... Just because we’re big-shot leaders doesn’t mean that we don’t need the soul-rush of a good pat on the back once in a while, or an earnest gesture of appreciation. I don’t care who you are, or what your position is, it’s nice to be recognized for the good work you are doing. Summary and Analysis Part 1 - The Hearth and the Salamander Summary. In the first part of Fahrenheit 451, the character Guy Montag, a thirty-year-old fireman in the twenty-fourth century (remember that the novel was written in the early 1950s) is introduced.In this dystopian (dreadful and oppressive) setting, people race "jet cars" down the roads as a way of terminating stress, "parlor walls ...

2020.09.29 09:01 xrisad A pat in a back would really help 😣 part 1

Haha I'm fucked up ng sobra 😂 tang ina puro mood swings ako kasi nag yoyo ang insecurities ko at overthinking.
Im 28 [M] living in Manila and patuloy na kinikikilala ang sarili. Fuck all of the eyes na nag judge pero mas pipiliin ko mgpaka totoo kasi I really need to vent this fucking one out.
I grew up straight. Nagka gfs, flings, ons. I was a fucking horndog back then pero wala nakakaalam na may kulo ako sa loob 😅 mas kilala akong matino, good boy image, matalino and all that shit. I mean totoo naman pero tinago ko talaga pagiging malibog ko. Nood porn, pillow fuck, literoticas lahat ata I was in deep euphoria of attaining the feeling of masarap labasan puta orgasms pa. It elevated to one day nalasing ako sa bar pero nagalaw ako ng isang guy. I was really fucking drunk di ako makalaban pero nung na BJ na nya ako naramdaman ko yung sarap tas di nako lumaban kasi umamin ako na masarap pala kahit lalaki.
Turning point: nag evolve ata libog ko para akong sex machine na halos lahat ata papatusin makamit lang ung sarap. I never really dwelled so much on my preferences kasi sa totoo lang libog lang hanap ko and if ever na mainlove ako sa babae talaga gusto ko hindi naman ako na aattract sa kapwa lalaki kasi gusto ko makapag relationship ba. Ewan eh basta ganun tlga nararamdaman ko. So ayun nga kainitan ng new evolved kalibugan ko lahat ata pinapatos ko fubu babae, trip sa lalaki. Tbh hindi ako nakiki pag penetration sa lalaki kasi iba ung gusto ko? Kink ba or what pero kasi dominante kasi tlga ako maybe gusto ko yung feeling na dino dominate kita na vavalidate yung sense of entitlement ko na kaya ko magdala, I just to edging or jerk off pero nang titease ako to a point na may nagmamakaawa na kasi gusto na mag palabas sobrang turn on sakin ung itsura ng libog na libog na tapos ako may control kung kelan. Hindi ko masabing top ako kasi di naman ako kumakantot ng lalaki pwetan pa pwede pero insertion pass.
Alam ko tlga sa sarili ko libog lang habol ko, hindi kasi tlga ako na inlove sa mga naka trip ko kumbaga sa iba parang kantot kalimot vibes.
Pero things took a different turn? (read the story further for full context)
Sobrang gulong gulo ako kasi last year may nakilala ako online kasi laman ako ng mga fb groups bago pa man sumikat ung letseng plantdemic at plant tito tita na yan matagal nadin ako nag hahalaman mga 2 yrs ago pa? Last year lang ako ng decide na mag elevate ng caring routine para gumanda pa halaman ko.
BTW, He is a guy (OFW) out of casual interest kasi siya ung the go to guy kapag gusto mo matuto sa halaman sya talaga nilalapitan.
Nagchat ako sakanya asking about the initial care of the plant kasi ung plant group na sinalihan ko eh enthusiasts sya for a certain plant. He is friendly tas ng click kami? Alam mo yung feeling mo bestfriend mo sya pero 1st day pa lang kami nagkakausap? Tang ina ang passionate, he was giving me infos and details tas ako naman hanggang hanga kasi ang galing ba? Never pako na kakilala ng taong ganung ka passionate sa hobby tas Nakaka inspire na ako din sana maging kagaya nya one day. Days turns into weeks at ganun padin pag uusap namin tungkol sa halaman kasi dami ko gusto matutunan talaga, as weeks goes by navavalidate din ung feeling na close kayo tas para talagang bestfriend ko sya pero never ko pa sya nakilala? Some will call it parang soulmate feels? Alam mo ung pakiramdam na parang nagkakilala na kayo before? He feels exactly the same way pareho kami ng sinabi na saang lupalop ba kami ng mundo ipinanganak at bat hindi pa nun kami nagkita? Introvert guy ako so kahit may ganun kaming connection I was still hesitant to show myself to him kasi ganun tlga ako mkpg kilala sa online I use a fake profile and no info about me ang mamikita mo not unless I trust you enough and slowly I will tell and show you who I am.
Potah excited eh kasi mutual feeling ba? Trato din nya kasi sakin is bestfriend na tas bakt daw parang ayaw ko pa magpakita and magpakilala at unfair daw sabi ng gago 😂 eh bakit ba comfort zone ko un. Sa sobrang close at passionate ko kasi malaman ung mga infos tungkol sa halaman we also ended up doing calls usap halaman padin, one day he ask if I want to come with him at virtual tour daw sa isang plant farm na favorite nyang puntahan lagi. Gagi syempre ako bago lang dun sa plant world na ginagalawan nya G ako, ofc d ako ngpapakita 😂 si nood lang ako and so un nga ang genuine lang nung connection namin kasi puro halaman lang lagi at passion tungkol sa halaman ang usapan. Few months went by naging normal samin ung kulitan, plant talks, kalog moments at video call na lagi basta halaman pero one day kinulit nya tlga ako na sana sa dami2 ng napag usapan namin at strong bond ba sana magpakilala na daw ako at magpakita. Which slowly I did, nakita nya ako at nakilala mas naging comfortable na kami sa isat isa kasi for the 1st time nagkita kami face to face.
And WTF, beyond all of those kalog moments, bestfriends, plant passion, I know for some reason nagkaroon bigla ng attraction on my side pota na attract ako sakanya at nakakagago kasi I really never felt like this before. Putang ina I know to myself straight ako. Ehh I would have find it annoying to know kung straight sya? You know what I mean kasi wala nmn ako intention so I also assume he is straight? I was getting confused pero tinago ko sa sarili ko kasi I was rationalizing kako bestfriend ko si gago baka naninibago lang ako sa closeness namin kasi ika ko nga I have never felt like this way before so lugar lugar lang ako kasi sayang din ung connection.
There came a time na busy na sya sa work since contact nmin is online lang kasi online best buds lang kami at di pa sya makauwi dito sa pinas, may time na silent period ba kasi busy tlga sya laging pagod kuno ganun? Tas ako chill lang kako andito lang ako take your time ba. Pero alam mo un deep down medyo namimiss ko sya kasi namimiss ko ung kulitan namin namimiss ko makakita ng magandang halaman kasi ung mga halaman na pinapkita nya wala pa sa pinas.
One strange day happened na aun after a toxic weeks he came back and talk ulit kasi may oras na ulit sya and naninibago ako saknya kasi it feels like may gusto syang itanong or palabasin? Na kesyo kelan na daw ba ako mag aasawa or makaka jowa or kesho single ba daw ba ako? At the back of my mind my gut feeling ako na gusto nya umamin? Kasi call me assuming but it felt like he was also attracted to me? Hindi ko alam syempre kasi I never asked him I just know based on how I had observed. And it took a toll on me as I can't stop thinking about what happened that day. It took me about 2 weeks to man up and sabi ko sa sarili ko "gago bahala na, naiipon kasi sabhin ko na lang na prang may crush ako sknya pra makapag move on nako tas bahala na kung ano reaction nya". Into which I finally did pero sa chat lang tapos he responded to be very shy kasi sabi nya di lang daw ako ung gumawa saknya ng proposals na ganun at madami na lalaki dn ang gumawa nun sknya.
And I was like ok wtf ang charismatic mo pala 😂😂
(tbh ngkaroon ako mg curiosity about plant people kasi based doon sa group na nasalihan ko prang madami ata lumalabas na silahis kesa sa straight na plant peeps 😅 not generalizing ah based lang sa na observe ko please prove me wrong)
He kinda shifted to another topic as if he never read it again, but it really became strange after, kasi prang nag iiba nadin pakitungo nya nararamdaman ko un shempre biglang flirty ganun may pa innuendos. And naguluhan ako lalo kasi call me TH but it feels like this fucking prick is playing dalagang filipina hahahaha then again he is my best bud di ko un inalis sakin prang benefit of the the doubt ba. Pero dahil gago ako kasi tlgang naiipon na naman ung nararamdaman ko based dun sa galawan nya nung isang beses tlga na nag uusap kami thru call he reverted back dun sa mga tanong na kelan na daw ba ako magkakajowa and all shit. I really man up and reiterated what I said na I like him ba na kako bahala na kung ano reaction mo basta ilalabas ko sa system ko to pra maging ok nako ulit.
At ayun, nagulat daw tlga sya and umamin na he kinda felt the same way as I am? 😳😳 Fuck my best bud? Ofc ako nagulat ako kasi wala nmn ako ineexpect tlga kasi gusto ko lang matanggal sa dibdib ko ung naiipon. I was happy he felt the same way pero hindi ko dn Alam ano ggawin kong move next kasi bago lang to sakin.
But you know? I never really let it get through my head masyado prang sinabi ko sa sarili ko na best buds kami super close kami so ok lang kung mag lambing ba? But it was different kasi prang mas naging extra flirty sya potaaahhh tinablan namn akong si gago haha 😅 I keep on telling myself na how? Babae kasi tlga ako na a attract how come for once? Isang lalaki? Best friend ko pa. In short there came a time na Malambing na tlga, send selfies, pa cute pa ganun, we were still all based on plants padin naman pro na dagdagan ung flirting side 😳
More than half a year na kami nguusap lately lang ung may pa flirt flirt? I kinda became horny as well kasi may time na tang ina ng send ba nmn ng selfie na nang aakit? Ewan ko ba the selfie was a simple flying kiss act pero it got me turned on so baddd.. Me knowing I'm comfortable with him, I had admitted na ui tang ina mo wag ka nga mag ganyan na tuturn on ako letse ka 😂 and gago un ng spam ng selfies until I can no longer hold my urge and I took the risked and asked if he wants na makapag SoP sakin. He was shocked pero tinanggap nya yung offer. I was shocked dn pero I was too horny not to pass the opportunity. We did the deed and bukas kami na paisip on what happened to us.
It seems nagkaroon ng bokingan at pareho na namin inamin na we were attracted pa pala to one another matagal na.
We still became best buds pero pota may libog moments na na dagdag jerk off cam to cam.
Tbh this was the first time I said to myself secretly potah inlove ata ako pero sa lalaki pa? Totoo ako sa mga past relationships ko na babae mahal ko sila. Ung mga ons at fling ko tinablan naman ako eh nakapag hook up ako sknla so it means I know my attraction well. Pero iba tong nangyari sakin? Parang organic or naturallt fell into place? Hindi ko to pinili I was just being honest and genuine tas prang na inlove ako.
To which somewhat he kinda reciprocated? Hindi ko tlga alam magulo kasi wala naman nangyaring labels parang nadala siguro kami ng passion namin sa isat isa kasi tang ina ng ilys na kami pero d nmn mg jowa? Ng cam to cam pero bestfriends? Pareho ba kaming duwag? Or pareho ba kaming naninibago?
Too which finally came my downfall, kasi prang ako ata tlga ung na fall inlove hard kasi genuine honesty, ngayon lang ako nakaramdan na prang ako ung na inlove at hindi ako ung prang nilapitan. Maybe naging clingy ako? Pero sya din kasi ng show signs eh ng try pdn ako lumugar with reservations 😂😂
But one day prang nag bago ihip ng hangin? Prang ng bago sya one day as if nawala ung lambing ganun ung oras, ung bond ng passion? Maybe with all of the mixed feelings na overwhelm sya and one day decided to be quiet. Which took an emotional roller coaster sakin kasi feel ko my bestfriend ghosted me. Alot of misunderstandings ang ngyari Kasi on and off communication at hindi kami mg meet half way.
I got depressed kasi pakiramdam ko ako na lang tlga ung nghahabol? Kahit ba malabo and I don't know what he wants? I still am going for the genuine friendship we had. I told him na sabi ko depressed ako kasi madami ngyari sa buhay ko tas dumagdag pa to and I said I wanna die kasi umabot ako sa emotionally exhausted nako. my personal problems ruled over me and I really felt I had no one kasi lht iniwan ako or I became too convenient with everyone.
Right now I managed to bounce back pero sa totoo lang? I wanna know what happened between us. I'm still finding my own strength. Kasi I'm still trying to accept the reality na prang nagbago bigla sumila nung nanahimik sya ng di ko alam reason bkt.
Up to this day it feels like nagbago tlga lht ngchachat na lang un Kung kelan nya gusto at naninibago at nasasaktan ako kasi pakiramdam ko kht bestfriend ko wala napakelam sa nararamdaman ko na namimiss ko lang mkpg usap ganun. I know he has his own problems to deal with pero gusto ko malaman tlga at maliniawan, if he can do that before bkt ngayon hindi na? What went wrong? Mali ba ako? Why did he kept quiet? Why did he change?
Why do I feel like I gave up my heart to feel alone again 🥺
I know mahabang story sorry need ko tlga to ilabas, Kung nakaabot ka gang dito salamat at nabasa mo.
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2020.09.29 08:45 kingtheberries Live sex cams x

I will make this short. I video sexed 3 times. 2 with randos online and i didn’t show my face-> which i don’t worry about too much. One with someone i met online and had some sort of relationship with.
I have done at least 6 video sex with him and most of them i showed my face and body. I regret it enough and i won’t ever do something like that again but to give myself an excuse i was so ignorant back then. I trusted him when he said he’s only forcing me to do this because he loves me too much. I hated it when he cut himself and get mad at me for not doing what he wants me to.
He was an asshole. He lied to me about everything, anything, most of the things. It took me 8 months to get back to normal me after leaving him.
My question is how do i make sure he didn’t record it? I know i can’t but i just fucking wanna get this out of my head and live my life. I keep posting things related to this but i can’t seem to fucking get over it fully. I googled myself million times and googled every keyword related such as “ video sex, cam sex, skype sex, facetime sex, facetime pussy, facetime tits” ... and i have’t found mine. I have my guts telling me he didn’t because if he did he would have threatened me with it. ( he have with other video calls i made with randos he said he’ce seen it online and he took it down somehow. I believed him, i know i was an idiot. But later he told me he lied. I feel like if he had videos of me he could have easily threaten me with it) Can anyone tell me i’m ok? What am i supposed to do here? I feel like a used and broken one. I can use all the names to call myself and how dirty i feel. What if i can never be forgiven by anyone i love or will love in the future? Where do i go from here?
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2020.09.29 00:14 Phil-rencher1 Live sex x cams

Hey, I am new here - let me give you a little bit of background.
I am a 28 year old man, who was first exposed to porn when I was 11 years old. I then first jerked off when I was 12. From ages 11-19, I had a serious porn and masturbation problem (I would try and find porn almost daily, and would masturbate multiple times a day). When I was 19, I had a period of recovery for about 2 years, until I was 21. Then, I had a relapse that set me on a course that was pretty dark, but felt so amazing.
For the next 7 years, I had lost my sense of self control. I was looking for excuses to be alone so I could turn on pornhub or chaturbate and starting jerking my dick for hours and hours. I would stay up until 2 or 3 in the morning watching porn videos and live cams. I loved it (still do to be honest).
However, I really don't want this to be part of my life anymore. I am tired of always being horny, and wanting to find videos of women playing with themselves, and masturbating. While it is extremely hot, and I love masturbating, it is time for me to make a change.
BUT IT IS SO HARD TO NOT WANT TO JERK OFF ALL DAY LONG!!
What things are you all doing to help you not want to just look at boobs, and sex videos all day long?
submitted by Phil-rencher1 to NoFap [link] [comments]


2020.09.28 13:54 MomentaryLapseofPink Live x sex cams

This is without a doubt, the biggest secret I have ever kept in my life. I haven't told not even my closest friend about it in the six years since this happened. And some who read this may say that I'm a coward for using anonymity to confess to this act. But I know that I would never be able to live with myself if my family knew, the only way to escape the judgement whether it was there or not would be death.
To tell this story, I will need to start at the very beginning. My mum had been widowed, and she ended up dating this guy. He had two adopted daughters, one my age (who was in my year at school, we were both about 16 coming on 17), the other slightly older about 19. The one my age (we'll call her Deb) would stay with her dad every other weekend as part of a custody agreement.
I remember one night, she added me on Skype, I had never really spoken to her before this. For the most part she was a massive loser in our school, and what few interactions we'd had were for the most part unpleasant on my part. I don't know what her problem was with me but whatever that's besides the point. Anyway, she asks me if I go on RedTube, and if I know what it is. I knew it was a porn site but that was about it. From that subject, we then got on a video call, and soon enough things got rather sexual.
I felt like what I was doing was wrong, after all, was she technically my step-sister? My mum and her dad never married, even now they're not married. But still, it felt very taboo looking back I don't think I enjoyed it. I was a lonely guy, I'd been single for a long time. And then suddenly a girl with big breasts is camming with me. It didn't matter to my sexually blooming mind who's breasts they were.
After that, we didn't talk on the regular. She would come over to our house when her dad moved in. And we wouldn't really interact at all, aside from some awkward hellos. There was however a random conversation again over Skype, and it ended with her sending me a nude. I can't remember how exactly things lead to that, because it felt like such a random, insignificant event.
Once she started staying overnight here, and coming more regularly, that's when things began to really take a turn. I remember she and her sister had come over for a dinner. And we were hanging out in my room, and soon enough things turned flirtatious. I never felt all that attracted to her, I was for the most part just a horny, lonely late teen. She had kept running her hand over my crotch, practically groping me. And that encounter ended with my dick out, and her being called downstairs for something. She didn't come back up which I was thankful for.
Time went on, and soon there was another encounter, she would stay in our living room, and she sent me a message asking me to come downstairs. Again things took a flirtatious tone, in hindsight I feel it was her instigating the majority of the time. She was trying to get me to lay in bed with her, we caressed each other a little. And eventually we felt it was time to go to sleep, before I left she ran over to me while I was stood at the door and we made out there for a few seconds. I feel for the most part I was disgusted with myself for not pushing her away. But again, lonely horny late teen being approached by a girl in a tight t-shirt and underwear.
Some more time passed, and just like before there was another encounter. We'd had a barbecue, and again she was here. Once we'd eaten, I went back to my room as normal, and after a little while she came up. I stuck a movie on to keep her entertained while I sat on my PC. And within a few minutes she asked me to come and lay with her on my bed. There was no real flirtatious behavior, she cuddled up to me. And I just let her be, but then things started to get sexual. Next thing I new, she was giving me head right then and there. And I hated myself for enjoying it, and even more so for cumming. Much like all the other things we had done, it felt horribly taboo. But why should it?
Not long after this, I got a girlfriend, and I was completely smitten. She was an exchange student from Sweden whom I'd met in my last few days at sixth form before I was kicked out for not turning up to any of my classes. I stuck with her even when she went back home to Sweden that summer. But then Deb was over, and inviting me downstairs. I knew what was going to happen, but I let it anyway. We were laying there on that mattress, Family Guy was on the TV, and I could feel her hand moving towards my crotch. I didn't stop it, soon we were in the throngs of foreplay, and then we were having sex. I took her virginity that night, and I never felt an ounce of guilt that I was cheating on my girlfriend, I don't think the gravity of what I was doing was really settling on me. But what's worse, is it happened again, she had even brought a condom with her that time.
We didn't have sex again ever after that second time, I do remember one night she had come over and we were all eating dinner, she was rubbing my leg with hers the whole way through. And I didn't really feel anything, I wasn't excited by it, I wasn't disgusted by it. It just happened.
Not long after, me and my girlfriend split for non-related reasons, even now I've never told her about what me and Deb did. I have a feeling that more people know than I let myself believe, because Deb told a very close friend of hers, who in turn told Deb's mum. And god know's who else, even that not fully knowing gives me so much paranoia.
The thing is, I hate my mum's partner, he's not a particularly bad guy, just personalities that truly clash. And I get a sick satisfaction from looking at him, knowing I took his adopted daughter's virginity, like it gives me some power over him.
I tried to talk to Deb about it recently, because we never really did. I felt I wanted some kind of closure, to understand how exactly she felt about it all. But all I got was "I don't like to think about it" and I couldn't help but want to beg her to talk to me about it, to just put my mind to rest after so many years. But in the end, I do understand. But in a way I couldn't help but be confused by that, she had been a primary instigator. Either way, I respected her decision to not talk about it. I was 17 then, 23 now, and all of the things that happened I have regretted, and probably will for the rest of my life.
I betrayed the trust of so many people, I did something with someone I never should have, I didn't love her or care for her I did it because I was horny.
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2020.09.27 23:29 Hmack1 Boundary basics

You are about to build a "new house" of your own. You need instructions on how to live a better life. You have not done such a good job. Time to figure out what your screwing up.
Moral Constitution, the Constitution of your autonomy.
You sign this constitution as a declaration of commitment and in solidarity with yourself.When it is ready, You need to sit down with someone else, they are there to bear witness and be your notary. I review mine every year, on the anniversary I wrote my first one. I take it to the notary if there are any changes. That is how much it means to me.
This is a promise to yourself that you will be there FOR YOU from now on. Treat it with the reverence it deserves.
Your MC need to be written down. These RULES are the foundation of your life going forward.

  1. What you want to live with.
  2. What you can live with.
  3. What you choose to live with.
  4. What you grudgingly accept.
  5. What you cannot live with.
I have a Digital journal for each. I use the encrypted Penzu .
This is a fluid document as when I started out it was very black and white and wasn't nuanced enough to cover all aspects of interacting in other people lives. The MC is meant to become a part of who you are. This is meant to give you assurance as to your decisions and choices. You will be making thoughtful, reasoned decisions based on prior written plans. No matter the situation or how emotional your reaction or painful the situation, your written MC of who you are, will come shining thru.
When dealing with an addict for example:
Your first try of: No Porn, will become:
No porn, no cam girls ....then:
No porn, no live digital sex shows on any electronic device,. then no ogling the neighbors wife and no sexual stimulation at all on any device on the property.
You see how it can get? As the SO starts to see this progression and re-writes the details of the actual Boundary Contract over and over, it starts to sink in that maybe things are not going as well as they have been led to believe...This is in almost any life situation.
Hence the Morals Contract with yourself needs to change. Now you have a decision however long it may have taken, that going forward is based on reasoning, and you can abide by. You will stop accepting lies, manipulation and gaslighting the first time they show themselves because according to your Morals Contract and where you have those behaviors placed...you will know what to do.
Back to the boundary contract with the addict. I am very hard line. I want to see action. To me an addicts words are meaningless until after the first disclosure and verified lie detector test. Until then they are just kidding in my book.
When an addict is unwilling the boundaries are simple, you get out as fast as humanly possible if you don't want to be stuck with a digisexual or a technosexual for the rest of your life. He has made his sexual choice known. This is still disputed theory, but one I subscribe to.
If the addict is willing then they will follow thru with visible action. That visible action will show in numerous ways. It is the action plan that is chosen that will help dictate the boundaries you enact. The education either of you attains will help guide the recovery plans attempted.
Such as :
Boundary: THE ADDICT THEMSELVES MUST Acquire a CSAT within such and such time.
Consequence: In my case I left until he was able to prove he had attended his first 4 sessions.
follow-up details

  1. Follow doctors orders as to how many sessions per month for best outcome, work recovery as suggested "homework" (Books, podcasts..whatever), join whatever groups are suggests and attend as prescribed.
  2. All suggested therapies , homework, and other actions are to be written by the therapist or emailed from their office for the SO to have record of.
  3. All invoices are to be CC'd to SO's email as proof of attendance.
This will of course be an on-going list as in every therapy session there will be something added. It's not like the addict has to do everything suggested, just as long as they are doing what it is that helps the healing process for them and there is daily progress.
An SO must know what's going on. It is for the families protection. Addicts lie. It's what they do until they train themselves to not lie. This takes time. It's good not to trust an addict until they have earned it the hard way. They need to climb that mountain in order to strengthen those neuro pathways. No need to verbally abuse them or treat them like shit, but healthy skepticism with a big splash of trust but verify for a few years is truly going for Long Term Sobriety and rebuilt trust that might just be real and a solid foundation for a well built house. NO guarantees, ever.
The boundary contract is not a negotiation.
It is developed on the foundation of your personal Morals Constitution as you out-lined above and the strength of the addicts recovery work.
The reality is the addict themselves should be enacting their own controls per-preemptively to garner an extra level of trust, kind of the plastic surgeon's touch to a horrific scar, but most importantly to work a successful recovery.
These are other boundaries I have seen with out the extra details, I do not agree with many but family members with disorienting PTSD can get paranoid for a while and it takes quite a bit for them to feel safe in their own skins, nevertheless their own domains again. In order to try to gain control with each slip or relapse they add more and more barriers. Over time and with regained self-confidence and most will reduce boundaries to a lower level of control.
Cameras on the entire property including private spaces.
Motion mats to wake others if the addict leaves the bed in the middle of the night.
GPS monitoring
Phone change to an old fashioned dumb phone.
Removal of all digital devices with the exception of a community centrally located computer.
No gaming devices
Monitoring app on TV
Complete change of environment i.e. change properties/change states/change countries/change careers.
No electronic devices in private spaces, bathroom for example.
On demand lie detector tests.
Yearly disclosure verified with lie detector test.
Going to a divorce attorney and threatening a costly divorce. or divorce.
Threatening to take children away.
Threatening to release information of the addiction to family/friends/employer.
No sex for a specified time frame, or no sex ever again.
Live as roommates, buddy old pals, no more romantic partners. Friends only. Or live apart in separate residences.
In-house separation.
submitted by Hmack1 to loveafterporn [link] [comments]


2020.09.26 23:58 SnooMemesjellies1027 Live sex cams x

Ive completed all the objectives to become thane, but once i go to Eilsif and she declares me thane, my game crashes upon leaving the conversation.. any ideas?
Load Order:
Skyrim.esm
Update.esm
Dawnguard.esm
HearthFires.esm
Dragonborn.esm
SkyMoMod.esm
Lanterns Of Skyrim - All In One - Main.esm
Skyrim Project Optimization - Full Version.esm
Paradise_City_RESOURCES.esm
3DNPC.esp
ApachiiHair.esm
FISS.esp
High Poly Head.esm
BSAssets.esm
BSHeartland.esm
SexLab.esm
RealisticWaterTwo - Resources.esm
EFFCore.esm
ApachiiHairMales.esm
SexLabAroused.esm
BBLuxurySuite.esm
RaceCompatibility.esm
BS_DLC_patch.esp
Falskaar.esm
Maslea.esm
Gray Fox Cowl.esm
Vigilant.esm
AyleidCitadel.esp
Unslaad.esm
arnima.esm
SimpleChildren.esp
Unofficial Skyrim Special Edition Patch.esp
ZaZAnimationPack.esm
TheBawbsShire.esp
Expressive Facegen Morphs.esl
FloraRespawnFix.esp
SMIM-SE-Merged-All.esp
ELFX - Exteriors.esp
Landscape Fixes For Grass Mods.esp
ELFX - Weathers.esp
EnhancedLightsandFX.esp
Project Rainforest.esp
Cutting Room Floor.esp
Dolomite Weathers.esp
Dolomite_TS_Patch_LightFog.esp
TrueStormsSE.esp
JKs Skyrim.esp
noice.esp
Weapons Armor Clothing & Clutter Fixes.esp
RaceMenu.esp
RaceMenuPlugin.esp
AutoHideAmmo.esp
AddItemMenuSE.esp
BO MS0101 by Team TAL.esp
Modern Clothes.esp
Sekiro - Genichiro Ashina.esp
[full_inu] Cainhurst Knight Set.esp
tenebrae.esp
Hearthfires Houses Building Fix.esp
BlendedRoads.esp
SkygazerMoonsSize.esp
dD - Enhanced Blood Main.esp
dD-Larger Splatter Size.esp
Obsidian Mountain Fogs.esp
KS Hairdo's.esp
DustEffectsSSE.esp
KSHairdosSMP.esp
KSWigsSMP.esp
3DNPC0.esp
PAN_Serana.esp
Cuyima 3DNPC - Redone.esp
dD-No Spinning Death Animation.esp
No PC Fall Damage.esp
noCamColl_2_SE.esp
Real Wildlife Skyrim 0.1.esp
JKs_Skyrim_No_Lights_Patch.esp
skyBirds_SSE.esp
EBT - skyBirds Patch.esp
ELFX - NoPlayerHomes.esp
FloppySOS.esp
NippleRingsForMen.esp
NosPiercedEarsAll.esp
OneWithNature.esp
RaceCompatibilityUSKPOverride.esp
RaceMenuPluginSAM.esp
Vigilant Voiced.esp
DeadlySpellImpacts.esp
BirdsOfSkyrim_SSE.esp
Particle Patch for ENB SSE.esp
WACCF_Armor and Clothing Extension.esp
MoonAndStar_MAS.esp
BattleAftermath.esp
TropicalIslands.esp
Populated Lands Roads Paths Legendary.esp
OwnCivilWar.esp
KiwiBirds.esp
Guards_Armor_Replacer.esp
AyleidCitadelGay.esp
BirdsAndFlocks_SSE.esp
Morning Fogs SSE.esp
ToadSky.esp
Run For Your Lives.esp
Cloaks.esp
OpulentOutfits_2017-SSE Replacer.esp
Bijin Warmaidens.esp
Bijin NPCs.esp
Bijin Wives.esp
PAN_NPCs_DG.esp
PAN_NPCs.esp
Inigo.esp
NewArmoury.esp
Phenderix Magic Evolved.esp
RepopSnailSlug.esp
mihailseal.esp
JUSTICE - City Exteriors.esp
Recorder Follower Base.esp
mihailwillothewisp.esp
Paradise_City_Whiterun.esp
mihailmongoose.esp
mihailaurochs.esp
Blacksmith Forge Water Fix SE USSEP.esp
Hippos.esp
ForgottenCity.esp
mihailleshen.esp
mihailgiantsloth.esp
mihailhummingbird.esp
mihailczart.esp
Macrauchenia.esp
JKs Skyrim_Cutting Room Floor_Patch.esp
Spellsword.esp
mihailmountainlion.esp
Landscape Fixes For Grass mods - Cutting Room Floor Locations.esp
The Manipulator.esp
mihailmoa.esp
naruto overhaul.esp
UchihaClan.esp
Providence and Pestilence.esp
Paradise_City_SummerWindhelm.esp
Lucien.esp
SVPortal by Mika999.esp
Krovaxis.esp
Ravengate.esp
NewHangZhou.esp
mihailflamingo.esp
Avenger.esp
timeandspace.esp
TrueHel.esp
Apocalypse - Magic of Skyrim.esp
Colorful_Magic_SE.esp
kanospellabsorbtionring.esp
3DNPC - CRF Patch.esp
P1FlyingRing.esp
[full_inu] Yahar'gul Set.esp
DS3 Weapon Pack.esp
[SAM] Forsworn Loincloth Refit.esp
UltimateDragons.esp
DSer360MovementBehavior.esp
FNIS - Shocky Poses Humans.esp
FNIS - Shocky Poses Misc.esp
GPPoses.esp
Poser Hotkeys.esp
MorePainfulNPCDeathSounds.esp
XPMSE.esp
NWTA.esp
WACCF Weapons - NWTA Patch.esp
9RingDao.esp
[full_inu] Grave Warden Set.esp
[full_inu] Lord Nicholas Armor.esp
BBLuxurySuiteENM.esp
Dragonblade SE - Johnskyrim.esp
BolarBaneStandalone.esp
Fairylicious.esp
LadyHorus_TERA.esp
Slof's Goth Shop.esp
Slof's Just For Men.esp
mihailpeacock.esp
GDOS - Glorious Solitude Door - Rotation Fix.esp
GDOS - Splendid Mechanized Dwemer Door.esp
RevampedExteriorFog.esp
LostGrimoire.esp
The Forbidden Arts.esp
Uchiha Clan Additions.esp
Lucien-MoonandStar-Patch.esp
Smoking Torches And Candles.esp
FacelightPlus.esp
voicesen0.esp
SummonDeathHound.esp
WetFunction.esp
DisableHDREffects.esp
Remove Snowy Weather.esp
WetandCold.esp
TrueStorms_Wet&Cold_Patch.esp
Wet&Cold - WaterFix - Addon.esp
attack commitment movement speed fluid.esp
3DCloudsStormsNights.esp
RealRainSE.esp
Supreme Fog.esp
SimplyBiggerGiantsAndMammoths.esp
TDNEquipableHorns.esp
Elephant.esp
SpellswordApocalypse.esp
Wp_SwordOfIce.esp
Aestus Estus.esp
S3DRocks.esp
3D_FacegenForKids.esp
BSB_FacegenForKids.esp
CRF_FacegenForKids.esp
FC_FacegenForKids.esp
FS_FacegenForKids.esp
MAS_FacegenForKids.esp
FacegenForKids.esp
SkyHUD.esp
WWW.esp
AMatterOfTime.esp
UltimateCombat.esp
FluffyEars.esp
Elis Hot Springs Male Patch.esp
Cloaks - Dawnguard.esp
Illustrious HDT Cloaks.esp
Cloaks - USSEP Patch.esp
83Willows_101BUGS_V4_HighRes.esp
opmfgconsole.esp
Spears.esp
TSC-Vigilant.esp
VioLens SE.esp
AnimatedArmoryVigilantPatchESM.esp
Customizable Camera.esp
AOS_EBT Patch.esp
9204 Bless Armor Pack by Team TAL.esp
DM BDOR Pack by Team TAL.esp
Vindictus Sonic Blade.esp
The Witcher Nilf Gardian by Team TAL.esp
[SAM] August All In One.esp
RoseGear.esp
FNIS.esp
IxumsTattoos.esp
JaxonzRenamer.esp
LessIntrusiveHUD.esp
SkyUI_SE.esp
SlaveTats.esp
SOSRaceMenu.esp
UIExtensions.esp
DSmystictails.esp
EquipableTailsSE.esp
calyps-animal-ears.esp
SimplyKnock.esp
Immersive Conjure Spells.esp
GrassOnSteroids_Short.esp
Insignificant Object Remover.esp
Facelight.esp
DirtCliffVariation.esp
SwordOfNunoboko.esp
SexLabTools.esp
M2M_Animations.esp
Fudou Myouou.esp
Fuwa Pose Module.esp
Holiday Gift Hairdos.esp
Poser Merged Module.esp
TKDodge.esp
SPTConsistentOlderPeopleSE.esp
SkyMoMod.esp
GomaPeroLand.esp
cheat room.esp
Real Clouds.esp
StaffMadara.esp
TheEyesOfBeauty.esp
HitStop.esp
Complete Crafting Overhaul_Remastered.esp
AnimatedArmouryCCOR.esp
Alternate Start - Live Another Life.esp
Landscape Fixes For Grass mods - Alternate start Locations.esp
Immersive Citizens - AI Overhaul.esp
Relationship Dialogue Overhaul.esp
Landscape For Grass Mods JK'S Skyrim.esp
Landscape For Grass Mods -Immersive Citizens PATCH.esp
EFFDialogue.esp
Open Cities Skyrim.esp
JKs Skyrim_Open Cities_Patch.esp
Immersive Citizens - OCS patch.esp
Open Cities - 3DNPC Patch.esp
ELFX - Exteriors Open Cities Patch.esp
RealisticWaterTwo.esp
RealisticWaterTwo - Beyond Skyrim Bruma.esp
RealisticWaterTwo - ELFX Patch.esp
RealisticWaterTwo - Falskaar.esp
RealisticWaterTwo - Watercolor.esp
RealisticWaterTwo - Waves - Falskaar.esp
Waterlinesfix.esp
JKs Skyrim_RWT_Patch.esp
Realistic Water Two - Landscape For Grass Mods Patch.esp
RWT Lod Fix.esp
ENB Light.esp
WACCF_BashedPatchLvlListFix.esp
AOS_ISC_Integration.esp
Astral.esp
BS Bruma Patch.esp
Chapter II V2.1 - Replacer.esp
Combo Attacks SE.esp
Courier.esp
Dirt and Blood - Dynamic Visuals.esp
doticu_npc_party.esp
ELFX Fixes Ragged Flagon Fix.esp
ELFX Fixes.esp
ELFXEnhancer.esp
FIO-AOS Patch.esp
FireAndIceOverhaul.esp
Flinch.esp
Graviczapa Desert Dancer.esp
GSPoses Module.esp
High Poly NPCs - Populated Lands Roads Paths Legendary.esp
Identity Crisis.esp
Immersive Sounds - Compendium.esp
KaliliesNPCs.esp
lucien replacer new.esp
Maelstrom.esp
MBO.esp
Sekiro-like.esp
Mythic Dawn Expansion.esp
Oblivion SAM Thong.esp
Phenderix Skyrim In-Game Editor.esp
QinJian.esp
Realistic AI Detection 2 SE Lite.esp
S3DLandscapes NextGenerationForests.esp
Shadows.esp
SkyMoMod Extras Conjuration.esp
Skysan_ELFX_SMIM_Fix.esp
SMIM-RatwayChandellierFix.esp
Triumvirate - Mage Archetypes.esp
UnlimitedSummons.esp
Waking Nightmare.esp
proudspiremanortnf.esp
Water for ENB (Mineral Teal).esp
MSZ DemonSlayer.esp
rugged_rogue.esp
WheelsOfLull.esp
WoL-Bruma.esp
WoL-FC.esp
[Kirax] BDO Cantibile Male.esp
Audio Overhaul Skyrim.esp
BBLS_SKSE64_Patch.esp
CitizensComplete.esp
Just4u.FFXV_King_of_Lucis.esp
High Poly NPCs - 3DNPC.esp
High Poly NPCs - BBLuxurySuite.esp
WSEnhancer.esp
CollegeOfWinterholdImmersive.esp
CWICRFSEPatch.esp
CWIEnLFXSEPatch.esp
CWIOOSEPatchReplacer.esp
CWIOpenCitiesSEPatch.esp
CWISPOPatchSE.esp
AetherSuite.esp
DopplegangerFollower.esp
FortKnox.esp
SexTalk.esp
SLAnimLoader.esp
MCY_TrimentIsles.esp
Grand Admiral Thrawn - Skyrim.esp
Invasion of Skyrim.esp
SUNMagicArmor.esp
alidonsarmory.esm
Verdant - A Skyrim Grass Plugin SSE Version.esp
SLAL_AnimationsByLeito.esp
Bijin_AIO 2018.esp
Palaces Castles Enhanced.esp
PCE - Live Another Life Patch.esp
PCE - ELFX PATCH.esp
PCE - RDO Patch.esp
PCE - Immersive Citizens AI Overhaul Patch.esp
PCE - SPO Patch.esp
PCE - 3DNPC Patch.esp
PCE - No Custom Music patch.esp
PCE - USSEP+CRF Patch.esp
PCE - Open Cities Patch.esp
Bashed Patch, 0.esp
submitted by SnooMemesjellies1027 to skyrimmods [link] [comments]


2020.09.25 12:42 Tranquilien Live x sex cams

so like, actually both myself AND my boyfriend are autistic, hence why i immediately subbed to this sub. we have a very sexual relationship, it's LDR approx 50% of every year right now (hoping to change that)
I have a bunch of complicated physical conditions in addition to AS stuff that can make nagivating sex both difficult and very fulfilling at the same time, but it's the degradation of my physical condition that has caused the most difficulty and sadness, even when we're in our LDR phases and he's not living with me (example: not being able to sext/cam as much together due to being in too much pain, this extends over to IRL ofc, but in the past it was much, much easier than it was since my illness started escalating in severity and my issues degrading and untreated no matter what forms of help or how much time in hospital i have spent)
so i was majorly in my feelings about this for the past hour after reading on chronicpain a story from a similar person in a similar situation.
does such a sub exist? should i post about this stuff here, on the basis that literally both of us are diagnosed aspies, even though the issues caused by my chronic pain are far more complex and debilitating than those caused by (our) mutual spectrum/sensory processing issues?
ty guys
submitted by Tranquilien to SexOnTheSpectrum [link] [comments]


2020.09.25 10:16 the_kanken_red Live sex cams x

Rick and morty used to be one of my all time favourite shows to watch. I can't count how many times I've binged through it. It is also his favourite and we've watched through it many times together. As for how they were ruined, my bf asked me to look something up, my phone was dead so he threw me his to use. When I opened the browser, multiple tabs were open onto various porn sites. The ones that stood out were sex game sites, one showing a rick and morty sex game (involving summer and a number of sexual partners including rick) and another showing an incredibles sex game. There were also videos open showing rick and morty, family guy, and a few other cartoon inspired porn videos. (As well as a live cam site but that's not the topic of this post). Anyways it has ruined rick and morty for me. I didn't tell him I saw them as you know that's his personal stuff. Now whenever I think of rick n morty and how much he likes it I can't help but think "Oh yeah that's why because he gets turned on by it" and I can no longer watch it. This was more of a rant than a question or query, but out of curiosity has anyone else experienced a show or similar being ruined by a partners sexual tendencies?
submitted by the_kanken_red to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.09.22 05:20 Jingyang345 Top websites for finding beautiful girls in nude?

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submitted by Jingyang345 to u/Jingyang345 [link] [comments]


2020.09.21 04:39 bloodbowler2019 [Online][5e] Curse of Strahd live stream

Hello adventurers. I am looking for 2-3 players for Curse of Strahd which we will be live streaming on twitch. There are a few requirements:

  1. Must be 21+, in fact 25+ or 30+ is a bonus. Our current players and gm range in age, we only want people in our age bracket so 21 minimum but older is a bonus.
  2. Must have quality internet, mic, and cam. I hate to discount any of our rural friends but we are wanting to live stream so a good set up is necessary. Nothing crazy is necessary, just a quality set up.
  3. Must have experience with 5e D&D. This is not a game for new players. You don't have to be expert in rules or roleplaying but definitely some experience required. You must know how to play your character and have solid fundamentals in gaming.
  4. Trigger Warning. We are playing Curse of Strahd. If you have an issue playing a game with elements of child abuse, murder, stalking, gaslighting, racism, torture, mind control, cannibalism, situations paralleling sexual assault, child death, references to stillbirth/miscarriage, abuse of disabled, animal cruelty, body horror, child abandonment, portrayals of substance abuse, potential incest, implied necrophilia, or suicide this might not be game for you. That list was comprised from the curseofstrahd mega thread entitled "So you want to play curse of Strahd". Which I encourage you all to read, however, pertaining to next item.
  5. Please do not read up on Curse of Strahd and try to metagame because you read the adventure and know everything. I would really prefer people who have never played the module.
  6. Current party is US central and Pacific times. We absolutely welcome anyone from any time zone but we will be playing in evening time US, exact time to be worked out with party. So, if your overseas you must be able to accommodate that schedule.
  7. Lastly, even though age is a bit of an issue, I am an old man and teenagers give me a headache lol. We do not discriminate any other way. Race, sex, gender, nationality, or lgtbqia+, I hope I have all letters there, no worries.
[Edit] 8. Would love to hear a character idea. Please do not tell me for the millionth time how your an orphan, you need to redeam yourself from some evil act, or your the sole survivor of something. An amazing character can come from a happy home. Or a fine family. It doesn't have to be edgelord.
If this is all acceptable, please direct message me on here with the following information. Name/preferred pronoun/location(can be vague)/experience level/a few sentences about yourself/something about your gaming history(a fun character or idea, a funny story, an epic event, tell me something that happened in a game you have played that stands out)
I will pick the best candidates over the next day or so and we will have a quick chat on discord. If your a good fit we should start with a session zero in a week and playing in a couple weeks.
Look forward to hearing from y'all and please no hard feelings if your not accepted.
submitted by bloodbowler2019 to lfg [link] [comments]


2020.09.21 00:25 Latter-Heart-4027 I fell in love with a MC E-Girl, kind of heartbroken

Hi,
I know the title sounds funny, I guess it kind of is.
I am really desperate for any kind of advice, I really don't know what to do. I'm sorry for this being long winded but if you could read it, It'd make me happy.
For a visual context, I'm a 20 yo guy, with black hair, big black eyes, barely tanned skin and you're stereotypical college guy body type.
I'd never admit this with my face connected to this, but I really haven't had an amazing life so far. In highschool, I got bullied and shunned for the entirety of it, so I kind of always have a bad image of myself and because I'm a devout extrovert, it left me with a constant feeling of loneliness.
At one point in highschool, two of the jocks pinned me into the corner and grabbed onto my fat and squeezed to hear me scream. Needless to say, their laughter haunts me to this day, and I gained an eating disorder, which is why I have the slim body I do.
My experience with girls had not been too much better. The looks I used to get from the girls from my school were just cruel, I had talked to a few of them after the fact and they told me they didn't want to take a step down hierarchically and potentially get a share of the abuse I got on a daily basis.
The way I copped with my pain was by writing love songs. I did this everytime I felt sad I'd write one, and needless to say I have alot 😂 I had been having a reoccurring dream of this brown haired shy girl with freckles my whole life, so id often take my life experiences, think of her and boom I have a song.
All that said, when I was 17 I had my first girlfriend and I cannot describe how happy I was. But that's when I realized that the group of "friends" I had at the time didn't want to be happy for me. At that point, they started to drink more, and with it came their true character. To put it short, they were incels, to the point where one broke his hand punching a wall in a blind rage because the girl he liked was with someone.
It's worthwhile to say that they pressured me to drink too, and eventually drugs got involved. I only smoked weed once with them, and I am sure it was laced with something because I cannot describe the agony that ensued. My vision was rotating, going in and out and I felt like I was going to die if I closed my eyes. I immediately got up and started walking out, they didn't care (as a matter of fact they blamed me the next day for this). So all of a sudden there is a drugged up scared teen walking through the city in horrible agony trying to make it home. Luckily I did, and to this day I can't even have a sip of alcohol without having a panic attack, a trait that was not popular among this group nor the people I met in college afterwards. What kind of guy can't even drink alcohol? 😅
They went on to poke holes in my relationship with her, constantly insinuating she was cheating on me with someone in the group. I became so miserable, I cut ties from all of them, I met up with my gf to tell her the story but... And I know it was stupid... I didn't want to make her sad knowing that I was severely depressed... so I decided to break it off with her.
The last I heard from those guys was them saying "someone would have to be dumb, ugly and stupid to even look at you" and "you deserve everything you got".
The last I heard from her... She ended up dating the exact guy they said she was cheating on me with.
You'd probably expect me to hate her, but I hated them. Love for me means that I want to see that person happy, even if that means I get the short end of the stick or even have to leave their life.
Flash forward 3 whole years, I had dated a few girls, but I never felt love again and honestly thought I was broken, that I would never feel that way again.
At this point, feeling free from people bullying me nonstop about making YouTube videos, I had made alot. Of course thematically relevant, I still never got anything from that but I still love it nontheless.
As I was going through and opening all the available accounts for my channel, I happen upon Reddit. I decided to browse a little bit, when suddenly I saw needafriend on the front page. I clicked the subreddit and happened upon a post that essentially went "I really want friends, I lost mine recently"... And I actually dmed, who ended up being a, her.
We became good friends very quickly and I was really honestly surprised. I immediately found out she wasnt single, I didn't have a problem with it at all, it just meant we could be friends.
Getting to know this girl, I found out she had one boyfriend before the current one, a guy she had "went on a break with", to which he had sex with another girl very soon after... You see when she said a break, she meant she wanted like a week to herself. He didn't understand that. She also had really low self-esteem and was kind of submissive, which was a polar opposite to my confident and extroverted personality (noone knows my life story except for my best friend).
Its at this point that I realized my fatal flaw, I like to helping people with their confidence issues, it is my favorite thing in the world, and tbh I just wanted her to see herself as I was starting to see her.
Then I popped the question, do you wanna do a Minecraft Let's Play together? I know I'm too slick 😎 This was notable because I have always been extremely protective of my YouTube channel, I didn't want a good relationship turned sour to destroy one of the last things I had left... But I thought she was such amazing comedic foil for me, I couldn't resist. She agreed extremely enthusiastically.
I was so proud of the finished product, I bought a Minecraft realms for us, had my sister make us an amazing thumbnail as us as cartoon characters, it was so great :))
As one of the jokes from the video, I joked that I'd need a vid of her dabbing on cam to be sure I wasn't being playing with an old man. She immediately did it, and it this sounds crazy... But she was the girl from my dream. My heart skipped a beat. I know it sounds so cringy, but her dabbing while we messed around on Mc was the moment I kinda fell in love with her...
I was so excited for summer to start, we said we'd be making so much fun content, I was really starting to get happy. Then summer came... And silence. Its not that I didn't try, I really was so worried, I knew she was going through something, I just so desperately wanted her to let me help her. Then summer went...
I didn't waste this time, I wanted to be perfect for her, I wanted to be the guy that every girl dreams about. I got a job at a grocery store, hard labor, like that I could get abs for her while also getting paid 😋 I used the money I earned to invest in medical companies, to which it paid off pretty handsomely (I wanted to be rich enough to make music videos of the love songs I wrote for her as well as be well-off cuz that's always cool). I took a nice course load in my uni (I'm in medical sciences) because I was fueled by my passion for the success of the future. I even learned to play guitar because my sister said girls like it.
... Then right before school starts she comes back, like she hadn't ghosted me for 4 months. She tells me that she has a new boyfriend (meaning she had been single) that was long distance (meaning that I maybe had a chance since we're in different countries). I was supportive, of course, and just was happy to have her message me again.
I then thought to myself "well if she can do it, maybe I can too" and instantly proceeded to get catfished... badly...
At this point I was really starting to spiral and everything I had lived started coming back... and then I asked her why she ghosted me (because tbh that was the real thing that hurt the most out of all of this).
She said she had been depressed and that she pushed away everyone as a result. I told her that Id be happy to have things go back the way they were and that I forgive her... She didn't answer...
The next day, I send her this message:
"I understand.
I know I'm an idiot for even thinking this, but I keep running the question in my mind that if you would have let me confess my feelings for you when you were single, if you would have let me love you. Or maybe you knew that I did, and that's why you never even told me.
But since now you know that I was just a stupid idiot who wanted to love you. Love for me means that I am willing to put my own feelings aside to make sure you're happy. Even if that includes never hearing from you again.
You are happy with him, you happily came back to tell me that, so I refuse to get in the way.
There will always be that part of me that hopes you will someday answer me and at least let me continue being friends with you... So if for any reason you feel like messaging me, it would make me the happiest idiot in the world.
I love you [her name], Your friend forever, [My name]."
... It's been three weeks of silence and I still can't get over it. A reoccurring theme in my life is I get knocked down harder and harder again and again but I always get up and smile at the pain. But not now...
I know she doesn't owe me a response, I know I was never guaranteed her love but I can't help but hate how cruel my life keeps going, it's like this was a tortuous representation of the love I don't receive. I love her, so I'm okay with her choice to never answer me.
I just want to love someone, I want to make someone smile and laugh and feel amazing. I'd give anything and everything for that.
I stand here tortured, I can't sleep because my dreams show me her. I don't want to die, so please give me some advice, anything, even a simple recognition that its okay cry about this is enough.
I'm sorry if this upset you, It's not as memeworthy as the title foretells... ... But thanks for reading it 😅
submitted by Latter-Heart-4027 to Advice [link] [comments]